Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter Four
On the way back to his house, Edward tried to warn me again about Alice. "Alice overwhelms even us sometimes, love, and we've had decades to get used to her. She always means well, but she can be a little overenthusiastic at times. Just keep in mind that you can always say no to her, she'll pout and keep trying to convince you, but she'll get over it eventually."
"I don't remember her being that way at all." I'd had almost no interaction with Edward's sister in school, although I remembered her eyes were always kind, but I definitely wouldn't have pegged her as "overenthusiastic." She, like the rest of the Cullens, hadn't done much socializing with the other students at Forks High.
"You're in for a big surprise, then. I'm not sure how someone so tiny can give off as much energy as she does, even as a vampire."
"Energy is good."
"Energy is an understatement. I have no idea if she was this hyperactive when she was human, but my personal theory is that it all leads back to her being able to see the future. Just imagine if every single day, you were able to see all the fantastic exciting things that are just around the corner for you and the ones you love. She's like a child trying to go to sleep on Christmas Eve, knowing that wonderful things are just a few hours away, but unable to sleep because of it. She and Jasper balance each other out very well."
"She sounds like fun."
Edward laughed a little as he turned into the Cullens' private drive. "Don't get me wrong, I love Alice dearly. She is definitely the most fun of all of us, although Emmett certainly gives her a run for her money. I just want you to know what is waiting for you…when you find out what she already has planned for you, just remember that you don't have to do any of it."
I smiled, wondering what in the world Alice could have in store for me that could be so dreadful.
"One other thing I wanted to mention to you…don't be surprised that Jasper isn't as warmly welcoming as the rest of my family. He spent more years following a traditional vampire diet than not, so he'll probably keep his distance from you until he grows more comfortable with your scent."
I shivered a little, thinking about a "traditional vampire diet." Edward's hand immediately reached out and enclosed mine. "He won't hurt you, I promise. He's as happy as the others about us, but he would rather be overly cautious at first."
"Okay. Edward, do you run into, um, traditional vampires very often?"
"From time to time. They occasionally seek us out for curiosity's sake. You don't need to worry about them, I would never let anything happen to you." His words were a promise, and I relaxed a little.
"It's still a little hard to wrap my mind around the actual mechanics and specifics of you being a vampire."
"In that case, don't think of me as a vampire. Think of me as a man who happens to be on a special diet, can run a mile in seconds, and sparkles in the sun. In fact…" He broke off, and then groaned.
"What's wrong?" I looked at him just as we emerged from the wooded drive to the clearing in front of the Cullens' home, and he jerked his chin at the house. I turned to look, at first unable to see anything in the dusk, but then a form became visible on the front porch. A tiny person, arms crossed impatiently over her chest, foot tapping in an exaggerated manner, giant pout on her angelic features.
"Alice," Edward muttered, an acknowledgment rather than a question, even as he drove past the house and around the back to the garage.
"Oh, wow, I guess she was waiting for us?"
He reached over and unfastened my seatbelt. "Just remember what I…"
His next words were cut off as my door was abruptly yanked open and in a heartbeat I was swept up into a ferociously tight hug. "Bella!" Alice squealed, not releasing her hold on me. "I have been waiting to do that for ages!"
I wheezed out a weak laugh, overcome by her excitement and her grasp. "It's nice to meet you too, Alice."
She unwrapped her arms from around my waist and grabbed my hand, taking a step back. An enormous grin of pure joy was on her face and I couldn't help but smile back, I couldn't remember the last time someone had been so unabashedly happy to see me…delight was absolutely radiating off of her. I could almost feel it vibrating through the cold hand she had firmly clutching mine.
"Has he told you everything? Are we all caught up? Because he's had you for a whole day and I haven't even had a chance to…"
"Alice," Edward said firmly, shutting his door and coming around the car. "That's it exactly. I've only had her for twenty-four hours. Don't plan on running off with her any time soon."
She scowled at him. "I've been waiting for this longer than you have, don't forget that."
He reached out to take my free hand. "Don't push it."
She tossed her head. "We've all been waiting for you to get back. Come on!" She tugged on my hand, pulling me behind her out of the garage and towards the house. Edward trailed behind, still securely holding my other hand, rubbing his thumb reassuringly over my knuckles.
Thanks for the warning, I thought briefly in his direction, hoping he'd catch at least the gist of it without eye contact. Apparently he did, there was a low chuckle behind me as Alice dragged us through the back door and into the living room.
Dr. Cullen and Esme were waiting for us there, Alice and Edward finally released my hands. Esme immediately came forward, a happy smile animating her beautiful face as she embraced me. "We're so happy you're here, Bella." She kept her hand fondly on my back as Dr. Cullen…Carlisle…took my hand and grasped it gently.
"Truly we are, Bella. I'm so glad I can welcome you to the family now."
Warmth flooded my chest at the open honesty in their words. There was no mistaking their sincerity and for the first time in months, I felt the enveloping comfort of a family's love.
"Thank you both, so much. I can't tell you what it means to me after…" I stopped, my throat choking up. Edward came up from behind and wrapped his arms around me, chin resting gently on my shoulder, the familiar lines of his body giving me silent strength and reassurance to continue. "It feels so good to be in a family again."
Carlisle smiled, pulling Esme close to his side. "I assure you, Bella, we know exactly what you mean. We all finally feel like our family is whole."
Edward rubbed his hand gently over my abdomen, and I was sure he didn't need eye contact to feel the emotions that were surging through me. All at once, this openhanded love and acceptance…it was wonderful but also bittersweet, bringing back memories of the families I'd had before.
"I don't think you've officially met Jasper!" came Alice's lilting voice from my left. I turned to see her standing close to Jasper, her arm tucked through his. I recognized him from the semester he'd been at Forks High with me, of course, but I couldn't remember ever speaking or interacting with him. He was tall with honey-blond hair, the same pale skin and perfect features as the others. He smiled kindly at me.
"I'm very pleased to meet you, Bella," he murmured, a soft Southern drawl slowing his words.
"Likewise, Jasper." I forced myself not to think about Edward's words regarding Jasper's more traditional vampire diet. The beautiful blond man before me didn't look any more dangerous or threatening than any other member of his family, and I felt myself relax a little.
"You'll have to wait until Friday to meet Emmett and Rosalie," Carlisle spoke again. "They're in Europe at the moment, but Alice assures me that they've already decided to return home."
"Emmett…oh!" All at once, I remembered the faint memory from the night before, Edward reassuring me that Emmett would push my truck back behind the garage so that Lori wouldn't see it and come looking for me.
"What is it?" Edward queried softly, close to my ear.
"I guess I…well…who moved my truck?"
Alice giggled, but it was Edward who spoke. "At that moment, I thought it would be awkward if I had to explain that Alice was the one pushing your truck behind the garage. I knew you'd believe it was Emmett."
Vampires, I thought briefly to myself, but then I had a sudden mental image of tiny little Alice, in her fluttery I Dream of Jeannie costume and wig, pushing and shoving my rusting behemoth truck back behind the Cullens' garage. I couldn't help it, giggles began bubbling up from deep inside me. Carlisle, Esme and Alice looked confused, Jasper smiled, and Edward tugged at my hips.
"What is it?"
I turned to him, pressing my hand over my mouth, and showed him the image in my mind. A wide grin split his face then, and he pulled me closer to him. "I think it must have been exactly like that, yes," he mumbled, another chuckle escaping him before he quickly kissed the eyelids I'd shut.
"Enough enough!" Alice trilled, bouncing a little on her toes. Edward's arms tightened around me.
"No, Alice."
"But…"
"No." His voice was low and firm. "It's late and she needs to eat, remember?"
"Oh!" Esme exclaimed from behind me. "Yes, I made dinner for you, I hope you like chicken!"
"I do," I assured her, just as Alice spoke from behind me: "She does." Edward muttered something under his breath.
"Please, go sit down in the dining room…I'll bring it out to you." In a flash Esme disappeared, even as my offer to help died on my lips. Edward tucked a hand into mine and guided me to sit at the heavy dining room table where I'd eaten breakfast…had it only been this morning? He pulled out a chair for me and, as I sat, ran his cool fingers gently over the back of my neck.
"I know it goes against the grain for you, but she's enjoying it, very much," he said quietly. "She hasn't had anyone to really take care of for a long time."
"Okay," I whispered in reply, determined to be gracious even if I did feel awkward with Esme Cullen waiting on me. Edward smiled and sat down next to me just as Esme came in with platters in both hands. A heaping salad. Roasted chicken, sautéed green beans, fluffy mashed potatoes. And what looked like an enormous serving of tiramisu. My mouth watered.
"Esme, thank you, this looks absolutely incredible!" She beamed, looking every inch the doting mother.
"What can I get you to drink?"
"Water is fine, really." She was gone and back in a few seconds, carrying a crystal goblet and a pitcher filled with ice water.
"I thought something hot and not too fancy would work, since you've been outside all afternoon…"
"This is perfect. Thank you so much." She smiled again, obviously pleased, and ran her hand gently over my hair.
"We'll be in the living room." Then she was gone. I looked at Edward, who shrugged.
"Human food doesn't smell appetizing to us."
"Oh," I mumbled, embarrassed. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to."
He shook his head, gesturing for me to eat. "Honestly, I'd rather be in here with you. It's not so bad for me when I can concentrate on you."
I would have protested further, but the food in front of me smelled divine, and I dug in immediately. Edward sat motionless for a while, his eyes on my face, then he set my journal on the table. I hadn't even noticed that he had it, I assumed it had fallen from my lap when Alice had yanked me unceremoniously from the car.
"They love you, trust me."
I shut my eyes I swallowed the chicken, it tasted absolutely perfect and made me realize how hungry I was. "It makes me very happy to hear that. I think I love them too, already."
"I think we should go to bed early, you must be exhausted…and it's one way to keep Alice at bay."
"I heard that!" came an immediate shriek from the other room, and Edward rolled his eyes.
"I'll drive us back to Port Angeles whenever you're ready tomorrow."
Ugh…Port Angeles. Schoolwork, reality. It seemed very far away from the magic spell I'd been living in since yesterday. "I do have quite a bit to do before class on Monday, I hadn't, um, planned on being Forks all weekend."
"We'll go back early, then."
"What will you do while I'm in class?"
Edward shrugged. "I don't know yet, I hadn't really thought about it. Probably the same thing I did before you knew I was there…read, hunt, come back here and visit my family on sunny days, go back to your apartment and wait for you to come home."
I frowned a little. "I don't like the idea of you sitting around waiting for me to get home."
"Don't worry, love, I'll find something to do. Maybe I'll drag a piano up to your apartment and play music all day, I'm sure your neighbors would love that."
"There's nowhere to put a piano in my apartment. We'll have to get you an electronic keyboard."
The look of horror on Edward's face was priceless. "An electronic keyboard?" I snickered and heard laughter coming from the Cullens in the other room too, quickly smothered.
"Apartment living requires sacrifices, Edward," I said sweetly.
He shook his head slowly. "That settles it then, I'll spend my time house-hunting for us while you're in class. Really, Bella, an electronic keyboard?"
"Don't be a snob, I didn't even know that you played."
"I'll play for you as soon as you've finished dinner. Do you have any requests?"
I thought for a moment as I finished eating, savoring the perfection of the tiramisu. Renee had always enjoyed listening to classical music, and although I was mostly familiar with the more famous pieces, I'd started listening to it more often after my move to Port Angeles. I had a cd of quiet classical piano pieces that I listened to each night after I got into bed, it always helped me to fall asleep. I could ask him to play any of those but I was pretty sure that I'd butcher the names, if I even matched them up correctly to the composer. "I'll let you pick," I said finally.
Edward stood and held his hand out to me, but I hesitated. "Let me put the dishes away first." He started to protest, but I quickly gathered the empty dishes and moved towards the kitchen where I rinsed them and put them into the dishwasher we'd used at the party. Edward set the crystal pitcher and glass next to the sink, then put his hands on the counter, one on either side of me, trapping me just as he'd done the night before. He reached up to run his finger along my cheekbone and I shivered at the déjà vu.
"Since you didn't believe me when I told you this last night," he whispered, close to my ear, "I'll repeat myself. You're perfect, beautiful, in every way. And now I can tell you that I love you."
This time I didn't hesitate, I lifted my arms to wrap around his neck and pulled his glorious face down to mine, kissing him fiercely to show him exactly how much I loved him too. His cool lips parted immediately, his tongue seeking entry into my mouth even as his hand left the counter to run down to my lower back, firmly pressing me against his arousal. I broke away from his lips and gasped. "Edward…your family."
He growled a little. "For all I've had to put up with from them over the years, I honestly don't care, but I know you do." He pressed a quick hard kiss on my lips and then pulled away, taking my hand. "Come, I really would like to play for you."
We went back into the enormous living room, towards the gleaming grand piano that I'd failed to notice before. Carlisle and Esme were seated together on a large white couch, both of them were holding books although Esme's sat unopened in her lap, her eyes on us. She smiled encouragingly at me just as Alice danced back into the room, Jasper close behind. They sat together on the bottom of the giant staircase.
Edward ignored them and settled himself at the piano, indicating that I should sit next to him. "No requests? Maybe something to help you sleep?" Then his fingers were flying over the keys and my astonishment at the rich beauty of the music was eclipsed only by his choice of songs to play. It was the first song from my disk of bedtime piano music…but, of course he would be familiar with it, if what he'd told me earlier was true. He must have heard it hundreds of times, sitting out on my balcony after I'd gone to bed.
"Liebesträume #3, by Liszt," he whispered in my ear, not even the slightest hesitation in his playing although he wasn't looking at the keys. Do you know what liebesträume means, Bella?"
I shook my head.
"It's German for 'dreams of love.' Liszt based the music on a poem called 'O lieb, so lang du lieben kannst.'" His German was perfect.
"What does that mean?"
"Oh love, as long as you are able to love. The poem urges you to love as long as you can, and to make the most of that love, for soon enough death will take your loved one away."
"A strange sentiment for a love poem," I mused.
"Yes," he agreed, his voice suddenly darker. "But it is true."
I tensed when he came to the final notes, wondering if he would skip the second song on the disk, as I always did. There was the briefest of pauses before he began playing Debussy's Rêverie, then he spoke. "Why did you always skip Clair de Lune?"
I was silent for a long moment, knowing that I wouldn't lie to him, but hating to tell him all the same. "It reminded me of you, and it made me sad."
He trembled a little next to me, but kept playing. "Why did it remind you of me?"
"You told me once, in class, that it was one of your favorite pieces of music. And that you thought it sounded lonely."
"Yes," he murmured, "I remember that."
He continued to play, each note perfect but also completely imbued with emotion. The rest of the Cullens all sat silently, enjoying the music as much as I, as he played Satie, Ravel, Chopin, and Schumann, whispering the names of the songs and the composers to me. My eyes began to droop a little as the long day and familiar music made me sleepy, I carefully rested my temple against his shoulder, not wanting to disrupt his playing. He turned and kissed the top of my head, not missing a note. As he began the last song, Beethoven's Piano Sonato #14, the famous Moonlight Sonata, he whispered in my ear.
"I'll play for you every night, Bella, in our home. You won't have to listen to your cd any more, I'll play these songs for you each and every night to help you fall asleep. And then I'll carry you to our bed, and I'll hold you as you dream all night…" his words trailed off even as I tried to hold onto consciousness, but the exhaustion from the long day and night before finally claimed me, and my last memory was of his cool hard body pressed against mine as he carried me in his arms, up the stairs and into his bed.
The next morning we left immediately after another enormous breakfast that Esme prepared for me, Edward insisting that I have plenty of time to get ready for my classes the next day. Carlisle had already left for a shift at the hospital, but Esme and Alice hugged me tight as Jasper watched from a slight distance, his face relaxed.
"Emmett and Rosalie will be here on Friday, dear, will you be able to come back?"
"I don't have any classes on Friday," I replied to Esme's query, turning to Edward. He squeezed my waist reassuringly.
"We'll come back either Thursday afternoon or Friday morning."
"I'll come see you in Port Angeles this week!" Alice piped, earning a scowl from Edward. "What? You'll get to have her all the time now. I let you have her all weekend, but I want to spend time with her too!"
"I'd love that, Alice," I assured her, while wondering exactly what she and I would do together for the bonding time the tiny vampire so obviously wanted. "Goodbye, Jasper."
Jasper approached me then, hesitated a moment, and then held out his hand. "I'll see you in a few days, Bella." I took his hand and he squeezed it gently, a genuine smile breaking slowly across his face.
Esme gave me one more kiss on the cheek, then Edward and I headed out to the garage. "Did you need anything else from your truck, Bella?"
"Just my cell phone, but you already got that."
"Your clothes and everything else are in a bag in the backseat." After I settled into the passenger seat I turned around to grab the bag, placed it between my feet, and began rummaging through it. My wallet, journal and work clothes were there, along with the clothes I'd worn yesterday. I was currently dressed in another outfit Alice had put together for me: tailored khakis and a soft white turtleneck, dress socks and new leather boots. I'd tried to protest her extravagance, only to have her roll her eyes and inform me that it was nothing compared to what she had planned.
I found my cell phone as Edward started the car and pulled out of the garage, having thrown a small suitcase of his own belongings into the trunk. Luckily I'd turned the phone off before going into the Cullens' party on Friday, I pushed the power button and it turned on immediately, the small LED blinking to indicate that I had a voicemail. I crossed my fingers and hoped that it wasn't Lori telling me officially that I'd been fired, but a deep male voice spoke in my ear.
"Hi Bella, it's Jake. Hey listen, I'm sorry I haven't called you in a while, I was under the weather with mono for a few weeks. I just wanted to call and check in with you, make sure everything is going okay. Give me a call when you have a minute. I'd love to see you, and so would Billy. Love ya Bells, bye."
"That's an interesting coincidence," I murmured, noting that he had called Friday night before deleting the voicemail.
"Oh?" Edward inquired casually, and it crossed my mind that he'd probably been able to hear the message with his superior hearing, but was allowing me to tell him anyway.
"That was Jacob. I'm just surprised that he picked Friday of all days to call me, I hadn't told them that I was going to be back in town. I haven't heard from Jake or Billy in ages…we're all terrible about keeping in touch. It didn't sound like anything urgent, though, I'll call him back later."
"Are you still close with them?" Edward's voice sounded tense, and I looked over at him, mildly surprised.
"Not like I used to be, but yes, of course. They became my second family, you know that."
"Yes, I know. Are you planning on seeing them again?" Now the tension in his voice was reflected on his face as well, and although I was taken aback by his words, the sight of him upset made me anxious. I reached over to him and he took my hand, clutching it tightly almost to the point of pain. I wiggled my fingers and he relaxed his grip immediately.
"I don't know, Edward, I would guess I'll see them again at some point. What's wrong?"
He exhaled slowly. "Bella, although I'm an innately selfish creature, and am very protective of you, I would never tell you that you can't see your friends…your family. They were there for you during a very difficult time when I wasn't, and for that alone I am truly grateful to them. My concern lies in not knowing what their reaction will be when they discover our relationship."
I was baffled, I remembered his stories from the day before about their treaty with the Quileutes, but I didn't understand how it had anything to do with me. I looked at him, letting him see the confusion in my eyes, and his expression immediately softened as he quickly brought my hand to his lips and kissed it.
"I'm sorry, love. Our relationship with the Quileutes is a bit more complicated than I explained previously. They have a deep-seated and longtime dislike and distrust of all vampires, or "cold ones" as they call us. Many of them actually stopped coming to the hospital when we returned and Carlisle went to work there, even at the expense of their health and lives. Our treaty with them assures that we will not take a human life or trespass on their land, but it doesn't mitigate their hatred of our kind."
"How do you feel about them?"
He was silent for a moment. "For the most part, we feel indifferent towards them. It's easy enough for us to abide by the terms of the treaty and avoid their land. It is our instinctual reaction, however, to react negatively towards any creature that knows of our existence and despises us as much as they do. I cannot lie to you Bella, although I am grateful to them for taking care of you, I dislike them and I don't trust them."
I was stunned and somewhat hurt. To think of anyone disliking kindly old Billy, or Jake with his quick smile and ready wit, or any of the Quileutes for that matter…I truly didn't understand.
We rode in silence for a few minutes before I spoke. "I…understand your feelings, logically. I really do. But what does it have to do with me?"
"Bella," his voice was soft but sad, and I imagined he must be sensing the unhappiness and confusion that swirled inside of me, "Imagine the reaction of the Quileute elders when they find out that a beloved adopted daughter has been seduced, hypnotized even, by their mortal enemy. That is how they would view it, I don't doubt that they would extend their definition of 'taking a human life' to include such circumstances. I also don't doubt that they would move heaven and earth to rescue you from such a dire situation."
My heart clenched as the meaning of his words finally became clear in my mind. The Quileutes did indeed consider me an adopted daughter, and based on everything Edward had told me, their hostility towards the Cullens would demand that they try and save me from something they considered evil and dangerous. What would "rescuing" me entail? Would the Cullens break their long-standing treaty to defend themselves, leaving my adopted family broken and destroyed? Or would they withdraw and disappear from the area, leaving behind the lives they'd so carefully built, including me? What power did the Quileutes possess that the Cullens, otherwise utterly impervious to human actions, would respect enough to form a treaty with them? Would I be responsible for causing war between the only two families I had now?
Yes, the answer was yes. If I chose to try and keep both of my families close, I might end up destroying both of them.
A little cry escaped from between my lips as the grief became overwhelming, I bowed my head as my chest split open and pain knifed through me. Edward's hand tightened around mine. "Bella, love, please…please look at me."
I shook my head, my eyes pinched tightly shut. "No," I whispered, tears squeezing under my eyelids. "I don't want you to have to see this."
I could feel the car slowing and then the gravel on the shoulder popping under the tires before Edward put the car in park and reached over to me.
"I'm sorry, Bella." The remorse in his voice was real. "I wanted to keep this from you, but I can't lie to you, not about this."
"I don't have a choice, do I?"
"Of course you have a choice."
"But…I don't know what my choice should be."
Edward's hands stroked gently over my head and shoulders, but I could feel the shudder that went through him. "What do you want, Bella?"
"I want you!" Even in my confusion and misery, this point was not negotiable.
"You have me, eternally. I will not leave your side until you tell me to go."
"But I can't have the Quileutes too, can I?"
"I'm not telling you that you can't, love, but I'm very afraid of what will happen to all of us if you tried to keep everyone as close to you as you want." His honest admission was quiet, but I recognized the truth in it. My heart broke as I realized that I would have to say goodbye to all of the people I'd come to know and love so dearly, to keep them safe and happy.
"What will we do?" I asked dully.
Edward sighed. "We can go back to Forks together, as long as we stay mainly at my family's home. I don't think it would be a good idea for us to be seen together in town, as word would most certainly get around. And you definitely can't see the Blacks in person."
"But if I went by myself, how would they know?" I cried. The idea of leaving them behind forever without even a goodbye hurt, deeply.
"Bella, please believe me…they would know."
I decided not to question him further on this point. "What if they come looking for me in Port Angeles?"
"We can move away, together. The only place that I need to be is where you are, everything else is inconsequential. Unless you feel strongly about staying in the area?"
"No, not at all. I guess moving would be the best option. Do we have to leave right away?"
He kissed the top of my head. "As long as you think they won't show up unexpectedly at your door, and as long as we are careful when we go back to Forks, we can certainly wait another month and a half, until the end of the semester."
"They won't. Billy never even left the reservation after Charlie died, he was the only person he visited in town. And I can't imagine Jake showing up without calling first. Although…I should call him so that he doesn't worry and decide to come check on me because he can't get in touch."
"Whatever you think is best."
"And then I guess I'll call them after Christmas…tell them I decided to move elsewhere, that I'll be in touch, and then just…not be."
"I'm sorry, Bella."
"Don't be, please." My whisper was hoarse but resolute. "I don't want this to hurt you too."
"Anything that hurts you, hurts me. I hate that I am the cause of so much pain for you."
"You're not the cause. You aren't the one that would start a war over something that is my choice."
"No, but regardless, your pain is my pain."
I sucked in a deep breath. "Let's go, Edward. I want to get back…I can think about this more clearly after I have a chance to get used to it."
I could see that he didn't agree, but he started the car and pulled back onto the road, keeping my hand clasped firmly in his. I sat and watched the thick forest flash by the window, feeling as though I were mourning the death of my family all over again.
"Bella, please tell me what it was like…when you lived with them." His voice was calm but kind, and I knew he was honest in his curiosity. I sighed softly, thinking about what I could tell him that wouldn't hurt him any more.
"Really…it was just very blurry. I had to fight Renee tooth and nail to allow me to go live there…she wanted me to come back and live with her but I was eighteen…and once I moved in, time just seemed to speed up. Jake gave me his room, their house could fit into your living room, easily, so he took the couch but left his clothes in the closet. I always felt so bad about that, like I'd thrown him out of his own room, but he told me that guys don't care about that kind of thing, as long as they have a place to sleep and food to eat. I made dinner for them every night…they'd always ate packaged crap unless they went over to someone's house, so they were happy to give me the keys to the kitchen. Jake and I used to fight over the bathroom until Billy finally had enough and made a shower schedule for us." A ghost of a smile tingled over my face. "I got first dibs on the bathroom in the morning since I had to drive so far to school, so I've become a pro at showering and dressing in ten minutes flat. If I took any longer, Jake would bang on the door and holler at me until I came out.
"The rest of the Quileutes," here I stopped to steady my voice again, "Were very kind. They just accepted me wholeheartedly, with open arms. For the first time I felt like I was part of an actual family, instead of being something that had to be shuttled back and forth between my parents. There was so much warmth, so much love between them. Everything was just implicitly understood…even when they were squabbling, it was like family, there were no hard feelings. They accepted me as I was, they loved me when I felt like no one else did."
I felt him wince and immediately regretted my words. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"
"No, Bella," he quickly interjected. "You had no way of knowing about me. It just hurts to hear that you have ever been made to feel that way." He exhaled slowly. "What about your mother? Why didn't you go back to live with her?"
"My relationship with my mother is strange, to say the least. When I lived with her, it was always as though our roles were reversed, as though she were the child and I the responsible adult. I love her, and I miss her, but," I bit my lip, feeling guilty for some reason. "Is it horrible of me to say that I don't miss being with her? I feel like I acted as her parent for so long, it's almost like when your kid goes off to college. You miss them, but at the same time it's nice to be without the constant responsibility and problems. Plus, I didn't have any connection to her life in Jacksonville. I didn't want to uproot everything and start all over again. And I don't think that she truly wanted me to…I know that she meant it when she tried me to move back with her, she's my mother, after all. But she's enjoying her life with Phil so much now, I would have put a kink in it."
Edward growled softly.
"She loves me," I said quietly. "We just work better apart."
We fell silent again until we entered the Port Angeles city limits and Edward slowed the car, finally speaking. "You really don't have anyone else in the world, do you?"
I turned to look at him and brought the hand he still had clasped around mine up to my face, running my lips gently across the marble of his knuckles. "I have you."
Something in his face, frozen since I'd listened to the voicemail from Jake, thawed in that moment, instantaneously transforming him from a stone-faced statue to the familiar expression of the man I knew and loved. We came to a smooth stop at a red light and he was suddenly leaning over to me, his breath cool and sweet against my face as he kissed me fiercely.
"You will always have me, Bella."
A/N: Ferdinand Freiligrath's poem "O lieb, so lang du lieben kannst" that Edward references includes in part:
"Oh love, as long as you are able to love
Oh love, as long as you have the desire to love.
The moment will come, the moment will come
where you'll be standing at the grave with regret."
Makes you wonder what's on his mind, hmm?