Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Eight

The day was one filled with to-do's.

After Edward and I reluctantly pulled ourselves out of bed, we each embarked on a list of things which had suddenly taken on a new urgency. Edward especially seemed gripped with a need to have our affairs in order, as though he'd been holding himself back for too long and was afraid he only had a limited amount of time to plan.

After showering and changing, I tucked my wallet into my purse, placed a lingering kiss on Edward's lips, and walked down to the leasing office for the apartment complex, the keys to Edward's Volvo in my pocket. I gave notice to the leasing agent that I'd be moving out in December and wrote a check to cover my last month's rent. The agent asked to what address he should mail the check for my security deposit and I asked that he donate it to a local homeless shelter instead, as I was unsure what my address would be in two months' time.

Next I drove to the bank and closed my personal checking and savings account, holding out a couple hundred dollars in cash and requesting the balance in the form of a cashier's check, made out to Edward Cullen. I was sure that the amount was fairly paltry compared to the Cullens' fortune, even though it was a substantial sum left over from the sale of Charlie's house and his life insurance policy. Edward's insistence on our money was a little bit easier to accept when I could contribute to it, even in a tiny way. I wondered briefly how they'd managed to accumulate so much wealth, but then realized that both centuries of time and a psychic family member probably had a lot to do with it.

I went to the town library and settled an overdue fine I'd put off paying.

I picked up my dry cleaning.

I visited the post office and collected the mail from my P.O. Box, mostly junk and circulars. I sat for a moment in Edward's car outside the post office, wanting to call Renee, but deciding that I should put off that particular conversation until after I spoke with Edward.

Finally, I checked the time and realized with a start that it was almost 1:30, no wonder my stomach was protesting so loudly. I headed back home to find that Edward had prepared yet another wonderful lunch for me.

"So what were you up to today?" I inquired in between bites.

"I called Carlisle and spoke with him briefly. He wants to talk to the two of us together this weekend, but I thought it prudent to give him a heads-up as far in advance as possible."

I swallowed nervously. "What did he think?"

Edward smiled encouragingly at me. "He was surprised at first, I suppose Alice managed to keep her mouth shut about this one piece of news. But he was happy to hear it. Esme is over the moon with joy, of course."

"We've got almost two months, though."

"You'll find, love, that two months is nothing in a vampire's lifetime."

"Yes," I murmured. "What else?"

"I contacted a real estate agency in Ithaca and asked them to start looking for a home that would suit our family's needs."

I perked up. "We're still going to Ithaca?"

"Yes, love, the whole family will go."

"Oh…they're not moving because of me, are they?"

Edward shrugged gracefully. "They were planning on moving within the next eight months or so anyway, we'd spent several years in Forks already and people are beginning to wonder. This is just a good reason to move it up a few months."

"Okay."

"And finally, I managed to keep myself from ripping open an enormous box that was delivered here shortly before you arrived. Your La Perla order, I believe?"

I giggled softly at his hopeful expression. "I'll open that up in a bit."

He sighed theatrically. "As long as you'll let me help you sort it and put it away. So what did you do today, love?"

I stood up from the table and put my empty plate into the dishwasher, then went into the living room and curled up on the sofa. Edward settled next to me and pulled me into his hard body. "I gave notice on my apartment. And I went to the bank…I have a cashier's check for you to add to our funds."

"All right," he replied simply.

"And just some other little errands, things I needed to take care of. There are some other things I need to do, but I wanted to talk to you first."

He hummed questioningly against the top of my head.

"Edward…right afterwards…I'm not going to be able to be around people for a while, am I?"

"No, probably not," he replied quietly.

"I'd like to go visit my mom beforehand, then. If I can squeeze in one more visit, I don't think she'll consider it strange that I don't see her again for a while, as long as I keep in touch otherwise. I can tell her I moved to Europe on a student exchange program. She won't question that."

"Or you could tell her you met someone and eloped."

I thought for a moment. "I could do that."

"You have to remember that you'll look different afterwards, Bella. They'll be subtle changes, but noticeable. Even when you are able to see her again, she'll see the differences in your appearance."

"By that point I hope I'll be able to tell her that married life agrees with me." I tilted my head to kiss his chin and he squeezed me in response. "I was thinking…maybe right after my last class we could fly down together and I could introduce you."

"What will you introduce me as?" There was a new tone in his voice and I twisted upright to look at him.

"Well…as my boyfriend, I guess. Why?"

"I have a favor to ask you, and although you're free to say no, I really would like you to consider it seriously."

"All right."

Edward's hand gently caressed my face and then my lips, before dropping to pick up my left hand. "Bella…I would like for you to marry me before I change you."

I blinked.

"I know it may seem like a small technicality, but it would mean the world to me. I'll change you regardless of your decision, but it's one thing I would like to do in the proper order. We don't have to make it a big fancy affair, we can just go down to city hall if you like. But having my ring on your finger when I change you...the symbolism of it is very important to me."

I licked my lips. "If it's important to you, then it's important to me."

His topaz eyes were soft as they moved over my face. "It's very important to me. Call me old-fashioned, but I want…I need you to be my wife, not just my mate."

"Okay," I said after a moment. "I have no objection to that, of course…but can you tell me why?"

He gently enclosed my left hand in his. "Aside from the fact that I'm a product of a different era…being with you like this, Bella…it makes me feel human again. And marrying you, the beautiful warm woman that has somehow found her way to me and will live in my heart eternally...it will be the absolute closest thing I will ever do to being human again. You have changed me in so many ways, made me a better person, happier, kinder. Regardless of what I said earlier about whether I'd rather be a human or a vampire, to me, marriage is that last link I have to the young man I once was. I like to think, no, I know," he picked up my hand and kissed it. "That my parents would utterly approve of you, had they been given the chance to meet you."

Sudden tears stung my eyes. It was so easy to forget how young Edward had been when his life had ended, how he'd known both his parents had died before him, how he must have accepted the fact that his own death was imminent. A seventeen-year-old with his entire life in front of him, so many plans and hopes and aspirations…losses that were now eternally frozen in his memory. Some of those plans were no longer possible, but the enormity of knowing that one of the greatest hopes in his perpetual life involved a simple exchange of vows with someone ephemeral like me…it was unbelievable.

His cool fingers brushed away the tears that I hadn't realized were spilling over onto my cheeks. "Did I say too much?"

"No," I sniffled. "I'm just overwhelmed. You have lived an entire life…several lives…before I was even born. You have been places, seen things, experienced so much, and yet you want me. You want me, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and forever. I don't know why I can wrap my mind around that more easily than the fact you want something as simple as to marry me."

"Our spiritual connection is intangible, our marriage would be quite legal and concrete." He smiled a little. "Plus it will always remind me of how you chose me, how you met me halfway."

I swiped at my wet face with my sleeve. "Is this the romantic proposal you were planning?"

He laughed. "No, that scenario involves candles and flowers and declarations on bended knee of my undying devotion to you."

"I don't know what else you could say that could be more romantic than what you just did, but I can't wait to find out."

"Does this mean I have permission to go file for a marriage license for us?"

I laughed and threw my arms around his neck. "I'd already told you that I'd marry you, silly man."

He squeezed me back. "Yes, but there wasn't a deadline attached to it then."

"I want to set a date."

"For the wedding?"

"Well, that too, but…" For some reason, talking about the actual act of him changing me still made me feel shy. He understood immediately.

"There is no rush, Bella. I don't want you to feel as though it's an urgent thing. We can wait months, years even. If you changed your mind and decided not to go through with it I would live happily by your side for the rest of your human life."

I shuddered a little at the thought of an ancient Bella arm-in-arm with Edward's eternal youthful perfection. "No, I'm not going to change my mind. I guess I feel as though it's a logical time for change…leaving Washington, marrying you, being changed. Everything tied up nice and neat at once so we can really start our lives together. No lingering to-do's on our list."

"Yes," he agreed.

"Edward, why do you look older than seventeen?"

He burst out laughing, throwing his head back. "You do ask the strangest questions sometimes. Out of left field, as the saying goes."

"Since I'm technically cradle-robbing, I think it's a perfectly reasonable question."

"You're hardly cradle-robbing, I'm over a hundred years old." I snorted and he laughed again. "I suppose it's a combination of things. People tended to grow up faster a century ago. In addition to that, the physical changes of becoming a vampire lend a certain maturity to your body. And finally, I am just over one hundred years old. As you said, I have seen and experienced many many things during that time. Experience ages a person."

"Can I ask another random question?"

"You can ask me anything you want," he chuckled.

"Will the sex be even better when we're both vampires?"

"Is this your way of telling me that I'm not satisfying you?" he smirked.

I smacked his chest, which of course did nothing except hurt my fingers. He picked up my hand and kissed it, his cool lips soothing the ache immediately. "Based on what I've been forced to endure over the decades, it would seem so. Emmett and Rosalie have done more property damage than you'd believe in their escapades. Jasper and Alice aren't quite as destructive but are equally enthusiastic. At least Carlisle and Esme are more discreet."

"It must be awkward, though, trying to enjoy it in a houseful of vampires with supersonic hearing."

He laughed and began toying with the ends of my hair. "You get used to it, believe it or not. Although I wouldn't be adverse to us having a house of our own, close enough to the family to visit, but out of hearing range."

"Agreed." I stretched against him, enjoying the feel of my muscles moving against his stone body. "So are we going to set a date or not?"

"Let's wait until we talk to Carlisle, love. We'll have to be settled wherever we'll be living, I can't change you here and then take a roadtrip across the country."

"Why not?"

"A car wouldn't contain you as a thirsty newborn," he said firmly.

"Oh." I silently resolved to ask Carlisle about more of the unpleasant details, I could tell Edward didn't enjoy discussing them with me. "Well then, let's set a date for the wedding."

"I haven't even proposed to you yet, impatient woman!"

I rested my hand over his heart. "I would marry you tomorrow, you know."

His expression changed immediately. "You don't know what it means to me to hear you say that."

I let my hand slip down his chest, coming to rest much lower on his body. "I think I do."

We made love right there on my cramped little couch, and somehow Edward managed to make even that wonderful. He sat back with me facing him, straddling his lap, his cool hands holding tight to my burning hips, his golden eyes scorching into my soul as I came, gasping his name.

***

The rest of the week passed uneventfully and surprisingly quickly. I went back to class the next day, recognizing that my regular routine of lectures and homework could only help time move faster. It also gave me something to think about other than the obsessive musings about vampires that monopolized my mind now.

Edward kept himself busy with a million different errands and preparations that apparently preceded each one of the Cullens' moves. At one point he asked for my birth certificate and I assumed it was for the marriage license, but he didn't explain and I didn't ask. The real estate agent hadn't yet found a home in Ithaca that fulfilled all the Cullens' requirements, and Edward's frustration over being unable to have that one element settled was obvious.

Each morning I dressed for the day in front of him, languidly pulling on matching panties and a bra from the enormous box of La Perla lingerie. Even I had to admit that the gorgeous underwear looked unbelievably sensual on my body, and the lust that darkened his eyes as he watched me confirmed it. Every night, he made good on his promise and peeled it off me, his lips caressing each inch of flesh as it was revealed. I never tired of watching his mouth move over my body. I couldn't get enough of him.

Friday was my free day with no classes, so Thursday night I quickly completed all the assignments that would be due Monday, wanting to enjoy my weekend with the Cullens. I packed a bag this time, and tucked my journal on top of the clothing. I felt a pang of guilt that I hadn't yet started writing in it, but I was waiting for something that I felt needed to be recorded. In the meantime I carried it with me every day to class.

Early Friday morning we left for Forks, and with Edward's driving, we were there in half an hour. Esme greeted me with a hug and a kiss as the other Cullens gathered around.

"Rose and Emmett will be here in exactly two hours!" Alice sang, and Esme's eyes glowed.

"It will be so nice to have my entire family in one place again." She smiled fondly at me, obviously including me in that statement. I smiled back and realized that the Cullens would want to spend as much time with Rosalie and Emmett as possible, so I screwed up my courage and turned to face Carlisle. Edward squeezed my hand reassuringly.

"Carlisle, could I speak with you? I have some questions I'd like to ask."

"Of course, Bella," he replied immediately. "Let's go upstairs into my office, shall we?"

Carlisle in his office was a study in contrasts. Endless rows of books lined the walls, the rich leather gleaming softly in the mid-morning light. One whole wall was dedicated to a variety of paintings in heavy frames, and in the center of the room was a massive wooden desk. In the midst of it all stood the patriarch of the Cullen family, as beautiful as any of them, looking entirely too young to be comfortable in such a timeless setting. Only his kind calm face reflected the centuries he'd lived, and I was reminded of Edward's words about experience aging him. Physically, Carlisle looked no older than thirty, but there was a deep wisdom in his eyes that spoke louder than words.

He gestured for us both to sit in front of his desk, smiling. "What would you like to talk about, Bella?"

I took a deep breath, hoping I wouldn't forget any of the questions I'd resolved to ask him. "Edward told you that I've asked him to change me?" He nodded. "I guess my first question is how you feel about that?"

Carlisle appeared surprised for the briefest of moments. "I already consider you a daughter, Bella. You have brought the greatest joy to a man I consider my son, and I love you dearly for that."

"Yes, but…are you okay with him changing me? I ask because," I stopped for a moment, willing my nerves not to get the better of me. "Before, I'd been under the impression that a human had to be dying to become a vampire. Then Edward told me that it could happen at any time, but that you wouldn't ever do it to someone who had another choice, someone who could live. And so I just wanted to know how you felt about our decision."

Carlisle sat back in his chair a little, his expression thoughtful. "What Edward said is very true. Allow me to ask you this: do you feel you have any other choice than to be with Edward?"

"No," I responded immediately.

"But you do have the choice to be with him, without being changed. I know you recognize that."

His words were firm but his eyes were kind and I understood what he was trying to say.

"What I told him is that since I know being with him forever with him is an option, I can't imagine not asking him for that. I can't imagine voluntarily choosing a finite lifetime, however long or short that may be, over eternity with him. I don't like to imagine him…what he would do…if I were to die." Edward shifted next to me but I pressed on. "I don't want this out of guilt or worry for him, though, I want it because I do know what it would do to me if I lost him tomorrow. And the pain of that is not something I want either of us to endure, when we have another option available to us."

Carlisle was quiet for a moment. "Bella, I can tell how much you've thought about this, or as much as conscious thought would rule a decision like this. You will be the first in our family who chooses this life, and more so, chooses it out of love. I'm honored that you would chose my son, that you would chose our family. Your choice is giving us more than you realize. If you're asking for my blessing on your decision, you have it, unequivocally and wholeheartedly."

"Thank you," I whispered.

"You have other questions, though?"

"Yes."

"You can ask me anything." He smiled warmly at me again and in that moment I realized how much I already loved this man that would be my adopted father.

"The only thing is," I took a deep breath and turned to Edward. I'd been keeping this from him but I was firm in my resolve. "I don't want you to be here for this part."

Edward's face immediately reflected his shock. "Why?"

"Because I know you don't like thinking of some of the…technical details. There are things I want to ask that I know will hurt you to hear me talk about. And I don't want that."

"I can stay here and be strong for you, I owe you that at least, if I'm going to take your life," he said stubbornly.

"Please?" I asked quietly, and his expression wavered minutely.

"Edward, go," Carlisle interjected smoothly. "I understand what she's saying and she has a right to that privacy. Go hunt."

Edward stood slowly, unhappiness tight around his eyes and mouth. "I won't be gone long, love."

"Why are you worried?" I asked, hating the lines that stress etched across his perfect forehead.

"You should be able to ask me anything."

"I know I can. But I need you to do this for me, please?"

He sighed and bent to gently kiss my lips, then was gone. There was silence in the room for a moment.

"He wants to be everything for you, Bella, I'm sure you understand that. His need to protect you is almost overwhelming."

"I know." I took a deep breath. "But it goes both ways. I want to protect him too."

"Of course."

"I can see it in his eyes, whenever we've come close to certain topics…he wants to change me, we're in total agreement, but he hates the parts of it I want to ask you about."

Carlisle smiled ruefully and I was suddenly struck with the realization that he had known Edward for ninety-one years. Of course he would know him just as well, or better, than I. "If it were up to Edward, he would skip the three-day change and the first year or two to whisk you off to happily-ever-after. But he knows he can't and he hates that he still wants it anyway."

"Yes, that's exactly what I mean," I replied gratefully. "I don't want to romanticize this. I knew that you would be honest with me."

"Of course. And I'm very glad that you have approached me on this, Bella. It lightens my mind and heart to know you're going into this as well-informed as possible."

"Well then," I sucked in a deep breath. "Why don't you tell me the nitty-gritty details?"

He eyed me thoughtfully. "Edward has told you the mechanics?"

"Yes."

"I don't know if he glossed over the actual change, but it is excruciatingly painful, Bella. More so than words can describe. Even Esme, who was the closest to death when she was changed, clearly remembers the pain. I will do everything medically I can for you, though…things I didn't have the time to do for the others. There is morphine, other options I'll have to think about."

"Okay."

"And then at the end of it, you die, Bella. You die. That is one thing that you may not be prepared for, psychologically. Your human life will be over."

I could feel my palms becoming sweaty, but at the same time his honesty made me feel lighter. "I guess that's something I'll just have to accept that I can't prepare for. I mean, I'm human. I know I'm going to die. But who is ever really truly prepared for it?"

"Yes," he sighed. "After the change is complete, most vampires experience a year or two of unbridled bloodlust and violent emotions. We call them newborns. They are motivated purely by blood generally, and human blood specifically. It is an instinct which overrules all others. A newborn would thoughtlessly slaughter and drain their entire human family, their own mother and father, just to satisfy the burn that never goes away."

I shuddered. "Is it always like that for everyone?"

He paused for a moment, cocking his head as if listening for something. "No. Just as humans are unique, newborns are as well. I suppose it may be linked to the amount of self-control they regularly exercised as humans, as well as the circumstances of their change. You, of course, will have us to support you at every moment."

"Have you ever known anyone who skipped it altogether?" I felt as though there was something he was stepping around, not lying exactly, but avoiding the topic nevertheless.

His deep topaz eyes fixed on mine. "Yes."

Something in his gaze said more to me in that moment than any words ever could.

"Bella, this is something I haven't discussed with anyone else, primarily because until Edward met you, it was irrelevant. I've lived for centuries, there are many events and memories which I haven't yet shared with the others, simply because they haven't been significant. From the moment that Edward's world shifted to include you in our family, I knew that I had to keep this from him. What I am about to tell you may have been an aberration, but I want to share it with you. I know that you are learning to shield your thoughts from him, and I ask that you genuinely try to do that with what I'm about to tell you."

A tiny part of me rebelled against the idea of keeping anything from Edward, but Carlisle's expression and soft words made me realize it was utterly essential this once. "All right."

"Has Edward told you about the time I spent in Italy with the Volturi?"

I shook my head at the unfamiliar name.

"They are, for all intents and purposes, the enforcers of the rules of our kind. You can think of them either as royalty or as a governing body. I lived with them for some time, but that story will have to wait for another day, when we aren't pressed for time.

"While I was with them, there was a member of their guard named Cesare. Although fraternization with local humans was not encouraged, he met and fell deeply in love with a local girl named Annata. She came to return his love, and he shared with her the nature of his being. Normally such a thing is strictly forbidden by the Volturi, but in return for Cesare's many years of devoted service in the guard, the Volturi granted him permission to tell Annata the complete truth about our kind, and to offer her immortality as well. Of course, it was on the condition that they both be immediately destroyed if she refused." Carlisle's smile was wry. "She is the only human I know of who willingly and with forethought chose our way of life, out of love."

"Oh," I breathed. "What happened?"

"She chose him, and he changed her. They were still in Volterra when I left, although Cesare had left the guard by that time to be with his mate. They were very happy, from what I understood."

"That's wonderful. Why don't you want Edward to know that story?"

Carlisle reclined back in his chair, although his expression did not relax. "Annata is not just the only other human I know who willingly made the decision that you now face. She is also the only one I know who, for all intents and purposes, passed over the newborn frenzy. When she awoke from the change she was, by definition, a newborn. Her eyes were red, her strength and speed were unparalleled except by much older vampires. But the uncontrollable bloodlust, the mania of unmanageable emotions and actions, they were almost completely absent. As long as Cesare was with her, she was able to exercise the most astonishing self-control. They followed a traditional vampire diet, of course, but she hunted with restraint and discipline. It was remarkable. She looked to him as the axis on which her world turned, as though she were bound to him by gravity. A single touch or word from him and she calmed immediately. It was as though her love for him was her singular purpose in a frightening new life, it grounded her and gave her strength. She willingly approached her new life with that love and it only intensified after her change."

My mind was whirling. "But still…why wouldn't you want Edward to know this?"

"I don't want to unfairly raise his expectations, Bella," he replied gently. "Those two unique factors about Annata may have been completely unrelated, as unlikely as that may be. I don't want Edward to ever count too much on your love for each other. As strong as the bonds of mated vampires are, newborn instincts are equally strong. Should you have a 'normal' newborn stage, he will have to be on his guard at all times, aware of you day and night. None of us want you to suffer the guilt of taking a human life if you are overpowered by the very instincts you will be naturally born with. I didn't tell you this to give you a false sense of security, Bella, your first few years will be difficult no matter what. There is nothing I can tell you that will truly prepare you for it."

"What does it feel like…to crave blood so much?"

"We crave it as nourishment, just as you crave food when you are hungry. The only difference is that vampires crave it all the time, to differing degrees of course."

"Will hunting be hard for me to learn?"

"No, you will follow your instincts. And we will be there to help you, of course."

"Will I able to see my mother again?"

"In time, but probably not right away. We will do our best to keep you away from all humans at first, as a precautionary measure. The difference in your appearance will be subtle, but noticeable. And remember that you will cease to age."

"Edward and I talked about this…we're going to make a trip to go see her, beforehand. Then I'll just tell her I'm doing an exchange program overseas or something. She won't think to question it…we used to be close, but ever since I moved to Forks, we've drifted apart. We figured we would just leave town, I told my boss I was moving to Alaska but there's no one else that will probably even notice I'm gone."

"No one?" His gaze was unwavering.

"The Quileutes…"

"Yes, Edward has told me of your relationship with them. I cannot tell you what to do, Bella, but believe me when I tell you that it would be disastrous for all concerned if they were to discover your plans."

"Edward said I shouldn't even see them in person again, even to say goodbye."

"He's probably right. If they are unaware of your current relationship with us, it would be best to keep it that way."

"But how would they know?"

He hesitated. "The Quileutes have an unusual genetic quirk, although I think it must skip multiple generations. When we were here before, they easily sensed who and what we were. They would know you had been around us just by the scent."

"The scent?"

"Yet another long story that we'll tell you when we're not so pressed for time," he promised. "Is there anything else you'd like to discuss before Edward returns?"

"How will I be different? Will I still recognize all of you? Will I still know Edward?" My greatest fear about the entire situation, finally voiced.

"You will be different, but you will still be you. Your most recent human memories will be the clearest, but all of them fade with time. You will know us, and you will certainly still know Edward. Immediately after you wake up, you may be confused and disoriented, but we will all be there. And we will help you remember, Bella. You are giving your precious life to us, it is the least we can do to help you remember and cherish everything beautiful about the human you are now." He cocked his head again, listening. "Edward is coming back."

"Thank you, Carlisle."

He came around from his desk and kissed my forehead. "Thank you, Bella. My newest daughter."

Edward knocked lightly on the door and then entered right away, his eyes going immediately to my face and the arm Carlisle had clasped affectionately around me. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything is perfect." I went immediately to him, lowering my eyes as a precaution, and kissed his lips. The shadows under his eyes were lighter, as were his topaz eyes, and there was the faintest flush on his alabaster skin. He was beautiful.

"There are still a few things we'll need to discuss at some point," came Carlisle's voice from behind me. "I told Bella that I will do everything medically in my power to ease her change. I'd like to discuss a few options with you, Edward."

"Yes." Edward's face relaxed. "We still don't have a house to go to, though."

"We could always go to one of our other homes, we don't even have to stay in the country."

They fell to discussing that possibility as we descended the staircase and went into the living room. I looked around briefly for my bag, but it had disappeared.

"Esme took it up to my room, love," Edward interrupted his conversation with Carlisle to speak to me, then immediately turned back to resume it. I blinked, surprised that he'd picked so solid a thought out of my head, while looking away and talking to someone else, no less. As I climbed the stairs to the third floor I wondered if the constant contact and closer proximity to me had strengthened Edward's ability to read my mind.

Edward's room…our room, was just as we'd left it the weekend before. I looked at the wide bed and smiled, allowing my mind to run over the memories. How could it have only been one week? My bag was sitting at the end of the bed and I quickly rummaged through it.

One of the few possessions of Charlie's that I'd kept was a Meisterstück Montblanc pen. It had been awarded to him as a token of appreciation from the good people of Forks for his many years in service, just five months before his death. As far as I knew, he'd never used it, and while cleaning out the house before its sale, I'd found the pen stuck in a kitchen drawer. It wasn't a surprise, really, Charlie wasn't much of a writer and he certainly wouldn't have used a gold-nib fountain pen to scratch out speeding tickets.

I'd barely used it either, thinking that I would have to wait for a journal or stationery special enough to be worthy of that pen. I'd found that in my journal, Edward's gift to me.

Journal and pen in hand, I went back downstairs and seated myself at a pretty French writing desk in the living room, opening the journal to the first page and uncapping the pen. Edward looked up and smiled at me, I knew he'd been wondering why I hadn't written in the journal, and I'd simply told him I was waiting for inspiration.

Carefully, not wanting to ruin the beauty of the heavy cream-colored paper with my normal scrawl, I simply wrote "Gravity" across the top. Then I closed my eyes, remembering that old movie about children with glowing eyes who could read minds, and the hero who blocked them out by thinking about a brick wall. Instead of a brick wall I imagined a glass wall surrounding my mind. I could see through it, but there was no sound from the other side. I sat for a moment more, letting the image sink deeper into my mind, before I put pen to paper and wrote out every detail I could remember Carlisle telling me about Cesare and Annata. It was a story I wanted to make sure I remembered.

As soon as I had capped the pen and closed the journal, I felt Edward's cool hand sweep my hair aside and his lips press to the back of my neck. "Where did you go?" he whispered, close to my ear.

I turned to him and smiled, my mind now open to him. "What do you mean?"

Relief crossed his face but there was confusion there too. "While you were sitting here, suddenly I just…stopped hearing you. There was nothing. If it hadn't been for the fact that I could see you writing and hear your heartbeat, I would have panicked."

"Maybe I didn't want you to know what I was thinking about," I teased, and he blinked, surprised.

"You did that on purpose?"

"I guess so."

"I didn't like it."

I laughed and stood. "You will have to get used to the fact that there will be some things I want to keep private, Edward." Secretly, I was pleased that my little mental experiment had worked so well, I'd have to practice it again.

"No, I don't mean that…of course you are entitled to privacy in your own mind, and I respect that. But I couldn't hear or feel anything from you, Bella. No thoughts, no emotions, nothing."

"Fascinating," I heard Carlisle murmur from across the room, and we both turned to face him. "Bella, while you were sitting there, were you consciously trying to block Edward out?"

I blushed. "Yes."

"And then, just now, you deliberately allowed him back in?"

"I guess so, yes."

"Amazing, that you already have that kind of control." Carlisle's eyes were gleaming with the excitement of a new discovery. "We really must have you meet Eleazar as soon as possible…one of our friends in Denali. He's able to more clearly sense and define extrasensory gifts than any of us. I will be very interested to see what he thinks about this. And after your change, hmm…" He thought for a moment. "Can you do it again?"

Edward growled slightly beside me and I poked him. "Yes, just give me a minute."

"Of course," Carlisle replied immediately, leading me over to the enormous white sofa. Esme, Alice and Jasper sat down around me as well, making me feel like a bug under a microscope. Of course Edward immediately picked up on that thought and scowled. "She isn't a science experiment, Carlisle."

"No of course not, I apologize, Bella. You don't have to do any of this if you're uncomfortable."

"No, it's okay, I just," I laughed nervously. "I'm not used to being the center of attention. But now I'm curious too."

"All right then. Edward, can you feel and hear her now?"

"Yes."

"Bella…"

I shut my eyes, trying to quiet the butterflies in my stomach. In my mind I could see the thick glass wall slowly settling into place. I licked my lips and tried to picture it more clearly. I tried to see the slight distortion in the clear barrier from it being so thick. I tried to imagine the muffled silence that came from being encased in it, like swimming down to the bottom of the deep end of a pool.

Edward stiffened beside me and I knew immediately that it was working.

"Jasper?" I heard Carlisle say softly, and then after a moment he addressed me. "Bella, do you feel any different?"

"No," I said slowly, opening my eyes. "But my head is starting to hurt from concentrating so hard." Maybe I could convince Alice to skip the makeover she had planned and I could practice this instead, surely it would only get easier.

Jasper chuckled. "I was throwing enough calm at you that you should be passed out on the floor right now. I guess you're blocking me out too."

"Alice, can you still see her future?"

"Yes," she said promptly.

"Carlisle…" Edward's voice was thick with the strain, and I reacted immediately to his distress. I concentrated harder, imagining the glass wall melting and shimmering away, and to my surprise it was easier than erecting it. The wall was gone and Edward's arms went around me as I slumped against him.

"That was…" Carlisle began, only to be interrupted by Alice.

"Oh DAMN!"

We all stared at her and she scowled at me. "I really wanted to do that makeover, Bella. Not that there's anything wrong with the way you look, but I was hoping to…"

"Alice, wait!" Carlisle commanded. "Did her future change just now?"

"Yes." She wrinkled her nose at me. "We were going to have some girl time this afternoon and apparently she's going to work on this with Edward instead."

Carlisle's eyes flickered back to me. "Bella, did you make that decision while you were shielding your mind?"

"Yes." My temples were beginning to throb and I leaned my head against Edward's shoulder.

"And Alice, did you only see her future after she stopped?"

Alice nodded, her eyes suddenly going wide.

"Absolutely unbelievable," Carlisle said quietly. "I can't believe it."

"Believe what?" I was so suddenly so tired that the thought of falling asleep against Edward's stone shoulder was appealing.

"Bella, you seem to have some kind of ability to consciously block everything away from your mind. Edward's reading, of course, but also Jasper's ability to manipulate your emotions. And Alice was unable to see the changes you'd made in your future until you let your guard back down again, she couldn't see them in real-time. I've never heard of anything like this."

I yawned. "I'm glad I gave you something to ponder."

"More than you know." Carlisle sat back in his chair, his eyes thoughtful. Edward's arms tightened around me as I yawned again and Esme clucked in disapproval.

"She's exhausted. Enough experimenting on Bella for the day."

"I think a short nap might be in order," Edward agreed immediately. "I'm taking her upstairs." He went to pick me up but I shook my head and stood slowly.

"I'm okay, just worn out."

"Let me go with you," he insisted. I trudged up the stairs to the third floor, another yawn cracking my jaw.

"Why am I so tired all of a sudden?"

He exhaled slowly. "You apparently expended an enormous amount of mental energy keeping three very talented vampires out of your head. I'm surprised you didn't keel over downstairs."

We reached his room and I climbed onto the bed, flopping down without bothering to turn down the covers. Edward was immediately behind me, and my last thought before falling asleep was of the feeling of security as his cool arms slipped around me.

A/N: Okay, a long note from me this time, but it's all pertinent, I swear!

The movie that Bella remembers with the mind-reading children is "Village of the Damned."

I know there's been much discussion about why Jasper's abilities do affect Bella in the books, including Stephenie Meyer's explanation, but I've just never bought it. Jasper's talent supposedly affected mood, and I strongly believe that your mood and emotions originate from your mind. If his gift was strictly manipulating physical responses (e.g. heart rate, chemical balances), then I could definitely see him being able to affect Bella, but not her mood/emotions, which is how it was always referred to in the books. You could certainly argue that he actually is affecting physical response and that it's simply translated then as "mood" or "emotion," but I don't see it that way, especially since he affects vampires and humans equally, despite their very different physiologies. I think I explained why Bella's gift might poke holes in Alice's vision: she can't see any decisions that Bella makes while shielding her mind.

These are just my theories in my story, I'm not saying anyone has to agree with them, but that's how they're playing out in my universe!

Finally, the fabulous Joba Rules gave me a wonderful idea for an outtake one-shot…how about Edward's point of view from one of his early nights out on Bella's balcony? Not sure when I'll get that done, probably around the holidays since I'm not sure how much writing I'll get done around then. If you have another suggestion for a o/s outtake, let me know!

And finally, THANK YOU for all your wonderful comments, especially to those of you who take the time to ask questions or ponder what's coming next. It gets my fingers typing!

ETA: Okay, just a little bit more! I have a new super-fab beta, Stratan, who has started a Twilighted thread on this story! Come check it out at www (dot) twilighted (dot) net/forum/viewtopic (dot) php?f=33&t=7736 (Friendly-linkable is on my profile)