Whelp, looks like we're on the shit list again, huh Kels? :P

yeah that seems pretty typical of us. Either people LOVE the chap or want us to stop writing and kill it because they HATE us. Apparently right now everyone has pitchforks and torches.

Dude, I'm hunkered down in my fort. Bring it.

Word.

Mhm. Unlike SMeyer, though, we own nothing. Which is unfortuate, although I'm not sure I'd manage to fade to black as much as she does.

Yea. well fade to black is dumb. unless im doing it at the end of a chap.

True true. But you know what's not dumb?

what?

Reviews. Reviews are not dumb.

um... well some are. Like the ones that are from anonymous reviewers that ask questions but leave no contact details to send an answer to.

Well, okay. Point. So I guess if you have a question, and you're anonymous please include an email address. We'd love to get back to you :)

Yea so what say you? on with the love/hate?

Yup, sounds like a plan

EPOV

I laid in bed beside Bella, and she was curled up and away from me, asleep. I had to leave in a bit, and I didn't want to not say good bye to her. Even though I'd be back the thought of leaving her again made me ache with need. I wouldn't know what to do with out her. I was getting afraid of facing even a day without Bella's voice, and now it was like she couldn't get farther away from me. Sure, she was enjoying herself, but any idiot could see how detached she was. I didn't get it. I sighed and got up, looking at the basically untouched boxes of condoms. I ran my hand through my hair. If she didn't want to, she should have just said so. I didn't want her to feel like she had to take me. I didn't want to be just another James to her.

I watched her roll over slowly, her arm stretched out to the other side of the bed. When she didn't find me, she started looking around. When her eyes landed on mine she groaned and flopped back down. Broke my fucking heart.

"Bella, I'll go."

"Do you have to?" Bella asked, her voice soft.

I scoffed a little, "Don't you want me to?"

She sat up on her elbows, pouting a bit. "No."

I threw my tee shirt over my head, "Could've fooled me."

She got out of bed and came over to me, running her hand across my jaw. "Hey, listen. I know I was a little moody when you didn't want to keep my spare keys, but--"

She was really pulling shit out of her ass, wasn't she? "Bella, when did I say I didn't want to keep them?"

"When you rolled your eyes after I asked."

I rolled them again for effect. "You roll your eyes at me all the time."

"Yes, but I usually have a verbal answer to go along with it so you know what I'm really saying."

I sighed, and shook my head, looking down. "I don't understand how I can offend you all the time, and not even know I'm doing it. I mean, why would I ask to keep the keys if I didn't want them? That doesn't make sense, love."

SHe dropped her hand from my face and walked back to bed. "Sorry I'm dumb then."

I rolled my eyes at the back of her head. "That's not what I said."

"You're right. I'm just misreading things again, obviously."

"I'm glad you noticed."

She shrugged, "Seems a bit ridiculous that you love someone who is so obviously unable to read you."

I sighed, and pulled up my jeans. "Yeah, it is. But I love you nonetheless, so how do we fix this?"

She wrapped the sheet around her body, looking up at me. "Do you want to keep the keys that I gave you Edward?"

"Yes." I whispered.

"And you love me? Like really, no lies no sarcasm, you really love me?"

My heart stuttered when I realized that she'd actually had to ask. "Yes. How could I not?"

"I just need to know for certain."

"And you didn't previously?"

"We fight over the dumbest things Edward. Obviously there is something that we're unable to say otherwise wouldn't communication be easier?"

She'd lost me. Completely. "So what are you saying? That you don't really love me?" I was terrified of her response, and I felt myself slowly moving for the door.

Her eyes were wide as she spoke. "Edward, I love you more than I need air. I don't... I don't know how to not love you now that I know you."

"So why can't it be the same for me? Why can't I love you like that, no questions asked, fully, completely, and infinitely? What makes me so different from you?"

"You have a fiancee Edward. You loved her at one point as much, if not more than me; so much so that you want to spend the rest of your life with her."

"But you knew that. I never hid that one from you." Other things, yes, but Tanya no. I sighed, putting a hand on my hip and running the other through my hair. "And wait... I thought I was spending the rest of my life with you. Is that not happening now? Bella, what the hell changed? I really don't get it."

"Edward I want that; you, me everything we've talked about. But I can'twant that with someone who's engaged. Can you understand where I'm coming from?"

I nodded, "Yeah. So then I should go, right? Because that's what I'm hearing. That you can't do this with me."

She shook her head. "No, it's just hard the way it is now. But it'd be harder trying to live without you... I can't do this without you."

I sighed and closed my eyes, "See, Bella, you say that but then you do things like twist my words and push me away. How do I know which to believe?"

I could hear the pain in her voice as she spoke. "I--I guess that's for you to decide."

I opened my eyes, "No. That's still you. You have to believe me, and trust that deep down in your gut. Bella, I tease you but that doesn't diminish how much I love you and need you. If I hurt you, you have to tell me, otherwise we end up right back here."

She popped up on her knees adjusting the sheet around her. "I know you love me, it's just... it's easy for the doubt to come in with you being engaged. I know Edward. I know you love me and I know that I love you more than I'll ever be capable of loving anyone else."

I took one step to her. "You'll talk to me?"

She nodded, smiling a little. "Only if, for the time being you give me worded responses with eyerolls."

I sighed sadly and went to her, cupping her cheek in my hand. "Don't be sad, okay? You know I can't leave you."

She leaned into my hand, her eyes fluttering shut. "Don't ever, please."

"Baby, I can't."

"I love you. Always. No matter how up and down I get, no matter how much I worry about us at times. I always, always love you."

I laughed and took her into my arms. "Yeah, Baby, I know. But the point is that I love you too, and that you don't forget that."

BPOV

I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me, but at least we had made up by the time he left around 5. I sat on the couch flipping through the channels on TV trying to figure out what to do with the unexpected gap in my evening.

After doing a couple loads of laundry and cleaning up the small mess I'd left before my trip, I picked up my cell phone calling a friend I had been sadly neglecting.

"Hello?" Angela's voice blared into my ear. I turned the volume down on my cell and laughed. "How's my favorite mommy to be?"

"BELLA!" She yelled and I went to check the volume again - nope down to level 1. "How are you sadie sadie married-and-now-pregnant-lady?" She laughed and took a breath. "I'm good, can't wait for her to get out though, it's like carrying around the biggest pumpkin slash watermelon slash bowling ball you can imagine. "Always the one to give a great mental pic Ang," I teased plopping down onto the couch. We caught up on her and her husband, Tyler's life over the past couple of months and I smiled as she went on and on about her in-laws.

"... and then his mother was like 'well if Iwere pregnant in this day in age Iwould be going to yoga daily and water aerobics to make sure my figure popped back. You don't want my son's eyes to wander in those first few months post labor, do you?" I gasped. "NO! Who the fuck saysstuff like that?" She laughed and I could almost hear her shaking her head, "Ty's mom, THAT's who!" We laughed for a couple more minutes before the conversation began to lull.

"So, enough about me. What's new with you? How's James?" I sighed and rolled my eyes... where the fuck to begin. "I'm cheating on him." I spit out without really thinking. "You're what?" She asked sounding as if she hadn't heard me properly. "I'm cheating on James, with this guy who I'm pretty sure is my happily ever after."

"And who is he? How'd you meet? WHY wasn't this the first topic of conversation?" She said, laughing quietly. I smirked and leaned back into the sofa. I went on for about an hour telling her all about Edward, how we met, the lack of remorse I felt, how great the sex was. "So you're in love then." She said, not forming it into a question I could answer. "Mhm, more than I ever thought I could be."

"And he's still engaged?"

"Yep."

"And you're okay with this?"

"For now."

"Until when?"

I sighed; I hadn't really thought about the time frame we needed to set to figure everything out. "Until he feels guiltless enough to leave her, I guess."

"Bells, I don't mean to sound like a debbie downer but what if... what if he never gets to that point?"

"Then he never gets to that point, he marries her and I walk away." I said matter-of-factly as if I'd thought this through a hundred times before.

"... and you think you'll be able to?"

"If he marries her, I won't have a choice Angela. It's bad enough that we're cheating on our significant others now; I won't let it get that far if he walks her down the aisle. I'm holding on because I love him, he loves me and we wantthat future together."

She let out a breath. "Okay Bella, just be careful."

After that the conversation turned light again and I told her about my trip to New York and Chanel and the job offer. Before I knew it, it was nearing eleven and Angela was yawning on the phone. "Ang, you should go rest. I've been talking your ear off for hours now."

"Don't worry about it Bella, we had a lot to catch up on."

"That we did. So we'll have lunch soon, yea?"

"Yeah, now that I'm on maternity leave I've got heaps of time. You just name the time and I'll waddle over." We both laughed a little and said goodbye. Once I had hung up the phone it hit me how tired I was from all the sex and travel and emotional rollercoasters.

I walked over to the front door flipping on the switch for the outside light so Edward could find the keyhole when he got home.I made my way back to my bedroom and collapsed onto the mattress, making sure to leave his side of the bed empty.

Hopefully he'd wake me up when he got back.

EPOV

I got back to Bella's late, and when I went into the bedroom to curl up with her, she was sprawled out in the middle of the bed. I stripped down to my boxers and tried to gently move her over, but she groaned, grabbing onto the sheets. I pushed the hair off of her forehead and smiled down at her. She was mine, after all. Nothing but mine. And I loved it. I loved her. I took a pillow and the extra blanket from off of her bed, and moved to the couch. Uncomfortable, yes, but there was no way I was going home to Tanya while I could still be with Bella. No fucking way.

I woke up the next morning when I felt someone staring at me. My eyes shot open, and I saw Bella looking confused and worried. "Baby? What's wrong? What time is it?"

She chewed on her bottom lip a little bit more before she spoke. "It's 5:54. I just... I thought you weren't here."

I watched her face drop, and I immediately got nervous. "I'm sorry. You were just comfortable in there, so I didn't want to bother you."

"Oh. Well next time, wake me okay? I don't like waking up without you."

I sighed and pulled her into my lap, cradling her in my arms. "I'm sorry, Baby. You okay?"

She put her head on my shoulder, sighing softly. "Mhm, but can we go back to bed, please? I kept tossing and turning; it's like my body knows when you aren't around."

I kissed her forehead, and scooped her up. "Yeah, Baby. How was your night?"

"It was good. I had a hot date with the laundry room downstairs and caught up with my friend Angela." She whispered, kissing my jaw. "How was yours?"

I put her under the covers and crawled in beside her, "Good. We had fun."

"Good, I'm glad." She pulled away, and pulled off her shirt then gestured toward mine. "Off - I need to feel you."

I smiled down at her and pulled my tee shirt over my head. "I think I might love you, you know."

"Oh, just might, huh?" She asked, smirking as she curled back up into me.

I wrapped my arms around her, and smiled into her hair. "It seems like every time I turn around you're doing something else to make me love you more."

"What was it this time?"

I kissed her scalp, rubbing small circles into her back. "It was the way your eyes turned a lighter shade when you looked at me. Almost like a gold color in the light."

I could feel her blushing as she kissed my chest. "... so what are we doing today?"

"Baby, it's sunday." I said, curling myself into her.

She grinned into my shoulder as she slid out of her pants. "Oh, what was I thinking asking then?"

I laughed, "I don't have a clue. What should I do with you now?"

She pushed her hand into my hair and brushed her lips over mine slowly. "That's my suggestion." She said, smiling.

I rolled my eyes, "Oh, okay. I see how it is." I leaned in and kissed her again, brushing my lips carefully over hers.

She laughed a little and pulled me down on top of her."It was just a suggestion. We can go like... bowling or something instead." She bent her knees around my body.

I laughed and rolled my eyes yet again, "Yeah, Baby, cause I really want to bowl, given my current position." I pushed my hips into hers for emphasis.

She let out a soft whimper, "Then what do you want to do?"

"Be with you." I said, simply. And that was the truth. There wasn't another place I'd want to be or would rather be than with Bella.

"You have me." Bella whispered, pushing her hips up into mine. "Always."

The truth was, though, I didn't. I had her until I left this afternoon when I had to go home to Tanya, and Bella had to see James. I hated that. I hated that everything between us was so.. complicated. Something this perfect and amazing shouldn't be a hardship. I leaned down, burying my face in her shoulder. "I'm so glad I have you, you know that?"
"The feeling is most definitely mutual." She said, pressing her lips to my temple and hovering there.

"We'll make it, Bella, right? We aren't going to lose each other?" The words escaped my lips before I even has a chance to censor them.

She pulled away a little and looked up at me, "I'm here either forever or until you get married to Tanya, whichever comes first."

I groaned and nuzzled my face to hers. "I don't want to think about the end. I just... I want to be with you, and I want it to stay like this forever. Nothing else, love just you and me."

"It's you and I now, Edward."

I squeezed her tighter, "Forever, love." I could feel lethargy seeping into my mind. I'd be out like a light in moments. "No matter what happens between us, Just remember that I'm nothing if I'm not loving you. Anytime we're apart, love: I'm nothing."

She sighed, kissing me softly. "For me too. I wouldn't know how to function without you anymore."

I snuggled back into her, and kissed the side of her face before falling back asleep. I had to hope beyond hope that she wouldn't ever forget that.

At this point, hope was all I had.

BPOV

Edward left late Sunday night, close to midnight in fact. Which made Monday hard to wake up to, especially since it was without him. Monday came and went without a single phone call; not even so much as a single text. I assumed he was busy still catching up on his work from when we were in New York, so I thought nothing of it. But then Tuesday and Wednesday sped through, though there was the minor distraction of James on both nights, pawing over me.

Ugh, look at me. I'm calling my boyfrienda distraction.

Wednesday night as James ran out for another 6 pack of beer, I hit my breaking point. I dialed Edward's number - voicemail, great.

"Hey, um... Edward? It's me. I was just calling cause I hadn't heard from you in forever, okay maybe not forever but three days might as well be right? I mean four days and there were plane tickets being purchased..." I laughed sadly and continued. "Anyway, I just wanted to see how you were and if you were free this week for lunch or something. I miss you. I love you. Bye." I closed my phone and sighed as I flopped onto my bed.

Had I missed something? Some conversation or argument on Sunday night where we ended things? I racked my brain trying to figure out what the fuck had happened between then and now to make him disappear. What about his friend? Maybe he was spending all his time with the friend that was in town? I ran my fingers through my hair groaning in frustration. No, if it was his friend he would have still texted me or called or something, right?

I heard the bell ring and I hopped off the bed running to buzz James back up.

Thursday came and went in a blur. I was beginning to think I spent more time staring at my cell phone during the work day than at my computer screen. It was nearly ten at night and I was wide awake. What the fuckhappened? And then it clicked, hitting me like a ton of bricks. Of course.

He met someone else. His lunches, his dinners, his time at the studio... with someone new. My heart started racing and I tried thinking about something, anythingelse. Basketball, art, my beat up truck that was leaking oil all over the spot it sat in my dad's driveway back in Forks... but none of it helped. So instead I tried rationalizing myself out of it. And it was working except for the one argument I couldn't win: He was a cheater, he was engagedand no doubt telling Tanya he was in love with her so why couldn't he just as easily be doing the same to me?

And then my phone rang, and for the first time since I met him, I felt bile rising in my throat at the sight of his name on my caller ID. Edward.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, flipping it open trying to sound casual. "Hello?"

I heard movement in the background as he murmured sounding preoccupied, "Hey, Bella."

"Hey Edward."

"What's up? You called earlier?"

I pulled the phone from my ear and just stared at it. Really, I mean really? Nothing for almost a week and he sounds irritated that I made the effort to call him. I rolled my eyes and pressed the phone back to my ear. "Yeah, I hadn't heard from you since Sunday. I was... worried."

"Oh, sorry. I just got caught up with stuff."

"Right..." I said, biting my lip roughly. "So," I said taking a deep breath, "how have you been?"

"Fine, you?"

"Fine?" Fine, almost 5 days without me and he's fine but he goes not even 4 with me less than 2 weeks ago and he's miserable? Each word that came out of his mouth just confirmed my suspicions.

I heard a scraping sound like he had swiped his hand over the receiver as his voice shouted a bit muffled, "Just a sec!" I heard more shuffling and his voice was clear as his voice echoed through my ear. "Bella you there?"

I literally felt my heart drop into my stomach. "Y-yea, I'm here." Keep it together Bella, just get through this conversation, just fucking get through it.

"Listen, I'll be away for the weekend. Up to Vancouver, but I'll catch up with you next week?"

What? Away for the weekend? "So I won't see you at all this week?" I asked, my voice sounding far meeker than I had hoped it would.

There was a beat of silence before he spoke again, sounding a bit confused. "Baby, didn't I see you Tuesday?"

"...no. You saw me Sunday. I haven't seen you since Sunday."

"Oh, Shit. Sorry, Bells. Next week. I'll make it up to you next week, I promise."

Bells? Since when did he call me Bells? I bit the inside of my cheek before responding. "You know, don't worry about it. Have a good weekend." And before I could hear him call me Bells again or mistake our last meeting with the last time he saw one of his other girls, I hung up.

I did nothing for the next three days. I "worked" from home on Friday, which consisted of checking e-mails, not responding to them and going through half a bottle of vodka on an empty stomach before passing out until 3am. Saturday was much of the same, as was Sunday. Sunday was the hardest though, because of what the day meant to Edward and I. I refused to shower all of Sunday and had refrained from sleeping in my bed on Saturday night; a boycott against nudity and my comfy bed because Edward was a jackass. My mind reeled back to New York when we were in the bath and he asked me if there were any others.

He was asking me because he had a few and wanted to see if we were on the same page, that much was obvious. The more I thought about everything, the more it all clicked. His week with me in New York was a vacation, this weekend away was his new girl's trip.

On Monday I woke up on the couch, completely stiff. Fuck work today. I called Mike and lied, telling him I was bleeding like a stab wound victim and didn't want my menstrual cycle all over his office furniture. He laughed uncomfortably and told me to "rest up".

I stared at my phone a good portion of the morning in a complete daze. It was Monday, he was back. He hadn't called; who fucking cared if it was 9am? If he missed me at all he would have called.

But I missed him more than anything, so before I could back out of it I flipped through my contacts and hit "dial" on his name.

I heard him yawn into the phone, his voice thick with sleep as he answered. "Bella?"

"Edward..." I replied, realizing I had no idea what to say to him. I felt tingles race through my body at just saying his name and I couldn't think of what I wanted to say, or how.

"Baby, what's up? You okay?"

"Did you meet your new girlfriend when I was still in New York? Is it because you didn't think I'd come back?"

"What? Bella, what are you talking about?" He asked sounding completely taken aback.

"Just, now's not the time to lie to me Edward. You tell me you can't go a couple days without me not even a few weeks ago and then you turn around and go a full week without so much as a phone call. Just, I hope you're happier with her than with me."

Lie. I hope you're miserable you fucking asshole. How dare you take my heart and act like you have one to give in return. I hope she gives you herpes.

"Bella, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about but I can be where ever you are in ten minutes. Are you home?"

"Don't come over. I'm sure you have a lot of recuperating to do from your weekend away with your new girl."

He spoke quickly and I could hear him scurrying around his apartment sounding rushed. "No, Bella, I'm on my way. I'm getting in the car now. Just talk to me, okay?"

"No Edward. It's hypocritical of me to say, but I can't..." I bit my lip fighting back the tears, "I can't be with you if you have othergirlfriends." I finished my voice quivering.

"Baby, you know there's no one else. Stay where you are, I'm on my way." He pleaded, as I heard his engine rev up in the background.

"No Edward. I can't... I never thought..." I sniffled trying to keep the tears from spilling over. "I can't okay? I can handle what I got myself into... but I can't handle you... more girls. I just, can't." I said finally breaking down into sobs as I slammed my phone shut. I curled up on the recliner because it was more comforting than the stiff sofa and let my body shake uncontrollably with tears.

Nothing would ever hurt this much.