A/N: So… I came back… even after all of the outrage and surprise over the way I left things…

Just so you all know, I do love all of the reviews … I swear you all make me laugh my ass off sometimes … my favorite one this week had to be someone who said "Fuck me gently with a chain saw" or some such shit… this story is really attracting some crazy ass readers … and I LOVE you all!

A BIG welcome back to my Beta Extrordinaire D.T. …She totally made yjis chapter. I couldn't have gotten this one to where it is without her support! Thanks for making my shit sparkle! You Rock Chickie!

So I know that I shocked a few of you… and I beg you ALL to stick with me as I work this shit out … I know you all hate that bitch Tanya but all will be revealed soon…

On a much more personal level folks… real life has been kicking my ass lately. I have been working my ass off at my day job, pulling 60 hour weeks and coming home to feed and bath the kids before I crash, even forgoing my commitments to my FB group and all other "fun time" enjoyments, which seriously sucks ass, as I am sure you all can imagine. Please forgive me if my chappies are a few days late or a bit short. This is something I enjoy doing and as much as I want to keep to a certain length of chapter and get them to you on schedule, I have enough shit in my life that feels like work and I don't want this to become one of them. I like writing for each and every one of you, my loyal and seriously dirty minded readers, but even more than that, I like writing for me and I will continue to do that in a way that best pleases me. I hope you all understand.

So sorry for the long ass author's note… lets get down to business my lovelies…

Things I own: A serious caffeine addiction and a super comfy bed that I definitely don't spend enough time in…

Things I Don't: Twilight or the Lyrics to Fairytale by Sara Bareilles which is sung by Bella in this chapter … an awesome song if you haven't heard it before.

Chapter 11

BPOV

I spent the last two days doing nothing but obsessing over Edward. How he looked, how he smelled, how his voice sounded, how he felt. He was … everything. I couldn't get him out of my head.

Although I knew that I shouldn't want to lose myself in him, that he could hurt me badly if it didn't work out with him, I just couldn't help myself. Over the past 48 hours, I had gone over every second we had spent together in my head, in bed and out, multiple times and each time I ended up at the same conclusion.

I was in Love with Edward Cullen. Yes, love with a capital L.

This was big, and this was scary. I had never felt like this about a guy before. I had enjoyed men, dating, and sex in the past, but never had I wanted to lose myself in another person. This all encompassing, overwhelming urge to be with him all the time was utterly baffling to me.

Love made people do crazy shit. Love caused people to lie, cheat, steal and kill. I had spent the better part of my adult life watching my friends fall in love, be hurt, make up, fall out of love, and back in again and not necessarily in that order. All the things I had seen had led me to believe that I could do without it. But feeling it for the first time and knowing what it was, was indescribable. I could see why people did this over and over. The rush of adrenaline, the electricity of the moments, the sheer excitement, and even the simple comfort of being with the one you loved, was simply intoxicating.

That was how I found myself showered, dressed, and in my truck hours earlier than I had planned, to head over to see Edward. I still hadn't picked my songs for tonight, but had narrowed it down to four and was hoping for his opinion on which ones to choose. At least, that was why I told myself I was heading over early.

In reality, I was just too impatient to see him, kiss him, and have his arms around me.

If I could get there with all this God-damn traffic today. It had been stop and go for the last 20 minutes, and I was getting frustrated. I had always had the worst case of road rage out of everyone I knew. It was why Alice and Jake always drove on any road trip we took.

By the time I pulled off of the highway and onto Edward's street my jaw hurt from all the teeth clenching and my hands were sore from gripping the wheel so tight.

I forced myself to calm down as I turned into Edward's driveway, pulling up behind a small baby blue VW Jetta that was parked crookedly at the end of the drive, making it impossible for anyone else to park. Whoever parked this car had no consideration, at all. I frowned at the Jetta, hoping that whoever owned it was out of the house with Emmett. I had been looking forward to my afternoon alone with Edward.

I put my truck into park and hopped out, still trying to calm and focus myself; I didn't want to see Edward when I was pissed and less than my usual happy self.

I smoothed my sweaty palms down my dark washed skinny jeans and slicked on some gloss before grabbing my guitar case from the passenger seat and heading toward the open front door. I stopped suddenly when I heard voices, my heart in my throat. I could hear a female sobbing hysterically.

Huh. That nasally, whiny sobbing sounded kind of familiar.

"How could you say that? What did I ever do for you to speak to me like that, treat me that way?" The, as of yet, unseen wailer sobbed.

"Calm down, I'm not saying you're lying. You can't blame me for wanting to ask, Tanya. I'm not the only man you've been with, remember? And this is my life we're talking about here."

Edward. Tanya.

Fuck.

Sure enough, I stepped onto the porch to see Tanya standing in the foyer of Edward's home. Her arms were clutching at Edward's waist as she sobbed into his chest. His back was mostly to me, so he didn't see my approach.

"Please Edward, I love you. I know that we can do what is right here. We could be perfect, a perfect family," Tanya cried.

Just as he put his hands on her arms and stepped away from her, they saw me.

"Oh shit, Bella!" Edward said, startled.

I had no words. As he moved away from Tanya, the look of confusion on her face was replaced by one of recognition and spite.

"Bella? Your kid sister Alice's little friend Bella?" She asked, wiping her swollen eyes. Despite her damsel in distress appearance, her eyes filled with contempt as she glared at me in my obvious plainness. Her hands moved lower to cradle her stomach.

Her obviously large and swollen, pregnant stomach.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

It all made sense. The bits of conversation that I had just overheard, the hysterical sobbing and smug behavior from Tanya, Edward's stricken and sickened look.

Tanya was pregnant, and it was Edward's baby.

As I stood there, speechless, letting it all sink in, I noticed Edward step further away from Tanya, towards me, hesitantly, trying to move slowly, as if he thought I would freak out and run.

Which is exactly what I did.

Despite being outside, I suddenly felt claustrophobic. I needed to get the fuck out of there. I had to disappear, and fast. Turning, I ran down the steps towards my car. All I needed to do was get into my car and drive away. I knew his car was blocked in by Tanya's and he wouldn't be able to follow. Just a few more steps and I was free.

"Bella!" Edward was right behind me and his hand grasped my shoulder, tightly. "Please Bella, listen to me!"

I whirled to face him, tears finally welling in my eyes, threatening to spill. I trusted him, I fell in love with him, and it was over, already.

"What? What do you want Edward? To tell me it isn't what it looks like? That your ex-girl friend isn't standing on your front porch? That that isn't your baby she's carrying? Get fucking real, Edward. I heard your conversation. I'm not stupid."

I couldn't help the tears that were streaming quietly down my face while I waited for his response. I was mentally begging him to deny it, to explain away everything I had heard and seen, but he didn't.

He just stood there silently, looking defeated. He finally responded.

"Bella, I don't know what to say. I don't know how to answer that. I just don't know. She just showed up here, making claims. I don't know if they're true, but I have to find out. I need to." He dragged his hands through his hair and I saw a look on Edward's face that I never thought I'd see.

Fear.

Edward Cullen was scared shitless, and he wasn't even trying to hide it.

I wasn't sure how to handle this Edward, how to respond, but I knew how to protect myself. I knew it was selfish, but I did the only thing I could think of doing. I extricated myself from the situation. I spoke the words that would get me out of there and away from him so that I could think.

"I understand. I'm not expecting anything from you, your life is your own. I'm sorry if I freaked out a bit, I think I just need to go. I'm sorry, Edward," my voice was startlingly cool and collected.

As I spoke, Tanya had sauntered towards us with a disgustingly smug smile on her perfect face. When she reached out and put a thin, manicured hand on Edward's arm, my eyes narrowed. I wanted to grab her by her curly blond hair and shove her face into the hood of my truck, and she should thank her baby, because the fact that she was pregnant was the only thing that kept me from doing it. Edward flinched away from her and brushed her hand away.

Without a backwards glance, I got into my truck, shoved my guitar case back to the passenger side, and slowly backed out of the driveway. The look on his face as I drove away from him would forever be etched into my brain.

The next thing I knew, I was pulling up to Alice's office building. I didn't realize that I had made a conscious decision to go there. Hell, I didn't even remember the drive. I tried to think of what to say to her. This was her brother, and not only was this an awkward time for me to lean on her, but I knew that if I did, I would be spilling Edward's business. Business I wasn't sure he wanted his family to know yet. Best friend or no, I couldn't talk to Alice now and it hurt.

I did the only other thing I could think of. I called Jake.

I knew it would be tricky. His office was right next to Alice's and we had never kept anything from each other before. However in less than 5 minutes, he had agreed to come down and drive me home, telling Alice god knows what, in order to get her to take his keys and drive his car home, without asking too many questions.

He opened the driver side door to my truck and helped me over to the passenger side, setting me down and clipping my seat belt into place before getting in behind the wheel. Without a word, he put it into drive, heading toward parts unknown.

It was a long-standing tradition of ours to not ask questions until the injured or heartbroken party was settled comfortably with an extremely potent drink, and Jake knew just where to go.

We ended up at our favorite bar, New Moon. We loved the place because of the dark, quiet booths and unobtrusive wait staff. They served your drinks and stayed away so you could get drunk and wallow in your misery. In short, the place was perfect.

We were seated immediately and Jake ordered a pitcher of strawberry margaritas as the hostess walked away, leaving us to the dim silence of our booth. I sat with my head in my hands, staring at the wooden table top, not really seeing it.

The pitcher arrived and Jake poured me a large glass, leaving his glass empty as he moved from the seat opposite me to sit next to me, placing his arm around my shoulder.

I pushed my full glass toward him. I then stuck another straw directly into the pitcher and sipped.

Jake sat there silently, as I drank from the pitcher of margaritas, and watched my face.

"Drink." I commanded, shakily.

He picked up the glass and took a long pull.

"Bells, what happened?"

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, not sure where to start or what to say.

"Edward."

"So I gathered, babes. What happened with Edward? Did you go to his house today?"

My throat tightened and I could feel the tears returning to my eyes, "Yes, I went. When I got there, I heard all this crying, and then there was Tanya, and she-" I was sobbing uncontrollably now, "she was...she was...oh God, Jake, she's pregnant!"

I let my head fall onto the table with a thud and balled. Jake just sat there and rubbed my back until the crying slowed, and then handed me a handkerchief. Only Jake would still carry one of those things.

He didn't ask any more questions, but let me tell the story in my own time. When I was finished he raised his hand, gesturing to the waitress, and ordered another pitcher.

"Well Bells, I'd say an afternoon like that calls for more booze, don't you?"

"Jake, I don't know what to do. I think I love him."

"Bella, you do more than think, you definitely look like you are a woman in love, and hurting because of it. You know, Alice and I totally saw this coming. You know, the Bella and Edward in love part, not the surprise baby-mama shit."

I couldn't help it, I smiled a little at his words. Jake always knew how to make me feel better.

"What am I supposed to do now? How do I fix this? How do I fall out of love with him?" I sniffed and wiped the evidence of my tears from my cheeks.

"Is that what you really want? To forget that you love him? To give up what could be the love of your life?"

"Yes. No. I don't know Jake. I don't really know what I want. I never expected any of this. I was supposed to be focusing on my music and my dreams of a singing career. Edward just happened."

"So do that. Focus on your singing. You have an open mic night tonight, don't you? Use this. Use this emotion and put the energy into your performance."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"Sure you can Bella. You are strong, the strongest person I know. You can and will get past this. You will gather all of this emotion, pick a kick ass song and get out there and sing it, loud and proud, and blow everyone away. You owe it to yourself not to let any of this stop you from achieving your dream." he smirked and snorted. "I sound like a fucking Lifetime movie or some shitty after school special. Listen bitch. We are getting up, putting down the pitcher of booze, dressing you up in your sexiest dress and going to that open mic night. You are going to get up there and sing and you're going to be amazing, you hear me?"

I nodded, submissively.

Jake was quiet for a moment and when he spoke his voice was soft, "did he give you any indication that he still cared about this Tanya?"

I shrugged, not really seeing where he was going with this.

"I've seen how he looks at you Bells, and Alice told me that she can tell how much he loves you. So maybe it is his baby...so what?"

"What are you talking about, Jake?"

He rolled his eyes, frustrated with my slow understanding, "if you love Edward and he loves you, you need to fight back and take what's yours! Beat this bitch at her own game!" He laughed and slapped his knee.

I smiled a little and shook my head at him, "whatever, Jake." The idea that the beautiful, talented, perfect Edward Cullen could be in love with me seemed a little absurd, he could have any woman he wanted. However Jake's words did make a bit of an impact on me and I was suddenly considering ways to beat Tanya "at her own game" as Jake had so eloquently put it.

Three hours later I was showered, dressed and made up within an inch of my life by an oddly quiet and unquestioning Alice. The two of them shoved me toward Jake's car, telling me that Emmett, Rose, and Jasper would be meeting us there. I wondered idly if Emmett had gone home before heading out to watch my performance, and had seen Tanya there with Edward. I knew I would never ask. I didn't really want to hear the

answer.

I wasn't sure how much Alice knew, but I was sure that she had some idea of what was going down, because Edward wasn't mentioned the entire time she got me ready or drove to the club.

As we walked in, I still wasn't sure that I wanted to do this. I knew in my heart that I wanted to sing, but I wasn't sure I could do this tonight. It felt like it was too soon. And I missed Edward. I missed his arm around me, guiding me to my seat. I knew I would miss looking out into the audience and seeing him watching me, with that indescribable look on his face. I knew that I wanted him to stand up and kiss me as I walked back to the table, like he did last time. I still wanted him and that was upsetting, and damn it, it made me mad as well. I should have been able to school my emotions; I had never let a guy get in the way of my music and my dreams before, and I couldn't start that shit now.

Everyone seemed to sense something was up and walked on egg shells, which essentially served to make me even more angry. Who the hell was Edward Cullen to make me cry and make my friends pity me?

Fuck that.

I took a breath and squared my shoulders, "Listen bitches. I'm only going to say this once. I don't want to have you all moping and acting like someone died. I don't want your pity. I'll figure this shit out in my own time and until then, it's status quo, assholes. Got that?"

Everyone looked at each other and nodded, unable to speak. I could tell that they knew I was serious because Emmett didn't even crack a smile, much less laugh, as I knew he usually did when he heard me swear.

Just then, my name was called and I made my way up front. A group was just finishing up and removing their stuff from the stage area and I stopped the keyboardist to ask if I could use his instrument for my song, knowing it would sound better than my guitar for this particular song. He agreed and left it for me.

I sat and controlled my features, stretching my hands and fingers before I began to play. My voice was strong and sure, laced with a hint do anger and yes, even a bit of sarcasm as I sang the words that seem to fit my situation so well.

Cinderella's on her bedroom floor

She's got a

Crush on the guy at the liquor store

Cause Mr. Charming don't come home anymore

And she forgets why she came here

Sleeping Beauty's in a foul mood

For shame she says

None for you dear prince, I'm tired today

I'd rather sleep my whole life away than have you keep me from dreaming

Cause i don't care for you fairytales

You're so worried bout the maiden though you know

She's only waiting on the next best thing

Snow White is doing dishes again cause

What else can you do

With seven itty-bitty men?

Sends them to bed and calls up a friend

Says will you meet me at midnight?

The tall blonde lets out a cry of despair says

Would have cut it myself if i knew men could climb hair

I'll have to find another tower somewhere and keep away from the windows

Cause i don't care for you fairytales

You're so worried bout the maiden though you know

She's only waiting on the next best thing

Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom

Man made up a story said that i should believe him

Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight

But i don't want the next best thing

So i sing and hold my head down and i break these walls round me

Can't take no more of your fairytale love

Cause i don't care for you fairytales

You're so worried bout the maiden though you know

She's only waiting on the next best thing

I don't care

I don't care

Worry bout the maiden though you know

She's only waiting spent the whole life being graded on the sanctity of patience and a dumb

Appreciation

But the story needs some mending and a better happy ending

Cause i don't want the next best thing

No no i don't want the next best thing

I finished my song, not even waiting for the applause to settle before I made my way back to the table. I picked up Jasper's ever present glass of scotch and downed it in one gulp, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

Out of nowhere, the hair on the back of my neck prickled, making me feel slightly uneasy. I looked around for the source of my discomfort and when my gaze swept the bar, I saw him. And without my permission, my stupid heart fluttered.

He came.

Standing by the bar, beer in hand, was Edward, looking, not surprisingly, much more worse for wear than I did. He looked exhausted and his face was drawn and much more haggard looking than it had been only a few hours before. As I watched, he scrubbed his face and the back of his neck with his free hand.

He was staring at me and he looked like he wanted to come over, to stay something, but was unsure of how he would be received, and rightly so. Although I wasn't ready to talk to him yet, my traitor heart began to thump unevenly, as it always did in his presence, and I instinctively wanted to go to him and take the pain from his eyes.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, breaking through my thoughts.

"Isabella Swan?"

I turned to find a tall blond man looking at me expectantly, his hair pulled back into a pony tail. He was dressed in an expensive looking tailored suit, the kind that would make Alice proud. Standing next to him was an even taller red head that I quickly recognized as one of the cougars from Havana that had been hitting on Carmen's son.

"Yes?"

He extended his hand to me, "hi, I'm James Westinghouse and this is my associate Victoria. We're from Breaking Dawn records. Victoria has had the opportunity to catch a few of your performances, and I would love to set up a meeting to hear more and talk to you about possibly signing a one year contract with us. What do you say?"

A/N:

Bet you didn't see that shit coming did you? So what did you think? Be honest…. Leave me some review love or hate …. Which ever floats your boat…

I know this was another shorter chapter and I am totally hoping to make up for it with the next chapter and I hope that you could take a few minutes to leave me some encouragement and inspiration to keep this going…

Until next time my lovelies...