I normally don't like putting a note at the beginning of a chapter because I like to get down to the goods as much as the next gal. But I absolutely had to this time to give a big THANK YOU to my new beta, Stratan! For any of you who have wondered if I get paid by the comma, he's setting me straight. So many hugs and mad props, I'm super-excited about this collaboration!

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Nine

When I awoke sometime later, Edward was still next to me, but I now lay flat on my back and he was stretched out on his side, his head propped up on one hand and the other rested gently on my stomach. He smiled when he saw me slowly blinking awake.

"How was your nap?"

I yawned widely. "Wonderful, I feel great. How long was I out?"

"Just under an hour and a half. Emmett and Rosalie arrived right after you fell asleep."

"Oh… you didn't have to stay up here, then. You could have gone and spent time with them."

"Believe me, I much preferred staying up here with you. There was… drama when Alice slipped about me changing you."

"What kind of drama?" I inquired curiously.

"Emmett was thrilled, Rosalie was not."

I raised my eyebrows, surprised. I remembered Emmett from school because it was impossible not to… he was absolutely enormous, thickly wrapped with muscle. The intimidation of his size was belied only by his deep dimples and constant grin. Rosalie, on the other hand, had appeared to be the very stereotype of an ice queen: blonde, beautiful, unapproachable, and utterly unimpressed by everyone and everything at Forks High. "So, what happened?"

Edward sighed and began rubbing his hand back and forth on my stomach. "Well, they knew you were here right away by the scent, of course. Emmett made a joke about me finally getting you into my bed, and Alice took the opportunity to share everything up to this point. Rosalie had a temper tantrum."

I frowned, mildly irritated. I didn't know Rosalie at all and had never exchanged a single word with her. "Why doesn't she like me?"

He raked a hand through his tousled hair. "It's not that she doesn't like you, love. You remember what I told you about how our personalities are generally frozen at the time of our change? Rosalie was changed immediately after a horrifyingly traumatic event, and her confusion, bitterness, and distrust of strangers is still very much a part of her character. On top of all that, she was something of a spoiled brat in life."

"Charming," I muttered.

"She's prickly, but she grows on you after a few decades. Anyway, in addition to you being a virtual stranger to her, she is very opposed to the idea of you being changed into a vampire, nothing more. It's nothing personal."

"It's personal if it's causing drama in the Cullen household," I objected, sitting up slowly.

"She'll come around eventually."

Irritation flared in me again. "I don't really have any interest in waiting for her to 'come around,' Edward. I haven't done anything to her and I'm not going to tiptoe around, waiting for her to decide if she likes me or not. Whether I'm changed or not is not up for debate, and definitely not dependent on her approval."

"You're grumpy when you first wake up," he observed mildly.

"Only when I wake up to hear my future sister-in-law had a 'temper tantrum' over my very presence."

Edward took a deep breath and stood, reaching out a hand to help me up. "Emmett can't wait to say hello, if it's any consolation."

I ran my hands through my hair and then stretched. "Let me run and use the bathroom, then I'll meet you downstairs?"

"All right, love." He pecked a kiss on my cheek and left the bedroom as I headed into the attached bathroom. Luckily my light makeup hadn't budged during my nap, and my hair hadn't suffered too badly either. Of course, next to the golden goddess that was Rosalie, how I looked was a non-issue.

I descended the staircase into the enormous living room to find Jasper and Emmett furiously engaged in a video game, Edward sprawled nearby on a chair, and Esme sitting quietly, watching her sons. I thought she looked a little sad.

"Hi Emmett," I offered tentatively, not sure if he would respond the same way as the Quileute guys when someone interrupted one of their video games. In a blur of motion too fast for me to track, Emmett flipped his controller at Edward, who snatched it in mid-air and continued the game without pause. Emmett crossed the floor to me in three huge strides and threw his big arms around me, lifting me up and swinging me around. My head was thrown back by the centrifugal force alone.

"Hey little sis! Do you know how long we've had to wait to call you that? Man, we had to wait forever for you. Good to know Eddie finally grew a pair." He set me back on the floor and wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me over to the couch. "So give us the scoop, Bella. Is my little bro keeping the human satisfied?"

"Shut up, Emmett," Edward replied crossly, but Jasper smirked at me, apparently picking up on my emotions better than Edward at the moment.

"Well sure, Emmett, what do you want to know?"

He looked surprised for a moment, and then grinned mischievously, evidently not expecting my calm response. "Does he leave you with a big smile on your face every night?"

"Emmett!" Esme hissed.

"Yep, a smile this big." I held my palms about eight inches apart, then moved them further away from each other. "Hmm, actually, more like this big."

Emmett's eyes literally almost bulged out of his head and Jasper burst out laughing. Edward shook his head, suppressing a smirk, while Esme murmured something and made a hasty exit.

"Have you guys wrecked any houses yet?" Emmett was on a mission for the dirty details, evidently.

"Of course," I scoffed. "Well, I'm in an apartment so we have neighbors and a security deposit to worry about, but I guess he didn't have time to fill you in on the busted glass door incident."

Emmett chortled in delight. "I had no idea you were going to be this much fun, Bella. Edward's always had such a stick up his butt, he won't tell me anything."

"Please, Emmett. I lived on the rez with a teenage boy and his disgusting, dirty-minded teenage friends for six months. It takes a lot to shock me. But before you start the inquisition, my sex life is none of your damn business, and I can dish it out just as well as I can take it, got it?"

Emmett was now staring at me as though he'd come face-to-face with the reincarnation of Elvis himself. "And to think, all that time we had no idea you were such a badass, Bella. As a human, no less. So uh, when is Eddie changing you?"

"In a couple of months, and then from what I understand I'll be able to beat your ass. Keep that in mind."

"Bring it on," he replied airily. "I'm holding you to that challenge, deal?" He held out one enormous paw and I stuck my own tiny hand in his, shaking it firmly.

"So now that I've, ahem, re-made your acquaintance, Emmett, where is your wife?"

Emmett reached over to snatch his game controller back from Edward. "She's out in the garage, but you might want to give her a little time."

"What's she doing?"

"Rebuilding the engine in your truck, I think."

"Already?" I lifted my eyebrows. "She can't be that mad at me, then." I turned to head out the back but Edward was beside me in a flash.

"Love, why don't you wait just a while…"

I smiled at him. "She's already working on my truck. She can't be that pissed at me or she'd be rolling it up into little balls of scrap metal instead."

"True!" Emmett agreed from the couch. Edward frowned.

"Edward, what is the worst she's going to do to me? Yell at me? Ignore me? I don't think she's going to snap my neck or punt me across the river. Just let me go and do this on my own, okay? It sounds like she's already off on the wrong foot about me, and I'm the only one that gets to try and fix that." I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. "Besides, you can come rescue me if she does try to punt me across the river, okay?"

He sighed. "You're too independent for your own good, you know that?"

"I know, that's what you love about me!" I blew him another kiss before I turned, grabbed my coat, and made my way out the back of the house, towards the garage. Loud metallic banging noises were coming from within, and for a moment my steps faltered before I tipped my chin up and went inside.

Clad in a pair of filthy mechanic's overalls, golden hair tied back, and smudges of grime on her porcelain face, Rosalie was still breathtakingly gorgeous. She was indeed rummaging around under the hood of my truck, pulling out and examining various parts before tossing them into one pile or another. She ignored my entrance.

"Hi Rosalie." I didn't bother trying to sound overly confident and she turned slowly to me. "I don't know if you remember me from school, but I'm Bella Swan. We've never officially met."

She quirked a perfect eyebrow. "How very mannerly of you, Bella. I know who you are." She stuck out one grease-covered hand.

I took it without hesitation and she squeezed it hard, and then let it drop before turning back to my disemboweled truck. Jacob's main hobby had been rebuilding cars. I was very comfortable in a garage and knew exactly when to be helpful and when to stay the hell out of the way. I had a feeling that now was a time to stay the hell out of the way, so I grabbed a clean rag from a stack on the workbench and sat down on a low wooden crate a few feet distant, scrubbing at my hand.

"Thank you for working on my truck, I really appreciate it. I think Edward would like to have an excuse to junk it and get me something new, but I'm pretty attached to it."

She snorted. "Somehow I'm not surprised. For someone who loves cars as much as he does, he doesn't have an appreciation for the classics."

I wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my chin on them. "Well, plus my dad bought it for me. It was my welcome-to-Forks present when I moved here to live with him. So it's got sentimental value too."

Rosalie pulled another rusted part from under the hood and eyed it in disgust before tossing it into what I assumed was the reject pile. "Who the hell was doing your maintenance for you?"

"My friend Jacob. But he hasn't seen it for months."

She grunted. "I think I'm just going to start from scratch under the hood, if it's okay with you. There are a few original parts I can salvage, but not many."

"Whatever you think is best. Where did you learn all this, anyway?"

She threw a brief look at me back over her shoulder. "Self-taught for the most part, but I've worked with people here and there that shared a lot with me. I like to tinker and I was interested in cars even back when I was human. Not that I got to play around with them then, but I enjoy it now. You can tear a car to pieces, down to the frame, put it back together, and it works. That's more than you can say for humans."

There was an underlying meaning to her comment and I knew it, but I let it go. "Have you ever taken apart one of your brother's cars for being a jerk?"

An unexpected snort of laughter came from under the hood of the truck. "Did Edward tell you about that?"

I laughed too. "No, just a lucky guess. Seems like a good prank to pull, though."

"Oh yeah," she turned to face me as she chucked another part onto the pile, a sly grin on her face. "I did it as a favor for Emmett really. Edward pissed him off about something. It was back in the eighties, Edward had a DeLorean DMC-12…"

"A DeLorean? Like, the 'Back to the Future' car?"

"Yeah, I know, it was pathetic. Well, they were novelty cars even back then, so of course Edward had to have one. Anyway, I dismantled it one night. It didn't take very long since those things are all just panels on the outside anyway. I left it in a neat pile in his parking spot in the garage. It was pretty hilarious. Now 'Back to the Future' is the only movie Edward won't have in the house, it pisses him off to be reminded of it."

I couldn't help it, I doubled over giggling, wondering what his reaction would be if I brought it up. "Remind me not to get on your bad side, Rosalie."

"Yeah, well…" The moment was over too soon and silence descended over us again. I settled down more securely on the wooden crate, content for the moment to just be quiet. Being in a working garage again made me ache for Jake sharply. I suddenly missed sitting in the modified garage he'd cobbled together behind their little shoebox house, listening to the rain patter against the sheet metal roof, drinking warm soda and just enjoying the easy comfort of our friendship. How simple and uncomplicated life had been there; it was no wonder I'd wrapped myself up in the Quileutes' companionship. It was easy to escape from the pain of missing Charlie there, whereas there were always sympathetic glances and pats wherever I went into Forks. Passing hours doing homework while Jake tinkered with whatever engine he'd dragged out of a junkyard was a safer cocoon than the real world.

Rosalie huffed as she finished her demolition work under the hood, scrubbed her hands on a rag tucked into her bib pocket, and then peered into the cab. "Anything you want replaced in there? Edward wants me to put in airbags and better seatbelts."

"And ruin the last bit of character it has left? No thanks. It's not like it goes fast enough to need airbags if I'm ever in an accident."

"You're not a vampire yet, Bella," she said acidly. "Don't get cocky about being indestructible."

There it was, the gauntlet was thrown, and I was determined to face it head-on, but to keep my temper in check. Something told me that a fight with Rosalie wasn't going to get either of us anywhere.

"So do you want to tell me exactly what it is about that particular topic you're mad about?"

She turned to me slowly, warily, her golden eyes narrowed only slightly. I had the feeling she was trying to keep her temper under control too. "It's nothing against you personally, Bella. I know you make Edward very happy. I know you two are in love, and believe it or not, that makes me happy. I love my family very much. I may come off as a total bitch all the time, but I really do care about them."

"Okay." I decided to just let her talk and get it out of her system.

"But you don't want this life. You don't have any idea what it's like. It isn't a life. You have everything in front of you now, a whole wide world waiting for you, and you're choosing to die? Why in the hell would you want that?"

"I guess I have two questions for you, Rosalie. The first: do you consider yourself as dead?"

"That's a stupid question," she snapped. "Of course I'm dead."

"That's not what I mean. Do you think of yourself as dead? A corpse stumbling mindlessly around? Can't you think of yourself as a different kind of being instead? Are you telling me that a dead thing can love? Or can rebuild cars?"

This time her golden eyes did narrow at me. "Are we splitting hairs on technicalities?"

"No, and I didn't come out here to fight with you. I'm just trying to make you understand… I know I'm going to die, in the clinical sense of the word, but I'm doing it willingly to go on to something else. Some people think there's a spirit world after you leave this one, some people think we're reincarnated as other creatures. Can't you think of being a vampire as just another plane of being? As another creature walking this earth?"

"I can understand what you're trying to say, yes."

"But you don't agree."

"Of course I don't," she spat. "Do you know what you're giving up to become this 'otherworldly being,' or whatever it is you've convinced yourself of?"

"You tell me," I said quietly, recognizing now that she was talking about herself, not me.

"Where do you want me to start? A family, for one! A normal family, with a living husband and children and grandchildren! Friends and family that age with you and experience the joy of your life with you! Not having to fake and lie all the time; pretending to be something you're not! Sleeping, Jesus Christ what I wouldn't give to be able to sleep again. And to just be normal instead of some undead freak…" With that she flung the socket wrench in her hand so hard that it actually stuck into the garage wall for a moment before clanging to the concrete floor. At least she hadn't thrown it at me.

"Are you that unhappy, Rosalie?"

"You're missing the point. I'm already here. I'm in this life. I don't have a choice. I try to make the best of it I can. I was fortunate enough to meet Emmett, and if I didn't have him, I'd have gone insane a long time ago. But you have a choice, Bella! Don't choose this!"

"Okay, well let me ask you a total of three questions, then, with this being number two now. Why are you so concerned about me? Not to say I don't appreciate it, but why do you care?"

She glared at me. "I told you, it's nothing personal. I'd say the same thing to anyone sitting in your place."

"Gee, thanks," I muttered sarcastically, before reminding myself of my resolution to not lose my temper. "Okay fine, question number three, then. You said I have everything in front of me, a whole life to live, as a human, but there is no life for me without Edward. You can't tell me that you could imagine losing Emmett now, and you just said you'd have gone insane a long time ago if you hadn't found him. Do you understand that I feel the same way about Edward?"

She exhaled slowly, through her teeth. "Of course. But you don't have to be changed to also have him. You could have the best of both worlds."

And there it was. Suddenly I realized, although I recognized that verbalizing it aloud would be a very bad idea, that Rosalie was jealous. I could have the two worlds she longed for so desperately: one with the love of her life, and one with the joys of humanity.

"There isn't anything in the human world I want badly enough to stay in it, Rose." For the first time, I used the affectionate nickname of her family, but she didn't flinch. "My father is dead, my mother is still alive but off in her own little world without me. I'm apparently not allowed to associate with the people who were once my best friends. What exactly should I stick around here for, for lack of a better term?"

Her rigid stance didn't relax for an instant, but the briefest flash of pain went through her eyes. "What about children?"

I steeled myself. This was a sore point with me, one that Renee and even some of the well-meaning Quileute mothers had jammed down my throat until I was almost hostile about the whole subject. "I don't want to have children, Rosalie. I never have."

She blinked slowly, disbelief clear on her perfect features. "How could you not want children?"

I shrugged, tamping down the irritation that was my automatic response to the topic. "Either you want them or you don't. I don't. I never have. I don't want to be pregnant, I don't want anything to do with the whole thing."

"You're too young to know what you really want," she said coldly.

"Are you saying I should go ahead and have them, only to find out I was right all along?"

"No, but it would be different when you finally had your own baby in your arms." Her lips trembled the tiniest bit, longing plain on her face now. "You don't know what it's like until you experience that."

"Neither do you," I replied quietly.

She flinched as if I had slapped her. "At least you still have the option."

"Rosalie, I don't want the option. I hear what you're saying, but you have to understand… I'm not you. Not being able to have children would not be a loss for me!"

Anger was growing in her face and part of me realized that it was like a conversation with a friend who'd just been informed she could never have the children she so desperately wanted. There was nothing I would ever be able to say that would make her understand that I was perfectly fine with the idea of never being able to bear a child of my own. Somewhere, far down deep inside of me, I was actually relieved at the idea that being a vampire meant I wouldn't even have to worry about the possibility.

"How can you be so… casual about it? You don't know! You don't know what it's like to want something so badly, and to know you can't have it. And not because it's your fault, but because of something out of your control! You sit there with all the options in the world open to you and you want to throw it away? And then you have the nerve to tell me that you don't want those options?" She was trembling with fury at this point, and I briefly hoped that somewhere Alice was psychically eavesdropping on this conversation and would send someone in to intervene before Rosalie did throw a socket wrench through my skull.

"You don't know what it's like for me, Rose. You don't know what it's like to not want something, and to be relieved that you have the option of eliminating the fear and worry and dread about it. I'm not you! I don't want what you want! I've thought about it for the whole big week that I've been with your brother, and the more I think about it, the more I realize this is the only life for me! You can tell yourself that I'm young and naïve and that I don't know what I want… but I do! And just because it's not the same as what you want doesn't make it wrong!"

There was another long silence before Rosalie's hand contracted involuntarily against the driver's side door of my truck, the squeal of protesting metal leaving a sizeable dent. She shut her eyes and went still except for the trembling that still ran through her, and I decided at that point to keep my mouth shut and wait.

"I don't understand you," she said finally, quietly, ice still in her voice.

"That's okay, because I don't understand you either. We can agree to disagree."

Her beautiful eyes opened slowly, focusing hard on me. "I will never be okay with your decision, you have to know that."

"That's okay, I wasn't planning on asking you to be."

She turned and looked at the hand-sized dent in the truck's door and hissed out a long sigh. "I'll fix that too."

I laughed nervously. "It gives it character."

Rosalie's jaw clenched and unclenched, a subtle nervous reaction that took me by surprise. "Bella...what I said earlier, about it not being personal… it's not. I don't want you to think it's you I object to. Even though Emmett and I haven't been around for the past year, I saw some of what Edward was going through, fighting himself to become the man he needed to be for you. So even though I have nothing against you personally, I don't want you to think that I don't appreciate you otherwise, and what you've done for Edward. He's a pain in my ass most of the time, but he's my brother and I love him."

I chose silence again, sensing that Rosalie responded better to quiet encouragement rather than babbling reassurances.

"I know that you're going to be my sister, that you're going to be a member of my family soon. And… I'm glad for that. There's just so much, so much history that makes me who I am, and I can't change that to make your transition easier. Can you understand that?"

"Yes."

"I'm not always the easiest person to talk to." Her words were coming painfully now, and I could see the effort she was making to force them out. "I'm never going to be like Alice or Esme. I'm just me. I'm always going to be, for better and for worse, and I can't pretend to be otherwise. I'm not going to pretend I like the idea of Edward changing you, and I can't pretend to understand your preferences when they're just so…" She stopped and struggled for a moment, "Completely contrary to everything I believe. I won't lie to you and say you and I will be the best of friends all the time. But I accept you, and although that may not sound like much, it's all I can give you, and it's a lot for me."

I clamped my lips together hard, thinking carefully before speaking again. I didn't want to thank her, because I knew it wasn't what she wanted. I didn't want to express hope that she'd change her mind, because I knew she wouldn't and I also knew firsthand how infuriating it was to have others hope you'd change your mind, when you knew you wouldn't. Instead, I opted for the safest, most neutral peace offering I could think of.

"Can I tell you why I'll probably be out here a lot, hanging out while you're working on my truck?"

She shook her head a little in surprise, the reaction remarkably human. "Sure."

"It reminds me of…a happy time. It will remind me of being human when I'm not. Part of my life that kept me sane when I probably should have gone bonkers. Is that okay?"

She finally smiled again, just a tiny quirking of her lips, but it was enough. "Are you telling me this how we'll do our girl-bonding?"

I coughed out the driest of laughs. "Yeah, I guess it will."

***

I stayed out in the garage with Rosalie for another hour, watching as she sifted through the piles of rejected and potential engine pieces, grumbling to herself about replacement parts and suppliers, then falling completely silent as she began a minute inspection of the parts she hoped to salvage. I made a mental note to bring my journal out next time I planned to hang out with her, maybe along with a more comfortable camp chair. My butt was numb by the time Edward came into the garage and asked me to come inside for a late lunch. I was surprised at the time, because I wasn't even remotely hungry.

After I'd eaten, Edward led me back into the living room where I was surprised to find all of the Cullens assembled. Alice had returned from a mysterious shopping trip into Port Angeles and Rosalie had cleaned off all the residual garage grime, looking even more like a goddess than before, dressed in white from head to toe. Each of the family members sat close to their mate, and Edward pulled me possessively into the hard curve of his body on the couch. Esme and Carlisle sat in adjoining chairs, their hands linked, and Carlisle smiled reassuringly at me before he spoke.

"Bella, I hope you don't feel that this impromptu family meeting was sprung on you, but I felt that as all our family is together now, that it would be beneficial for us to sit down and discuss what the upcoming months will bring for us.

"First, it goes without saying that we knew our time in Forks was coming to a close. Edward and Alice have confirmed that people are beginning to wonder about us more than is safe, and as always, it's best if we are preemptive on this front. We've done this a number of times before and Edward has already begun preparing our next move. What is new this time, however, is that we will be moving with a new family member. Bella will be accompanying us when we move this time, and will be joining our family permanently as well, probably just before Christmas. Edward has already begun some of the more basic preparations of our move, but I wanted to ask first if all of us will be moving together this time?"

Alice and Jasper nodded simultaneously. Rosalie responded with a flat "Yes," and Emmett startled me by booming an enthusiastic "Hell yeah!"

"All right," Carlisle continued smoothly, ignoring Emmett's exuberance. "Our next step was to determine exactly where we should go. Initially we thought that Ithaca, New York, would be an excellent option for a myriad of reasons, but so far we've been unable to locate a home which meets our specifications. We'll continue to look there, but Esme suggested that we consider our home in Alaska as an alternative. It's been nearly thirty years since we last lived there, and with its seclusion, it's unlikely anyone will recognize or remember us. We also think it prudent that our next home be in a more isolated area, to assist in Bella's acclimation to our way of life." Carlisle spoke so smoothly, so practically, I was surprised that I wasn't embarrassed to find myself at the center of such an important conversation.

"As always, this decision is open to discussion. Does anyone have any objections to making the house in Alaska our next home?"

The silence was the answer in the room, and Carlisle's golden eyes turned to me. "Bella?"

I thought back to my conversation with Edward about Alaska from less than a week ago, and how I'd been concerned about the cold. It was inconsequential now. "Alaska sounds fine, if that's what you think would be best." I was surprised at how steady my voice came out, and Edward squeezed me tightly.

"You and I will go to Ithaca together, someday," he promised, his voice the softest of whispers in my ear. "House in the woods, Cornell, I won't forget that."

I turned to kiss his cheek and then curved my body more tightly against his. New York or Alaska, I genuinely didn't care. His arms around me and his lips against my ear were all the promise for the future I needed.

"When is your last final in school, Bella?" queried Esme's gentle voice.

"Um, the third Thursday in December. The 18th, I think?"

"The timing seems perfect, then," Carlisle said thoughtfully. "You can finish your first semester of college and be able to continue uninterrupted online if you like. We'll go ahead and begin the necessary preparations for the house and for our time there. With the isolation, no one will be expecting us to maintain a human façade so you will all be free to do as you like there. I'll give notice at the hospital that the third week of December will be my last, but you are all free to begin transitioning there whenever you like. Esme, Edward, Bella, and I will probably be the last to leave Forks. Does anyone have any questions or concerns they'd like to share?"

Again there was silence, and although Rosalie's face had grown progressively stonier throughout the conversation, she said nothing.

"In that case, thank you for your time. I think we can consider this family meeting adjourned." Carlisle smiled to lighten his words, and then turned to Edward. "May I speak with you for a moment?"

Alice and Jasper joined hands and quickly left the room, darting up the staircase. Rosalie wasn't far behind them with Emmett trailing on her heels. Esme came over to me and lightly kissed my head before she too flew up the staircase.

"Bella, you are more than welcome to stay for this conversation, although I will completely understand if you would prefer not to. I want to discuss with Edward the medical preparations we can take to alleviate the stress of your change." He made it sound so routine, so clinical.

"So…we're going to talk about how to ease my death?"

Edward arm tightened around me but Carlisle didn't flinch. "Yes, essentially."

"In that case, I'd like to stay for the conversation. I think I should have some input into that one."

I shifted closer to Edward, settling my shoulder under his arm and resting my head back against him as he and Carlisle began an intensely clinical discussion, most of which went completely over my head, although I tried to follow along. At first they focused primarily on the efficacy of various painkillers, and then rejected those based on the fact that neither of them was precisely sure when the spread of the venom in my body would outweigh the effects of the drugs, or if any of them were even strong enough to provide any relief. Finally Carlisle suggested the possibility of a medically-induced coma, a proposition which Edward considered and then agreed with as the best course of action. They both turned to me.

"What do you think, love?"

I half-laughed. "Are you serious? I didn't understand anything you two were talking about."

Edward's eyes reflected his unhappiness as his fingers gently looped a strand of hair back behind my ear. "Neither of us believes that a regular painkiller, even in large doses, would help with the pain as much as a deep sedation in the form of a temporary coma. Carlisle and I would monitor you the entire time, of course. At some point the effects of the venom will counteract the barbiturates we would use, but hopefully by then the change will mostly be over."

"So you're hoping I would sleep through most of it?"

"Essentially, yes."

"I can't disagree with that, but what if something goes wrong?"

This time it was Carlisle that answered me, his voice calm and professional. "I will not lie to you, Bella. Not everyone survives the physical stress of the change itself." He ignored the warning growl that rumbled up suddenly from Edward's chest. "In almost every single one of those cases though, there has been an unforeseen complication or previous irreparable damage that prevented the body from surviving long enough to allow the change to continue to its end. When I made the decision to change Esme, I genuinely was unsure if her body would be able to hold on long enough, but it somehow did. Now, however, we have ways of medically keeping your body functioning long enough to allow the change to run its course."

"Life support," I stated flatly.

"Yes. I promise you Bella, there are no other complications that I can conceive of that would prevent this from proceeding as normally as possible."

"I trust you both. Whatever you think would be the…least traumatic… will get my vote in the end."

"Your courage is to be admired, Bella," Carlisle said quietly. "It's a rare person who can discuss and decide upon the end of their life as clearly as you."

"I'm not thinking of it that way," I replied quickly. "I'll be waking up at the end of it all."

"Yes," he agreed, and then stood. "If we are all three in agreement, then I will begin procuring the needed equipment and have it shipped directly to the Alaska home. We will be prepared for the process whenever you are, Bella." He rested a gentle hand on my shoulder for the briefest of moments before turning and striding from the room. I twisted against Edward until I was lying back on the couch, my head in his lap, looking up at his beautiful face. He looked more tired than I had ever seen him, if such a thing were possible for a vampire.

"Are you okay?" I whispered, reaching a tentative finger up to touch the shadows under his eyes. Had I not known otherwise, I wouldn't have believed that he'd hunted just this morning.

"As okay as I can be with the conversation we just had," he said slowly. "Discussing the death of my wife."

I closed my eyes for a moment. "Please don't say things like that. I wish you could have heard what I told Rosalie…" I sighed, suddenly feeling as tired as he looked. I focused my eyes unwaveringly on his, rapidly recounting to him my theories on the purpose of a vampire's existence. He quirked an eyebrow.

"Reincarnation?"

"I like it better than the animated zombie explanation you seem to be fixated on."

He settled more deeply into the couch, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on mine. "Talk to me more this way, love, please."

I reached up to stroke his cheek as I did so, not initiating any specific line of conversation. Instead I wondered about Alaska, thought about deep, endless forests and icy mountain streams, of bears and tundra. I briefly considered Eskimos and then in response to his smirk, thought instead about tall icy mountains, snow, and long dark nights. I wondered about raw wilderness, walking through it with my hand tucked in his, looking up at ageless trees and miles of rugged land. A wilderness completely foreign to me, the only constant in my mind was of his presence beside me, witnessing my own discovery of its beauty.

"Yes, love," he murmured, so quietly I almost couldn't hear him.

I tried to imagine the house in Alaska; he'd told me that it was southeast of Denali National Park. I tried to picture a sprawling home, made of logs probably, but with the large panes of glass exposing the elements that this house showcased so beautifully. Large fireplaces in every room, of course, and roughly-hewn décor. Large, comfortable beds with mountains of pillows and quilts, bearskin rugs on the floors. Luxury softening the roughness of the surroundings.

Edward groaned softly and rubbed his face against the palm I'd flattened against his cheek.

A roaring fire in one of those fireplaces, in the room Edward and I would call our own. Orange light and dark shadows flickering across our bodies as we lay in front of the fireplace, wrapped together so tightly that it was impossible to tell where he ended and I began. The faintest iridescent shimmer from his skin, and from mine, in the orange light. My body arching under his, lips meeting, slipping, grasping, wrapping, gripping. His hand twisting into my hair, pulling my head back, leaving my throat wide and vulnerable to his caresses.

Edward's insistent fingers against the button of my jeans snapped me back from my fantasy. "Not here…your family…"

"Believe me when I tell you they are all otherwise engaged," he snarled softly. My hands batted ineffectually against the insistence of those cool determined fingers.

"Noooo…" I groaned, my body betraying my words. "Please, not here, I can't…what if…"

He quickly pulled the zipper of my jeans down and slid his hand inside, using the added leverage to push them down over my hips to my thighs. "I will make love to you in front of that fire, Bella. Many, many times." His hard fingertips flicked insistently over the silk of my panties, and I involuntarily moved against them. "Your mind… seeing us in your fantasies, Bella… it is the most erotic thing I could ever conceive of in a thousand years."

I whimpered and dragged my tongue over my lips, his eyes followed the movement. "Your family… not here… this isn't fair…"

"When did I ever promise to play fair, Bella?" he whispered, his index finger snaking under the panties, suddenly running hard and swift against my clitoris. My back arched up off the couch as I swallowed a moan that would have undoubtedly been clearly heard by every vampire in the house, if not the surrounding forest. His finger moved easily over me. I was so wet from my brief fantasies that he was able to push a single finger inside of me immediately. I jerked from the sensation.

"Ed-ward…" I was unable to choke out more than that, the screaming desire in my body warring with my awareness of his family being so close. His eyes bored unrelentingly into mine.

"The fireplace. The floor. In the snow. In the forest. Under the trees." His words were thick as his finger began to slowly move in and out of me. I sank my teeth into my lips to try and hold back the pants that would give me away. He sensed my wavering grasp on self-control, of course, and silkily moved his thumb up to rub slowly against me, never ceasing the thrusts of his forefinger. One of my hands came up to clench his forearm, while the other dug into his leg below the knee. I could feel my orgasm approaching faster than I anticipated, and I turned my head to press my face into his stone midsection, only then allowing the little whimpers to escape. I could feel his arousal straining under his jeans, pressing the denim against my cheek.

"Just like this, right now, Bella. Come here for me." His voice was such a thin hiss, I barely understood him.

My back arched again as his thumb moved more insistently. The cool, hard length of his finger inside of me was unrelenting, and when he added a second, I couldn't hold back a moan. I dragged my teeth against the t-shirt over his midsection and he snarled silently again, plunging the two fingers harder and deeper into me, making my body move of its own volition. The tingling burn from deep inside finally erupted in a single furious response. I could feel my walls pulsing rhythmically over his fingers. I jerked my head back against his stone thigh, feeling his fingertips curl and slide against that sensitive spot inside of me, and in an instant there was another climax ripping through me, one that began from far inside and then gripped all my muscles into one long aching clench of pleasure.

"Oh Jesus, oh my God, Edward…"

He too was breathing heavily now, and pulled his fingers slowly from inside me, eliciting another shiver from my body. "Let's go to my room now."

"No, no, no!" I felt guilty, of course, but I was simply not ready yet to make love to Edward in a house where six pairs of ears were able to hear my every gasp and moan. He groaned and dropped his head back against the couch.

"Bella, eternity is a long time to be shy about making love in a house of vampires."

I blushed furiously as I yanked my jeans up and fastened them. "Just give me time to get used to the idea, okay?"

He finally smiled a little. "Wait until the first time Emmett and Rosalie really start going at it and you'll understand what I've been telling you. Although, they're so obnoxious that the rest of us tend to find reasons to leave the house."

I moved to sit up, but his cool hand on my shoulder stopped me. "Don't feel you have to move on my account, love. I'm rather enjoying this view."

I settled back down, and this time he tucked a small throw pillow under my head to cushion it from his stone thighs. We both listened as my heart rate and breathing began to slow. "Edward, is it getting easier for you to read my mind?"

"A little bit, yes. Where I would only get flickers of ideas from a distance before, I'm hearing more concrete thoughts now and then. Looking into your eyes, I'm seeing so much more detail and richness in your thoughts, I love being in your mind. It's so beautiful, you have no idea. You still close up tight when you're stressed though. I can only sense your emotions then."

"What about when I'm blocking you?"

He frowned deeply. "I can't hear or feel anything from you. It makes me extremely anxious."

"But why, if you know I'm physically okay? Can't I have private time when I need it?"

"Of course. That's not what I mean, Bella." He raked his hand through his hair again, looking extremely frustrated. "You are entitled to privacy in all things, I don't begrudge you that, but just imagine a mother, listening to the sound of her new baby's breathing and heartbeat. What if it all of a sudden just stopped? Wouldn't she panic, and rightfully so?"

"That's not necessarily a fair comparison," I said slowly.

"No, but I don't know how else to convey to you the panic I felt when suddenly you just vanished to me. I count on my gift as strongly as I do any of my other senses. I am aware of not just your heartbeat every second, but also the tenor of your mind, the soft humming of your thoughts, the feeling of your emotions. When those suddenly just disappear, it's terrifying. I would imagine it would be disturbing if it happened with just anyone, but with you…"

"I'm sorry. I won't do it again." My heart ached at the pain on his face.

"Don't apologize, Bella. There is nothing to be sorry for. Neither of us had any idea that it would affect me in such a way. I have found a home for myself in your mind so quickly, so easily, it's the only place in the world I want to be. My idea of heaven is being curled up in there, with you, forever."

"I definitely won't do it again, then."

He ran his fingers through my hair. "Carlisle had an interesting thought, when we were testing your ability earlier. He thinks that perhaps as your understanding of the power grows stronger, that you may be able to pick and choose what things you can shield. That I think I can handle. You could keep my Christmas presents a secret while still staying on my radar, so to speak."

I laughed. "I like that idea."

"So we have six weeks, my love…"

"Yes," I murmured. "I hope they go by quickly."

"I know what you mean. I feel like we're in a holding pattern now. Hurry up and wait."

"We've got lots of things to do to keep us busy, though. I'll call Renee tomorrow and find out when the best time for us to visit will be. Although, I guess if we're not going to Ithaca, over Thanksgiving might be the ideal time. I'll have to pack…not that it will take long. How will we get my truck to Alaska in one piece?"

"Freight it," he replied immediately. "It's what we do with all our cars that we don't put into storage."

"And at some point," I eyed him meaningfully, "We need to get married."

"Duly noted," he chuckled.

"So what would you like to do for the rest of this lovely day?" I asked him, stretching against him, enjoying the lingering sensitivity between my legs.

"You know exactly what I would like to do," he growled quietly.

"You have a one-track mind, you know."

"I'm a vampire. It comes with the territory."

I grinned at him, he was just too beautiful to deny. "Well in that case, Romeo, go get your car keys."

A/N: So what do you think about Carlisle and Edward's plan about the medically-induced coma? I know I'd vote for that option! Also, do you think Edward is overreacting to Bella being able to completely shield him out? She could in the book and he was perfectly confident and well-adjusted with…oh wait, never mind.

Please do shoot me a review and let me know your thoughts, and come visit the Twilighted thread Stratan has started for me at www (DOT) twilighted (DOT) net/forum/viewtopic (DOT) php?f=33&t=7736 (friendly link is in my profile). I'm posting teasers over there and hearing what you think about the story and where it's headed absolutely makes my day!