A/N: Yes, I know that I was an update fail last week, and I wish I could say that I was sorry, but honestly, I needed a break, and some sleep…. Not that I got those things, but I really did intent to… I hope the following chapter makes up for the fail on updating, I know I left things in a bad spot last time and I want you all to know that I will definitely be ending this story on a happy note… but we all know not everything we gain in life is gained easily, especially love, which has always tended to be a bit messy for me.

Know that it is my ultimate dream for this to see Edward and Bella together forever and happy. I dont really like reading stories where they don't end up together at the end… but these characters are going to go where they want and I am finding the more I tryo to force certain things to happen here the less they do, if that makes any sense to you at all…

I hope you enjoy this and Please leave me a review of this chapter, it took a lot of effort to get this to where I wanted it and it was totally a labor of love!

As always, much love to my Beta DT… you are the snap and crackle to my pop…. The milk in my corn flakes… the Cap'n to my crunch… lol … I must be hungry, with all the cereal jokes…

Things I own: A brand new iPhone 4, which I can't seem to put down, I may even get twitter folks… and I have always been anti Tweeting!

Things I don't: All things twilight and the Lyrics to Only Hope by Switchfoot, which is performed by Edward in this chapter… you REALLY need to listen to this before you read that part of the chapter, so head on over to youtube and search for it… it is an amazingly lovely and poignant song, and it fits my Edward here PERFECTLY.

OK… on with it my lovelies...

Chapter 12

EPOV

I had never felt worse in my life. I just stood by and watched Bella drive away from me for what seemed, at the time, like the last time. And it felt as if my heart had been ripped, unceremoniously and painfully, from my chest.

I could see the anguish and fear etched into her features; her eyes, swollen and red, her cheeks, streaked with the salty tears that ran down her face, the sheer pain and uncertainty in her expression had been burned into my retinas, and there wasn't a thing I could have done in that moment to make it right. For as much as I wanted to make everything okay for Bella, I didn't have the strength. I could not lift a finger for her, when I myself was completely blindsided by the news that Tanya was pregnant and that the baby she was carrying … was mine.

I, who had never aspired to be a father, who never thought that I would be a good enough man to lead a band, never mind nurture a life, was going to be a father.

I was scared shitless.

How could I be trusted to shape the mind and life of another human being if I couldn't be trusted to make good decisions for myself?

And...

If I couldn't trust myself, how could I possibly trust anything Tanya was telling me? Was this really my baby? Was she trying to fuck with me?

Who else besides me had she been fucking?

If this was actually my baby, what in the fuck was I going to do?

Did she expect me to marry her? Was that something I could see myself doing, even if it was for my own child?

I didn't know how to answer any of these questions!

I stood in that bar last night and watched Bella sing about tainted fairy tales and lost ideals, and knew that she was trying to send a message.

My heart was breaking right along with hers, but honestly, what could I do?

What right did I have to fight for her when doing so would only expose her to the fucked up shit show that was my life right now?

I needed to sort all of this out for myself before I could begin to fix anything for anyone else, didn't I?

There had been a lot of questions running through my mind over the last 24 hours, none of them easily answered.

I didn't know what to think of the couple that approached Bella after her performance. They both looked somewhat familiar, like I had seen them before, but I wasn't close enough to hear their conversation with her. To my eyes, she had looked somewhat excited by whatever they told her. Well, more excited than she had been previously. She had taken a card from the red headed, over-dressed woman and enthusiastically shaken the hand of the smarmy, and oily looking man before walking back to Emmett and Rosalie, who both hugged her and ordered another round of drinks in a celebratory fashion.

I had wanted to go over, ask her what it was all about, but I couldn't make myself move forward and take the steps, because it would have killed me to hear her tell me to get the hell away from her and that she hated me. I didn't find out until the next day that they wanted to talk to Bella about signing some sort of contract, however, that wasn't the purpose of the plethora of calls and texts I had been receiving...

The first call came in from Emmett that same night, but I hadn't wanted to face the questions about my being there and have to explain what was going on between Bella and myself, let alone the whole debacle with Tanya, so I let it go to voicemail and told myself I would listen to it before bed, but I didn't.

Then came the text messages. The first two were from Alice.

12:02 AM: Saw you 2nite, I thought you weren't coming. Plse talk to me E, I want 2 help. She is so messed up right now, I want to be there for both of u… -Ali

12:44 AM: Plse call me, I'm worried about u! Love u! -Ali

Then one from Emmett.

1:07 AM: Bro! Not coming home, thought ya might need some space and quiet. At Rosie's, call if you need anything. -Em

Typical Emmett, not wanting to deal with anything emotional and messy. I appreciated him for it, though. I hadn't wanted to see him, either.

The next 3 were from Alice, again.

1:09 AM: Edward? -Ali

1:13 AM: r u OK? -Ali

1:31 AM: OK, I get it. U don't want to talk right now, Bella won't talk to me either. I'm going 2 bed but please call me in the morn. -Ali

I knew that Alice knew what was going on, even though we hadn't talked about it yet. My guess was that Bella had told her, but as I had found out the next morning, my guess was wrong.

Alice finally got to me the next morning. She waltzed in my front door at 8:00 A.M. with a cardboard holder filled with several cups of coffee and a large paper bag full of bagels from the deli down the street. I was on the couch in my living room when she entered, right where I had fallen asleep the night before. I couldn't even sleep in my own bed because it reminded me too much of Bella. I could still smell her strawberry shampoo on my pillow.

"I thought I'd find you here like this Edward," she said in a slightly admonishing tone, surveying the mostly empty bottle of scotch on the table and my seriously haggard appliance.

"Alice." I nodded, acknowledging her presence before flopping back onto the couch on my back.

"I brought coffee and bagels from that weird deli you like. Personally, I never understood why you like the place so much, but I have to say the bagels looked and smelled so yummy, and the place was totally packed."

"Did you come to talk about bagels, Alice?" I had no patience for this kind of conversation this morning. I didn't want to sit there, or in my current case, lay there, while my family and friends made awkward conversation and sent me pitying glances. I simply couldn't abide by that, especially when no one really knew what was going on. That was the curious part of this all. Everyone obviously knew something, I just had no idea what, and I needed to find out.

I guess the only way I was going to find out was to ask.

"Alice, why are you here?" I asked, annoyed.

"Edward, I'm here to make sure you're okay. You didn't return my call or answer my texts last night and I was worried." I could tell I had made her a bit uncomfortable, her eyes were on the floor as she wrung her hands.

"Worried about what, Alice? I'm fine."

She looked at me skeptically, "Edward, you're not fine. Look, I know-"

"What? What do you KNOW, Alice?"

She sighed as she sat down next to me on the couch. Still unable to meet me eyes, she said the one thing I didn't expect to hear from her.

"I saw her. I saw Tanya last week in town Edward, and when I saw Bella yesterday afternoon, looking completely broken and defeated, I knew what had happened. I didn't want to believe that this would happen. Bella wouldn't even talk to me about it. I got my confirmation from Jake at the bar last night. Apparently, he was able to drag a small bit of the story from her right after she left here, but she hasn't spoken to anyone else about it, especially not me. I'm so worried about her, Edward. It's like she has retreated into herself. Do you know that she almost turned down a meeting with Breaking Dawn Records last night? Apparently they saw a couple of her open mic gigs and love her voice and want to meet with her next week to discuss a contract, but her confidence is so shot, she doesn't think she's good enough for them." She was breathing heavily, her face pink with emotion and exertion, "but believe it or not, even though I think the two of you should fight for each other and what you're developing here, I really came to see you and make sure that you were doing okay with the whole baby thing. Do you need anything? Can I help? Have you thought about getting a lawyer? Doing a paternity test?"

She was speaking so fast, so passionately, my head was spinning. It was all so much right now.

Alice knew about Tanya. She had known since last week. On that same note, Tanya had been in town since last week. She didn't live in Seattle. Why did she wait so long to tell me about the baby? To top all of my own issues off, Bella got offered a contract, and she didn't think she was good enough. All the hard work over the last few weeks, all of the progress we had made together, was completely shot if she didn't see how good she was and take that meeting.

It was suddenly clear to me what I had to do.

I may not be able to do too much about my own situation until we got the paternity test done, but I could do something about Bella in the mean time.

Alice's voice pulled me from my thoughts, "Edward? Are you even listening to me?"

"Alice, when is Bella's meeting?"

"It's next Tuesday, why? Are you gonna talk to her? Are you going to tell her to go? Because I think you might be the only person who can get her to see her own worth. I mean you'll have to get her to talk to you and maybe work things out between the two of you with all the Tanya stuff, but I know that you can do it, Edward. You and Bella are totally meant to be together, I can feel it. I know that you're supposed to be with each other...I can't explain it...I just know, you know?"

"Alice, slow the hell down! I know you want to see Bella and I together, and believe me, if I could make that happen I would, but there is just too much going on in my life right now. I can't expect her to hang around while I figure this all out. What if this baby is mine? I couldn't ask Bella to stick around for all of that."

"Edward? Do you love Bella?"

"Alice, I … it's not that simple," my hands tugged at my hair, hard. I winced at both her next words, and the pain searing into my scalp as my fingers tangled in my already messy locks.

"Bull shit, Edward! It IS that simple. Do you love her?"

I stood and walked over to the large picture window and looked towards the trees in the park across from my house. I thought about Bella and how I really felt. I wanted Bella, I missed her, I loved making her laugh, holding her as she slept, the look in her eyes right before we kissed. I lover her sense of humor, the way she got feisty when she knew she was right about something, the way she blushed. I loved all of it, I loved her.

"Yes. I love Bella."

I turned to see that a big sunny grin had broken out on Alice's face, and she was bouncing in her seat clapping her hands.

"Great! I knew it. Now here is what you need to do to get her back…"

We planned for the rest of the morning and I finally kicked Alice out to get her part done before tonight. I wasn't sure how she was going to get Bella to go with her but I knew if anyone could do it, Alice could.

Laurent was fine with me using the club and Emmett, and Felix and Diego from Havana, were all going to meet us there.

The rest of the afternoon passed by in a blur as I practiced and showered and dressed and made the final few calls to set things up. I was calling in all of my favors with this one, but she was totally worth it.

I knew that I needed Bella. It was selfish, and was most likely going to be difficult, but I needed her with me. Always. With Bella by my side I could achieve anything. I just needed to get her to see that. If she could see that, see what her being close to me did for me, to me, then just maybe she would realize that she was everything, that she was worth anything. I needed her to realize that she couldn't doubt herself any longer. But first, I needed her to realize that I loved her, that I couldn't be without her, not now. Not ever.

Part of me knew just how crazy this all was, I must have looked like I was of my mind, but I didn't care. I needed to have Bella in my life like I needed to breathe. Yes, it had only been a few weeks, but none of that really mattered. My head, my heart were full of her, and I didn't even want to imagine it any other way.

I made my way to the club an hour before Bella was supposed to get there. Laurent had closed the place down for the night and had his chef cook an amazing meal with all of Bella's favorite dishes. I had gathered the best musicians I knew to serenade Bella, and I was going to sing for her the only song I could find that said everything I wanted to say to her. I had even gotten Emmett and Alice to pick up their instruments to help out.

Everything looked amazing. The stage was set and the ambiance was perfect. Alice was already there, putting her finishing touches to the table and ordering Laurent around, much to his dismay.

"Alice, where's Bella?" I asked, wiping my hands on my slacks and looking around the otherwise empty room.

"Relax Edward, Jake is bringing her. I asked him to do it since I didn't want her to get suspicious about all of this. Jake told her that he was taking her to dinner to get her mind off of things."

"Oh, okay." I said warily.

"How are you doing? Have you talked to Tanya today?"

I hesitated, "um...I don't really want to talk about this, Alice, but since I know you won't drop it until I tell you, we have a paternity test in almost 2 weeks. Until then, there is nothing I can do. She has asked me if I want to go to the doctor with her next week for her sonogram but I haven't answered her. I don't know if I want to do any of that until I know whether or not the baby is mine."

"I understand, Edward." She placed her hand on my shoulder and rubbed soothing circles into it, and it did help a little.

"I just want to focus on Bella tonight, on us. I need something good Alice, and Bella is my something good. I know it's wrong of me to put that on her, but god help me, I need her right now. I don't think I can get through all of this if I don't have her to love."

"Wow, Edward, I can't believe I'm hearing this from you right now. It's almost as if you have matured and grown into an adult overnight," she pretended to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye.

"Yes well, someone showing up on your doorstep and telling you that you're gonna be a dad kind of does that to you." I said, trying to joke about it.

Alice just gave me a sad smile and kissed my cheek before turning to answer Laurent, who was calling to her from the kitchen.

I turned to the staging area and the group that was assembled there, and thanked everyone for coming to help out.

Alice came bounding out of the kitchen. "Show time people!" She cried, dramatically clapping her hands, " Jake just texted, they are around the corner! Places everyone!"

I took a deep, shaky breath as I nodded to Emmett who sat at the drums, Diego on the conga, Felix on bass and Laurent, who sat at the piano. Alice joined me with her violin and I grabbed my guitar just as we heard voices.

"Why am I here Jake? I don't want to do this now, I'm not strong enough to be here and I'm definitely not ready yet."

Holy hell. She sounded like she was in pain and my heart broke into a thousand pieces just hearing her fragile voice.

"Bella, it will be fine, trust me." Jake was pleading with her.

As they came into sight, I nodded at the group once more and we began to play our intro.

Bella stopped short when she saw the group assembled on the stage, her eyes wide and her mouth in a surprised O.

I closed my eyes and sang to her with my whole being, pouring my heart and soul into the words.

There's a song that's inside of my soul

It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again

I'm awake in the infinite cold

But You sing to me over and over again

So I lay my head back down

And I lift my hands

and pray to be only Yours

I pray to be only Yours

I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars

Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing

and laughing again

When it feels like my dreams are so far

Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

And I lay my head back down

And I lift my hands and pray

To be only Yours

I pray to be only Yours

I know now You're my only hope

I give You my apathy

I'm giving You all of me

I want Your symphony

Singing in all that I am

At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

And I lay my head back down

And I lift my hands and pray

To be only Yours

I pray to be only Yours

I know now You're my only hope

When the song was finished and I was finally able to look at my beautiful girl once more, Jake was gone and she was standing there, her arms wrapped around herself, as tears streamed silently down her face.

I dropped my guitar and ran to where she stood. I gathered her in my arms and held her to me as I buried my face in her fragrant, strawberry scented hair, breathing her in deeply, as I whispered, "Bella."

A/N:

Yes, I know that you all want to kill me for ending it there but I really want the next part to be in BPOV so it needed to be done. I promise not to make you wait another 2 weeks for the next chapter.

We are making some progress here, and are about half way through now… Stick with me my lovelies… we are getting to some good stuff very soon…

Please click that word bubble button and leave me some review love! Reviewers get Edward to serenade them with slow love filled ballads…