kay, so like no words can express how happy i am to be posting this thing bels. what about you?

Happy happy.
good. so like... SMeyer still owns, last we checked. but it's okay cuz our smut is waaaaaay better than her fade to blackness.

Yeah. I'm afraid of the dark FTB doesn't work for me. Nor do page breaks.
Right right... so how about you readers leave a review and we'll see what we can do about keeping up with the regular updates?


EPOV

Hold it in. Hold it in. Hold it in.

I watched Bella relax in Ben's arms as they kissed, and fought the urge to rip him limb from limb. I was letting this happen. It was happening and I was letting it. I sighed as Ben released Bella, nuzzling his face against hers and cooing in her ear. He put her upright, and I watched her blush as she averted her gaze.

"How was that slut puppy?" Ben asked Tanya, his voice cold.

A sly smile spread over Tanya's face and I fought back the bile threatening to rise. "Guess he's still My Edward after all."

I groaned, looking at her for the first time with all of the shame and disgust that everyone else had seen. I couldn't believe I had wasted seven years. Suddenly it had boiled over. I'd had enough. "The only thing I am at this moment is completely disgusted by you. How could you even think to ask them to do that? Embarrassing me, Bella, and probably Ben even though he hides it well. You've got some fucking balls, Tanya you really do."

Tanya's eyes softened and she reached out to me. "Edward, I--"

"No. It's enough. You've done quite enough. I hope you're happy now. I hope you have everything you want."

I walked away from all of them. I didn't fucking care about myself, or Tanya or Ben. But Bella; Bella shouldn't have to put up with shit like that, especially when she was carrying my child. It wasn't fair to her, and it certainly wasn't fair to the baby. My poor little zygote.

I walked completely through the house to the lake, then onto the docks, where I slumped down. I couldn't believe that I'd let that happen; that I'd been able to stand there and let Ben rape Bella's mouth without decking him. I couldn't let Tanya sink her teeth into Bella. I couldn't let that happen. I needed to protect her. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't? What kind of father? I felt the dock rock beside me, and I closed my eyes.

"Dude, I'm sorry about macking on your woman back there." Ben said, leaning into me and giving me a nudge. "You wanna talk about it?"

I laughed humorlessly, "About what? How my fincee's fucking psychotic? About how I'm having a baby with the woman of my dreams and she almost left me last night? About how my life is a mess--"

"hey, stop it. You're life is so black and white, it's not even funny. You have a lady who loves you and is willing to shove a watermelon through a straw for you. That takes guts, Eds. And Tanya's always been a tramp. You knew this."

"I know, but... I thought that maybe she'd stop. Because she loved me. Because she wanted me more than the other guys." I sighed, "But I guess not."

Ben sighed, "Edward... she's just a different kind of person. She doesn't know what she has. But Bella does; Bella appreciates you. When I asked about her other guy you know what she said? That he wasn't Edward. That woman loves you. Hands down. She thinks you shit rainbows and piss bunnies. Get through this for her, if not for yourself."

I nodded. "I know. I love her more than I thought possible."

"It shows, dude. Trust me. It shows. But I am impressed that you were able to not kill me while I tongued Bellista."

I laughed a little. "Me too. I almost did though. And don't get any ideas."

"I dunno, man. That Bellista..." He let out a low whistle and a low growl rumbled through my chest.

"See? Now that's what I was expecting."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "Not cool."

He laughed loudly, clapping me on the back. "She loves you,Edward. Trust me, when she was kissing me, she wasn't into it. Not even a little. Her lips were locked tighter than the hoover dam."

"Not. Helping."

"I'm just trying to help you out. But listen, you be careful with those two. Bellista just might remove Tanya's eyes." Ben stood up then laughed out loud, "But then you could kiss Bellista in front of her, so it wouldn't really matter."

I laughed with him as I stood up, following him back into the house. I couldn't believe it was only saturday.

BPOV

After Edward and Ben had taken off I had seen no reason to stay in the uncomfortable situation with Tanya so I went upstairs to change into my swimsuit and check on Max. He was awake and cooing, kicking at the moon and stars mobile hanging above his crib. I picked up up and held him to my waist. "What's up lil man? Do you want to go swimming. He smiled at me, and it was Alice's smile completely. I changed him into his little swimmer diaper trunks and we walked outside to the pool.

I sat down on the first step and helped him stand, holding him up as he gripped my arms as best he could and got used to the water. He giggled, muttering "wawa" as his little feet kicked up small waves. He was so friggin adorable, I couldn't help but smile. "That's right, water." I agreed and he laughed, kicking harder.

"Well well, someone's getting mommy-and-me practice time." I heard Jasper's voice ring out behind me. I turned my neck facing him as he sank his legs into the pool and edged inside slowly. Max's head turned towards his father and his eyes lit up. "Dad-da" said, cooing again and letting one hand up from my arm to reach for him. Jasper made his way over and took him from my arms. "That's right. Dad-da" He said pointing to himself. He turned his finger towards me. "And that's Bella. Can you say Bella?" Max's eyes followed his father's finger and he looked at me smiling and shaking his head, buring his face in his father's chest shyly. "Come on Max, who is that? Is that Bella?" Jasper egged on. Max nodded against his father, still not looking up at me. Jasper and I laughed and I sank further into the pool. Dipping under the water and pushing off swimming towards the deep end. I made it 3/4ths of the way, completely below the surface before popping up for air and spinning around to see Max still in his father's arms, staring at me. I smiled widely and waved. He scrunched up his nose and buried his face in Jasper's chest again and he laughed. "Seems like Max may have a little crush on Bella." Alice's voice chimed as I turned to see her walking across the lawn with Edward and Ben behind her.

I swam leisurly back to the shallow end where the three of them were standing at the poolside.

"I agree darling. Edward, looks like you might have some competition here." Jasper replied chuckling and bouncing Max a little in his arms, to which he squealed with happiness.

His eyebrows shot into his hairline and he nodded respectfully at the toddler. "A worthy opponent."

"Where's Rose?" Ben asked turning to Jasper and Alice. "I haven't seen her since this morning." Alice rolled her eyes and huffed. "The Cullen sister has decided that she doesn't have timefor a vacation that doesn't involve boot camp style workouts so she went home early. She got a ride from Tanya, since the four of us drove up together.

"Tanya left too?" Jasper asked, looking at his wife. Alice nodded, beaming brightly. "Mhm, again! Hopefully this time she'll learn not to come back." She turned to Edward "I'd say no offense, but I don't think you mind her being gone too much." She stated with a smirk.

Edward shrugged sliding his t-shirt off and walking to the deep end. "Not particularly," he responded before diving in and swimming down towards where we had gathered in the shallow end. Alice sat down along the pool's edge, dipping her legs in. "Max hunny, can you say Auntie Bellla?" Max's head spun around to look at his mom and he shook his head, turning pink and burrowing his face in his father's shoulder. His eyes peeked out and he looked at me, lifting his face. "Bew-wa"

The smile that spread across my face would have extended around the globe if my head could have supported it. I nodded and pointed to him "Max." He nodded and I pointed to me and he smiled, "Bew-wa." I felt Edward's arms wrap around me from behind as he placed a soft kiss behind my ear. "Can I get a smile that big, if I call you Bew-wa?" I laughed and leaned back against him. My neck turned to look at him and his lips pressed against mine softly.

"So who kisses better?" Ben chided as he sat beside Alice on the side of the pool.

"WHAT?!" Alice asked looking from me to Edward to Ben. "Bella KISSED YOU?!" Her eyes widened to the size of saucers. "Edward?"

He sighed exasperatedly rubbing his chin against my shoulder. "It's a long story, Alice. And not what you're thinking." Her eyes continued to flicker between the three of us, as we remained quiet and she finally settled down, with a huff.

Max started slapping the water, splashing Jasper and Alice in the process and everyone laughed and watched him. "Evidently he's an attention whore like his mother." Ben replied, grinning. "Yep just like his momma!" She agreed proudly.

The group of us remained in the shallow end, with Ben eventually getting in and playing motorboat with Max until the wind began to pick up and Alice pulled Max out to dry off before he, in her words, "caught the Spanish Influenza". Ben and Jasper followed her inside and I swam to the wall, Edward following behind me. His arms circled around my waist and he looked down at me, smiling.

"I'm sorry about earlier." I whispered, looking up at him. He had to know that the thing between Ben and I... wasn't even a thing. It was an 'oh-shit-what-the-fuck-is-happening' blip in time.

He leaned his face closer to mine, shaking his head. "Baby, if anyone should be apologizing, it's me."

I crinkled my forehead. "What, why?"

"For Tanya. The things she said... i never should have put you in this situation. I'm so sorry, Bella."

I shook my head, moving a hand out of the water to cup his jaw. "It's fine baby." I replied, kissing him. "I'd go through that and more for what we have now."

"I love you the best, you know." He whispered, rubbing his nose against mine.

"Mhm. I know." I said, kissing him softly.

"Good. How do you feel?"

"I'm good." I murmured, smiling against his neck. "Is it too early for us to call it a night if the sun hasn't even finished setting?"

"No. I want you to be okay." He said, poking my stomach lightly with his index finger. "That's my baby in there."

I spread my legs and he took a step between them; his shorts brushing against me. I let out a breath and bit my lip. "You know, being pregnant I'm going to need to keep my cardio up for both my and the baby's heart." I smirked against his lips, moving my mouth against his slowly. How was it possible that they still felt this good against mine?

He grinned mischievously against my lips. "That's totally up to you, Baby. Whatever you want."

My arms slid around his lazily and my fingers threaded through his hair as I shook my head. "What do you want to do?"

"Be with you." He murmured before kissing me.

I laughed quietly against him. "Well, you have me regardless. Do you want to go home?" His hands slid down my sides to my ass, cupping it and pushing it against him. I let out a soft whimper and he began rocking his hips against mine. His head drop down to my shoulder and he nibbled against my neck. "I need to be able to scream your name Edward." I breathed against his temple. "Let's go back to the studio." I felt him nod against me and pull away, his cheeks flushed as he pressed his lips to mine. "Okay, I'll go pack our stuff and you tell Alice we're leaving."

Three hours, a birthday cake and belly full of burgers later Edward was driving my car home. Ben had agreed to stay the night and Jasper offered to drive him home the following day.

He pulled into his parking spot and we couldn't keep our hands off each other from the minute we stepped out of the car all the way up until we reached his door.

"Baby, baby... I gotta open the door." He murmured against my lips as he cradled me in his arms. I slowly unwound my legs from his waist with a sigh. He pushed open the door and pulled me through it quickly, pressing me firmly against the wall.

"You have no idea what seeing Ben all over you did to me, do you?" He growled, nipping at my neck. I moaned loudly, arching my chest against his. "It was only a kiss."

"I don't care." He continued, sternly. "You're mine Bella. Only mylips belong on yours; no one else's." He shoved his lips against mine fiercely, proving his point as his tongue separated my lips and grasped for mine. "Baby.." I whispered pulling my mouth from his. "I'm gonna go wash up a little. I feel greasy from the sunscreen."

He let out a ragged breath, leaning his forehead against mine. "Okay. I'm going to run to the store then, for the pregnancy test." I flashed a toothy smile and nodded, kissing his mouth quickly. "Okay, sounds like a plan."

I walked into the bathroom as I heard him bring our bags into his bedroom, and stripped down to rinse off.

That was when I saw it. The one thing I had been praying for until this weekend.

My period.

I felt my heart drop into my stomach and I quickly locked the door, my head bumping against it as I slid down, the tears flowing freely from my eyes. I heard his footsteps move quickly towards the bathroom.

"Bella? Love, you okay?"

I gasped, sniffling the tears back quickly and wiping my eyes. "Y-yeah... I'm okay."

"What was that? Are you hurt? Let me in." No, that... he.... no. "I'm fine." I said sniffling back the tears that threatened to spill over. "Just... can you... I need tampons." The tears broke lose through the temporary damn I had erected and I pulled my knees up to my chest, muffling the sound of my crying against my thighs.

He didn't say anything, but I heard the front door close and I waited a few moments before stepping into the shower.

How was it possible to achingly miss something that never existed?

EPOV

It's funny how tampons can change your whole life.

Personally, I never thought that they would matter to me, but here I was cursing the guy who invented the damn things. I sighed and pulled into the Walgreen's parking lot then trudged in. "Feminine Hygiene?" I said to the pimply kid behind the counter. "Aisle Four."

Aisle four.

I went into the aisle and looked at the sea of blue and pink boxes, cringing a little. No baby for Edward. I sighed, running a hand through my hair, and picked up a box. I was heading back to the registers when I heard a voice call behind me, "Does your wife have a wide set vagina?"

I stopped dead in my tracks, turning slowly. The woman was may be 4'5 and 213 years old and she was asking me about my wife's vagina? "Excuse me?"

She gestured to the box in my hand. "You picked up the heaviest tampons we carry. They're for woman with a heavy flow and a wide set vagina."

I looked at her blankly, "How the hell would I know if she had a wide set vagina?"

The woman shrugged, "How should I know? I'm not the one basting her turkey."

I sighed, replacing the box and looking at the rest of them. "Any suggestions?"

The woman set down the bottles of lube she was restocking and came to stand next to me, putting her glasses on her nose. "How's her flow?"

"Her what?"

"her flow, Sonny. How much liquid does she expel?"

I cringed. "I don't know... the usual amount?"

The woman sighed and rolled her eyes, "What kind of Applicator?"

I was confused, "There's an option?"

"Yes. None, plastic, or Cardboard."

Cardboard sounded painful and none was just... ew. "Plastic."

"Okay, so you're looking here. Does she need sport level protection?" I looked at her. "Does she move around a lot."

I thought for a moment, "Kind of, but not more than normal."

She plucked a box from the shelf and handed it to me, "Here you go sonny, try these." She studied me for a moment before placing her hand gently on my arm. "Your wife is alright isn't she?"

I sighed and nodded a little. "I was supposed to be buying a pregnancy test."

The woman nodded sadly at me, "Ah. I'm very sorry to hear that, my boy. But, do you love your wife?"

"Very much."

She smiled up at me hopefully, "Then you'll get your shot. Any man who loves his wife enough to buy her tampons, deserves to be a father."

I laughed sadly, looking back at the shelf. I put the box in my hand back, then grabbed another. I held it up to show the woman, "Multi-pack."

She laughed again and nodded, "Now you're learning. Good luck, my boy."

I nodded in good-bye and paid for the tampons quickly so that I could get back to Bella. When I got there, the place was silent, and I would have thought she'd left were it not for the light coming from under the bathroom door. I dropped the box in front of the bathroom door and knocked gently. "Bella? The box is here. I'm going to change, okay?"

I heard nothing from the other side.

I went to go change, but all I wanted was Bella in my arms, telling me we could do this again; that we would try again. That was what I wanted. I made my way back toward the kitchen when I heard the bathroom door open and Bella stepped out. My head snapped up and I looked at her, "Bella?"

"Hm?" She was dress in a pair of yoga pants and my sweatshirt, but she was completely void of any emotion. That scared me more than anything.

"Baby, you okay?" she was walking around like nothing was wrong. Like we hadn't thought we were about to be parents for the last 48 hours.

She nodded, then came over and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm sorry."

I wrapped my arms around her, leaning my cheek to the top of her head, "There's nothing to apologize for. Really."

She shook her head, then buried her face in the crook of my neck. "No, I should have waited to know for sure before saying anything... I'm so sorry Edward."

She was being ridiculous. "Love, I'm glad you told me. It made me realize how much I needed you; how much I needed this. I love you, Bella. Nothing will ever change that."

"Do you... do you think you might want to try again?" she whispered, keeping her face firmly planted against my skin.

I leaned my head against hers, "Would you?"

She nodded, "I want that, if you do."

I kissed the top of her head. "Of course I do. Bella, just because it didn't work out this time doesn't mean I don't still want that." I squeezed her tighter to my chest, "Bella, all of those things we talked about still apply. Don't worry love."

"I just, I didn't know if you really wanted it or if you were just saying you did because we were in the situation..." She pulled away to look at me, and my heart broke when I saw how red her eyes were.

I brushed the hair off of her face and kissed her eyelids. "No, love. I want those things with you. So what if it's not happening right now? As long as we get them, it doesn't really matter. At least, not to me."

She sighed, "Can we just lay down? I'm kinda overwhelmed and tired and just... sad." She chewed on her lip and I watched as her eyes began to fill with unshed tears.

I slid my hands down her body and picked her up carefully, her head against my shoulder as I walked us to the bed. After I put her down, she crawled under the covers and curled into a ball. I got in bed behind her and wrapped my body around her, as if that was all she needed to protect her.

Bella's voice was quiet and apprehensive. "Do you think this is karma for me cheating on James? Because I don't know that anything has ever hurt this much." I felt her tears on my arm, and I pressed a kiss to the back of her head.

I let out a ragged sigh, nuzzling my nose into her hair, "No, love. Not at all. We just... weren't ready yet. But we will be; it's gonna be okay."

When I replaced my cheek, I found that there was a wet spot there. I put my fingers to my cheek and I realized that I was crying, too. I was mourning the loss of the child I never got to have, the relationship that Bella and I once had and my life as I knew it.

Because after today nothing would be the same.

BPOV

I hadn't realized how ready I was to be a mother, to have a family with Edward, until the opportunity presented itself. And now it was gone and all I wanted was to have it back. I wanted Edward to fuck me stupid and I wanted us to not stop until we had a reason to check and see if it was 1 pink line or 2.

I couldn't help the nagging thoughts that shoved their way to the front of my mind that repeated that I wasn't pregnant because of karmic retribution for cheating on James. I slept restlessly for a few hours before my eyes flung open after a nightmare I'd had of Edward and I having a baby and me dropping it down a pool drain. My body shifted in Edward's arms and I adjusted to wearing clothes to bed with him. His lips brushed against the top of my head as the hand that wasn't gripping my waist firmly ran up and down my spine. I nuzzled my face into his chest and felt him sigh into my hair.

"I want this Edward. I want to try and have a baby." I murmured against his t-shirt. What I left out for fear of scaring him was that I wanted to try now; I was ready now for this with him. He nodded against my head and kissed it again. "We will love. When it's the right time we'll try and it'll happen."I bit my lip and nodded.

He wasn't ready and I couldn't blame him; after all it had only been six weeks. But I knew; I just knew that I was meant for Edward and he for me.

My breath fanned over his body and I closed my eyes, trying to sleep. But sleep never came.