Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.
All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.
Chapter Sixteen
When I was human, waking up from a long sleep involved a prolonged drifting towards the surface; a sweet blurry clearing of my mind, blinking and occasionally the mild confusion between vague dreams and reality. Not so now.
Now, in the briefest flicker of a blink and snap, my mind was clear. My eyes were open and every single nerve ending in my body was simultaneously alert and aware.
I saw everything at once. Muted daylight coming in through glass double doors off to my right, comfortable rough-hewn logs above my head, a rustic armoire at the foot of the bed, and to my left…
Edward.
My first movement was towards him, of course. It was instinct now.
He lay stretched out beside me, but propped up on his forearm; his beautiful golden eyes watching me anxiously. I had no words in that moment… no words…
Because he was beautiful.
Everything I'd taken for granted before: the perfection of his bone structure; his skin; the symmetry of his features… I'd appreciated their beauty before. But now… I couldn't stop staring at him. It was like looking at something so infinitely beautiful that the longer I looked, the more magnificence I saw, and the more I ached with the perfection of it.
There was nothing I could say to him that would convey the pure raw emotions that surged through me. Seeing him there, waiting patiently, the one being that had given me strength and beckoned me onward through a hell that was now behind me...I could think forever and not come up with words to adequately explain how I felt in that moment. So in the end, I said the simplest thing instead.
"Hi." I felt my cheeks lift and my lips part in a smile as I met his eyes and whispered to him as quietly as my new voice would allow. The relief in his perfect golden eyes was immediate as he returned my smile.
Even as I watched his expression relax, I was hyperaware of other things, as though there were many channels in my brain, all functioning flawlessly at once. I could feel the threads in the sheets under our bodies. I could hear footsteps and whispers from downstairs, as well as the wind whooshing around the house and the faint corresponding creaks of the building. And the smells… the weathered age of the logs, still faintly tangy with long-dried resin, the faint layers of dust here and there, but most of all… him. A perfect blend of sweet raw honey and lilacs warm from the summer sun.
All of this flew through my mind before he even had a chance to reply to me.
"Hi to you too, my love."
"Edward…" My second word, it should have been my first, but even so I knew that every ounce of happiness and longing and joy and love was conveyed in that one single word. Even as his name left my lips, my hands were already reaching for him, meeting his as his arms wrapped firmly around me and pulled me close.
"My love, my wife, my Bella…" he groaned into my hair, pushing hard kisses against my head and face. In that moment the last shreds of tension that had surrounded him shivered and disappeared, the sweetness of relief and elation enveloped us as he kissed me over and over again. Finally he pulled back far enough to cup my face in his hands, his eyes alight with absolute adoration, and then his lips crashed hard into mine.
And this kiss… forever after I would remember this as my first kiss, because everything before it was pale and faint compared to the dance between us now. I could feel everything and it was intoxicating… warm, soft lips pressing feverishly to mine, the urgent pressure of his tongue begging for entry, and then the sweet push-and-pull of our mouths as he shifted on top of me, deepening the kiss, his teeth scraping ever-so-lightly over my lips. He finally broke away with a moan, his hand sliding back to tangle in my hair, his kisses moving tenderly over my cheeks, nose, and forehead.
"You gave me quite a scare, love. I've never been so grateful to see your beautiful eyes open and looking at me."
I hummed against him appreciatively, too wrapped up in the hot breath against my ear and cheek to form a sensible reply.
He ran his lips down my jaw and nipped at my chin before speaking again. "I'm sorry that things happened the way they did… but in this moment… I'm not sorry for anything else. I have you here, now, in my arms, and that's all I'll ever need."
His words were a flash-fire that melted my bones and set my skin blazing as I arched against him. "Edward… I want…"
"I know what you want," he whispered, his voice a husky promise of things to come. "And believe me, I want it all too. The family wants to see you, and then they'll leave us alone… for as long as we want…" His words trailed off into a groan as I squirmed impatiently under him, moving solely on need now. It burned slow and deep inside of me, kindled with every caress of his eyes and hands.
He kissed me and then laughed against my mouth before pulling back, his hands again framing my face, both thumbs rubbing gently over my lips. I hummed and quivered like a bowstring against his touch, wanting and needing more. My conscious rational mind was being quickly subverted by my primal drive.
"My beautiful one," he whispered, teasing. "You must not have heard me before. Look at me, look into my eyes and tell me how much you love me. Tell me so I'll hear it echoing in my mind over and over again as I love you."
I smiled up at him, into a face that was sweet with anticipation and yet also eager with lust. I wanted him so badly, but more than that, I loved him with a profound ache that throbbed through me and couldn't be expressed adequately with spoken words.
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…
His smile faltered slightly even as his eyes dug deep into me.
Edward? I love you, I love you so much, I love you…
Now his smile was gone. "Bella? Love?"
I blinked, hearing the tiny clicks and whispers of my eyelashes tangling and then releasing. Edward…
Now mild alarm flickered across his features. "Love, please let me in. It's over, it's all over. You're awake and you're perfect, and I'm here…just tell me that you love me in your mind, just…"
My confusion must have finally drifted over my face, even as I began chanting his name in my brain. In a split second he'd scooted me up and sat me up against the headboard of the bed, his knees on either side of my thighs so he was crouched over me, his hands gripping my face as his eyes bored into mine. At the same time the footsteps from below became more hurried, and then they were on the stairs. Edward's panic was tangible now.
"Bella…Bella please, let me in. Please love, just let me in. Everything is fine, but I need…I need…"
There was a quick rapping at the door, and Edward's head snapped to it in an instant. "Go away!" he barked, his hands never leaving my face.
Edward, what's wrong? Stop, I'm here, I'm here! Look at me, I'm here! I love you, I love you, I don't know…
His eyes were widening with palpable panic. The force behind them would have pinned me to the bed if I weren't so suddenly and completely swept up in the fear that swirled around him.
"I can't hear you." His words were a faint whisper from the back of his throat, but I immediately heard and understood. In a flash, my hands were up and framing his face, a perfect mirror image of his grip on me.
"I'm here, Edward, I don't…"
He didn't hear me, I could tell. His pupils were dilated so much that the topaz was only a thin ring, his lips parted in horror. The rapping at the door ceased as the knob twisted, but in a split second, Edward was between me and his family as they entered. First Jasper, then Carlisle came in, Alice immediately behind them with Emmett on her heels.
"Get out!" Edward snarled in a voice that would have terrified me before, but now it only served to heighten my anxiety. Carlisle stood unwavering against him, Jasper tense at his side.
"Edward…"
Only the love and trust he had in his family must have overruled his protective instincts; he turned back to me, panic in every move, every line of his body. "Bella… I can't hear you!"
I was shrieking now in my head, willing him to hear me, to be done with this nightmare. The newness, the strangeness, the sensory overload of my new mind and body were forgotten as Edward was back over me, his eyes piercing my own. My mind was still shrieking and somehow he must have recognized the effort if not the results. In the next second he sucked in a deep breath and had me in his arms.
"Edward!" Alice shrieked, her sweet high voice shrill. "Please, wait!"
He ignored her, tucking me tightly into his chest, wrapping his arms protectively around me. There was an explosive cracking of wood as he kicked open the double doors, and in an instant we were outside. There was a slight jar when he hit the ground, the yells fading behind us as he gripped me more securely and ran.
Edward ran for what seemed like an eternity, but I was hyperaware of every second that ticked by in that time. Additionally, the bombardment of scents, smells, and noises around us became almost too much for me to process, since I was so fixated on his panic. I could feel it batting around in the center of my chest, the same type of gnawing I would have associated with a panic attack in my human life. Whenever I tried to speak, desperate to alleviate his worry, he only pulled me more tightly against him and ran faster.
He finally stopped running and abruptly sat down under a tree with me still in his arms. "Edward, I…"
"Shh, wait, love…" he whispered, before cupping my cheek in his hand and tilting my face around to his. The desperation in his beautiful eyes almost broke my now-silent heart.
"I had to get you away from all of them… I'm sure, if it's quiet enough, if I listen hard enough… I'll be able to hear you."
I bit my lip even as I began silently chanting his name over and over. He held my face gently, a sharp contrast to the intensity of his gaze, and I could see that he was desperately trying to will himself into my mind. Even as I was drawn into his eyes, seeing for the first time the tiny flecks of gold in the topaz, I felt no reassuring jolt, no familiar presence inside this humming beehive that was now my brain.
It was just Edward looking at me, and me looking back.
After a long time, disbelief flickered across his features. "Bella I… I can't hear you. I can't feel you… I can't get in."
"Edward, please calm down. I don't understand what's going on either." Even as I spoke soothingly to him, I was started by the sound of my own voice. It sounded like me, only sweeter, more melodious.
He shuddered beneath me. "I'm sorry love, I'm so sorry. Your first few moments awake and I'm doing this to you…"
"Shh," I whispered, putting my hands on either side of his face. "I'm not upset with you. It's a shock to me too."
"Can you… are you… do you have your shield up?"
I closed my eyes for a brief moment, looking for the thin shimmer I'd come to recognize in days past, but there was nothing. "I don't know. I don't see it, but it must be…"
His arms tightened around me. "It must… something to do with your change…"
I wrapped my arms around his neck. "It's still me, Edward. It's Bella. I'm still me. I'll just be a little quieter for a while, until we figure this out."
"I don't want you quiet," he mumbled into my neck. "I want to be inside your mind, I want to feel everything."
"You can't hear… anything?"
He shook his head slowly. "I can't hear you, I can't feel your emotions… nothing. When you opened your eyes and smiled at me, it was just… silence."
"It'll just be quiet, that's all. I'll still tell you every single day how much I love you. I'm still the same Bella, your wife, your mate."
He tilted his head back to look at me. "Do you feel the same?"
"I… well, no." I'd been concentrating so completely on him, I hadn't even spared another thought for myself. I'd known I was awake and safe, that had been enough for the moment. "I feel very aware."
His lips moved into a ghost of a smile. "Yes, that sounds about right. What else?"
"I can see, and hear, and smell everything," I whispered, finally tearing my eyes away from him and casting a glance around us. We were surrounded by a forest blanketed in snow, deep shadowy green depths contrasting sharply with the sparkling white drifts that piled up in smooth unbroken mounds. The sounds… I felt as though I'd been underwater all my life, and had only now broken the surface. I was sure I could even hear the pine needles rubbing together and the occasional snowflake fall.
"You have to tell me, Bella," he whispered into my throat.
"It's all so… sharp, and I'm aware of all of it," I murmured, amazement breaking over me as I now turned my attention to my new body and senses. "Like I can see and smell and hear and taste it all at once, but it's not too much… it's just… all there, processed at once."
"Yes?" he encouraged.
I looked down at our entwined bodies for the first time; he still held me crossways on his lap. Neither of us were dressed for the weather; he was in a black t-shirt and faded jeans, I was in a short white dress I'd never seen before. My arms and legs were exposed, and they looked like the loveliest of marble sculptures; firm and smooth with absolutely no imperfections in sight. I lifted my legs and pointed my toes, enjoying the easy movement of my muscles, amazed that my body was already in motion before I'd even thought to order it.
"I look like you now," I said softly.
"You look better than me now, my love." I turned back to face him and he raised a hand to stroke my cheek. "You are exquisite, Bella Cullen."
"What do I look like?" I breathed, suddenly enraptured by his face. The anxiety from earlier was slowly melting away from both of us, and in its place was a need tugging more strongly than anything else I'd ever felt.
"You look," he started, and then shook his head. "I have no words. You are still my same beautiful wife, except… I hadn't believed it would be possible for you to get any lovelier. But you have. Every single magnificent thing about you is even more so. Bella… you take my breath away. My perfect, stunning wife."
"Your mate," I reminded him, slowly running a hand down his chest.
"My mate," he agreed. His eyes were darkening rapidly; my weak human eyes hadn't been able to actually capture the change in color as it happened. Now, however, I saw the topaz deepen to a rich amber-brown, and then darker still.
"Are the others going to come looking for us?"
"I don't think so," he said after a moment, lifting a finger to run along the smoothness of my neck, down across my collarbone. "Even if Alice may not be able to see you, she can see me, and they'll know we're okay now."
I licked my lips and with that movement I could not only smell him, I could taste him in the air between us. Arousal was zipping quickly through my body now, and it felt the same as before, except at ten times the strength. I could literally feel every inch of my skin tingle as he raked his eyes over me; all my nerves seemed to simultaneously stand on end. A low urgent heat began to build between my thighs, much more demanding than anything I could remember from before. I wanted to distract him from his worries, but more than that I was selfish, and I wanted him.
"Edward… I want you. I need you."
His hand ran up my bare thigh, under the dress, and I shivered deliciously at the contact as his hand came to rest on my hip. "Tell me that again," he growled.
"I need you inside of me. I need you make me scream."
In an instant, he was on his feet and carrying me away from the tree, to where more snow had accumulated as drifts in the open. "What are you going to scream, my love?"
"I'll be screaming for you… begging you," I gasped. Edward sank to his knees and lowered me into the snow. I vaguely registered the strange sensation of snow without cold, but then Edward was stretched out over me.
"You wanted to make love in the snow?"
"Yes…"
"Bella," he groaned, peppering kisses along my jaw. "I can't make this sweet and slow, not this first time. I need you too much. I need to be inside you."
I wrapped my legs around his hips and then gasped as he flexed instinctively against me, his erection pressing hard against the heat that was now growing to a maddening burn. I didn't just want him inside me; I needed it, badly, before I went insane.
Edward tugged my dress over my head and cast it aside, and then I was completely bare. He made quick work of his own clothes as I squirmed under him, before falling back over me, placing hard frantic kisses over my face and neck. His knees parted my thighs and, in one forceful thrust, he was inside of me.
My immediate scream of delight echoed through the trees and up into the sky. I was bright and burning, brilliant in a million different colors behind my eyes. A Fourth of July sparkler, a glittering rainbow of sensation, each nerve that quivered and screamed inside of me had its own glint, its own taste. I could feel it all.
Edward moaned in response against my throat before he began plunging forward again, his hands holding my hips firmly to meet his movements. I let him do as he wished with my body; I threw my head back and arched to meet him, enraptured by the way I responded even more perfectly to him now.
He reared back onto his knees, still inside of me, never ceasing his movements, and I knew he was watching me. I could see myself reflected in his black eyes: my white body against the whiter snow; long dark hair spilled around my face; my lips parted in ecstasy.
Hot and hotter, hard and quick, building to a peak that simultaneously seemed immediate and yet impossible. Pleasure that kept increasing, as though there were no end to its reach. Edward gripping my thighs, groaning my name when he could, pushing into me at a new angle, jerking whenever another scream of ecstasy tore from behind my clenched teeth. I could feel my own strength now, coiling and tensing inside me, urging me to meet him thrust for thrust. I bucked my hips up to meet him, and in that moment, he snarled and fell apart inside of me. The pleasure throughout my body shivered like fine crystal before a high-frequency tone and then shattered.
The pleasure rode on waves that both rocked me and swallowed me whole. I could feel my climax throughout every inch of my body, every single cell hummed and collapsed before expanding again, like breathing. I could feel myself pulsating around him, and could feel him jerking inside of me. I felt Edward's orgasm even as he felt mine.
He collapsed on top of me, arms immediately around me, still inside of me. "My Bella, oh my Bella…"
I sucked in breaths which were wholly unnecessary, but still delicious, as they were perfumed faintly with the scent of us in the thin air. I thought that I could almost hear our nerves and synapses crackling like static electricity, stretching and then curling up like a cat, purring with the pleasure that still wrapped around us like a steel ribbon.
I never could have imagined it. Never ever could I have understood what this would be like. It was almost too much to be believed. To be able to not just experience pleasure, but to see it, to understand it, to feel every bit of it as it unfolded inside me… it was bliss.
Edward's warm lips on mine now, kissing me languidly. "I won't always be so quick, my love."
"I already know that, silly," I replied slowly, testing out my vocal cords again. To my surprise, my speech was completely unaffected by the explosions that had just ricocheted through me. I'd half-expected to be a wilted mumbling mess after all of it.
He placed his hand over my silent heart. "Can you feel that?"
I held my breath and focused inward, on the feeling in my chest. It was a throbbing: not the sharp, dependable staccato that used to beat there, but a warm slow, comfortable pulse nevertheless. "Yes."
"This is what I've felt for you, what I was waiting for you to feel as well. This is what we have instead of a heartbeat now, love. That rhythm you feel there is us."
I gasped as my sharpened brain immediately seized his words and he smiled, bending to kiss me again. "You don't know how long I've waited for this, Bella. I didn't feel it at all until I met you, and even then it was faint. I knew it would be stronger after your change, but it's almost overwhelming… it's almost like it's our heartbeat, our life… it's us. There is you and I, there is Edward and Bella, but most of all, there is us. This is where we overlap; this is where we are one. My mate, my life. I don't exist without you."
He kissed me again, unhurried, for some time. "We have to go back, you know. But after that, I want to go slow and do things properly."
"That was quite proper, I assure you," I whispered against his lips.
He smiled and my lips moved with his. "Imagine that… but for hours, for days."
"Mmm," I moaned softly, shifting my hips under his. "Can't we start now?"
"I would love nothing more," he agreed, lips slipping up to kiss each of my eyelids. "But I guarantee you that Alice will come charging through the forest, probably with the whole family in tow. We should assure them we're fine, and then hang a Do Not Disturb sign on our doorknob."
I sighed in resignation and he propped himself up on his forearms above me. His eyes, although no less lustful, had gone back to their normal shade of topaz. "How do you feel, Bella?"
"I feel perfect."
His expression was thoughtful but he didn't speak again for a moment. "I suppose we should get dressed, then." He slid out of me, eliciting a moan from deep in my throat, and he flashed me a wicked grin. "Soon enough, my love, soon enough."
He was on his feet in a flash, and then reached down his hands to me. With no effort at all I sprang up beside him, exhilarating in the comfortable yawning stretch from all my muscles. He reached up to brush the snow from my hair and nude body; not a single flake had melted on me. "Look…we made a snow angel."
I turned to see the deep impression of our bodies in the snow. "That doesn't look like any snow angel I've ever seen."
"It's a Bella-angel, then," he amended softly, running his hand back over my hair. I caught my breath at the depth of love in his eyes and wondered if he could see the same thing in mine. He pulled me tightly to him and we kissed for a long time, naked bodies pressed close, standing in the middle of snow and trees and silence. Eventually he found my white dress and shook it free of the snowflakes before handing it to me. He dressed rapidly, and then held his hand out to me.
I thought that maybe we would run, or that he would carry me, but instead he took my hand tightly in his and we walked back to the house. I asked him a thousand questions, and he answered each one. Sometimes we paused just to kiss and touch and feel the warm pulse in our chests as we pressed together. It was full dark before we arrived back at the house.
The family was all waiting for us there with encouraging smiles and greetings. Esme and Alice hugged me tightly, but Rosalie sat unmoving on the couch with her hand gripped tightly in Emmett's. Jasper kissed my hand before pulling me into a tight hug, and Carlisle gripped my shoulders as he kissed both my cheeks. The whole time Edward hovered close behind me, unwilling to have me more than a foot away from him at any moment.
When all the greetings were through, we all settled in front of a roaring fire in the enormous living room.
"It goes without saying," Carlisle noted, "That despite all of the unexpected events that led to this moment, we're relieved that you're all right now."
I smiled at him, and Edward squeezed my hand. "Yes, I'm fine."
"In your absence we discussed… the fact that your blocking ability seems to have… become absolute?"
I felt Edward's body tense behind my own, and I fought to keep my response and emotions in check. "Yes, it would seem so."
"I personally don't understand why something like this would have happened," Carlisle mused. "Especially since you were able to recognize and control your gift before your change… I truly have no idea why it is so inflexible now. It seems almost as though you are permanently blocking Edward, Jasper, and Alice. I can only assume you would also block any vampire whose gift extends to the mind."
I stole a quick glance at Alice. She was curled up into Jasper's side, her eyes sad.
"Alice… did you know this was going to happen?" Edward's voice broke the awkward silence.
She shook her head immediately. "No. Every time I looked into the future, I could see Bella, but in the strangest ways. I could never see her future. But I could see her, laughing and happy in our futures. I could see her in yours, Edward; I could see her in mine. So I knew the outcome was okay, I just wasn't sure why I couldn't see her future specifically." Her pretty face crumpled in anguish. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything before, I just… I genuinely didn't understand it."
"It's not your fault," I rushed to assure her. "None of us saw this coming. It's not an exact science, remember?" She gave me a quivering smile.
"I took the liberty of calling Eleazar," Carlisle spoke again. "Do you remember me telling you about him, Bella?"
A conversation from long ago with murky details swam fuzzily through my brain like a dream I hadn't tried to capture. "He understands gifts?"
"Yes. He'll be here in a few hours, he's coming alone. We thought it would be beneficial to give you and Edward some answers about this… turn of events as soon as possible. You'll meet the rest of his family soon as well."
I nodded my assent, hoping fervently that Eleazar would be able to give me insight about how to allow Edward back into my mind. I would have done anything to remedy the situation myself, but I genuinely didn't understand it at all. I didn't see my shield in my mind as I had before, so I didn't know why it would be blocking my family out now. And as Edward's anguish was my own… I would count the minutes until I could have him settled safely into my thoughts again.
"I also want you to understand, Bella, that it was necessary for us to arrange the accident scene so that it appeared you died there." Carlisle spoke with the greatest of sympathy, recognizing that this part would not be easy for me to hear. "Rosalie went back and took care of things there. It's something we've had to learn how to do over the years."
I blinked. "What about... my body?" I looked over at Rosalie, but she was silent and unmoving in Emmett's arms.
"There are ways of making it appear that an animal came across your remains, which would explain the absence of a body," Carlisle replied gently. "The truck was very hard to see from the road, based on the news reports I've been following, it was only just found yesterday evening. Although there has been some minimal investigation, it seems as though they'll be closing the case. It's being considered a tragic accident."
I took a deep breath. "I understand. What about the Quileutes?"
"As far as we know, they've accepted the story as well. In fact, they've organized a memorial service for you at La Push, open to the entire community."
"Maybe this was for the best, then," I whispered, looking at Edward. "I think… if I'd left there on my own, I always would have been looking over my shoulder, wondering if we would accidentally cross paths with them again."
Carlisle looked at Edward thoughtfully, and a moment later Edward shook his head. "Bella, Eleazar should be here in about three hours. If the two of you would like your privacy until then, we certainly understand. We can talk more after he arrives."
With that, the family left the room in pairs, leaving only myself, Edward, Rosalie and Emmett. Emmett finally stood with an exaggerated stretch and yawn. "I think I'll catch a few winks or something. I'll be waiting for you in bed, Rosie." He grinned at me. "Can't wait to challenge you to an arm-wrestling match tomorrow, sis. Newborn or no, I'll take you."
"You're on," I said automatically, but my eyes were on Rosalie, who was still sitting on the couch opposite.
The three of us were silent for a few minutes before she finally spoke, and her voice was rough. "Bella… I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry."
Edward growled quietly behind me, and I elbowed him in the ribs, feeling a spark of satisfaction when he grunted with the impact. "There's no apology needed, Rose. It was an accident."
"I honestly didn't think there was any danger in you driving to Forks alone," she said slowly. "And I'm sorry that you had to suffer because of my lack of foresight."
"It was a car accident, people have them every day. It could have happened to me the day before, or the day after, or never. In the end, it was just bad luck and deer."
"Deer?" Edward queried.
"Yes… I swerved to avoid two deer in the road." He growled again and I rolled my eyes. "Edward… the deer are long gone. Get over it."
Rosalie smiled faintly at me. "I wanted to apologize, but I also wanted to give you this." She uncurled from the couch and picked up my battered overnight bag from where it had been hidden behind the furniture. "Carlisle suggested that I remove any evidence that you were planning to spend the night in Forks. And… I made sure your journal was inside too."
My breath left me in one explosive gasp. My journal. My link, the tie I'd so carefully woven to help me remember every beautiful thing about my human life. Rosalie handed it to me and set the bag at my feet; the moment she straightened I leapt up and threw my arms around her in a tight hug.
She stood stiffly before squeezing me briefly in return. "I know how important it was to you, so I'm glad I was able to do that one little thing."
"It means the world to me. Thank you."
"You're welcome. I'll leave you two alone now." And with that, she darted from the room.
I stood for a moment more, looking at the leather journal in my hands, before slowly sinking back down into Edward's embrace. "I'm so glad…" I whispered.
"Yes, that was very thoughtful of her," he admitted grudgingly. "And she didn't say a word when you almost broke her in half."
"I… what?"
He chuckled. "Bella, you're a newborn, and as such, you're very strong. I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head when you hugged her."
"Oh." I felt a flutter of embarrassment. "I'll have to remember that."
"Definitely remember it when you're arm-wrestling Emmett tomorrow. You may as well teach him a lesson or two for as long as you're stronger. Just try not to break me, love."
"Hmm," I said thoughtfully, curling up closer to him. "This strength thing may have its advantages."
He stroked my cheek. "Indeed."
"What else do I need to know about being a newborn?"
Edward was quiet for a moment. "Your appearance has changed. You may be in for a surprise the first time you see a mirror… your eyes are red for now."
"Red?" I repeated, startled. "Why are they red?"
"All newborns' eyes are red, love, due to the amount of your own human blood still in your body. They'll turn gold like ours over time as you hunt animals."
At the mention of hunting, an uncomfortable tingle that had been tickling the back of my throat began to burn more steadily. "Do I need to hunt?"
"Yes." He continued to stroke my cheek and I focused on the comfort of his hand on my skin to distract me from the burn. "We don't really have time now, though, if Eleazar will be here in a few hours. I don't want to rush your first hunt, and Carlisle agrees."
"It hurts, Edward," I whispered, not wanting to complain, but the burn was growing steadily now that I'd acknowledged it.
A flicker of sadness went over his face before he responded. "I know, love. Carlisle and Esme are hunting now, for you. Your first meal will be from a cup, just enough to ease the burn for the time being."
"A cup? Geez, newborn indeed."
"I know… but your first hunting trip isn't going to be a quick thing. Especially since I'll probably tackle you to the ground in a fit of lust after watching you take down your first wild animal."
A more pleasurable burn was making itself known in my body now, and I fingered Edward's t-shirt. "Are newborns known for being insatiable?"
"Of course," he murmured against my ear, before giving it a sudden sharp bite. I squeaked and jerked upright in surprise, he was grinning at me.
"That's the first time I've been able to bite you like that, you know. I always had to be very careful to only nibble on you with my lips, not my teeth."
"I liked it," I breathed. "You can do it again anytime."
"You can bite me back too," he offered wickedly.
"I'll keep that in mind."
"Would you like us to have some privacy for a bit, Mrs. Cullen?"
"Very much so."
He pulled me to him tightly, crushing my lips to his before standing and gently setting my feet on the floor. "Shall we go explore our new home?"
"The cottage!"
"Yes, Esme finished it while we were out earlier." He took my hand in his and led me to the door. "She was fretting over some of the little things not being done, but I don't think we'll mind."
We stepped outside and again I was struck by the fact that although drifts of snow were everywhere, the air hitting my skin was comfortable, almost balmy. It would take some getting used to… just like Edward's lips being warm and soft to me now. I laughed a little.
He turned to look at me, a sad smile on his face. "What's funny, love? You have to tell me out loud now."
"I was just… thinking about how we were rolling around in the snow earlier and it wasn't cold."
"It was cold, just not to us," he corrected, pulling me close and wrapping his arms around my waist. "It takes a little getting used to."
I smiled and kissed him softly. "That's exactly what I was just thinking."
He sighed a little and rubbed his nose over my cheek. "That's something else that's going to take some getting used to." He didn't elaborate, but I understood what he meant, so I just held him close as he reached one hand up and placed it over my heart. The connection between us throbbed more intensely at the contact. "As long as I can still feel this," he said, and I realized he was talking to himself, not to me. "As long as this is there, I'll be okay."
"Yes," I whispered. I didn't tell him that being outside, with the rich scents of the forest surrounding us, was flooding my nose, increasing the burn in my throat exponentially. Instead I concentrated on him, willing the burn to the back of my mind where it smoldered instead of flared. I'd been too wrapped up in him during our previous expedition to notice all the smells that were mercilessly taunting me now.
He held me close for a long time, then bent and placed a careful kiss to the place on my throat where my pulse had once beat, the place where I knew I now bore the mark of his teeth. "Be patient with me, Bella," he said finally. "When I lost my ability to hear and feel you, I felt like I was losing you all over again. I feel as though I've lost one of my senses; that I lost the safest place I had in the world."
"You haven't lost it, I'm just quiet for a while, remember?" I kissed his forehead hard. "I refuse to believe that something I was able to manipulate so easily as a human is completely out of my control now. I probably just need to re-learn it."
"Yes," he whispered, and then kissed my throat again. After a moment he straightened and kissed me lightly on the lips. "Let's go see our new home."
The caretaker's cottage was approximately half a mile down the snowy drive, tucked back into the trees so it wasn't immediately visible. The path to the door had been shoveled, and soft light glowed cheerily from the windows. It wasn't a large structure, but it looked solid and comfortable.
Edward turned to me as we reached the door and quickly swept me up in his arms. "All the customs must be observed, of course." I laughed and hugged his neck as he opened the door and carried me over the threshold. He kissed me over and over again before reluctantly putting me down and shutting the door behind us. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder as I took my first look at our new home. Ours.
My first thought was that it was comfortable. The entire first floor was open and felt spacious. Wood floors with thick area rugs, simple but effective décor. There was a hearth where Esme had thoughtfully laid in a fire, the furniture was sturdy as befitted the environment, but cozy. The windows were surprisingly large for the room. I noted with delight that one whole wall was a bookshelf filled with endless rows of titles, along with much of Edward's music collection and even framed photographs from my apartment. I drifted over and looked for a long time at the photo of Charlie and me at La Push over Christmas, three days before his death. Jacob had taken the photo.
There was another one of Renee and Phil, and I felt a ripple of sorrow run through me as I gazed at their smiling faces. Edward's hands ran slowly over my sides. "I'm sorry this didn't all happen the way it was supposed to, love. More sorry than you know."
"No," I said quietly. "This is the way it's supposed to be. Not the way we'd planned or wanted, but the way it's meant to be. We were meant to be together like this."
"Yes," he acknowledged after a moment, turning my head and kissing my cheek. "Esme took out the kitchen, knowing we wouldn't have any use for it."
"All your Food Network lessons are no longer useful?" I asked wryly, appreciating his efforts to distract me.
"Unless you're the first vampire to fancy her dinner cooked, yes, I suppose so. But they were useful while it lasted. The extra room will be nice in case you decide to take up a hobby."
I eyed the extra space. "We could fit a piano there."
"You want a piano love? Then we shall have a piano. And I'll play for you every night, just as I promised."
"Do they deliver pianos all the way out here?"
He chuckled. "For the right price, they'll deliver anything anywhere. I'll take care of it tomorrow."
"Where's the bedroom?"
"Upstairs. I would take you on a personal guided tour right now, but…"
As if on cue, there was a soft knock at the door, and Edward smiled. "Your dinner has arrived."
He opened the door to reveal a smiling Esme. "It's rather unconventional, I know," she apologized, "But necessary this once." She stepped inside. "Do you like the cottage, Bella?"
"I love it already, Esme, even if I haven't seen the upstairs yet. It's perfect. Thank you so much for doing this for us."
"We can change things later on, if you like. For now, though, I just brought you this." She held out two large thermal travel mugs, the kind with lids that snapped on for spill-free driving. The sight was utterly incongruous and I almost laughed out loud… why would vampires have travel mugs? As she extended them to me, though, the faint scent from inside them hit me and the burn in my throat roared back to life, so fiercely that I immediately had to lock my muscles to keep from ripping the mugs out of her hands. The lighthearted atmosphere vanished as my teeth clenched together and an involuntary shudder went through my body. Edward reached out and took the mugs from her. My body didn't move but I followed him with my eyes, fixated on the scent that was the center of my universe now.
Esme said something else I couldn't hear, and then she was gone. Edward set one of the mugs down on a side table and approached me with the other one. There was a hollow roaring in my ears and my trembling increased as I fought with every ounce of strength not to lunge at him and tear the mug to pieces to get at what was inside.
"Carefully, love, hold it gently," he soothed, putting the mug in my hands. I ripped the lid off and the scent hit me full-force. I couldn't have stopped then for anything in the world, I brought it up to my lips and sucked greedily at the liquid inside.
I moaned the instant it touched my tongue: hot, thick, and salty, yet so very sweet at the same time. It ran down my eager throat, easing the burn that raged there, and I drank until the mug was empty. It was exquisite; it was everything I needed in that very moment. It was heaven in liquid form, something I hadn't realized I needed so badly until the first raw scent of it had hit me with the force of a wrecking ball.
Edward tried to pull the empty mug away from me, and I was surprised by the sudden proprietary growl that boiled up from deep inside of me.
"There's more, love, there's more. Let me help you." I allowed him to slip it out of my quivering hands, noticing that my fingers had left deep dents in the metal exterior of the mug. He handed me the second one, and I tried to go more slowly this time, but again it was like slipping into the most decadent of hypnotic trances. The feeling of the warmth sliding around inside my eager mouth, coating my tongue, providing a heady balm for the flames in my throat. I drank without stopping again until the mug was empty. I stood shivering, wanting to cry for more, as Edward put the mug down beside the first and pulled me into his arms.
"Better?"
"I want more," I whimpered, hating myself for sounding so pitiful, but desperately needing more of the thick, rich goodness that I knew was blood. This was bloodlust then; this undeniable need for something that had horrified me in my human life. I wanted to rip the metal cups apart to get at the inside, to lick them until every last trace was gone.
"You can have more, love, you can have all you want. This was just to help you with the burn. We'll leave to hunt immediately after we're done talking to Eleazar."
I licked my lips and his eyes followed the movement of my tongue. "What was it?"
"Bear, I think. Did you like it?"
"Yes," I whispered, my shivering easing a little. "It was good."
"It's even better when you hunt it yourself," he murmured against my ear. "I can't wait to see that. But for now…" I gasped as he brought his face around and delicately licked at the corner of my mouth. "You missed a spot, love."
I moaned and then spoke against his lips. "Are you hungry?"
"I'm hungry for you, for another taste of your body."
I could see his eyes were black now, and I wondered if mine were as well. "I don't want to hunt or to meet Eleazar. I want you, Edward, now."
I felt the growl rumble up from his chest, and in an instant I was flat on my back in front of the fireplace, lying on a decadent, thick wooly rug. He had my dress off in the next second, ripping it from my body this time, as his lips burned over my skin, giving me almost everything I needed… but more.
A/N: So Bella likes the blood…that's good to know. And Edward can't read her mind now…that's kinda sad to know! Why do you think that is? Anyone who guesses correctly gets a shout-out in the next chapter!
So the good news just keeps on rolling in…last Friday I found out that I'd been featured on the Perv Pack Smut Shack's Roundtable Recommendation! You could have knocked me over with a feather…especially when I found out the evil cliffie had been a source of much grumpy transatlantic discussion, gnashing of teeth and so on! Check out the article here: www(DOT)pervpackssmutshack(DOT)com/2010/01/i-dont-believe-in-vampires-by-lazykate(DOT)html And if you don't already follow these deliciously-decadent ladies…start now. Seriously. I at least try everything they recommend.
One item of note…there will NOT be a new chapter of IDBiV next week! Before you start sending me hate mail, please know it's because I've already started working on the Holy Grail of my outtakes story…Chapter One from EPOV! I know how many of you have been waiting for this, and I want to do it justice, so I'll be focusing all my writing mojo on what Edward was up to that fateful night…if you don't have the outtakes story or me on your alerts, you may want to sign up so you don't miss it!
Finally, mucho thanks as always to the super-beta Stratan, and to both Brits and Amy for talking me down off the ledge over this chapter. For serious.