Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.

Chapter Seventeen

Although I hadn't been given the opportunity to think much about it, Eleazar was nothing as I expected. He was tall with dark hair and faintly-olive skin under his pallor, calm, quiet eyes and a gentle smile. He clasped my hand firmly, his topaz eyes searching mine deeply.

"Bella, it's an unexpected pleasure to meet you so soon."

"Likewise," I murmured. I desperately hoped that the kind vampire before me would help me understand my shield and how to manipulate it again, but part of me was afraid of his answer. What if I would never be able to let Edward back in again? Although I knew it affected him more profoundly than I, I'd grown accustomed to the easy comfort of his presence in my mind and the thought of losing it for eternity was more than slightly alarming.

"You'll meet the rest of my family very soon," Eleazar continued easily as we sat down in Carlisle's office. Edward sat just to my left, clasping my hand tightly in his, Eleazar faced me, and Carlisle was behind his desk. "Needless to say they're very excited to meet you; we have been close friends with the Cullens for many, many years, and look forward to getting to know you as well."

I smiled, feeling more at ease. "Thank you, I appreciate that."

Eleazar sat back in his chair. "Have Carlisle or Edward told you anything about me?"

"Only that you can understand a vampire's gift more clearly, and that you might be able to help me understand mine."

"Yes. It's not foolproof, especially in cases such as yours, but let's see what we can figure out. Now, Carlisle has told me that Edward was never able to read your mind completely, is that accurate?"

I took a deep breath and Edward squeezed my hand. "Yes, he could only ever really read my mind when he was looking into my eyes."

"Otherwise I would sense her mood or emotions in a more empathic sense," Edward added. "If she was extremely relaxed, I could catch small fragments of her thoughts without eye contact, but that was infrequent."

"And then the family started mentioning something about blocking him, just in passing. About how they'll occupy their mind with something else to keep him from reading their thoughts. Alice especially." I smiled at my husband. "So one day I tried to imagine a wall around my mind… not a wall exactly, more of a force field, as goofy as that sounds. And when I did that, Edward was blocked out completely… he couldn't sense my feelings or read my mind at all. So I started practicing with it, and it got easier to raise and lower it; I imagined it as an actual shield."

"And your shield was effective against Alice and Jasper's abilities as well?"

"Yes."

Eleazar nodded slightly. "I myself can sense absolutely nothing from you, Bella. Were it not for the fact that I see you before me, and can hear your voice, I would almost believe you weren't there at all."

Edward shifted unhappily next to me. "She had her shield up at the time of the accident and during her change as well. Could that have caused this?"

I looked at him, puzzled. "No, I didn't."

"What?"

"I mean… yes, I had it up just before the accident, I do remember that, but I got it down. And I wasn't trying to shield myself during my change, not with my mind. I would never have done that to you."

Edward was staring at me, completely confused now. "But you were blocking me…"

"I wonder…" Carlisle mused, "If that was the point at which her subconscious shielding began. Do you remember when you first realized she was blocking you out?"

"Not precisely, but it was after we got here."

"I was trying to be quiet," I said softly, "I didn't want you to worry more than you already were. But I wouldn't have blocked you out of my mind, not knowing how much you hated it."

Edward looked completely stunned. "So at some point during your change…"

"Her gift strengthened and solidified enough to block you out." Eleazar leaned forward, elbows on knees, his chin resting on his fingertips. "Interesting."

"Why is that?" Edward asked urgently. "Why was she able to recognize and control it so easily as a human, but not at all now? That doesn't make sense!"

Eleazar sat back and was quiet for a moment before speaking. "Let me first tell you about some of the shields I've encountered. They're not exceptionally rare amongst our kind, in general, although the characteristics of each one often vary. Some are physical shields, where they can literally repel your body away."

"Like Renata," Carlisle said, and Eleazar nodded.

"One of the bodyguards for the Volturi has the ability to will you away from her, or from the one she's protecting. You would literally be unable to get close enough to touch her. Other shields protect the mind in general, some protect against only certain gifts. Obviously they're hard for me to define since, by their very nature, a shield blocks me out."

He smiled kindly at me. "Your shield in particular seems to be very strong, protecting you not just from others' gifts, but from detection as well. As I mentioned before, if I closed my eyes I would truly believe there were only three vampires in this room. Even without a gift, vampires have the ability to sense when another of our kind is near. You though, almost seem… invisible."

Edward's grip was tightening on my hand. "So why can't she control it?"

Eleazar shook his head. "You know as well as I do that the gifts we bring over from our human lives are strengthened and amplified after our change. A shield is purely a defensive mechanism. Right now, hers is wrapped so tightly around her, I'm not at all surprised she doesn't have the ability to manipulate it."

A heavy silence fell over the room. Edward looked incredulous. "But that doesn't… she could control it before…"

"She was probably controlling a very tiny part of it, Edward. Perhaps the only part she was conscious of was the only part she was capable of controlling."

"Like an iceberg," I whispered, faintly remembering words from long ago, although I had no idea who'd said them to me.

"Exactly," Eleazar agreed. "Her gift may have seemed surprisingly strong as a human, but it's exponentially stronger now. Beyond her ability to control it for now."

"So… what do we do?" Edward asked after a moment. He sounded shell-shocked.

"It's not a disease to be cured, Edward," Carlisle said gently. "She's a newborn. You can't expect her to have the control that it takes others decades or centuries to achieve."

Edward scowled, and I could tell he wanted to argue the point, so I quickly interjected. "How do I go about learning more about it?"

Eleazar looked thoughtful. "My experience with shields has been in passing. The only one I knew for any length of time was Renata, the others that I've encountered were nomads. You could certainly visit the Volturi to see if they could help you gain a greater understanding of your gift and how to manipulate it. Of course, over time, you'll also learn by trial and error, just as you did as a human."

"As a newborn, visiting the Volturi at this time is out of the question," Carlisle said firmly, probably seeing the excitement in Edward's eyes. "Bella is not even a full day old yet, she's still getting used to her new life, and it goes without saying that taking her out where she may encounter humans is impossible right now."

"Agreed," Eleazar replied immediately. "It's enough to know that, although your change did not go according to plan, you are safe and sound now. Have you hunted yet?"

"She has fed," Edward answered for me. "But we're going on her first hunt immediately after this." At his words, the faint burn in my throat became more insistent again, and I was immediately sidetracked by the thought of the blood I'd drunk earlier. More, I needed more of that.

"Why don't you go now," Carlisle suggested. "Eleazar and I will be here when you return. In the meantime, Bella, let your instincts guide you. Good luck on your first hunt."

"Thank you," I said over my shoulder, as Edward tugged me from the room. He had a scowl on his face.

"That wasn't exactly the response I was hoping for," he muttered.

I took a deep breath, still somewhat astonished at the utter lack of needing to do so. "Can we go hunt now, please?"

"Of course, love, I'm sorry. Do you want to change before we go?"

I shrugged and looked down. I was wearing a short black dress now, since Edward had ripped my white one from me earlier. We'd found a small amount of clothing in our cottage for me, but Edward assured me that Alice had already ordered a completely new and extensive wardrobe for me. "Am I going to get dirty?"

"I can't promise you won't."

"This is fine then. I just want to get out there… it burns."

Edward smiled a little as we left the house hand-in-hand. "What are you in the mood for?"

"I don't care… something, anything. Am I going to know what to do?"

"Yes," he assured me immediately. "You may feel as though you're out of control, but that's just your newborn instincts. Do what feels natural to you, you'll do it automatically."

I ran my tongue back and forth over my lips, smelling and tasting the tantalizing mystery of the forest around us. "Don't let me do anything stupid."

"Like what?" he laughed at me, pulling my hand until we were both running.

Like waking up from a long sleep, my muscles stretched and the pleasure of their movement was intoxicating. Despite the fact that it was pitch-black, and we were running full-out through a thick forest, I felt no hesitation, no worry. I could see every obstacle ahead of and around us, and I didn't even have to think as my feet simply placed themselves where they needed to be, propelling me onwards. I shrieked with delight as we jumped over a fallen tree, giving it no more forethought than our steps on level ground.

Edward's laughter floated back to me and I tugged my hand from his, willing my legs to move faster. They obeyed readily and I immediately shot past him, giggling as I ducked and dodged around the trees. "Catch me if you can!" I yelled back at him, not winded in the slightest by our run.

There was a growl from behind me. "You really shouldn't have said that, love!" he called back, and in the next moment there was a whoosh behind me and Edward's arms were around my waist, tackling me headfirst into a deep snow bank. We emerged laughing like children, and I only laughed harder when I saw that he was covered head-to-toe with snow.

"You look like... Frosty the Snowman!" I said between giggles.

"And you look like a snow-cone," he countered, playfully pushing me back down into the drift. It collapsed around us, so for a moment, we were completely buried in white; a perfectly pristine silent world. His face and lips were inches from mine, and I immediately took advantage, kissing him thoroughly.

"We're supposed to be hunting," he mumbled.

"We were hunting, until you tackled me," I reminded him, slipping my arms around his neck. The burn in my throat was still there, but was pushed back by my yearning to have him again.

"It's your fault," he complained, planting hard wet kisses against my neck.

I threw my head back and laughed. "I told you to catch me, not bury us in a snowdrift."

"I could build you an igloo instead," he offered.

"I don't need an igloo, I need you."

"Hmm," he looked thoughtful for a moment. "I know what else you need."

"What?"

He gathered me into his arms and pulled us up slightly. "Listen," he whispered against my ear.

It took a moment before I could wrench my attention away from him, but when I did, I noticed it immediately: heavy, plodding footsteps and a sound I hadn't heard for some time: a heartbeat. There was also the scent coming from that direction, and it was unappealing, my nose wrinkled automatically against the smell, but the sound of the heartbeat grew until I could actually hear blood slushing through the veins.

I was completely frozen with Edward's arms around me, his lips against my ear. If he didn't release me soon, I would throw him off, I knew I would. I wouldn't be able to stop myself. The sound of the blood… I could hear every single drop as it scraped along the walls of the creature's veins and arteries, I could smell it through the thick fur. The burn in my throat exploded until it completely pushed my brain and its rational thought into the background.

Edward's restraining arms released me immediately when I moved against him, and I launched myself in the direction of the sound, the blood. I was on the creature in a millisecond, my arms wrapping around its head, allowing the weight of my body to swing around, snapping its neck and simultaneously bringing my mouth down to where the blood pounded the closest. In a split second my bared teeth tore through hide even as my nose wrinkled again at the smell. And then…

The sweet taste was in my mouth, and it was hot, and it was everything I needed. I moaned involuntarily, pushing harder, falling down on top of the creature as its legs buckled, sucking more fiercely as gulp after gulp went down my throat. The burn there abated slightly with each swallow, and when I could draw forth nothing more, I sat there, dazed.

"Bella," came a quiet voice from behind me, and I blinked, coming back to myself.

"What was that?" I heard myself ask from far away, looking down at the heavy head that rested on the snow before me.

Edward reached down and gently pulled me to my feet. "An adult moose. I'm truly impressed."

"I ate a moose?" I asked, looking at the limp figure on the ground before me.

"Well, you drained a moose, yes. The whole thing, no less. Did you like it?"

I was still staring at the corpse in front of me, slowly realizing that I'd done that. "Yes… and no. I didn't like the smell. And it wasn't as good as what you gave me before."

"We'll find a small carnivore for you, then. Their blood is more appealing than an herbivore's. You must be almost full, though."

I closed my eyes. I did feel full, but it wasn't unpleasant. And the burn was still there in my throat, only somewhat sated. "How did I do?"

"You hunt like a mountain lion, love. I was expecting to have to help you for your first time, but you knew exactly what to do."

"Do we just… leave it there?"

"Yes, there are plenty of scavengers that will be at it as soon as we leave. It's nature's way."

Edward pulled me away and we walked further into the forest, our playful mood from earlier now gone. Part of me deep down was shocked that I'd so easily killed a living creature, but that part was easily eclipsed by the need that still burned in my throat. More so, I was stunned at the power I'd displayed… that little Bella was capable of such a thing. The burn had completely overtaken any rational thought; I'd even been willing to throw Edward aside if he hadn't released me when I did. And then to tackle such an enormous creature without a second thought, to snap its neck as easily as a twig…

With a little help from Edward, I caught and drained a lynx and he was right… a carnivore was appealing to me, and the blood from the much-smaller creature satiated me more than the entire moose had. I watched quietly from under a tree as Edward quickly took down a grizzly for himself. He moved with a much greater ease than I knew I did, assured that his prey wasn't going anywhere after he targeted it.

He smiled after he finished and returned to me. "Still hungry?"

"Yes… no… I don't know," I replied, feeling frustrated. "I feel full, but the burning is still there. I want it even if I don't think I can physically hold any more."

"I know," he said softly, reaching out to pull me into his arms. "It never does go away, completely."

"Nothing ever gets rid of it?"

He kissed the top of my head. "It's like a human's stomach growling, you couldn't have gone for very long without eating before getting a cramp in your stomach, right?"

I had a feeling he was dodging my question and I glared up at him. Edward sighed, knowing what I meant even without reading my mind. "Human blood satisfies it more, yes. But we both know you don't want that."

"No," I replied quietly.

He held me close for a time, and then tilted my head back to kiss my lips. "I want to show you something. Come on."

Taking my hand in his, he guided me through the forest, both of us walking slowly now. My confusion from earlier was still there, and after a while I broke our silence.

"Edward… when I went after that moose, it was like I wasn't in control at all. I didn't even know what I attacked."

"Yes," he agreed.

"Is it always like that?"

He rubbed his thumb reassuringly over my hand. "It gets easier, I promise. Right now, your new body and mind are being controlled by instinct in many ways, and that includes the instinct to feed. That instinct ensures your strength and your survival. As time goes on, it will become easier to control it. As long as you don't let yourself get too hungry, the urgency won't be as strong."

"What about humans?"

"The thirst for human blood is stronger, which is why we've made plans to stay here for some time, to allow you to adapt to everything before we start introducing you back into their world."

"How long?"

He shrugged. "As long as it takes, my love. There is no hurry. We have forever ahead of us now."

I was quiet for a moment. "If that had been a human back there, I would have killed it?"

Edward squeezed my hand before replying. "You would have tried."

"I wouldn't have even… thought about it or… stopped to realize I was committing murder?"

"I would have stopped you, love."

"Could you have stopped me?" I asked, remembering what he'd said about newborn strength.

"I would hope so," he said calmly. "Besides, nothing like that will happen. We're miles and miles from any humans, and Alice will see you… or rather me, if anything is going to go wrong."

I shuddered, truly realizing for the first time what it meant for me to be invisible to Alice's gift of foresight and the protection it provided. "One of you will have to be with me all the time…"

Edward smiled down at me. "What do you mean one of us? I'll be with you every second of every day if you want me there."

"Of course I do," I replied softly. "I just didn't realize…" My words stuck in my throat.

"How overpowering the bloodlust would be?" he finished for me, stopping and turning me to face him. I nodded, an overwhelming sense of shame flooding through me.

"I just… attacked it. I didn't even think… and I would have thrown you off of me. I wanted it so badly. I can't even say I wanted it, I needed it, like it wasn't a choice!" I was babbling now. "The fact that you could be with a human in every way and never attacked me… I guess I figured it would be mind over matter, that if I just kept control, it wouldn't be that bad. I couldn't have stopped back there for the world, Edward, and I'm scared! What if I do something horrible? What if I get away? You won't be able to find me!" My entire body was shaking now, and I knew if I was still physically capable of crying, I would be.

Edward pulled me tight against his chest. "Love, my love… I understand everything you're saying. I wish I could take away all those fears from your mind, but all I can do is reassure you that your entire family will do everything we possibly can to keep you safe. I hadn't intended on letting you out of my sight for at least a decade anyway, and Alice can keep an eye on you through us. We won't let anything happen."

"How can you stand to be around humans? If it's worse than that was?"

"Bella, I've been a vampire for over ninety years," he said softly. "I was a newborn once, too. And each of us is different… Jasper has been a vampire much longer than Emmett, but struggles more with his control around humans. And then you have Carlisle, who was able to control his thirst from the very beginning. You at least had foreknowledge about what this life would be like, and you are much more controlled right now than most newborns. The fact that you and I made love before your first hunt is a testament to that. I'd half-expected you to take off into the forest when we were here earlier."

I shuddered in his arms. "I'm afraid of myself."

"I know."

"I have the physical ability to kill a human being… multiple human beings, and the urge to do it."

"Not the opportunity, however," he soothed. "I will never let that happen to you. You are too beautiful and too good to feel the guilt of such a thing."

"But I'm a monster to even want it."

Edward was quiet for a while, gently stroking my back. When he spoke again, sorrow was heavy in his voice. "I felt that way for a long time too, Bella. Not only did I want to murder, I did murder. I told myself it was acceptable because I only hunted those that were predators like me, those who would hurt or kill innocents. After a while, though, my definition of 'predator' became more lax. I was justifying murder to myself, of course.

"When I couldn't stand the guilt any longer, I returned to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me back wholeheartedly, without a mention of my misdeeds, and that only added to my guilt. I didn't deserve their love or acceptance, but they gave it to me anyway. And I've fought, to some degree, every single day since then to keep from giving in to what every instinct tells me to do.

"And then I met you. Not only did I want to take your life, I decided I wanted you for my own. I knew you deserved so much better than a soulless monster like me, but I selfishly pursued you anyway." I started to protest, but he placed his finger over my lips and continued. "I didn't deserve you, but I wanted you, and I set out to have you. I was beyond guilt at that point, Bella. I hated myself. If it were even remotely possible for a vampire to commit suicide, I would have done it. I didn't deserve to live, and I certainly didn't deserve you. I was evil and beyond redemption, in my eyes."

"No," I mumbled into his chest, but he continued on.

"The only thing that was able to change my mind, after ninety years of self-loathing, was you Bella. I loved you, and I was going to do whatever was necessary to have you, but then you loved me back. And anyone as good as you could never love a soulless creature. I have past sins that I may have to answer for some day, but I no longer believe I'm a monster. And Bella," he placed both hands on either side of my face and tilted my head back so I was forced to meet his gaze. "I will not allow you to believe you are a monster either. Your soul is pure and perfect. Mine may be tarnished, but I now believe it's still there."

"Why didn't you tell me all this before?" I whispered.

He smiled, gently stroking my cheeks with his warm fingers. "I did tell you some of it, you just don't remember yet. But the rest… you wouldn't have believed it. You only saw the good in us, Bella."

"I still only see the good in you," I replied stubbornly.

"So you understand why I will never allow you to consider yourself ugly or evil or damned. Everyone in the world has something they struggle against, my love, whether it is hurting others, stealing, lying, cheating, or any other number of sins. As long as we endeavor to fight those urges, we aren't monsters. Do you understand?"

I thought about his words for a long time, logically they did make sense. "I have you to help me fight them, though."

"We all help each other," he corrected. "We all have our moments of weakness, except probably for Carlisle because he's as close to a saint as one of our kind can be. If Jasper, or Emmett, or Rosalie, or any of the others needs help, you'll be there for them, giving them strength. We're a family, we depend on each other. You are my strength, and I will be yours."

This feeling of crying without tears was strange, and I buried my face further into his chest. "I love you so much. I can't… I can't even express…"

"I understand everything you're feeling, my love," he crooned softly, kissing the top of my head. "I wish I could get into that beautiful head of yours so I could make that statement completely true, but I do understand."

I pulled back a little from him. "Is it… that horrible?"

"What?"

"Not being able to read my mind." I bit my lip.

"It's strange and more than a little disconcerting, but…" he studied my face, and then suddenly his eyes went wide. "You don't think I feel any differently for you because of it, do you?"

"I don't think so…"

"Bella!" His hand was under my chin in a flash. "I would still love you with every single part of my being even if you had chosen to block me out. I do not love you any less or any differently because of it."

I wrapped my arms around his waist. "You were so upset… and so determined to find a way around it…"

He dropped his hand and then crushed me to him, hard. "My love, I am so sorry. I had no idea that I was being so insistent, or that it would come across that way. If we never find a way for me to get back into your mind again, so be it. As long as you tell me what you're thinking, that's good enough for me."

"I liked you in my mind," I said, standing on my tiptoes to kiss his chin. "I want you back in there too."

"I won't deny that I'm desperate for it," he admitted, and then leaned over to press gentle kisses to my forehead, my cheeks, my nose. "Everything happened so fast, so unexpectedly, that it was the final ultimate shock, and I handled it very badly."

"No," I said thoughtfully. "You said the same thing that Eleazar said… that I'm silent, as if I'm not there."

"I wondered about that too. I can feel you, but I'm sure that's the connection we have anyway. To hear that you're practically invisible to other vampires is something to think about, though."

"Stealth-Bella." I smiled against his lips. "This could be fun when I sneak up on Emmett."

"Oh yes," he agreed, chuckling. "You have a distinct edge anyway, but sneaking up on him will really piss him off."

"Rosalie won't kick my ass for it?"

"She kicks his ass on a regular basis, I assure you," he murmured, before pressing for a deeper kiss. "Although, I must say, their antics are the last thing on my mind at the moment."

I wiggled my hips against the hard length of him, pressed against my abdomen. "Is this on your mind?"

"Unquestionably," he growled softly.

"We seem to have a thing for making love in the forest, Mr. Cullen."

"Hmmm…" was his only response, warm against my neck.

"So if a tree falls in the forest when no one else is around…"

"…Edward and Bella are otherwise occupied," he chuckled, his hands molding my body against him.

"God," I gasped as he ground against me. "Will I ever get enough of this?"

"I hope not," he muttered, dropping to the ground suddenly, carrying me with him so that I ended up straddling his pelvis. A faint memory flickered far back in my memory of us in this position before, in a meadow far away. I bent forward and kissed him hard, letting all the emotions that swirled deep inside come up to the surface; a forceful edge that hadn't been there before. He moaned approvingly, thrusting his tongue between my lips even as his hands pulled me down firmly on his arousal.

I wriggled hard against him before tugging his shirt up over his head, and then went to work on his jeans, trying to be mindful of my newborn strength. He put his hands behind his head and grinned at me as I tugged his jeans and boxers down, pausing in frustration to untie his shoes and yank those off as well.

"What's so funny?" I snapped, before standing and gingerly pulling my dress over my head. I'd chosen to forego undergarments when I'd dressed earlier.

"You, trying to be careful. You may be stronger than I am, but I'm not breakable, Bella."

"I was being considerate of your clothing, my dear. I haven't even started on your body yet."

Edward quirked an eyebrow at me, and in a flash I'd straddled his pelvis again, snatching his hands from under his head and pinning them the ground next to my calves. "Go ahead, try and get away from me now."

He tugged against my hands, exerting more effort when I matched his attempts evenly. I was careful not to push or squeeze too hard, only pinning him down firmly enough to prevent his escape. At the same time I ground my heat against his hardness in a slow deliberate circle. "What's wrong, Mr. Cullen?"

"It would appear," he said slowly, heat in his eyes, "That my wife has the upper hand at the moment."

"Indeed," I replied sweetly, rubbing slowly up and down his length, letting him feel exactly how hot and wet I was for him. "I wonder exactly how I can work this to my advantage?"

Edward's black eyes burned up at me. "I can think of several ways."

"I'm sure you could. But I have several ideas of my own." Another memory, of teasing Edward, of pleasure that faded into blackness from the intensity.

I angled my body forward so that just the tip of him met my heat, still keeping his hands pinned to the ground. He groaned at the contact and his hips bucked up, seeking a deeper entry. Immediately I positioned the tops of my feet on his thighs to hold him down, knees digging into the snow, wrists still in my hands. "No need to hurry, now."

He growled something incomprehensible, and I slowly began to inch my way down his length, enjoying every bit of him sliding into me. Our lovemaking since my change had been frantic in its intensity, almost as though we were trying to reassure ourselves into this new situation, but I wanted no rush this time. Edward had felt exquisite each and every time he'd entered me, but this time I shut my eyes and focused everything on the sensation of him slowly filling me, stretching me, pushing onward until we were both moaning from the burning pleasure that never peaked, but just kept building.

When I'd finally settled flush against his hips, I undulated slowly against him and he gasped in response. "Oh God, oh Bella…"

Keeping my hands firm around his wrists, I lifted them from the snow and pressed his palms against my breasts, whimpering as the familiar contact of his skin against mine was made. The hardening and differences within my body hadn't changed my reaction to him at all, and I arched into his hands as his fingers tightened around me. The leverage he gained there pushed me further down onto his length, and I cried out as an electric response jolted through me.

His hands were on my breasts and mine were on his forearms as I moved against him, first slowly, and then with a fierceness and speed that soon had me screaming my delight against the snow and the trees and the vast starry skies above us. The push and pull between us became hotter until his hands finally slipped down to my hips, yanking me against him with a force he never would have attempted while I was human, crying out my name as he found his release far deep inside of me.

***

Although I was inclined to stay there with him for the rest of the night, or day, or whatever counted for the passing time in Alaska, Edward finally insisted that we get up and dress again, maintaining that we had to continue on to whatever it was he had to show me. Although what it could be in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness was beyond me, I grudgingly pulling my black dress on again, taking his hand and letting him lead me.

We walked again for miles, finally coming to an incline which we easily ascended, to a sudden break in the trees surrounding us. I gasped in surprise, but he pulled me over to the center of the little snow-covered meadow, to where a small canvas knapsack sat.

"I will confess to having Alice's help with this part," he admitted, setting it to one side before sitting down and tugging me to sit between his legs. I leaned happily back against his chest and nuzzled my face into his neck.

"What are we here for?"

"Several things, love." His lips were moving gently over my earlobe, then down my neck to where it met my shoulder. "Do you trust me?"

"That's a silly question," I scoffed.

"You didn't answer me."

"Yes, Edward, I trust you with my life."

"Then close your eyes… and lean back against me."

I did so, and he slowly reclined until I felt that he was propped up on his elbows, his chest hard and firm under my upper body. I was cradled between his thighs and stretched my legs out between his, humming happily at the contact between us. There was a long silence and then he kissed the top of my head.

"Only a few days ago, if you can believe it, you and I were married. Only a few days before that, you asked me to make you immortal, to be by my side for all eternity. And only a few days before that, you gave yourself to me, body and soul, more completely than I ever could have hoped or dreamed for." He was quiet for a moment. "So many of our plans have been upended through no fault of our own, but the constant throughout it all is my love for you, and yours for me."

His left hand gently moved to where mine rested on his thigh. "I put these rings on your finger once, and fate forced us to remove them." His hand carefully moved under my own, slipping something over my finger. "Now I'm putting them on you once again, and I swear before God, nothing will ever make me remove them again. I'll make my vows to you again, Isabella Marie Cullen, you are my wife, and nothing will separate us. Open your eyes, Bella."

I did, and the first thing that filled my sight were vibrant swaths of blue, green, and red, streaked across the night sky so close above that it seemed as though we were floating amongst them. I gasped involuntarily, and then looked down to see the soft lights reflecting in the engagement and wedding bands on my finger.

"People have long believed the aurora borealis to be a sign from God," Edward continued quickly. "And, although I married you once, and meant every word I said at that time, I wanted to renew that commitment to you where it's just you, I, and God to witness it."

"How…" I choked out finally. When the first thoughts of my missing rings had penetrated my new mind, I'd assumed they'd been lost in the accident.

"Rosalie found them in the truck," he replied quietly.

I sucked in a deep breath as emotion roared inside of me. The concussion of our two lives meeting, the former and the current, like two different timelines exploding against each other. It was almost my undoing. Edward held me close as I shook against him, murmuring his love into my ear, understanding as no one else could what emotions were wracking me at that moment. When I finally stilled against him, he smoothed my hair back from my face and kissed my forehead.

"Do you remember how I promised you that I'd get something else for the chain that Alice bought you? Well, I went out the next day and did just that, because of course, I knew that those rings would be off your neck around on your finger again."

He handed me a gold locket, draping the Cartier chain Alice had purchased over the back of my hand. I hesitated, but his kisses urged me on, and I carefully pressed the tiny release on the side to reveal two pictures: one of Renee and Phil; one of Charlie.

"I figured you didn't need a picture of me, since I'll be right there with you every single day," he whispered. "This is just when you want to carry a reminder of those in your heart, close to your heart." He pulled the delicate chain over my head and in the next moment I'd thrown my arms around his neck, my lips muffled against his skin.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you. I…"

"I love you too," he whispered, before silencing me with his lips against mine. After a short time, he pulled me back squarely against his chest and kissed the back of my head. "There's just one other thing I want to give back to you, here, tonight, although Rosalie stole my thunder a bit. I can't really fault her though…" He gently laid my journal on my lap. "I want you to read this tonight. Not aloud, but I want you to read it every single night until the memories are firm in your mind because I know better than anyone how important that was to you."

I sucked in a deep breath and opened the front cover, seeing the verse and declaration of love he'd inscribed there. My memories of my journal were both sharp and fuzzy… I clearly remembered receiving it, and its importance, but what I'd written in it wouldn't immediately come to mind. I was grateful that Edward had foreseen this, had known how important our memories were to me, and was dedicated to firmly implanting them in my memory.

Our two lifetimes: before and after. Before was in the book in my hand and the locket around my neck, after was in the rings on my finger and the arms holding me tight.

A/N: I apologize in advance for the long A/N, I'll try not to be overly wordy!

First off, voting for the Indie Twific Awards is now open! IDBiV is nominated in the "Canon or AU Story That Knocks You Off Your Feet" category, but there are a TON of awesome fics over there! You can vote for up to ten per category, so please do go check it out here: www(DOT)theindietwificawards(DOT)com (or just Google 'Indie Twific')

Second, you all know that I LOVE replying to reviews, but RL has kicked me squarely in the ass over the past couple of weeks, so I haven't been able to keep up. Please know that for every kind word you leave, all of you who told me you stayed up until the wee hours of the night/were late for work/read it in one sitting, YOUR WORDS mean more to me than I can ever express. Thank you for every single review you leave me, from the bottom of my heart!

Third, Edward's memories in this chapter of his own "dark time" were inspired by my dear friend Lolarosa's fic Macabre. It's gorgeously dark and starkly honest, I urge you to go check it out and leave her some love! www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/5501651/1/

Fourth, did you catch the EPOV outtake of Chapter One? It's here: www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/s/5640925/2/IDBiV_Outtakes_Oneshots

Fifth, thanks for the "If a tree falls in the woods" joke goes to LondonGoth! (She told it better than I did, though!)

And finally, mad props to those of you who correctly guessed why Edward is no longer able to read Bella's mind! A shout-out to TwiGleekGirl89, arden8283, SiriuslyWyckedDream, GrayMatters, Bluecanoe, Airekel, DodgerMcClure, maggiejoma, london spam, RosaBella75, PJ Austin, Bammers, Rebadams7, eclipse4ever, wandb, Edmet, and tahughes!!!!!!