Unapologize

By: PricklySare

A/N: As always thanks to those of you who have commented on this story and I may have missed while responding! Each of your reviews make my day! I give another shout out to my girl, M! You are awesome. I couldn't have found a better beta. Look out world. --Sare

Chapter Thirteen: Steph's POV

The girls and I ended up at an all night mom and pop diner on the outskirts of Trenton. The car ride there had been relatively quiet except for the pounding bass coming from Lula's system. I was lost in my thoughts, and I'm pretty sure they were just confused by my behavior. I didn't blame them. I was confused by my behavior too.

Where had the Wonder Woman in me come from? I had thrown caution to the wind, teased, tormented, and played the game that Ranger excelled at...and I'd enjoyed every minute of it. For the first time in my life I'd done what I wanted without regard to what others would think. I found freedom tonight, and it was liberating. Telling Val off had just been the icing. Unfortunately, that is where the problem laid. Damn my luck.

I couldn't believe that I'd forgotten the wire, hell, that Ranger had forgotten the wire! I knew he'd forgotten it, and hadn't left it behind out of a misplaced need to know everything that happened in my life. The fact that it never occurred to me that he could have left it on purpose showed how much I trusted him. I was full of revelations tonight. So, if I trusted him so much, why did I freak-out and run when I realized he and the guys had actually heard everything I'd said? Something to think about, and figure out, before I faced him in the morning. Morning was soon enough to tackle that. Somehow I knew he wouldn't be waiting for me in my apartment when I returned home, and I buried the little twinge of sadness that threatened my heart.

We were sitting in a booth sipping on coke and working our way through a plate of mozzarella sticks before anyone actually spoke. Apparently, Lula was going to be the spokesperson for my friends tonight. Go figure. "Where's Stephanie Plum, and what did you do with her?"

I weighed the pros and cons of playing stupid, and decided that the truth seemed to be working well for me tonight. "Honestly? I think she's left the building. Vacation I think. It's a tiring job being everybody's whipping post." Okay, so maybe there was a tinge of bitterness to that statement. I wasn't going to worry about it. It'd been a long night already.

"I don't know what you said to that skinny bitch, but you looked like you were giving it to her with both barrels," Lula said.

I felt a smile tug at my lips as I remembered the overwhelming feeling of freedom, of flying; I had when I finally let it all out. All those years of being the disappointment flew off me like leaves on the wind. It was liberating. "What happened?" Connie asked, dipping a mozzarella stick into the thick marinara sauce.

"Well," I said, wiping sauce off my chin with a finger and licking it clean. "I finally told Val how life really was, and she didn't appreciate it. Needless to say, the 'Burg grapevine will be in full swing by now, and it isn't going to be pretty." Two sets of eyes were focused on me and I'm pretty sure neither of them blinked. "What?" I finally asked.

"Details! Don't leave anything out," Connie said.

"'Member, I'll know if you're leaving stuff out," added Lula.

For the next hour I explained the conversation, if you could call it that, between Val and me. They asked questions, and some of them I actually answered. I decided that they didn't need to know the parts that involved naked Ranger. After all, I thought enough people had heard about our sexual exploits for one night.

"You actually just disowned your family? Just like that?" Connie asked.

"Yep, just like that," I took a sip of my coke. "It might have been the most freeing experience ever." I told her.

"How do you feel now?" Asked Lulu. "You gonna be okay?"

I smiled before saying, "Actually, I feel fine. I'm sure that the sadness and pain of loss will hit soon, but right now I'm good. I think this was a long time coming, so in a way I was already prepared for the loss." I ignored the little voice inside my head that said I shouldn't have had to be prepared for a loss like that. My family should have loved me, regardless if I fit into the mold they wanted.

"Hmph," was Lula's eloquent response.

"If that's the case, Steph....why did you run out of the club like you were running from Satan himself?" Connie asked.

"Yeah," Lula said swallowing, "And not that I don't like sittin' here eatin' and all, but if everythin' was really all hunky dory, wouldn't you be at the club dancin' with that hot piece of Cuban ass?" Lula added.

Well, shit. Apparently I was going to have to focus on that particular action sooner rather than later. Come on, Steph! What would Wonder Woman do? She wouldn't avoid it. I took another sip of coke, giving myself a few more moments to gather myself before I said, "I told Val that I was in love with Ranger, and he and the guys heard the whole thing. So, I freaked out, said I was sorry, and ran," I finished lamely.

"Everyone knows you be in love with Batman," Lula said.

"Yeah, Steph. Not a big secret there," Connie agreed.

What? How could everyone know that? Before tonight I'd never even admitted it out loud. How in the Hell did everyone else know? Another thought followed on the heels of that... if everyone else knew...did that mean Ranger had known too? Oh shit! "Uh, guys... what do you mean?" I asked.

"It's obvious to everyone how you two feel about each other. The fact that you both seem oblivious to it is beyond me," Connie said. "Every time you're in the same room I'm worried there's going to be a power surge." I felt a blush creep up my cheeks.

"White girl, you can't tell me you haven't jumped that man by now. Sex rolls off both you every time you're around each other." I decided to ignore Lula's comment in favor of eating another cheese stick. No way was I touching that one.

"I guess I just freaked out. It would be one thing for Ranger to hear me tell Val I loved him," I glared at my two friends as I noticed their smiles. "And yes, I'm done denying it. I don't just love him, I'm in love with him," I shook my head. "But, having the guys hear it too...that was just too much. Ranger values his privacy, and I'd just all but made a public declaration."

"So, what? You apologized and ran? Didn't you even bother to talk to him?" Connie asked.

"He didn't exactly look ready for a conversation," I said. "In fact, he looked like he was about to faint." I laughed at my memory of the way he looked. "There were so many emotions flying across his face, it caught me off guard. Batman doesn't show emotion." At least he doesn't when he's fully clothed and standing in the middle of a crowded area.

"Girl, Batman gonna ship you off when he sees you next," Lula said. Oh double shit! What if she was right? What if Ranger decided that I'd crossed his invisible line and he did ship me off somewhere.

"I wonder if it will be a tropical third world country. One with a beach maybe?" I said, trying to act brave when I was suddenly feeling anything but.

"Better pack a parka. Doubt that if he's mad enough to send you away, that he'd send you to a place you'd enjoy," Connie told me. She had a point.

"Well, shit," I said. Yep, that about summed up my night.

"So, are you really sorry that you admitted that you were in love with Ranger?" Connie asked.

I shook my head, "Nope. Not even a little, actually."

"Maybe you should unapologize then?" Lula said.

"You think?" I asked.

"Yes!" My friends said in unison.

"How does one go about, unapologizing to someone? I mean really," I asked. I was curious what their thoughts would be. This was new ground for me. I'd just started to realize that maybe saying I was sorry wasn't the best way to go before bolting. What if Ranger thought I was apologizing for saying it, that I didn't really mean it? Stop! Don't think like that.

"You could always call him," Connie offered.

"Yeah, I'll do that." I looked at my watch and sighed. It was already after four in the morning and I had to be at Rangeman by eight. "I need to get home," I said. "I have to work in less than four hours. Probably wouldn't be smart to be late the morning after dropping the 'L' word in conversation," I told my friends.

"Probably right," Lula agreed.

An hour later I was sitting in my apartment still in my 'little black dress' that wasn't black at all, with my cell phone in hand. I'd put the battery back in and turned it on. Dialing into my voicemail I couldn't hold in the, "Holy, Shit," that popped out of my mouth. My mailbox was full. Yeah, no way was I going to listen to all those messages tonight, er, this morning. Instead I pressed speed dial one and felt my heart drop to my feet when it went straight to voicemail.

I guess I really had screwed up. Maybe I should pack a bag just to be on the safe side. I really was going to miss Ranger if he sent me away. "Dammit! Love sucks!" I yelled at my silent apartment. With that wonderful thought pounding in my head, I fell face first onto my bed and shut my eyes.