Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.

All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.

Chapter Nineteen

And then suddenly, it was Christmas.

Edward and I had been so wrapped up in each other that the holiday probably would have passed without either of us noticing if not for the fact that Alice and Esme had turned out the house in beautiful traditional decorations, including an enormous live tree that brought the delicious scent of the forest indoors.

Alice assured me that they didn't normally exchange gifts, as a houseful of immortal beings with endless financial resources would accumulate stacks of material items more quickly than we could find houses to hold them all. I felt guilty, though, and made Edward promise that he wouldn't get me a gift since I didn't have the first clue about what to get him. He laughed and told me that my immortality was the greatest gift I could have ever given him, and then became somewhat petulant when I kept insisting that it wasn't fair for him to give me anything. He finally told me that he did have a gift, but that it was actually for both of us, and I finally acquiesced.

Since we were in Alaska for my first Christmas, plans were made to spend a few days with the Denali clan. We hadn't gone to visit them yet as I was still acclimating to my new life, and I was more than slightly anxious about venturing out away from the property and surrounding forest. Although I was always careful to hunt at least every other day, I still worried about what might happen if I caught a human scent. Just thinking about the lingering trace of those who had delivered and tuned Edward's piano made my throat burn more intensely for something I'd never had. The fact that Alice wasn't able to see my future, thus preventing them from being able to find me if I was overcome and ran away, made me even more nervous.

"You'll need to start going out at some point, love," Edward reassured me the morning of our departure. "No one has ever heard of an agoraphobic vampire."

"But this is just so soon!" I protested. "Let everyone else go, and you and I can stay here…"

He squeezed my hand. "Nothing is going to happen. Alice sees us all getting there just fine."

I shook my head, not satisfied. He, Carlisle, and Jasper had quietly debated for over an hour exactly how we would get to our destination, which was over two hundred miles to the northwest. Jasper had been in favor of driving as long as the roads were clear, feeling that I could be better monitored and restrained if necessary in the confines of a vehicle, surrounded by my family. Edward had disagreed, feeling that we would be better off in the open air, with much less chance of running across any wayward humans as we cut through the national park. Carlisle's concern had been the possibility that I would outrun all of them if I was overcome by bloodlust, regardless of the mode of transportation.

I honestly didn't care how we went; I'd resolved to hold my breath the entire way.

In the end, it was decided that we would run, with the family spread out in a wide circle around Edward and I, on the alert for any faint human scent. Although Carlisle assured me that hikers and other adventurers were rare in the area during this time of year, I was still nervous. Which was why I was pleading with Edward now.

"I thought that we would work up to me going out, not do it all at once."

"We have been," he replied patiently. "We've gone further on our more recent hunts, and to new areas. And it isn't as though we'll be running directly through a campground or along a road, love. It's extremely unlikely we'll come within miles of a human."

"How many miles are we from the nearest town now?" I asked curiously.

"About twenty, through the forest. Longer by the road, of course…"

"What?" I shrieked, cutting off the rest of his words. "I had no idea we were so close! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Bella, you really do not give yourself enough credit," Edward replied, amused. "You aren't a mindless zombie or a rabid dog. You know there are people out there somewhere, and yet consciously you have no desire to hurt them. We're three miles off the main highway here and we've always been very careful to hunt with you in the opposite direction. Now please stop underestimating yourself."

I scowled at him. "All I heard about newborns was that they are motivated by bloodlust. Can you blame me for being concerned?"

"No, of course we're concerned too, but you have to believe me when I tell you that you are exceptionally controlled for a newborn. You are remarkably calm and settled. Even Carlisle thinks so. He also thinks that perhaps it is because you knew what to expect and had time to mentally prepare for it. Imagine if you'd woken up all alone and hungry, with no understanding of what happened to you. How would you have reacted?"

"I would have been terrified."

"Exactly. And in your terror, you would have probably gone into a feeding frenzy on the first creature that crossed your path, then been horrified by your actions even as you sought out something else to kill."

"You all dealt with it, though."

"Yes, to varying degrees, but again, none of us chose this life in advance, and none of us were mated beforehand either. Carlisle attributes much of your control to your connection with me."

My brain immediately snapped to the passage I'd written in my journal about Cesare and Annata. I hadn't shared it with Edward as I didn't want him to feel that he alone were responsible for containing me if I ever were to lose control, but remembering that did bring me a small measure of comfort.

"You promise you'll tackle me if…"

"Yes, although Emmett may beat me to it." We both laughed, Emmett had been vehement about his desire for a rematch ever since I'd bested him weeks ago. "Everyone will keep paying very close attention, love. Please stop worrying."

I took a deep breath. "I can do anything if you're with me."

"That's my girl." He gave me a crooked smile. "Everyone is waiting for us in the main house, let's go. I'll tell you along the way about the rest of Eleazar's family."

We ran lightly up the drive to where the rest of our family stood waiting. Much of the snow from the most recent storm had melted in a brief unseasonable warm spell, so it was easy going as we entered the forest. The rest of the Cullens disappeared into the trees around us as we began to run, and I knew that I was surrounded by a loose circle of protection. I held my breath until Edward finally convinced me that it was unnecessary unless he or one of the others gave a warning sign, and he distracted me in the meantime by telling me about the Denali clan.

"They're all much older than we are, even older than Carlisle. Their family structure is a bit different as well; Eleazar and Carmen are the only two mated vampires. Kate, Irina, and Tanya were created by the same vampire and consider themselves sisters, and none of them have mates. They don't have a head of the family as Carlisle is for ours, but Tanya acts as their spokesperson more often than not."

"You told me something about Tanya while…"

Edward grimaced a little. "I was wondering if you'd remember that."

"Do I need to be worried?"

"No," he said immediately. "Tanya and her sisters seek out men, both human and vampire, for their own pleasure, and she did approach me once. I told her that I had no interest, and that was the end of it. She is not some threatening jilted lover, and of course, no one could ever compare to you, my wife."

"What do you mean, they seek out men?"

"Do you know what a succubus is?"

I frowned. "Vaguely… it doesn't have a good connotation."

Edward laughed as we continued to skim easily through the forest. "No, in popular culture it certainly doesn't. Tanya, Kate, and Irina have taken human men as lovers for centuries, after they discovered how not to kill them in the act. The majority of the legends are completely false, of course, and I'm sure there are more than just the three of them who have done it, but they did their part to contribute to the stories."

"That's funny," I giggled. Edward cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Is it? I suppose I was essentially an incubus while you were still human."

"Oh! I didn't even think of that!"

"It goes without saying that the… mechanics of the act are much less dangerous for a human male than a female. Not many women probably lived to tell the tale that you can."

"How did your family meet them?"

"Carlisle met them by chance a very long time ago. It was centuries before I was changed."

I thought for a moment. "Are there any other 'vegetarian' vampires out there?"

"I'm sure there are, although we are greatly in the minority. Our family and the Denali clan have stayed close friends partially due to that fact. It's also easier for us to form closer bonds. Traditionally, vampires who feed on human blood find it much more difficult to stay in a large group."

"Edward… will you ever tell me about what it was like… when you…"

He turned his head and gave me a small smile. Since he was no longer able to read my mind, he'd become much more sensitive to my moods and needs in other ways. "I will tell you about it, yes. But not on Christmas."

I nodded my assent and then fell silent again. For a time, Edward had been one of those vampires who preyed on humans, and although I had no interest in the details of an experience that still pained him, I wanted his reassurance that it was possible to return from a life of human bloodlust to live peacefully with, and even love a human. It gave me hope that I would have his control someday.

The rest of the run was uneventful, to my great relief, and when the rest of my family reemerged from the forest surrounding us, I knew that we were close. A few short minutes later, we broke suddenly into a small clearing with a structure in the middle.

Although not as large as our main house, it was very similar in appearance: rugged and appearing to have grown organically from the forest surrounding it. I took a deep breath as we slowed to a walk, approaching the front door, and Edward put a reassuring arm around me.

"They'll love you, I promise," he murmured, and I couldn't help but smile. He knew me so well. I was nervous: aside from Eleazar, these would be the first strangers I'd met since my change, and the only other vampires I'd ever encountered. And despite Edward's encouraging words, I couldn't help but feel a faint sense of competition towards this unknown Tanya, the beautiful succubus who had, at one time, desired my husband.

The front door flew open and Eleazar stood there with a petite dark woman at his side. "Welcome, cousins! And Merry Christmas!"

We called back greetings in return, and I felt my tension melt away a little. It was such a normal scene, family arriving for the holidays with cheerful greetings all around. More vampires crowded out onto the porch behind them, and immediately the introductions began. They all wanted to meet me.

Carmen, Eleazar's mate, shared his black hair and slightly darker skin tone. She embraced me warmly and welcomed me to her family.

Tanya, Kate, and Irina were all so exquisitely beautiful that I would have felt inadequate by comparison if it weren't for the fact that they were all so obviously excited to meet me. I was passed from one set of strong arms to the next, pulled into hugs that were as genuine in enthusiasm as their words of welcome. They dragged me into the house ahead of the rest of my family.

We settled in the living room, with the three sisters sitting around me. They chattered incessantly, and soon I completely relaxed in their company. Kate was the bubbliest of the three, while Irina was the quietest, but no less friendly. Tanya had a sardonic sense of humor that I couldn't help but appreciate, and when Edward caught my eye, I gave him a smile, reassuring him that I was fine.

After everyone had caught up on news and gossip, my unspoken question about what exactly vampires did for Christmas was answered: we hunted. Everyone rose and Tanya linked her arm through mine. "Have you found a favorite yet, Bella?"

"Not any one specific animal, no, but I prefer carnivores."

"They do taste better," she agreed, and then scowled at Edward when he came to my side. "You can have your wife back when I'm done getting to know her, Edward. Don't be so possessive, you have all of eternity together now."

Edward's eyes slid from her face to mine, gauging my reaction. "Go ahead, it's fine," I urged him, hoping that Tanya didn't recognize the reason for his concern.

"I know how fast you can run if need be, Edward." She shoved him playfully. "Go on, we won't be far away. I won't let anything happen to your Bella."

He shifted uneasily; we'd never been apart while hunting before, but the other couples in our family did it all the time. Perhaps a little independence would be a good thing for us both to begin exercising. I smiled and leaned up to gently kiss his lips. "I think Emmett and Jasper are waiting for you."

Nodding slowly, Edward backed away a few steps, and I felt a surprising throb in the center of my chest. I knew he felt it too, but he took a deep breath. "I'll be close by, love."

"Shoo!" Kate finally exclaimed. "We'll take care of her, Edward. Don't forget that we have many centuries on you. Let her hunt with the girls for once."

Tension rippled through me as he stepped away again, and Tanya must have felt it as she squeezed my arm a little tighter. "Come on, Bella, let's go. We're going to head north."

Reluctance was slowing my steps now, but the sisters pulled me along, out the front door. When our feet hit the snow, Kate and Tanya each took one of my hands and began running into the woods, Irina immediately behind us. "I thought he wasn't going to let you go," she laughed.

"He wasn't," Kate said dryly. "I think he's worried about Tanya going off alone with Bella."

Tanya growled playfully, and I stiffened a little even as we continued to run. "Don't listen to her, Bella. She's the troublemaker of the family. I take it Edward told you…?"

"That you propositioned him?" Kate interrupted, and all three of them laughed again.

"Wow, wonderful job breaking the ice, Kate," Tanya sneered playfully at her, before turning her attention back to me. "I figured he would have said something… I just didn't want you to feel uncomfortable around me. It was years ago, I promise you have nothing to fear from me. I love Edward dearly as I love all my cousins, and at one time, I thought we could have something more. I'm glad now that I was wrong, and that he turned me down. Otherwise, I would have missed out on hearing about yet another Cullen finding the love of their life and eternal mate." She sighed dramatically, but there was a shadow of seriousness on her face. My possessive instincts waned a little as I recognized that her words were genuine.

"Thank you for telling me that."

She smiled warmly. "I want you to think of me as a member of the family, Bella. You can call on me, on any of us, any time you might need us. And I think you and I can be very dear friends."

"She's getting ready to hit you up for sex tips," Kate warned, before bounding a few steps ahead.

"Oh yeah, speaking of that…" All three sisters burst out laughing at my words.

"We were waiting to see if Edward told you everything," Irina giggled. "I take it he did?"

The lighthearted mood continued as I ran with the three vampires, all of us pausing occasionally when one would catch the scent of prey and change the direction of our group, moving us like a flock of birds. Finally we chanced upon a herd of elk and, for a time, were absorbed in our own hunting.

After we'd all fed to satiation, we crowded back into a group again and turned lazily back towards the house. I couldn't help but be fascinated by these new cousins. They were lighthearted and irreverent in a way that only Alice came close to matching. Even Alice, though, had one deep sober streak through her being that connected her so intensely to her mate, to Jasper. That factor was completely absent here, although they weren't silly or vapid. It was a cheerful freedom that surrounded them, something that I knew I would never understand.

There was seriousness, though, as well. After we'd walked for a while, Tanya abruptly brought up the subject of the wolves.

"I meant what I said earlier, Bella. We are your family now as well, and we will come to your aid no matter what. If you have any concerns, don't hesitate to call on us and we will come."

"I hate that they have to worry about the wolves because of me," I confessed suddenly. It was a topic that gnawed at me in my quieter moments, when I began to wonder how such blissful happiness could last forever. "I wish there was something I could do, but there isn't. I would give my life for my family, for Edward, but it wouldn't fix the problem."

Tanya exchanged a glance with her sisters. "Bella, we didn't just pull you off with us for girl talk, and I'd guess Alice is figuring that out right now."

The tension returned to my body in a flash, the protective instinct rising automatically to the forefront. "What is it?"

"Please relax," Irina soothed, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. "There's something we wanted to discuss with you, something that we're not… comfortable discussing around the others."

All of my muscles shivered involuntarily, the desire to get back to Edward now screaming through me. Despite her words, I didn't relax. Rationally I recognized that they posed no threat to myself or Edward, or to my family, but I couldn't help the defensiveness that rose up inside of me. "What couldn't you say in front of them?"

Kate sighed and grasped my hand, I moved unwillingly until we were all seated on an enormous fallen tree. "We wanted to talk to you about your shield."

My head snapped to face her and my jaw dropped. "What?"

"Please, Bella, calm down. You'll understand everything in just a moment. Will you listen?"

I nodded stiffly, and Kate and Irina looked at Tanya.

"When Eleazar came home from first meeting you," Tanya began slowly, "We didn't tell him this. We've never told anyone this. But we can help you to understand your gift, to help you learn to control it. We have to backtrack quite a bit, though, to get to that point. Has Edward told you anything about our family?"

"Not much," I replied, forcing myself to concentrate on Tanya's open and honest face.

"We are centuries old, much older than even Carlisle. We were all three created by a woman whom we called our… mother." There was just the tiniest hesitation before the word, and all three vampires surrounding me tensed just slightly, all of the lightheartedness from earlier gone. Even their words and speech were now belying their age, the centuries they'd lived.

"She was to us as Carlisle is to your family, although in a sense it may be difficult for you to understand, as Carlisle did not change you. The bond between a vampire and his or her maker is a complex and deep one, although it isn't as simple as love or hate, or even just loyalty. Regardless, the woman that was our mother not only changed us, but she nurtured, taught, and loved us as her true daughters. The circumstances surrounding her… death are still painful for us to speak of." Grief creased Tanya's perfect face, and I felt a sudden sharp pang of sympathy for her.

"That subject is not what we wanted to speak to you of, though. By the time we met Eleazar and Carmen, we had already been without her for some time. What we are going to tell you now is something we've never told anyone, and never will tell anyone. We respect that you may need to recount this to Edward or Carlisle, and understand and agree with that. But we will not speak of her to anyone but you, and this is not easy for us. Do you understand?"

"Yes," I said softly. Their sorrow was palpable, I could see the effort it took for them to share the little they had already.

Tanya took a deep breath. "Our mother had a gift as many of our kind do. It was very similar to yours, Bella. She was the strongest shield that any of us have ever known."

Air whooshed out of my lungs in sudden understanding. "She…"

"Yes, in fact we were shocked when Eleazar recounted to us the nature of your shield, your control over it as a human, and its characteristics now. There are some differences, of course…" Here Tanya paused and Irina took over.

"The similarities, though, are shocking. Both from what Eleazar told us and what we have observed ourselves today. We wanted to see you hunt, Bella. Your shielding abilities are remarkable, so much like hers. You became virtually invisible to us all as you were stalking. Not just in the sense that we couldn't feel you nearby, but your scent almost vanished from our ability to detect it as well. It was much the same with our mother. She could hide from almost anyone she chose, deflect the senses and gifts of those who had them. We four traveled the world and she was virtually immune to every gift we encountered."

"That's incredible," I breathed, and the three around me nodded.

"It was remarkable," Kate agreed softly. "We've never in centuries met another like her, until you. And although her memory causes us pain, we want to help you, especially with the threat of the wolves to consider. The threat may not be from vampires, but your gift could prove invaluable to protect the ones you love if the time ever comes."

I nodded vigorously. "Yes, please tell me what she could do?"

All three of them sighed before Tanya spoke. "Not only was she able to protect herself, she was able to extend her shield to protect others as well."

I stopped breathing.

"She need only concentrate on enveloping them with her shield, and they were as immune as she. No matter if the gift involved manipulating emotions, inflicting pain or pleasure, or tracking, she was safe and anyone that she set out to protect was safe. She even had an ability to deflect physical intrusion… I'm sure you've heard of Renata, of the Volturi guard?" I nodded. "She could do something similar, although not with the same strength. More often than not she didn't need to do that, though, if she was able to simply evade anyone who sought her."

"This is what we want to help teach you, Bella," Kate said eagerly. "Not only so that you can protect yourself, but so that you'll truly understand your power. It can be confusing, not understanding exactly how to control something that is so obviously an inherent part of you."

"Yes," I murmured. "Did Eleazar tell you that Edward was able to read my mind sometimes while I was human?"

"Yes."

"Can you teach me how to… lower my shield so he can read my mind again?"

Tanya, Kate, and Irina all froze simultaneously, their expressions changing from pain to barely-concealed hostility. I immediately felt my own body tighten up in response. "What?"

"We could teach you that," Irina said finally, ignoring the pointed looks from her sisters. "But we would prefer not to."

"Why?"

Tanya's jaw tightened. "A shield is a defensive mechanism and it truly exists for one purpose: to protect you. Never forget that, Bella."

"I understand that, but what harm could it do if I let Edward…"

"We will tell you this only once, and then we will never speak of it again," Tanya interrupted. "How do you think that our mother, someone who had such an inherently powerful ability for self-defense, was finally destroyed?"

"I… I don't know."

"She lowered her shield," Kate said softly. "When they came to destroy the one she loved most, she made the decision to lower her shield, to expose herself and die with him in her arms. She could have easily eluded them, but his powers were virtually non-existent compared to hers, and they found him. She decided that she would rather die than to live without him, although to this day, we fail to understand why. And so when they found him, she lowered her shield and gave herself willingly into their hands. She burned alongside him."

There was a long silence before Tanya spoke again. "We will come to your home and teach you everything that we learned from her, Bella. It's the very least we can do. But please consider our words: as ones who have watched the one we love above all others burn into ash before our eyes, we beg you to keep your shield tight around you. Don't lower it for anyone or anything. Protecting others is another matter, of course, but don't ever let anyone else in."

***

We returned to the house not long afterward, when Irina pointed out that Edward would probably come tearing through the forest looking for us if they didn't return with me soon. I broached the question about Edward's reading their minds about the subject we'd discussed, but they were unconcerned.

"One of the wonderful things that come with age as a vampire is stronger abilities across the board, Bella," Kate laughed. They were back to their cheerful selves, the somber mood from earlier completely absent. It struck me as odd at first, until I realized that it had to be a self-defense mechanism of sorts. Grieving for centuries for one they'd loved so much would surely have broken them if they hadn't deliberately set about to continue with their immortal lives. "He might hear that we told you about her being a shield, and that we're going to help you now. He'll probably be so thrilled about that, he won't try to listen any further."

"Edward's tried to eavesdrop on us practically since we first met him," Tanya added sarcastically. "He's not as successful as he likes to think he is."

All three laughed at the same time and I was struck again by their behavior; they spoke and acted almost like triplets, except for the obvious differences in their appearances.

"You'll come soon?"

"Yes, absolutely," Irina assured me. "We'll each come for a few days. I don't think it will take much guidance, Bella. Your control is absolutely remarkable already."

"Edward says the same thing," I mused. "But I think he gives me more credit than I deserve."

All three sisters vehemently disagreed at my words. "We've seen hundreds, maybe even thousands of newborns between the five of us," Tanya said firmly. "You are so… settled, so firmly grounded, it's remarkable. Have you come into contact with any humans?"

"Not directly," I said, and then told them about the experience with the piano. They all nodded.

"Another newborn might have torn the piano to bits," Kate teased. "Your first whiff of humans after your change? Impressive, Bella."

"I need more practice," I said thoughtfully, as we came within sight of the house. "Carlisle and Jasper will agree, I know, but Edward is worried about me."

"And as your mate, that's understandable. But I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at what your shield can help you resist when you put your mind to it."

At Tanya's words, the invisible worry I carried non-stop on my shoulders cracked a little. "It can help me resist… human blood?"

"In theory," Irina cautioned. "We'll give it a test run before we turn you loose on a town. Don't run off to Anchorage just on our say-so."

"Of course not," I replied, somewhat distractedly, for at that moment I saw movement on the porch and knew that Edward was there waiting for me. His face broke into a smile when our eyes locked, and the throbbing in my chest was suddenly a welcome thing, not a painful reminder of our separation. In a flash he left the porch and was pulling me into his arms.

"I really hate being away from you," he whispered, before pressing a fierce kiss to my lips. There was a giggle from behind us.

"Ah, such romance," Tanya teased. "Hopefully one day I'll find a love like yours."

I buried my face in Edward's neck. Although I was glad for her friendship, I still disliked any reminder, no matter how innocent, that Tanya had once wanted my husband for her own. Edward laughed lightly and hugged me.

"It's only a matter of time, dear cousin. Now you've monopolized my wife's company for long enough, and I'm claiming her back now."

Without waiting for a reply he released his hold on my waist, grasped my hand, and tugged me down the porch steps. I followed him willingly back into the forest, and when we were some distance away from the house, he stopped and wrapped his arms around me again, staring adoringly down into my eyes. "I missed you so much," he whispered, before kissing me softly.

"I missed you, too."

We kissed, unhurriedly, for several more minutes before Edward broke away. "Everything was fine with Kate, Irina, and Tanya?"

"Yes," I replied quietly, Tanya's name again evoking a small niggling sense of insecurity. Edward smiled and stroked my cheek.

"She meant nothing by that comment, love. I read her mind, and there was no deeper meaning to it."

I blinked, startled. "How did you know…?"

"I'm getting better at reading your mind without actually reading your mind. I know your body as well as you do, and I'm learning to listen to everything you say silently. I'm tuning into your needs and desires without the benefit of your sweet mind speaking to me directly."

"That's good." I smiled and leaned against him; arms around his waist, head tipped back and chin resting on his chest so I could look directly into his golden eyes. "Maybe you'll learn even more about me that way."

"Perhaps," he mused. "So you hunted? And got to know them?"

"Yes." I hesitated for a moment, but then remembered that Tanya had said that I could share their story with Edward, although they wouldn't do so themselves. "We talked for a long time and they told me about their… mother."

Edward frowned. "Their mother? They never talk about her."

"Yes, I know, but they had a good reason for telling me. She was a shield, very similar to me."

A thousand emotions seemed to flicker across his face in that moment, but his response was simple. "And?"

"They want to teach me how to control it, how to use it. They said that there's so much that I'll be able to do with it, to protect myself and the ones I love. That it might be useful if the wolves ever find us."

His body went completely still against mine. "I didn't want you to worry about that."

"Knowing how to utilize my strongest defense should alleviate worry, don't you think?"

"Yes."

"The things they said she could do… it was amazing. They said she could make herself virtually invisible to anyone pursuing her, and that she was able to protect others with her shield as well."

"And they think you'll be able to do that?"

"Yes." I could see the question he wanted so badly to ask, and I hesitated to address it, remembering their warning that their mother had perished when she lowered her shield to die with the one she loved so dearly. Her mate? I knew that I would rather die alongside Edward than suffer through eternity without him. "I asked… if they could teach me to lower my shield, and they said maybe."

Joy immediately replaced the apprehension clouding his beautiful features. "That's wonderful!"

I nodded and turned my head so that my cheek rested against his silent chest, just over where his heart had beat so long ago. "Carlisle will be very interested to hear all this too. It was difficult for them to talk about her, though, so maybe we should wait until we get home to discuss it again. Do you know what happened to her?"

"No," he said thoughtfully. "I know that she was destroyed by the Volturi, but I don't know what her crime was or exactly what happened. Carlisle may know."

"They think that my shield may help me to resist human blood too."

"More good news. When are they going to start helping you work with it?"

I ran my hands gently up and down his back. "Soon. They said they'll come to our home for a few days each."

***

The rest of our visit with the Denali clan was uneventful, but I learned so much more in those few days about my new world. All five were much older than any of the Cullens, as they were closer to a thousand years old. They had all traveled the world extensively and seen more than I could almost comprehend. They told me about some of the things they'd seen in their eternal lives, and I devoured their words, fascinated.

None of the three sisters brought up our conversation again, and it wasn't until we were preparing to leave that Tanya drew me aside for a hug, and whispered a promise that she would call me in two days and make plans for her visit. Kate and Irina also embraced me before my family and I darted into the forest and set out for home.

"Edward, what would you do if I tried to shield and hide myself from you?" I called to him playfully. He immediately turned to me without breaking stride and smirked.

"You wouldn't."

"How do you know?"

"I know you." He held out his hand and I took it, still running alongside him. "Besides, I don't know if you could. You and I share a bond that goes beyond my normal senses, remember? If I'm ever able to read your mind again, I look forward to knowing every inch of you again, inside and out."

"Have you ever thought," I paused for a moment and carefully considered how I wanted to phrase my next question. "That maybe it's good you can't read my mind?"

He frowned. "No, why?"

"Do you believe we were meant to be together?"

"Unquestionably," he replied immediately. "Although Alice would be the first one to tell you the future isn't set in stone."

"And so we were meant to be, even though you were never able to completely read my mind?"

His frown deepened into an adorable scowl. "I don't understand what you're saying, but you've obviously given this thought, so please tell me what you mean."

"Isn't being around someone whose mind you can't read restful for you? A little quieter?"

"Of course," he admitted reluctantly. "But it's different with you, I want to hear your thoughts. I miss being inside your mind more than I like to admit."

"I miss it too," I reassured him softly. The memory of Edward's comforting presence inside of me, of him listening to me speak to only him, was one I remembered very strongly from my human life. "I guess I've just been thinking more about my shield and everything that goes with it since my conversation with the sisters."

"I have too," he agreed. "Although, based on the little you've told me, it makes me feel much better to know its ability to protect you is a strong one."

"Protect me from what?" I teased. "You keep telling me how much stronger and faster I am, I could probably just outrun anyone or anything that was chasing me."

"Except me," he countered, and I laughed. Despite my newborn abilities, Edward was extremely fast, and he'd beaten me a few of the times we'd raced through the woods. There was a playful sense of competition between us that kept me testing him, though.

"Are we almost home?"

He arched an eyebrow at me. "We are. Is that your way of challenging me to a race, love?"

I didn't answer and, after confirming for myself that the forest around us was becoming more familiar to me, I lengthened my strides and was off like a shot. Edward's indignant yell came a split second later, and I knew the instant he began pursuing me, I could feel his determined presence close behind me. I shrieked and ran faster.

"Cheating doesn't become you, Mrs. Cullen!" he shouted.

"You should have seen that coming from a mile away," I countered, not allowing him to distract me as we flew through the trees. Being pursued by anyone else would have triggered defensive instincts within me, I knew, but having Edward chase me was undeniably thrilling. The knowledge of what he would do to me when I eventually allowed myself to be caught was even more so. I'd learned quickly that the thrill of the hunt and the sweet victory of success were powerful aphrodisiacs to a vampire.

"You're only making this harder on yourself," he taunted from behind me, "Delaying the inevitable."

I didn't bother answering him, knowing that the house was very close now. I concentrated on forcing every muscle in my body to push me on as quickly as possible, running faster than I ever had before. I broke the treeline with him just behind me, but I didn't slow until we were running around the house, to where he could chase me down the front driveway to our cottage.

In the quickest fraction of a second, though, I slammed to a stop...for there in the driveway stood a strange man.

In the time it took for him to turn slightly and see me, his eyes widening, Edward was behind me, his hand latching onto my wrist. My gasp of surprise was already roaring into my lungs, though, and with it the scent of…

"Oh, where did you come from?"

My vision went red. Everything was red. The sky and the forest, the remains of the last snow around us. The air turned red. Because all I could see… and smell… and hear… was the blood rushing inside of him, just under the most fragile barrier of skin, paper-thin and translucent to my eyes. I could see crimson bubbling and swirling through every vein, from the tiny ones in his eyes to the beacon that beat in his neck.

And it was mine, it was there, everything I'd needed in this short new life, all right there. Venom flooded my mouth in a sudden rush and every cell in my body pressed forward towards all that was rich warmth so close by. No thought, just movement. Need. Burning hot and painful and demanding deep in my throat. Fractions of seconds thrumming, the calculation of how soon I could have my teeth in his throat. Drinking. Roaring silence around me, deafening in my ears, letting me focus only on it.

But a manacle was around my wrist, restraining me from moving forward and taking it. I barely bit back a furious growl, not wanting to frighten my prey away. No… move gently and quietly, easily. Don't scare it.

I wiggled my wrist a little, trying to shake loose the pressure around it, but it only tightened. Moving slowly, still moving slowly, not wanting to tear my eyes away from it, reluctant to turn away even for a moment, I swung around, baring my teeth and tugging harder when I knew my body shielded my movements from its frightened eyes.

Edward. Edward was white in the red, the only thing not tinted scarlet in my vision. White and gold eyes that flashed to mine, locking me into place, cutting a swath through the red. Gold eyes that knew my soul, spoke directly to me, telling me silently to let it go, to stay with him.

Every instinct inside of me rose up, shrieking, my body demanding that I turn around and take it regardless. Just this once, let me go. Just let me go, let me drink, let me drown the burn under the red…

But he wouldn't let go, and I wouldn't fight him, for nothing in the world would I ever fight him. I pled with him silently, begging him even though I'd never begged him for anything before, asking him to please give me this one thing, just this one thing. And I know he could hear me, but he kept me frozen, golden eyes in white, surrounded by red, connecting me more powerfully to him than the hand that was still wrapped firmly around my wrist.

It was speaking now, and I could feel the warm puffs of breath against my back, stirring the air, heat and sweet seduction swimming lazily around me.

"Is she all right?"

A smooth voice responding, not Edward's though. "No, she's been ill and unfortunately your unexpected presence here has startled her. I'm afraid I must ask you to leave, immediately."

"Oh, I'm really sorry about that… it's just, I stayed here for the past few winters when you rented it out as a hunting lodge…"

The breath against the back of my neck grew fainter as it began to move away, and I almost cried. Why are you doing this to me? I desperately demanded of Edward. Why, please, just this one thing…

"Yes, we decided to move back here and the house will not be available for a hunting lodge again in the foreseeable future. As you can see, my daughter is not quite well. Edward, why don't you help her inside?"

No!

Love…

NO!

He gently drew me to him, and for the briefest moment I contemplated yanking away. I knew I could, I knew I was stronger and faster. I could have it in my hands, in my mouth, before any of them could move. But Edward was pulling me to him, and there was nothing that would make me pull away from him, push him away, or fight him. Where he wanted me to go, I would go, even if I was starving to death and he was taking away my last meal.

His arms enveloped me then and with the force of a bomb, I knew. I knew. I let out an involuntary sob which was half frustrated cry, half demented wail, and he pulled me tighter against him, already moving us towards the house.

"Geez, I'm really sorry…"

Edward picked me up in his arms, carrying me into the house just as he'd carried me in weeks before, moving quickly when we were out of sight. Then he was laying me down on a bed and pulling me tight against his body, curling me into him as I wept tearlessly, hating myself for the very first time, hating what I'd almost done, and hating what I still wanted to do more than anything.

I lay collapsed against his chest for a very long time as he crooned into my hair, kissing my head, just as he'd done before, waiting for me to come back to him. I felt a strange sense of disconnection from our surroundings; I could tell we were in his old room, surrounded by the boxes Alice had yet to unpack, but none of it was real. The only thing real connecting me to the earth was Edward and his patient arms around me.

Light had completely faded from the windows by the time I finally spoke.

"Who was he?"

"Someone who used to stay here when we rented it out as a hunting lodge. He was in the area and decided to stop in and find out why it wasn't available this year. He was leaving; it's why Alice didn't see it happening in time. He made a last-minute decision to knock at the door again."

"I didn't know…"

"You couldn't have known," he said quietly, but firmly. "None of us truly understood what it's like until we were standing face-to-face with it. And not all of us were able to resist it as you did."

"I didn't," I whimpered, as the memory of the strange man came back to me. "I wanted him, I would have done anything to have him, to kill him…"

"No, you wouldn't have," he contradicted. "Bella, you could have easily broken away from me and killed him before I could have stopped you. You chose not to. You saved his life. You stopped; you chose to stay with me while fighting one of the strongest instincts we possess. Regardless of the reason, you stopped hunting and let him go. What more can you ask of yourself?"

"I don't want to be like that…"

"None of us do, and so we choose not to, just as you did. It doesn't mean that we aren't tempted, we are, each of us. It's how we react to the temptation that defines us."

"But I wanted to kill him," I insisted. Edward tilted my head back and gently kissed me before replying.

"I wanted to kill you the first time we met, remember?"

I shuddered in his arms. "How could you stand it? How could you keep from doing it when everything is screaming at you to just…"

"I chose not to," he said simply. "I'm not saying it wasn't a struggle, but the choices I made eventually led to my being able to resist the call of your blood, and eventually to make you my mate. You made a choice today, love, to listen to me and focus on me. And because of that choice, a human is alive and well somewhere right now, perhaps a little confused, but no worse off for it. Our lives are defined by a series of choices, and we all live from one moment to the next. Don't demand perfection of yourself, none of us do."

I thought about that. "I could hear you," I said finally. "I could hear you, well, not hear you, but I could… I don't know exactly how to explain it."

He smiled faintly. "I could hear you too… not reading your mind, but your thoughts were plain enough."

"I'm sure," I muttered, feeling a faint sense of shame. I snuggled my face against his neck, breathing him in, letting everything about him that called to my senses distract me from the memory of the strange man with the surprised eyes and the red that had surrounded him.

A/N: My apologies for the delay in this update, real-life and other annoying things have been beating me up something fierce! I apologize again for not replying to reviews, just please know that every time I get a new review it's literally a "drop everything and read NOW" moment for me. You guys are truly amazing!!!

Just a reminder that I'm on Twitter as lazykatevamp and do Tweet fairly often (and try to be funny)...don't hesitate to hit me up!!!

As always, many thanks to the super-beta Stratan, to my fan-fic-twin-for-life Brits, and my lovely Amy who listens to me when I whine, consoles me when I cry, leaves fuckawesome reviews and gives me a royal kick in the ass when I need that too. I love you, bb!!!