A/N: evenin bellllllllllllerz!

hey kella kels! How was your sunday??

peachy keen. went by waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too fast. yours?

same same. But dude.... this kinda made my sunday :)

all the pov goodness? i bet we have way more fun writing the fanfic than the owner of these characters, SMeyer had making the original fic up.

Prolly. Cause she couldn't do fun things... like swear and write lemons :)

How true. So you know what's fun too?

Getting reviews???

DING DING DING!!!!!!!! Definitely.

Awesome! So maybe these readers should leave us some?

Yep, great suggestion. You're definitely the brains of this operation :)

Nahhh, sooo you it's not even funny :)

Nope, fraid not missy.

Ummm, you know im right :P But let's fight about this later, and let them read the chap... sound okay? :)

Perf - and further proof that you're the brains of this op :P

omg... :P

BPOV

At around 5:30, I thought I'd surprise Edward with takeout Italian from the infamous restaurant around the corner from his place. What I was not expecting, was to be surprised myself.

With Tanya, and a shirtless Edward behind her.

"Hello?" She asked shaking her head in my face.

"Oh, um... hi." I said startled, looking from Edward to Tanya.

"Can I help you?" She snapped a bit too condescendingly for my taste. And Jasper preferred her over me? What was I, moldy cheesy?

"Oh, um, uh.." I stuttered trying to think of an excuse to be here.

"Oh. Um. Uh?" She asked looking at me pointedly. "Ben's not here."

That was when I remembered the lies that had been told and I internally sighed with relief. "Oh, I know. Edward was working today and asked for my help so I brought food since I know he probably won't let us go out to grab some later."

She smirked and glanced back at Edward before returning her gaze to me. "Edward's taking a little break. And I can make sure he's fed." She spat icily sweet. She oozed phoneyness and I couldn't understand how he put up with her. But then I looked back to him and realized he hadn't said a word, or moved for that matter and was in fact, still shirtless. My body resisted the urge to vomit at the idea of what they were doing.

They were still a couple. They still did couple things. Like have sex. My stomach churned as the thought sped across my mind and I felt Tanya yank the paper bag from my hand. "Edward will reimburse you. Come back in an hour, okay? He'll be ready for you then."

She smiled an almost genuine smile. "We're in the middle of something. You understand." I couldn't do anything but take a breath and look at Edward who was standing there, his mouth slightly parted and shaking his head.

I nodded. "Okay. Only an hour?" Tanya smirked, looking back at Edward her eyes not leaving his body as she spoke to me. "Better make that two, we have a lot of making up to do."

My body tense and I nodded. "Okay, two." She smiled appreciatively and I didn't even wait for the door to close before I turned and walked towards the elevator, thankful that it opened right away.

I couldn't be mad. I couldn't be hurt. I couldn't be jealous.

Jasper was right, he really wasn't mine and we weren't really together. Edward was doing nothing more than being with his girlfriend. I sighed heavily as the elevator doors opened and I walked to my car in the garage, repeating my version of Jasper's words in my head willing it to sink in.

He's not mine; he's Tanya's. We're not really together; he's with Tanya.

I glanced at the clock - almost 6. I could be at Emmett's around 9 if traffic wasn't too bad. Without a second thought or stopping for a change of clothes I sped off down I-5 gearing it for Portland.

EPOV

My jaw clenched as Tanya swung the door shut. "She's awfully annoying."

I tossed my shirt over my head, cursing under my breath. "She came for a reason, you know. She was expected."

She shrugged with Bella's food and headed for the kitchen. "Whatever. You can do that later."

I fumed. "No. This is my job. I have a ton to get through, and I needed her."

"C'mon." Tanya started, unpacking the paper bag. "Like you can't do that... whenever."

I slammed my fist on the counter, "This is my fucking job, Tanya. My job."

"Hobby."

I rolled my eyes walking to the door and holding it open. "Good night."

"Excuse me?" She asked, eyeing me carefully.

"Leave. Now. If you're just going to play games, I'm not into it. Good Night."

She walked over to me, her eyes hurt. "But... I thought we were working it out..."

"So did I. Then you pissed me off. Good night."

Her shoulders slumped as she walked out and I tossed the door shut without another thought. I dashed to my phone and dialed Bella.

Nothing.

Straight to voicemail.

I sighed, slumping down on my couch and closing my eyes. Her apartment? Tanya told Bella two hours, so she'd go home right? I fucking hoped so. I raced down to the volvo, and it seemed like I couldn't drive fast enough. There was always some slow ass honda in front of me or some stupid fucking light. By the time I got there, the adrenaline was pulsing though my veins, but I immediately deflated. Her car wasn't there, and her lights weren't on. I parked in a space then started banging my head on the wheel.

What the fuck.

BPOV

I rang Emmett's bell, tapping my foot impatiently as I waited for him to answer. "Emmett!" I yelled through the door and I heard him jogging closer to the door. He swung it open, brows furrowed and wearing... boxers and a t-shirt - backwards. Ew.

"Bad time?" I asked not sure which I wanted to do more - vomit or laugh. His face was flushed and he looked almost... embarrassed?

"Uh, um.. kinda?" He replied scratching the back of his neck. "What's up are you okay?"

And that's when I realized how I felt was completely fucking ridiculous. My brother had been right the other night when he said that when it came down to it Edward and I were idiots. I had no reason to be mad, and even though it the back of my mind I knew this, it took seeing Em for it to really hit me.

You can't lose something you never really had. And it broke my fucking heart to realize that, I never really had Edward.

I shook my head. "No, I was just on my way home from spending the day in Portland and thought I'd stop by." I lied, smiling up at him. He sighed with what I can only assume was relief. "You worried me for a sec there." He confessed ruffling my hair before twisting his thumbs behind him. "But, I.. uh... gotta get back?" He said questioningly, blushing all over again and grinning. I smiled and nodded. "Sounds good, I'll call you later." I replied. We said our goodbyes and I took my time driving back up to Seattle. I pulled into the parking lot of my complex a little before midnight, after hitting a patch of barren freeway and making it back in great time. My eyes fixated on the silver volvo parked a few spots down and my heart ran cold and raced at the same time.

Edward was here.

EPOV

I really don't know what happened. One minute I was calling myself an idiot and then next I was screaming as someone pounded on my window. Not bothering to open my eyes, I rolled down my window.

"Officer, I'm just waiting for someone."

"Edward? What're you doing here?" Bella asked, sounding hurt and confused.

My eyes snapped open and then I started to blink uncontrollably. "Bella? You live here."

"Yeah... I know. But what are you doing here?"

I rubbed my eyes, "Being with you. Do want me to go?" I was so groggy that I wasn't even sure what was happening. This was all a dream right?

"I don't think it's a good idea tonight, Edward."

I could feel myself pouting up at her. "Are you okay?"

"No, but I'll be fine by tomorrow." She sighed, "I'm taking tonight to remind myself that we're not really together, and you being around wouldn't help with that."

I didn't feel like arguing with her, so I didn't. I grabbed her wrist though and pulled her back to me then down so that her lips brushed against mine. "You told me not to walk away without kissing you. So I won't." I pressed her lips to mine and sleepily felt them moving with each other. I pulled away, resting my forehead against the door jam and keeping my eyes closed. I was so tired.

She let out a deep breath, "Edward you're exhausted." She paused and it was a minute before she spoke again. "I don't want you driving home when you're this tired. Come upstairs."

I yawned, "It's okay. You... you're going through... something. I'll just... go. Do you have my keys, love? I think I lost them."

She bent down and ran her hands through my hair. "They're probably upstairs. Just come up and nap for a little bit. You can go back to Tanya once you've slept a little. I don't want you driving right now."

I furrowed my brow at her, my eyes still shut. "Why? Do I have to?"

"Edward look at me."

I opened my eyes slowly.

"You're still with Tanya. As much as I'd like to, I can't forget that - especially after this afternoon." She closed her eyes, and I wanted to die. She reopened them slowly. "So you can sleep here for a few hours then I think you should go home to your home - with her." She finished, looking as though I'd murdered her.

I let her wrist go, and folded my hands in my lap. "Bella, I'm sorry about her. For the things she said, and what she implied. It wasn't right, especially with everything you've--we've been through this last week. It's not good for you, you don't deserve this." I shook my head, feeling my body waking up a little. "I'll go."

"No, just take a nap here. Then you can go. I really don't want you driving when you're this exhausted. Then you can leave once you've rested a bit, I won't even beg you to stay. Please?"

I sighed, closing my eyes again and rubbing them with the back of my hands. "I want to stay, but I want you to be okay and right now those two things don't go together. I'll stay in the car for a while longer. I'm sorry, again."

"Edward that's ridiculous. Just come upstairs. You can take my bed and rest and I'll hang out in the living room; it's fine."

I shook my head, blinking at her. "It's not fine. I can't go up there and not have you with me. I won't be able to sleep."

"Well you were going to sleep in the car just now, weren't you?" She pointed out, "What's the difference?"

"Bella, that's... our bed," I whispered. "I can't be there without you. And it's fine. You're allowed to be tired of me, so I'll go."

She huffed and narrowed her eyes at me. "Edward Cullen, this isn't up for discussion. Get out of your car and upstairs now; I'm freezing and you need sleep."

I sighed, and slowly got out of my car then followed Bella upstairs. She didn't turn on the lights, but took my hand and led me to the bedroom. "I love you," I whispered rubbing circles over her thumb.

She turned to face me, and smiled sadly. "I love you too."

I smiled softly as she lifted my sweatshirt over my head. "Like a lot."

She nodded, and pushed up on her toes to kiss my cheek as she undid my jeans. "I know you do." She whispered, "I just wish it was enough."

My smile faded and my eyes closed again, "I know."

She walked around me to the bed, where she grabbed the extra blanket and a pillow. "Sleep as long as you want tonight. I'll look for your keys and leave them on the kitchen counter if I find them."

I watched the door shut behind her then looked back at the bed. I couldn't sleep there, not without Bella. I grabbed the other pillow and a blanket from the closet then went into the tub. I knew what I had to do, I thought. It should be simple, effortless and obvious.

Then why was I having such a hard time with it?

BPOV

I found his keys while cozying up in the recliner. Apparently they'd slipped through the sides of the chair and were wedged between the metal rods and cushion. I tried sleeping in the chair with it upright, fully pulled out and eventually moved to the couch.

No dice there either. I finally gave up and resigned myself to the fact that I couldn't sleep without Edward, or at least Edward's smell that had stained my sheets. With a sigh I walked into the bathroom to take a hot shower and hopefully the exhaustion would just let sleep come eventually. I opened the bathroom door and jumped quietly, seeing a very restless Edward attempt to get comfortable in his sleep in the bath tub.

"Edward?" I whispered, though it sounded much louder with the echo from the tiles.

He sniffled and I heard the rubber squeaking sound as he tried to move around in the tub. "Bella..."

I smiled warmly and sighed, bending down beside the tub. "Edward, what're you doing in the tub?"

He looked at me as if the answer was obvious. "I can't sleep in there."

My face fell and I furrowed my eyebrows. "Why not?"

"you left." He stated simply, looking at me pointedly.

"... yeah." My confusion doubled. "But you slept without me all week."

He shook his head, making me feel like a complete moron for not getting it."It's different. Bella, that's our bed... I can't be in it without you."

I sighed and nodded, understanding completely. I nudged my head towards the bedroom. "Come on then. You can't sleep in the bathtub Edward. Let's go to bed." I replied softly, standing up.

He glanced up at me as if unsure of my motives. "you're coming, right?"

I bent down and kissed him softly, nodding against him and whispering against his lips, "I can't sleep away from you, knowing that you're here." He sat up and followed behind me into the room. I glanced at the clock grinning and taking another exaggerated breath as I slid off my shirt and wiggled out of my jeans, kicking my underwear off with them.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what are you doing?" Edward asked as he slid under the sheets. I looked at him wide eyed and a little confused at his surprise. "Edward it's 1:41."

"And at 1:41am we get naked?" He inquired, puffing out a laugh. I giggled quietly and scooted in beside him, tugging at the elastic of his boxers and hearing it slap lightly against his skin. "On Sundays we do." He grinned and adjusted his body so he could slide his boxers off.

"I love our Sunday rule." He murmured, pulling my back against his chest as his arms wrapped possessively around my stomach. I snuggled against him even closer and nodded against his shoulder. His lips fastened to my neck and I moaned softly as he nibbled on my skin. His teeth eventually stopped tasting me and I felt him press a firm kiss against my shoulder. I sighed against him, moving my hands over his and entwining our fingers.

Nothing was resolved. Everything was just as it was. But it felt like we were on the brink of something and good or bad I felt that the fork in the road would finally resolve all of this.

I just hoped he would choose me.

EPOV

I woke up the next morning groggy and disoriented. Fuck, I felt like shit. I groaned and rolled away from Bella, and curled myself in a ball. I was freezing all of a sudden.

I felt Bella start to move, and as she spoke her voice was thick with sleep. "Edward? You okay?"

I tucked my legs back up to my chest and pulled the covers tighter. "Yeah, Baby, go back to sleep."

She curled up behind me and pressed her cheek to my back. At that, she woke up in an instant. "Edward, you're clammy. Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

I shivered. "No."

Bella got out of bed, and threw my boxers and tee shirt at me. "Put those on. I'll turn up the heater."

I pulled on my boxers and my tee shirt, but once I got it over my head I was dizzy as fuck. I snapped my eyes shut and clenched one hand to the side of my head. What the fuck was this? I braced one hand on the side of the bed. The whole fucking room was spinning in blackness.

Bella came back into the room, and was immediately beside me. "Edward. What's wrong? I'm going to go to your studio and get you some real pjs and stop at Walgreens for medicine but I need to know what kind to get."

I shook my head, grabbing her wrist. "No. Don't go. Just stay with me, okay?" I didn't want to be alone. I needed her with me.

She nodded, and kissed my forehead gently. "Okay baby. I'm right here; I'm not going anywhere. I'm just going to get more blankets from the hall closet, okay?"

I nodded and curled back up under her covers. I felt like such a mess. Bella came back a second later, throwing a bunch of blankets over me. "Thanks." I mumbled. I felt the bed depress beside me and her hands smooth over the plane of my back. "Baby, you're gonna get sick." I whispered, trying not shiver.

"I'll be okay." She kissed my shoulder blade through my tee shirt then wrapped her arms and legs around me, trying to keep me warm.

I tangled my legs with hers, and even though I knew I should have told her to leave I couldn't. I needed her. "Bella, I'm sorry. For everything."

"Shh, baby... it's okay. Just rest; try and get some sleep." She kissed my shoulder again. "I love you."

"I love you, too." I whispered. I didn't deserve her, I knew. I was completely and utterly unworthy of her. She took care of me, she loved me, and she wanted me. What else could I possibly need? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

So then what the hell was the problem?

I didn't get it. I didn't understand why I was having such a hard time leaving Tanya. I had to do it. I had to. I couldn't be without Bella, or my life wouldn't work right.

I would always choose Bella. No question.