Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.
All original characters, plots, and the storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Lazykate. This story may not be reproduced or reposted without permission from the author.
xoxoxo
Just in case you missed it, I wrote an almost-completely-canon one-shot exploring that surprisingly-hot scene between Carlisle and Bella in New Moon (you know which one I'm talking about). It's called Wayfarer's Night Song and you can find it by clicking on my profile. If you'd like to know when I publish any other standalone stories, just add me to your Author Alerts. Okay, on with the story!
xoxoxo
Chapter Twenty-Two
Because he and Rosalie were leaving that evening for British Columbia, Emmett began dropping several not-so-subtle hints about starting my gradual desensitization to humans. He claimed that it was because the family would need him there in case I "went rabid," but truthfully I think he was secretly worried about missing out on any of the potential fun. Not that Emmett wanted to see me lose control, but he certainly didn't want to hear about it second-hand either.
So with Carlisle's approval, Jasper's watchful eye, Emmett's bulk, and my Edward's encouraging smile to support me, we found ourselves waiting in the woods just out of sight of the main highway that ran closest to our home. It was an early Monday morning, and Edward assured me that there would be enough cars going by to present a challenge, but not so many that it would be overwhelming to me.
I huddled back against the thick spruce tree that I'd willed myself to stay attached to, almost dazed by the smells and sounds that drifted to me across the snow. I hadn't been so close to the highway since my change, and there was just so much to take in: the unpleasant scents of asphalt and exhaust; the high-pitched whine and then roars of the engines as cars and trucks flew past us; the noise of stereos and snippets of conversations. Woven amongst all of it, though, was the scent of the humans in those cars, and the blood that coursed through their veins.
If Edward had told me beforehand that I'd be able to smell a human's blood from sixty feet away as the car encasing their fragile body flew by at seventy miles an hour, I wouldn't have believed him. Of course vampires' senses were amplified, I was aware of that, but those had inevitable limits, and I would never have believed that even a newborn's keen hunting instincts could have picked out that delectable aroma from amongst all the other sensory noise. I would have been wrong.
Unlike my previous encounter with a human, though, I was genuinely surprised to find this temptation was manageable. The scents were fainter, although no less appealing, but they called to me in a more seductive manner, as opposed to an overwhelming one. It was intoxicating and fascinating; I wanted it badly, but at no point did I feel the urge to lunge towards the highway and cause an accident just to get at the people in those cars.
"Well, this is boring as hell," Emmett complained after a few hours. They'd gathered around my spot under the spruce, none of them as tense or guarded as they'd all been earlier. With each passing car, I inhaled deeply, letting the lovely faint human scent bathe my lungs, forcing myself to become accustomed to it even as I tried to get my brain to associate it with revulsion. So far I hadn't been that successful, but even the growing familiarity gave me hope.
Jasper smiled faintly; evidently Alice had given him her vision of his day before we'd even ventured out. "Serves you right for thinking you'd get a free show, Emmett."
"He's just mad because he was such a pain in the ass his first few years," Edward added, rubbing his thumb over my hand, clasped tightly in his own. "I'm amazed Rosalie thought you were worth it, considering how much she hates to move, and how often we had to because of your slip-ups."
"Not fair, that was ages ago," Emmett objected. He and his two brothers continued their friendly verbal sparring even as another car flew past, and I quickly inhaled the scents it left behind. Cigarette smoke, ugh.
Absentmindedly, I made an effort to shield first Emmett, and then Jasper, and failed with both again. Out of respect for Edward's concern, I had substantially cut back on my efforts to manipulate my shield, but still worked on it sporadically throughout the day. The only change I could discern was that it was easier to zero in on whomever I was trying to shield, to sense their proximity to me, to see where they were with my mind and not just my eyes.
Ever since shielding Edward while we made love, however, I'd been encasing him in it more often than not. I knew it made him happy, he knew it caused no additional strain on me, and in a small way it was like recapturing what we'd lost in my change. He still couldn't read my mind, but in our most intimate moments, as I was shielding him, he swore that his awareness of me was amplified in every other way possible.
"It was almost like I could feel you inside of me," he'd said softly, after the first time. "Not so much that we were combined, but that you had me completely wrapped up in you. You could have taken away all my other senses and I still would have known you were there."
"But you couldn't read my mind?"
He'd shook his head slowly, then gently reached out to stroke my face. "No, but it was better. Being in your mind was so perfect, but this… this felt like you were inside mine. I can't think of a better way to explain it right now."
We hadn't shared our new revelation with anyone else in the family, mutually agreeing that it was too personal of a detail and not relevant enough to mention. It was enough that the two of us felt it.
"Well, can't we at least drive to town and back or something?" Emmett's voice broke into my thoughts. "I bet you'd like that, huh Bella? Get out for once, go for a ride in the car?"
"You're making me sound like a dog, Emmett," I replied, my attention only half on him. Another car drove by, and this one had the window slightly cracked open, allowing a stronger wave of the rich, warm scent to float across the frigid air to me. Venom immediately began pooling more thickly in my mouth, and I gripped Edward's hand tightly. He squeezed it back and smiled at me.
"Nah, although if you started chasing the cars I would say you were acting like one. It's just… nothing is going to happen here, so it's a waste of time."
"How do you feel, Bella?" Jasper inquired, and I turned to smile faintly at him. He hadn't been able to sense or influence my emotions at all since my change, since my shield was up all the time. "I feel…okay. Thirsty. But it's manageable right now."
"I don't think we should push it," Edward said cautiously.
"Emmett might be right, though," Jasper mused. "She's obviously handling this fine; she's acknowledging the temptation without giving in to it. We could take Carlisle's car and you two could sit in the back with her. We've got to start some time."
I could feel Edward tensing beside me, ready to object, and I squeezed his hand again. "I think Jasper has a point," I whispered.
"Hell yeah!" Emmett whooped. "Let's go get the car and go!"
Jasper cocked his head and then grinned. "No need, evidently Alice agrees with us."
We all heard it then too, the smooth purr of Carlisle's Mercedes as it wound its way quickly down the drive. Within a moment, it stopped close by, and Alice rolled down the window. "I'm going too!" she sang, "And I get to drive!"
"You all need to stop treating this like a field trip," Edward grumbled as Jasper chuckled and made his way around to the front passenger door. Emmett hopped into the back without hesitation, leaving just Edward and I on the driveway.
"Stop worrying," I told him softly, before leaning up to kiss his lips. "I'll be okay. We already know I'll be okay."
"When it comes to you, Bella, I will never stop worrying, but yes, you're right. Just remember to…" He stopped and then shook his head, laughing a little. "I sound like an overprotective mother, don't I?"
"A little. But it shows that you care."
He took a deep breath. "Well, in that case, let's get going." He opened the rear door and allowed me to slide in beside Emmett, who took up more than his share of the backseat. Edward slammed the door behind us and Alice immediately gunned the engine, pulling out onto the highway and flying towards town.
It was a strangely ordinary scene; Jasper was fiddling with the radio as Alice laughingly warned him about changing Carlisle's pre-set stations, and Emmett was leaning forward to comment on the music. Edward sat quietly beside me, holding my hand and rubbing it gently. It was like a faint echo of a scene from my human life, but despite the normalcy, I couldn't help the flutter of anxiety that began rattling in my chest.
I hadn't been in a car since arriving in Alaska a month and a half ago, but the last time I'd been in this very same spot, I'd been suffering excruciating pain that ran through every inch of my body. The memory of it came roaring back to me then: Carlisle's terse words, Edward's arms holding me tight. I remembered staring unblinking out the window, watching the trees whip by in a blur of green, desperately searching for anything to distract me from the pain. I'd looked at the interior roof for hours, gripped the leather seat that sat under me now, and the whole time I'd been burning.
"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward's voice was low, but urgent, and the babble of the other three vampires immediately stopped.
"I… I don't want to be in here," I whispered, my anxiety slowly starting to grow into panic.
"We can turn around… just tell me what's wrong!"
I couldn't verbalize it, though; my reaction was so strange and unfamiliar. I'd adapted easily enough to the lack of physical response we had to most things; vampires simply didn't have the same bodies or systems as humans. If we still had some form of endorphins or adrenaline, they didn't affect us the same way.
Emotionally, however, everything had been amplified in my change. I felt love, lust, anger, protectiveness, and anxiety in a much more keen and powerful sense. And although my heart could no longer pound and I couldn't break out into a sweat as alarm gripped me more tightly, the emotion of it affected me just as forcefully. It was as though my fight or flight instinct was kicking into overdrive.
On some level, ridiculous as it was, I was having a visceral reaction to being in this car, in the backseat where I'd spent hours in agony, feeling my body die in Edward's arms. I was boxed in, I couldn't escape, and in my panic, I was ready to claw a hole through the roof or punch my way out through the back window, just to get away.
"Alice, pull over," Edward snapped, pulling me out of the car before it had even fully stopped. The moment I was outside of the car, back in the crisp clean air, I went completely rigid in a desperate attempt to get myself under control.
"Bella…" Edward's soft voice was pleading with me, and I gave him the only answer I could understand myself.
"I… I can't get back in there."
He stared at me a moment more, and then understanding slowly dawned over his face.
"What is it?" I heard Alice's voice, her little hand soothingly stroking my arm.
"Carlisle's car… the last time she was in it…"
"Oh," she said quietly. "I didn't even think of that."
"Neither did I," Edward replied, before wrapping me tightly in his arms. I buried my face in his neck, trying to will the panic away.
"I'm sorry… I…" My voice was muffled against his neck, but of course he heard every word.
"Don't be sorry, love. Vampires have very powerful reactions to certain stimuli, and that includes traumatic experiences. It's completely understandable that you would associate being in that car with…"
"Edward," Alice's voice was quiet and calm. "There's a car coming. Forty-five seconds or so."
"Bella?" Edward tipped my chin up and stared directly into my eyes. I was still frozen in some kind of state of vampire shock, trying to assimilate the fear that was only barely starting to lessen. "I can carry you into the woods, we can run home…"
"No," I said immediately. Although the feeling of his arms around me was comforting, the idea of him carrying me only reinforced the memory of being incapacitated by the pain…
Edward groaned softly. "Alice, can you tell…"
"She's too volatile right now, it's affecting all our futures. But the car is going to stop…"
I faintly heard car doors slam and then Emmett and Jasper were there too, and Emmett's thick arms were reaching out to wrap around me. I withdrew from him, snarling a little.
"Don't," Alice said immediately. "She's fighting to control herself, if you try and push her…"
We could all hear the faint sound of the car approaching now, and Edward pulled me back closer to his body. My limbs felt paralyzed, and I wanted to scream with frustration. Why couldn't I just run into the woods? Why had I growled at Emmett? What was wrong with me?
"Shh, Bella, you're okay," Edward murmured into my ear. "You'll be all right. I'll explain everything in a moment. For now, just hold your breath, and don't look directly at them."
I immediately sucked in a breath and held it, then pushed my face back into Edward's neck. One of his hands moved up to stroke the back of my head, while the other arm latched tightly around my waist. We all heard the whine of an engine as it slowly downshifted, and I felt the vibration shiver up from the road and into my legs as a car pulled up alongside us, then a squeaking hum as the window rolled down.
"You having car trouble?" The voice was friendly and cheerful, but with it came a puff of warmth that caressed my skin. I still held my breath, but I couldn't block out the sound of two heartbeats, the blood whooshing through veins in the most delicious of noises. I trembled a little and felt Edward's arm tighten around my waist.
"No car trouble," Alice chirped, sounding remarkably at ease. "Our friend got carsick and we had to pull over. But thank you for stopping."
"Oh my, where are your coats?" Another voice, distinctly maternal and concerned. "You all are going to freeze!"
"They're in the car. We had to stop suddenly, just a minute or so ago. Don't worry, we're going to turn around and go home, I think."
"Are you sure? I hate to leave you all out here if you need any help…"
"We're sure," Alice assured him. "We live close by, but thank you for your concern, and for stopping. Edward, why don't you help Bella back into the car?"
I tensed the moment she said the words, but Edward was already whispering to me, too low and quick for the humans to make out. "We won't get in, love, just pretend that we are, so they'll leave. They're concerned."
With the gentle pressure of his arm around my back, I forced my feet to move, and took tiny steps that were more like a broken shuffle. I heard Alice telling the humans goodbye and the car pull away, and I finally allowed myself one deep breath. The scent and the warmth were still there around us, and almost immediately my vision began to tint red. A faint growl of frustration tore from my lips, and in a split second I wrenched out of Edward's arms and was running, down the highway for a few hundred yards, and then plunging into the forest.
I could hear footsteps behind me, and I knew at least one set had to be Edward's, but I couldn't make myself stop. I felt completely out of control, as though my mind and body were operating under orders from someone else, and it terrified me. There was too much, all at once, and it was all too overwhelming for me to process at the moment.
I don't know how long I ran before I finally felt Edward's hand catch mine. He didn't pull or try to stop me, though, just continued silently running alongside me. He was simply there, holding me, supporting me, just as he always did.
That thought was what finally cut me in two, and I stopped abruptly, and then slowly crumpled to the ground. Edward's arms were immediately around me, pulling me tightly against him, rocking me almost like a child. I was sobbing tearlessly, still wrenched in a thousand different directions by emotions I didn't understand and couldn't get a grasp on long enough to even recognize them for what they were.
"What's wrong with me?" I cried.
"There's nothing wrong with you, love," he replied immediately, his voice firm.
"Why can't I be normal? I don't understand…"
"Bella, believe it or not, you're acting more like a 'normal' newborn now than you have since your change. Do you understand now why we've all been amazed at how calm, how grounded you are? Too many things happened all at once, and you reacted exactly as any other newborn would."
"I hate this, oh God, I hate feeling this way, but I don't… I don't hate you… oh God…" I could hear myself babbling, but once again it was as though someone else's brain had taken over completely.
"I know, love, I know." He kept rocking me, pressing hard kisses against my head. "Just let it out, get it all out, and you'll feel better, I promise."
Edward had never broken a promise to me, and I desperately grasped onto that. I kept weeping into his neck, although the sensation of crying without tears was utterly bizarre and only added to my confusion. We sat for a long time until my shaking began to ease.
"Tell me what happened to me." Even my voice didn't sound like my own, too small and far away.
"You had a completely understandable reaction to being back in Carlisle's car," Edward replied gently. "The last time you'd seen it, you'd just been in a horrific accident, and were in the excruciating process of your change. We may not be human, but we do have emotions and emotional responses. Vampires' reactions to danger, or to a situation that was traumatic, can be especially drastic."
"Why couldn't I run away?"
"We've all seen it happen before. I suppose it's our version of going into shock. You went right from a panic reaction to the pressure of knowing that two humans were coming close enough for you to kill. Your brain short-circuited for a moment, for lack of a better term."
I nodded against him, that was a very apt description of how I'd felt.
"Just because we have higher and faster brain function than human beings doesn't mean we're infallible, love. If you were to suddenly announce to me that you were pregnant, for example, I'm sure I'd go into shock."
I choked out a little laugh against his neck. "Yes. It just seems so irrational, though, being afraid of a car."
He kept rocking me for a moment before he spoke again. "Emmett was petrified of bears for a long time, did you know that?"
I sat up a little and looked at him, a ray of surprise making its way into my brain. "Really?"
"Yes, and he'll probably be mad that I told you, but he'll just have to get over it. Emmett was being mauled to death by a bear when Rosalie found him, and he was conscious the entire time, even up to when she was carrying him back to Carlisle. It was a very traumatic experience, to say the least, and the first time he saw a bear after his change, he had much the same response as you did. Now he just manifests it by preferring them as prey."
I took a deep breath, feeling a little less ashamed of my earlier reaction. "I felt like I wasn't in control of myself anymore."
"In some ways you weren't. We're more governed by our instincts than humans, remember? Newborn instincts are all about self-preservation, and you were trying to protect yourself, yet at the same time you had the presence of mind to resist the humans. You will never cease to amaze me, my love."
I squeezed my eyes shut and curled more tightly into him. "I guess I failed the desensitization test, huh?"
"Not at all. You passed with flying colors. I wonder exactly how differently the morning would have turned out if Alice had chosen my car, or Emmett's Jeep. I know Alice saw us driving through town and then later getting home fine. Your reaction to Carlisle's car couldn't have been foreseen."
We were quiet again for a while before he broke the silence. "I want to take you away from here, Bella. I love being here with our family, and I know you do too, but I think some time for just the two of us is in order. Time away from pressure and worry, away from the feeling that you're being observed or studied. Just the two of us, a newly-married couple enjoying time together alone."
"Okay," I whispered. The idea of leaving the rest of the family made me sad, but the prospect of being alone with Edward and having no obligations or worries was incredibly appealing.
Edward gently traced the tip of his finger over my lips, love evident in the gesture. "I've already spoken with Carlisle and Esme about the island off Brazil, and they've loaned it to us for as long as we'd like it, with their blessings. Carlisle thinks we can arrange private jet flights the entire way, with a minimum of human interaction. There will be some, of course, but we can bring along some animal blood in case you need it."
I couldn't help but smile at the idea. "Can you really do that? Carry-on blood?"
"Sure, Jasper always does in the rare event that he flies, since it's more difficult for him to be in that environment."
"When?"
"Whenever you want, love. Emmett or Jasper might come along with us on the trip there, just in case, but then it will be just you and I, for as long as we want."
"Irina is coming tomorrow morning," I reminded him, and I felt him chuckle under me.
"Well, we'll need at least a week or so to plan. But I'll have Esme notify the caretaker crew to open up and clean the house. They'll come out once a week or so while we're there."
"Okay." I sighed against him again, and then straightened up a little, feeling more like myself. "Where are the others?"
"They followed you too, but they left when you stopped. Alice could see my future, and knew that you would be okay."
"Where are we?"
"Just outside of Wasilla." His words were light.
I blinked in surprise, and then tilted my head back to take in the air surrounding us. He was right: it was faint, but the scent of humans and human habitation was stronger and more concentrated here. I felt the burn begin in my throat, but again it was tempting, not overwhelming. "You aren't worried?"
Edward shook his head. "It's a fine line, Bella… I don't want to place undue pressure on you when I tell you that you don't give yourself enough credit, or that you are the most controlled newborn any of us have ever seen. But at the same time, you are. You shouldn't feel as though you have to constantly work on something you've already achieved. And your strength earlier was truly an eye-opener for me."
"That doesn't mean you'll let your guard down though, right?" I asked cautiously.
"No love, as long as you promise to do the same thing for me, should I ever need it."
I took a deep breath again, sifting through the different scents that bombarded me. Some were pleasant, some made me thirsty, and some smelled downright revolting. "How far are we from town?"
"Not even a mile."
"How close can we get?"
His golden eyes studied me for a moment, but there was nothing but calm confidence in them. "As close as you feel you can, or should."
"Can we go into town?"
"If you think you can. It looks like it will be overcast all day." The absolute trust in his voice shook me for a moment, but I reminded myself that he would never let me try if he genuinely thought I couldn't do it.
"Let's just see how close I can get, okay?"
"Okay," he said simply, before standing with me still in his arms.
"Edward?"
"Yes, love?"
"Is this a crazy idea?"
He threw his head back and laughed. "Jasper would probably think so, but I'm starting to think that all the planning and build-up and anticipation make it harder than it would be for you otherwise. I trust you. If you feel your control is starting to be tested too strongly, we'll turn around and leave. It's as simple as that."
"Uh-huh," I muttered, appreciating his confidence. He finally set me on my feet and then cupped my face in his hands, kissing me firmly.
"Keep in mind that neither of us is dressed for the weather, though, so we'll either have to go buy some appropriate-looking outerwear, or stay just out of sight."
"All right… I guess we'll just play it by ear?"
He reached down to capture my hand in his and we began walking in the direction of the town, as casually as though we were on a leisurely stroll. In no time we had arrived where the treeline of the forest broke onto one of the main roads, and Edward looked down at me, his crooked grin making me feel a little braver. "Doing okay?"
I nodded, and then cautiously took a deep breath. The scents roared into my nose and throat; a million different pieces of sensory input at once, all that was warm and attractive about humans mixing with the less-appealing aspects of the town and civilization. I stood blinking, letting my brain assimilate and catalog every piece of information that bombarded it. The burn in my throat intensified, but it was still manageable. "I'm okay."
"Want to see the sights?"
I nodded slowly and Edward tugged my hand, leading us towards what appeared to be something of a small shopping district. Now I could see people as well as hear and smell them, and I ground my teeth together as venom flowed into my mouth again. People in cars, people hurrying to and fro in heavy winter coats, their heads bent against wind which I assumed must have been icy to their warm skin.
Luckily we didn't have to press too far in before Edward stopped in front of a small sporting goods and outfitters store. A brief memory flashed through my mind, Newton's, even as Edward spoke. "We need to get coats on, immediately, before we attract any attention. Would you like to come inside with me or wait out here? If you want to wait outside, you may want to go just out of view of the main street."
I gaped at him for a moment before collecting myself. The notion of being in an enclosed environment with humans was frightening, but the idea of being without Edward, my anchor, was more so. "I'll, um, come inside."
"Okay." He squeezed my hand again and led me to the front door, pulling it open for me to step through first. My death grip on his hand made it a little difficult to maneuver, but we managed. A bell on the door tinkled, announcing our presence, and I jumped.
"Remember to move slowly, Bella," Edward said in a low voice as a friendly-looking man approached us.
"Hiya folks, welcome to McAllister's. I sure hope you're gonna tell me you're in the market for a couple of heavy coats."
"We are," Edward said easily. "This is my wife's first visit to Wasilla, and she wanted to take a walk around the town, but we didn't bring our heavier jackets."
The man smiled at me, although I could tell he was taken slightly aback by my appearance. I gave him a tense close-mouthed smile in return, clenching my jaws together. Thanks to my regular and copious diet of animal blood, my eyes had faded to a very dark maroon, the red was only really visible if the light caught them just right, but I was sure I looked more than slightly odd in my stance and cool attitude. A little bit of red mist seemed to swirl around the man Albert, his nametag says Albert and he smelled so good, his steadily-beating heart sounded even better, but I swallowed back the venom even as I shivered slightly.
"Well, let's get something for the lady first. Was there something specific you were looking for? A certain brand or style?"
"Umm," I replied uncertainly, somewhat muffled with my teeth still clenched together. "No?"
"Well, you look to be about my daughter's size, so let's start with that. What color would you like?"
"I like blue." This I managed to say with only my front teeth clenched together. His scent was becoming a little more tolerable, but I didn't dare completely relax.
"Blue would be lovely on you. Here, try this one on, and there's another one just over there I'm gonna grab for you…"
Edward helped me shrug into the coat and then spoke rapidly as Albert strode away. "You do remind him of his daughter. She's pregnant now with what's going to be his first grandchild. And he thinks you're extremely shy."
I nodded as Edward snuggled the coat around me and then zipped it up. I was glad that he had shared that information from Albert's mind, it made it easier to remember that although he was a human, he had a family, he had a life… just as I did. I managed to give him a slightly more genuine smile when he returned with another coat over his arm.
"Now that looks just lovely on you, ma'am."
"Bella." The word was out of my mouth before I even realized it. "You can call me Bella."
"Well, Bella, that blue suits you perfectly, just lovely. Would you like to try this one on as well?"
I took another careful breath. The red around him intensified, and then faded slightly, in time with his pulse. "Yes please."
"And you, sir, can start looking at the men's selection if you like, they're right over there."
I froze halfway through unzipping the jacket, but Edward gave my hand a confident squeeze and then relaxed his fingers. He wasn't pushing my hand away, he was giving me the option of letting go myself. For the briefest moment, I almost panicked, the red deepened, and the store seemed to contract around us. Then I looked up and saw Edward's golden eyes, and the unconditional encouragement in them.
I can do this, I told myself firmly, then slowly untangled my fingers from his. I immediately felt the loss of physical contact, and almost as a reflex, I pulled him into my shield. He sensed it and gave me a faint smile, then turned and began casually perusing the men's jacket selections.
"All right Bella, I'll just hold that one for you, and you try this one on."
Albert. I turned back to him, already unzipping the coat I wore the rest of the way. The burn in my throat was intensifying, but it was making me more anxious than anything else. I knew Edward wouldn't let me hurt or kill this man, but what if I tried, what if I…
"Bella, calm down, you're fine," came Edward's low voice, his back still to me. I gulped back another mouthful of venom and slipped into the new jacket, a paler blue with a more stylish tailored cut.
"I, um, I think I like this one," I murmured. "Edward?"
He turned and his immediate smile was my answer. "I like that one better too, love. Now all you need are a hat and gloves to match, and we'll be all set."
Albert led me over to that section of the small store, and I grew more nervous as the distance widened between Edward and I. As if he could feel it too, he finally plucked a heavy black coat off the rack and strolled easily over to where Albert was trying to interest me in knitted hats and mittens. I gave Edward a quick desperate look; my anxiety was building painfully, and the red in my vision wasn't fading in the slightest now.
"Oh my, we'd better get going!" Edward said smoothly, interrupting Albert's story about a woman in town who hand-knit all the wool items. "Let's just take those, and we'll be on our way."
"Sure enough," Albert replied amiably, scooping up the items that Edward indicated for both myself and him. We went up to the cash register where Albert offered me a pair of scissors to cut the tags off our purchases, and Edward handed him his black credit card. I was carefully trying to manipulate the scissors without breaking them when Albert let out a startled laugh.
"Cullen, huh?" He was staring at the front of Edward's credit card. "Any relation to the family that owns the Cullen Hunting Lodge up the road aways?"
"Yes," Edward said shortly. "That is our family."
"Oh, well I tell ya, there were a lot of folks disappointed to hear you wouldn't be renting it out anymore, myself included. Such a nice place, and a great caretaker and chef you had working for you. I had quite a few wonderful dinners there."
A slight bubble of hysterical laughter shook me, and I tried to fight it down. Edward grimaced slightly. "Yes, my family and I decided to move here to allow my wife to recuperate from a long illness. It will not be available to the public again in the foreseeable future, as we need our privacy for now. If you could spread the word, we'd sincerely appreciate it."
"Will do," Albert agreed. "Here's your card back, and your receipt. I'm sorry to hear you've been sick, Mrs. Cullen… ah, Bella. And I hope to see you both again, don't hesitate to stop in even just to say hi if you're in town, okay?"
"We will. Thank you," Edward said over his shoulder, already guiding me to the door. The moment we stepped outside I was dragging deep ragged breaths of fresh air into my lungs, trying to purge the red from my vision. The scent and sight of humans outdoors was nothing at all now compared to what I'd just gone through.
"Well," Edward drawled, tugging my knit hat onto my head and over my ears, "I'd say you passed that test with remarkable aplomb, Mrs. Cullen."
"Wonderful dinners," I giggled, still feeling slightly hysterical.
"Yes, I hope he never comes to discover the irony of that statement. How are you feeling?"
"I don't know… a lot of different things."
"Do you want to go home?"
"No!" I cast a quick look up and down the street we were on with interest, suddenly realizing how isolated Edward and I had been for the past month and a half. "I'm okay. I'll tell you if we need to go. But I don't think anything about being outside could be worse than that."
"Agreed." He flashed me a dazzling smile. "Shall we?"
We walked around exploring for the next two hours. Edward had been here many years before, of course, but the town had grown enormously since then. He mentioned that Anchorage was only about forty miles to the southwest, and that many of the town's residents commuted there on a daily basis.
We drew our fair share of surprised looks, and Edward explained quietly that not only were strangers unusual in town this time of year, our extraordinary appearances were catching attention as well. The people seemed to be friendly, however, and more than one person nodded or smiled as we passed them by.
I could feel myself becoming almost fatigued, however. Although dealing with the human scent was much easier in the open air, its appeal began to creep up over me again, and it became harder and harder for me to ignore. Knowing that I was approaching my limit, Edward guided us back towards the forest we'd emerged from. After we'd faded far enough back into the woods to be invisible to passers-by, he wrapped his arms around me and pushed me up against a tree, planting a firm kiss on my lips. "I'm so proud of you, love."
I blinked at him, feeling somewhat dazed. "I can't believe how tired I feel. Not physically, but mentally, I'm almost exhausted."
"I know exactly what you mean," he reassured me, before pressing another kiss to my lips. "Now you know how I felt after every single class we had together. Restraining yourself from doing something that you are designed to do is emotionally draining, even for vampires."
"But I did it," I whispered, the enormity of what we'd done suddenly hitting me full-force.
"Yes, you did it, love. I figured you could. I think we both just needed to get away from the watchful eyes of the rest of our family. They have good intentions, and they don't want to see you hurt, but I think the end result was too much pressure."
"Yes," I agreed thoughtfully. "But I'm glad we left when we did."
"Me too."
"I ought to make you carry me."
He crooked an eyebrow at me. "Hop on, then."
"Are you serious?"
"Sure, why not? Just because you can run almost as fast as me doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy running with you wrapped around me."
"Ha," I scoffed, pushing him away. "Who beat who the last time we raced?"
He rolled his eyes. "Do you want a ride or not?"
I laughed, suddenly feeling much freer than I had in a long time. Edward pivoted and I hopped onto his back, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his shoulders, leaving me free to caress his cheek with my lips as he flew effortlessly through the trees.
"I used to fantasize about carrying you like this, you know," he confessed after a moment.
"While I was still human?"
"Yes. I know it sounds crazy, but I loved the idea of running with you on my back. I only got to do it once, but I thoroughly enjoyed it."
"I'm enjoying it now," I murmured in his ear. "We can do this again any time. I like you carrying me."
"Would you like to leave for Isle Esme as soon as possible?" he asked, abruptly switching topics.
"Yes… I think I would. Sand and sun would be a nice change from snow and ice for now."
"Sand, sun, and isolation," he reminded me. "You could run around naked and sparkling all day long."
I couldn't help it, I laughed. "I think I would like that."
"I know I would," he retorted. "So I have you all to myself for the rest of the day and evening, then Irina is coming tomorrow, and then we'll start plans for relocating to Isle Esme."
"Don't say that out loud," I cautioned him. "All our plans have a mysterious way of getting screwed up at the last minute, remember?"
"Fine." He heaved out an exaggerated sigh. "Just do me a favor and be packed and ready to go by the end of the week, okay?"
I giggled and pressed my lips against his jaw again. By the time we arrived back home, he deliberately ignored the main house and went directly to our cottage. Esme had already repaired the doorknob and more furniture was on order, but Edward flew through the room and leapt up the stairs, I only loosened my grip on him when he eased me down onto the bed, his lips already descending to meet mine.
xoxoxoxo
Interminable hours later, Edward lazily ran his nose up and down along my jawline. "When is Irina due to arrive?"
"Umm, sometime this morning," I murmured in return, twisting my body closer to his. I almost wished that our cousin wasn't scheduled to visit, but at the same time I was looking forward to Irina's arrival. The quietest and least pushy of the three Denali sisters, Edward and I agreed that she would be the most ideal tutor for me when it came to my shield.
"I'm sure she'll go to the main house first," he breathed against my neck. "They can keep her entertained, we have plenty of time here…"
As always, I needed little to no persuasion, and it wasn't until several more hours later that Edward and I pulled reluctantly apart.
"Don't worry," Edward reassured me, after we shared a leisurely shower together and then began dressing. "She loves debating history with Jasper. Evidently, they were living in New York during the Civil War and their North verses South discussions can get… heated."
"I'll remember to steer clear of that topic," I replied dryly, tugging on a snug white t-shirt. I caught Edward's eyes as he watched me slide the material down over my body and gave him a half-scowl. "Stop looking at me like that. It will make me want to rip everything back off again and say to hell with it."
"And the problem with that would be…?"
I huffed and he laughed, pulling on his own shirt. "Irina has the patience of a saint. I assure you, she'll have been fine waiting for us."
We ran up to the main house together, only to find the living room empty but for Esme, poring over a new book on architecture she'd ordered. She smiled as she looked up to see us hand-in-hand.
"I was wondering when the two of you would emerge. Alice told me your trip into town went well?"
I sank down onto the couch next to the woman I thought of as my adopted mother. "Yes, it wasn't easy or fun, but I would count it as a success."
She hummed happily. "You missed Rosalie and Emmett leaving, but they'll be back in three days. The car show Rosalie is so set on seeing only runs that long."
"Esme," I paused, suddenly shy. "Thank you for offering your island to us. I think a vacation like that is exactly what we need at the moment."
Esme smiled fondly, closing her book and reaching out her hand to me. "I'm glad, dear. I'm always happiest when all my family is together, around me, but sometimes we need time alone with our mates. The intensity is too much to be shared with others, from time to time."
"Yes, exactly," I said immediately. "I'll miss you, but I know I'll be all the more happy when we return."
She gave me a conspiratorial smile. "You ought to lean on Edward for an Isle Bella, you know."
I giggled and Edward chuckled softly too. "What an excellent Valentine's Day gift, Esme. Thank you for the idea."
We were all still laughing when Carlisle emerged from his study, a faintly-amused smile on his face as well. I could tell how happy it made him to see his family light-hearted and enjoying themselves, especially after how disastrously the previous day could have ended. "Hello Bella, Edward," he greeted us. "I'm surprised you aren't out practicing with Irina."
My smile faded a little as a stab of guilt hit me. "Is she here? We thought she'd have come inside, not waited for us to arrive."
Carlisle frowned. "We haven't seen her, but we assumed she'd just gone straight to your cottage. She was due to arrive this morning, wasn't she?"
As one, all four of our heads snapped to the grandfather clock that sat ticking stoically against the wall, showing that the time was exactly 1:54pm.
"We haven't seen her," Edward said slowly. "Maybe there was a change of plans? Alice?"
He didn't raise his voice at all, but of course Alice heard him and came bounding down the steps a few minutes later, her pretty face confused. Jasper was close behind her. "I don't know… I wasn't watching for her, but I don't see anything now."
"You don't see anything for her at all?" Carlisle asked immediately, and Alice's eyes took on a vacant expression, only to fade back into worry when she returned to us.
"No. I don't see anything."
"If it were anyone else…" Edward murmured, but Carlisle had already pulled his cell phone from his pocket, dialing Eleazar.
"What do you mean, if it were anyone else?" I whispered to Edward as we all listened to the faint ring of the phone on Eleazar's end.
"Irina is unfailingly punctual and reliable," he murmured back. "Tanya and Kate view time as much more flexible, and even Eleazar and Carmen are more relaxed about it. Irina runs like a clock, though. If she tells you that she will arrive at one o'clock, she arrives at one o'clock. There is no gray area for her when it comes to certain things, and time is one of them."
We all heard a click and then Eleazar's greeting as he answered Carlisle's call, and we were all completely silent for the conversation that ensued.
Irina had left their home early that morning, and should have arrived at our home hours ago. Eleazar's concern was transmitted almost physically through the little phone, and we all gravitated to stand around Carlisle while he continued his conversation. When it had concluded, he stood quietly for a moment, knowing we'd all heard every word.
"It's sunny today, and unseasonably warm, so perhaps she had to…" He stopped and shook his head, he knew as well as we did that for a vampire to have gone missing was almost incomprehensible. "She was running, not driving. Eleazar and the others are going to come through the forest in this direction, and we'll start from here and meet them halfway… or sooner."
Without another word, the six of us moved immediately, and even as Edward and I followed Carlisle and Esme out the door, my mind was churning furiously. It was a rare sunny day, had she come across a group of humans and had to take refuge in shadow until they passed? Had she somehow known that Edward and I were otherwise engaged and decided to delay her arrival? Or was there some other explanation altogether?
When we reached the treeline that marked the beginning of the forest on our property, Carlisle swung to face us. "Let's fan out, to cover more ground, but stay paired together. Don't go more than a mile from anyone else. Stay within hearing distance. Understood?"
Mutely, we all nodded. Carlisle's authority in the situation was absolutely unquestioned.
Esme and Carlisle broke off to the left, and Alice and Jasper to the right as we plunged into the forest, running fairly fast but with all our instincts keenly tuned to anything out of the ordinary among the trees.
"Edward," I whispered, hesitant to give voice to my fears, but feeling more afraid not to. "What do you think could have happened?"
He shook his head, his stride not faltering. "I genuinely don't know, love. If it were anyone else, there could be a million answers. I could see Tanya or Kate deciding to sidetrack into town, or go hunt. But Irina? No. They tease her that her gift is reliability."
"You don't think she could be… hurt, do you?" I had to force the word out, it felt foreign and silly to say out loud.
Edward frowned. "I don't see how. The only thing I can think is about the sunlight… maybe she cut through a part of the park with more people…" I glanced at the brilliant refraction of the sun off his skin, knowing that mine was equally as bright. Yes, if Irina had somehow found herself unknowingly cornered by a group of humans, I could understand the need to hide for a time… but for hours? And in mid-January?
Edward and I didn't speak again, and from time to time I could hear or sense the other members of my family running near us before spreading back out again. We were drawing closer to what I had a vague idea was the halfway point between our home and the Denali coven's when we reached a more challenging piece of terrain. It wasn't difficult for Edward and I to scramble over and around the rocks, of course, but instead of running side by side, I found myself slightly ahead of him as we continued onward.
We'd just crested a slight hill when a strange odor I'd never encountered before stung my senses, and I wrinkled my nose against it. "What in the world is that…" The rest of my sentence never made it past my lips as I suddenly felt Edward's hand clamp down like a vise around my wrist, yanking me to an abrupt stop. I twisted in one movement to see him standing frozen, his head cocked slightly to the side as he often did when listening to someone's thoughts, his lips slightly parted.
What frightened me, though, were his eyes. His pupils were so dilated that the topaz was barely visible around the black center, the white was a stark ring around that. The last time I'd seen his eyes like that was as I lay dying in his arms, his venom racing through my veins. It was a look of terror.
"Bella," he whispered, his voice so low even I almost couldn't hear him. "Run."
"What?" I asked, nearly stumbling as he pulled me closer to him. As his hand on my wrist dragged me to his side, I half-turned, and saw a very curious sight.
Smoke, purplish-black smoke, rising up thinly from the forest below us, as though it were scattered and thinned by the tree branches it wove through. It was close enough that a faint puff of wind carried an eddy in our direction, and with it came the cloying sweet smell of burning incense.
"Run," he ordered me again, this time giving me a push back in the direction from which we'd come. "Home, now."
I didn't understand, but dread was settling heavy and thick in my throat. "I'm not going anywhere without you."
In a flash, his face was close to mine, his words hissed out from between clenched teeth. "Bella…if you have ever loved me, ever trusted me… run. As fast as you can. I'll be right behind you."
"No," I gasped, the idea of running from danger with him behind me completely unacceptable. Edward's arm snapped around my waist and he was already moving, giving us the start I needed. My legs finally thawed and he lowered me enough to run on my own, pressed as close to him as I could be. Instinct completely took over as Edward's fear became my own, and we locked our hands together, both of us sprinting faster than we ever had before.
For behind us, just close enough that we could hear them, were heavy running footsteps.
Chasing us.