Unapologize
By: PricklySare
A/N: Here is the chapter you've all been waiting for. :) And it's not even at the end of the story! LOL I hope you enjoy this. I'm overwhelmed by the reviews you all have left on this story. I've had a lot of fun writing the psycho handler, Tracto's character. Meg, you're an awesome Beta and I love bouncing details off of you! You're making writing this story endlessly fun! You're awesome, Babe!
Chapter Seventeen: Steph Faces the Day
Deny, deny, deny. That was my first thought when I tried to open my eyes. Quickly followed by, Holy shit, and Oh fuck! Slamming my eyes shut I rolled over and groaned, noting that there was a distinct taste of stale tequila residing in my mouth. Ewwww. I couldn't really say I was hung over since the little men with the jack hammers were missing from my head, but my head definitely felt like it weighed more than it had when I left my apartment last night.
Maybe if I deny it long enough I can convince myself that last night hadn't really happened, that I hadn't made a complete fool of myself, irrevocably damaging my relationship...er... non-relationship with the Man of Mystery. Yeah, that's it. It didn't really happen. Welcome to the Land of Denial, current temperature, a balmy ninety-five degrees.
My name is Stephanie Plum, and I am a dumbass. Okay, well, I'm also a bounty hunter, a horrible girlfriend, a terrible daughter, and a tolerable hamster mommy...and I'm just betting that I'm soon going to be the soul resident of a jungle habitat in a yet undisclosed third world country, but that is best ignored for the time being. I am in my thirties, and have long since lost track of my actual age. A girl doesn't really need to remember something as unimportant as that, right? Priorities, I tell you. It's much more important to remember things like the number for Pino's, and the way smooth mocha latte skin felt under my hands. Shit, can't think about that.
I climbed out of my bed, stumbling into the bathroom with bleary eyes. One look in the mirror made me wish that my eyes had remained closed. My hair was more than scary; it was...Jeffrey Dahmer scary. I wasn't even sure a shower would tame it from its serial killer impersonation. Apparently, after returning from the impromptu girl's night I had decided it was easier to sleep in my clothes rather than taking them off. Let me just say, that the little black dress isn't nearly as versatile as one might be led to believe. Currently it was definitely looking the worse for wear. I'm pretty sure it's bad to feel like you're participating in a walk of shame while standing inside your own home. Turning my back on the mirror I took care of nature, turned the shower on to just this side of boiling, stripped off my clothes, and climbed in with a whimper.
An hour later I was feeling a little more human, and amazingly enough my hair no longer looked like it was a candidate for death row. I pulled on my Rangeman uniform and tried not to hyperventilate at the knowledge that last night actually happened and I was getting ready to brave the lion's den. Maybe I should just call in sick...or dead? Dead was looking like an attractive option. Much better than the third world country that undoubtedly had my name all over it.
I pulled my new-to-me Toyota Matrix into the spot that's always left open for me in the Rangeman garage. This was it. The moment of truth. Or, it would be if I could bring myself to get out of the car. I'd cranked up some Breaking Benjamin on my way over to Haywood, and it was still thumping on the speakers. With a final deep breath I pulled up my big girl panties and shut the car off. It was time to beard the lion.
Climbing out of my car I walked towards the elevator, but at the last minute veered toward the stairs. I might have put on my big girl panties, but I didn't think I could handle standing still in an elevator knowing the all seeing eye of the surveillance camera would be recording me. At least this way I would be moving. I gave a quick finger wave to the camera and headed up the stairs.
On the drive over I had formulated a plan of attack. I wasn't going to run and hide in denial; I was going to do the mature thing. I was going to talk to Ranger. I knew that the way I had acted last night had been immature and unacceptable. I was a grown up, or at least that's what I've been told. It was time to prove it. I was going to get upstairs, drop my things at my desk and head straight into his office. It was time I acted like the adult I was supposed to be and have the adult discussion we should have had a long time ago.
When I opened the stairwell door on the fifth floor I was shocked to see a wall of black blocking my way. Standing in front of me were none other than three of the men who'd witnessed my confession. "Hey, guys," I said. "What's up?"
"Steph, we need to talk to you," Tank said. Well, shit. He'd used my name instead of his typical 'Bombshell'. This wasn't good.
"Sure thing, Big Guy. Can it wait? I really need to talk to Ranger. I think it's past time he and I had a chat," I said trying to walk around them. As one they moved, blocking my path. "Something wrong, guys?" I was getting a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Surely, I wasn't already fired.
"Let's go to my office, Steph," he said stepping aside and placing his hand on my lower back to guide me toward his office. Lester and Bobby followed on our heels, and I tried to keep my eyes focused straight ahead. If I was indeed getting fired, I didn't want to see the looks of pity on the Rangemen's faces.
Stepping into the office he closed the door behind us and nudged me towards the conversation area near the window. "Sit down, Steph," he said as he lowered himself into one of the chairs. Lester and Bobby sat on the couch facing me. I noticed for the first time, how tired they looked.
"Long night?" I asked. I got identical looks of question from the three men. "You look like you haven't gotten much sleep. I figured you spent the night out on the town."
Bobby snorted, and Tank shot him a glare. What the hell was that about? There were a few moments of silence while they did their ESP communication thing, before Bobby sighed. Obviously something was bothering him, but at the moment it wasn't at the top of my list of concerns. Lester finally broke the silence, "Yeah, we didn't get much sleep, Beautiful."
"Look, Steph," Tank began before I held up my hand to cut him off. He raised a single eyebrow at me, and I had a moment of eyebrow envy. I wish I had that kind of muscle control, it could be useful.
"Is there a particular reason why suddenly you're using my name, when you haven't called me by it in the last year?" If I could put a name to the look Tank had on his face, I'd have to go with, bewildered.
"What are you talking about?" Could he really not realize how he addresses me?
"In the last year, none of you have called me, Steph or Stephanie. Tank, you always call me Bombshell. Bobby, you always call me, Bomber, and Lester, you always call me, Beautiful," I said, shaking my head. "Hell, the only time Ranger doesn't call me Babe, is when I'm in trouble, he's pissed, what he has to say is really important, or he wants to order me to do something, but he's trying to give me a choice." The guys just looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. "Well?" I asked. "Which is it?"
"We really don't ever call you Steph or Stephanie?" Bobby asked.
"Nope," I replied. "Never."
"Huh," he mumbled.
"Really guys, what's up? Is this about last night?" I asked.
Tank sighed and looked at Lester and Bobby who both just looked back at him; he sighed again and ran his hands over his bald head. "Your talk with Ranger is going to have to wait," he said.
"Okay. Why?" I was trying to ignore the feeling of impending doom that was crawling around inside my stomach. I didn't think they were going to fire me, at least it didn't seem like it; but whatever the problem was, I knew I wasn't going to like it.
"Ranger's gone," Tank said. I don't think my brain processed what he'd said right away. I think it took it a second to be able to connect his words with their actual meaning.
"Ranger's, gone?" I asked, not sure I'd heard correctly. "As in, avoiding me, gone, or off fighting evil for the sake of all humanity, gone?" The thought that he did a disappearing act the morning after we'd had earth shaking sex, not to mention my tell all confession, caused bile to rise up my throat. I took a deep breath through my nose and tried to maintain mind over matter.
If Ranger had run, then I'd just have to do exactly what I'd told Val I would do. I'd get on with my life. He could only throw me out with the trash if I allowed myself to feel like trash. I wouldn't be trash for anyone anymore. I was taken aback by the sound of Tank's laughter. I shot him a dirty look. "So glad I could amuse you, Tank," I said.
"I'm sorry, Bombshell. Just the mental image I got of Ranger with a billowing cape fighting evil, it was too much." He was shaking his head as if to clear the image. "He isn't avoiding you. The opposite in fact. He was frantic to find you last night, but before he got a chance, he got called in."
I felt my heart soar as it became clear that he hadn't done another morning after disappearing act. "So, he's 'in the wind' again," I stated. It wasn't a question. I knew.
"Yeah. He got called last night and was gone within ten minutes. It wasn't a choice. He had to go."
I wasn't sure what to think. I had woken up this morning sure that I would be taking an extended vacation in some unknown third world country, and now I was sitting there being told that Ranger had wanted to find me. "Was he mad?" I asked, looking at Tank.
"What do you mean? About leaving? He wasn't happy about getting called in on such short notice," he said.
I shook my head, "What about before the call. Was he mad, about what was said last night?"
"No, Beautiful, he wasn't mad," Lester said. "He wasn't even close to mad. At least, not at you."
Now I was confused, "Who was he mad at?"
This time Lester sighed. Wow, I must be rubbing off on them. Next thing I know they'll be rolling their eyes. "He was mad at the situation, and mad at that bitch sister of yours," he said.
"Oh," I said. There wasn't much I could say to that. Lester ran his hands thorough his spiked hair causing it to stand out every which way. Frustration was evident in every inch of his well toned body. His green eyes were blazing, and I could see the muscle in his jaw twitch. I wanted to reach out and comfort him, but I wasn't sure why he needed comfort.
Suddenly he jumped up and began pacing, my eyes flicked to Tank and I noticed he was watching Lester as well. Tank's blank face didn't give away what he was feeling. Big surprise there. "What the Hell, Beautiful! How long have you been dealing with that shit?" Lester asked while he paced.
I was shocked by his outburst, and a part of me wanted to get angry and deny any understanding of what he was talking about. For years denial had been my friend, but those days were over. It was time to face all those things I'd spent years ignoring. "My whole life, Les. Every day since I was old enough to be different." Every damn day, and I was so fucking tired.
"Beautiful, I'm sorry," he said kneeling down in front of me. "I'm sorry that they can't see the amazing person that you are."
"It's not your fault, Les. It is what it is," I told him. "But, thank you for seeing me differently." I put a hand on the side of his face and looked into his eyes. They were such an intense moss green that I found myself lost in them. If the eyes were the windows to the soul, then Lester's soul was warm and caring.
"It shouldn't be that way, Bomber." Bobby had been pretty much silent since we'd come into the office, and his voice caught my attention. I tore my gaze away from Lester's and he stood up, dropping a kiss on my forehead before folding himself back onto the couch beside Bobby.
"That might be, unfortunately my family didn't get the memo," if my voice sounded a little bitter I figured, what the Hell.
"Well, that doesn't matter anymore. You've got a family right here who loves and respects you, and couldn't be more proud of you," he said.
"Yeah, Bombshell. We all love you, and you're our family," Tank agreed.
"We'll never let you down, Beautiful. We've got your back, always," Lester promised.
My heart swelled with love for the three big mercenaries in front of me. They were right. We were a family, and they'd have my back, just like I'd have theirs. My biological family might not understand me, but this family, the family of my heart understood me better than anyone else ever could. "Thanks guys. I love you all, too."
"So, Beautiful, do you think you'll be having anymore problems with your family?" Lester asked.
I hadn't wanted to think about exactly what my family's reaction was going to be toward me, but I knew that I couldn't hide from it and I really didn't want to live in denial anymore. "Honestly, Les, I don't know. If I had to guess, I'd say that I haven't heard the last from them. I'm pretty sure it's going to get worse before it gets better. I only wish Ranger were here to back me when the shit hits the fan," I said.
"He might not be here, Bomber, but we are, and we might not be him, but we can hold our own." I couldn't help but smile at Bobby.
"You're right," I said. "You guys can definitely hold your own."
"If you need anything, anything at all, let us know," Tank said. "We don't know when Ranger will be back, or even where he is, or what his mission is; but no matter what we're all in this together and when he gets back you can have that conversation with him. I think you'll be surprised at what he'll have to say."
I stood up from my seat and stretched. "I know we are. I won't lie and say that I'm not bummed about him being gone," I said, "but, at least I know he didn't pull another morning after run like he did the last time we had sex. Once was enough for this little white girl."
The shocked looks on their faces was enough to make me laugh. "What do you mean by, 'Like the last time'? You're telling us that this wasn't the first time you guys.... uhhhh..." Lester looked baffled.
"Had sex?" I offered.
"Yeah. That," he said. I was trying really hard not to laugh; I'd never seen Lester tripping over his words. Especially when it came to sex. This was priceless. Kind of reminded me of the MasterCard commercials.
"Once, a long time ago. The morning after, he jumped out of bed so fast I almost decided he wasn't Batman. I thought that the Flash might have been more fitting. He told me to go work it out with Morelli, and that was the end of that," I told them. It was amazing how much just thinking about it still hurt. Maybe it was better that Ranger had gotten called away. It definitely took care of the morning after awkwardness.
The three men were completely speechless, and their mouths were hanging open. It was kind of cute. "So, what happened last night?" Lester finally asked, breaking the silence.
"With what?" Last night encompassed so many things I wasn't really sure what he was referring to.
"For starters, with you and Ranger. You told your sister that you'd been with him last night. That was true, wasn't it?"
"Shit, have to go for the tough questions, don't you?" I asked.
"That's what family is for," Bobby added, grinning at me like a fool.
"No, it wasn't a lie. I guess, it was just time. They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself, so, I decided to play Ranger's game. Turns out I'm pretty good at it after all."
"From the way he was acting last night, I'd have to agree with you on that," Tank said. "I've never seen him like that before. It was the damnedest thing."
"Beautiful, it really was. I watched the way he acted when he was with you after the distraction, and whatever happened between you guys last night... it changed him."
"You do realize he's in love with you, right?" Tank asked.
"I don't know, Tank. Something did change last night, but I don't really know what. His situation hasn't changed. He's still not interested in a relationship, but you know what... I'm okay with that. I love him and that's all that matters. I give him that love, freely, with no strings attached."
"He is one of the bravest men I know, and it's my turn to be brave. He once told me that courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened. He takes a stand every time he goes 'in the wind'; he takes a stand every time he brings in an FTA. It was only fair that I finally took a stand too."
"We couldn't be more proud of you," Bobby said.
"Thanks. I'm pretty proud of myself," I said with a smile.
"What are your plans now?" asked Tank
"Right now? I'm going to go to my desk and get some work done. The guy my boss left in charge can be a real slave driver," I grinned and jumped back as Tank tried to ruffle my hair.
"What about in general? What's your next step?"
"I'm going to take it one day at a time. Things are going to happen, but I'm strong enough to face them. Plus, I've got three of the best friends a girl could ask for. As for when Ranger gets back, I'll worry about that when the time comes. I do know that I won't be hiding my head in the sand anymore." I looked at the three men who were sitting in front of me and I smiled, "Let's get to work, boys. Those FTAs aren't going to catch themselves." With that I turned and walked out of the office.
Word Count: 3,324 without title or author's note
Bold words: Challenge prompts for Babe_Squad and PerfectlyPlum