Unapologize

By: PricklySare

A/N: The reviews I'm getting are just amazing me! Thank you guys. All the usual standard disclaimers apply. Once again, Thanks Meg for being an amazing sounding board and helping me get the words to come together! Without you I'd still be staring at the blinking cursor on this chapter! :) -Sare

Chapter Eighteen: Ranger Gets Dropped

The chopper landed about twenty miles outside of Los Guerreros de la Oscuridad, in the shadow of the Sierra Madre Mountains. Even though the hour was early the heat of the day was already oppressive, and I knew it was only going to get worse as the day went on and the desert continued to bake in the unrelenting sun.

Sand was being blown up by the chopper's blades as I jumped down from the cockpit and ran hunched over until I was out of the reach of the blades. The land around me was pretty much barren. A few boulders, even fewer cacti, and the occasional desert wildlife were all that was visible. I had changed from my usual black on black uniform before I'd deployed, and in its place I was wearing something very similar to the Marine Corps desert uniform.

I wasn't due to meet with my contact until tomorrow at midnight, but that still didn't leave me much time to gather my own intel. Pulling up the coordinates on my watch I began making my way toward where the compound was supposed to be located. According to the information I had the research facility was on the outer edge of Los Guerreros de la Oscuridad, surrounded by nothing but flat, desolate desert. I wasn't going to have many options as far as places to conceal myself; which was why I had to rely heavily on confidential contacts. A practice I wasn't fond of. I didn't trust most people, especially people who weren't part of my mission team; and since I didn't have a mission team this time, I didn't trust anyone.

The route to the compound wasn't horrible, the ground was pretty even, and there weren't many places for things to hide, so I didn't have to worry about being attacked by desert wildlife. However, that also meant that there was nothing between me and the sun, or between me and anyone who might just happen to have prying eyes. I never thought I would say it, but I really wished I were inside a jungle instead of out in the open in the desert. Colombian jungles were like second nature to me, Mexican deserts were like the third ring of Hell.

The hours spent walking through the desert, left my thoughts free to wander. Regardless of how hard I tried to focus on the mission ahead, I couldn't seem to control my mind. I had spent years keeping my life pared down, not allowing people to get close. It gave me freedom without attachments, and made my life easy. I'd liked it that way. Liked it just fine. I had no entanglements, no responsibilities to anyone but myself, and no concerns for my future. I lived each day like it was my last day; never planning for the future, except with Rangeman. Though, even Rangeman would survive without me.

Now I was trudging through the desert and wondering what I really had to show for my life. I was rich beyond comprehension, successful, and in all honesty a playboy. You sure about that? The little voice in my head asked. You can't be a playboy when you haven't gotten laid in over a year, Manoso. Okay, on second thought, I guess I should say I was a playboy. Well, Shit. When had everything changed? When had I stopped enjoying women on a whim? When had I started thinking about the future? A life outside of government jobs? A wife, children, family?

The little voice spoke up again. When you met Stephanie. I couldn't help but smile as I remembered the first time I met her. I was so sure she wouldn't last a week. I shook my head, man, was I ever wrong about that. When she called me after Morelli handcuffed her to her shower rod, it took every ounce of control I possessed not to lick the drops of water that had trailed down her bare stomach to her folds. I was taking cold showers for a week after that.

Steph might be from a different place, but she was one of the few people who truly understood me. She not only accepted me for who I was, but she accepted my men as well. In the relatively short time that we'd known her, she'd managed to change us all. Her complete openness was refreshing when all that the men and I had ever experienced was deceit, hidden behind a pretty face. Steph, well, she wasn't like that. She was a pretty face, but she was so much more. She was heart and soul, honor and commitment, and if I were to be honest, she was home.

She once asked me about my home, the place that I really lived. She and Lula referred to it as the Batcave, and I'd told her that it was forever. I also told her that a GPS wouldn't get her there. I'm not sure if I realized at the time, just how close she really was to that illusive home. She carries the Batcave with her where ever she goes. They say that home is where the heart is. My heart is with her. Always.

I found the memories I have of her were comforting to me, as I walked alone through the endless miles of desert toward a future that may not include me being alive. I guess that memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, and the things you never want to lose. When I got back, because I had no choice but to get back, I would finally show her the Batcave. I would open my heart, will share with her everything that is inside of me. I will love her until my dying breath, and I will use that last breath to tell her how much I always loved her.

I was tired of living on the outside of life. I was tired of making excuses, and pushing her away because I didn't want to burden her with my life. I was tired of worrying about the way my life would affect her, how she would feel if I died. Every man dies. Not every man really lives. It was time to start living.

It was full on night when I arrived at the compound. I knew from the satellite imagery that there were a few large size boulders around the outskirts of the compound that I could use for cover and surveillance. After scouting around the perimeter of the boulders I climbed onto the highest one, and settled in for the night.

The top of the boulder was smooth and flat, and I laid myself on my stomach and low crawled to the edge. There were no sounds in the desert and the sky was cloudless and full of stars. The temperature was no longer roasting, instead it was nearly freezing. Nights in the deserts were just as deadly as the days. I pulled on a serape and wrapped it around myself to ward off the chill that was creeping in. It was going to be a long, cold night. "It had to be a desert. Couldn't they have at least sent me to a jungle? A jungle would be nice," I said quietly to myself. I hated the desert.

Picking up my high powered binoculars I trained them on the perimeter of the compound. I needed to get an idea on the guard schedule, and what their security rounds were. I was only going to get one shot at getting inside, and I didn't want any more surprises than I was already going to have. This mission had FUBAR written all over it. I was surprised it wasn't stamped in big red letters on the file folder.

"Strange," I said scanning the perimeter again. "Where are the guards?" According to the file this was a highly classified, heavily guarded research facility. If that was the case, where were all the heavily armed guards? From what I could tell there weren't even unarmed guards. Something wasn't right. I could feel it in my gut.

I refocused the binoculars on the compound itself and noticed lights on in building. Looked like they were working late tonight. I focused on each of the windows looking for information, but I couldn't get anything. I needed to be closer. Behind one of those windows was the information I needed, and the threats that needed to be neutralized. I went back to scanning the perimeter. I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. There were lights on in all the windows, but no people appeared to be inside those rooms. The armed guards that I was expecting were nowhere to be seen, so what the hell was going on? What changed?

When first light hit I packed up my things and climbed down from the boulder. The night had been long and cold. I'd gathered absolutely squat for information, except that the guards were missing and it appeared that nobody was inside the lit building. I'd spent an hour considering the pros and cons of moving up my timetable and eventually decided against it. The risk was too great, and I didn't have any backup. I needed to be extra careful this time around, so that meant I'd have to wait to talk to my contact.

I changed out of my military style uniform and donned clothes that would help me to blend in. I wore a pair of white cotton pants and shirt, and had leather huaraches on my feet. I rolled my clothes up and packed them in my bag along with the serape I'd worn last night. The sun was already peeking over the horizon and the temperature was quickly rising. Today was going to be another scorcher. I needed to get to Los Guerreros and find a place to crash for the day. It had been over thirty-six hours since I'd last slept and my body was feeling each of those hours.

Getting old, Manoso. Time to get out of the game. If I were honest with myself, it was long past time to get out of the game. I just hope I wasn't too late. Things in D.C. had seemed off. Wrong, somehow. It was bothering me that I couldn't figure out what it was. I had attributed it to Tracto being upset that I didn't take her up on her offer, but I was beginning to wonder if that was really the case. It seemed like it was more than that. Like I was missing the bigger problem.

There was time later to worry about the bureaucratic bullshit back at the Nation's Capital. Right now I needed to focus on the problems at hand. I needed to talk to my contact and see what insight he had on the compound. Something had changed there, and I needed to know what and why. I didn't have as much time as I would like to be able to come up with multiple contingency plans, so I was going to be playing this one fast and loose. Steph would be amazed.

It was late morning and the sun was high in the sky when I arrived at the heart of Los Guerreros. The town was definitely not a thriving mecca of tourism. There was one rundown motel that might have running water if I was lucky, and it was next door to the only restaurant in town. It just so happens that was the same place I was meeting with my contact tonight. Least it was close by.

The air in the motel lobby was stale and smelled of sweat and cigars. Flies buzzed around the windows and a cockroach the size of a small cat ran across my sandal. Damn, I hate roaches. Fucking desert. I could deal with snakes, spiders, and all manner of nasty things that were in the most dangerous of jungles, but I absolutely hated roaches.

A place like this didn't require I.D., they didn't care who you were. This wasn't exactly a hotspot, so they didn't ask questions. Most of the people who would be inclined to stay here weren't here for any good purpose. I wasn't worried they'd remember me. I paid for my room and wondered if I would be sharing it with anymore cat sized roaches. At this point though, I was so tired that I wouldn't care as long as it didn't bother me. Hell, it could share my bed if it so desired.

Once inside the room I did a sweep to make sure I didn't have any human guests and proceeded to secure the room as best I could. That didn't entail much, since there wasn't a whole lot I could do. I settled on sliding the chain and wedging the lone chair under the knob. I placed my gun on the bedside table and stretched out on the bed, pleased to note that a roach was not currently sharing it with me.

I closed my eyes and wondered how Steph dealt with my being gone. I really hoped she didn't feel like I'd run out because of our night together. I'd really fucked up with her the last time we'd spent the night pleasuring each other, and it took months to get us back to an easy friendship. I really hoped that wouldn't be the case this time.

My last thoughts before I drifted into an exhausted sleep were of Steph in her little red dress screaming my name.

Word Count without title or A/N: 2275

Bold words: Babe_Squad Jacqueline & Lisa's May Mothers, Memorials & Sex Challenge. 2 prompts used.