Chapter 7

Sakura put on a beaten-up, old pair of jeans and a black hooded sweatshirt. There was a convenience store a few miles away and so she was headed there to buy the ice cream and chips that a slightly drunk Tomoyo was yelling at her to get. While it was only 10PM, Tomoyo had come into her apartment building three hours earlier, upset and stressed out about work and men. The woman had brought her with some alcohol, and within that three-hour period, Tomoyo had soloed it all.

Sakura, meanwhile, wasn't a fan of drinking. She vaguely remembered a night in her late teens where she'd taken in a little too much and ended up puking all over the open street. It was the worst memory of her life and she hated reliving it.

Sakura shoved her hands into her sweater pockets and looked up at the clear night sky. It wasn't that common to see hundreds of flickering bright stars, so this night must be a special one, she mused. That night when she'd confessed to Soshi, the sky looked just like this. The ocean waves calm, the breeze gentle. She remembered truly believing that night that her fairytale story was actually beginning. Not even two months later, it was sad to realize that she had been too naive over the entire ordeal, exactly as Tomoyo and Syaoran had warned her.

Sakura let her gaze drift from the sky to the sidewalk. Syaoran seemed more complicated than Soshi. He'd been supportive and comforting and exactly what she needed. Other times, he was his normal, sarcastic self that she was so accustomed to. And then there were the rare moments when he became so silent and detached from the rest of the world. There was sadness in him that she couldn't quite pinpoint. Discovering all these sides to Syaoran pulled at her, making her more curious and worried at the same time. Curious because she wanted to know who he really was; worried because the image of Syaoran in her mind was changing, in the way that the more she thought of him, the more her heart felt uneasy.

Inside the quiet and empty store, she grabbed a small tub of rocky road ice cream and two large bags of potato chips. Sakura glanced up when the door opened and a couple came in. Unable to help her gaze, she watched them as they kissed. Her eyes darted to their intertwined hands then back to the way they laughed at what the other said. She couldn't help the loneliness that began to fill her.

"That'll be 14.59, miss," the cashier said, interrupting her thoughts.

With a start, she grabbed her wallet and paid for the food.

Sakura left the store, feeling a little more glum than when she'd come in. Because it was already late at night, only a few cars drove through the streets. She glanced up at the night sky again. Such a romantic night and she was all alone. Even Syaoran must be having the time of his life with Julia. Hmph.

As she turned a corner, a car honked behind her. Startled, she jumped and looked over her shoulder, squinting against the headlights. Amidst the brightness of the lights, she saw a familiar face. Syaoran sat behind the wheel, his hand up in a sign of acknowledgement. Her heart erratically pounded in her chest. How did he just suddenly show up out of nowhere when she was just thinking about him? Sakura swallowed instinctively as she walked over to the driver's side.

"What are you doing out here?" The passenger seat was empty.

"Julia apparently lives around here. I just dropped her off." Syaoran glanced down at her plastic bags. "More junk food?"

Sakura immediately hid the bags behind her. With defiance, she answered, "So what if they are?"

He shook his head slightly. "Get in. I'll drive you home."

It didn't help calm her nerves that he was staring at her like that. Because of it, she couldn't register anything he'd said. "What?"

"Get in," he repeated. "Your house is around here too, right?"

She blinked in astonishment. "Huh? Oh no. No that's fine. Don't worry about it. It's like...a fifteen-minute walk. It's really close." Why couldn't she think straight, goddammit. Her blood rushed to her face the next time their eyes met. "Go ahead Syaoran. I'll be fine."

When she remained standing there, looking so uncertain and nervous, he got out of the car. Her heart stopped. She helplessly watched as he walked over to her, grabbed the bags from her hands, threw them at the back seat and turned back towards her. Still at a loss for words, she let him take her arm and push her into the passenger seat. When he settled back down in the car, her hands fumbled with the seatbelt.

The drive to her house took only minutes, but it seemed endless. The silence was deafening. Neither knew what to say or how to explain what just happened.

Sakura looked over at her building, then carefully glanced back at Syaoran. Just at that exact moment, he looked over at her. Her head turned forward, breaking the gaze right away. Her face still burned. Why did she just do that? Why was her heart pounding so hard? She could hear every single beat, echoing in her ears. She'd never been this nervous before, ever. Not even around Soshi.

Meanwhile, Syaoran let out a quiet sigh, wanting to shake off his own anxiety. For some reason, he felt like he was sixteen again. It had been a long time since he felt this tense around a woman.

"I just spent the whole night on a date with some woman," Syaoran began. "We had dinner, walked around by the river, and she even invited me over to stay for the night," he continued, partly talking to himself. "I was going to stay. I was."

Jealousy shot through her, which helped to dissipate her nerves. "Why didn't you?" She asked indignantly.

He looked back at Sakura, waiting until she looked back at him.

"W-what? Why do you keep staring at me like that? It's making me very uncomfortable."

"It's your fault," he muttered. With a frustrated sound, he got out of his seat. Sakura's eyes followed him as he grabbed the bags from the backseat, walked around the car to her door, and opened it. "Get out." She couldn't even find a quick comeback to that rudeness. "Good night."

Sakura frowned; more confused than she was when he'd just found her. "Wait a minute." She interrupted, reaching to grab his arm before he could walk away. Because he'd taken such a far step, she ended up holding his hand. With as much force as she could gather, she forced him to turn back around.

"What?" He asked in an annoyed tone.

She dropped his hand quickly and demanded with authority, "Look, I don't know what happened between you and Julia, but I had nothing to do with it. How is the fact that you're not sleeping with her tonight my fault?"

"Forget it. Do me a favour and just forget everything I said."

"No," she interjected stubbornly. "Explain. What happened?"

As he studied her, he felt a lot of unwelcome emotions, all convoluted inside.

"You were in my head," he said with aggravation. "So when I saw you tonight...it was annoying. I've never been more annoyed that you showed up out of nowhere like that. Look...I don't know what any of it means, so don't ask me to explain any more than that."

Sakura, for the third time that night, was simply floored.

"I'm going," he said resolutely and walked away from her.

When the car drove away, Sakura stood frozen at the front of her building. Her heart was still shaken. She took a deep breath and forced herself to move. She turned around and marched back into her building. No, it's not possible, she thought. What Syaoran meant by those words…it couldn't be. He probably meant that she became so bothersome that he couldn't get her out of his head.

It's not because he sees you that way, she said to herself with conviction. That's not possible in this world, Sakura. Stop dreaming it.

::::::::::

Timidly, Sakura glanced over at her desk mate. Syaoran was hunched over his keyboard, seemingly working hard. She couldn't understand him at all. Since that night, he hadn't said a word, much less a mere hello. She couldn't decipher whether he was upset with her or just not in the mood at all. He did say that he was really frustrated because he saw her. The frown on her face deepened. What exactly did she do wrong to warrant this kind of cold attitude from him?

Sakura crumpled up a scrap piece of paper, made it into a ball, spun around, and swung her arm. The paper ball landed at the top right side of his head.

Syaoran threw her a subtle look over his shoulder. "What?"

She glowered, crossing her arms in front of her. "What's with the attitude? Are you mad at me? What did I wrong? I didn't do anything wrong. I just bought some food and for some reason, we were at the same place at the same time, so I had nothing to do with being there right when you drove by, and besides, you didn't have to stop. You could have driven by me." She said the last sentence with a huff.

"Are you done?"

"Why are you mad at me? You know how much I hate silence."

"I just have a lot of work to do." When her pout still remained, he suddenly felt like making a joke just so she would crack a smile. But he still felt weird and couldn't exactly hide it. "Let me finish this stuff first."

Unconvinced, she looked over at the clutter on top of his desk. He did look really busy. With a hesitant nod, she agreed and left him alone. Maybe what happened that night was…just Syaoran being extra nice and mean at the same time, and that there really was nothing behind what he said or did. It couldn't have. This was Syaoran, after all, she reminded herself. And yet, a part of her was disappointed with that thought.

…

At lunch, Syaoran stood in front of the microwave, waiting for his food. He looked over idly and caught sight of Sakura, who was eating her lunch at her desk. Why he was so friggin' drawn to her, he couldn't explain. He couldn't help himself from watching her.

As she took in a spoonful of rice and meat, a piece accidentally fell. She blinked, glanced down in surprise, then with embarrassment, looked around carefully, and finally bent down and picked the piece up. For a moment her face showed disgust before she quickly popped it in her mouth. Syaoran chuckled in disbelief. She was so damn clumsy. It was endearing.

Then he caught himself. Syaoran straightened and walked back to the microwave. What the hell was he doing? This is Sakura. She's just the uptight, overly sensitive…being…working beside him. It was bad enough to picture Sakura as a woman, mainly because it made it that much more difficult to get her out of his mind.

Frustrated with himself, he mentally shook himself out of it.

When he was just about ready to get back to his desk, someone from behind said, "That smells good..."

He glanced up. Sakura stood by the door, cautiously looking back at him whilst chewing food in her mouth. "If you're not mad, you should say something now."

With a sudden grin, he then said, "This is the best chicken curry ever made. You know why? Because I made it." He walked over and swung his plate near Sakura so she could smell it. When she began to shift towards it, he pulled it back towards him again. "Unfortunately for you, it's only for me." With that, he walked by her.

"Wait, let me try it," she asked, quickly fishing for a spoon in one of the kitchen drawers. "Don't be so greedy," she urged. "One spoonful."

He sat down on his seat, sent her a bland look. "No."

"Come on, share." Sakura stood right behind his chair. She leaned down as far as she could so she could smell the curry. "Mmm."

Instead of the curry, he smelled a sweet, flowery scent. Realizing her stomach was grazing his shoulder; Syaoran immediately shoved her back and pushed his chair away from her. He never used to notice any of these things before. What was she doing anyway, getting so close to him that they were actually touching? They never stepped over each other's personal space before. It was driving him crazy.

"Get away. It's my food. If you want curry, make it yourself."

Offended, she pointed the spoon at him. "You know I can't cook for the life of me. Besides, how will I know that that's the best chicken curry ever made if I never even get to try it? Seriously, Syaoran, don't be greedy."

He shook his head.

"You know, Tomoyo and I have tried practically every restaurant in downtown Tokyo that offers curry. I'm sure that I've tasted every curry flavour in Tokyo. You know what that means? That means I'm very skilled at picking out the good from the bad. Besides, if you're not mad, like you said you weren't, you'll let me try it because you're going to be nice and share your food, right? Syaoran, don't be evil! You know how much I love food! Depriving me of food is like…like taking away a carrot from a bunny. It's just plain cruel. Curry's one of my favourite dishes too, you jerk. I just want a spoonful, that's it. It's not like I'm asking for a lot." He stood up. "Syaoran, come o-"

He then shoved the spoonful of curry rice in her mouth.

Startled, her eyes widened. For a moment, he fed her properly. When she closed her mouth and began to chew, she looked up and met his gaze cautiously. Syaoran glanced down at her lips and caught the tiny smear of curry sauce at the corner of her mouth. Before he could stop himself, he reached forward and wiped the sauce off with his thumb. As it happened, his mind only said one thing. Shit.

Her heart flipped over.

When he pulled away, something inside her trembled. Uneasily, she went back to her desk. She picked up her water bottle and downed the food in one go. As soon as she put it back down, she felt her heart do another tumble, still replaying what just happened in her mind. She squeezed her fists involuntarily when she peeked at him. He looked unfazed.

She fell on her chair and took a deep breath.

Why was this happening? And with Syaoran, at that. She couldn't be… At the thought, Sakura shook her head rapidly. No. It's Syaoran. It's Syaoran! She took another deep breath. Okay that had no effect anymore. Her heart, she realized, was already reacting differently to his name now.

::::::::::

After that incident, the week passed slowly, awkwardly, and excruciatingly in silence. On Friday night, Sakura picked up her things and looked over at him. Syaoran was as usual, sitting hunched over in front of his computer. She watched him for a moment, uncertain exactly how to even start a conversation. Two days of awkwardness filled their cubicle. And as annoyed as she was with herself for not being able to get over it, it bothered her even more that he himself had basically shut up too.

In discomfort, she brushed at a strand of hair and cleared her throat.

"I'm going home now," she announced. Look at me, you jerk!

He didn't even respond.

Why was he being like this, she thought miserably. At least she was trying to fill in the silence with something. In misery and frustration, she marched over and whacked his head from behind. When he didn't even react, Sakura released an angry breath and quickly left the office, feeling more troubled now.

Syaoran tentatively touched the back of his head. "Why the hell is she so strong," he muttered.

Now that he was alone, he pushed off from the desk and leaned his head all the way back. He stared up at the ceiling and felt the exhaustion pile up. It was a pain having to stop himself like this all the time. He'd thought that if he just stopped communicating altogether he'd stop thinking about her like that. But it wasn't working. Instead, for one moment there he was tempted to touch her again.

That's it. I've had enough of this. He picked up his phone and called Julia.

…

Syaoran briefly smiled at Julia as she waved him goodbye. He motioned for her to go on ahead inside and eventually she disappeared from his sight. He sat in his car, looking ahead. The date hadn't been great, but at least he didn't think about Sakura the whole time. Problem was, now his mind was circling back on her. All she did was annoy the heck out of him; at work, in public, wherever it may be. And yet alongside all those annoying moments where those other moments where she would smile, and it was such a damn contagious smile.

"You know something's wrong with you when you've just been on a date with one woman and you're here thinking of another one." Syaoran muttered to himself and started the car. "Get a grip, Li."

Syaoran sighed. He really thought he had Sakura pegged. It still bothered him that she hadn't spent his money on herself. The fact that she thought so hard about getting him something he liked instead completely threw him off. It wasn't even just that. He couldn't explain why it was so easy for her to make him feel better and lighten up his mood. What was it about her?

Syaoran was frowning as he stopped at a stop sign. Because he had been driving so absent-mindedly, he didn't realize that he had driven to the front of Sakura's building. When he did, his head fell. Oh for crying out loud.

His phone rang. Syaoran took it out of his pocket just as he parked the car. He looked down at the caller ID. Kinomoto.

Feeling a little hesitant, he waited a moment before picking it up. "Hello?"

Sakura cleared her throat. "Hi. It's me."

"What's up?"

"I…" She let out a humming sound. "I…smacked your head. I shouldn't have. I'm sorry. It's just that you're…acting really weird. I just wanted to hear your voice. Ah, I mean-you kind of stopped talking altogether so I started getting worried that you… lost your voice or that you're sick or something." Sakura stopped before she could keep babbling. She clutched her forehead in embarrassment. "Okay I'm making a fool of myself. Goodb-"

"Wait." Listening to her start to ramble, Syaoran slowly realized that this was how she was when she was nervous. It was frustratingly sweet. The fact that she was concerned and sorry enough to call wasn't helping. Dammit, he wanted to see her. The hell with it. "Come out. I'm just parked in front of your place."

"Eh?"

"I…dropped Julia off a while ago."

"Oh. Okay."

Sakura looked at herself in the mirror. In sweatpants and a tanktop under an old sweatshirt, she didn't look her best. She looked fairly haggard. She itched to change to something better, but stopped herself. She mustered up the courage to grab her keys and walk down the stairs in her outfit. When she reached the lobby, she saw his car parked on the other side of the street. From where she was, she could tell he looked upset.

He gave her a look-over. "Getting ready for bed?"

"No. I just wear this when I'm at home. It's comfortable," she defended, crossing her arms over her chest. "Hm. Looks like your voice is fine after all. I was wrong to worry about you." Before he could say a word, she walked around the car and climbed onto the passenger seat. As she put on her seatbelt, she said, "Since you're here and you haven't spoken to me in days…which I didn't appreciate, considering I didn't do anything bad to you, drive. There's this place nearby that I want to show you."

Without arguing, he drove out of the parking space. "Where is it? You're not trying to seduce me, are you?"

She punched his arm violently. "As if. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"It wouldn't work anyway. I'm immune," he said. "Especially with what you're wearing."

"Okay, shut up now. I'm sure Julia wears gorgeous red dresses to sleep." At the outburst of jealousy, Sakura bit her lip. This was a dangerous, dangerous topic that she wanted to avoid. When she looked out the window, she recalled the words he'd just said. Disappointment rang through her. A little bitter, she muttered, "Take a left here then park the car."

He glanced around, but couldn't see anything in the dark. "This looks shady."

When they both got out, she walked ahead of him. "It happens to be my favourite place in this world, so stop questioning it." Sakura hurried down the steps and walked past tall, leafy trees. "Come on!" She called out, turning to see him study the park warily. She rolled her eyes. "Nothing's going to kill you, so stop panicking."

"I'm not," he retorted as he reached her. "Why'd you bring me here anyway?"

She shoved her hands into her sweatshirt pockets. "I don't know. Trying to be nice? You haven't been yourself all week, so I thought it might be…Julia…or something else. Ah, whatever. It's a nice place, you'll like it. There."

He looked up. Though there were several trees blocking his view, he could see one of the largest rivers in Japan opening up to the open sea. He hadn't realized how high up Sakura lived in the city until now. A little overwhelmed at the sight, he walked farther to get a clearer view, and found a bench.

Sakura sat down first. "It takes your breath away, doesn't it?"

He took a seat beside her. "It must be nicer when the sun's out."

"Yeah, it's amazing. I always used to come here whenever I was sad or upset. I haven't been by in a while, though. When I was in middle school, the first guy I liked rejected me when I confessed to him." An amused smile was on her face as she recalled the memory. "It was the worst feeling. I thought, 'I'll never find anyone who will like me back!' Then I found this place. I cried my eyes out."

His curiosity piqued, he asked, "First love?"

Sakura shook her head. "No. It was my pride. I've never fallen in love, I told you." Relieved that they were speaking normally to each again, she faced him. "You have a first love, I remember. Was it worth it?"

"What?"

"Falling in love with her." It had bothered her for twenty-six years. She truly wanted to know what it was like to completely fall in love with someone.

"It's not like you have a choice, but I don't regret it."

"What was it like? How did you meet her? What was she like? What did she like about you? When did you know you loved her?"

Syaoran glanced at her and saw the pure innocence and interest in her eyes. Going back to that time in his life was something he rarely ever chose to do, but for some reason, he didn't want to disappoint her, so he tried recalling the memories. They were still painful to remember. At one point, Yuki had become the world. Nothing else had mattered.

"You really don't know what it's like?"

When she shook her head vehemently, he chuckled lightly, not out of ridicule, but out of amusement. Sakura was as innocent as they came.

"We met when we were in high school, but we weren't really friends until university." He let himself remember the brown-haired, blue-eyed girl who used to be the only one who could make him uncomfortable and happy at the same time. "I don't know, we ended up spending a lot of time together. Yuki, she was always there, even when I didn't want her around. She was different."

Sakura smiled softly. It was that side of Syaoran she was listening to now, the sweet one that hardly ever came out. It made her happy to hear him talk about love like that. For her, love was a precious feeling that had to be treasured. "Where is she now?"

At that, the lightness in his eyes faded. "Who knows."

"She must be regretting it," Sakura murmured, oblivious to the change in his facial expression. "Not loving you back, I mean."

Frowning, he turned and studied her. "Why?"

"I don't know, it seems like you really loved her. Any woman should be grateful to have someone love them like that. Real love like that…I don't think it comes as often as people expect it to or even just hope it to."

Thinking back now at how miserable he'd looked that night at the beach, she wondered if maybe that place had a special meaning to Syaoran and this woman. When he continued staring at her, she reddened. "I was just thinking about that time in Yuigahama. I can still remember how sad you looked that night. It worried me," she admitted with a light laugh. "That was the first time I saw a different side of you."

"A different side?"

She shrugged, embarrassed at what she'd just said. "You know. The side that cares about people. The part of you that rarely ever comes out," she said, punching him lightly. "Anyway. How was the date with Julia? You guys seem like you're getting along well."

At the change of subject, Syaoran stretched out his legs in front of him. "Julia's nice. She's not that different from the other women I've dated before. When we go out for dinner, it's mostly her talking about work or her life, and I just listen. I don't mind it. I don't expect anything out of it. I probably won't ask her out again."

"That's a little cold. She likes you so much and you're leading her on. You should tell her properly if you're not interested," Sakura said, frowning as relief coursed through her.

He studied her profile and saw the way her bottom lip jutted out, like when it usually did when she was frustrated. Unable to help it, Syaoran smiled wryly as he looked away. "You know I'm not prince charming, Sakura. I went out with her even though I don't like her that way. I led her on because I needed the company. But..." He straightened up. "I'll break it off. I'm not patient. I get annoyed easily. It's getting to be a drag hanging out with her since there's nothing there. It's no good to lie after all."

"What exactly do you think it means when I say prince charming?"

He smirked. "The famous knight in shining armour. The man who accepts everything about the woman unconditionally. He's got to be good-looking, physically capable, patient…all that good stuff. I mean, ask any guy out there. He doesn't exist. But damn. All women look for him. You do. Julia. I bet Yuki was looking for that guy too, and since I'm nowhere near him, I got rejected." He stood up, feeling agitated. "I'm used to it."

Sakura watched him, the same troubled feeling settling in. He was right in a way. She had an image of what Soshi was supposed to be; to be exactly as that man Syaoran had just described. And yet he wasn't. In the looks department, he certainly got close enough. But…

Sakura studied Syaoran's face. As much as he denied how different he was from what all women wanted, he was closer to prince charming than Soshi could dream of being. Her heart pounding at the realization, she looked away. Wait. No, that's not-

Syaoran was the one who was there for her every single time she needed it. She could still remember how she felt when he'd knelt down and bandaged her ankles. Even when he'd invited her to walk aimlessly around Tokyo to get those tickets. When he'd made that bet with her and later followed up on his word by taking her to the mall. How she'd felt all those times was exactly how she was feeling now.

You're wrong, Syaoran. You're exactly him. He was what she'd been looking for all this time.

"Why so quiet?"

Staggered at where her thoughts had gone, she got up. This wasn't how imagined things would be. All her life, she had expected the first man she would fall for to be someone completely different. Continuing to stare up at him now, she couldn't stop the surge of feelings. Amidst it all, fear came rising quickly. Everything was changing. Wanting to be away from him, she brushed her hair back and said loudly, "I want to go home."

Eyeing her cautiously, he could tell she was hiding something. Leaving it alone, he said, "I'll take you back."