October 2009

He would say he had a very average life. He had friends that loved him, a nice family and average grades. Of course, there were people that hated him too but it's not like he liked everyone. His teachers kind of liked him. One hated him - in Nick's believe, that guy was just jealous. There was no real reason to be jealous but Nick didn't care.

But in stupid 2008 everything changed. Nothing was average anymore. There was this girl that he actually hated who he now slept with in an almost-daily basis. He didn't hate her anymore after about two months. They had their talks which made him found out a bit about that one girl that seemed to get more interesting with every little conversation they had.

And along the way, he noticed that he liked her on some level. He wasn't sure what level it was, but he learned to like her. She was a good listener and a very… good talker too. She would be funny at times and her smart ass comments made him laugh too. What amazed him was that she managed to hide whatever they shared very well.

She'd glare at him in school and whenever they crossed paths. At least when she was with her friends or people that she thought would tell her friends. Whenever she was alone she'd smile at him or wave, maybe even wink. He would do the same though, but he thought his behavior wasn't anywhere near as civilized as hers.

He still made fun of her in front of everyone. He still called her bad names, though he didn't say them harshly. He managed to say it in a playful way without his friends noticing. Only she noticed which amazed him even more. And it wasn't even awkward between them when they'd talk and not… have sex.

Now, after one and a half years he realized two things. He first of all realized that he more than liked Miley. He actually fell for her. And the second thing was that he realized that falling for her could only be a mistake so he had to find other girls to keep him busy and make him stop thinking about Miley. It didn't really work but for a few hours he'd forget her.

He knew that falling for her, even liking her, would be a mistake. They were from two different cliques, probably even two different worlds. His family wasn't wealthy but they weren't poor either. He had three brothers and still both parents. Over the months he found out that Miley's father had left her mother for whatever reason - she didn't say.

The whole school thought that he'd died because that's what Miley had said. She told him that to her, her father didn't live anymore. He wasn't important to her anymore so she got over it quickly too. Miley also didn't have any sibling which made them so much more different. But those differences attracted him. This made him realize that he seriously needed to see other girls - to make him see that there were other girls out there that could be better for him.

He didn't know what came over him on that July 4th in 2008 when he kissed her and slept with her. He just thought she looked hot all angry so he did what he did. He only later found out that he was her first in both things. But somehow, he didn't even feel guilty. They weren't drunk and she could've pulled away - angry or not. Point is she didn't so he didn't feel inclined to feel guilty.

What actually made him feel guilty was the biggest mess-up in his life so far. Never had he screwed up that big and he was now definitely regretting it. Still staring at his phone which he had been doing for about thirty minutes, he couldn't believe the text he had opened approximately half an hour ago. She did not just tell him what he had been feeling just that she was feeling the exact same thing?

That not only frustrated him, but it also hurt him because he knew that he shouldn't have been a coward about his feelings. But he's never loved someone besides his mother before. How was he supposed to know what to do? He could've assumed that - since she was a girl after all - she would at least start to like him. No girl would want want no commitment and just sex for nothing in return.

Miley also was a very sensitive girl, how could he think there wouldn't be any feelings involved? Sure, at the beginning they both hated each other. Back then, neither of them could've imagined falling for the other. But they were now grown up; they got to learn things about each other. It was now one and a half years later and things had changed.

Yeah, he fell for her and apparently she fell for him. He broke her heart - not on purpose though. She was back to hating him and they wouldn't ever see each other again, at least not the way they had been seeing each other for about fifteen months now. He broke her - and he didn't want that.

He didn't think of himself as a player. He hadn't really had sex with anyone besides Miley. Just like for her, in 2008 it was his first time. She was his first and she would always be. Of course, he had made out with a few other girls before unlike Miley who had experienced her first kiss with him. But she was indeed his first and she knew that.

But he did flirt with a lot of girls in those fifteen months. Just to stop himself from thinking of her too much. It wasn't his fault though - she was just too beautiful and attractive to not like her. And he had to distract himself from her. And other girls only seemed to be another option. He never thought of actually letting her know that he did involve feelings in this pact.

And now, he was too late. It was all over and he knew she was hurting. He knew for a fact that she was crying her eyes out at her best friend's house. Why he knew? That's just how well he knew her. He knew that whenever she was upset she'd go to her best friend's house. They'd call up the others and cry together. It's just what they did. Whoever was upset - they'd meet up there and would try to make it better. Just from hearing that he knew that no matter how slutty they dressed or acted, they were great friends.

What hurt him was that he was now the reason of one of those meetings or whatever they'd call them. He hated that he hurt her. He didn't want that. He was even scared to hurt her the first time they had sex. He was gentle with her. Something he never seemed to be with other girls. Not even his own sister which surprised him even more.

Angrily, he threw the phone against the wall, making it burst into two pieces. He knew it wasn't broken - maybe scratched up but it wasn't broke. A few… 'Scars' would be left from this, not more. But he knew for a fact that his heart was broken. Miley was right, he was a dick after all.

She had every right to hate him which bugged him even more. She had every right to hate him and not talk to him for the rest of her life. He took it that he was her first heart break as well. And he wasn't proud of that, clearly. What she didn't know was that it was the same for him though.

He broke her heart which seemed to automatically break his as well. But he knew he deserved the pain. He should have just told her what he felt. Now that he knew that she felt the same, he actually felt stupid for thinking differently. The signs should have made it clear to him. But come to think of it, she didn't let it show one bit.

Sighing frustrated, Nick got up from the bed he was sitting on and picked up the two pieces of his phone. Just like her heart, probably; broken into two. The only difference between his phone and her heart was that his phone could be fixed, her heart probably barely could. Nick put the two pieces together and stared at the black thing in his hand again.

The screen was now black, which was okay actually. He couldn't take reading the text anymore. He had it memorized anyway. Every single word; imprinted in his head. How could he be such a dick and sleep with other girls though. And once again the thought that Miley never told him how she felt either crossed his mind.

No matter what angle he looked it at, it always ended up with both of them heartbroken. Who would've known that those two who hated each other would actually fall in love? Not Nick at least. He never counted on falling in love anyway. Not this soon at least and sure as hell not with someone like Miley.

In his opinion he didn't deserve her. And after that night, he shouldn't deserve any other girl either. The odds of the girls in his school liking him just turned a hell lot slimmer than they already were making those few girls that did like him to exactly zero. He didn't even want any other girl. The only girl he had wanted just told him to pretty much fuck off.

Nick walked out of his room - which was incredibly dark, by the way - and made his way downstairs. It was evening now and nobody seemed to be home. That was totally fine with him though seeing as he was too frustrated to talk to anyone right now. All he'd do would probably be bark at them and walk upstairs again.

He needed something to drink though. Water or lemonade or something… Nick walked into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and grabbed something random out of it. After pouring him a glass of whatever he'd grabbed out of the fridge and then put it back. He gulped the substance down in a matter of seconds.

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand he walked into the dark living room and plopped down on the couch. He honestly felt like he was drunk or hung over or just in the deepest depression ever known to mankind. He felt like getting up didn't make any sense any more. There was no sense in it, actually. No one would miss him.

But he knew that there would be some people who actually would miss him. His family, his friends… And he had to put up an act for those people because none of them knew about him and Miley. None of them knew what happened. And so that's why he had to pretend that nothing happened. Because he knew that Miley would too.

She would be amazing at covering up her feelings. He wouldn't be able to see how hurt she really was tomorrow. She would glare at him - if she would even look at him. He knew he wasn't worth it anymore. And still, just thinking that, he had to remind himself that he didn't know about her feelings. He thought she still hated him or something.

Nick groaned and curled up on the couch. He knew he'd have to pretend that nothing happened tomorrow. But he also knew that he didn't have to that night. And that night, he could just act like he felt. Deeply hurt for Miley and terribly angry at himself.

December 2009

Three months. He actually made it through three months without talking to her. Or seeing her out of school. She managed to dodge him out of school and she seemed to stop going to the beach or at least to where they used to go. But he still went there. It was now his thinking place.

Ever since that night in October, he changed. He wasn't sure how or what exactly changed but he knew that he had. His friends had been telling him that he started changing. But he didn't care. He felt like he had no other choice but change. After some time they said that he started to become darker. To him, that wasn't true but it actually was.

He thought that after a few months, he'd get over it but hell was he wrong. He thought that not seeing her would make him stop from having feelings for her. It didn't. He just thought about her more. He thought about her as his wife, his best friend and the mother of his children. Though the thoughts seemed ridiculous to him because he was only 17 years old.

He also thought that he would never see her out of school again. A very childish and naïve thought of him. He had to see her again - at this year's New Year's Party. Another thing the town decided to celebrate together. You'd think that they would get bored of throwing these funny little get-togethers… they didn't. They actually enjoyed those get-togethers.

And Nick now hated them. He hated them because they started something that lead to heartbreak and misery. And his oh so nice parents made him go to the party. He told them that he didn't want to - they didn't care. They'd only say that he was part of the town and it was a 'town party so get your part of the town out of your room and into a party mood because you're going there mister.'

That's just how his parents were. He loved them and all that. But at the moment, he hated them. In the 'I hate you but actually I don't' kind of way though. It was just that he wasn't ready to face Miley right now. He might have broken her heart - which he was still angry at himself for - but his heart also broke… because of himself, but it broke - for her.

He had actually shed a few tears that night, feeling nothing but remorse and just hurt. Now, three months later he still felt that remorse and he was sure as hell not ready to face the person he fell for and broke their heart along the way. But he now had to.

It was around ten at night when they arrived at that party. Nick didn't necessarily dress up. He was wearing a black dress shirt and black pants with black converse. Okay, he started to become a little darker but he wasn't depressed. He was just upset and sad that he was one to break someone else's heart.

His friends greeted him with handshakes and hugs. Penny was already off with David, her boyfriend, and Nick knew she would not be seen until sometime in the morning. But he didn't need her at the party anyway. He just sat down on a chair and looked around, occasionally sipping on his drink. That was, until his eyes caught sight of her.

She wasn't really laughing with her friends, but she wasn't sitting alone either. Her friends were laughing while she just faked a smile. This would be her new laughing then, Nick thought sadly as he shook his head. That was his fault. He knew he laughter - he loved her laughter - and he made her stop with that laughter.

She would now just smile and nod her head politely. Nick looked at his watch. Shocked, he looked around again. How could almost two hours pass by so quickly? People were starting to gather around and got ready to count down. Nick got up and walked to the little crowd of teens that had built up. He sighed and looked to his left.

Miley was almost right next to him. He bit his lip and looked at his watch again. A minute left. Maybe he'd get to celebrate New Years with Miley at least close to him. Last year they were having sex. It didn't sound right but it felt right. And he just wished that it would happen again. That they could just… talk again or something.

They started to count down. Nick sighed and glanced at his left every now and then. She seemed to look at him too, just not in an obvious way. She'd let her eyes roam around until they landed on him. Then she'd look at him for a couple of moments until she'd look away again. Nick hated it.

"5…4…" Shortly before midnight, Nick and Miley's eyes caught each other. Blue met Brown. In that moment, Nick made a decision. A tradition would be continued in their circle and he would too. Miley looked away from him but he didn't. He kept looking at her, waiting for them to finish the countdown.

"3…2…1… Happy New Year!" Nick leaned over and kissed her. A tradition; that would be his excuse if she asked him. Miley - though shocked at the moment - just kissed him back. She loved to feel his lips on hers though she knew it wouldn't last for too long. Soon, air became necessary and they had to pull away from each other.

Miley stared at him as Nick breathed in heavily. He looked back at her and saw the still visible pain in her eyes. Biting his lip, he said the one thing he had wanted to say to her in that October night.

"I'm sorry…" It was a breathed out whisper and only she could hear. After that, he walked away from her. He couldn't look at her any longer. She was confused and still hurt and just confused her more. But he had to apologize. Else he couldn't have lived with himself. He didn't even have to know if she actually forgave him. He'd like to believe she did.

That night, he walked home alone, devastated once again. He didn't think about his actions when she just kissed her. But he couldn't help it. It was a stupid tradition and she was just too sexy for her own good. After he arrived at home he plopped onto the couch in the dark living room and curled up in a ball for the second time of his life. Maybe he didn't have to pretend that night either.

Aw...

Okay, why ever I just wrote that :P Anyway, I hope you liked it :) Was just a little something in Nick's point of view... in third person y'know? Haha, anyway - I know there doesn't happen a lot but it's almost midnight here and I promise to post this today so I am and just... thanks for reading and you know, leave whatever you thought about it as a review.. just so I know if you liked it ;)

xoxo