Chapter 12

It was Wednesday afternoon and despite the fact that August was almost over, sweltering heat still filled most days. Sakura stood by the printer, tapping her finger against the tabletop in a sign of impatience. She could feel her sweat rolling down her back. What was taking the printer so long to spew out three pages? Her eyes narrowed as she studied the small screen. It didn't say 'error.' She pulled out the paper tray. It was full of paper. What the hell was the problem?

"You look like you're about to kill someone." Mina said in sympathy as she walked over to Sakura. "The printer's not working again?"

Sakura sighed as she stepped back and let Mina fiddle with it. "No. I don't know why it's not working."

"You broke it, didn't you, pumpkin muffin?"

Sakura turned at the nickname. "I didn't do anything." When Syaoran kept grinning, she shoved him aside. "I didn't," she insisted.

"So you two," Mina began, glancing over her shoulder. "You were into each other this whole time, weren't you? We all knew it!" Both of them stared back at her blankly. "Yeah, we were practically betting on when you'd get together. It's obvious, the way you look at each other when the other isn't looking. And come on, we all know all that arguing and teasing was all because of the attraction." Mina grinned when Syaoran and Sakura studied each other. "Am I right or am I right?"

Sakura shook her head swiftly. "No, I hated him. I would never have noticed him if he hadn't started treating me nicely."

"Stop denying it. You obviously wanted me since you met me," he chided, putting an arm around her waist even as she resisted. "You're blushing because Mina's right."

"You guys are so cute. In any case, I'm just happy for you two. I know things with Soshi didn't work out. I was really hoping you'd find someone and you did, Sakura." She smiled and patted the printer. "This should work now. Oh shoot, I have to go to a meeting! Take it easy on each other, okay lovebirds?"

When she was out of sight, Sakura pushed him off of her and walked to the printer and pressed a few buttons. "This better work," she muttered. "I've been standing here for twenty minutes. I'm all out of patience."

"You're not patient to begin with," he reminded as he walked over to her. "So you're…completely over Soshi, right?"

Dumbfounded by the question, she could only look up.

"What?" He asked innocently.

She studied the printer screen again. "Of course I'm over him. As a boyfriend, he was a heartless bastard. Why do you even have to ask that? You would know out of anybody here." Finally the papers came out of the printer. "Yes! It's working." She took them out and began walking back to their cubicle. When she got to her desk, she turned and bumped her head on Syaoran's chest. "Stop following me."

"Do I have a choice? I sit beside you."

"Well…" She moved away so he could pass. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You liked me first didn't you?"

"You wish." Realizing where her mind was at, he grinned. "You were blushing pretty badly."

"Because I was embarrassed," she interrupted hotly. "Not because I agreed with her. Besides. You liked me first." She stuck out her tongue immaturely and sat on her seat.

Caught off guard at the cute act, Syaoran continued staring at her, even as she turned her back towards him. When she glanced over her shoulder to check his reaction, she jumped back as he stole a kiss from her. "W-what are you doing?" She cried, pushing him away. "We're at work!"

"Stop acting so cute then." He replied calmly before turning back to his own desk.

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Syaoran relaxed on the bench. He couldn't remember ever spending half of the day in a mountain park waiting for the sunset, but Sakura had requested it and he couldn't say no. It was funny how a lot of things she asked from him, he was always willing to give to her. Probably because everything he asked, she always seemed to find a way to fulfill it too. He wondered if she knew how much she meant to him. He wasn't sure if he showed it enough. It was certainly a different experience altogether to be more than just another friend.

He turned and caught the way Sakura's eyelids just about fell. "Sleeping on me?" He declared loudly.

She jumped, woke up immediately, and straightened. "Huh? No."

"You're already dreaming." He gave off an exaggerated sigh, as though offended. "You made me hang out for 6 hours with mosquitoes just so you could sleep on me when the sun's done setting?"

Sakura smacked his arm.

"Did you at least get to see the sunset?"

"I did," she retorted. "It's not like I fell asleep anyway. Your loud voice woke me up before I could start dreaming."

"That's okay. You can sleep if you want," he relented as he put an arm over her.

"You're so weird." She moved closer and rested her head on his shoulder. "Considering it's our 1-month anniversary…why don't you tell me when you started liking me?"

"…Pass."

"Just answer it."

"You answer first."

Sakura shook her head briefly in incredulity. "You better give me the full-on, complete, honest, detailed answer after." He just hummed in response. She elbowed his rib in mild annoyance. So typical of a man.

"Well…for me…the moment you took care of the blisters on my ankles, I think I got a little mesmerized. I thought I figured you out already before that. You know, just some jerk who finds it amusing to hurt other people. Then you took care of me the way I was hoping Soshi would. It was like a slap in the face. A much-needed slap. I was thinking about it last night. That was the probably the moment I…began to look at you in a different way? I guess?"

"You want me to kiss you?"

She laughed and turned to face him. "I'm just telling the truth. Now you go. Remember what I said."

"But I'm a man," he protested. "It's hard to talk about feelings out loud."

"I don't care. Come on! It's not that hard. Just tell me when you started…seeing me differently. Like, you must've thought of me as some annoying co-worker who's too idealistic, right? That's why you liked teasing me any chance you got."

He angled his head. "At first it was like that, but I'll let you in on a little secret. Men tease women; boys tease girls; because we find them some aspect of them cute. That's really the reason why. Let's see, I found you the most annoying when all I kept thinking about was you. It was really frustrating."

"How about when you first met me?"

"When we first met, I definitely thought you were too idealistic. You still are," he said with a shrug. "That's who you are." Syaoran studied her face, noting the anticipation in her eyes. "If we're doing the truth game then fine, since I saw you that first time, I was attracted," he dragged out. "But your attitude was totally off," he quickly added before she could say anything. "You hated me from the moment we met and you were so obsessed with Soshi. You used to smile like an idiot when he was around."

Regretting how immature she had been then, Sakura winced. "I remember that time. Sorry."

"It didn't really bother me. It was fun teasing you. Still is." He laughed when her frown became a pout. "Just think of it as my way of showing my appreciation for you."

Sakura let out a sound of displeasure.

For a moment he became silent, then said, "Actually… I'm glad. About how things turned out, I mean." Their eyes met and they could tell exactly how the other was feeling. She smiled when he pushed back a stray hand of hair from her face. "I don't even know how it happened. You mean a lot to me, you know that?"

The tears slowly pooled in her eyes.

He shot up in concern. "Don't cry. I didn't say those things to make you cry."

"Some tears aren't out of sadness." She began wiping them away. Why even now little things like this still reminded him of Yuki? "I'm happy right now. I'm really happy, so let me cry."

She'd become so important to him in a matter of months that it was almost scary to think of what it would be like if he was left alone again. "What would I do without you?" He asked quietly to himself.

"I'll always be here, Syaoran," she murmured, hearing the question. "I'll be here as long as you need me."

The words, as much as he wanted to be comforted of it, made him sad. It only reminded him of the one fact that he'd purposefully ignored since they began their relationship. The insecurity, the fear never left him, no matter how great everything seemed to be going. Becoming more and more serious now with her, he was reminded yet again. His whole life, nobody ever stayed. Something would always come up and he knew that more than anyone.

::::::::

Sakura walked across the street to reach Tomoyo's house. It was odd that she found a place in the suburbs, an area known for its family neighbourhoods. As far as Sakura knew, her best friend was 25, single, and wasn't in any particular hurry to get married and have babies.

Just as she stepped onto Tomoyo's porch, the door opened. Sakura glanced up. "Oh hello friend. I want to make fruit smoothies. Come with me." Tomoyo took her arm and pulled her along to the nearest produce store. "If you came one minute too late, you would've had to wait. I'm glad you came just in time."

"Was this a sudden decision of yours, to make fruit smoothies?" Sakura asked mildly.

"Yes. I was watching a commercial about it just now, while I was waiting for you. I started really craving it. So I have a favour to ask. Eriol wants to take me to Disneyland. I…obviously don't want to go alone with him. I can't even imagine what he might try to say or do if we go by ourselves. So, be our chaperone? I'll pay for your ticket." Sakura began to shake her head when Tomoyo stopped her. "I'm really not ready for anything serious with him again. Please, do me this one big favour!"

While she wanted to decline, Tomoyo looked at her pleadingly. "I...guess I can go," she answered slowly. "I can't say I'm excited about it, but…fine. I'll do it."

"I love you!" Tomoyo hugged her tightly. "So now that that's out of the way, how goes things with Prince Syaoran?"

At the nickname, Sakura chuckled. "He would really hate me if I said that to him. Maybe I'll slip it in once in a while. I don't know. I'm really happy. I still find it funny how everything worked out like that. The things that you expect to happen, don't. Then when you least expect something to happen, it comes straight at you." Her heart took a quick jump. "Not once in my wildest dreams did I expect to lov-…like…Syaoran this much." The word meant too much and she was determined not to ruin anything in their relationship. Calling this 'love' between them was too fast, too unreal.

Tomoyo studied her friend's face for a moment. It wasn't just in the words; she could see the happiness in Sakura's eyes. "I'm happy for you. See, what did I say? You have to give these things a try. If you hadn't, you would've missed out on him completely. So how is he as a boyfriend? Totally different from that man you used to hate?"

Sakura shook her head, still smiling. "The funny thing is… there are times when he still doesn't stop teasing me and he's still so sarcastic. I'm so used to that side of him that I'm beginning to think it's one of his charms. Then there are these moments when he's…so sweet and needy. I never thought he would be like that, but it makes me feel special when he acts that way."

"Like how?" Tomoyo asked, already caught up in their love story.

"Mm…out of nowhere, he'll kiss me or hug me. Because I say something stupid or do something silly." Sakura's face flushed. "Yeah, I…"

"You're falling for him."

"Sometimes when I just look at him, I feel like I am," she admitted, almost to herself. "Though I've never fallen in love before, so I wouldn't know if this is really it. For him, I don't think he's ready for it yet. He's fallen in love before and…it didn't work out," She murmured the last words.

"He's had a first love, I assume. Most men do. Why? Don't tell me, he's not over her?" Tomoyo demanded.

"Well, no, not exactly. Those aren't the right words. It's more like…" Sakura found it difficult to explain. "I think he wants to, but he can't. She died, Tomoyo. I can't find the courage to bring her up. The last time he opened up to me about her, he looked like he was about to fall apart. He looked so devastated. It's like, thinking about her or remembering her still hurts him so much. I understand, or at least, I'm trying my best to," she continued.

"I never thought he would have that convoluted a love life," Tomoyo commented. "It must have been really hard on him, trying to move on. I wonder if he ever got any closure..."

"He did say that he confessed and she didn't feel the same way. But when he told me a little of their memories together, I don't know, I have a feeling Yuki loved him that way…just that she didn't want to tell him. Maybe I'm being paranoid."

Tomoyo rubbed her arm in sympathy. "And he doesn't talk about her, right?"

"Mm…it's more like he never brings up the topic himself." With hesitation, Sakura said the words she herself dreaded to hear. "He really loved her, I can tell."

"And you're worried he won't be able to commit to you completely because of it."

"Maybe. I don't know. I feel…I feel this insecurity and-and selfishness. Do you know what I mean? Like I want all of him." With a rueful laugh, Sakura glanced up at her friend. "There's a part of him that will always be Yuki's. Do you think it's selfish of me to want it all?"

"I think you love him, sweetheart," Tomoyo offered. "The more you fall for someone, the more you want to know their life story. It's life. It's not wrong or selfish, honey." In comfort, she placed her arm over Sakura's shoulders. "It's just how the heart works."

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At the end of her shift, Sakura let out a big, unattractive yawn. She glanced out the window and took note of the dreary sky. She had a bad feeling it was going to be pouring rain on the day that she had to play chaperone to Eriol and Tomoyo's Disneyland date. Reminded of it, she stood and walked over to her seatmate's cubicle. Syaoran was playing a game of solitaire on the computer. She rolled her eyes and gave the back of his head a smack.

He turned swiftly, a hard scowl on his face. "I'm really close to winning. Give me a second."

As the girlfriend, she stepped aside, crossed her arms in front of her, and watched him play out the rest of the game. Her brows furrowed when he began clicking useless cards and ended up losing the game. A little ashamed that she had let him play it out, she pressed her lips together and cleared her throat when a pop-up claiming that he had lost the game flashed on the screen.

"You're such a loser," she muttered. "Take me home."

He tsked under his breath and stood up unwillingly. He gave off his own tired yawn while asking, "So where are we eating dinner?"

"I don't feel like cooking."

"Me neither."

They continued staring at each other, willing the other to give in and admit defeat. When the staring contest continued for another minute, Sakura let out a loud groan and waved her fists in the air in frustration. "I don't want to cook!" She complained, sending him a fierce pout. "I actually want to eat delicious food tonight. Don't be evil."

Syaoran studied the cute act with pleasure, but still felt reluctant to concede. Then raised his hands and said, "Fine. I'll make dinner, so long as you do something to entertain me the entire time I'm in the kitchen." He thought up an idea then clapped his hands once. "Talent show."

"Where do you get these ridiculous ideas?" She interrupted, glaring as they walked to the elevator.

"You have to sing and dance to any song that I demand while I make us some highly unique Italian-Japanese dishes." When her eyes widened in interest, he grinned. "That's right, pookie bear. Some of my secret, special recipes. I'll whip them out if you do the talent show."

"Fine. I don't get why you'd be entertained listening to this voice and watching this," she gestured to the length of her body, "dance like a clown for hours."

He laughed, closing the distance between them while the elevator carried them to the lobby. He played with the ends of her jacket. "The fact that this is all mine to watch is enough entertainment."

Before she shoved him back, she let him kiss her. "Syaoran, I'm really hungry. With what I'm about to do for you, this better be the best dinner I'll ever eat in my life."

…

Sakura stared at her reflection in his bedroom mirror with a dejected expression. On the way to his building lobby, she had practically taken a nosedive at a wonderfully deep puddle in the front yard because of the damn black pumps that slid around everywhere. Because Syaoran was so occupied in what she was going to be performing for him, he'd walked ahead. She remembered what Tomoyo had once said to her. It went along the lines of, the longer a couple stayed together, the faster the romance and sweetness dissipated.

That wasn't exactly true though, she thought to herself. Syaoran was still considerate when he wasn't thinking up ways to embarrass or tease her. She couldn't get her mind around the reason why it amused him so much to see her get embarrassed. He'd tried explaining it to her once, but she had stopped him before he went on and on. It made no sense.

"I guess this will have to work," she murmured, negligently touching the bottom of the long, blue shirt Syaoran had lent her. It looked like a dress on her. His sweatpants were too big and had to be tightened excessively to stay up on her waist. She then reached down and gathered her wet, mud-covered office clothing in dismay. "This is what you get for buying such bad shoes. You didn't learn your lesson, did you Sakura?" She lectured herself.

She stepped out carefully from his bedroom and walked to the kitchen.

He glanced over idly then did a double take. "Why do you look like a kid in my clothes?" He managed to say despite the way his voice had gone a little rough. When he'd started believing Sakura couldn't look more cute or beautiful, she proved him wrong completely. To see her in his own clothes did something to him.

Her face became a tomato. "Don't you have smaller clothing?" Not knowing what to do with her hands, she touched the strays of hair by her neck.

He kept staring at her in wonder. "I think this is the first time I've seen you with a ponytail. Is this how you looked back in high school?"

"Stop looking at me like I'm a specimen," she muttered. "When I was in high school, I had my hair cut really short; up to the neck, like this," she gestured.

"Like a mushroom?"

"Sort of, but prettier. Anyway, what do I do with my wet clothes? Should I just leave them in your bathroom to dry for now?"

"Yeah, grab some of my hangers from the closet."

With that, she quickly walked back to his bedroom and opened the door to his rather nice walk-in closet. She walked in and stood in one spot, biting back a moan of jealousy. How nice would it be to have as big a walk-in closet as this and have enough room to place all her shoes neatly so she could see them all? She thought back to the disorganized and endless piles of shoeboxes sitting at the bottom of her own closet.

She rummaged through his clothes and couldn't find a free hanger. At that moment, she looked up and caught three hanging at the very end of the line of slacks. Was this all planned, she began to wonder of Syaoran. He knew she was short. He knew she couldn't reach that far into his closet. After letting out a loud sigh, she climbed up the side drawers carefully.

"Oh my God don't fall. Don't fall. Don't fall," she muttered as she extended her right arm as far as they would go. Her hand grasped one. She let out a small cry of victory then viciously threw the hanger on the ground. Eventually she managed to grab all three, throwing the other two down just as viciously. Not the smartest move, as one bounced and fell right against the back of the closet. She couldn't exactly see, what with all the black pants and jackets he had coordinated in that specific area. She squinted, even with the closet light on.

"Dammit." She then caught sight of the silver hook of the hangar. She pulled hard and fell back on her butt. Stuck on the hook was a wrinkled and tattered plastic bag. That's weird. Her curiosity strong, she forgot about respecting Syaoran's privacy, and decided to untie the knot. Where the heck did this come from? When she opened it, she saw the picture frame. That same one she'd seen of Yuki and him.

Her heart thudded slowly and loudly. Oh no, what was she doing? She wasn't supposed to be doing this. Why… Just as she felt like putting it away, her eyes betrayed her and focused intently on Yuki's face. Sakura carefully unwrapped the plastic bag and revealed the picture frame in its entirety. Had she not known what had happened to her, Sakura wouldn't have noticed the sadness in her eyes. But it was there, with the way Yuki was smiling ever so slightly.

Why did it hurt so much to stare at this girl's face?

She looked at the young Syaoran, and her finger lightly touched the glass above his face. He looked too smitten and so happy to be with her, Sakura mused. This was the Syaoran whose heart was probably broken after this picture was taken. Sakura felt her heart grow heavy. This was the Syaoran that belonged only to Yuki.

…

Sakura bit her bottom lip. She watched Syaoran put in a movie in the DVD, unsure exactly how to bring it up. It wasn't as though she wanted to know every single thing that happened between them. It was more that she wanted him to open up to her, especially about someone who probably was the most important person in his life. She understood that he didn't like talking about it, but…the longer they were together, the more she became worried. Was Syaoran even ready to truly open his heart to anyone else?

"Don't…start the movie yet," she mumbled from behind.

Syaoran turned. "What's up?"

"Sorry. I didn't mean to look at her picture again," she said with uncertainty, knowing the words sounded pathetic. "I saw it in the closet."

He stared back at her speechlessly. For another moment, he glanced to his bedroom then sat back down beside her. "Oh."

Feeling guilty, Sakura's head hung low. "You didn't have to hide it."

"But it's hurting you." He interrupted, his voice a little distant. "To see her."

"Syaoran-"

"I can't throw it away, Sakura."

"I'm not asking you to," she frowned. "Why would I ask you to do that?"

"Then what are you asking?"

"Nothing. I'm here. That's all I'm trying to say." She let out a breath. "Look, just stop being considerate of my feelings for a minute. I know how important she was to you. That was at a time when I didn't know you, so it's okay with me. It's really okay that you loved her," Sakura argued desperately.

"It's not," he replied just as desperately. "Because it's bothering you a lot now. Why else would you bring it up?" He clutched at his forehead in a sign of frustration. "I…don't know what else to say."

"I just thought that if you really let me in and share with me at least some of this pain that you're still carrying…that it'll be easier to move on. You do want to move on, right? But…" Her bottom lip began to tremble. She bit it. "I guess I'm asking too much. Sorry."

"Don't apologize," he interrupted quietly. "It's me messing this up, not you. I don't like talking about it. I don't know what to say without hurting you. Every time I say something, I can see it in your eyes, so it's harder for me."

"That's why, just stop being considerate-"

"I can't do that. That's not easy," he interrupted abruptly. "Not when I care about you this much. So don't ask me to do that. Let me…think about it. Give me some time?"

Her heart helplessly fell. With almost a sad voice, she said, "I told you before, Syaoran. I'll always be here as long as you need me. You don't have to ask me that."

He then turned and studied her face, really taking it in. He saw her disappointment and sadness, and felt a sharp pain stab him through the heart. It felt worse that he could offer no comforting words.