Unapologize
By: PricklySare
A/N: First of all, to anyone who commented, but hasn't heard back from me; I'm sorry. I've been really busy with RL and trying to get you another chapter of UA. Just know that I appreciate every one of your reviews.
Next, as always, the general disclaimers apply. Last I checked my names still wasn't JE and I wasn't receiving her paycheck, either.
Thanks to Stayce for her final edit, and to the M's for all their help. You guys are making this story ROCK!
I realize this is a shorter chapter, but I think it's perfect. :) Enjoy.
Sare
Chapter 31: I am Nychta. I am the Night.
Ranger's POV
I felt like I'd been staring at the blueprints for an eternity, and I still wasn't seeing anything that would make them important enough to waste a dying breath on. He was hired to kill Steph. Maybe they don't mean dick. "Fuck," I murmured running my hands over my face. Think, Manoso. You're wasting time. Suddenly I realized that time might have been exactly what my informant was playing for. There was nothing wrong with them; he just wanted to stall me. Sonofabitch. If that fucker wasn't already dead, I'd happily lead him into the night. I had the blueprints memorized and knew there was nothing else I could do without being at the compound. A feeling of unease slid through my body, and I accepted that this entire mission was fucked.
An hour later I was doing my best to blend into the surrounding sand as I slowly moved toward the compound. Once again, the compound seemed too quiet, too empty for it to be housing an elicit government research facility. As I inched closer, I was painfully aware of how unprotected I was. Unacknowledged government agencies placed secret research facilities in the middle of the desert to make it harder for anyone to get close. The fact that I was practically on their doorstep and still hadn't raised an alarm concerned me more than the fact that I didn't have backup.
I paused my forward movement, and listened to the night around me. Nothing. There weren't even the sounds that you would expect to hear in the desert. No rustling from small animals as they scurried about their business; no slithering snakes, not even the howl of a lone coyote. The desert was silent, like it was waiting for something; like it was holding its breath. Like it was dead. That particular thought didn't steady my nerves any.
Stephanie always thought of me as some sort of super hero, like I was her own personal Batman. The fact was, I was just a normal guy who had ambition and emotions just like everyone else. The only difference between me and most of the rest of the population of the world was that I didn't show all those emotions. I locked them up, blocked them out, and ignored them for as long as possible. Stephanie didn't have the copyright on denial land.
Blowing out a silent breath I tried to calm my heartbeat which was steadily increasing in pace. Normally, I was pretty calm before and during a mission, only letting myself breakdown once it was finished and everyone was back to where they need to be. Those are the times I would let myself go. More often than not, once the breakdown occurred, I would break into Steph's apartment to watch her sleep, slowly allowing my broken soul to heal as I listened to her even breathing. Unfortunately, nothing about this particular mission was normal, and it didn't look like I would be visiting her bedroom again. Invited or not. That knowledge hurt, but I pushed it away. That was a pain that would keep; it wasn't going anywhere.
Don't think about her. She doesn't matter. She's in your past. She doesn't have space for you in her future. She was just a piece of ass. There are plenty of women ready and willing to take her place. You don't love her. You don't love her. You don't love her. I really wished I could shut off my brain or at least the little voice that was whispering in my ear. It was a shitty liar. Goddammit, Manoso. Focus or you'll be dead and won't have to worry about any voice in your head. You won't have to worry about anything except the licking flames of Hell.
A glance at my watch told me that it was time to make my move. Sunrise wasn't that far off and I wanted to be far away from this hellhole before the light of day cast its shadow on my mission. There was no more time to worry about my heart, it would have to wait. This time I successfully shut out the voice in my head. I was no longer Carlos, the man. I was no longer Ranger, the mercenary. I was Nychta, the walking, breathing weapon. I was the Night.