A/N: BELZO! IM SO EXCIIIIIIIIITED AND I JUST CAN'T HIIIIIIIIIIDE IT!

lols I can tell :P could it be cause we have another chappo of los secrets?

duhhhhhhhhhhhh :D :D :D :D :D :D

lols. I'm excited...cause this is sooooo epic. But you know what? It's still completely lame that Smeyer owns

I agree. Thankfully we've got reviewers that don't mind a little (and by a little, I mean a lot) of smut. :)

duhhh, cause our reviews are the best!

so maybe... since it's been like... months people may want to leave one, after this chap? Please? Maybe?

i hope so...cause if there's one thing that's the best in the world,it's reviewing :)

Secrets- Chapters 40- 51

EPOV

Bella came back a few minutes later with two bowls, two boxes of cereal and the bottle of milk. I laughed, pushing myself up as she hopped back in bed. "Thanks, love."

She pulled off her (my) jacket, and threw it across the end of the bed. She passed me a bowl then arranged herself. "The bowl is full, I just wasn't sure if you were a one bowl kinda guy or two."

"Depends on how hungry I am." I said with an eyebrow wiggle. "Hey, isn't today our wedding day?"

"It is." She nodded, taking a spoonful of cereal. "Why, getting cold feet?" She smirked.

"No, I was just thinking." I told her, chewing a little. "Shouldn't you be freaking out and like...getting your hair curled? Isn't that what chicks do when they get married?"

"Do you want me to curl my hair?" She asked, sounding slightly self conscious as she put down her bowl and picked at the ends of her hair. "I don't know, I've never planned on getting married so I don't know what I should or shouldn't be doing. So I figure I'll just do what comes natural, what calms me down and makes me happy - and that's just being with you."

I put my bowl on the nightstand and pulled her over to me. "I love you. And I don't care what you do as long as you say 'I do'. Whatever you want, Bella. Today is gonna be whatever you want."

I just needed her to know that I would do anything for her; protected her from everything and catch her if she fell. My wife; she was going to be my wife.

I felt her relax against me, her lips pressing into the column of my neck. "I promise, I will." She said, then sat back, grinning. "I want to practice."

I looked up at her, not following. "For..."

She grabbed my hand, her eyes never leaving mine. "For this part, because I'm going to be so nervous and excited." She said, pulling off her own engagement ring and smiled at me. "I Bella Swan, take you Edward Cullen to be my husband." She said, sliding the ring onto part of my pinkie. "To love and cherish in sickness and in health, in Seattle or the Amazon, for richer or poorer, for the the rest of my life."

I laughed a little and smiled up at her. "It's my turn then?" She nodded a little, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth and trying to surpress her grin. I pulled her ring off my finger, sitting up a little so my forehead was resting against hers. "I, Edward Cullen, take you Isabella Swan, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I had to kiss her because she was right there. "To love and to cherish, in sickness, broken bones, and in health." I slid the ring on a little, running my fingers over the skin on her palm. "For richer, for poorer." I slid it on completely, and looked up at her. "Until I cease to exist."

"I love you." She murmured, her lips fusing to mine. "thank you for wanting this with me."

I cupped the back of her head in my hand and lingered just over her lips. "Never without you; never with anyone but you."

Bella moved to straddle me, and her hips started moving rhythmically against me. "Show me."

Gladly, I thought, pressing her closer to me and pushing my cock against her. "Baby, I want you so fucking bad," I told her, lifting her a little so that she was square over my dick. Her hands moved to my hair and she was panting against me. "Then have me."

Simple enough, and somehow I knew I already did.

I nodded, lifting her a little higher and slowly settled her down on my cock. She adjusted for a second, and right when I thought I'd explode without any friction, she started moving. Her hips were rounding over mine in slow, heavy circles and I could feel her clit mashing against my pubic bone, making her shiver. At first I was content to have her ride me, but it soon became too much.

I wanted to give her what she gave me and I wanted her to feel what I felt when she was with me. I couldn't be without her anymore.

"Fuck, Edward..." She moaned, her hips starting to move faster as she bounced on my cock. Fuck, she was beautiful.

"What, baby," I mumbled, my hands drifting over her breasts, and then down the smooth skin of her stomach. "Tell me what you want."

"You...me...fuck...I need...to come," She panted, moving even faster as my fingers found her clit. "EDWARD!" She screamed, arching against me as I bit down on her neck, meeting her thrusts with my own.

"Then do it, baby," I commanded, my thumb circling her clit harder as i felt her walls begin to flutter around me. "Come all over my cock."

And then she did. Her breasts arched into my chest, her pussy gripping my cock like a vice grip. God, she was perfect. I pushed all the way into her before I finally let go, shooting my load into her depths.

Bella rolled off of me, but I pulled her into my side, pressing my lips to her forehead. I couldn't lose her. It was in every breath I drew and everything I saw. I couldn't be without her. "I feel like we're doing this backwards."

She readjusted, turning to look at me but pulled herself closer. "How do you figure? We had a practice ceremony, that was our practice honeymoon." She smirked. "You haven't seen anything yet."

I smirked into her hair. "I haven't?"

"You let out my inner nypho. You better build your stamina for the honeymoon. Once we don't have to use protection, I'm going to be begging for it even more. I love how it feels when you let go with no barrier."

I groaned, pulsing my arms around her and buried my face in her hair. "Don't...don't ever leave."

She wrapped her arms more tightly around me and pressed her lips against my cheek. "I have no intention of doing any such thing."

"Good." I murmured. Maybe she'd never find out; why would she have to, right? I mean, what did it matter? It's not like she loved James. It was just that the one person she trusted more than anyone else with her fucking heart was keeping an insane secret from her. I wondered why James hadn't just given it up yesterday. I knew he was pissed, that much was obvious, but he hadn't told Bella anything. It was a stroke of luck, but at the same time it might have been the final nail in my coffin. There was no way I could tell her now. She'd leave. And as selfish as it was, I couldn't let that happen.

She started to rumble a little, and I looked down at her scrunched up face. "I don't want to get up."

"No one asked you to." I whispered, trying to curl myself more tightly around her.

"I have to. I' have to get James' stuff together and get ready to meet him."

"And this must be done?" I grumbled, not really liking the thought of letting her go.

"The sooner I get it done, the sooner we can get married." SHe murmured, brushing her lisp to mine before kissing me soundly.

"Sooner we skip it, the sooner we can get married." I countered, rolling her over and kissing her again. "We haven't even done the post fucking nap yet."

I'll get James' things together and get ready; you nap. I'll leave a note if you're still asleep before I leave."

I pouted into her skin. "But...but...I want you. I want you with me." I was acting like a five year old, and it was probably not attractive, but I was beyond caring. "I love you."

"Okay, how about I nap with you til you fall asleep, then I'll get going." Kiss. "Edward, once I give James this box of his crap, it'll be done, 100% over with. It'll just be you, me and our life. No more lies, or any of the baggage."

I nodded against her because there was really nothing I could say. I had to tell her; I just had to. She deserved as much. She needed to know the truth because she was too fucking perfect not to. "I love you, Bella, no matter what." I whispered, burying my face in her shoulder and clinging to her with everything I had. Without Bella, I had nothing at all.

I woke up as I heard Bella's car backing out of the driveway, so I showered and changed, trying to figure out what to do without her around. Then the phone rang. I wanted it to be Bella so badly, but unfortunately, it wasn't.

"Hey Ballsac whatcha doin?"

I rolled my eyes and poured the coffee. "Nothing, Rose, what's up?"

She laughed into the phone, "Nothing. Mom wanted to have lunch with us this afternoon. Can you make it?"

"Uh, yeah sure. What time?"

"2:30. We're meeting at the hospital."

"Okay, Rosie, I'll see you then." Rose texted me eight times that afternoon to make sure I would be on time, and she was even waiting for me at the front doors of the hospital.

"Hiya, handsome!" She said, linking her arm through mine.

"Hey, Rose." I kissed the side of her head and we headed in to find our mother.

"No Jasper?" I asked.

"No, he's got something going on with Alice. The Max's like, holistic shit or something." Rose and I both rolled our eyes at the mention of Alice's latest obsession with Max's spiritual well being. In my opinion, all he needed was some dirt on his knees and a smile on his face. That would make him a happy camper.

"Edward? That'd better be my Rosalie on your arm!" I heard my mother call.

"Hey." I smiled at her as she leaned up and kissed both of us on the cheek.

"Listen you two, I'm almost ready to go. Just let me drop off my coat and grab my bag. I shouldn't be longer than a moment."

I nodded and let my eyes wander around the space, and I felt Rose's head lean against my shoulder. I really didn't see her enough. My mother put some paper work on the other side of the desk, then something over my shoulder caught her attention.

"Bella! Honey, is that you?"

I froze immediately. Bella? No, it couldn't be my Bella... it couldn't-

"Um, hi Dr. Cullen."

Shit.

Hey, Bella. I love you.

BPOV

James and I agreed to meet at the hospital - neutral territory - to exchange what we had each left at the other's apartment. I had texted him to see if he was free, and if not, where and who I could give this stuff to. I just wanted to be done with our entire fucked up relationship once and for all.

I just wanted to be on a completely fresh plain without anything to stop me from marrying Edward; not that the cardboard box of miscellaneous sweatshirts and lighters would have.

James had texted me back almost immediately saying my stuff was in his car at the hospital and to meet him there in an hour. I ran a few miscellaneous errands before finally getting to the hospital about ten minutes early.

I waited.

And waited.

I had been waiting over half an hour for James, without so much as a text from him. He had probably gotten a new call, so I wasn't worried; I knew I could be waiting awhile. I turned back towards the main set of doors and saw Dr. Cullen round the corner. She smiled and waived at two people facing away from me, one with a familiar mop of bronze hair. I felt my legs move towards them as I tried to see if I wasn't just seeing Edward in random places now. And then it all began to make sense.

The head of the ER was a Dr. Cullen.

Edward's mom was a doctor.

Edward's last name was Cullen.

Oh my god.

"Bella! Honey, is that you?" Her voice rang out.

My cheeks immediately turned pink as Edward's surprised face and his stoic blonde haired sister turned to face me. "Um, hi Dr. Cullen."

She smiled warmly and elbowed herself between the two to stand in front of them. Her arms wrapped around me in a hug and I returned the gesture. "What are you doing here? Did you fall again?"

She turned her head to the side speaking to Edward and Rosalie. "Bella's biggest nemesis seems to be her own two feet." She chided, laughing quietly to herself. "Oh, wait! Where are my manners!" She turned so she could face all of us. "Bella, this is my son Edward and my daughter Rosalie. Edward, Rosalie this is my all star patient, Bella -"

"Swan." Edward's voice murmured, as his eyes remained fixed on me.

"Why... yes? Do you two know each other?"

"Um well.."
"Yes."

He and I said at the same time. Rosalie and Dr. Cullen turned to face each other and smirked.

"Um well, yes?" Dr. Cullen asked, trying to clarify. She paused looking from him to me and back and her face softened with recognition. "Wait, Edward is this Isabella, the Isabella?"

He grinned and nodded, "Of course she is."

I bit my lip, trying to hide the blush as my eyes cast down. She wrapped her arms around me again, and I returned the embrace. "I'm glad you two have met." She murmured.

I felt my face go a deeper shade of red as she pulled away, smiling sweetly at me.

I wasn't sure what to say, so I returned the smile looking over at Edward who was grinning so widely you could fit a football in his mouth.

"Bella dear, you should join us for lunch - there's much to discuss." I looked over to Edward who was in front of me but just to the side. "I don't want to impose..." I trailed off.

"Oh nonsense dear, Edward you don't mind if she comes to lunch with us do you?"

He glanced down quickly, looking up at me through his lashes. "Will you come to lunch, please?"

How could I say no? My heart was racing and the hairs on my arms were standing on end. You don't fucking say no, that's just it.

I nodded a little and turned to face Esme. "I'd love to."

"Wonderful!" She said as I followed their lead and began walking with them towards the exit doors. Edward hung back a bit and I felt his hand wrap around mine. I looked down at our entwined fingers and smiled, looking up at him.

"It's just too bad Tanya isn't here. After her phone call this morning saying you two had finally set a date, I figured she'd want to come along so we could start planning." Esme said more to Rose as she continued to walk in front of us.

"Set a date?" I asked, stopping dead in my tracks. Esme and Rose stopped to turn around and look at Edward and I. Immediately I pulled my hand from his. "Yes dear, have you met Edward's fiancee, Tanya?"

I let out a discrete exhale and nodded. "Once."

She smiled faintly and nodded. "Probably for the best, Tanya isn't the biggest fan of Edward having female friends." She shook her head as if clearing her mind from a bad memory. "Regardless, didn't Edward tell you? Oh heavens, perhaps you haven't had time dear." She continued looking at him. "I didn't mean to let the cat out of the bag."

Edward eyes blinked rapidly, shaking his head as if confused. But maybe it was all an act? "Mom, what're you... Tanya? You must be confused. Tanya and I-"

"Set the date. I know dear, she called me this morning and said that you two had patched up the little miss communication and things were better. I think it's wonderful that you two aren't planning a big to-do and are getting married at the Lakehouse next month."

Rosalie turned to her brother and I was thankful that all eyes were on him. I felt the blood drain from my face and instead of going beet red I felt about as pale as a piece of binder paper. They... reconciled? Why? Because of last night and James? But he and I had talked... he said he understood. Edward was about to speak but the words left my mouth first.

"Dr. Cullen have you seen James?"

Her eyes darted to me and she smiled, shaking her head. "No dear. Though I heard he just got his scheduled changed. You must be thrilled he'll have more time for you."

I didn't bother looking at Edward as I smiled. "I hadn't heard the news of it changing again, but I'm sure it'll be good for us." I said, the bile churning in my stomach.

"Oh, is that why you're here then?" She asked, tilting her head curiously.

I nodded. "Yes, I was away on... business and I came by to see him on his break."

"Well isn't that lovely."

I nodded, suddenly seeing my way out of this situation. "It was great seeing you, but I really have to find James. I... I need to revisit something with him." Edward's eyes snapped to mine and widened.

"Oh of course dear. If I see him when I get back I'll let him know you were here and to call you."

I mustered up the sweetest smile I could. "Great, thank you. Oh - and it was great to see you again Rosalie... Edward." I replied turning on my heels and walking back towards my seat to wait.

Well, I guess being in a hospital was the best place to be when your heart stopped.

EPOV

I was going to fucking kill Tanya. What the hell was going on? What was my life? This could not be happening.

I walked in a daze with the two of them to a little restaurant around the corner from the hospital. All I wanted to do was go back there, and hope that Bella knew it wasn't true, because I sure as fuck had no idea what was going on. A date? Tanya had set a date? God, this all fucking sucked.

Rosalie took my hand and led me over through the restaurant like I was five, and I sat in between them at the table.

"So, Honey, you must be excited." My mother said, buttering a roll after the waiter took our order.

"Uh... about what?" Losing the love of my life? Having to go to jail for murdering my exgirlfriend? Oh, yeah. I was completely thrilled.

"Your wedding, silly goose!" She said, exchanging a look with my sister.

"I..." I let my sentence trail off. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say or do that this point. I had no fucking idea what was happening. After that no one really talked to me. I supplied the necessary "yeahs" and 'mhms' but beyond that, I wasn't worth anything. All I could think about was what Bella would say to me when I saw her again- if I saw her again. We ordered, I ate, let them chat about place settings then I was allowed to leave. Maybe Bella would still be at the hospital...

"Edward," My mother called, pulling me back into the moment. "Can I have a word?"

I gulped and nodded, following her up to her office. No Bella, I noticed. I took a seat in the chair across from her desk and slumped down.

"Honey, what's going on?" She sat next to me, pulling her chair closer and running her hand through my hair.

"Nothing. Everything's fine." NO! I wanted to shout, everything was NOT fine. Fine was the very last thing that could be used to describe me.

"Edward, I'm your mother. I know when you're fine, and you certainly aren't fine."

I sighed, "I know. But it's just... God, everything is so screwed up."

She sighed and pushed the hair off of my forehead. "What is it sweetheart? What's wrong?"

"Tanya and I broke up. A few weeks ago."

"Ah." My mother said, her hand moving down to my shoulder. "I thought as much."

"And I've been seeing Bella."

"You have?" She asked, sounding surprised. "Then why was she-"

"Because he won't leave her alone. He's being horrible to her, Mom. And I'm such an idiot." I lamented, rubbing my face with my hands.

"Edward, all you have to do is explain to Bella that is was a misunderstanding. She'll understand."

I shook my head, "No. She won't. She'll be pissed, just like she should be. And what about Tanya? What the hell does all of this mean? That I have be with her?" Please, kill me now.

"Honey, it doesn't matter what's expected of you, nor what even Tanya wants. If you're unhappy, then there's no point. You don't have to be a martyr for the rest of your life."

I shook my head, "I can't be with, Tanya. Mom, I can't do it."

My mother ran her hand across the back of my neck, whispering. "That's okay, Sweetheart. You don't have to."

I nodded and she leaned in, pressing a kiss to my cheek. "I have to get back to work, but call me if you need me honey. Or you can always stop by."

"I know, Mom. Thanks." I gave her a small smile and pressed a kiss into her hair. I walked out completely sure of two things: I wanted Bella, and I needed to be with her. Forever.

But first, I just had to find her.