Summary: For Mika, life is a constant struggle for survival. After some very unfortunate situations, she has isolated herself and is dangerously close to losing her sanity. That is, until she meets Kurama who turns her life upside down. But things begin to get out of control when it is discovered that she could have a strange connection to a mysterious legendary force that could be plotting a major takeover of all three worlds! Could her misery be nothing more that a cruel twist of fate or is this all connected to something even bigger?
Disclaimer: Do you really think I own Yu Yu Hakusho?
Angel's Cry
Chapter 13
"Head On"
I'm going to get you.
And you know that I am, Mika.
Don't lie to yourself.
You're not getting better.
And you're never going to get better.
Your 'friends' can't help you...
No one can.
You're a monster, just like me.
Do you hear that?
It's me calling you.
A fallen angel's battle cry.
My battle cry.
We'll wage war against the entire universe...
and we'll make everyone pay for our pain.
But we can't begin until your heart is in shreds, and you're screaming for my help.
I'll make sure you get there.
~.~.~.~.~
Mika jolted awake and let out a quickly stifled scream. Her heart was pounding so much that she thought that it was about to explode out of her chest, and her breath was coming out in short quick bursts. She slapped her hand over her chest as she looked around.
"It was just a bad dream," she whispered to herself as she realized that she was in her room.
A sudden knock on her door caused her to let out a squeak as she jumped.
"Mika?"
"C-Come in," she answered just as the door was thrown open.
All four boys stood clustered outside her bedroom door. All four pairs of eyes were wide and alert as their eyes scanned the inside of her room.
"Are you okay?" Kurama questioned.
"Y-Yes, I'm fine."
"Why did you scream?" Hiei demanded.
"I... I just had a bad dream," she said as she pulled her pillow into her lap. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to wake you all."
"Nah, you didn't wake us up," Yusuke said, his voice oddly careful as he stared at her. "We were just about to head out to train."
"Oh."
"Why don't you come with us?" Kurama suggested as the rest of the boys went their own separate ways after making sure that she was alright.
"Ummm... sure?"
"We'll wait for you downstairs," the redhead said before he closed the door to let her change.
~.~.~.~.~
"Did you guys feel that energy?" Yusuke questioned as he flopped down onto the couch.
Kurama took a seat next to him, as he pressed his closed fist against his mouth in thought.
"Yeah, I did," Kuwabara said as he cracked his knuckles. "Someone was here when she screamed."
"Or something," Hiei added as he took a seat on the windowsill.
"Hiei's right," Kurama agreed. "If an intruder had broken in, we would've known in an instant. There was a presence here---an otherworldly presence."
"What, you mean like a ghost?" Yusuke wondered out loud.
"In a sense."
"That thing, whatever it was, was the same presence I felt yesterday." Hiei warned.
"This isn't good," Kuwabara shook his head. "If that thing was strong enough to mess with the shrimp, then who knows what's going to happen next?"
"One thing is for sure: we need to take precautions," Kurama said. "We should set up wards in the house to keep that presence away, and warn Spirit World. It may be a wandering spirit."
"That's crazy powerful," Yusuke added, "I'll call Botan and see if she can bring over some wards."
"And in the meantime, we need to keep watch over Mika at all times until she sets them up." Kurama said as he heard soft footsteps coming down the hall above.
"I'm ready to go," Mika announced as she descended the stairs.
"Cool," Yusuke said as he jumped up and wound up his arms in circles. "I'm goin' crazy with all this pent-up energy. I could use a good fight."
Mika just smiled slightly, not knowing how to respond. There were bags beneath her chocolate eyes which were dark with worry. She looked pale and slightly weak, and her hair was pulled back from her face in a messy bun. When she caught Kurama staring at her intently, she bit her lip. He just smiled at her, but remained silent as he ushered her out the house.
~.~.~.~.~
Mika sat on the bleachers outside of the arena watching as the boys warmed up. She sat with her hands in her lap, and her mind was on rampage.
What is happening? she wondered as she recalled her eerie dream. All she could remember was a voice talking to her, but it was so distant that she could barely hear it. She remembered that she felt like an icy hand had been reaching into her chest, squeezing her heart tightly and she remembered horrible pictures flying before her vision. She shivered at the hazy memory, and squeezed her eyes tightly.
You're a monster, just like me.
"I'm not a monster..." she whispered.
"Well, I'd hope not."
Mika jumped when a voice cut through her thoughts. She glanced up and saw Kurama and Hiei approaching her. The redhead had a teasing grin on his face, while Hiei's face was clear of emotion. He nodded at her before he took a seat.
"How did you---?"
Kurama tapped his finger on his ear, "Animalistic hearing."
"Ah," she nodded as he took a seat next to her.
"What's wrong?" he questioned, "You're acting strange today."
"Nothing."
"Are you sure?" he asked one last time, and when she shook her head, he turned to watch the fight taking place in the arena.
They sat in silence for a while as they watched Yusuke and Kuwabara fight. After it was over, Hiei stood up and swapped places with Kuwabara.
"My turn," Kurama whispered to her as he stood up. He placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a smile. "I hope you feel better."
She smiled back at him, and she watched as he strolled towards the ring at a leisurely pace. Yusuke and Kuwabara collapsed onto the bench beside her.
"What's up?" Yusuke said as he stretched his arms out in front of him and let out a yawn.
"Nothing," she smiled at him.
"Hey, did you hear about that concert that going to be held downtown next week?"
"Concert?" she quirked an eyebrow, "No, I didn't."
"Well, Kuwabara and I were gonna go," Yusuke said, "You wanna come with? I've got a guy that can hook us up with free tickets."
"Me?"
"Yeah, why not?" he grinned at her.
"It's going to be awesome!" Kuwabara grinned, "You're always hanging around Kurama, so we don't get to spend much time with you."
"By the way, is there anything going on between you and Foxboy?" Yusuke winked.
"W-What?" Mika could feel her face turning bright red.
"We've heard rumors."
"No," she shook her head, "Kurama and I are just friends."
"You sure?" Kuwabara teased her.
"Yes!"
"Mhmmm..." Yusuke murmured, "Well just so you know---we've got our eyes on you two, missy. No funny business---unless we know first."
Mika rolled her eyes, and the two teenagers laughed at her. She frowned and remained quiet as they began to chatter amongst themselves. She turned her attention to the fight taking place in the arena; her attention going straight to her favorite redhead. Wherever he moved, whatever he did, her eyes were on him.
"Checkin' Kurama out?"
"I can hear you, Yusuke," Kurama yelled from the ring without missing a beat as he moved out of the way to avoid Hiei's attack. "Stop pestering her."
"Awww, you just focus on your fight, Foxboy before Hiei knocks your teeth out."
Mika's face was as red as a fire hydrant, and she tuned out the laughter around her.
How humiliating...
~.~.~.~.~
"What are we having for lunch today? I'm starving!"
Everyone was gathered around the table for a late lunch, anxiously waiting for Kurama to finish preparing the meal. The boys had been going at it for hours; it was nearly 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Yusuke and Kuwabara both had a fork and a knife in each hand, and each was licking his lips as he thought of what delicious dish would be served today.
"Something quick and simple today," Kurama said as he sat down a platter stacked high with sandwiches.
"Darn," Yusuke's face fell slightly as he set down his silverware. He reached out and grabbed three sandwiches and dropped them onto his plate. The boys followed Yusuke's example and reached out to grab something, but Mika remained still in her seat.
The woman's eyes were cast downward, her eyes lingering blankly on her empty plate. She could help but replay that dream over and over in her head. Whenever she closed her eyes, she could see horrifying pictures. Some were memories; some were not. Each one was positively and equally as terrifying as the one before and the next to come.
You're a monster, just like me.
A monster...
Monster.
"Hey, Mika?"
She looked up to see everyone watching her carefully.
"C'mon, dig in." Kuwabara insisted as he pushed the platter closer to her.
Mika eyed the food disdainfully. She didn't even want to look at it. Her stomach was churning in hunger, but she couldn't even bring herself to pretend to eat.
You're not getting better.
"It's really good," Yusuke said in coaxing voice as he waved his own sandwich in front of her face.
You're never going to get better.
"I'm not hungry," she insisted.
Your 'friends' can't help you.
"Mika?" Kurama called her name in a pleading voice.
No one can help you.
Mika pressed her hands against her ears, and gritted her teeth. She couldn't focus. Her head felt like it was about to split in half. She pushed back from the table, her seat screeching as it scraped against the wood floor, and she stood up.
"I'm not hungry. I'm going to take a walk."
Everyone watched as the woman stormed away from the table, and disappeared around the corner. When they heard the slam of the front door and the crunching of grass underneath feet, the boys all let out a collective sigh.
"She hasn't eaten at all today," Yusuke said.
"And she hasn't taken her medicine either." Kuwabara added, "This is really bad."
Kurama stood up, "I should---"
"I'll handle it."
Everyone turned to look at the fire demon in disbelief. Hiei was standing and wrapping a sandwich in a napkin before tucking it into his pocket.
"You'll handle it?" Yusuke scoffed.
"He'll kill her!" Kuwabara said, "I bet you he's going to try and force her to eat! He'll shove that sandwich down her throat, and when she chokes to death he'll just bury her somewhere!"
Hiei just glared dangerously at the redhead, "I'll keep that idea in mind when I plan your death."
"What?" Kuwabara roared when Yusuke let out a roar of laughter, "Come here you little---"
But Hiei had already flitted out of sight.
~.~.~.~.~
Mika was trudging through the forest in silence. The only sounds around her were the crunching of leaves beneath her feet, the rustle of the foliage, and the chirping and chattering of the wildlife. She had her arms folded tightly across her chest, and her eyes were downcast.
Hiei remained silent as he tailed the young woman. He didn't bother to make his presence known but settled on keeping a watchful eye on her instead. He followed her, jumping from tree to tree, as she followed the long winding path aimlessly. He stopped when she reached the clearing where their arena was located. He made himself comfortable on a thick sturdy branch, and he watched her carefully.
Mika climbed into the ring, and she began to walk along the edge with her arms spread out in an effort to keep herself balanced. Hiei had to admit that he was impressed. She moved as gracefully as a dancer, her sense of balance never wavering, as she moved one foot in front of the other quickly before she let out a loud sound of frustration. She spun around and began to trudge towards the center of the ring, kicking up some of the rubble that had been scattered across the surface from the crater Yusuke had made from his match earlier that morning. She was muttering something unintelligible beneath her breath.
Hiei watched as her irritation grew, and she was now throwing rocks as hard as she could into the forest beside her. She began to let out loud growls, and he watched in confusion as she reached up into her hair and began to tug on her long silvery locks until she looked like a deranged madwoman.
"Get out of my head!" she screeched loudly, "Why can't I forget?"
Angry tears welled up in her amber eyes and spilled down her flushed cheeks. She collapsed to her knees and buried her head in her hands. She was screaming now as if she were really and truly in pain.
Hiei didn't move an inch from his position in the tree. He closed his eyes and tuned out her loud screams. She was grieving and this was something that she needed to do alone. He shook his head as he leaned back in the tree.
Mika was now pounding her fists against the stone angrily. He could see all the anger and despair she had. He felt his mouth twitch into a frown, and he watched as she pounded her tiny fists against the ground until the sides of her hands were raw red. She would probably bruise, but he remained in the dark shelter of the forest. She continued for another good five minutes, and when Hiei heard a loud 'thump' followed by labored breathing, he jumped out of the tree and headed for the ring. Mika was sprawled across the ground in an exhausted heap, her shoulders shaking with each heavy breath she took. She didn't seem to realize he was there until he nudged her in the side with the toe of his boot.
She raised her eyes before she turned her face so he couldn't see her expression, "Please go away, Hiei."
Hiei remained silent, rolling his eyes slightly, before he took a seat on the ground beside her. "Why?"
She muttered something unintelligible underneath her breath, her arms muffling the sound even more.
"I can't hear you clearly. Speak up," she remained stonily silent, and refused to speak. He waited impatiently for her to open her mouth and speak, and when she didn't, he sighed. "You know what? The thing I despise most of all is a coward. Crying never helps anyone, and in your case starving yourself is only going to make things worse. You can't expect Kurama to stitch you back together every time you fall apart. Stand on your own two feet, get some confidence, and get over it. The only way to move on is to face your problems head on."
Mika couldn't help the slight edge of anger that boiled underneath the surface. She let out a sarcastic snicker, and she slowly sat up. A few stray tears ran down her cheeks and she quickly wiped them away and shot him an accusing glare. "You're one to talk. You won't even tell Yukina that you're her brother!"
"I'm not the one crying like a baby, now am I?"
"How can I face my problems if they're in the past?"
"Forget them," he shrugged simply.
"Easier said than done." When Hiei gave her a condescending stare and snorted, she elaborated to defend herself. "You don't understand," she sighed, "I just can't forget what's happened to me. It's affected me so much---my whole life. It still hurts, and I want to make it stop."
"I just told you how. Don't be a coward," Hiei said as he spun on his heel signaling that he had heard enough of her complaints. "Come to me when you're ready, otherwise don't speak to me. I don't associate with weaklings."
Mika narrowed her eyes at the back of the fire demon's head, and she puffed her cheeks out in frustration.
"Kurama is waiting for you. I've never seen him so worried and caught up in someone other than his own mother. And if you can bring that out in him..." Hiei's voice trailed off and she could hear his footsteps halt for a moment. "You must be something special. Maybe you aren't as worthless as I think. Here,"
Mika perked a brow as Hiei tossed a small bundle of white towards her. She pulled it open, and when she saw what was inside she frowned.
Hiei didn't even have to turn to see the expression on her face. "You need to eat."
"I'll eat later."
A low growl rumbled in Hiei's throat, and in a blink of an eye he had his hand wrapped tightly around her wrist. Her own eyes were as wide as a frightened fawn's; his own were narrowed into a deadly glare.
"I am going to be outright and honest with you," he growled through his teeth, "because you seem to be denser than I thought. Everyone else is walking on eggshells around you trying not to hurt your 'feelings' or ruin your 'confidence' and all that bullshit. But I don't give a damn how you feel because you need a reality check."
Mika's face contoured into pain as Hiei squeezed her arms tighter. "Hiei---"
"Does that hurt?" She could feel tears welling up in her eyes as she nodded. He released her arm, and she brought it to her chest in defense. "You're already bruising. If I were to do that to any other human it would hurt a bit but not enough to bruise. I'm barely using any of my strength. Do you now see how weak you are? If you don't stop this now, you are going to die."
Mika smashed her lips together into a tight line as she struggled to stop the water welling up at the sides of her eyes. But she couldn't stop it. The tears spilled over and streaked down her cheeks.
"Why don't you stop being selfish?" Hiei hissed, "If you won't get better for yourself, then do it for Kurama and everyone else. If you die, they'll all be upset. And if you won't change then just leave before you hurt anyone."
"I-I can't leave."
"Why not?"
Mika closed her eyes as more tears fell. She bowed her head in shame as she tried to stop the oncoming tears. She knew that Hiei was right; crying about it would never help. Only change would. She could see her friend's faces flashing before her eyes. She could see them all crowded around her hospital bed, their faces twisted in pain and grief. She focused on Kurama's face. That beautiful kind face---twisted with despair--- and she could feel her heart break. She would cause that pain. And after all he did to take hers away. This was no way to repay him.
"I don't want to lose them," Mika whispered, "they're all I have."
"So do you want to give them up?" Mika shook her head quickly, and Hiei bent down to pick up the sandwich she had dropped. He handed it back to her. "Then eat. It's not your fault what happened to you, but it's your choice in the end to stay down or get up and fight."
Mika held the sandwich in her hands and she kept her eyes on the ground, too ashamed to look up at Hiei's retreating back.
"Remember what I said," he said as he vanished, "And don't get lost on the way back or you'll just cause more trouble for me."
She didn't look up until she was sure that Hiei had left completely. She walked to the edge of the arena before she sat down, dangling her long legs off the edge. She wiped away her last remaining tears, and she pulled up her long sleeves and rubbed the light bruise that had encircled her wrist. She let out a sigh as she looked at the offensive sandwich.
"I'll always be here for you, Mika."
Mika closed her eyes and reached for the sandwich. She pulled it open, and without looking at it, she began to force herself to eat.
And I want to be here for you too, Kurama, she thought, so I'm going to change.
~.~.~.~.~
"She's back!"
Mika returned to the house about two hours later. It was close to six o'clock, and she didn't want to be caught out in the forest in the dark. She had been wandering around and exploring the tiny woods behind the house as Hiei's words rang through her mind. She enjoyed her little exploration and was walking through the door when she was suddenly pulled into a tight embrace. She let out a frightened yelp as she was lifted off her feet and whisked into the living room.
"You're not dead!" Kuwabara rejoiced as he set the slightly confused woman down on her feet.
"Yeah, we were just about to look for you!" Yusuke said, as he rushed down the stairs, in the middle of throwing on a jacket. "We thought Hiei was lying when he said that you were just fine."
"Did he attack you?" Kuwabara questioned.
Mika's eyes shot to her wrist, and she was thankful that she had worn long sleeves. "No."
"Your hands," Yusuke said, his sharp brown eyes eyeing her tiny palms that were black and blue. His eyes flickered back to Hiei who was sitting on the window sill.
"I did it to myself," she said. "I was really angry."
"Alright," Yusuke said, the smile reappearing on his face. He ruffled her hair before he jumped over the couch and landed with a sigh. He stretched out like a cat, and grabbed the remote. "Eh, you did an alright job as a babysitter, Hiei. I can't believe you volunteered to go get her though."
"I don't need a babysitter," Mika protested. "You volunteered?"
Hiei remained rolled his eyes as he headed for the stairs to make an escape to his room. "Don't make a big deal about it."
Kuwabara filled in for him. "Yeah, Kurama was on his way to talk to you when Hiei told him that he'd handle it. We were all shocked."
"Why?"
"First Kurama and now Hiei! You must be special to get those two to act the way they're acting now."
"What do you mean?"
Yusuke's lips twisted up into a thoughtful smile as he looked at her, "Kurama's never been so... I don't know... alive. He's so much more talkative now, and he acts more our age now. Like at the beach? Before you came around, he'd never come into the water. It's almost like he's loosening up and much more open. Don't get me wrong! There was nothing wrong with him before---but I like it better this way."
Kuwabara chimed in with a snort, "Yeah! And now look at the shrimp! He's being nice and acting so caring!"
Mika flushed bright red as she shook her head. "Where's Kurama?"
"Upstairs in his room," Yusuke answered as he flipped through the TV guides.
She smiled as she walked towards the stairs before something caught her eye. A strip of paper was tied and hanging from the stair rail. She walked to it and could see a graceful calligraphy script written in an ancient language she couldn't understand.
"What's this?" she questioned as she moved to rip it from its perch on the rail.
"No!"
She looked up at Yusuke with a puckered brow. He shook his head before he elaborated, "Botan put those up while you were gone. It's a ward to keep rouge spirits away because we don't want whatever that thing that possessed Hiei yesterday to come back."
"Oh," Mika said as she withdrew her hand.
Kuwabara's eyes darted to hers before he turned back to the television, "Don't worry about it."
"Alright," she shrugged before she turned to head back up the stairs. She swept past the different rooms before she came to a stop in front of Kurama's. She hesitated before she knocked softly on the door. "Kurama? It's me."
"Who's me?" a taunting voice came from inside the room.
She flushed a soft shade of pink, "It's Mika!"
"Who's Mika?"
"Kurama," she wailed while laughing, "Stop being silly! May I come in?"
The doorknob jiggled softly before he opened the door. He had apparently just gotten out of the shower because his face was flushed, his hair was damp and hung around his face, and he smelled wonderfully fresh.
"Of course you can," he grinned as he ushered her inside and closed the door behind her.
Mika moved to his bed and collapsed on it, her hair coming loose from its messy bun and splaying across the bed. She sighed, and Kurama smiled at her as he walked to the bathroom.
"Are you feeling better?" he called out.
"Yeah," she called out as she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. "And I wanted to say that I'm sorry."
Kurama came out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his shoulders as he rubbed his fiery mane trying to get it dry. One eyebrow was perked in confusion as he came over to the bed and sat down beside her.
"What are you sorry about?"
She opened her eyes to take a good look at his face. The corners of his lips were turned down into a frown and his eyes were narrowed with worry.
"I'm sorry for always making you worry about me," she said as she reached up and lightly touched the side of his face. "And I'm always sorry that you have to be the one to pick up the pieces. And I'm sorry because you've done so much for me, and I the way I repay you is by being a burden."
She opened her mouth to continue when Kurama cut her off, "Burden?" He scoffed when she nodded sadly. He shook his head in disbelief and took her hand into his. "You're not a burden, Mika. Why would you say such a thing?"
"But you always have to---"
"Mika, I don't have to do anything that I'm doing now. We both know that. But I want to do all of this. I want to help you. I want to be there for you. I've wanted to since I met you, I want to now, and I always will. You're my best friend."
"Really?" she smiled weakly as he squeezed her hand lightly.
"Yes."
She let out a sigh, rolled onto her side, and closed her eyes. She felt Kurama let go of her hand and flop down on the bed beside her. When she opened her eyes a few moments later, his pair was staring her down. She bit her lip as he seemed to peer right into her own soul.
"What brought all this on anyway?" he whispered just loud enough for her to hear.
She cut her gaze away from him; the corners of her mouth twitched into a small frown. "I was talking with Hiei earlier..."
"Alright," he said in a tone that urged her to continue.
"And he's made me realize that... it's my fault that my life is like this. I've been such a selfish coward."
"That's---"
"It is true, Kurama," she said. "I've always run from my problems, and I've never faced them head-on. I just let it eat away at me until I can't handle it anymore. And you're the one who puts me back together. It's not right, and it's not healthy. And I know that you and everyone else care for me. It's not fair that I make everyone walk on eggshells around me and make you all worry. So... I'm going to change."
"Change?"
"I'm not going to put you through this anymore. I'm not going to be a coward anymore. I'm going to face my problems head on from now on."
Mika watched as Kurama's lips puckered into a thoughtful smile. His eyes brightened in excitement and what seemed to be pride. He reached over and ruffled her hair, a grin plastered on his face.
"That's great, Mika."
She smiled back at him. "Thanks," she whispered softly before she closed her eyes, just enjoying the feeling of Kurama's hand running through her hair. She laid there for a few more moments before she sighed and sat up. "I should get going."
Kurama didn't move from his perch on the bed, and he let out a yawn. "Why?"
"I need to talk to Hiei."
He knew what it meant, and his eyes narrowed. "Be careful wherever you go."
"I will."
"Don't do anything dangerous."
"I won't," she grinned at him playfully as she opened the door, "Don't be such a worry wart."
"Good luck," he called out before she closed the door behind her.
She hurried into her room that was across the hall, and rushed to the desk. She rummaged through the drawers before she found a pen, a sheet of paper, and an envelope. She plopped down the wooden chair, and leaned her face against her fist. Her deep eyes wandered around the room as she thought of exactly what to write. When she was finished fifteen minutes later, she bit her lip as she folded it and tucked it into the waiting envelope. With a sigh, she ran her fingers through her bangs and looked out the window.
It was going to get dark soon, and if she wanted to do this---she would have to leave now. She went to her closet, grabbed a sweater, and flipped off the lights to her room before she stomped down the stairs to the living room.
Yusuke and Kuwabara weren't in the living room, but she could hear their voices chattering in the kitchen. Her eyes flew straight to the window where she knew Hiei would be sitting. His eyes were closed, and he didn't even bother to look at her when she approached him.
She opened her mouth hesitantly to speak, "H-Hiei?"
Hiei opened his eyes slowly, and turned his blood red gaze onto her. A ghost of a smirk appeared on his face as he watched her squirm under his glare. "What?"
"I... I'm ready."
He perked a brow, and glanced up at her incredulously. "And what makes you think that I'm going to help you?"
She clenched her fists, crumpling the corner of the envelope she was holding. She held Hiei's gaze before she turned away and headed for the door. "Fine, I'll do it myself. I'm not sure exactly where it is; but it'll only take a few days for me to walk. Hopefully I won't get lost, or kidnapped, or eaten by wild animals."
He smirked at her response and watched as she headed for the door. He could hear her open the front door and slam it shut. He shook his head as he listened for the soft footsteps outside that indicated that she was really leaving, but they never came.
"I know you're still here," he called out, his smirk growing wider as he saw her peek around the corner. "I can see you."
She stepped out from her hiding spot and frowned like a child. She crossed her arms over her chest and let out a huff. "C'mon, Hiei. You're really not going to make me walk are you?"
He couldn't help the grin that spread across his face as he stood up and crossed the room toward her. Maybe this human girl wasn't so bad after all.
"I was planning on it," he said as they swept out the front door. "But I've changed my mind."
~.~.~.~.~
"Is this the place?"
Mika and Hiei were crouching down in the tall grass beside a small slightly depilated house. Mika eyes scanned her old house, the corners of her mouth turning down as she remembered the hell hole of a place. The pastel blue paint was peeling off the exterior walls of the house. The white shutters and shingles were now a dirty off-white color. The screen on one window was torn, but the pane was still in tact. Glass---most likely shattered beer bottles--- littered the small driveway.
She didn't see a car in the driveway and none of the lights were on in the house.
"Yes," she responded quietly as she slowly rose into a standing position. She scratched her arm, the long grass scratching her sensitive skin, and she stepped forward towards the house.
"Let's make this quick," Hiei said as he followed her out of the untamed lawn and down the path that led towards the front door of the house.
She nodded in agreement, quickening her pace, as she reached into her pocket and withdrew the envelope. She chewed on the bottom her lip as her eyes darted around nervously. Her heart was drumming inside her chest so hard that she was almost certain that Hiei could hear it. She was beginning to feel a flash of heat rise up her body, and she knew that she was going to break out into a nervous sweat any moment now.
Where should she leave the letter she wondered as she stood in front of the door. Under the doormat? Or should she slide in the crack of the door so that they'd definitely see it? Or should stick it in the mailbox? But then again--- what if her parents didn't live here anymore? What if they had moved? What if they had died instead?
Mika bit down on her tongue, and she forced away the slight vindictive grin that was about spread across her lips. A rush of emotions hit her like a rough ocean surf--- she felt ashamed for thinking such an awful thing; but then again, she felt that they deserved it.
"Are you just going to stand there?" Hiei growled, snapping Mika out of her thoughts.
She frowned at him as reached out and grabbed a hold of doorknob. She pushed the door open, half-expecting it to be locked. When the door creaked open, she shrugged. Her mother and father could never remember where the keys were. And besides, it's not like anyone would want to steal from them. Everything in the house was trash anyway.
She flipped on the light beside the door, and as she made her way down the hall to the main room, she could feel all the old memories rushing at her. She glanced at the old worn couch; she could see liquor stains all over it. She could see the red wine stain that her mom had beaten her over.
There was that same table that she had scratched her leg on while she had been running from her mom. She trailed her trembling fingers over the wall until she stopped at a hole. She fingered the rough edges of it; it was the same hole that her father had punched in the wall during one of her parents heated arguments.
Hiei scrunched his nose up in disgust at his surroundings, but he remained silent as he followed her into what seemed to be a kitchen.
Mika spotted a dingy looking refrigerator and considered it for a moment. She could see the emotions flitting across her face as she scrunched up her angular face. She walked towards it and yanked it open, and whatever she saw must've angered her because she let out a dry laugh. She reached up and pulled something from off one of the shelves. Hiei quirked an eyebrow at her as she placed the bottle of vodka on the table before she turned to walk to a cabinet.
"Do you want some?"
"What?"
She turned and gave Hiei a long stare as she pulled down two glasses, "I never thought coming back here would make me so... I need just one shot to unwind and I'll be fine."
Hiei shrugged and watched as she filled their cups to the halfway mark before pouring a tiny bit more in for good measure. He snatched his glass up and downed the liquor quickly, the drink burning down his esophagus. Mika did the same, and she slammed the glass down on the table before she wiped her lips off with her sleeve.
"God," she sighed as she closed her eyes and leaned against the island, "I'm just like him."
Hiei was reaching for the bottle of vodka again when Mika snatched it away. His lips poked out in a slightly irritated pout and he watched as she turned the bottle in her hands, her eyes glazed over and distant.
This bottle is the reason why my life's so fucked up, she couldn't help but think as she stared at the green bottle in her hands. She gritted her teeth, and now I'm drinking from the same thing that's caused me so much pain. Pathetic.
She hadn't even realized what she was doing until she had already done it. Glass shattered and sailed across the tile floor like scattering drops of rain. Cold vodka splashed the bottom on her jeans and bits of glass found itself between her toes. She walked across the broken glass in her flip-flops towards the refrigerator. She smirked before she began to knock things over. Glass rained down on her feet, and a cocktail of different alcoholic drinks pooled into the bottom of the fridge, the floor, and over onto her clothes.
Hiei watched with a slight smirk as she slammed the fridge door closed violently causing it to sway from side to side. At least she wasn't crying. Whoever said violence wasn't the answer to their problems was so wrong. He watched as she went the cabinets and began to toss dishes everywhere. He almost wanted to get up and join her in the destruction, but he stayed where he was.
Mika remained eerily silent and tuned out the sounds of shattering glass. She only focused on destroying as much of the kitchen she could, imagining the each glass was her parents faces. She only stopped when she had destroyed all the plates except for her grandmother's favorite china.
She considered a tiny teacup, and weighed it in her palm. This was the same exact cup she used to drink out of whenever her grandmother came over to take care of her. Her grandmother would bring over jewelry and hats and they'd dress up and pretend to be wealthy sophisticated women while they snacked on gingersnap cookies and herbal tea. They would talk with British accents and they would wipe their mouth after each sip and bite. She remembered how much fun they had, how much laughter they had shared, and how loved she felt.
"I love you so much, Mika. I wish I could get you out of here and away from your parents..."
Mika could feel the corners of her mouth tugging into a tiny smile, and she felt the familiar sting of tears in her eyes. She blinked to clear the tears as she cradled the teacup in her palm.
No crying, she decided before she reached up into the cabinet and plucked up the other matching teacup. She would smile from now on when she thought of her grandmother and be thankful for the time they had.
"I'm ready to go now," she said as she turned to Hiei, "I'm done."
The fire demon nodded his head, and he followed her out of the mess of a kitchen and into the living room. She reached into her pocket, careful not to drop the teacups, and dropped the letter onto the low table in front of the sofa. Without looking back, she marched towards the front of the house as quickly as she could. Hiei flicked off the light after her and slammed the shut closed behind him.
"Are you alright?" he questioned when he saw her tense up a bit.
She turned to look at him and let out a loud breath. "I feel... I feel like a huge weight has just been lifted off my shoulders. Now, I actually feel like I can just---I dunno, breathe."
He smirked and watched as she smiled hugely. But a slight roaring noise caught his attention, and he reached out and grabbed onto her arm. He yanked her into the shadows that were beginning to slither across the yard, and they ducked in the tall grass just as a rickety old car pulled into the driveway.
Mika's breath caught in her throat beside Hiei. She sat down the teacups in the dirt, and she pushed the grass out of her face so she could see what was happening. She could hear a slight grumbling fill her ears and she watched in utter shock as woman scrambled to get out of the car. A cigarette hung from between her lips as she slammed the door behind her.
"Mom," Mika whispered silently.
Mika's mother leaned against the hood of the car. Her sharp eyes stared out into the distance as she took long drags from the roll between her lips. Her damaged hair hung around her face in an unflattering lopsided bob, and the corners of her mouth were turned down in a permanent frown. Bruises dotted her arms which were folded across her chest. Hiei stared at the woman before he turned to look at Mika. He could definitely see the resemblance. They were both pretty in an odd sort of way with similar angular features and long limbs.
"Fuck it," the woman muttered before she dropped the cigarette to the ground and ground it out with the toe of her worn boot. She reached into her pocket and withdrew a key and strolled to the front door.
"Let's go," Hiei said when the woman disappeared into the house.
"No..." Mika whispered in response, "J-Just give me a minute more."
She could see the lights flipping on in the house, and could see her mother through the window. She watched as the woman dumped her bag onto the couch and headed into the kitchen. When she heard a scream, Mika knew that her mom had found the mess she had left in her wild fit of rage. She could hear a commotion in the kitchen, and Mika watched as her mother ran out of the kitchen with a small pistol in hand.
"Who's here?" the woman called out as she cautiously eyed her surroundings. She disappeared down the hall and out of Mika's sight. She returned to the main room a few minutes later, having found no one. With a sigh, the woman dropped down onto the couch and tossed the gun nonchalantly into the corner of the room.
Mika's heart jumped when she saw that her mother had caught sight of the letter she had left on the table. She watched as the woman picked up the slightly crumpled envelope and read who it was addressed to. Mika could see the confusion on her mother's face as she tore open the envelope and withdrew a single piece of lined paper.
"Dear Mother and Father,"
"Okay, we can go now." Mika stood up and brushed her hands over her jeans in an effort to dust some of the dirt off her. "I just wanted to make sure she got the letter."
Hiei nodded and stood up as well. He took a good look at his surroundings and glanced inside the house to make sure that the woman was not looking. "I will call Botan to open a portal."
Mika nodded before she turned her attention back to the woman inside. Hiei withdrew his communicator and immediately began to bark out as soon as a bubbly voice answered on the other side.
I find it hard to believe that you could ever forget who I am. But then again, I can believe it too. It's me---Mika.
Y'know, your daughter?
You guys have probably already torn this letter up. Or thrown it in the fire. Or maybe now you're using it as a coaster for your beer. Maybe you haven't even gotten it.
But maybe there's a chance that you're actually reading this letter?
"Are you ready to go?"
Mika turned to see Hiei watching her carefully, his blood red eyes slightly glowing in the dark. She kneeled down and retrieved the two teacups from the ground and placed them in his hands.
"I'm going to stay longer," she said, "Could you put these in my room? Please be careful with them... they're important to me."
His brow quirked as he looked at the cups in his hands before he grunted, "Whatever."
"Thank you, Hiei," she called out quietly before he spun on the heel of his boot and disappeared into the shimmering depths. She turned her attention back to her mother.
I just wanted to fill you in on what's happened since I left home. I'm sure that you both probably don't even care. But, maybe---just maybe somewhere deep down, you do care. It sounds so stupid, but... there's always a chance right? I'm such a spiteful bitch; I want everything that you read in this letter to hurt you. I hope it pierces your heart like a knife and stings like a spider bite. After all, it's only a small price to pay in comparison to what I've endured.
I left home when I was 13. I wandered around for a while before I found a cottage in the forest. I lived there for two years. Everyday I scavenged for roots and berries that were edible to eat. I even hunted and ate a bird. I got sick a lot. And night was the scariest time because anything can happen out in the forest.
When I turned 15, I went into the nearby town to get a job. I was finally old enough and, I actually snuck home while you both were gone at work to get my birth certificate and identification. It took me a long time to find the house, but I managed. Roots and berries just weren't doing it. And I needed clothes and shoes, so I took up a job as a seamstress in a nearby town.
At 16, I became pregnant. I was raped by a man who worked with me. It happened a lot, so, it's not surprising that I became pregnant. Actually, I didn't even realize I was pregnant until I was being rushed into the hospital. Right then, I knew how you felt when you had me Mom. I thought that this child was a monster from Hell, sent straight from Satan to me. But, I came around to the idea of a kid. I thought that maybe---just maybe, I could actually have that family I so deeply yearned for.
Mika watched in surprise but with a tinge of glee as a single tear rolled down her mother's cheeks. The woman reached up and rubbed her red eyes.
I promised myself I'd be nothing like you, Mom. I'd love and cherish that baby forever. We'd be happy in our own little bubble away from the evil of the world. I'd protect her from harm. I'd protect her from those mean children at the daycare. She'd never feel pain. I would never let anything hurt her. She'd never have to go through what I experienced. I named her Yuri after Grandma. But... she died. My baby died hours after I gave birth. I never even got to hold her. Not even once.
When I was 17, I met who I thought was the love of my life. I thought that he was going to be the one to finally help me forget all the pain that I felt. He was the one who was there when no one cared. He was kind, handsome, and brave. He treated me as if I were the most precious thing on earth. We were planning on getting married when we both turned 18. But, HA! Turns out he was an asshole. He was cheating on me, and I found out.
That happened in early April.
And now it's...what? Late June?
Hmmm... it seems like all of that happened so long ago. But it's only been three months. I guess that means that I've been having a lot of fun. But now that I think about it... I guess it's because a lot of things have changed. I've met this guy, and he's amazing. He's my best friend, and he took me in. I live with him and three of his good friends, and we live in the suburbs surrounding Tokyo. I can't put into words how happy I've been and how much fun I'm having. I can't remember a time where I've smiled as much. I've never had so many friends. I've never felt so loved.
I met his Mom, Ma. And let's just say that she's nothing like you. I hope that hurt. She's not even my own mother, but I feel like she was more of a mom to me than you ever could be.
The woman inside the house let out a loud sob, and Mika couldn't help but smile slightly. She felt awful hoping that she hurt her mother's feelings. But it was only fair, wasn't it? After all the pain that her parents caused her; why shouldn't she be allowed to return the favor?
I don't really know what to say to the both of you. I don't even really know what I want to say to you all. What can I even say that's strong enough to explain how I feel?
I feel... sad. And angry. And hurt. And worthless. And guilty.
Mom and Dad, honestly, how hard was it to love me? How hard was it to at least pretend that you cared about me? Was it really that hard to tell me when I did something right? Is it too much to want you all to be proud of me? Or hug me? Kiss me? Read me bedtime stories? Tell me how much you loved me? I would've preferred a lie instead of the truth.
Or instead of making such a pain for all of us, why didn't you simply put me up for adoption? After all, you didn't want me in the first place. We'd all would've been better off.
Mika watched as her mother's eyes widened slightly. The woman's hands were shaking violently as she clutched the paper so hard that the corners ripped slightly.
Dad: I hope you drink yourself straight to Hell. Maybe then you'll realize what a pig and selfish man you've been.
Mom: You said that I ruined your marriage. You told me that when I was born that Dad started to stray. Why don't you be honest with yourself? Dad probably was already cheating on you before I was born. My birth only gave him a valid reason to use against you. If he had really loved you, he would've stuck by your side no matter what. He's using you, Mom. He turned you against your own daughter.
You want to know how I know that? Because I went through the same shit you did. Men are pigs. But you know what? I'm lucky enough to have found three, actually four, guys who take care of me and love me like a sister. These guys are my best friends. And one of them has shown me how a man is supposed to treat a woman---the right way.
I hope that maybe one day you get the same opportunity as I have. Everyone deserves someone who treats them right.
Mika wore a grim smile on her face before she had decided that she had seen enough. She turned and began to head towards the portal.
Well... I'm done, but how do I end this letter?
I can't say "See you soon," because this will be the only and last time you hear from me.
I can't say "Take care," because I could care less about you then same way you all could care less about me.
And I won't say "I love you," because that'd be a lie.
So... I guess I'll just settle on this, and try to make one good more stab at your heart.
Goodbye, and thanks for nothing.
-Your daughter, Mika (who by the way meant absolutely nothing to you.)
Mika had just put one foot in the portal when she heard a loud commotion. She whipped her head around and saw her mother burst through the front door. The woman took the steps on the porch two-by-two and stood in the driveway, her head swishing side to side as she searched aimlessly in the dark.
"Mika!" she screamed. "Mika!"
Puzzled, Mika put her other foot in the portal in case she needed to make a quick getaway. But she listened.
"Please!" her mother called out into the night, "I'm sorry! Please come home. I promise---"
Mika watched in shock as the woman fell to her knees in the heap of shattered glass. She put her face in her hands and was sobbing heavily, "I know I'm a bad mother. I know! I'm sick! I'm messed up in the head! But, please come home! Please! I've always wanted you!"
Mika shook her head in confusion. She didn't understand--- the pain in her mother's voice was real, the tears were all real, everything was real. But how could what she was saying be true?
"I'm getting help! I swear I'll get help! I won't smoke; I won't drink; I'll throw out all the drugs!" the woman called out, "Please just come home! We'll leave! I'll leave him for you! And I'll be the best mother you ever could want! I swear to you--- I'll love you, and you'll love me. And we will be a family!"
Mika could feel her heart flutter uncertainly. She turned and looked at her mother once more as tears welled up in her eyes. She pressed her hand to her mouth to stifle the sob that threatened to break free from her throat. This was everything that she ever wanted since she was a little girl. She had been waiting to hear this for more than half of her life.
"I love you, Mika! I still have all the pictures... I look at them everyday. First thing in the morning and last thing at night. I want... I need you to come home!"
Mika couldn't help it. The tears broke loose and rolled down her cheeks. Her knees shook beneath her, and she thought she was going to collapse.
"Please! Please, Mika! If you can hear me---please say something! Anything!"
Mika opened her mouth to speak, but she closed her mouth once more. She watched her mother sobbing in a heap on the ground, and she closed her eyes. She saw all the pain. All the sadness. All the hurt. All the guilt. All the anger. She could see all those feelings coursing through her mother's body.
"Mom," she called out softly.
The woman instantly perked up. Her eyes going wide as she sat up and whipped her head in the direction she heard the voice. "M-Mika? Is that you?"
Mika stayed in the shadows, and she watched as her mom slowly stood up. She could see the blood running down the woman's legs from kneeling in glass. She opened her mouth to respond.
"Yes, it's me." When the woman let a sound of utter joy escape her lips, and Mika could help but feel a twinge of guilt at what she was about to do. She opened her mouth to continue, "Mom, you don't know how long I've waited to hear those words. But... I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?" the woman said, "It's not your fault. Where are you? Come with me, a-and I'll... I'll make us dinner! Yes, dinner! That's what moms do, right? And we can talk about it, and w-we'll leave tonight and---"
"Mom, I'm not staying."
The woman stopped right in her tracks. Her steel gray eyes widened, and her mouth snapped shut.
"I can't stay, Mom. My friends... they're waiting."
"B-But..." her mother blubbered, "I-I know what happened between us has ruined everything, but if you'll only give me a chance---"
"No. I... I'm not going to let you pull me back into this cycle..." she said softly, "I don't want to be pulled back into all this pain and hurt. I'm getting better, and now it's your turn to heal yourself."
"I'll get help!"
"That's good. But right now, we need to heal separately. And then... maybe... maybe one day we can see each other again."
"No! Mika, please!"
"I'm Sorry, Mom," she whispered as she took the final step into the portal, "Good luck, Mom. I hope that you get better soon. Maybe I'll see you around."
"Wait!" the woman yelled, "Promise to come back one day! When you do, I'll be better!"
Mika considered it in her head, and her lips twisted into a ghost of a smile as she felt the portal engulf her. She looked at her mother who was glancing into the shadows, a hopeful look on her face.
"I promise!" she called out before she disappeared into the shimmering depths.
~.~.~.~.~
I'm not going to let you get away so easily, my dear.
I'm going to use everything I can against you.
I will have my battle.
I will have my fight.
And not even you can stop me.
You'll tire of fighting.
And you'll join me soon enough.
Mika shot up in bed, her eyes wide with fear. She slapped her hand over her chest and took in deep shallow breaths in an attempt to slow her pounding heart. She glanced around her room in fear before she let out a sigh of relief.
She must've fallen asleep on the couch, and someone had put her in bed. When she had returned from her visit to her mother's house, she had been spent--- both emotionally and physically. Everyone kept telling her to go to bed, but she had insisted on watching a movie with them all in hopes of keeping her mind of the events that had occurred earlier.
She glanced at the clock. It was 3:43 AM. She let out a sigh as she flopped back down on the bed and squeezed her eyes shut tight. Everyone would be asleep by now.
She laid there for fifteen minutes, tossing and turning in an attempt to get comfortable even to hopefully fall asleep. She tried desperately to keep the threatening flood of unwanted thoughts at bay, but she failed miserably. Her mind jumped from one thing to the next---the strange face she keeps seeing in her dreams, her mother, her past, her future, her friends... It raced through her mind so quickly that she felt lightheaded and dizzy.
With a soft sigh, she grabbed her pillow and rolled out of bed. Her feet touched the chilled wood floor, and she began to pace back and forth hoping to blow off some steam. Closing her eyes, she tried to clear her mind.
She could feel the cool smooth floor beneath her feet. She feel the soft fabric of her pajama pants brushing across her ankles. She could see her shadow dancing across the wall in the pale light of the moon. She could hear the gentle snores coming from the room beside her and the obnoxious chirping of the crickets outside her window. She could taste the sweat that had beaded on her face. She could smell the scent of clean linen wafting from the air freshener in the corner.
But this still couldn't push the thoughts out of her head. She could feel her eyes stinging from tears of frustration. She was just so exhausted, and she so desperately wanted to sleep but she couldn't. She took in a deep breath, and before she knew what she was doing she was already pushing the door to her room open and making her way across the hall.
She bit her bottom lip and paused outside Kurama's room. She pressed her ear to the door and listened closely. She could hear deep breathing, and she knew that he was asleep. Her heart pounded in her chest quickly as she carefully pushed his door open. She hesitantly took a few steps into his bedroom, and she squeezed her pillow tightly to her chest. She stood there silently, not really knowing what to do. It was rude to wake him; but, she desperately wanted to be near him. Her shoulders fell and her heart felt heavy as she turned back around to leave. But she froze mid-step when she heard the rustle of bed sheets and a sleepy voice calling out to her.
"Mika?"
She bit her lip and turned to look at Kurama. His eyes were bleary with sleep and his hair stuck up messily.
"What's wrong?" he questioned in a soft voice, and she shifted her weight from foot to foot as she searched for the right words.
"C-Can I...? I-I mean, I can't sleep and... I-I don't want to be---"
A lopsided smile stretched across Kurama's lips. He let out a raspy laugh and scooted over to make room for her. She felt the blood rush to her cheeks as he patted the space beside him. She squeezed the pillow closer to her chest.
"I don't bite..." he said softly in an attempt to coax her forward."Much."
Mika could feel her lips stretching into a smile at his joke and felt all her nervousness and fear wash away. She made her way to the bed and slide beneath the sheets. Kurama just smiled sincerely at her as he shifted so that he was facing her. She scooted closer to him but made sure that she was far away enough so that it wasn't awkward.
"Thank you," she whispered softly.
He smiled at her and reached out a hand to ruffle her hair, "Anytime."
She took a deep breath and let it out, feeling all her anxiousness and frustrations melt away with it. Being around Kurama a piece of peace. It was like lying on the beach or watching the stars. All of her problems seemed to go away, and she was finally able to clear her mind. Calm wash over her and the blissful state of content wrap around her like a warm blanket.
She opened her eyes and could see that Kurama had already seemed to doze off.
"Kurama?" she whispered softly.
"Hmm?"
"You're my best friend."
He opened his eyes once more and stared straight at her. He held her gaze for a few moments before his lips curled up into a truly joyful smile. "You're my best friend too."
She continued, "And best friends can tell each other anything, right?"
"Yes."
"Can I ask you something?"
He laughed at her childishness and flicked her nose. "Of course."
"We'll always be friends forever and ever, right?"
"Of course!"
"No matter what, right?" she pressed, her eyes wide, "Promise me?"
Kurama smiled at the young woman that he had grown so attached to. He had never felt so undeniably... happy around anyone before. Whenever he was with Mika, he couldn't help but let loose and be silly. He could help but lower his defenses and smile. He couldn't help but care about her. He always wanted her to be around, and he always wanted to be there for her.
He reached out a pinched her nose gently and tweaked it, causing her to laugh softly and swat his hand away.
"I promise that we will be best friends... forever."