Standard Disclaimer applies.

A/N: Sorry for the l-o-n-g wait. I am flattered by the 500 reviews. Happy Holidays, everyone!

Hatori's Remedy presents:

Chapter 53: Ashes, Ashes

Tohru and Hatori sat across from each other at the dining table. The dishes tasted very good, maybe because of the fact that they had labored over it, or because they were sitting with someone they loved (or maybe both reasons).

"There is enough food to last the rest of the week." Hatori said, dipping his chopsticks into his soup. It was rare for him to have such an appetite. (He definitely agreed that in company, food tasted 100 times better.) He lifted a spool of noodles skillfully, like a fisherman reeling in a fish. It was warm and flavorful in his mouth. The house was drafty, but his cheeks were red with warmth and jubilance. He even slowed down his chewing to extract every taste and texture. It was something that they had created together.

Like a baby.

A baby.

That word. So innocent and gentle and touching, yet so disturbing and unthinkable and intangible. He couldn't do it. He couldn't provide a good life for a child. He would be this hovering presence, broken and restless. Would he be able to love it enough – little boy or girl? Would the curse be passed on? Or was it recessive? Would his own father not being around for him affect his child's life? Would the child be resentful of the curse? It already took him so much effort to cast aside the nagging thoughts of Akito finding out about his relationship with Tohru. What would happen if Akito found out about a baby? Would they be banished? Or would Akito raise him in a caged life – unable to make "normal" friends?

Well, being banished didn't bother him, he was already an outcast. But to have to leave a place Tohru was so familiar with? She might lose her radiance. Just like when a plant is taken from grounds it has thrived on for years, and plotted in a new place; it takes time to reach heights.

And many never do. They wither.

And to think more deeply and seriously into the situation, Akito was his God, and no matter how much he wanted to get away from his former life, he couldn't. These ties bound him to her, for eternity.

---

They would have to leave Japan.

Akito would do anything possible to hurt the baby. Because the baby wouldn't be in her control, and that was what she needed the most. She was a girl who had had her childhood stolen from her at a very young age, given her obligation. It was tragic. But she did not go out of her way to improve her conditions. Her own pain and swelled to engulf everyone around her. She could not let them lead happy, simple lives.

Because she couldn't.

"Whoo-hoo?" Tohru said in a sing-songy voice. "What are you thinking about? The expression on your face isn't too pleasant."

"Nothing."

"Sure?"

He nodded mindlessly, not looking into her eyes.

"Hey, when I get better, do you want to visit your parents?"

She said it as though they were alive.

Stunned, he did not respond.

"We can spend the afternoon in the countryside, hiking and picnicking."

His parents were something he tried to push aside. During the day, he managed to pretend they had never existed. But at nights, he twisted and turned, thinking about the short lives they lived. His father, filled with revulsion because he had been given the job of the memory eraser. His mother, too weak to ever stand up to his father's verbal abuse and negligence. But that love letter he had found, it made him let go of those long-embedded memories. His father had been passionate. He had ambition.

Maybe it was time to give his past a chance to reinvent itself. First, by visiting a representation of his pain.

"I will pick you up this Sunday."

---

By Sunday, Tohru was well again, thanks to Hatori. He had healed her with his abiding love and patience. Hatori picked her up at the bus station at the forest's edge. She had two bouquets of handpicked flowers.

---

Standing in front of the headstone, Hatori's eyes blurred. He dropped down to his knees and ran a finger over the engraved name. His father.

"Dad…" He croaked. She knelt down beside him, quite and unassuming. She gave him the space to tell with all the demons. Let them free.

Hatori didn't think he could keep the emotion in anymore. He grabbed a hold of the headstone and put his forehead against it. "You left me here alone. You didn't show me how to carry on. That was so unfair, to leave me with this pain and cursed ability without any instruction. I hated you, but I'm starting to understand. We are the same creature, but I promise to do the things you didn't get a chance to. You life ended too soon. Maybe you would have changed. I think you could… " He was alone. He was drowning.

But he felt arms under his, pulling him to the surface. He smelled sweet lavender, and he wasn't sinking in hurt and guilt. He felt relieved. At peace.

Tohru's head was on his shoulder, and he felt a soothing hand move in circles on his back. "I'm proud of you." He heard a hiccup.

He pulled back. "Are you crying?"

"Yes. But they are tears of joy."

She gave him a bouquet. She placed one on Hatori's mom's grave. He placed one on his father's. They were fresh-cut and yellow.

---

A month later.

"Thank you for helping me get ready for prom. It's funny that I had you instead of the girls."

Hatori gave her a frown. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. I think you are adorable. Thank you for helping me, Ha'ri."

"I will miss you." I don't like the fact that you will be dancing with another guy, chest to chest, heart to heard, centimeters away from each other.

"Don't." The simple white dress, that he had picked out, swirling around her ankles. "Look the door behind you. Wait about an hour before you leave. Shigure will be gone by then. He hangs out with his buddies on Friday nights. I'm really sorry you have to hang around, I mean I don't want you trying to climb out the window; it is very dangerous, Kyo tried to get into his room one night, and even with his cat-like reflexes, couldn't grip the siding."

Hatori nodded. "I'm alright here."

She gave him a swift kiss on his shaved cheek before she turned on her heel.

"I hope these heels don't kill me before the end of the night," she said. The door shut with a notion of finality. It felt awfully quiet in her bedroom. He checked the clock on his desk. It was only six. He had offered to take her to the hotel, but she said that Kyo had offered to pick her up at the house; it was tradition, she said.

This was one of the few times he had seen her room. It was a no-frills room, but with enough decor to show Tohru's radiant personality. There was the western bed Shigure had proudly bought her when she moved in. There was a neatly folded daisy-patterned comforter at the foot of the bed. There was a plain oak desk against the wall with a chair. Notebooks and papers were neatly stacked. There were also two bookcases against another wall. The top shelf contained a collection of glass zodiac animals, as well as origami animals. He picked up to blue seahorse, admiring the crisp folds, and her lingering touch. The room had a large window; he could envision Tohru standing there, looking at the forest, the rain, the sunset. Her mirrored-sliding door closet reflected him. He frowned. He did not like mirrors. He hated seeing himself, hunched and sad-looking. He looked so... foreign in Tohru's room; too old against the painfully modern, youthful decoration. He wanted to open drawers and look through her personal affections, but didn't. It wasn't right to flip through photo albums without the owner's consent. He limited himself to looking at things that were in the bookshelf, outside, in the open.

He bent down to look at the small trinkets scattered across the second shelf. He smiled, seeing that she collected a multitude of things - seashells, old stamps. At the back, there was a rule of colorful square origami papers. He smiled, thinking that he would create something to add to the zodiac collection she had made. He took a green-colored piece of paper. It was a long time since he did anything that fell under the 'arts and crafts' category. The closest was sticking labels onto manila folders. Without instructions, he could not create a rhinoceros or an angel, but he remembered how to fold a crane. He sat down at the small desk and started. On the first try, he messed up. He went to the bookshelf to retrieve another piece of paper. He tried to reach for a vanilla-colored piece, when the small envelope collapsed. Behind it, wrapped in cellophane was the circular picture frame they had bought together. The twisty-tie looked worn, meaning that it was untwisted often. He smiled. It said 'Horse.' He remembered that night, when she had said 'yes' to becoming his girlfriend. There had been no hesitation, no worry. He had been so elated, his heart soared. Inside the picture frame were the two of them; a red trident near her shoulder, an angel's halo to the side his head. He had remembered they had fumbled in the booth, and before they could strike a pose, the machine had snagged a picture. It had been his favorite, because it was so natural, so carefree. He looked at it frequently in his office, his fingerprints all over the glossy film.

He returned to his duty, folding a crane. After five minutes, he folded the 'head' part down. His magnum opus. He sighed. It looked half-decent. The lines were not as linear as hers, the corners not as sharp, but the features were perfectly distinguishable. He deflated the bird's small body to write a message on the bottom of the wing.

I love you with all my heart. He hesitated to sign his name, knowing that if anyone found out...

--

Tohru walked into the ballroom of the hotel. The decoration committee's efforts had paid off. It looked like a little sanctuary in the meadows; neat paper laterns spread across a lattice intimately above guest's heads.

Kyo had picked her up in a limo. Yuki and his date, Arisa alone, Saki and a boy from another school. Tohru was excited, with butterflies in her stomach.

The night carried on without any snags. Kyo was the perfect gentleman, grabbing her a glass of grape juice, even picking a flower from the courtyard and putting it in her hair. After dancing until their feet hurt, Tohru and Kyo went to look at the koi fish outside. "Which one is your favorite?" She asked.

"I like the albino one. It only has that single orange dot near its tail."

They sat down on a wood bench.

--

Hatori went home. He unlocked the front door to find the room a mess. Lamps were thrown on the ground. The file cabinets were open with piles of paper on the ground. In his office chair sat a...

fuming Akito. She was holding a photograph.

The ones he and Tohru had took at the photobooth.

"You honestly thing you could get away this?"

He did not respond. It was going to end. Tonight. This profound love. But he wasn't going to give up that easily. He was going to give her a fight. Whatever she did, he could counter. He wasn't going to allow everything to fall apart. He loved her so dearly. And when you love someone...

Don't you feel ashamed, having this fling with this innocent girl? Scampering behind my back. Is it some kind of ill-fated game? You knew that eventually the Gods would tell me of this childish behavior, but I would expect it more from Shigure or Ayame. I will expect it to cut off immediately."

"And if it doesn't," Hatori snapped back.

"It will. We don't have to think about the nasty consequences of these lustful desires. I can come to forgive you, eventually."

"I love her."

He thought he saw a glimmer of emotion in her pale face, but maybe it was just an illusion.

"Fool. You actually believe in love, look at what happened to your parents. Their failed attempt should mean something to you. Look at Kana." He twitched. But his parents had been in love, once, but they had allowed it to wither. He wasn't. He was going to put in all the effort, all the love, all the sunshine.

She let out a dry laugh. "Don't be so naive. Do you need incentive to leave her?"

"No. I'm not."

He could lie and give up. Say that he would follow her instructions, but continue with Tohru, in more secret. But she would eventually find out, again, somehow. But if he would her straight up. Things could be different.

She was quiet, looking at a spot behind his shoulder. Her steady, piercing gaze, unnerving.

"That girl isn't safe now."

The words jabbed his chest. He let emotion flicker across his features. His eyes colder that before. His jaw set square. His shoulders locked. And she saw it all. She knew what could make him twitch.

"Yes, I'm going to hurt her. I will plan my physical attack. Of course it won't be a catfight or anything, you aren't worth that, but maybe some poision. But I'd rather much hurt her emotionally. She is to upbeat, so false. I want to tear that down. Show her true colors - black and blue. I want to see how much she feels about you. I'm going to test her. To see how much she's willing to sacrifice for the illusion of being with you. Will she give up an arm and leg? Maybe I'll threaten her. Tell her that I'm going to harm you, unless she gives up. All the possibilities. --"

"Stop."

"What? You dare command me?" She stood up. She was shorter than he, but a much stronger presence. She picked up the photo and tore it up in his face. "It's over when I say so."

Hatori grabbed her wrist to stop her. "Stop."

"Why should I stop. I'm telling you to stop, but you're not listening. I'm protecting you. I thought you were a man of strong morals, how could you? That disgusting piece of --" He pulled both of her arms to her side and pinned that to her body, tight. "Why?" He asked, looking straight into her black eyes.

"You tell me why? Give me a good, solid reason and I'll consider. And don't tell me love. Because that it so beyond you. Is it for sex? Don't tell me that either."

"She was made for me. She understands me. She sees past my flaws, my uselessness. She's proven to me that I am important. She's given me hope to live. She's made me laugh, I haven't laughed since college. I dream about her when I'm not with her, and when I'm with her, I don't want to leave. I care for her in a way more than just a physical attraction. I need her to guide me. For all these years, I have wanted to die. There is no one to tell my pain, because I feel like I'm burdening them. She when I tell her, she takes it, twists it into something good, and give it back to me. I hated my father for so long. But she showed me that life can not be a proliferation of pain and constant ache."

Charity case, Akito thought.

She look the mug that held pens and pencils.

She forcefully smashed it on the floor.

"Listen to me. Leave her alone. Get away from her. You are a Sohma! You can't be with her! I can't let it all fall apart because of that one girl! I shouldn't have even let her live in Shigure's house. I don't know what possessed me to do that, but it was foolish, and now I have to in put more effort to stop its vile effects!"

"Do you need another reminder of last time. This time, you might lose the full ability of one of your senses. Do you want that? For her. Do you think she's worth it? Do you think that she'll stick by your side, even as you grow old and blind? She is an outsider. She is young! She won't stick up with you. You're worthless. You can't give her a normal child. You can't be a father. What purpose do you serve in her life? A sick father figure at the least. You are a game that she plays. She the savior, you the poor, frail, needy peasant. It'll be over. It started in a flurry, it will end with a swift cut, like a blade through silk. Silk, that was the substance of your relationship. Nonexistent, a dream, and it's going to be gone when you snap out of it. This will show her to stay away." Akito scrapped the glass picture frame off the cocktail table and threw it at the wall above his head with all her force. Right above his head.

"When your a scarred, disfigured beast, she won't want you." It hit him before he could duck. The blinding pain of cold sharp shards breaking his skin. He just stood there, broken. Unmoving.

"If you think that's bad. Think about the things I will do to her. You won't be able to protect her, the weak, useless being." And with that, she left.

Ashes, ashes. We all fall down.

---

I let you down, where his final words before all the mixed emotions - want (for her), hate (for himself), angst (that it was all broken) led him kneel in the broken glass and cry.

This time, you won't be able to forgive me. I gave you up. There is nothing worse than that. I faltered.

---

A/N: This chapter was originally going to be 2 parts, but I wanted you to have it all. Pain, Joy, Pain.

Also, my plan for the next chapter(s). What kind of ending do you want? Tell me happy, angsty, cliffy, or "you decide."

Anyone going anywhere special for the holidays? Be safe! (Oh, did anyone see the movie Twilight? I loved it. Beautiful. I'd love to hear any opinions or anything!)