Unapologize

By: PricklySare

A/N: The response to this story is amazing and I'm trying to get back to each of you who've reviewed, but there are so many that I just can't find the time. :) But, that doesn't mean you need to stop! Seeing the reviews makes me happy, and lets me know I'm doing a good job.

As always, a shout out to the M's who give me encouragement, and are always just an IM or txt away to inspire me, and to Stayce for flushing out the 'ick' that'd I'd be embarrassed if anyone else saw. :)

Sare

Chapter 49: Steph Stands Her Ground

Steph's POV

After I'd shut the door on Tank's office yesterday, I'd forced myself to walk calmly to the elevator, and didn't let my emotions overtake me until I was firmly shut inside Ranger's seventh floor sanctuary. In my heart I knew he wasn't dead, but that didn't stop the painful ache in my chest that made it so hard to breathe. What if he was dead? What if I really wouldn't know? The thought of a world without Ranger seemed bleak, and empty. When the first tear slipped down my cheek I allowed myself to fall apart. Sliding down the door I let my body drop to the floor and curled into a ball, hoping the tears would cleanse my soul and help me to latch onto the belief that Ranger was alive and well.

When the tears were gone, I pulled myself together, washed my face, and changed into one of his shirts. I needed some down time, and I wasn't ready to be around the guys. The fact that they seemed ready to believe a piece of paper was too hard to wrap my head around. Sleep always made me feel better, so I climbed between the silken sheets and closed my eyes. My last thought was of him, as I drifted off to sleep.

I was pulled from a dream by the smell of French fries tickling my nose, and opened my eyes to a pair of beautiful green ones staring at me. "Morning, Beautiful."

"Les, I love you," I said, reaching for the fries. "What's with the cure?"

"Figured you could use it." I stared at him while I chewed, enjoying the salty, greasy tang of the fry as I swallowed.

"I'm okay, really. But, I appreciate it anyway."

"You sure? Yesterday was hard on everyone. It had to have been hardest on you, though."

I tried to lift an eyebrow and asked, "Really? Why would it have been harder on me than it was on anyone else?

"Because, you were in love with him."

"Because, I am in love with him. Present tense. Not past."

"Beautiful-" I held up my hand stopping him.

"No, Lester, you're not listening to me, or you're ignoring me. Either way, you're wrong. Ranger. Is. Not. Dead," I said, spacing each word out so that there was no mistake.

"We read the document, Steph. You read it. What more do you need? We don't want to believe it either, but it's there in black and white."

"Who are you, and why are you believing a piece of paper that could have come from anywhere?" I asked, my voice laced with anger.

He ran his hands over his face and said, "That's just it. It didn't come from just anywhere. It came from his handler. The person whose only job is to keep him safe. Don't you think we verified it with the company before we called you in? We didn't just blindly accept a piece of paper."

"I don't care what you did to verify it. I know he's still alive. Maybe his handler made a mistake, maybe there is something bigger going on, and the company is covering it up. Fuck, maybe they don't even know what's really going on, but I know your information is wrong." I was no longer eating the fries, and I pushed them away. The thought of food only made my stomach queasy. I didn't know how to get him to understand. I wasn't emotional, and I wasn't visiting the land of denial.

"Let me ask you something, Les, if you were on a mission and one of your men was captured and presumed dead, would you take that on face value, or would you search for the body? Ranger told me, as did you, that you never left a man behind. Dead or alive, you brought them home. Why would this be any different?" He dropped his head into his hands, covering his face and didn't speak. "Well, have you seen his body? Can you guarantee that he's really, truly, dead?"

When he looked up his eyes were hard and cold, and anger radiated from him. I knew it wasn't directed at me, but I still had to physically keep myself from flinching away. This was the deadly Lester, the man they called Mors Mortis. "No, I haven't seen his body, and you're right. This time shouldn't be any different." He stood up and headed for the door, but paused before he walked out. His voice was softer, and his eyes had lost some of their coldness when he asked, "You really believe he's still alive, Beautiful?"

Without hesitation, I said, "With every fiber of my being."

"Then we'll bring him home."

Once he'd walked out the door I looked at the bedside clock. Shit! I had to get ready for work. It was time to get the day started. I didn't know what I could do to help the guys, but I'd do whatever needed to be done in order to prove that Ranger was still among the living. Throwing on my uniform I pulled my hair back and headed down to work. The fifth floor was quiet when I stepped off the elevator, and I just shook my head. We needed to get Ranger back, the building just wasn't the same when the guys thought he was dead.

I walked directly to Tank's office and knocked on the door. "Enter."

"Hey, Tank," I said, walking in and sitting down in the chair across from him. He looked tired, and his eyes held a sadness that wasn't there before. That sadness shouldn't be there. "Have you talked to Lester since he woke me up?"

"A minute ago. He said we needed a meeting. I'm guessing you know what that's about?"

"I'm pretty sure I do."

He rubbed the top of his bald head and sighed. Tank never sighed. "How are you doing, Bombshell? You hanging in there?"

I smiled, "Apparently better than you are."

"I'm surprised you're down here, you didn't need to come in today. Everyone would have understood."

"Tank, trust me. If I for a moment thought that Ranger was truly dead, I'd be an absolute wreck."

"I understand that it hasn't sunk in yet," he started to say just as Lester and Bobby walked into the office.

Lester dropped a kiss on my head and claimed the chair beside me while Bobby leaned against the wall next to Tank's desk. "We've fucked up," Lester said without preamble. The office was completely silent as Bobby and Tank locked their eyes on his. I knew what was coming, so I just sat back and waited. If I had to make my case, I was more than ready to do that. "Ranger's alive."

"How do you know?" Tank asked.

"We haven't seen his body, and until we do, he's still alive."

"According to his handler, he's dead. We verified the information, Les," Bobby added.

"Yeah, we verified it with a bunch of bureaucratic asswipes who would lie to their own mothers if it got the job done. When has that ever been enough for us? Why should it be now?"

The guys shared a look, doing their ESP thing, and Tank nodded, "You're right. Until we have Ranger's body, he's alive, and we're going to do everything we can to find him."

"I think we should call Cassidy, and see if he can help us out," I said.

"Maybe he can cut through some of the bullshit red tape for us," Bobby agreed.

Tank reached for the phone on his desk, "I'll give him a call, and set up a meeting," he said just as the phone started to ring. He picked it up with a gruff, "Talk." His eyes narrowed and went hard. Whatever the person on the other end of the phone was saying, it wasn't good. I hadn't even realized I'd reached out for Lester's hand until he was stroking my knuckles. "Keep and eye on him, and don't let him up. If she wants to talk to him, she'll be down. He can just wait for her." Since I was the only her, my heart dropped to my feet. Could today get any more complicated?

When he hung up the phone he looked at me. "Let me guess, Morelli's here and wants to talk to me."

"Got it in one, Bombshell." Well shit. Looked like the day just got more complicated. "It's up to you, but you don't have to."

I really didn't want go down there, but it was time I faced the man who was convinced I would make the perfect 'Burg wife. If I'd change everything about myself, that was. "I've put it off long enough. It's time to officially call off the sham of a wedding." I stood up, and headed to the door, Lester right on my heels. "What are you doing, Les?"

"Until we know what the hell he plans to do, I'm not taking any chances." He placed his hand on my shoulder, "Don't worry, Beautiful, I'll keep my distance unless I need to step in."

"I know. Thanks."

Morelli and I hadn't spoken since before I was informed of our impending nuptials, and when I'd actually stopped to think about it, I realized I hadn't actually planned on ever talking to him. Not because I was avoiding the situation, but because as a part of my life, he no longer mattered. As the saying goes, that ship had sailed. I stepped off the elevator into the lobby of Rangeman and let my eyes travel over the man I'd thought I could love. He'd been a large part of my life for the past few years, but now I really couldn't remember why.

He was good looking, in careless sort of way that so many women went for, but when I compared his looks to Ranger's natural born sexiness, I realized that his looks were just a carbon copy of almost every other guy out there. He wore it like a badge, swaggering around under the weight of his high opinion of himself. I hoped that someday he would be able to find someone who would accept him for all the things he was, an over bearing, hard nosed, sexist, prick who couldn't keep his pants zipped, and that she would lovingly give him the clap. After all, it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

With a smile on my face, and a bounce in my step I headed toward him. Lester stayed close, but as he'd promised, he gave us our privacy. "Hello, Cupcake."

"Morelli," I said. "Don't call me, Cupcake. It's either Stephanie or Steph. Haven't you figured that out yet?"

He snorted, "I'll call my future wife whatever I think fits, Cupcake. Or would you prefer it if I called you, Babe?"

"You don't rate that right, Morelli. You never did." I mentally counted to ten trying to rid myself of the need to throttle him. When that didn't work I counted to twenty. It was difficult to keep my face passive, with the smile firmly in place when I wanted nothing more than to punch him in his perfectly straight teeth.

"Too bad Manoso won't be able to call you that either. I hear he bit it on one of his 'top secret' missions." His glee was transparent even without the verbal quotation marks he placed around the words top secret.

"Hate to rain on your parade, officer, but Ranger is alive and well."

His eyes grew cold and hard. "You're delusional, Cupcake, if you think he's still alive."

"I'm not delusional, just well informed," I replied back, my voice steady, my eyes not wavering from his. "Something that you're obviously not," I paused when a question came to me. "Where exactly did you hear that juicy piece of inaccurate rumor?"

"You know the 'Burg, Cupcake, there are no secrets."

"You're right, I do know the 'Burg," I said, my smile growing wider. "How is Tracy, or was it Trista, this week? Doesn't really matter. I'm sure that Mob Princess Barbie must be thrilled to know she's sharing you with a waitress and a librarian."

"Nothing is going on between Terri and me," he said stepping close enough to me that I could smell his toothpaste. I didn't want to be that close to him, but I refused to show the weakness of stepping back.

"It doesn't matter one way or another to me, Morelli. We were over a long time ago, but I don't think you got the memo, so let me give it to you personally. We. Are. Through. There isn't going to be a wedding. Not next month, not ever. I'm in love with Ranger, and I always have been. You aren't even a blip on my heart anymore, so go find someone who is willing to lose themselves in your needs, because you won't be finding that here." I stepped away and smiled. "Oh, and Morelli, make sure you give that memo to my mother as well. I'm done with all of you."

I turned my back on him and walked to Lester, a huge smile on my face. "Cupcake," Morelli called, "You know what? "It's a shame those guys at the gas station didn't kill all the thugs you run around with, maybe if they had you'd be where you belong."

Looking over my shoulder at the man who claimed to love me I said, "That's just it, Morelli. I'm right where I belong." Without looking back I stepped onto the elevator with Lester and felt at peace with my life.