A/N: This chapter went longer than it thouht it would have, it also went to a few strange places. It's kinda funny how I included a little bit of foreshadowing to something that we all know backwards, forwards, in different times and different universes. Hell change the names, faces, and story base and we'd recognize it. But oh, well. Enjoy.
I do not own Naruto or any of the universe.
Chapter 3
Iruka looked over the results of the various tests his class had just finished taking. So far they had done very well. He began to read off the names. Those that had passed walked down to his desk and took one of their prized headbands.
Slowly has the names reach the S's Naruto began to fidget. He tugged at the sleeves of his orange jacket with his thumbs and forefingers, a nervous habit Ibiki had yet to wipe from his subconscious. His mouth went dry as he heard Ushida.
I did not fail, I did not fail…of all the things I did today I did not fail…I hope…
"Uzumaki Naruto!" Iruka called. Naruto stood straight like a board and walked rigidly down the stairs.
"Way to go. Dead last in the order and the test."
"Come on why even pretend Naruto you might as well walk out the door."
"Five to one he shits himself."
"If you run home crying tell your big sis I was supportive of your pain!"
Naruto stood before his teacher, sweat collecting on his temples and under his arms. His ankle length coat seemed to be trying to crawl off of his back and shoulders.
"When was the last time he washed that thing anyway?" he heard Ino lament. "At least pick another color…god."
"As per your test results…Above average in ranged weaponry skills. Average in examinations and testing, and based on this collection of data I can say without a doubt-"
Naruto sighed, Anko was right he just had to take it slow and everything worked out fi-
"YOU'RE A FAILURE!"
"Huh?" Naruto asked as Iruka's eyes flared red. He jabbed his finger directly into Naruto's nose pushing the student backward into the bottom level desks.
"HOW COULD YOU BE SUCH A FAILURE?" Iruka roared.
"I uh…try hard?" Naruto stammered. A foot collided with his skull, he looked up to see Ino, the owner of the foot which was still on his head, and the other girls glaring at him.
"WHY CAN'T YOU BE LESS OF A FAILUREAND MORE LIKE SASUKE?"
"I'm only Naruto so I can't really-"
"SHUT UP! I CAN'T BELIEVE THE ICHIRAKU'S EVEN ALLOW YOU IN THEIR STAND!" Iruka continued to yell, biting his clipboard in half and chewing it.
"WE SURE AS HELL WON'T NOW THAT WE KNOW WHAT A FAILURE HE IS!" Teuchi and Ayame screamed in unison as they entered the classroom.
Soon every adult and child he knew was pointing and saying that damn word, again and again.
But the worst came as Ibiki and Anko pushed through the crowd and faced him.
"Naruto…"
"Uh-oh…I remember this part from last time," the young blonde said as Anko lifted her hand. A series of extremely sharp knives, and tools appeared between her fingers.
"I can't allow such a FAILURE into my home. We'll just have to BREEP-BREEP-BREEP!"
.xxxxX
His fist slammed down on his alarm jarring it and causing the annoying thing to fall and break. Pulling himself into a sitting position Naruto rubbed his eyes. He grumbled and swung his feet onto his floor. The soft carpet sent a warm fuzzy feeling into his belly.
Well it would if the images from his nightmare weren't still fresh in his mind.
"At least give me a wet dream on such a stressful day…jeez."
.xxxxX
Down stairs in Anko's small kitchen the named owner was making one of her ward's favorite meals. The sugary smell of the French toast wafted around the kitchen and mingled pleasantly with the scent of bacon and coffee. Ibiki sampled a cup as he read through Anko's paper, eyeing the sports scores for several local games of soccer and baseball.
"He's late getting up," Ibiki noted as he looked at the clock on the wall above the small dinette table.
"I changed the time his alarm would go off to give him a bit more rest," Anko explained as she flipped a rather large omelet onto a plate and covered it in cheese and ketchup. She placed it in front of Ibiki who thanked her, folded his paper and prepared to eat.
Anko smacked his hands with a wooden spoon. "No one eats before me at my table got it?"
Ibiki pouted and rubbed his hand, "You didn't have to hit me," he whined.
"Like it really hurt Scarface," they heard from the small opening. Naruto stood, scratching his lower left side, and yawned.
"It will hurt more after I beat your ass for calling me Scarface again," Ibiki snorted.
Naruto waved away the threat and gave Anko a good morning hug. She patted his head and pushed him in the direction of his seat. She gave him a glass of orange juice and a few pieces of both toast and bacon.
"Eat up, it will help start that slow brain of yours," Anko ordered as she sat down and started cutting into a three stack of pancakes.
Naruto grunted and bit down hard on his fork. Anko's eye twitched as Naruto's stronger and sharper than average teeth made dents in her silverware. "Aren't insults a form of child abuse? You may damage my fragile self image!" Naruto opined making a melodramatic pose with his wrist against his forehead.
Anko balanced her chin on her own wrist after she finished her latest forkful, "You're stupid, ugly, and smell like wet fur on a good day," Anko deadpanned.
Naruto made a dismissive sound and pouted as he stuffed bacon into his mouth, "And it's crap like that that's gonna keep you from having grandkids."
Ibiki sipped his coffee, "No that would be your atrocious habits and personal hygiene."
"I'm smelly now? Can't you think of something better?" Naruto asked, honestly disappointed in his two favorite people. Normally he would have been in the middle a full blown rage fit from their combined insulting ability. "So…what's up with you two? I'm not spewing words I shouldn't know yet," he commented.
Anko and Ibiki exchanged and a glance before both of them set down their utensils and looked at Naruto, "We have an important 'patient' today. A high ranking spy from the Hidden Mist. We may miss your test."
Naruto started. His blue eyes went wide and looked at both intently. Anko and Ibiki immediately lost all traces of emotion as Naruto began to examine their expressions. Ibiki had only one tell. It was so minute and fast it took Naruto two years to notice it when Ibiki did it on purpose.
Anko on the other hand had learned to transfer her tells to other parts of her body. This amazing mental control was the main reason she wore no bra. What man would examine Anko's hips or forearms for muscle spasms when her breasts were so blatantly exposed?
Of course this is a ninja village. Of all its residents Anko could testify to some freaky fetishes floating around.
Naruto's eyes flew around both of them and sadly he found no hint of a lie. There was a good chance he would be alone today. He put his own fork down and fidgeted with the sleeves of the undershirt he had one.
Ibiki's hand shot out and smacked his hands away. He grabbed Naruto by the collar and hugged him. "Don't be sad little one."
Shit…I hit his sappy asshole button…Naruto sighed in his mind.
"We will be there with you! INSPIRIT!"
This man will deafen me before I turn fifteen. I'm sure of it.
He held Naruto at arm's length and looked him over. "Anko and I have taught you every basic move and technique use in this village as well as three others. You have mastered them and improvised them in ways to almost touch us when we spar. That is why you will pass. That and because we love you, and no failure will ever stop that."
Anko stood up and put her hand on Naruto's shoulder. "That's right Naruto. However," both she and Ibiki squeezed until Naruto winced visibly, "If you do happen to fail miserably my love for you will be expressed in intense and frightening pain until you pass…one year from today."
Naruto gulped and said, "Yes ma'am."
"That goes for me too," Ibiki put in.
"Got it…"
"NOW NARUTO!" Ibiki stood and stretched forth his hand spaying his fingers and putting one fist on his hip, "GO FORTH AND PREVAIL!"
"Uh, yeah. I'm gonna go wash my teeth first."
"VERY GOOD! ORAL HYGIENE IS NEXT TO HOKGAE-NESS!"
Anko and Naruto both pinched the bridge of their noses. As Naruto passed her she gave him a few signals in sign, It's your fault he says stuff like that now.
Naruto grinned showing off his overly white teeth, even after eating, and headed back upstairs to his bathroom. Anko raised an eyebrow as she looked at Ibiki, who was holding his pose.
"Reason?"
"Motivation."
"Ah…" Anko turned from him and walked toward her own bathroom. "I'm gonna take a shower and get ready…are you alright or-"
"I'm fine."
"Gotcha…" Anko shook her head and closed her bathroom's door behind her. As soon as it was locked a shiver ran through her entire body. An image of Naruto's grinning face flashed through her head. "Oooh." Anko sighed. "His first girlfriend is gonna be a freak," she lamented, stripping and turning on her shower. Anko sat on her bathroom's stool and poured water over herself. "His first girlfriend. Feh. Not from this village," Ano sighed.
.xxxxX
Four years prior: Ward age: 9, Guardian age: 20
Anko sat on her stoop in the gloom, glaring at the small collection of people across the street in the alley. They had kept to the shadows, however Anko had used a small ninjutsu to give herself heat vision, and saw them clearly. She also saw the pipes and swords they had in their hands. She was partially surprised that such a force would be assembled after she had taken the kid in.
Partially surprised.
She lifted the bottle of beer she had and tested how much was left. She had been drinking it sparingly, making sure not to get drunk. She did not want to have beer goggles on while only seeing the spectrum of heat.
No matter how awesome that could potentially be.
She drained her beer, while keeping one eye on the group and decided to test the waters. She flipped it in her hand and spun it toward the leader. With a satisfying crunch it crashed against his head and sent him tumbling to the ground.
"SNAKE BITCH!"
Anko stood and cracked her knuckles. "Come and get it boys."
The mob of four men and two women charged. A man and woman duo had ninja training by how they kept behind the civilian meat fodder. Anko smiled and snapped her fingers.
Suddenly ten ANBU surrounded the mob.
"Shit…" the impromptu leader said, his head twisting back and forth.
"Ooh. I'd hate to be you guys in the morning." Anko check her watch. "I'm gonna get some sleep guys make sure they're treated nice. I am the lead torturer for all criminals who break the Decree of the Third concerning my little ward," she said grinning before making her way back inside. With a grunt Anko released the technique and rubbed her eyes. They always stung when she deactivated it.
"Anko?" A small voice from down the hall asked.
Her head shot up and she saw Naruto's tell-tale glowing eyes looking at her. He was sitting on the floor with his legs up to his chest. She sat down next to him and put an arm around his shoulder.
"Why aren't you asleep?" she asked.
"I had a bad dream and went to your bed room, you were outside so I just waited down here. Then I heard those people…why do all the adults hate me and tell the kids to ignore me?" he whispered, burying his face in his knees.
Anko hugged him and put her chin on his head. "Let's go to bed Naruto."
As she stood she watched him for a few minutes before he followed.
.xxxxX
Anko dried her hair and used a series of tiny, and deceptively sharp, pins to hold it in place before tying her headband on. She looked at herself in the mirror and adjusted her breasts so her nipples fell just on the outside of the special chakra clips that kept her Coat in the perfect position for censorship.
Donning the signature garment Anko rolled her sleeves up and checked her tattoos. The special summoning styles mixed in with ornate ink painting. Her favorite piece was the one on her back. It had been designed, for the most part, by Naruto when he was first learning seals and other 'quick' ninjutsu abilities. The image was entirely tribal, for which Naruto was actually a pretty good artist at, and showed a large and powerful fox biting the neck of a huge many headed snake that had entwined its many tails around a beautiful maiden.
Despite her love of the image Anko could not help but shudder at the imagery and meaning behind it. Her hand absently went to her curse seal and rubbed the skin. What she hated the most about was how soft and velvety the seal felt, like fabric that had been glued to her. Her nails brushed against it sending shockwaves of equal parts revulsion and ecstasy through her body.
Hissing Anko dug her nails into the marred flesh and glared at her reflection in the mirror.
Beware such things as self mutilation Anko. They do nothing more than prolong your acceptance of the pain you wish to replace.
She stopped and pulled her hand away. Small lines of blood dotted her finger tips and palm. Using the faucet she wiped her hands and walked out to see Naruto slurping noodles from a cup of ramen.
"You just ate, Naruto. Don't overeat, it'll make you slow."
"I know. I'm just still hungry. You know how it gets sometimes," he explained. Anko nodded. "I'm heading out, how long do you guys think it will take?" he asked when they had gone outside. Anko locked the door and looked to Ibiki.
He shrugged. "Mist are either psychotics or fanatically loyal. Only a scant few are normal minded ninja who can easily be interrogated with mild techniques. It could be all day. I'm sorry Naruto."
The blonde in the orange jacket shrugged in response. "It's fine. You guys are the ones missing out. Watch as I obliterate that smug smile right off Uchiha's face!"
Anko gave him a thumbs up as the three went on their way. "knock em dead kid! The Mitarashi name is on the line!"
"Gotcha!" Naruto turned and ran up the side of the nearest building before he began leaping toward the school. He stopped and check the time on the clock tower and grinned. He had about three hours before he had to sign in for the test.
And he had just restocked his paint supply with his last allowance.
.xxxxX
Naruto wiped his forehead with is arm and sighed as he leaned back against the trees atop the Third's head. He examined his work and smiled, of course only things with infrared vision could see it, for now. In his own opinion the Hokage had never looked so good. He wondered how the effect would be if he did it now, revealing the whole thing to the village.
He shook his head after a few moments of contemplation. "Nah there's a good chance they'd take the opportunity to make me clean it and miss the test. If I pass or fail this will be my going away present to the teachers at the academy." Naruto's foxy smile spread until it reached his ears. "I have to wonder if this town is ready for me to be a ninja…" he shrugged and tossed his paint brush and roller into the small box of tools and hid it in the small compartment he had made almost seven years ago on Fourth Remembrance Day. It had been originally a hiding place for him but after he moved in with Anko he turned it into a storage facility to keep his prank materials hidden.
While glancing around he found a set of stink bombs he had bought just before the prank store he visited closed down. He flipped the box over in his hand and made his second rash decision of the day.
Now listen Naruto, scent is the strongest sense tied to memory. So you must master using your nose to discern and analyze smells. It helps you keep track of things subconsciously…as Ibiki had once told him.
"In my opinion," he said to the box, "you guys smell better than wet fur. I'd rather be remembered for you than that!"
He checked his time, forty minutes to get down and to the school for sign in, before tucking them into his pocket and sprinting off.
.xxxxX
There are over fifty instructors and part time teachers and substitutes at the Konoha Ninja Cadet Academy. The average student may meet half of them and only study under four or five. However, Uzumaki Naruto had met and studied under all fifty. Not because he wanted an advanced and varied education, but because of who and what he was.
He was generally smarter than them and had a knack for proving it not in with intelligent discussions, but with mind shattering displays of cunning.
Gentai shook in her seat as she hugged her arms. "I'M NOT DOING IT!" she bellowed.
Iruka rubbed his scar, "why?"
"You remember what he did to me! I'm not going to be his watcher! What if he has more of them!" Gentai is tragically afraid of spiders and birds. This fear is irrational and powerful and the main reason she instructs instead of serves in the main force of Ninja.
Naruto made a fully functional bird/spider hybrid puppet and chased her with it after she gave him an F in 'Foreign enemy studies. The original project he did was try to create a Kusa ninja disguise which failed because the grasses and plants he needed did not grow in Konoha's forests, despite using what he had it should have been at least a C.
So to spite her he asked for another chance and studied up on Sunagakure Chakra puppets. While his used regular strings it was made using actual bird bones and real spider fangs from specimens Ibiki kept to test poisons on.
The end result was Naruto had to be transferred because after he chased her he claimed he could create another one from scratch at any time and he would counter all prejudice from her with an army of the puppets.
Iruka, who had been one of the many teachers who thought 'Gentai's Hysterical Run of Doom' to be hilarious, could not argue. "Alright fine. Fuki-san?"
The long haired man shook his head furiously. "Hell. No."
"why not?"
"Iruka…it took fifteen separate washings to get the smell of cats and mice out of my uniform. And in the end I still had animals chasing me for weeks. And it wasn't just one it was ALL of them! he spread those pheromones like wild fire! Had to move out of my house because of him!"
Iruka's shoulders sank, the only good thing about this situation was they were admitting they would not be neutral watchers of Naruto's performance today in the test. Normally a single test of ninja techniques would be all that's required, however with increased hostilities between their neighbors and rumors of powerful ninja organizations increasing the Hokage had declared a fundamental change in the way testing was done.
A complete exam of all aspects of the student. Physical ability, technique, and knowledge of ninja arts and lore were required. The test would be done one class at a time, each of the thirty students being watched by a single teacher who evaluates how they react to the different pressures and rigors of the test. Even a perfect score can be null and void if the child that gives it is too focused on the test and not on what he has learned.
Conversely, a student who does poorly on the test, but shows strong character may still pass and become eligible for Genin status.
However this all hinged on the child having a watcher. And the only student in Iruka's class yet to be assigned on was of course Uzumaki Naruto.
Well at least it's not because he's a demon…a real one anyway…Iruka mused as he looked at the fifteen teachers available to watch his wayward student.
"Listen. I know you all have bad feelings toward Naruto because of his pranks but we all know he's had a harder life than most."
"It doesn't help that woman he lives with encourages his behavior!" A female substitute chimed in, her hands crossed over her perky breasts.
Why do flat chest women hate Anko more than normal?...Iruka decided to think about that later on.
"Noted, but can you fault him? In many cases he had a legitimate reason for acting out. We all know it's difficult to get a single teacher or administrator's attention on such a subject and we work for the system. How is a child supposed to react?
A few wriggled in their seats, uncomfortable with being pegged as uncaring to the boy. It had taken quite a bit, but many realized he was far more than what the early years of his life had led many residents to believe he was. The mural in reverence to the Fourth and Third Hokage, showing both in their prime against their most noteworthy foes (Kobito Neesai of the Stone for Sarutobi, and the Nine-tails for the fourth) on the side of the school was a testament to it.
Not because it was abnormally beautiful or anything, it was actually fairly mediocre, it was just they hadn't figured out a way to wash it off yet.
An aide in the back raised his hand, "Fine. I'll do it. I'll watch Naruto," Mizuki called
"Ah good! Now that everything's set we can finally go through the final checklist for the physical test course. Hojujin? I believe you had that."
The named shinobi stood and addressed his colleagues on where to stand and observe their respective students. Mizuki however was no longer listening.
His plans for the day were far different than anyone else's.
.xxxxX
Sakura grumbled softly as she stalked toward class. Her stomach was killing her. She had tried to eat something this morning but the end effect was her body didn't want it and she nearly vomited it all up. She had already missed the deadline for the early exam a month ago and now had to take this exam and pass if she wanted to be in a ninja squad before the next year's graduates qualified.
All in all today was going to suck.
And the person walking in front of her was not helping. Naruto was eating a very large piece of fried pork, and had pasted it with his own bottle of sauce.
And it smelled damn delicious.
He turned to regard her, "sure you don't want some Sakura-chan? Anko's special meat sauce is the best! I even pour it into my ramen!"
Sakura's mouth would have watered if the idea of sauce and ramen didn't make her stomach churn. "I'm sure Naruto. I don't want anything she made." Sakura didn't catch the slight twitch of Naruto's left eyebrow as he turned to face forward. A sudden smacking sound alerted her to the way he began to ravenously eat the pork.
"Why are you even walking this way? You live on the other side of the academy!" she grunted, shoulders drooping.
"Well I had to speak to the old man and decided to stop by the ramen stand. Ichiraku-jii was trying out a new way to make pork before putting it in the ramen and asked if I wanted some so I got a free piece!" he said happily, his mouthful.
"Well can't you take, I don't know, a different way? I'm down wind of you and that horrid coat of yours. Did you roll around in some mud puddle or something?"
"It hasn't rained for weeks. And actually I'm downwind of you and you need to start eating better," he retorted as he licked some sauce from his fingers.
"What?" she snorted stopping short. Naruto turned to regard her and sucked on the stick he had used to hold his pork.
"You smell bad. It's because you don't eat enough or the right stuff so when you fart it smells like nothing."
Sakura's face turned bright red. "I DON'T FART!" she bellowed. The looks many turned to give her caused her whole body to turn red. "I don't fart she said in a softer tone."
"Yeah. You do. And they smell like nothing except minor intestinal bacteria. You need to eat more."
"Some of us can't afford to be pigs Naruto."
"Yeah, but then again some of us remember we're only THIRTEEN! And it's not healthy to deny your body food when it's growing. This will cause your tits to stay small y'know that right?" he deadpanned.
Sakura's red coloring from embarrassment suddenly changed to anger. She clenched her fist and flung it as hard as she could into Naruto's face. She smiled wickedly as she felt his nose under her knuckles. He fell backward, blood trickling from his nostrils and his eyes white.
"Go die Naruto!" she roared walking by the prone form.
After a few minutes the body became mud and sank into the ground.
.xxxxX
Arriving at the academy always caused mixed feelings to the young Haruno. She knew her mother was inside, her perfect size seven mother wither her amazing hair and blazing green eyes and dozens of awards for academic success.
You want to be a ninja?! What has gotten into you Sakura?! Why would you want to be a glorified killer? Is that what you really want? To kill people for a living? Why can't you want to help them like me and your father?! Fine then! I'll sign it! But you better be as good as you think you can be! As good as I know you can be!
Sakura clenched her fists and stormed inside toward her classroom, ignoring the waves and smiles from teachers. But when, while watching her feet and the image of punching her mother in the face just like she had to-
"NARUTO!" a female voice cried. Sakura looked up to see a certain pair of blondes running down the hall from behind her. "GIVE IT BACK!" Ino screamed her arms held out reaching for the end of Naruto's trailing coat.
"FINDER'S KEEPERS!"
"YOU STOLE IT FROM ME!"
He laughed, showing off his vicious teeth, which always creped Sakura out, and waved a small piece of paper, "Then you should have hidden it better!"
"IT WAS WELL HIDDEN!"
"Panties don't count as a hiding place for me!" he stopped and whirled causing her to skid and fall backward on her but. Naruto bent forward and smiled, "I always check the pretty one's there first!"
His simultaneous compliment and lewd admission had Ino stammering.
Sakura snatched the picture from the unsuspecting mischief maker, "god I thought you would have learned after I decked you!" she looked at it to see a picture of Ino, at a very young age, standing beside a female actress, or what appeared to be one. In truth it was Muto Kenichi, a famous Kabuki actor famed for his amazing portrayals of famous shinobi women.
Ino tucked her legs under her and pushed off, spinning around Naruto and wrenching her picture back. With her rear to them she lifted the end of her shirt and tucked it back into her leg wraps.
"These are special bindings for my waist! No panties Naruto!" she growled.
He sauntered up to her and smiled, getting far too close, "I love women who go commando. It's so…sexy," he hissed.
Ino put her hand on his face and pushed him away. "Nasty. Your breath smells like green peppers and beef."
Sakura raised an eyebrow. She noticed that Naruto's nose was fine. "Wait weren't you eating pork?" Sakura asked pointing at him.
Naruto looked at her with a wide eyed stare, which he always did when caught in the act. "Oh…" he took on a contemplative look. "OH! That's right You got the mud clone!"
"Huh?" both girls asked.
"Well Anko-chan taught it to me a while ago but I could never hold it together over long distances so I decided to see how far it could and sent it to Ichiraku's!" he explained.
"It was a clone?" Sakura asked. "So it said what you would have said normally right?"
"Yeah why?"
Her fist blasted him backward, smoke wafting off of his face.
As Sakura stalked by him Ino raised her hands in defeat. Bending over him she said, "Even I know not to mess with her when her mother is around. Why do something stupid in purpose like that Naruto?"
He coughed, "Just wanted to liven up the party. And…uh Ino?"
"Yeah?"
Naruto gave her a lecherous smirk, "Did your boobs get bigger recently because they have a much better sha-GAH!"
Ino stepped hard onto his face and used him as a stepping stone before following Sakura. "Idiot."
After she was out of earshot Naruto took the picture out of his pocket and looked at it. "Heh. Idiot who saw your panties."
.xxxxX
Iruka felt the tension immediately when Naruto entered the room. With a sickening crack he readjusted his nose into place was washing a boot print off of his face. Considering Sakura was rubbing a set of red and raw knuckles and Ino covered her chest with her arms as he walked in he could only assume Naruto was up to his old tricks.
If he wasn't the container for the nine-tails he'd be the biggest pimp in Konoha…Iruka mused as he watched Naruto take his seat next to Chouji.
"Damn what happened to you?" the chubby ninja asked.
Naruto said his next sentence as loud as he could, "Don't you know Chouji? The ladies can't keep their hands or feet off of me!" Ino, Sakura, and several other female class mates gave him the death glare. "See? They all want me."
Chouji, who could sense the blood lust shook his head, "More like they want you in pieces."
Naruto pointed at his friend, "Still means they want me," he grinned. This caused the two to burst into laughter. A series of grumblings alerted Naruto to the third member of their isle. "Hey Shik. How ya doing? Ready to get to work? With vigor and life and enthusiasm?"
He looked at Naruto out of the corner of his eye, "Are you trying to make everyone in this room hate you?"
Naruto gasped, "Shikamaru! How could you say that? Assuming I would aim for such a small and easily adjusted crowd!" He leaned into the both of them and winked, "I'm aiming for the entire village!"
"You've succeeded didn't you notice the first time you were transferred to after only an hour in another class?"
"This is special!"
"You're special dead last!" Kiba called from behind.
Naruto looked at Kiba with a dead pan glare. "your sister said the same thing."
"Leave Hana out of this you stupid fox!"
"Did you know her right leg kicks when you rub her just right? And not her belly I mean."
"OH THAT'S IT!" Kiba jumped onto his desk and crouched down on all fours. Akamaru growled on his head and assumed the same position on his master's back.
"CALM DOWN!" Iruka roared. "Can't you all take this seriously?! This could be the last day you are all cadets and officially become ninja! I would expect a little more respect for the atmosphere!"
Naruto held back his 'what does a virgin man know about atmosphere' since it was clear Iruka was already on edge. Big tests like this always got him riled up.
"Now I will go down the list of the different tests. Each test will rank equally in your evaluation and final score. If you wish to pass you must have acceptable scores in all categories. Average will not cut it. You are aiming to be Shinobi and Kunoichi of Konoha and will carry on a history of strength to protect this village, and ultimately your friends and families."
"If you're ready to begin please some down, sign in and take your testing materials."
Naruto, who had been listening intently, smiled, "Y'know. For a guy that's never kissed a girl before that was kinda cool."
A book of School Rules spun and slammed into Naruto's ribs. "Silence will be maintained through the entire written exam. Understood?" Iruka asked, his eye brown raised and twitched.
Naruto, hunched over in pain raised his hand in a thumbs up gesture. "Yeah, I'll get you for that though, believe it teach."
A/N: Naruto is a little pervert idn't he? This chapter is over 5 and a half thousand words, which is pretty good. I decided to go a bit into Sakura and Ino more than I usually do at this early stage because both of them will be important. Now don't get confused just because Naruto is keeping an eye on the budding young lovelies around doesn't mean there's going to be a change in the character focus.
To answer a few questions: Yes it is Anko/Naruto, but that relationship is mostly fluff. I'm not sure if anythin will come of it, because their relationship now is clrealy defined, they do love each other but not in the way that would open that door. so i'll play it by ear.
OMAKE: NARUTO GIVES HANA A RUB
"So…why are you here? Wouldn't a doctor be better?" Anko asked as she looked over her fellow Chunin.
"I'm here," Hana said pointing to Anko's floor, "because it's not a bad medical problem so the med-ninja won't do anything about it. And all the chiropractors in Konoha are quacks. Just give me that deep tissue message you're famous for and I'll leave."
Anko slid across her coffee table to sit next to Hana, "what's the matter, you sound so frustrated Hana-chan."
Despite Anko's unnatural closeness, Hana didn't seem worried, "It's your house. Something smells off about it. Like a…a…" Hana though for a second and didn't notice a small form sauntering behind the couch. A swift set of hands snatched the pastries she had been eating and stuffed them even faster in a wide and hungry mouth. "Well of all the things it could be I'd have to say a-"
Hana stopped as she felt a pair of hands begin moving across her shoulders soothing them and squeezing the tense muscles before moving down her spine. She sighed loudly and made a few 'ooh' and 'aww' sounds.
"Oh Anko that feels great!" A loud slurping made her look up to see the purple haired vixen drinking her cup of tea on the other couch. her face was bored and she had an arm over the back edge of the chair. "Wait…then who's." Hana turned to see Naruto, diligently working on her back.
"Heya!" he said waving and smiling, eerily like Anko.
Hana's neck hair bristled and her eyes widened. Naruto, who had finally found the knot of muscle in her back didn't notice. He tested the area with his fingertips just as Hana opened her mouth to try and tell him off.
With dexterity and speed taught to him by Anko in the three years they had been together, Naruto lifted Hana's shirt and pressed his thumbs into the knot and worked it causing Hana to start. Her eyes rolled backward before she started to wiggle.
Anko smiled behind her tea cup. She had seen Naruto's natural dexterity early on after she bought him a small lego set to play with while he was home. In the first four minutes of opening it he had forsaken the directions and made a series of small contraptions to unlock the cabinets she kept his ramen in so he wouldn't gorge on it.
Naturally Anko had spent a good deal of time helping Naruto increase the speed and strength in his fingers and hands. Not only would this allow for faster kata formation and decreased time between techniques, it also gave Anko one hell of a free masseuse at her beck and call.
Her smile became a grin as she saw Hana's toes curl and splay at regular intervals. But what really got Anko was the way her leg began twitching. Her right leg suddenly shot out straight before curling back. Anko blinked and watched as the phenomenon started to speed up.
Finally as Naruto's hands worked the last of the knot out, he gave a final, and through, exam of Hana's spine before ending with a quick and deliberate cracking of her neck. Hana squealed and her toes spread out before she slumped down panting.
"Oh god…"
Naruto hopped off the couch and walked away merrily like only a little kid can. "If you get knotted up again give me a call!" he yelled back as he went up to his room to play.
Anko poured herself a second cup and leaned back. "Would you like a cigarette?"