A/N: Another long one. didn't expect to go this far but, meh. At least I can go beyond test day now.
Disclaimer: i do not own Naruto or any of its universe.
TO REVIEWS:
Tolaytoreview: Anko likes killing people and is the kind of ninja that doesn't ask questions.
Inuboy86: I normally would Ignore a review like this, but it kinda hit me as odd. What part of this story sings to a happy little world where nothing goes wrong? Don't assume I'll put characters in line for anything terrible, but don't either assume I'll keep them in happy fun land. Grow up, It's mature for a reason. Anko killed an abused and mentally scarred girl in the first chapter remember? This ain't viz publishing, bad shit happens.
And finally: IT'S ANKO/NARUTO! DID YOU MARRY THE FIRST GIRL YOU KISSED?! GOD PEOPLE REMEMBER THEY'RE THIRTEEN JESUS!
Chapter 5
"Each student will show three displays of ninjutsu skill. The first will be two independent study techniques followed by a third randomly selected school learned technique. We shall now selected you from this randomly prepared listing."
Anko scoffed as she saw Naruto was last, right after Sasuke Uchiha. "Randomly selected my toned and tanned ass," she snorted.
Kakashi bent backward and looked.
Iruka motioned for Ino to step forward.
She gulped and sighed before taking her place before the gathering of parents and teachers. She also felt a leering grin, specifically on her ass.
Dammit Naruto!...she growled. Fine we'll see how you grin and smirk your way out of this!
Ino's hands flew into a series of hand seals at the end of them she smacked her throat with the back of her hand.
SURO-KOE NO JUTSU (Art of the Thrown Voice)
"Heya! My name is Naruto and I have a sister-complex!"
The blonde clapped his hands over his mouth as the entire field burst into laughter.
Anko hung her head, "At least she didn't say mother complex." Ibiki patted her softly on the back.
"Don't feel bad Anko! At least you know Naruto would never do anything like smell your panties!" he said merrily.
The purple headed torturer groaned and held her forehead in her hands. "Why do you always say things that make everything about my life seem horrible?"
He laughed and grinned widely, "Because I'm a professional inside and outside the office!"
"Very good Ino," Iruka said as he and two other judges marked her score. "Now your second."
I think I'll give Naruto an even harder time…Inu said with a grin.
SHINTENSHIN NO JUTSU(Art of the Mind Body Switch)
Naruto knew what the blonde girl was up to as soon as he was put in her sights. "Crap in a bucket."
Then everything went black.
.xxxxX
Ino blinked. She looked at the floor and pulled her feet out of the water that covered the floor and shuddered. The entire place seemed to be some industrial complex, one that apparently didn't know what a hazard it was. She saw several posters lining the walls.
One with a picture of Naruto in a construction worker's uniform blowing a whistle and holding out his hand read: ALWAYS ALERT SUPERIORS IN CASE OF AN ACCIDENT!
Next to it was a movie poster with Anko and Ibiki in formal wear: COMING SOON! BEAT OF PASSION. HE LOVED TO DANCE, SHE LOVED A MAN, AND THEY LOVED TO HELP EACH OTHER.
Next to it was a picture of the Fourth and a woman dressed as a fox, both wearing Kabuki costumes and masks, facing each other with weapons drawn: WILL IT BE GOOD?! EVIL?! CAN A LONE MAN, TIRED, ALONE, WITH NOTHING LEFT STOP THE ETERNALLY POWERFUL DEMON?! COME SEE IN: FATEFUL CHOICE TALE OF THE FOURTH'S GREATEST MISTAKE!
Ino raised an eyebrow as she looked at that one.
Across the hall from that one had an image of Naruto, in the same type of formal wear, with his hands around Sakura and Ino's waists with Hinata on her knees looking at the camera with a shy look on her face: HE COULD HAVE ANY WOMAN HE WANTED! BUT SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTED HIM! A TALE OF LOVE AND THE DANCE THAT BROUGHT IT FORTH! BEAT OF THE PASSION II: LOVE'S METRONOME!
"God what is wrong with him?" Ino asked as she went further down the hall looking at the different posters.
DON'T PICK YOUR NOSE IN PUBLIC! IT'S FUCKIN' DISGUSTING!
KEEP THE MIND CLEAN! PUT YOUR PORNOGRAPHY AWAY WHEN YOU'RE DONE!
NEVER FORGET TO CLEAN YOUR AREA BEFORE GOING HOME FOR THE NIGHT!
A HELPING HAND MEANS MORE THAN GIVING SOMEONE A HANDOUT!
NEVER SURRENDER! EVEN IN THE FACE OF ARMEGEDDON!
DON'T BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! BELIEVE IN THE ME THAT BELIEVES IN YOU!
A picture of Ibiki holding up a collapsed building with his shoulders over a little girl with a teddy bear and puppy: HELP THE WORLD! IT'S THE CHARITABLE THING TO DO!
Anko in panties, and only panties to Ino's embarrassment, on the couch with dozens of beer cans around: ALL THINGS IN MODERATION! Under that in small print (Except Boobs!).
The final poster she saw before she stopped was actually a tiny Polaroid picture. She took it from the wall and smiled as it showed Naruto, as a much younger kid, and Anko and Ibiki at a small park each holding up a bowl of ramen in one hand, dango sticks clamped tightly in their teeth and a plate with fried beef and green peppers in the other hand.
She put it back, looked around, and found herself at a crossroads. A large sign post showed several different locations.
LEFT: CONTROL CENTER, CHAKRA/BLOOD CIRCULATION CENTERS, BODY CONFIGURATION
RIGHT: SECOND CONTROL CENTER, CONTAINMENT
"What is this? I've never seen a mind with…" she lifted her hand and ran her finger under the sign for 'containment.' "Second control center? Probably means Naruto's dick. Well the technique worked so all I have to do is-" Trailing off she decided to see what 'containment' meant.
Turning down that hall way she walked for what seemed like hours before she realized that the water had risen up to her thighs. She groaned but ignored it and walked into a huge area. Ino was able to catch a glimpse of huge metal bars and a small piece of paper before a red light blinded her and a shutter slammed down in front of her face.
A voice raged all around her and seemed to slam directly into her skull. "INTRUDER! WE HAVE A BREACH!" Red lights flashed and television screens showed chibi faces of a blond man with a headband holding a 'STOP' sign appeared, it was someone Ino barely recognized, before everything calmed down.
Ino was pulled backward by an invisible force and deposited at a dry area of the floor. She stood and whirled back and forth.
"NO DANGER! BREACH OF EXTERNAL ORIGIN! MENTAL CONTAMINATION OF NON HOSTILE INTENT! INTERNAL STORAGE SECURE!"
When she tried to get her bearings Ino heard a soft cough from behind. She whirled to see a woman standing at the end of a hall that wasn't behind her a moment before. "I'm not a contamination dammit!" she screamed at her.
The woman coughed into her hand. "You don't belong here girl. Get out. Now," the woman ordered lifting a well manicured hand and pointing over Ino's shoulder. The younger girl turned and saw a door that read clearly 'EXIT.'
Ino flustered, both from the idiocy of the exit door and the woman herself. She was beautiful. Her beauty was almost to the point that Ino could hardly look away. Her hair was fiery red and hung down to the floor. The kimono she wore was decorated with the images of snakes and branches, intertwined around her legs. Her left arm was covered in a blooming flower pattern while her right had a series of tails. Her skin was alabaster white while her lips and eyes were a burning blood red. Whenever she sighed or opened her mouth Ino saw a mouth full of fangs. There were also long red strings connected to her back and hair that trailed off in the direction of the CONTAINMENT area.
"That wasn't a suggestion," she ordered.
"W-who are you? Why does Naruto have a woman in his head?"
"It doesn't matter. And you should have listened, this will hurt," She dashed at Ino and put her index and middle finger of her left hand between her eyes. "REJECTED!" Her palm slammed down and crashed into Ino's nose.
Ino was blasted back into her body with such force her physical form flew backward over ten feet before she rolled to a stop at the feet of the instructors.
Iruka dropped his clipboard and dropped beside her, "Ino! Are you okay? What happened?"
When he turned her over her eyes were swirling around in their sockets. "She was right…it did hurt," she said before passing out.
Iruka looked up to see Naruto, standing by himself, the rest of his classmates moving out of the odd light coming from his forehead. A seal in the shape of a hand signaling stop appeared in red before fading.
"What?" he asked looking around. "Never seen an intrusion halting seal? It's a defense against mental attacks! Get off my back!" he growled. "Serves her right," he said pointing to his mind, "If she saw half the stuff I want to do to her in there, I would've been surprised if she ever came back," he chuckled.
While the students moaned and calmed down Ibiki and Anko exchanged glances nervously. Someone moved to sit beside them. Anko looked at Inoichi. "May I ask what happened?"
"Why look at me?" Anko countered. "Looks like your kid needs to work on busting through strong seals."
"Seals like that don't work on the Shintenshin. It subverts the dominant mind not attacks it. If she had used mind body disturbance then it would have been an effective counter measure. So…is there anything else that may have been an influence?"
Anko and Ibiki gave Inoichi an unsettling and telling glare. Inoichi, not wanting to start anything with two people known for how well they do their jobs (which is hurting people professionally by the way), nodded and returned to his original seat.
Anko made a mental note to talk to the blonde. Both Naruto and Ino.
.xxxxX
Iruka stood as two medics treated Ino. "We have deduced that Ino's technique would have been successful had it not been for Naruto's seal, therefore she will have the chance to present her final ninjutsu after she gets back on her feet. Now would Hyuuga Hinata please step forward?"
Hinata gulped and sent a small glance into the crowd. When she sighed, and found none of her relatives were there she walked boldly into the space Ino had just vacated.
She made her first choice obvious and activated her family trait. Iruka nodded and wrote down her score. However he felt a disturbance in her chakra and the entire crowd gasped as Hinata's body began to sway back and forth.
Anko's eyes widened and she stood. Ibiki made an 'hmmm' sound and smiled behind his hand.
At once Hinata stopped moving and threw her arms at the ground. Her limbs grew from the elbow down and crashed her palms into the soil, causing deep impressions. She pulled them back and bowed.
RYUUCHOU YARI HIRA (Flowing Spear Palm)
"Ah very good," Iruka commented as he marked her second score down. "Now for your academy technique you must perform the Bunshin no jutsu."
Hinata nodded and created three perfect clones of herself. Iruka nodded and called out the next person. She ran back, her face red, to Naruto, "I-I did it!" she said laughing.
"I told ya it wa going to be easy! It's the simplest technique you can do but-"
A hand clamped down on Naruto's and Hinata's head. "Excuse me," Anko hissed as she lifted the two cadets and took them behind the bleachers. "Why does Hinata know one of my techniques Naruto?!" Anko snarled as she began to choke the blonde shaking him back and forth.
"An-Anko-san please! I needed a second technique! My clan doesn't have much ninjutsu! And the ones they do have-"
Anko stopped abusing Naruto and looked at the forlorn girl. With a heavy sigh she dropped the unconscious kid and crouched down before putting her hand on Hinata's shoulder, "That's fine Hinata. I would have preferred if you had asked me, instead of him," she shot a venomous glare at Naruto, "But you did learn the technique correctly."
Hinata's face brightened, "R-really!"
"Yes," Anko's grip tightened on Hinata's shoulder, "But now you belong to me."
"Huh?"
Anko stood, "The Flowing Spear Palm is the initial technique to learn my entire cadre of secret techniques. It is the building block for my whole cache of ninjutsu and some taijutsu. Because you now know that you must learn the rest. If you don't."
Hinata shuddered as Anko drew several of her instruments from her coat pockets.
"I'll have to seal the knowledge of the palm from your memory. Got it?!"
Hinata squealed and shook violently, "Y-YES MA'AM!"
Anko gave her normal 'cute' smile, "GOOD!" She picked up Hinata and hugged her rubbing her cheek against the girl's, "Oh! If only I had found you wondering alone that night! Ah, a cute little sister instead of that little pervert who lives with me…what's his name again? Oh well! It sends shivers down my spine when a cutie like you fears me! I just love that!" Anko took Hinata back to watch the rest of the test.
Naruto groaned as he picked himself up and patted the dirt off of his own coat. "Bah. She doesn't wear underwear unless she drinks and I'm the pervert," Naruto spun Hinata's panties around his index finger. "Oh well, at least I learned how awesome big sis is as a distraction," Naruto said grinning. He packed the pink fox decorated undies into his pocket and sauntered back to wait his turn.
.xxxxX
"Now, Uchiha Sasuke!" Iruka called, incited yet another ear splitting squeal. Even Sasuke made a grimace as he took his place. He faced away from the crowd and the school and made the necessary hand seals.
KATON: GOKAKYU NO JUTSU (Fire Release: Art of the Great Fireball)
Iruka whistled. "Very good! Now your next technique!" Sasuke gulped. After a minute Iruka looked up at him, "Is there a problem Sasuke?"
"No. Sorry my throat," he said softly and took a drink from a given bottle of water. After drinking half the bottle Sasuke made seals, but was stopped by Iruka.
The teacher had recognized the hand seals as a second common Uchiha fire technique. "Sasuke, you know you must use, two completely different techniques. As in one fire ball, and then one not fire ball."
Sasuke's face grew grim as he peered over his shoulder to see Naruto and Anko and Ibiki grinning widely. "Yeah Sasuke," they catcalled as one, "A fireball and a not fireball!"
I'm going to kill you for this Naruto…Sasuke thought as he sighed and made his hand seals.
OIROKE NO JUTSU (Art of the Sexual Form)
In Sasuke's place stood a beautiful woman, about five and a half feet tall. She had long auburn hair the curbed just under her buttocks and hid everything from view, as her bangs dangled down to cover her breasts. She posed with her arms over her head and her left leg lifted and bent, her knee pointing to the right.
Everyone, save the knowing members of the Mitarashi family, simultaneously gasped, laughed, or passed out from blood loss. Iruka stood first and rubbed his eyes. "Sasuke. Please…please tell me that isn't what I think it is."
Sasuke's face fell and she dropped the pose, "Yes Iruka-sensei. It is it what you think it is."
Iruka cursed under his breath and groaned loudly. "Why?"
"Because Sasuke-chan…only knows how to do fireballs!" Naruto said as he walked up and inspected the form. "Hrm. Your scent still is too much like your original one. And the carpet doesn't match the drapes." Sasuke turned blood red and tried to smack Naruto, who dodged, "You see, this technique doesn't merely make a beautiful version of the user! It alters the entire body. Hana-chan if you would confirm it for me?"
The elder Inuzuka sibling stood and sniffed around Sasuke, "Naruto's right she doesn't smell anything like Uchiha Sasuke."
Iruka nodded and motioned for Sasuke to drop the illusion. He did as the majority of on lookers awoke. One of the girls in Sasuke's fan club blushed furiously, "What's up with you Kosuna?" Ino asked.
"I think I'm a lesbian now."
Ino gave the girl a deadpan stare and smacked her.
.xxxxX
Iruka slipped the now empty sake bottle back into his vest and sighed, "Now that we've all had a good deal of therapy. The final test will be given! Uzumaki-Mitarashi Naruto to the front!"
As he made his way from the group of students Naruto grinned even as several parents and children booed him. He merely threw up his hand and flicked them off.
"Alright Naruto are you ready?" Iruka asked.
The blonde nodded. "But are you?" he asked as his hands went into a flurry of seals. His head swerved to the right and he spread his arms before clapping them on the ground.
KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU (Art of Summoning)
Smoke exploded around him, as it cleared to reveal a huge forest brown fox, at least twenty meters tall, with a purple Mohawk. "The hell?" it swiveled its head left and right causing Naruto to wobble dangerously from his perch. After a few moments it set down on its haunches and growled, "UZUMAKI!"
"Up here man!" Naruto called happily. The fox flipped its head causing Naruto to fall to its tail, which wrapped around the boy lifting it before the summoned beast's head.
"You dare call me here as an exhibition?!" he roared.
"Heh sorry! I would have called one of the others but you're so much more majestic! You give a greater air of authority, and grace," Naruto said prostrating himself before the great fox.
Eyeing the crowd with his vicious eyes, the beast grinned, showing off its sharp and powerful teeth and jaws. "I see what you mean," it stated as one older woman fainted. "Despite your insolence I shall forgive you this time, kit. But you still have a long way to go. I felt the pull of your chakra as if through a funnel. Too little! Too little!" it said waving one paw. "A summoner of our kind must have as much chakra as one of your Kage," he spat the word, "to summon our lesser lieutenants." The huge animal grinned wider, "Or you can use your real chakra!" Naruto growled at him flashing purple eyes, "REMEMBER IT KIT OR THE NEXT TIME YOU NEED AID WILL BE IN ONE OF MY SIBLINGS' STOMACHS!"
With an explosion of orange smoke the fox disappeared dropping Naruto onto his ass. Anko sighed and smacked her face…He just had to summon the bloody fox. Great now everyone is going-
"That was impressive!" a sibling of a cadet said. Their parents glared at Naruto, as did a few older ninja, but the students were already chatting happily. Too few clans had summoning on the list of their techniques to pass on.
"Hana," Kuromaru, who had been ignoring the test suddenly spoke up, the elder Inuzuka bowed to dog, "The boy has grown. If only he was a few years older."
Hana laughed, "You think he would make a good mate for me Kuromaru?"
The dog snorted, "Your mother. She likes em young."
Hana started then saw the smirk on the old dog's face and shook her head helplessly.
"How did Naruto learn that?" Kakashi spoke up to Anko.
The purple headed torturer grinned, showing teeth a bit too sharp for Kakashi to feel comfortable, "A gift from an old friend," Anko explained vaguely.
"Ah."
Iruka consulted the other teachers in hushed whispers. "What do you mean?"
"That doesn't count," a teacher on the committee snapped. "Calling such a beast here."
"Sasuke nearly burnt down the building!" Iruka's aide countered.
"Sasuke is an Uchiha!" the committee member snapped back.
"And Naruto is an orphan raised by a torturer?" Iruka asked.
The committee member narrowed his eyes at Iruka. "Naruto is a de-"
A hiss made the man stop short. He turned and saw a black mamba, entwined around his leg tightly, its poison filled mouth opening wide. He looked to the stands and saw Anko and Ibiki standing, their hands in their coat pockets. Naruto chuckled.
"Dead man standing," he cat called.
"Little!" as he was about to move the snake tightened its grip.
Iruka smiled, "I think the snake vetoes your vote. Naruto's summoning counts. Your second technique please, Naruto!" Iruka called.
The blonde made a peace sign and stood, patting the dirt from the back of his coat. He drew a Kunai and spun it around his finger before jamming it into the ground. "Everyone hold on to something!" he called as he clapped his hands and made a flurry of seals.
DOTON: DORYU JOHEKI (Earth Release: Earth Flow Rampart)
Under Naruto and his teacher's feet a massive block of earth grew upwards until it was the same height as the first story of the academy. He grinned and patted the soil, causing it to sink down at awkward angles making the committee member, still at the mamba's mercy, fall over, much to his dismay thinking the snake would attack.
When the ground was as stable as it would be Iruka nodded motioned for his aide to choose the randomized technique. Iruka took the slip and nodded, "Alright Naruto you must now correctly use the Bunshin no Jutsu, and create three copies."
The blonde chuckled, "Uh…what if I don't do it?" he asked rubbing the back of his head.
"Why wouldn't you?"
"Because I'll fail that one," Naruto grinned.
"Are you sure? You did great so far!" Iruka commented, causing the committee member to snort as he tried to pull his leg free of the snake.
"Uh yeah I am. I have a med-nin note!" Naruto said he happily produced a small piece of paper and handed it to Iruka.
TO EXAMINER,
Uzumaki-Mitarashi Naruto is unable to properly perform some techniques due to an irregularity within his chakra system. Understand this irregularity causes his chakra to 'spike' thus making techniques of a certain nature impossible. Therefore this note is to excuse Uzumaki-Mitarashi Naruto from use or practice of the Bunshin no jutsu.
"So what will you do instead?"
Naruto grinned, "My favorite technique! Which, ironically, used to be my worst!" Naruto formed a single hand seal. Kakashi and every jounin in the area gasped as a second Naruto appeared grinning.
KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU (Do I really have to translate this one?)
Iruka and his aide looked at each other, dumbfounded. He went over and poked and prodded both Narutos, and found to his amazement, they were both there in the flesh. "Amazing Naruto!" Iruka cried, "A complete Kage Bunshin at your age! I'm surprised your chakra capacity is that good! Excellent!"
Naruto A and Naruto B nodded before he released the technique.
"That's all of the tests! We will now add up your children's scores combined with their final grades in their classes for their placement within the class ranks. If you wish to acquire any information on either please take one of the forms my aide will pass out! This should take an hour so relax!" Iruka, the committee member (now minus one mamba) and Iruka's aide all bowed, while the former two went to add up the totals.
"I must admit," the committee member said, "The Kage Bunshin was impressive. I did not believe the…" he searched for the word, "child would be able to do it so early."
"Well the chakra spikes explain why Naruto failed the last two times. But this test more than made up for it! I think that final display will put him in the running for rookie of the year!" Iruka chuckled.
Off to the side, a certain cadet heard it and clenched his fists so hard his nails dug into his palm.
.xxxxX
"Who's the most awesome scion of the most awesome Ninja clan ever?!" Anko cried.
"Naruto!" Ibiki and the blonde replied at once.
"Who?"
"NA-RU-TO!" Ibiki displayed two fans with chibi faces of Naruto making the peace sign on one side and 'VICTORY OVER STUPIDITY' on the other. He waved them back and forth merrily. "WHAT A GRAND DAY FOR YOU MY FRIEND!" he wept as he put a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "I'm so happy Naruto. After your first two failures I was sure you were mentally retarded, but you've made me and Anko so proud."
"Thanks Ibiki," Naruto replied. He noticed Hinata and waved her over. The blushing heiress did as bade and bowed to Ibiki and Anko. "So Hinata how does it feel to be the best friend of rookie of the year?" Naruto asked poking himself in the chest with his thumb.
As Hinata was about to answer Anko and Ibiki burst into maniacal laughter, "Oh that's rich!" Anko snorted.
"What do you mean? I aced every test with flying colors! I was the shit and the bomb! Hell I could even be an F-bomb if I wanted."
Anko poked his forehead and pushed him backward into Hinata, "Yes, but your grades suck balls! The final scores for rookie of the year come after averaging your totals for the year. So tell me Uzumaki-Mitarashi Naruto, rookie of the year," Anko bent forward causing Hinata to blush even further at the display, "What was your grade average for this year?"
Naruto closed his eyes and went into a thinking position. After a few minutes he threw out a thumbs up. "F! FOR FANTASTIC!"
Anko crashed her heel into Naruto's skull. "Man I'm glad I didn't give birth to this thing. I'd have to have my womb screened for stupid," Anko sighed.
As smoke wafted from Naruto's head, with Hinata trying to give him a wound salve, he said, "Child abuse accounts for fifty percent of missing ninja," with a grunt he fell backwards and promptly passed out.
"Ah! Naruto-kun!" Hinata cried, tears rimming her eyes.
"He's fine Hinata-chan," Ibiki commented patting her on the back. "This happens all the time! His skull is so hard it nearly broke Anko's heel last fall!"
Hinata looked from the unconscious boy to his guardian, "Ah. I see."
Anko picked Naruto up and slung him over her shoulder, "Let's go see if they posted the final scores yet, if they have want to join us for dinner Hinata-chan?" Anko asked.
The lavender eyed heiress smiled wide, but suddenly looked away, sadly, "I do not believe I will have permission."
Anko looked around and when she saw no other Hyuuga she took a deep breath, "FUCK HIASHI!" she roared. Hinata gasped and covered her head as if thunder and flames would fall from the sky. When nothing happened she opened her eyes and saw Anko smiling, "If he doesn't come running after that I doubt he will when you're treated to some of the best sushi in the city," Anko winked and ruffled Hinata's hair as the group made their way to the postings.
.xxxxX
Iruka stood proudly beside a table with thirty gleaming headbands, all proudly showing off the Konohagakure Leaf symbol. He read aloud each student and as they came to take their headband he happily tied it off for them. Naruto held up his headband and stuck his tongue out at several adults.
"SUCK IT LOSERS! YOU MAY HAVE THE MITARASHI CLAN WAS NOTHING BUT FREAKS!" He cawed making Anko chuckle, albeit with a vein popping out of her forehead, "WELL WE'RE WAY MORE THAN THAT! WE HAVE SPUNK!"
He wrapped the headband on his forehead, "Hey Iruka-sensei."
"Yes Naruto?"
"This is official right? Like written down in ink and crap right?"
Iruka nodded, "Yes once the forehead protector is put on it marks you as an official Konoha ninja, nothing can stop that now Naruto."
"Sweet!" Naruto made a flurry of hand seals Iruka recognized.
.xxxxX
"Hey Kenichi," Garu, a senior member of the ANBU patrol for the village asked his partner on their break.
"What?" Kenichi replied as he read a small instruction manual.
"Did the Hokage monument always give off this weird chakra rating?"
"Don't know. Don't care. Don't care to know."
"We should maybe check it out y'know." Kenichi didn't comment, "It is our job."
"Always with the taking from your boring face, let me read."
"Fine. But if we get called in by that damn civilian review board it's your ass not mine!"
"Go ahead. See what happens."
.xxxxX
"Naruto…what did you do?" he asked as a woman screamed. He whirled and his jaw dropped. Naruto had given each and every one of the Hokage faces a Kabuki make over.
Despite himself, Iruka had to admit it was a very good job, "Na-ru-to!" Iruka growled.
Just as he was about to grab at the blonde he noticed the foxy shinobi dashing off Anko and Ibiki hot on his trail, carrying Hinata between them. "HA! NO ONE BUT UZUMAKI-MITARASHI NARUTO HAS THE BALLS FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT! BETTER BELIEVE IT!"
Laughing madly the Mitarashi group was soon lost in the distance.
Mizuki rubbed the back of his head, "Did he really keep an illusion going all day to make sure he had the biggest impact with that?" he asked Iruka, who was still in shock Anko hadn't backed him up. Mizuki shrugged, until he heard shaking metal he casually looked behind him to see Sasuke glaring between the postings of class rank and the Hokage monument.
Even with Sasuke's subpar written test score, and his impromptu ninjutsu he had been rookie of the year, however Naruto had aced every test and out-scored the entire school. It was only his dismal grades from the rest of the year that kept him from Sasuke's spot.
And Mizuki grinned cruelly.
.xxxxX
Sasuke sat in his apartment, his fingers interlocked in front of his face, his eyes locked on his headband. The leaf seemed to be mocking him. He remembered Naruto's display of power both in kunai throwing and summoning the huge fox, despites its obvious disdain for the environment it had made sure Naruto would not die after it dropped him.
It had respected Naruto.
Naruto.
UZUMAKI-MITARASHI NARUTO OF ALL PEOPLE!
"I'm an Uchiha. I must be the best. I won't be beaten by the dead last of the class. By a guy who fawns over his big sister like a character in a hentai game!" Sasuke made a hissing sound through his teeth. "I even went to him for help! ME!" He slammed his fists down on his desk so hard it made his arms shake with numbness.
A knock made him sit up abruptly. "Hey Sasuke. It's Mizuki, from the academy I need to ask you something."
.xxxxX
The premise was simple. The Hokage had left to find and talk to Naruto about his…'redesign' of the monument. The Hokage's tower was not guarded half as well as it would have been if he wasn't in the village. And even if it was the patrols are made by average ninja, not ANBU.
Well if it's so easy how would that show I'm a better ninja?
It's what you can get when you are inside that will show everyone. There is a certain scroll.
Sasuke slipped over the wall right between two Chunin, both of which had the general air of bored office workers. He dashed across the open courtyard, changing his body so all the colors of his back and hair resembled that of the ground in case of any overhead viewing.
He pressed his back against the base of the tower. The stone had a distinct impression on the young ninja. His ancestors had helped with the construction of the tower ages ago; in fact it was mostly Uchiha masonry that formed this building. Sasuke found it mildly amusing that he was about to use his heritage as an excuse to break into the home of a powerful and skilled ninja.
He slid down the wall for a few minutes before coming to the window Mizuki had told him about. The files clerk girl for this level had bad allergies so she needed fresh air, and always kept the window open. What Mizuki didn't tell Sasuke was that he had purposefully distracted her earlier in the day so she forgot about it.
With a quick leap Sasuke was inside the tower, right under the nose of its impressive array of sensor seals and chakra trip wires. He bounced around the room to the door and checked the hall with his Kunai, no one.
Creeping out of the room, he hastily changed his shape to that of an older Chunin and calmly walked to the stairs. Quickly ascending to the top floor Sasuke checked the hall once more and then exited, returning to his true form. The door he wanted was next to an old storage room. He cut his left palm and put it against the door.
"To wipe away Madara's stain," he whispered.
The door clicked open, his blood vanishing from the wood. Sasuke didn't have a good idea of who exactly 'Madara' was but he knew it was an ancestor that had lessened trust between the greater Uchiha clan and the village elders. The code phrase had been one the Uchiha used exclusively, so it was hard for Sasuke not to exploit it.
Inside the dimly lit room Sasuke found dozens upon dozens of scrolls. Some as large as he was, others small enough to hide in his palm. The one he wanted, however, was situated on a small alter at the end of the room.
Sasuke checked for any traps or chakra triggered mechanisms, and slowly lifted the scroll. It felt much lighter than it should have been, and there was…something about it that Sasuke didn't like. Whatever it was, it didn't really matter to him. Maybe it was a little twang of guilt for invading the place.
But he was an Uchiha.
And he had to be the best.
.xxxxX
The Sandaime Hokage was not an angry or violent man. In fact he was closer to pacifist than a warrior in many respects. However, after seeing his face decorated as a kabuki actor, made it somewhat…difficult to remain in his normal state of mind when dealing with the one who did the deed.
It didn't help the two people he was trying to scold were stuffing their face with sushi. "OOH! Naruto try this salmon! It's got that spice I like!" Anko tossed one over the table in front of an aghast Hinata only to be caught on the fly in Naruto's mouth.
Despite his companions and their brutish eating habits, Ibiki was calmly and lovingly eating his own meal. When Hinata turned to him for help all she got was this, "The supple taste of the fish. The light texture of the seaweed. All mixes into perfect harmony and a cascade of flavor! OH THIS IS HEAVEN ON EARTH!" Ibiki stood and planted on foot on the table, his arm outstretched in homage to the sushi he had just bitten.
Hinata hung her head, "If my father learns of this…"
"Ah that Hiashi guy needs to get laid," Naruto commented, his mouth stuffed.
"Yeah I know a few girls who like arrogant clan heads. They won't even black mail him. He's just gotta go wham! Bam! Thank you ma'am!" Anko replied, her face also stuffed. "OI! I NEED MORE SAKE HERE!" she called holding up a chilled glass. "Oh sorry boss what did you say?"
Sarutobi sighed loudly and took a seat from a nearby empty table and sat down. When Anko's sake was brought he raised his hand, "I'll have whatever they're having as well please."
"Yes Hokage-sama!" the girl said bowing.
Anko, Ibiki, and the Hokage raised sake saucers in salute to Hinata and Naruto's graduation. Naruto would have done the same but a pain in his stomach made him wince.
"What is it kid?"
Naruto put his chopsticks and tea cup down and rubbed his temples. His brow furrowed. He looked at Anko and then the Hokage. "The…" he looked at his stomach, "The thing is moving."
Sarutobi and Anko stood at once. "Ibiki," The Torturer dropped his happy face and saluted to his leader, "Take Hinata home. Naruto, Anko come with me," Sarutobi ordered as he signed the bill and rushed out, the Mitarashis on his heels.
"The scroll is headed to the northeastern forested area," Naruto said suddenly.
"What else can you tell? Who took it?" Anko asked.
"Don't know. All I can tell is it's moving at average speed, maybe above. It's a student or a cadet."
"Who would…" Sarutobi whirled and pointed to Anko and Naruto. "Go after it. Do not engage, unless they leave the village. I'll assemble a search party."
"Yes Hokage-sama!" the two ninja saluted and vanished.
The third rubbed the back of his neck and sighed, "I'm getting too old for this."
.xxxxX
Sasuke sat beside the shack and opened the huge scroll, when he did something smacked him across the face and the scroll closed. A vile energy filled the area and made him scuttle away from the center of it, the scroll itself.
In deep red, feral looking kanji an invisible hand scrawled into the dirt under the thing: NOT YOURS TO SEE.
Sasuke gulped, "What the hell was that?"
"Stupid, very, very stupid," a hiss from behind. Sasuke turned his head in time to have Anko's boot hit him square in the cheek. He tumbled head over heels into a tree and stopped dead, groaning. "You stole the scroll and opened it. Good thing it hates Uchiha…" Anko whispered.
Sasuke wiggled to his feet and wiped blood from his mouth, "You don't have the right to judge me!" he shot.
Anko blinked, "Actually I do. It's in my purview to punish any who go against the will of the village. I can turn you into a blood stain on the forest floor and all I have to do is mark a little box on a piece of paper that says 'self defense.' So come on kid. Make my day."
Sasuke stood; holding his ground, then turned and fled running back to the village.
"What? THAT LITTLE SHIT!" Anko roared and charged after him.
Naruto, who had been hiding in the bushes, shook his head, "And people say I'm the stupid one." He stood and walked to the scroll. He glared at it and felt his stomach rumble. "Great. I'm not supposed to touch this thing…what do I do?"
A shuriken, one of the largest Naruto had ever seen, slammed into the ground between him and the scroll. Cursing he leapt back and scanned the canopy to see Mizuki.
"Stay away from that scroll Naruto."
"Kinda said I have to. Orders."
Mizuki's face was soon plastered with a shit eating grin, "do you know why?"
"Not really, no. And I don't care to know. It's not my place to question orders like that."
"Not even if it explained why everyone hates you?" Mizuki asked.
Naruto started. "What do you mean?"
The aide held out his hand and laughed, "You didn't notice? Everyone, and I mean everyone, in the village hates you Naruto. And it's because of one little reason!"
"And what's that!" Naruto screamed.
"I can't tell you, it's a law. A decree actually."
"What decree?"
"It was given out on October eleventh, thirteen years ago. It stated that no one, not the highest ranking ninja to the lowest ranking genin or civilian, was to speak aloud the fact you," he pointed directly at Naruto, "Are actually the container for the nine-tailed demon fox! KYUUBI!"
Naruto's eyes widened, almost to the point they were saucers. He put his fists in his mouth and made a whining sound. He shook back and forth and ran around in a circle. "OH NOEZORS! I'M TEH KYUUBI! NIEEEEEUUUUUUUUOOOO!" he screamed before laughing. "What was my first clue eh?"
Mizuki started, "You…knew?"
The genin laughed harder, showing off his sharp canines, "OF COURSE! This village is made up of the biggest collection of gossipers and stupid civilians in history! Every adult who doesn't like me calls me a demon and tells their kids to stay away, women keep their sons and husbands away from me! What spiritual creature changes into a woman to seduce men?"
Mizuki shook his head.
"DING! KITSUNE!" Naruto took off his coat and dropped it on the ground. "And they always keep their promises. I promised the old man I wouldn't hold anything against the village, but since you just attacked me and convinced Sasuke to steal that thing it means you aren't an official villager anymore. So your ass is mine Mizuki-sensei!" Naruto fell into a stance and smiled as he lifted his fists.
Mizuki laughed before jumping down to the ground. He drew his second big shuriken and spun it around his fingers. He charged his feet barely touching the ground. He threw the weapon and drew a small handful of kunai. Naruto's body seemed to warp and he dodged the blades of the spinning steel by a fraction of an inch.
Mizuki spun and place and sent a flurry of daggers at Naruto. The blonde let out a sigh of air and his body warped again, each blade passing just over his skin or through his hair. Mizuki watched, horrified as every weapon he used missed.
Naruto hopped on the balls of his feet and then dashed forward. He threw his left hand out, and Mizuki went to block, but as his forearm went to catch the blow and turn it against the boy Naruto shifted downward and into Mizuki's zone. With a flurry of movement and amazing speed Naruto had wrapped his arms under Mizuki's and was lifting the larger man over his head.
He spun the body of his teacher around his chest and leapt up.
MITARASHI SHUZOKU KYUUSHO JUTSU: HEBI HOUYOU (Mitarashi Family Secret Technique: Serpentine Embrace) TSUIRAKU RYUU (Falling Dragon)
The sound Mizuki's head made as it hit the earth was akin to a melon cracking against cement. His body fell limp and Naruto dropped him, standing and cracking his neck.
"Take it bitch," he grunted as he kicked the unconscious man.
"Ah good you got the other one," Anko commented as she appeared from the brush. A heavily beaten Sasuke being dragged behind her. "This little rat can run fast!" she said lifting him.
Naruto blinked and narrowed his eyes. He made a seal and put his hand on Sasuke's chest. In a puff of smoke the 'Sasuke' became a chunk of molded grass. Anko made a cat-like screeching sound. "LITTLE BASTARD!" she screamed.
"Let it go," Naruto sighed. Anko looked at him, an eyebrow raised, "We caught the mastermind, of a sort," he used his thumb to point to Mizuki, "We'll always know what he did. Think of the black mail possibilities!"
The purple headed kunoichi chuckled and shook her head. She picked up the scroll and tossed it over her shoulder. Naruto did the same to Mizuki and they headed back to the village.
"What a life eh Anko?" Naruto asked.
"What a life."
.xxxxX
In the Hyuuga compound…
Hinata stretched and smiled to herself, "It was fun being with Anko-san and…Naruto-kun," she said as she took off her coat and then her shirt. As Hinata went to remove her pants she stopped and shifted her thighs a little. Her pale cheeks grew pink, then red, then orange as she pulled the front of her pants up to find out if her fears were true.
Hinata's scream cut through the compound. Her branch family attendant threw open the door a katana drawn, "HINATA-SAMA! WHAT'S WRONG?!" the woman asked scanning for threats.
"I don't have on any panties…" she whimpered looking at the older woman.
Blinking the guard scratched her head, "oh…um…do you need another pair?"
Hinata shook her head slowly. As she replayed the events of the day in her head she remembered Naruto's hand had slid past her hip when he fell after Anko choked him. Her face grew even darker and for a second the guard thought she would pass out.
"What's wrong Hinata-sama?!"
"I think Naruto-kun stole my panties…"
A/N: I don't even think Naruto remembered those. But anyway, BEAT YOU ALL! I GOT SASUKE TO USE THE NINJA CENTERFOLD! AND IT MAKE SENSE! SUCK IT UCHIHA!
Sorry I was channeling Naruto there for a second. And I doubt Hiashi will let this stand, or maybe he will he kinda hates Hinata around this time frame.
And I swear to god I do not need to hear about the famlial relationship of the fuckin' hyuuga so don't send me reviews of that. The is this an Anko/Naru fic ones were bad enough.