Was it really possible to kill someone with the blunted knives found at Gino's Diner? Quinn had made the threat to all of them at one point or another during her pregnancy (man he bet she missed using the baby hormones excuse when she went off the deep end) but was it really physically possible to carve a heart out one millimeter at a time, as Quinn claimed it was. Matt twirled the knife idly between his fingers as he contemplated the answer. To find the answer he was clearly going to need a volunteer and former friend Noah "Puck" Puckerman was going to fill the bill perfectly.

If Puck had just told him they were going to the swim meet to scope out girls, he could have lined up another ride. He could have come up with an excuse. Lord knows it wasn't that hard to do and Puck didn't really need a wingman. If Puck had just told him what was going on, instead of insisting it was going to be fun, then he would be home right now. Pathetically at home, Matt admitted. But still at home and not having to deal with sitting and trying to not shoot death looks at Sam for just breathing.

He wasn't quite sure when the way someone breathed actually became annoying but Sam had managed it. Or was it more the fact he had his arm around Kurt's shoulder since the second they had sat down. No it was the breathing. Had to be the breathing. It was all perfectly even and crap even after winning all his events. Yes it was the breathing.

Next on his list of "volunteers" was Mike Chang for sure. Of all the times Mike had to grow a pair when it came to a girl he liked, he had to pick tonight to do it. At least with Mike there was another car, since he always insisted on driving. But no, he had to come up with the lamest of all date plans, a study date. And instead of waffling on it for about a month like he normally did, he had to actually go and ask Mercedes. If Mike had been his usual punk ass self, they could have left earlier, gotten here before the Lima Junior College Rush Week party showed up and then he wouldn't be squished around a table that was actually supposed to sit two.

So now not only did he have to deal with the breathing and the arm around the shoulder (ok maybe that was annoying as well), then he wouldn't have to be sitting so close he could feel every time anyone shifted. So Kurt had accidentally brushed his leg at last count ten times. Not that he was pathetic enough to be counting things like that. Eleven, he corrected automatically as Kurt moved his foot again. Ok he was that pathetic.

And he was honest enough to admit that if there was any hint of footsie going on under this table; Sam Anderson was going to find out just what a fork in the eye was going to feel like.

"You look bored out of your mind." Kurt remarked. "We can leave if you want."

"No. It's just….crowded in here isn't it?" Matt protested. He wasn't bored, but there wasn't really a good way to answer that observation when the truth was closer to feeling like a jealous lunatic for no good reason. Ok there was a good reason but not one that was appropriate to admit to in the middle of a crowded diner which included the annoyingly perfect swim freak of a boyfriend sitting with you.

"If I had realized it was spring Rush I wouldn't have even suggested this." Sam nodded his head in agreement. "It might be easier to get Rachel to give up a solo than get service here tonight."

"Just slightly." Matt agreed reluctantly. Dear God he felt dirty agreeing with Sam about anything. This could all be so much easier if he was just a jerk. Or had a single visible flaw. Anything at this point. Matt wasn't picky. A slightly crooked third toe on the left foot would suffice. Was it that much to ask?

"Ye of little faith." Kurt sighed with a dramatic eye roll. "Watch and learn."

With that declaration, Kurt stood up and marched, well what passed for marching for Kurt in the middle of a crowded dinner up to the counter. As Kurt leaned over to talk with one of the waitress, Matt tried to keep himself from staring at Kurt (Because it was a little rude with Sam sitting right next to him after all. Not to mention just slightly obvious.) he quickly scanned the rowdy frat crowd. Lima Junior College attended to attract the Karofsky and Azimino's of the area. And Kurt was Kurt. He couldn't blend in if he tried. The last thing Matt wanted to do tonight was fight a group of drunken morons but if they started to mess with Kurt, he'd gladly accommodate their desire for blood.

"They look like they are going to start something?" Sam's quiet question startled Matt. Turning towards him, the serious glint in Sam's eyes took Matt by surprise. "They've been shooting looks at us since we walked in."

"I noticed." Matt nodded and gestured to the letterman jackets they both wore. "I was hoping these would keep them in line. But since Kurt decided to do whatever is he's doing? "

"Right drunk and likely redneck does not make a good combination."

"And since Kurt can't help being him, God help us if they say something and he says something back." Matt shook his head. "Number one, most of them wouldn't understand what he called them and number two, it would be just the excuse they would need."

"Sounds like that comes from experience."

"I was on the football team with him. And the seniors who tend to peak in high school end up sitting right over there." Matt pointed discretely at the group in question. "I'm sure Karofsky and Azmino have been on the acceptance list since birth."

"You never joined them?"

Even a deaf person could catch the edge in Sam's voice. Turning his head slowly to the side to look at him, Matt met his eyes straight on. "No. Did I stop them? No and I feel bad about that but the dumpster dives? Pee balloons? Lawn furniture on the roof? No."

"The name calling?"

"No." Matt said emphatically, raising his voice just slightly to get his point across. "Why the third degree? You think I'm lying? Did Kurt tell you I did something? Because I will straighten this out with him because he's mistaken."

"No." Sam said calmly. "He never said you participated in anything. But I also know he has a soft spot for everyone in glee with him. I've even heard him excuse Puck for the things he says."

"That's because Puck's an idiot. Have you ever actually listened to him?"

"I just can't figure you out. You've been on the team with him."

"For the two weeks he was there." Matt pointed out.

"You've been in glee with him almost all school year." Sam continued as if Matt hadn't spoken. "And now you two are practically glued at the hip. You have him watching Serenity and raving about how Newsies isn't a real musical. Why the sudden desire to get to know each other better?"

"What exactly are you getting at Anderson?" Matt leaned forwarded in his chair. So this swim freak thought he was going to intimidate him away from Kurt? That was rich. He might be Mr. Perfect Swim God but he was still a swim nerd. Yeah he might be in glee and football, but the keyword was football. Football in Ohio. Puck wouldn't need a good reason to toss Sam into the dumpster, a mediocre one would do.

"Honestly I don't think most of those Neanderthals have the brain power to come up with a plan to humiliate Kurt by befriending him first." Sam said quickly. "But that doesn't mean I haven't seen it happen before."

Suddenly Matt understood. As perfect as he was, Sam was still gay and living in small town Midwest America after all. "Someone did that to you."

"That's not important." Sam dismissed. Matt decided that was clearly agreement with his statement. "Kurt's important and I'm not going to let anyone hurt him."

"Neither am I." Matt promised. "I'm his friend."

The buzzing of his cell phone was a much needed distraction for both of them. Clicking on the envelope that indicated a new text message, he scanned the words on the screen quickly.

So whose is bigger? I'm dying to know – S

Looking around he found Santana and Brittany easily enough over at the far end of the counter. Santana favored him with a devilish smile as she mouthed out the word "wimp" in his direction.

"Alright, I'll have to teach a 13 year old how to properly apply mascara but we will get our food sometime before the next millennium." Kurt announced as he sat back down. "You two play nice?"

"Of course we did. I was just getting to know your friend better. Right Matt?"

"Right. And now I think we understand each other." Matt smiled.