Broken Spirit

Kai

I sat by my desk, the room illuminated by my dim lamp. It had been one hell of a day and I wasn't sure if anything would ever match up to the terror. I knew being a part of this team would have its ups and downs, but I don't think I ever quite expected all of the initial trauma. I assumed I would grow numb to the sight of murder. I assumed hurting someone without remorse would be something I'd have to grow used to—after all, an ex-Storm Hawk lacked remorse, so why couldn't I?

I held onto an old, ragged teddy bear (one I knew better than to take with me to the academy), crying softly into his fur. I was lucky the post-traumatic stress didn't cause blindness or the inability to speak. I closed my eyes and saw the blank, lifeless face of Elle, swinging back and forth. I gasped, my eyes shooting open.

"It's… only an illusion," I reassured myself, laughing nervously. I couldn't sleep, no matter how late it got. If I didn't see Elle behind my closed eyes, I saw a monster—one I could become, just like Dark Ace had. The burning question about the Chroma-Frost crystal combination continued to pester me.

So much was weighing on my shoulders that I was quick to question if it would become permanent insomnia. I lifted my eyes from my bear's fur, glancing around the dark room.

Knock knock. "…Kai…?" came a soft voice from behind me.

Yelping, I jumped from my chair, startled. Teddy bear in-hand, I was ready to attack.

Taking a step back, Aerrow looked quite worried. "You've… been crying… Is everything okay?"

I shook my head stepping backward. I sat down on my bed, hugging both my bear and my knees to my chest. "I'm afraid, Aerrow…"

Quietly—and carefully—Aerrow stepped through my room, taking a seat next to me. "You never told me what happened today."

"I've been trying to forget, myself."

"Hmm…"

I leaned over, resting my head on his shoulder. "Don't make me do that again…"

He laughed quietly. "I promise. You'll never have to go to the academy again."

"No," I corrected, "…Don't make me fight the Dark Ace again…"

He paused for a moment, wondering the reasoning behind it. Quietly, he responded, "…I promise, Kai. Never again."

I scooted backward, turning to lay down on my pillows. "How long do you think it'll be until I'm all healed?"

He glanced over his shoulder, sending me a soft smile. "You seemed fine when you chased Finn for an hour."

I rolled on my side, facing the wall. "Blame it on adrenaline."

"Well…" He rested a hand on my shoulder. "Kai… when you're ready to tell me what happened at the academy, I'll be ready to listen." Standing up, he headed toward the door.

As he grasped the door handle, I spoke up. "I screwed up."

Everything froze. The silence in the air was chilling as Aerrow came up with a million ways I could've screwed up.

"I had the best opportunity. I got to work with the Dark Ace himself," I laughed at myself. "And I screwed it up. I got too emotionally involved and he cut the training short. That… pretty much kicked off a downward spiral. From then on I got into more trouble. More cleaning, more cooking…"

The door handle clicked as Aerrow released it.

"The one person I trusted with our secret… the one person… I couldn't trust her. Aerrow… they hung her in front of me. They kicked her off a bridge and I watched her die." Even my teddy bear couldn't help hold back the tears anymore.

"They locked me up and beat me. They thought I had something to tell them and they were absolutely convinced I would say something if they continued to torture me. I know nothing about your… your tactics, your combat styles, your crystal supplies, your travel routes… That's all they wanted. They wanted to know if I was close enough to "that pretty-boy, red-headed Aerrow" to know his weaknesses.

"I knew nothing and they beat me until I couldn't even tell my left from my right. You want to know what I learned from the academy?" I rolled over, sitting up. "Aerrow, the only thing I learned at the academy is that the Dark Ace can't stand to see me cry. There were no fancy flying acts, no secret combat tricks…"

I closed my eyes. "All I saw down there was a bunch of kids forced into an academy that they don't even want to be in."

"Kai…"

"And all I want to do is sleep but I can't because every time I close my eyes I see the face of a girl that didn't have to die! She died because of me…"

Aerrow stepped forward, sitting down beside me once more. He wrapped his arms around me and spoke quietly, "I'm so sorry, Kai…"

"Please… don't leave…"

"I'm not going anywhere."