After so many mornings of waking up, cold and alone, today feels different. For some reason, I come to awareness with a smile on my face holding tightly onto Alex's pillow beside me. I have finally slept peacefully which I haven't done in a long while because of the empty space in the bed beside me. It's surreal that I am so content right now, filled with a warm feeling that I almost forget about the events of last night and the emotions that coursed through me like poison and honey. That seems like a blur. Something feels different as I lay here, my eyes closed hugging Alex's pillow for all it's worth. Her smell that I remember brings me peace, and from this I feel relaxed and I can only describe this as the reason for sleeping blissfully. Maybe I am dreaming and I feel this way because Alex forgave me. I can only hope that is not the case, but for now I am afraid to open my eyes and face reality.

I think of how I long for this pillow to be Alex next to me again. I close my eyes shut tightly, hoping that I go back to dreaming as I think about this feeling, how it relates to Alex and me and all that we have shared, the things that I missed. As I drift off into thought, the sound of another person causes me to jump. Startled, I open my eyes, trying to battle the tangle of sheets to sit up in bed and take in my surroundings. I can't sit up. My heart is beating out of my chest.

I look down to where I feel Alex's pillow is moving, to see that it isn't a pillow after all. Alex is holding me, protecting me. Is this really happening? It takes time to register what this is. It can't be real. But it is. I am overwhelmed by the feeling and what I see in front of me. Taking time to adjust and accept that this indeed is happening. Alex is here with me. Then it dawns on me, it's been two weeks. I need to take advantage of this. So I do, snuggling further into Alex as she pulls the quilt to cover us both. Neither of us speak and there doesn't seem to be a pressing need to do so. We both simply relax.

I feel myself slowly come to consciousness. A heavy weight rests on my chest as my arm feels frozen in place. I blink the sleep from my eyes, unsure of my surroundings. I look down and see a shock of blonde hair that could only belong to Piper. Piper! My arm is wrapped around her shoulder, holding her against my side. I slowly move my head, felling the tension in my neck from being in one position for two long.

I look towards the fire escape window and see the early rays of dawn peeking around the edges of the curtains. I need to move, to shift my body. I'm afraid the quilt pulled around the two of us will slip and the cold will wake Piper. I decide to suffer a bit longer, tempering my discomfort with the fullness of my heart. Piper.

I stay in the position that I am, looking down at a sleeping Piper. She has an arm wrapped around my waist, and my instinct to pull her tighter against my body so she knows I'm here. As I do, she stirs. Like she is thinking the same thoughts she tightens her grip around me, too. I take advantage of her movement and move ever so slightly to grasp the quilt. She stirs again under my touch, thrashing in the covers as if she's trying to sit up, but her body is tangled in the covers. I can't help but feel that she feels unsettled. I tighten my grip around her further and hold her so she knows she's safe. As I keep my eyes on Piper watching as she settles back down I realize she's somewhat awake and smiling at me faintly as she snuggles further into me. Damn I have missed this. I smile to myself as I watch Piper fall back into a light sleep, pulling the quilt up to where I know it won't slip. Using this moment to my advantage and making the most of the time I have, holding Piper for a bit longer so she can sleep some more.

I can't fall back to sleep. As I lay holding Piper, I close my eyes allowing myself to drift back to the events of the previous night. When I think of what occurred, there is a lot of negative energy and all I want is for us to get past this. I knew we will have to process everything, but I want to remain positive. I focus on our dance… the feeling of the embrace… finally having Piper close to me… to Piper asking me to stay. I've always known Piper and I are linked in ways unimaginable, connecting and understanding each other in ways I didn't think we're possible. I do not want any other woman, especially not a third in our relationship. I only want two – Piper and me.

On that thought, Piper begins to shift. As if she could sense my inability to sleep, she turns her head, burying further into my breast. I watch as she slips a single arm from beneath the blanket and stretches it outward stretching her own kinks from her body. As I watch her movement, she turns her head to look up at me, reaching to wipe the corner of her mouth and chin as she smiles at me shyly, hiding her head against me. "Ummm I think I drooled on you."

I smile to myself, as I chuckle, kissing her on the head. "It won't be the first and certainly won't be the last." I hope. She seems content, looking up to me with a sweet smile on her face. I stretch out my body, swivelling my head around to work out the crick in my neck. Turning to face her, "Good morning Pipes."

Sometimes the mind can be so cruel. I try to fight waking up so that I can return to my dream. I know once I reach full consciousness that I won't be wrapped in Alex's protective cocoon. I'll be alone. Again. Just that thought alone causes a stir in body, a pain in my chest as my heart begins to break all over again. Can I deal with the feeling of losing Alex again?

I shift my body, bracing myself for what is to come. The morning has approached and now it's time to come back to reality as my dream is over. The morning sunshine is beginning to seep through the curtains. I know once my eyes see that light, I'll be up for the day. My eyes are shut tight, breathing in deeply I slowly open my eyes, so that dreary awareness can erase the comfort of my dreams of Alex.

As my eyes flutter open, everything is a blur. I am sleepy, and not yet adjusted to the light seeping through the windows. It takes time to register where I am. Blinking, as I take in my surroundings. A look of confusion etched on my face as realisation hits me. I'm not where I thought I was. I'm not in my bed but on my couch. How, or why am I here? I squint my eyes, trying to remember the events of last night. I feel warmth, comfort. What is happening to me? I'm not alone. I turn my head slowly. My face is buried into what lays beside me, a person, holding me. Afraid to open my eyes, I inhale the scent deeply. No. My heart begins to race. Familiarity. A combination of alcohol, smoke, and exhaust, Alex?

It can't be. I'm sleeping. Dreaming. About Alex.

I slowly open my eyes, taking time to adjust. Keeping myself from going into shock. I shrug the blanket from my shoulder and extend my arm out. Through the corner of my eye, I see beside me the familiar colours of a tattoo on the arm that holds me. The smell of Alex, combined with the tattoo… I can't be dreaming, it's all true. As I grin, I feel the corners of my mouth crack. Somehow I don't mind that I drooled on Alex. What I heard next was music to my lonely ears. "Good morning Pipes." It's happening. This is Alex. She is here. My heart leaps with joy unimaginable.

Alex. And me. Just two.

"Alex." It feels so long since I have heard that voice, I almost feeling strange from seeking pleasure out of the blissful sound. It brings joy to my ears to hear the sound of Piper's morning voice. God I've missed it so much.

"How are you here? Why are you here?"

I take a deep breath as I hear those words. This question should be unnecessary. I take a deep breath and focus. Thinking of the happier times – last night, the dancing and Piper asking me to stay. "Piper…" I turn to look Piper in the eyes, looking between her lips and eyes, but I know that I can't do it. I place my hand upon the side of her face as she looks at me, "The question should be, why were we ever gone? How am I here… we can talk about that later." I watch her eyes fall from me, and I can see that she is thinking the worse. I guide her face to look back at me, "Why am I here? I love you Piper. Can we concentrate on that for now?"

She nods at me softly. Smiling faintly. "I've missed you Al."

"I've missed you too." I run my finger across her lips, looking back at her eyes. "More than you know." It feels so good, enjoying the warmth, the smell and the comfort of Piper. I hold just a little longer. As Piper lays with me, it gives me the reassurance that I need. But I know that eventually we have to get up and prepare for the events of today.

We lay in silence for some time. I watch Piper as she settles into my touch. Her eyes are closed and her face nuzzled into my chest. I smile, running my hand across her arm wrapped around me. "Piper?"

"Hmmm?"

"I love you."

We finally move ourselves from the couch, as I enter the kitchen needing coffee to prepare me for the day ahead, and Alex heads to the shower to rinse away the smells of the club. Apparently we had coffee last night, so I poured the dregs of what was remaining in the pot down the drain, starting a fresh pot. I walk into the living room to retrieve the dirty mugs and pause as my eyes fall upon the mug that sits on the table in front of where Alex had sat. The precious white Berlin mug with the crack. How drunk had I been? Did I actually take the mug off of the souvenir shelf where I had safely kept it for the last two weeks and shove it in Alex's face?

I gather both cups and return to the kitchen, examining the Berlin mug for additional damage as I gently wash the precious keepsake. I place the mug back safely on my Alex shelf. I return to the coffee, thinking back to last night. I shake my head at what I can only imagine my actions were last night.

I almost forget that I am not alone in the apartment. The sound of the shower turning off brings me back to reality, knowing Alex will soon be ready. My body fills with this warmth as Alex's name crosses my mind, realising that Alex is really in my apartment. She stayed through my brattiness last night. Those actions remind of how much she loves me.

I pop the tray of biscuits in the oven. I don't know how long I have been staring out the kitchen window, but I am startled when I feel her strong arms wrap around me. Her wet hair is cold but I don't care. I smile to myself, turning in her embrace with a wide grin on my face. "You smell like me."

Alex chuckles, smirking at me. A content silence envelopes us as we look into each other's eyes. I follow her eye movement as she flicks between my eyes and my lips. I want to kiss her so much. I bite down on my lip as she arches her eyebrow at me. I smile shyly. Looking to her lips and then her eyes as we both move closer naturally. I have missed the feeling of this.

Alex's lips are upon mine as she kisses me lovingly. As she murmurs into my mouth. "Your products. Your clothes. I wonder why?" She pecks me on the lips, moving back as she speaks to me through a smirk. "I love smelling like you. It makes me happy." Her arms around me squeeze again, moving to poking me playfully. "I even left you hot water. Scram."

"Don't let the biscuits burn."

She looks to me with a serious look, followed by a playful grin. Kissing me one last time before she turns and leaves the room. I smile to myself, watching as she leaves as I move to looking around the kitchen The biscuits were just where they needed to be and the coffee was almost brewed. It's not even weird at how normal this feels as I take ingredients from the refrigerator, putting the butter and jam on the table and slicing the strawberries. Like I have not been away from our routine. Making breakfast for Piper whilst she takes a shower.

I set the table, arranging the breakfast for when Piper is done. Turning back to retrieve the coffee mugs, I glance up at the corner shelf, the Berlin mug sits where I always had placed it when Piper and I would play our games. Emotion hits me as I walk to the mug and run my thumb across the hairline crack as tears form in my eyes. The mug is so precious. I continue to run my finger along the embossed design. It dawns on me that Piper must have washed it just this morning and put it there. Carefully. I smile to myself; I think this means more to me than the dance, or Piper asking me to stay.

The sound of Piper finishing pulls me back from my thoughts. I wipe my eyes and retrieve mugs, pouring the coffee as I wait at the table for Piper.

I watch as Piper appears in the kitchen, she astounds me. So beautiful, fresh faced and her hair still wet. I smile as she nears me, not knowing how much she affects me. As we sit, my knee immediately touches Piper's. We focus on the present, not venturing into last night. Or the past two weeks. We talk as if we haven't been apart, continuously sharing small touches that mean more than realised. We both are needy for affection, refusing to go without any form of contact.

We need to talk. But not now, or here. Right now, I am too content and want to enjoy the moment for what it is.

We decide to go for a walk to the park that Alex and I love so much, a place with have ventured to together many times before. We are yet to talk about last night, and this may be the perfect place to do so. We can talk calmly. Can we get past this? I fall back to Alex asking if we can, it pains me to replay it in my mind. We have to get past this. The past two weeks have been painful, and now that I have her here beside me, I refuse to let her go, to live another day without her.

We walk, shoulder to shoulder, our fingers entwined through the park. We stop as we find our tree, settling on the grass facing each other. It all seems sweet. I look at Alex, in my ragged Smith t-shirt and sweat pants that are a tiny bit short. Her ebony hair flows down her back, pulled away from her face by the black glasses. She looks like… Alex. I take in all of the glorious sight, staring intently as I savour what I have missed out on for two weeks.

"Pipes."

She breaks my trance, and my face is flushed as I think it's because she has caught me staring. I scoot closer; our knees are touching. She continues to look at me with a soft expression. "Yeah Al?"

"What happened?"

The sound of voice, it's doesn't sound like the usually raspy Alex Vause, but softer and more gentle. To hear it, those simple words causes a pain to shoot through my chest. My eyes lock with her own, I am taken by how her green eyes are like precious gems sparkling in the sunlight. "Green." But my answer confuses her as the look on her face shifts to bewilderment. "Your eyes are green. Beautiful." I take her hand, moving back her hair from her face. "But what happened between us? Green. Jealous. I got jealous."

I let silence touch my answer for a few moments before placing my hand on Alex's knee. "Alex I love you. The thought of another woman even as much as touching you drove me insane. I admit that the green-eyed monster got the best of me."

Alex chuckles. "The green-eyed monster, huh?" She leans forward until her forehead touches mine. "I thought I was the green-eyed monster." She presses her lips against mine then rocked back to sit on the ground. "Piper my mother used to tell me that jealousy only eats at your beauty. Have faith in yourself because you've got something that other people don't."

Her words make me smile. Almost. "Do I have you Alex?" I keep my eyes on Alex, as she nods. I feel the butterflies in my stomach and the smile spread on my face. A vibration from her pocket breaks the silence. I look down to Alex's pocket and then back at her; she doesn't move. Ignoring her phone.

"Alex?" Our eyes lock. But I look to the floor as I prepare the question at follows, looking back up to Alex as I swallow the lump in my throat and start to speak. "Does someone else have you, too?"

I know then that I made the wrong move as I feel Alex pull back from me. Her body fidget as she frowns, shaking her head at me. But there goes her phone again. I feel the jealousy rising within me, having to grit my teeth. I feel the resentfulness begin and evident in the sound of my voice. "Just fucking check the messages Al."

For Piper and me to finally to be talking is a relief. I can't express the happiness that I am feeling at this very moment, our shared eye contact to be interrupted by the vibrations from phone. But I choose to ignore it. It's not the right moment to respond to my phone. I keep my attention on piper, wanting her to know that this is what is important to me, but then it goes again. I see the irritation etched on her face and how she quickly changes as she tells me to check it. To keep the peace, I pull out my phone.

Nicky.

Nicky: Vause are you okay? Are you with Piper? Did you two talk?

Nicky: You need to make things right Alex. I'm tired of putting up with your bullshit.

I look to Piper, and I see it in her face that things are going to end badly. She is ignoring me. I type of a quick message, pressing send.

Alex: Talking now

I move my phone out of sight, "It was Nicky, Pipes. She wanted to know if we are talking." I realize that while I was checking my phone that Piper had edged back slightly, no longer touching my knees. I scoot forwards, reconnecting and placing my hand on her knee, ignoring her glare. "I love you Piper. I have been miserable without you. Two weeks of my life. Lost. Do you know how empty I am without you?"

I can sense that she is not accepting my words, only becoming more infuriated as she moves back from me again. But I have to try my best to win Piper's trust back, so I continue. My eyes fixed on hers. "I love you Piper. I want to be with you." I reach over to touch her cheek. "And only you. Period."

Her face moves from the contact of my hand. "If you were so miserable then why the fuck did you not contact me for two weeks Alex?!"

Just as I go to answer, my phone buzzes again. Piper's eyes fall to my pocket but I choose to ignore it. Trying to be reassuring, whilst be honest. "Piper I thought you wanted time – space. I was trying to respect you. But I thought of you – every minute of every day."

Another vibration comes from Alex's pocket, but she sits there ignoring it. She might, but I can't. It's driving me insane. My emotions are controlled by my jealousy. I feel myself becoming unglued. Hold it together Piper. She loves you. You love her. Hold it fucking together. Mind over matter. But I can't. All I can see is Alex spinning on the dance floor as she kisses that red-head under the changing lights. My eyes glaze over in a red haze and all I can hear is vibrating.

"READ YOUR FUCKING MESSAGES." My voice is sharp, and probably not necessary but the jealousy provokes me. Pushing me to continue, "Some bitch apparently wants your attention more than you want to talk to me."

To my surprise, Alex stays calm. Her voice at a lower tone than my own, shaking her head. "No Piper. We came here to talk. About us. This," she pats her pocket. "This isn't important."

"Well I can't concentrate on us with some fucking side piece blowing up your phone."

I see Alex's facial expression change slightly. As she reaches into her pocket pulling out her phone angrily. "That's easily solved." She cocks her arm, about to throw her phone into the lake. But I stop her, grabbing her arm to prevent it.

"Don't."

There is a small part of me feeling guilty. But then there is the jealousy. Alex shouldn't have to throw away her phone, but I want her to read her messages. I need her to. "Just read your text messages. Don't keep her waiting. We can go back to the apartment so you can get your things and leave."

She looks up at me in shock. Looking between her phone and me, she finally unlocks it nervously. As she reads the messages, I get up and walk away. I feel her hand grasp my arm gently, causing me to stop. I look over my shoulder and she has that look in her eyes. "Please Pipes. Don't leave."

"Let's talk about this."

I feel guilty looking at Alex. Giving into her, knowing that she has also made time for me. I feel annoyed at myself for giving in. But a part of me cares, but one that I refuse to show. I throw myself back to the grass, leaving distance so that we cannot make contact.

Why is this happening? I thought that by coming to the park, Piper and I would be able to talk. While Piper is still causing a scene, I'm thankful it's small. I am able to keep my cool, staying calm. I can deal with it. We need to have this talk, and it needs to happen now. If Piper hadn't stopped me, I would not have this god damn phone knowing how it is effecting Piper and my talking. It'd be sunken at the bottom of the lake.

I'm humiliated, following orders as Piper insists I check my messages. But I have nothing to hide. They are all from Nicky. As I read the first two, I realise what is happening.

Thankfully I don't have to do much convincing for Piper to stay. She may be distant and angry with me but she is here, and that's progress. She slumps her body to the grass, avoiding looking at me. I allow her a couple of seconds of awkward silence before she gets uncomfortable and I speak.

"Look at me Pipes. Take my phone. Let me explain."

"I don't want your phone." She snarls at me, beyond livid.

"Piper, you asked why I didn't contact you for two weeks. So let me explain… I wanted to. So bad. I'm being honest when I tell you this."

She rolls her eyes and scoffs. I keep my cool, holding up my phone to Piper as I continue. "These. These are all from Nicky. I leaned on her a lot the last two weeks. I was falling apart and crushed that I couldn't talk to you." I take a pause, gulping at the emotions that I am revealing. "There was so much I had to say. Nicky agreed that giving you space was best. To keep me from texting you, I texted her. I sent her whatever I was wanting to say to you." I look from my lap and up to Piper. "She kept all of the texts and has been sending them to me just now. That's what's been blowing up my phone – two weeks of messages."

I push my phone closer to Piper. Indicating for her to take it. "Please. I want you to read them."

She pushes the phone away, shaking her head as she refuses my plea. "I don't want to read them. You didn't send them to me."

My heart is breaking. "Piper I wanted to give you space."

She doesn't answer me. It appears she is hurting just as much as I. Not knowing what to do, I unlock my phone. Pulling up the first of many as I begin to read aloud.

Nicky: I bet you two fuckers STILL aren't talking. Tell her how you feel Vause. In case you don't remember, let me refresh your memory with all those texts you sent me.

I am torn as I want to read, wanting to know what Alex was feeling in the time we apart and the texts that she says she wanted to send to me. My heart hurts too much. The pain is all too much. More importantly, I think I want to remain stubborn and to not give in to Alex. She pleads with me, as I refuse, shaking my head. Mulishness wins yet Alex moves her body to sit next to me. Close.

Her voice is low. To hear her pain is tearing me apart, but it's all too much to comprehend right now. I have to remain strong; I will not give in. I fight my urge to look at her, acting as if I have no interest. I feel Alex lean in, her head resting upon my shoulder.

"I love you Pipes."

I feel bad for ignoring it. We sit, silently. As Alex breaks the silence by making a suggestion. Now we sit back-to-back, leaning against each other. As my own phone pings, Alex is sending the texts to me. I know that I have no intention to respond. The intent is to read. Alex asks this of me. She wants me to know her feelings during the time we were separated. It's important to Alex. I need to make it important to me. I feel Alex's shoulders move as she forwards a text.

Fwd: Nicky: Fwd: Alex: Piper I don't know what happened, but I love you. Know without a doubt that I love you. I'm here when you are ready to talk.

Pause

Fwd: Nicky: Fwd: Alex: Piper I've never gone three days without talking to you. My heart is breaking. I miss you so much. I love you.

Pause

Fwd: Nicky: Fwd: Alex: I'm so sorry Piper. Can we please talk? I want to make it right. God I miss you. I love you.

As I wait for the next text to follow, I feel the movement of Alex against me. It feels as though her shoulders are shaking. The silence is broken by the sound of a muffled sob. I feel my heart clench. Alex. My Alex is crying. I move around to Alex's side, her phone is in her lap. She has her hands over her face as she attempts to hide the stream of tears.

"I can't. I can't read them anymore Pipes. I missed you so much. I've been such a wreck the last two weeks. I don't want to relive that anguish. I just want to make everything better."

I feel my own tears well up with the realisation of something … I have never, ever seen Alex Vause cry.