"Boy have you lost your damn mind?" Mercedes announced as she swung open the door to Kurt's room he was sharing with Artie. Looking up from where he sat on the bed with his phone pressed to his ear, Kurt shot her a confused look as to how she was even able to get in here in the first place. The door locked when Artie left the room. And he was positive about that because he checked when they came back from the show.

"And don't think you can get out of this by pretending to be on the phone. Do I look like a fool to you?" Mercedes rolled her eyes as she grabbed the phone out of his hand.

"Cedes…."

"Don't you Cedes me." Mercedes warned. "I told you we were talking about this."

"Talking about what?" An amused voice came through the line and into Mercedes's ear. She fixed her best "oh no you are not doing this" face on her best friend, who appropriately grimaced.

"Oh hello Sam." She said slowly, drawling out the name as long as she could. "Didn't realize he was talking to you."

"Who else would he be talking to?" Sam laughed.

"Good point. Who else would he be talking if not his boyfriend?" Mercedes shook her head as Kurt closed his eyes. "Sam can he call you back?"

"Are you going to let him survive?"

"Haven't decided yet."

"And if I say no, then you're coming after me next, right?"

"Pretty much." Mercedes agreed with a smile that chilled Kurt's blood. Oh he knew that smile. That was the smile she used before she jammed the knife into someone's back. And this time it was aimed at him.

"Then tell I'll hopefully talk to him later."

"Good choice Sam." Mercedes said in a sing-song voice as she hung up the phone. "You…you are in so much trouble Hummel."

"I didn't do anything Mercedes." Kurt pointed out. "And how did you get in here anyway?"

"I took Artie's key when he went to see Tina. Not like he'll need it for awhile." Mercedes shrugged. "You really didn't think hiding in this room would work did you?"

"I hoped." Kurt mumbled under his breath.

"Yeah well you hoped wrong." Mercedes plopped down on the bed next to him and reached out to smack the back of his head. "Are you crazy? We talked about this."

"And I've been following the plan."

"Oh I don't think so. Following the plan meant no more practices at your place."

"The choir room was booked and you know Mr. Schue wants to see everything now. That's Puck and Artie's fault."

"Yeah and I'm sure watching a movie is so relative to your practice." Mercedes crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back. "Sam told me he saw you two watching Hairspray."

"We were debating on choreography?" Kurt attempted.

"Yeah you so need to work on better excuses to sell yourself. Kurt what the hell are you thinking? Matt's straight."

"I know." Kurt groaned as he fell backwards across the bed covering his face with his hand. The slight shift on the bed let him know Mercedes had followed his lead. "I keep reminding myself of that very fact every day. Every time I see him. And I also remind myself I have a boyfriend so you don't have to repeat yourself there."

"Then you also know that you need to get over this. The last time I saw that look on your face tonight? You had completely missed the fact Finn somehow tripped over both feet while standing still."

"I'm trying." He promised her. "Today is the first time in two days I've really talked to him outside of glee. And even today it wasn't much. I spent more time talking to his sister than him."

"Yeah but most of us spent more time talking to the waiters than Matt."

"I keep telling you he's shy."

"Ok see? You really need to stop defending him anytime someone points out he doesn't talk a lot. I don't think you even know you're doing it half the time. It's just a fact Kurt. No one in glee means anything by it when we say it."

"I don't automatically do it do I?" Kurt looked over at her with a questioning gaze.

Nodding her head sadly, Mercedes let out a sigh. It really was hard to stay mad at him when he looked as pathetic as a puppy dog waiting to be chewed out for messing up the rug. "I know you're trying but you've got to do something else. Because big surprise here, your plan isn't working."

"I know. And I'm probably getting worse right?"

"Well you haven't serenaded him in front of the entire club yet so I think we still have hope."

"Ha. Ha."

"Kurt you're my boy. You know that. And I haven't told Sam anything about that situation. But you have to admit it's similar and you didn't swear everyone else to secrecy like you did me. It's entirely possibly Sam might mention something and someone will make a joke about that and you're in a worse mess than you are now. Do you really want that?"

"No." Kurt admitted sitting up. "It would also probably help if Matt wasn't single and just around to hang out with."

"Maybe…." Mercedes agreed as she stood up. "Didn't seem to help so much with Finn."

"That was different." Kurt protested. "That was more about Rachel than Finn."

"And Quinn."

"I never once attempted to sabotage Quinn." Kurt defended himself. "I kept the baby secret remember? I could have just as easily told."

Mercedes shrugged her shoulders, all the recognition of his point he knew he was ever going to get from her. "Besides my new plan is brilliant and helping me get over this is just a side benefit of it."

"Why does this scare me?"

"Because you have no vision. " Kurt shook his head. "I'm going to set up Quinn and Matt and then everything will get back to normal."

"That's your plan?" Mercedes asked unblinking.

"Yes."

With a groan she threw herself back against the bed. "You are so hopeless."

"I am not."

"You are too but you are far too hopeless to hear me right now. So tell me about this brilliant plan so I can prepare myself for the fallout."

"Your confidence is overwhelming. Please stop."

"Just hit me."

Sliding down against the hallway wall, Matt looked down at his phone. Mercedes had knocked on his and Mike's door twenty minutes ago, agitated and muttering something about "that fool boy". It took Mike about ten minutes to even get her to stop talking under her breath. Figuring some sort of fight might be brewing or some other couple thing he had no experience with, Matt had made an excuse of seeing what Puck was up and left the room.

And he had gone down to Puck and Finn's room. He had just left when he found Puck trying to figure out how to unscramble the porn channel. Matt had gleamed that Finn and Rachel were hanging out in her room, which meant Tina was most likely hiding in Kurt and Artie's room. There was always the option of going and finding Quinn, Santana and Brittany but he had overheard Mr. Hummel talking about "room checks" and "no more teenage pregnancies if I can help it." It was probably a better option to stay out here and out of trouble. Which left him sitting in the hallway wondering how many games of Tetris it took before he officially fried his brain.

"Lose your room too?" Kurt's voice asked from his left. Looking over, Matt couldn't help but smile as he noticed the amused look on Kurt's face.

"Yeah Mercedes came to see Mike. Didn't exactly want to be an audience."

"Same here." Kurt nodded as he sat down next to him. "There's really only so much happy couple you can take when your boyfriend's out of town."

"Yeah I'll take your word on that one."

"Sorry. I know I keep telling you I'll find you a great girl and I've been slacking. But that's all about to change."

"It is?"

Kurt nodded and placed his hand on Matt's forearm. "I know the perfect girl for you. And you already know her so we don't even have to worry about your shyness. Although trust me, the girls eat that stuff up."

"The perfect girl? You know the perfect girl for me?"

"Quinn."

Matt coughed to try to cover his laugh. "Quinn? You think Quinn is the perfect girl for me?"

"It's so blindingly obvious I'm surprised it's taken me this long to realize it."

"Well that's cause it's a crazy idea."

"It's not crazy. She's wonderful. You're great. It's so perfect Hallmark could have come up with it."

"Quinn is wonderful. I don't want to date her."

"Give me one good reason why not."

"I don't like her like that?"

"Because she's always dated one of your friends and unlike Puck, you respect that."

"And that's the other thing. Puck. I'm not dealing with Puck over something like this. He's a little scary and he owns nun-chucks."

"Puck is too busy chasing Santana's perfectly tone ass to even notice if someone was dating Quinn."

"He'd notice. Trust me he'd notice."

"You're being ridiculous." Kurt declared as he stood up. "You two are perfect for each other. I know it and soon you will."

As the other boy turned and started back down the hall, Matt lowered his head onto his knees. It would have been far too easy to just give Kurt the perfectly honest and logical answer that he didn't want to date Quinn because he was gay. But of course he didn't and now Kurt was on a matchmaking mission to fix him up with the former cheerleader. Dear God Leah had been right. He did apparently love misery.