Whatever you do, Yuu, just remember this, Guren repeats the usual mantra in Yuu's head. No matter how hard it gets, no matter how bleak things look- live. Lick the dust and survive, damn anyone who says otherwise. Just because you have nothing to live for now doesn't mean you won't in the future. Eventually you'll find something to live for- but if you don't live in the first place then you've quit before you've even begun.
Lick the dust- and that's exactly what he's been doing for the past four years, ever since Guren died and left him like this. Surviving off of nothing but scraps and the bare minimum. He has no home, no family. Nobody is willing to offer a job to somebody without an address, much less somebody without work experience who barely completed high school, and at 18, he's only able to live on his own legally at the bare minimum.
He'd technically been in the care of Guren's brother, Kureto, ever since his father's death, but after walking in to his new "home" to find the older man living in his own feces and booze, Yuu had turned and not looked back. An easy thing to do at the time- but that left him here. Standing alone in the cold window of the nearby liquor store hugging himself with his arms in nothing but holey jeans, a hoodie, and some sneakers. It's probably the most he's had to his name in a good few months, so he's got that to be grateful for.
The sky has already been burned black and and blue with the fading sunset and the city air fills with the usual sleazy miasma that settles over it at this hour. He glances at a TV playing football in the corner of the room where the time is displayed in bold, white font. Nine o clock. The city is only just waking up.
The sky is such a beautiful color before night time, just at that thin stretch of time between dusk and twilight. Thousands of artists have wasted away trying to capture the brilliance of the reds and oranges and purples as daytime slowly creeps back into dusk but Yuu hasn't seen it pulled off right yet, and hasn't tried it himself.
He honestly doesn't want to, though- just like when you ride a ride at the theme park for the first time, pain't img something loses that magical feeling to it once it's been dissected and replicated onto a canvas. What was once new and undiscovered becomes dull and bleak, he's analyzed it to a point of no longer seeing that brief intermittent period between day and night and instead sees the strokes of the brush or the different hues mapped out. It's not the same.
He'd much rather paint the sky during the day, anyways. Where it burns with a brilliant uncontested blue that's so clear it's painful to look at. He wishes he were able to capture that color and lock it away- the iridescent blue that defies any mixture of paint he's ever found.
"Hey boy, it's closing time. You're going to have to go." The voice behind him is soft and quiet, a sound he's grown used to in the past few years. Yuu turns and nods to the shopkeeper of the liquor store, avoiding looking directly at the soft blue eyes the man dons that seem to watch his every move.
"Right, sorry," he excuses himself in a quiet voice, shuffling towards the door and turning away.
"Oy, wait up." The shopkeeper calls out to him again and Yuu flinches, knowing exactly what he's going to say. He says it every time. "Don't forget to tell your parents hi, alright kid?"
My parents. He has none. He's never had them- the ones he had when he was little had tried to kill him and eventually his mother committed suicide. He feels sick just thinking of those parents- those aren't the parents that he tells the shopkeeper about in the hours he spends holed up in this liquor store, the only place that lets somebody like himself in for hours without questioning it.
The only parents he tells the shopkeeper of are Guren and Mahiru. Of course he never met Mahiru, Guren only ever told him stories of her, but he always seemed infatuated with the memories of her, as if them alone were enough to keep his love alive in those years after her death.
Interestingly, Guren never mentioned how she died. Perhaps that was normal, though. He can't help but get the feeling her death was much uglier than her life. He shakes those thoughts off like annoying flies.
"Yeah. Sure." His words are clipped just as they always are.
This has been a recurring game: Yuu spends all of his free hours lounging around the liquor store while the shopkeeper pretends not to notice, and sometimes Yuu tells him about Guren and Mahiru, his supposed parents, to kill time. Then Yuu leaves at closing time and the shopkeeper tells him to say hi to his parents.
It's been like this for three years. He doesn't even know the shopkeeper's name.
Both of them know he's lying but neither have the desire to point it out. It's always painful to spit out these words and he has a sick feeling the shopkeeper knows it. Yuu's fingers wrap around the cold handle of the door to the liquor store, preparing himself for the blast of icy air outside as he tenses to flee the store. I'll need somewhere to stay tonight again. The thought is fleeting- a distraction.
"I almost forgot," the shopkeeper says suddenly which catches Yuu off guard, because they rarely speak more than a few exchanged words on his fake parents and him telling Yuu to say hi to them. He tenses as something crumpled and papery is pressed into his palm. "For the company."
His fingers clench around the bills before snapping open and the dollars tumble to the floor inelegantly. Yuu closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He doesn't want sympathy or pity. He definitely doesn't want to take money from somebody who's licking the dust just like him.
"Thank you," he says aloud so that the shopkeeper can hear him, nudging the bills away with a toe as he opens the door with a low ting of the bells on it, wincing at the frigid air that bites at his skin. "But I'm fine."
He doesn't turn around as he quickly slips out and shuts the door behind him, afraid to see those knowing pale blue eyes watching his every move.
The city is finally awake. It's been awake for a good few hours now as the night descends onwards, and Yuu simply sits with his back against the wall of a corner of the club as he listens to the sounds of the city all around him. Slurred voices singing the lyrics to some eccentric song that is being poured over through the massive speakers. Voices chattering endlessly, people shouting over one another. Soft whispers and moans hidden in the darker parts of the club. He hears it all.
It's not just the sounds. It's the smells- the smell of musk and hormones, the smell of desire and freedom. And the sight- bright flashing colors blending with pale bodies, all packed into one space. The taste of the liquor in his hands.
He's pretty sure the bartender knows he's a minor: he's pretty sure the bartender doesn't care. He's pretty sure he's not the only drinking minor in this cesspit of beauty that makes up the city's night creatures.
He's not sure why he always gets a little drunk before his escapades. Maybe because it takes the edge off. He likes to think that his drunk self is somebody other than his sober self, that the person he is in class is somebody completely different than the Yuu who lets himself because this nocturnal predator. Or at least, he wishes it was true.
The alcohol burns his throat in the nicest way as he finishes it off in one big gulp. He needs it tonight- he can't say why specifically. It just feels as if tonight is one of the worse nights, where the city noise can't drown out the sounds of his own thoughts. He can feel the rising pressure in his temple but it's numbed by the liquor at least a little bit.
His thoughts have reached a defeaning volume. He needs distraction.
He gets to his feet, legs stiff from being crouched against a wall for so long. A few people shift away as they realize he's there, that he's been there to hear all the private conversations they think they're having. He ignores them as he dips through the crowd, abandoning the cheap cup as he moves along the edges of the crowd with his eyes skimming the lone faces among the clubgoers.
After a good few minutes he begins to grow tired of searching. He's prepared to go to another bar or club to find somebody worth spending his time on. He can't deny the fact he's a little disappointed though- this club usually reels him in a lot of possible suspects of the more privileged financially that pay extra for his services. The fact that he hasn't found any yet is not the most promising thing.
He turns towards the exit, running a hand through already messy hair as he starts to leave. Coming here was a mistake. He ought to be disgusted with himself- and he is, thoroughly. But it's not that- he just feels worse than usual tonight. He can't get thoughts of Guren or the shopkeeper from his head. Perhaps if he can find someplace quieter to catch an hour or two of rest before-
Just before he pushes through the doorway, he sees them.
Brilliant blue eyes. Just like the sky, clear and gentle.
His feet seem to move him without the consent of his brain- one moment the teen is aiming to slide through the door and the next he's headed right for these eyes that draw him in like a gravitational pull has been enforced between them. Just like the specific shade of the sky, he wants to lock the one holding these eyes away. It's the strangest feeling- Yuuichidou has never wanted. He's needed, but he knows better than to want things in a life where necessity is greedy on its own. But these eyes... he wants them more than he wants the air he breathes.
It takes him several seconds to tear his gaze from those eyes and focuses on the man who bears them, and the result takes his breath away.
He's beautiful. For a moment Yuu is convinced that he's officially died, that an angel from heaven has come down to pluck him out of this hellish existence and bring him somewhere light and warm- but that's a child's dream. Just like his eyes, all of the other man is something of a rare beauty that entrances him and draws him even closer.
Living in a world like this, he supposed he should have known to be afraid of the beautiful things- because they were designed to lure in prey like him.
Soft blonde hair unfurls around a narrow but pale face that holds those sky blue eyes. His hair seems wild and unruly even though everything else about him is neat, and entices Yuu to run his fingers through it to see if it's as soft as it looks. He's dressed formally but not excessively so. He makes Yuu feel like something of a slob in his torn jeans and hoodie, but he doesn't care. He looks to be both as sharp as a knife and as silky as water.
Exactly what he needs to forget himself.
"Hey." His own voice is quiet compared to the plethora of noises around them but it comes out plenty loud on his own ears. It doesn't matter how quiet he speaks, he doesn't need to catch the attention of the blonde-
Because he's been watching him, too.
Those careful blue eyes had followed him here neger leave him. They hold a predatory look Yuu is all too familiar with.
He reaches out with a hand and wraps his thin artist's fingers around the sleeved wrist of the other man, surprised to not find a watch there like he would have thought. Usually men like him don watches... unless he's the type to bring a pocket watch.
The blonde doesn't flinch or react in any way. Instead those careful blue eyes regard him, clear yet lacking emotion at the same time. Like glass. It almost frightens him.
His fingers creep up the man's wrist until they hook around his elbow and he pulls himself closer to the blonde, until there's hardly a whisper of space between their bodies. It's exactly this kind of closeness that Yuu craves, the familiarity of two human bodies against one another. Erasing any barriers and simply letting them become two physical creatures, nothing more than contact between flesh. No room for secrets.
"Let's run away." The words roll off of his tongue like sweet water with phrases he's used time and time again to sneak people away into the shadows. He glances up through his lashes to see those impassive blue eyes watching him steadily. Unlike with the shopkeeper, Yuu is able to look these people in the eyes, because they know exactly who he is. They love people like him: desperate people. "You and me, hm? Let's go somewhere nothing can find us."
They love lines like this. Things that make them feel special, like they've been pulled right out of a Shakespearen play or a dramatic novel. Anything to make them escape reality, to go into a totally fictitious life if only for a few hours. Those blue eyes never leave his. When the blonde finally speaks its in a voice even quieter than his own, but Yuu hears him anyways.
"Ichi mou shuu wo hiku."
Yuu just stares at him blankly for a moment. It's not hard to tell that he's speaking Japanese, but Yuu doesn't have a clue as to what he's saying. The blonde seems to realize this and his mouth twitches as if Yuu's expression is amusing to him. He feels a little mocked.
"Speak whatever language you want," he says after regaining his composure, having to take a moment to stifle the rising scowl that would ruin his chances. I need those art supplies. He sets his jaw before a smile creeps onto his face and he reaches up to whisper in the blonde's ear, "You'll only be able to scream my name by the end of the night."
He starts to pull back when suddenly cool fingers press against the small of his back. Ah, I got to him. That was easier than I thought.
"Wait," the blonde says quietly, this time in English. Yuu is surprised to find that the other man's breathing seems to have accelerated suddenly and inexplicably and he wonders if maybe the blonde is more sensitive than he lets on. Yuu stays still as the fingers in his back tighten ever so slightly. "You-"
"Oy, have you already found yourself a friend, hmm~?" The voice that interrupts them is honey smooth and sends a shiver down Yuu's spine.
He doesn't know how, or even when, it happened, but he's suddenly a good foot away from the blonde and the fingers against his spine leave only their ghosts in their wake. His hand, which had been wound around the blonde's arm, is suddenly empty and at his side. The movement is so fast that he blinks and it's over.
"Ahaha, we caught him by surprise Lacus-kun," chimes in another person. Yuu sneaks a look around the blonde who's standing in front of him like a predator defending its kill with a tense shoulders, and sees a man with dark blue-black hair like the dusk sky strewn messily into a bun with a coy smile on his lips. His eyes are a strange red, but it doesn't really concern Yuu. People who come here are always eccentric and strange, with oddly dyed hair and contacts that change their eye color and skin tight clothing. However he notices they are dressed just like the blonde, impeccable.
They are beautiful as well. Yuu wonders idly if he'll have more than one person to share a bed with tonight and immediately grows anxious, fingers picking at a ratty hole in his hoodie. He's never done more than one person at a time- with one person it's intimate and close, it makes him feel safe if even for a minute. But with more than that... despite the extra payment, would it really be worth it? He would only feel suffocated. Afraid.
His brreath hitches in his throat against his will.
"I'm honestly surprised," remarks the other one, a male with longer purple hair in a similar style to the one before. Lacus, Yuu recalls the other calling him. What a weird name. "Mikaela never brings home any visitors. Maybe he's had a shift of heart?"
Mikaela. Mikaela. Mikaela. The name repeats itself in his head until it's threadbare, but the constant mantra gives Yuu something to focus on aside from the sound of his own heart pounding in his throat. The blonde- Mikaela- seems unwilling to budge.
Yuu can only pray he isn't one for sharing.
"You're wrong." Mikaela's voice is no longer the soft tone in his ear, it's now more icy and frigid and makes Yuu shiver a little at how... lonely it sounds. "I've repeated myself plenty of times as it is. I'm uninterested in the little game you all play."
Yuu is confused. Confused and weary. The alcohol has settled in his system and now with the dull buzz of adrenaline he simply want to creep away to some dark corner and sleep this drunken stupor away.
I need the money. I can't do this now. He straightens slightly and sidesteps around Mikaela, and for a moment he swears those sky blue eyes are staring right through him. He ignores them, prepared to say something about how he can make room for more, when suddenly his wrist is caught between a now familiar set of fingers that grip tightly. Painfully tightly.
"I was actually planning on letting you take this one."
Yuu's blood runs ice cold. He can't think, he can't move, and he doesn't know why. Don't leave me. His thoughts are desperate as the fingers on his wrist push him forward and he nearly stumbles as the forced movement. Please. Please don't make me go.
"I don-"
"Aww, René and I can see right through that Mikaela." It's the one called Lacus that speaks up with a chiding voice as he steps back. Yuu visibly relaxes but the fingers on his wrist tighten so much that he's sure there will be bruises tomorrow. Man, I hope I can hide those. He found the hardest part of this existence was hiding the bruises and hickeys from past employers.
"Yeah. You can't back out now, he's already infatuated with you, isn't that right Lacus?" René's voice is singsong and the one named Lacus nods eagerly as they both back up with matching smirks. Yuu can't help but narrow his eyes but plays along as he sees Mikaela rearing up to retort.
"Don't leave," he voices his thoughts aloud though this time they're simply a hum through his lips as he tilts his chin to get a better look at the blonde. Mikaela watches him with the same unfathomably blue eyes. "Please."
There is a very long, tense silence. Mikaela says nothing at all but he also doesn't argue, and when Yuu shifts his arm he finds that the tight grip has slackened. He starts to withdraw his arm only for Mikaela to suddenly intertwine their hands together and lock his fingers in a tight but not wholly uncomfortable way.
Too close. Actions like this, small and gentle, these are the ones that terrify Yuu the most. He could fuck anyone if they asked him nicely but things like holding hands or embracing or just being close made his skin crawl until he wanted to leap out of it. His breathing becomes slightly labored but he doesn't try to rip his fingers from the oddly intimate grasp, which is improvement.
When Yuu pulls Mikaela out of the crowd and from Lacus and René's hungry eyes the blonde complies. In fact he complies all the way up the stairs and into one of the darker rooms, were Yuu silently pulls the other man into a darker and musky smelling room that is thankfully vacant. Finding the empty rooms on the first try is an an acquired skill but Mikaela doesn't seem overly impressed.
In fact, the blonde in completely impassive as Yuu closes the distance between them, relishing for once this silence as he makes sure there is no space between their bodies. Mikaela is cold, like ice, but it doesn't bother him as he drapes himself over the blonde and lofts his chin so that he's eye to eye with him.
He untangles his fingers from Mikaela's. The blonde tightens his grip at first before releasing his hand and Yuu resists the urge to massage it from the firm hold Mikaela held it with. Mikaela has gone taciturn so Yuu instead fills the silence with the sounds of sweet nothings whispered into Mikaela's blonde hair that tickles his lips as he speaks.
"So," he murmurs quietly as he uses his free hand to draw patterns along Mikaela's chest, moving his hand downwards until he's playing with the hem of the shirt and tugging it out of the pants it's been tucked into. "You mustn't come here very often, according to your friends. Are you scared?" A smile plays on his lips but no response comes. He finds he doesn't mind. He can almost pretend as if it's not real like this.
"Things around here," he continues as he finally releases all of the shirt, "are different than most places. Do you know why they call this place the Night Hawk?" He fingers creep up under Mikaela's shirt and dance across the smooth skin of his stomach, and for a moment he swears Mikaela's breath catches in his throat. He continues to run his fingers along the cold skin as he works the shirt up Mika's chest, with every upwards movement he undoes the buttons leading to the top and exposing more of the creamy skin.
"It's because," he whispers as he slides Mikaela's shirt off and lets it fall on the ground with a slight whoosh, leaning up to let his breath ghost over the blonde's lips-
"This is where predators go to hunt down their prey." It's Mikaela that answers his question in a voice that sounds almost haunted. Yuu freezes for a moment as his lips hover just a millimeter from Mikaela's, but then a small smirk works its way onto his mouth.
"I thought I was the only one who saw this as a game of cat and mouse," Yuu remarks softly, and then he kisses him.
Yuu is used to kissing people. His first kiss was from some giddy middle school girl on a dare and she had openly expressed to him that she was a lesbian moments afterwards. Plus he's kissed hundreds of mouths if they like that- he's the type to do whatever it takes for an extra dollar and he won't complain if they have stupid requests like that.
But contrary to most times, he found he actually wanted to kiss Mikaela.
For a moment Yuu feels as if he's kissing a wall. The blonde's lips are unyielding beneath his as he lets their mouths move against one another. But then Yuu trails a hand up Mikaela's chest and lets his fingers tangle in the golden strands and Mikaela suddenly responds, as if a parched man finally getting water- he kisses Yuu with the same desperation as a lover he had lost years ago.
As soon as Mikaela returns the kiss Yuu relaxes against him, letting the slightly taller male take control as his fingers wind through the blonde locks and pulls gently at the strands, prompting a heated moan from Mikaela's mouth. As his lips part Yuu takes advantage of it and slides his tongue into the blonde's mouth, an invasion that isn't unwelcome as Mikaela's tongue slides against his own.
He can't help but notice that Mikaela tastes of something bitter. It's a fleeting realization but it strikes him as odd, a strange salty taste from the other man's mouth that makes his blood curdle, but it's such a brief thought and by that point the blonde has already completely claimed his thoughts. Everything about him- the feel of his body pressed against his, lean and lithe, or the way his golden hair brushes along the sides of Yuu's face. Everything down to the way his nose skims along Yuu's cheek, only grazing it but it's enough to make his heart pound in a way it never has before.
Heat explodes in his stomach. It's subtle at first but it grows more intense with every whispered breath across his lips or the way Mika's tongue slides against his. Soon its boiling hot and he squirms under the heat of it, desperate to shed the few layers of clothes between them. He's never enjoyed a kiss this much- it's nothing like the plastic ones he's exchanged countless times. This time it feels like he's slowly burning up.
It's terrifying.
"Hah-" he gasps as he tries to pull away from the kiss, to release some of the building pressure in his chest. But Mikaela seems to be unhappy with that decision and suddenly his hands are on Yuu and he can't even process his own thoughts anymore as his fingers dance along his skin and one hand moves to graze his jaw and tilt his chin upwards demandingly.
The other hand moves to intertwine with his own- and before Yuu can register the white hot feeling in his stomach the world spins into abrupt, beautiful blackness.