Ride like the Wind
Chapter 48

Hiei woke up one morning with the sunlight pouring on his face. He grunted and then rolled over so the sun wasn't in his face. "Where am I? Why's it so damn bright?"

"So you're finally up," Kurama said as he turned away from the window. "You're at your house. Mukuro brought you here not too long ago."

"Mukuro? She's here?"

"Not anymore. I told her to stay but she didn't want to. She kept throwing up. She might be coming down with a bad sickness or something like that."

Throwing up? Like she's got morning sickness? She she's…

"You want something to eat since you're up. It might help your stomach if it's still healing."

"My…?" Then he remembered. "No. Not feeling well right now." He rolled onto his stomach. "What're you doing here? I thought you hate me now."

"I have a good reason to. You cause too much trouble. I liked you better before you took my virginity away. You weren't as much of an asshole as you are now. I came to get my stuff and now I have to take care of you since Koenma left on business. Once you're better, it's back to San Francisco for me forever. You can go have your fun with Mukuro. And me? I'll eat pie."

"Pie?" He stared at the red head. "What?"

"Pie… Don't ask!" He walked to a pile of Hiei's clothes and pulled out a shirt. He glanced at Hiei who was still staring at him and started to walk out with it.

"What're you doing with my shirt?' Hiei forced himself to sit up.

"A souvenir…"

"Get a better one. Why does it have to be my shirt?!"

"…Cause I secretly sniff your clothes when you're out."

"Say what?! Did you do this to Mukuro, too?!"

"No."

"Why not?!"

"Her reaction wouldn't be as funny. Actually she'd either be amused or just pretend it never happened. But then again her scent is sweeter…"

"Then sniff her clothes and leave mine alone!"

Kurama stared at him and walked out with the shirt anyway. He heard Hiei struggle to get out of bed. "If this is still about the shirt, I'm scared! I know you must like this shirt but that's no reason for you to go after me!"

"No!" He stumbled into the room. "It's not about that. You can have it."

"Well, that takes the fun out of taking it…"

"No. I mean you can't stay in San Francisco forever!"

"I know I have to travel around."

"No! I mean… I need you!"

Kurama looked disgusted. "Go need Mukuro. You like her and you're seeing her. I'm just getting in the way now. You don't need me. Just leave me alone. I'm gonna eat pie."

"Pie? I still don't get…"

"W… I…. GODDAMMIT MY PIE IS SO GOOD IF I DON'T SAY SO MYSELF!"

"Kurama, I think you should calm down!"

"You calm down! G… Ugh!" He felt like banging his head against a wall. "No wonder Mukuro threw up! You're stressing her out!"

"She… Look, it's just that…" He sighed irritably. "Screw this. I'm going to Boston even if I can barely walk."

Kurama shook his head. "Sure."

---

"Something doesn't feel right here…" Mukuro grumbled to herself. "And it's not just because I somehow woke up on the table with a beer bottle full of pig's blood in it. How the hell did that get there anyway?"

She sat up and then heard the door slam. "Damn, the storm's back."

Hiei ran in, waving his arms around and ranting in Spanish.

Damn this man… "Hiei, you realize that I don't understand a word you're saying?"

Second of hesitation. 'HeyareyouokayKuramatoldmeyouthrewupandIjustwantedtoknowifyouwereokayand…"

"Never mind. Go back to Spanish. I liked it better when I didn't know what you were saying."

"Look I just wanted to know if you were okay."

"When did my health make you lose any sleep?"

"Well, you're pregnant, aren't you?"

She whacked him on the head with the beer bottle so it broke.

"What the hell, lady! What the hell is this shit?!"

"Pig's blood."

"Why the hell do you have pig's blood in a beer bottle?!"

"I dunno."

"You shouldn't be drinking if you're pregnant."

"I'm not. I've been going on like this for five months. If it were because I'm pregnant, don't you think someone would notice me getting bigger?"

"Demons could be different…"

"Yeah but I have diabetes. That's a human disease. So I'm as close to a human as they come."

"Are you completely sure you're not?"

"Positive. Why do you want me to be in the first place?"

Long silence. "I dunno."

"Yeah, well, you can't do that without it!" She aimed the gunned between Hiei's legs only to find she forgot to load the pistol. "Oh. I forgot."

"Don't you think you're going too far?"

"I know what you're gonna do so I'll end it! Don't worry! I heard castrations were very painless."

"Who told you that?!" He put his hands over his crotch as if Mukuro would suddenly laser beam "it" off.

"Yomi. He's a doctor, you know."

"Well has he had it cut off?!"

"No he loves it too much."

"So how's he know?"

"I dunno but if he keeps jacking off like he does it will fall off." Slight pause. "That's how he went blind. His palms will go hairy after a while."

"He told me it was from holy water."

"He was lying."

"No, he looked s-"

"HE MASTURBATED TOO MUCH!"

"Okay! Okay! Okay! Look, you don't have to blow it off to keep me away from you."

"Okay. So you can go a month without trying anything and without me saying anything to you?"

"Hell yeah I can! I can go months without you!"

"Is that counting Shuichi?"

"Make that two months."

"You're a sick man, Hiei."

"You're a sick woman, Mukuro!" Points finger.

"How am I a sick woman?"

"You just are! That's why you're boobs are so small! It's punishment for your sickness!"

"I know they're small! Shut up!"

"So I'll prove I can go a month without trying anything."

"Sure."

---

"Shuichi?" Kaitou walked into the kitchen. He stared at his red haired friend who was busy with the oven. He glanced around the room for a moment. Flour on the floor and counters. Eggshells crushed on the ground like broken glass. Sugar scattered on the counter in constellations. Droplets of milk scattered. And I thought he was a neat freak. "Hey, your mother told me that all you've been doing lately is baking. She's worried."

Kurama death glared him. Evil aura… Evil aura… "You disturb me Kaitou. Get out."

"And your gayness disturbs me. We're even. No I won't leave." He watched him pull out a knife. "Put the knife down, Minamino! Good. No, put the flour down! Put it down or give d… A state of being penisless!"

Kurama hopped to the table, knife in hand and flour in the other, grinning evilly. He leaned forward raising the knife and just before the knife reached Kaitou's heart he said, "Okay, really. What'd you come for?"

"To see how you were doing…" Kaitou felt beads of sweat go down his forehead. "Your mother's getting worried."

"I dunno. I'm just trying to keep myself busy."

"What happened in Mexico?"

"Why do you always assume it was something in Mexico?'

"Because that guy lives there."

"Well, Hiei's a bisexual asshole!" He threw the dough at him but missed. "Now I have to get that off the wall."

"Hey how about you come with me to London to study abroad. I have a cousin that lives there and…" He put a hand on Kurama's shoulder. 'And then you can choose to be straight while you're there! My cousin told me their daughter is looking for a husband and…!"

"Kaitou."

"Yeah?"

"I hate you." Heart.

"Not what I was going for…"

---

"What's with the scary kid?" Hiei asked when he walked into the kitchen.

There was a kid there, probably about ten, death glaring Mukuro. He had black hair that stuck up in the back. His eyes were, oddly enough, pink. (It reminded Hiei of a rat but if he were to say that out loud he thought the kid would come after him with a giant pair of scissors or put a curse on him or something. He looked like he would anyway.) He was kind of dark but still somewhat pale nonetheless. He had pointy ears. (Huh, didn't Yomi say he had a son? No, can't be him. This little bastard's too dark. He needs to be sickly pale to...)

"I dunno. He just came in and started glaring at me. That or he's trying to see how long his face can stay like that," she replied. "He looks like a homophobe.

"Homosexuals are disgusting and shouldn't be allowed to marry,' the kid growled in his cockney accented voice.

"Oh, I see how it is. Gays can't marry, huh? So you think they influence others into homosexuality and chose to be that way?!" She looked amused. "Well, lemme tell you something! If I had a choice of being homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual I would change my sexuality several times just to confuse people and be amused! I'll be a lesbian every three months for two consecutive months except for the first of September of the third of November when I decided I'll be bi for a day or two and sometimes three days in a row! Then on the week of my birthday or when Hanukah starts depending on which one comes first I'll be straight because people already torment me enough because I'm a Jew for some strange reason. Then when this scary guy right here comes I'll be a lesbian so I won't be interested enough to actually have sex with him but while he does somehow get me to do it he doesn't know I'm actually fanaticizing about his sister who I've only met once! Also, I think I'll be a lesbian when a guy proposes to me so I won't be interested enough to say yes to him but if I do have the gall to say yes and marry the asshole I'll make up my mind and stay a lesbian except for the first of September and the third of November when I'm bisexual and the week of my birthday and/or the beginning of Hanukah depending on what comes first. But because I'm married to a man and I'm a lesbian I would influence him to 'chose' to be gay which is awkward considering that he's a doctor and would therefore spread his gayness onto his patients and he also has a son so he'll molest his son since he no longer has interest in me. So his son would endure this and look for his wife to be but lo, he decided to be gay but when he realizes his father apparently 'left' him for another man so this results in the son killing… lover to get his father back but the father decided he couldn't take this crap and decided to be straight again and divorced me. But we're not talking about incest here so we'll stay away from that.

"And have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a gay president? I mean is it the first man or the first lady if he were married to his boyfriend? It would be pretty awkward if the president turned out to be the stereotypical one on the bottom and being girly with pretty dresses and…" She burst out laughing at the thought. "That'd be cool. A little twinkle toes president. Heh heh heh… And I think we should bring back a king. So then we could have a gay king with gay sons due to him being forced to marry to bring an heir to the throne. So again we have a gay king with gay sons because gay children only produce more gay children just as straight children only produce straight children with gay servants whose children are also gay who influence the other children to be gay. So we slowly develop into a great gay society. The best part would be when someone tries to destroy said gay society and the best part would be killing said gay king because the conquerors are homophobes and hate gays. Actually things like that make me wish I were there during the Reign of Terror so we can all kill Robespierre. Who can resist killing a ruler?

"Back on topic then. If my mother chose to be a lesbian then I would have to be gay because like I said before, gay parents would have to have gay children just as straight parents would have to have straight children. So if I decided to marry another woman there would also be nothing stopping me from marrying a cat because apparently a cat has legal status and can sign marriage contract. And we'll never adapt to something like that just as we never adapted to the cotton gin and the telegraph. It's also abnormal like freckles and red hair. But then again gays produce no children. Our orphanages aren't full enough. Also in a theocracy like ours we could never accept that. It worked so well in Salem when all those women were being hanged for witches!

"So because I'm gay I'd spread so much disease as I continue to have hot gay sex! I'm such a rat now that I'm a lesbian! And I'm also barren because of my homosexuality. I should have waited until I had a few children before I chose to be a lesbian! Bad choice! Bad! I'd also apparently destroy families just because of my choice because apparently we go house to house, knock on the door and have sex right on their porch when they open the door! And thus another American family is destroyed.

"Last statement: Your statement failed. Gays are targeted a lot as scapegoats but no one notices pedophilia." Silence. "You make take your seats now children."

The kid fainted.

"Ow… I think my head broke…" Hiei mumbled.

The door swung open. Yomi ran into the room. "I'm looking for my son. Apparently he ran off a while back and…"

"I think he's the kid that just fainted," Mukuro replied. "We just had a political debate regarding homosexuality. I don't think he liked being proven wrong."

"No, you just needed to calm down, woman!" Hiei growled.

"Sh!" She tapped him on the head.

"Shura? Are you okay?" Yomi shook the kid as he spoke in Gaelic.

"Ach. Leave me alone. My head's pounding." The kid growled and forced himself to sit up looking dazed.

"Dare I ask what happened?"

"Too much to say. So that's the whore you've been seeing all this time? She looks like one. She talks like one. If she weren't dressed like a man she would dress like one. You should've done better."

"Don't talk…"

"Forget I said anything." He walked out. Prick.

"What was that about? What's this about Mukuro being a whore?" Hiei asked.

"You understood all that?" Yomi asked.

"I knew an Irish guy that learned it from his parents. So you're Irish too?"

"Actually I'm half Scottish. My mother didn't bother learning English. Don't ask me how that worked."

"Ugh..." Mukuro sighed. Another pain.

---

"Kaitou. I'm going to London with you."

"So you'll."

"I'm not marrying your cousin."

"Damn."

End chapter 48

Notes:
1. Pig's blood-my awful reference to Stephen King's Carrie.
2. Salem-Yeah. Once again. Look in The Crucible and you'll see what I mean. Basically everybody got screwed up because of the witch hunt.
3. Reign of Terror- When Robespierre (guy who lead the French against King Louis XII and Marie Antoinette… I think) took power and killed anyone who was in any way associated with the monarchy… In a nutshell.
4. Come after him with scissors- Clock tower reference. I dunno the details.

Yeah. The rant I came up with from what I saw on gaia. Messed up stuff there. I'm getting off. My wrist hurts….