Your responses to your reveiws are coming I swear...but till then know I love you all and I hope you sill love me!
One of the great mysteries of the Rutherford household was if his parents were unaware of the fact Matt and his siblings could overhear every word of a hushed conversation in their father's study by sitting near the vent in the hallway just outside of Matt's room or if they just didn't care. It had been the way they had all found out about attempted surprise parties, impending punishments and even presents since they were old enough to understand the idea of keeping quiet. And right now Matt was straining to hear exactly what his parents thought of him making out with Kurt in his bedroom.
Even though this was quite possibly one of the worst possible ways to actual come out of the closet with his family and he wasn't entire sure if this upcoming discussion would lead to anything but disaster for him, Matt couldn't help the smile that crossed his face as he remembered yet again what had transpired just a short time ago. He had finally gotten up his courage to do something and it paid off, far beyond his wildest imagination. There was no way he was going to forget exactly how soft Kurt's lips were or how damn good it felt to have Kurt's hand running over his arms.
"I knew I should have never let Matt bring that boy into the house." He heard his mother exclaim. Matt closed his eyes, glad Kurt was probably safely at home and couldn't hear how his mother apparently blamed him for Matt being gay. "Everyone in town knows what he's like. But I thought if he showed him a good example, he'd make a different choice."
Matt rolled his eye at his mother's notion of choice. If everyone in town knew Kurt was gay (and Matt could admit that was most likely true), everyone had also known it since about the fourth grade when Dave Karofsky started referring to Kurt exclusively as "the gay kid". Somewhere there was probably a former classmate who couldn't remember Kurt's name but would point to his picture in the class photo and identify him as "the gay kid". Maybe he was crazy, but Matt didn't remember being ten years old and thinking that was the coolest thing ever.
"Maybe we should call Father Cozart." His father's deep voice, soft even under the best of circumstances was even softer now. Jonas Rutherford didn't yell and his height and build often meant he didn't have to. A quiet tone of disappointment was often more than enough to make his children regret whatever it was they did far better than any threat he could have issued. It was a tone Matt absolutely hated to hear, and to hear it now sent his heart down to his toes. "He could talk to Matthew, pray with him."
As much as Matt liked the priest who had presided over his ever Sacrament since his First Communion, talking with Father Cozart wasn't going to make this go away, as much as his parents clearly wanted it to. And it was becoming just as clear to Matt, that it might not matter how he had planned to come out to his parents; his parents even pretending to be ok with it as they adjusted their thinking was not in the cards.
Closing the vent, Matt closed his eyes trying to keep himself from crying and remembering the horrified look on his mother's face when she had come into his room. Tried to forget the stunned look on his father's face when his mother met him outside as his car pulled into the driveway and she leaned up to whisper in his ear. This wasn't how he planned on telling them and he knew this wasn't exactly the life they had imagined for him. But he was still Matt, their son. He still loved them. So why did it feel like they no longer loved him in the same way? All this talk of meetings with priests and prayer groups and even his mother's idea it was a plea for help and clearly Matt needed therapy kept sending him the same message.
His being gay wasn't something they could or would accept.
"Matt?"
Blinking, Matt opened his eye to see Gabriel sitting cross-legged in the doorway of his own room, directly across from Matt's. Wiping at his eye, Matt looked at the younger brother everyone said looked so much like him. "How long have you been listening?"
"The whole time." Gabriel pointed inside his room. "The vent in my room works as good as that one."
"So that's how you always know what's going on." Matt chuckled humorlessly. "I've wondered about that."
"Are you…are you really gay?"
"Yup."
"You really don't like girls?"
"Just as friends. Not the way you and probably Steven do."
"Why?"
Matt shrugged his shoulders. "I just don't. About the time I was Steven's age I just didn't like girls the same way everyone else did. Took me a little bit to understand why that was."
"Can't you just decide to like them?"
Matt smiled at his little brother. "Doesn't work like that. At least not for me."
"But mom and dad think it is."
"Sounds that way." Matt agreed.
"You guys are going to fight aren't you?"
"Yeah I think so."
"So Steven and I should probably sneak out now and go find somewhere else to eat dinner?"
"If you want to eat tonight, that's probably a smart idea. Need money?"
Gabriel shook his head. "No but if you're offering…."
"No way. Go. And tell Steven not to clomp down the stairs like an elephant. He'll give you both away."
The initial plan when he left Matt's was to go straight home and wait for Matt to call. The look on Mrs. Rutherford's face, Kurt shuddered as he recalled it. That was the look he had feared his father having. He had wanted to stay and offer Matt support. If Matt had just given him a look, a sign, anything he would have stayed. Or at least parked his car across the street or something.
But no one was at his house. His dad was still at the garage, Carole was working and Finn was at some sports related thing or another. If he went home, all he would do was pace and obsess over every solitary second that led up that terribly embarrassing moment in Matt's bedroom. Which meant he had nothing but time to realize what a completely horrible person he was. He had a fight with Sam and in the space of less than two hours he was making out with Matt. That was behavior of…well let's face it Kurt told himself…Puck. He was no better than the great Puckasaurus, proudest man skank McKinley High had ever produced.
And when faced with such a depressing realization, the only thing to do was to rally one's friends and hope they could convince you otherwise. Which was precisely the reason he had called Mercedes and Quinn, and then proceeded to crash Artie and Tina's study session at Artie's house.
"And you interrupted my marathon of Pretty Little Liars because?" Quinn drawled as she sat down on the floor in Artie's room. "So help you if I miss anything because someone who shouldn't wear Spandex walked in front of you at the grocery store."
It was probably best to start at the beginning Kurt figured. "Sam and I had a fight."
"Kurt? I know you're new to this whole relationship thing, but all couples fight." Tina said softly as Quinn rolled her eyes. He decided it was probably best to avoid Mercedes's gaze right now. Instead he focused on Tina. "It will blow over. You'll see."
"And less than two hours later I was making out with Matt." He rushed out, slurring all the words together as he spoke.
He had never really understood the term deafening silence before. After all silence by it's very definition was the absence of sound. How exactly could it be deafening? But when the only thing he could hear after his word vomit moment happened was the pounding of his own heart against his ribs, he suddenly understood it perfectly. Looking as his friends looked between each other with a mixture of shock and "Surely I didn't just hear that" written all over their faces, he prayed for someone to say something.
Artie, bless his suspender-loving heart, adjusted his glasses and let out a sigh. "I think we may need a few more details." He held up a gloved hand as he added "But not too many for the lone heterosexual male in the room please."
Rolling his eyes at Artie's request and smiling as Tina shoved her boyfriend in the shoulder, Kurt recited every event in his very enlightening day. From Sam's accusation of having a crush on Matt (earning an "I told you" out of Mercedes) to the completely unexpected revelation on Matt's sexuality (with more than a few confirmations that yes he was in fact talking about the same Matt Rutherford they all knew) and ending with the complete shame-inducing interruption by Matt's brothers and mother. "And then she told me to leave, so I did." Kurt explained looking down at her hands. "She reminded me of Santana when she was pissed. It was scary."
Finishing his recitation, Kurt looked up to see his friends staring at him. "Guys? Say something please?"
"One question." Tina raised a finger. "Did you and Sam actually break up or was it just a fight?"
"I'm not really sure." Kurt admitted.
Nodding her head slowly, Tina pursed her lips together. "And you then went to Matt's house and made out with him, not sure if you had in fact broken up with Sam. Kurt, you're kind of a slut."
"Thanks so much for that Tina. You always know the right thing to say." Kurt groaned as Tina started to giggle uncontrollably.
"Well I have something to say." Quinn offered up, her fingers clutching a throw pillow she had found on the floor. Chucking the pillow at Kurt's head, she groaned. "You tried to get me to date a gay guy? How can you of all people have a horrific gaydar?"
"Ow. And excuse me Miss Secret Boyfriend that we will talk about later" Kurt started, causing Quinn to give him her patented stink eye. "Since the two of you insisted you were just friends and nothing was an actual date, I'm failing to see how anything was actually psychologically damaging for you."
"It's the principle of the thing." Quinn defended herself as Mercedes put her hand on the blonde's shoulder.
"Later Sister. And Kurt's right, we will be talking about this secret boyfriend situation but we need to focus right now." Turning her attention to her best friend she could clearly see him worrying. "I can see the wheels turning in your head right now so let me stop you and tell you are not the same as Puck."
"How did you…."
"Boy please. Who knows you better than me?" Mercedes asked, tilting her head to the side. "Besides Puck would have gone to the house of a girl he knew liked him. You, like the rest of us, didn't have a clue about Matt."
She raised a good point and Kurt nodded to acknowledge it. She took a breath and continued. "And I think you had already made up your mind about what you were going to do about your fight with Sam anyways."
He nodded his head slightly and let out a sigh. "You all can not tell anyone about this. I might have already decided to break up with Sam before this, but he doesn't need to hear about what I did almost immediately after he left. He doesn't deserve that."
"We won't say anything." Tina promised as the rest of his friends nodded.
"Besides, who would believe us?" Artie pointed out. "Most people don't believe Matt can actually talk much less be capable of all this."
Artie had intended his joke to lighten the mood in the room and everyone chuckled at it, even Kurt. But it was clear his heart wasn't it. His friends might not think him the worst person in the world (even though he so was) but they hadn't been there and seen the look in Mrs. Rutherford's eyes. He glanced over at the clock next to Artie's bed. Surely Mr. Rutherford would be home by now.
"You're worried aren't you?" Quinn's soft voice cut through the laughter.
"Yeah. I told him to call me after he and his mom talked but…." Kurt looked over at his friends. "I just have this feeling it won't go well. The look she gave us…."
"She was surprised." Tina offered sympathetically. "But Mrs. Rutherford has always seemed really nice."
"So did my parents and we all know how well they took the news of Beth." Quinn pointed out, understanding Kurt's concern perfectly. "If Matt needs you he'll call. Or he'll go to Mike's." She looked over at Mercedes's for confirmation.
"Yeah. Matt will be fine." Mercedes said quickly, nodding her head. "He's probably at Mike's right now and he's having to go through the whole story like you. Or his mom got over the shock and is as cool as your dad. You'll see him tomorrow in school and everything will be just fine. You'll see."
And even though his friend chorused with variations of Mercedes's assessment, Kurt couldn't shake the feeling that everything wasn't going to be fine.