Disclaimer; I own nothing, just like all the other chapters. Yadda yadda yadda.
Chapter Three;
I was surprised to find that I'd actually dosed off, laying against the tree staring up at the rolling clouds. Amazed at how relaxed I felt, I couldn't even quite place the feelings swimming through my body at this exact moment. I can't remember the last time I felt this at peace, this relaxed, this unrushed. Even as a child, before the loss of my entire clan – I never felt this relaxed. I was always attempting to live up to my father's high standards, the standards my brother had set. Standards that were impossible for just an average, normal Uchiha boy. And that's what I had been, what I still was. I wasn't some overpowered ninja, some child prodigy like my brother was. There was no way I was going to ever live up to those standards, no matter how long I trained, how hard I pushed, how much I learned – There was just no way.
It's a depressing though, thinking about it now. Was my life really fulfilling, even before the death of my family? Would I be any different if they'd stuck around. I pushed myself to achieve those standards, just the same as if they had been there. The only thing different was the feelings I put behind all my hard work. I wanted revenge now. Back then, I just wanted someone to notice me. Well, they were noticing me now weren't they. Noticing me, all but the one person I always really wanted to notice – Itachi, my big brother. It's painful to think that I had never meant much to him, not worth his time or effort.
"You seem to be deep in thought," I nearly fell from the tree at the sound of the voice beneath me, I'd entirely forgotten he has been there. I'd let my guard down, been unaware of my surroundings. I sat up suddenly, what the hell is wrong with me. There was nothing I wanted to say to him, so I decided instead to stay silent. "I know we aren't friends. It'd be a joke to even think how the two of us could ever get along. But, I like Naruto, the damn kid grows on you really and you just can't shake him off. And Kakashi has always been a stand up guy. Anyone with eyes could see how in love with you Sakura is, and it even causes me a little pain to see the look she gets in her eyes sometimes."
"Is there something you're trying to say, Shikamaru?" I could almost feel the heat from his gaze now, like a penetrating force. I had to force myself not to look down at him, decipher the look that would be in those bottomless brown eyes. I shook my head; how did I even know he had brown eyes.
"They care about you, you know. Whether you want to admit it to yourself, or to anyone else. I know you care about them too. Naruto told me what happened out with those Sand genin. Told me some things about what you had said, how you'd talked about not wanting to lose things important to you all over again. So, I guess all I'm trying to say is. If you don't want to lose what is important to you now, then you should think how running away is going to affect all that." I felt my heart beating a little faster, forcing myself to forget everything he was saying as the words were spilling from his usually silent mouth. He wasn't a shy kid, but he never seemed to speak unless it was worth it. One thing everyone knew about Shikamaru was that he was a lazy guy, never wanted to put more effort forward than he really had to. "You think revenge will bring you peace in this life. We're all surrounded my loss, death, pain and suffering. Constantly shinobi are losing their lives to protect a village, protect people they sometimes barely know. Risking our lives is part of the package deal. But hate, revenge, anger – it does nothing but cloud your mind."
"You don't know anything about my pain. You don't know anything about my life." I said slowly, my body was tense with emotion. I could feel the rage bubbling, but for once it wasn't at anyone but myself.
"Maybe I don't. I know we've led different lives. You, Naruto, Kakashi – You all have something strong, and painful in common. You know, not having anyone around. Your family leaving you, through death of some sort. I may seem like a guy that doesn't care, and most of the time I don't. But I know what it feels like, to think you might be losing someone you care deeply about to something dark, and dangerous." I found myself intrigued by his soft voice, it was like a carefully orchestrated melody. Everyone single word thought out carefully, then delivered with the right amout of punch. I looked down at him then, he was standing now leaning against the tree trunk, his hands in his pockets and his gaze firmly straight in front of him. I could see the tension across his shoulders, down his arms and back. The small furrow of his brow, and the little shuffling of his feet. All small signs of discomfort.
Sighing to myself, I let myself drop from the tree a few inches in front of him. Turning around, I looked at him. And I could see the turmoil of emotions nearly bursting out of his usually blank eyes. He was a tactical person, intelligent beyond belief. And I found myself for the first time, not jealous of his mental abilities.
"They must have always been a burden to you," I found myself saying outloud, before I could stop myself. His eyes tightened, his face tilting away as if to hide his understanding. "All that ability swarming around in your head. Everyone telling you, there is so much more you could do. Trying to maintain this image, to guard yourself from the cruelty."
"Everyone is bullied about something, it's the way of the world. Children can't help but poke at other children, even if only to hide their own insecurities." He said tightly, his jaw clenching repeatedly. I felt this sharp sense of understanding, and I don't even know why. Like everything was clicking and sliding into place, I could finally wrap my mind around everything that had been plaguing me for so long.
"Light surrounds even the darkest places," I said, tilting my head back to look up at the clouds. I keep feel his gaze snap back towards me. Almost hear that smug smirk slide into place, walls and masks back up. Straight back in place, fidgetting feet put to rest. "So predictable Shikamaru."
"It works to my advantage," He said softly, and I could only nod in agreement. I'm sure it did work very well in his advantage. If you become a predictable being, the second you make even the smallest step outside that predictability range, you've got everyone caught, tied and confused. It's just another thing to prove how tactically brilliant his mind truly is.
"I thought for the longest time, even still parts of me still do think, that revenge is the only cure for the pain, the hate, the anger I feel surrounding, and covering me everyday. I wake up tormented by dreams every morning, something different yet always closely related. Images, screams, blood, pain, death, betrayal. It stings me, to know that I won't ever understand how or why someone could destroy so much of who they are, what they always stood for." I said softly, looking back at him and tilting my head to the side.
"Maybe we aren't meant to understand," He said, crooked smirk in place.
"No, maybe we aren't." I smiled then, feeling light and relaxed. We stood in silence for some time longer, before we both turned towards the gate and began to journey back into town. I knew that I wasn't over leaving entirely, that feeling would always creep back up and attempt to strangle my own free will right out of me. Pushing and pulling me to extract my revenge, become the true avenger I'd always pictured myself as. But there were ties here, holding me strongly and firmly in place for now. "Thank you, Shikamaru."
"Anytime Sasuke."
Well, that's the end. Short and to the point. I didn't want it to be about anything but the tought decision of a young boy, with pain in his heart and confusion in his mind. I don't know why I used Shikamaru; except for maybe because he's always been the level headed, even tempered guy that cares just enough about other people. Anyways, reviews are always appreciated. Gets tiresome to know people read, but never say anything. Have a good one, hope you enjoyed it at least a little bit.