For everybody who thought there was more to be said, and because Placebo obviously wants me to write Sabin/AJ angst
Cold Daylight
The first thing he felt when he woke up was everything he consumed the night before working to escape his body. He quickly rolled off the bed and got to his feet, holding his breath to keep the inevitable from happening, until he got to the toilet in the bathroom. His knees hit the tile painfully as he spewed into the open toilet, his head pounding as the vile chunks sped out of his mouth and into the porcelain bowl.
His hands gripped at the seat, knuckles almost going white from the pressure. After what seemed like a lifetime, he finally got a breather- but the smell of his own vomit was almost forcing him to refill the toilet. Weakly, he reached for the handle, letting it all flush down. Wishing he was still asleep, instead of huffing in a bathroom and the hammer at his head beating harder every moment.
"Chris?" Chris Sabin looked away from the toilet, half expecting to see the man whose arms he fell asleep in at the door. Instead, there was Alex, holding a glass of water and a packet of Midol. He'd been sharing the room with his friend the first day or so, but then Alex decided that he'd rather share a room with his girlfriend, Gail Kim, than with Chris. Didn't matter; Alex already bought his half of the room, and now Chris had it all to himself. Whole room, half price... made perfect mathematical sense to Chris. "You finished, or you think you have some more in the tank?"
Chris let the next rough splatter of goo answer for him, his throat burning from the force of it. He could hear Alex backing up, saying something about how disgusting it was. Finally, he could reach for the handle again, breathing raggedly before saying, "Lights... off. Water... now."
Alex handed Chris the water and called for someone Chris couldn't see to shut off the lights. The glass went up to Chris' lips, the water gone almost instantaneously. Only the drops of water clinging to his lips proved there ever was any. "More," he put the cup on the sink, where Alex could easily access it. Soon, he had more in his hands, and he paced himself this time.
Once it was all gone, he laid his head against the seat and said, "How did you get in here?" A scenario formed in his mind of Alex opening the door and finding AJ behind it, the perfect picture of being caught in the act, but he doubted it. And almost hoped for it.
"What, am I not welcome?" Alex raised an eyebrow. "Still had your other key." It affirmed what Chris already suspected- that AJ had left long ago. "Gail and me had Cinnabon for you... but I don't think that's such a good idea anymore."
"Shut up, Shelley." Chris leaned against the toilet bowl, trying to remember the exact details that led to him falling asleep in AJ Styles' arms. He could remember there being three of his Allie's, and then being carried... and AJ coming into bed with him, holding him like they used to hold each other. At a time when Chris was so sure that he and AJ worked pretty damn well, and that it could become something more.
Alex's eyebrow raised. There was something that was bothering him about the whole thing; it seemed a lot more had Chris laying on the porcelain throne other than his hangover. "Maybe next time I should just let you drown in your vomit, you alcoholic bastard."
"I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a..." Chris trailed off, remembering the same exact words coming out of his mouth. Bits and pieces of the phone call returned to him, of waiting by the dumpster, convinced that AJ was too busy with Taylor to bother, thinking he should've called Alex instead...
The whole night slowly began to click together, from his stumbling out of the bar to AJ bringing him back to the hotel. He groaned, remembering all the things he said to him... he told him about his conversation with Taylor, for fuck's sake! "Shit," he muttered, thinking about how badly he must've screwed up.
I tell Allie I'll leave him be, that I'd be there for him, and then I pretty much tell him I didn't tell Taylor about his little slip of the tongue because I expect him to. Way to fail, Chris. No wonder he was out before you woke up.
"You alright, man?" Chris looked up at Alex, not missing the obvious concern. Hopefully it was just over the alcohol. "You gonna spill again?"
"What... no," Chris groaned, the hammer pounding harder, mercilessly splitting his head in two. He put his hand to his head, half out of the agony, half still on everything that happened the previous night. "Maybe. Possibly. Just pass me the damn Midol."
Two days later, Chris made his way through the building, his hood up around his head. Alex was already off, going over his own story, leaving Chris on his mission. It could be a big mistake, and Chris could just be digging himself further into the ground, but he had to say something. He couldn't leave it at begging AJ to sleep with him.
He eventually found AJ in catering, thankfully not with Taylor but with Christopher Daniels, both men talking in hushed voices. He walked up to the table they were at, clearing his throat to catch both AJ and Daniels' attention. "Am I interrupting anything?"
"Nah, just talking some X-div stuff," Daniels said, "You need something, Sabin?"
Chris' attention was on AJ, searching for any emotion to his appearance, but there was none. Maybe this was a sign. "I gotta talk with AJ," Chris answered, "Can you excuse us for a minute?"
"No prob. Catch you later, Jonesey." Daniels slapped a hand on AJ's shoulder before nodding in Chris' direction. Chris watched the retreating back, making sure he was away before turning back to AJ.
"I'm surprised you didn't say anything," Chris whispered, still feeling like anyone could be eavesdropping on them.
"What was I supposed to say that wouldn't make Chris interested?"
"Good point." Chris grinned weakly. "So, I bet you're wondering what I'm doing here."
"You could say that," AJ said. "So... are you going to tell me? Or should I start guessing?"
Chris flinched; he didn't expect this to be easy, but he didn't expect for AJ to talk to him with such biting sarcasm. "Look, I'm here because I feel bad... you know, about a few nights ago. I never meant to... I was drunk, you know?" AJ didn't say anything, making Chris feel worse. "So, you know, I thought I should apologize."
"You don't have to." Chris gulped, unsure what to make of that line, and AJ leaned forward. "It never happened. We can leave it like that."
"You and I aren't good at pretending shit never happened," Chris said, making AJ frown. The silence that popped up between them was nearly suffocating; Chris wondered if AJ's mind was where his was. That morning all that time ago, when Chris told him they could pretend it never happened. "Look, just... I want to apologize. And possibly talk about keeping... that from happening again. What are you doing Friday night?"
AJ sighed, and Chris could almost swear he saw exhaustion written on his features. "I don't think it's a good idea."
"There'll be no alcohol involved. Just you, me, and some food to talk over." Chris fell silent, just gauging AJ's reaction to the proposal. The same exhaustion, barely visible but still detectable, shone out from AJ's face. Should I keep pushing...? AJ's face remained unchanged, so Chris kept talking. "This isn't some plot on my part. I really just want to talk. It'll be the last you ever hear from me about this thing. Just, one talk and we can put this away."
Chris stopped, waiting for AJ's reaction. For a long time, his countenance remained unchanged, but then he said, "One talk and we can put this away?"
A smile grew on Chris' face, and he nodded. "Yeah. One talk."
"Alright then." AJ stood up, looking down at Chris as he said, "I'll meet you at seven at the lobby. Any place in particular you're taking me?"
"Nah. Just food." Chris stood up as well, trying to keep himself from doing anything that could possibly ruin what he'd just achieved. Things he'd normally do. "A grease ball, you know me. So, I'll see you then?" Hope came across with every word. The thought of putting an end to the plan, telling Chris that this talk was a terrible idea and that they should move on and leave the past where it belonged crossed AJ's mind, but he knew the past was already molded in with their present.
He knew since Chris confirmed that he did, in fact, moan out his name while Taylor and him were getting intimate. The fact that he imagined doing something with Chris that they'd never gotten to, that he pictured it while his gorgeous girlfriend was doing the exact same act, horrified him in ways he couldn't properly express.
There was also the other night, how incredibly broken he looked with the bottle between his legs by the side of a dumpster. Outside of their previous relationship, Chris Sabin was a good friend, and it tore at him to see him that low.
Mistake or not, he knew he had to see it through. "I'll be there."
Chris had spent all of Friday nearly killing himself with his thoughts, flipping between pure optimism that it was the day that he and AJ could finally reach a type of understanding, and steeling himself for the possible letdown. It wasn't as if his Allie... he really needed to stop thinking of him as that.... was a stranger to disappointing him. When he got to the lobby, his nerves pushing him to arrive a little early, he was prepared for both outcomes.
When he heard his name shouted out, however, he couldn't help but feel pleasantly surprised. He turned around, grinning at AJ. He walked over and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "You know, I was half sure you wouldn't show."
"I said I'd come, didn't I? Why wouldn't I show?" AJ asked. The hand on his shoulder felt too good, too familiar, but he didn't want Chris to pull away. Bittersweet reminder of all the indiscretions he had ever committed with Chris.
"Good point. Let's go, pal. Don't wanna stay out too late and worry the missus, now do we?" Chris moved away, walking toward the door, knowing by the sound of footsteps falling in tune with his that AJ was following. His own word kept echoing in his head, 'missus'... that was stupid of him, calling Taylor his missus. Now all he could think about was AJ and Taylor, together, doing all the things Chris could never think about broaching with AJ.
The place Chris chose wasn't too far from the hotel, so they didn't need to drive. It was a pretty crowded diner; he hoped the amount of people in the diner would make AJ more comfortable to talk. After a few minutes of quiet waiting, they were seated at a booth, and a waitress slapped some menus on the table with a smile, telling them she'd give them a few minutes to think.
Chris looked through the menu, shooting back glances at AJ every now and then, trying to get a read on how well they'd be able to talk. His undivided focus was on the menu, as if they were really here for the food. "So, what's catching your eye?" Chris asked. A trial balloon, to see how high it would fly.
"Probably just going to get some wings and fries." Balloon shot down upon flight.
Chris turned back to his menu for a while, pretending to look it over when he actually knew what he wanted for a while. Finally, he had enough of the silence, saying, "You know, have you ever put mayo on your fries?"
"What?" AJ looked up from the menu, confused.
"Mayo. On your fries." AJ's face twisted with disgust, and Chris said, "Okay, I know it sounds weird, but it's fucking awesome. Especially if ketchup's already on top of them."
"You're damaged, Sabin."
"No really, you have to try it. Granted, I was high when I made this discovery, but it's kick ass." Chris grabbed a mayo packet and handed it over to AJ. "When we get the food, try it. I swear by this, man."
"And if I get poisoned, you're going to pay my medical bills?" AJ asked, grabbing the packet of mayo and studying it, like he'd never seen the condiment before.
"Such the drama queen. A little experimentation won't kill you."
"And you're the expert on that?" AJ put the menu and the mayo down, and Chris suppressed the desire to say do you really have to ask?
"I try everything at least once. Can't find what you really love when you stick in the box, pal." The waitress came back, taking their orders and leaving them by themselves again. "I'm a pioneer, Allie; I find the next big thing before anyone else." The name slipped out without Chris noticing, but AJ didn't seem to notice either.
"Because Chris Sabin putting mayonnaise on fries is really something to earn the title 'pioneer'," AJ shook his head, "You're nothing but a pothead who stumbled on something weird."
"You say tomato, I say whatever," Chris chuckled, "Watch. You will eat your words when I'm selling a bottle that squirts equal parts mayo and ketchup onto your food."
"You should be put down before that ever happens."
"You can't put down Chris Sabin."
"Watch me."
Chris suddenly began laughing, unable to keep a straight face. AJ started laughing with him, more at Chris' sudden fit than at the situation. The two friends continued laughing for a while, knowing that nothing was actually that funny, but not really caring.
"Chris?" Chris looked up through his peals of laughter, seeing that AJ looked a lot more contemplative than before.
"Yeah, man?"
"Is it impossible for us to be friends, at least?" AJ asked, "Can't we just be like before? You know, before all of this-"
Chris shook his head. "Nah, we can't. Allie, all it'll take is some liquor and another night by a dumpster for me to cross the line again. Sorry."
"What, we can't at least try?" AJ pressed.
Another shake of the head. "After everything we've been through, being just your friend isn't good enough."Chris could feel the disappointment from AJ, but Chris had to be honest with him. He wouldn't push AJ into something he didn't want to do, but Chris refused to be pulled into an awkward situation like that.
"Why does it have to be all or nothing with you?"
"Hey, you chose for things to be this way, not me. You were the one who started this, and you're the one who ended it. Don't get angry at me."
AJ leaned forward, the disappointment giving way to anger. "I'm not going to feel bad for ending something that was going nowhere quick," he hissed.
"Going nowhere?" Chris could feel his own anger building, "Nowhere? Are you kidding me? Well, I wish you told me that before I did everything you wanted me to do, keeping things quiet and following all your stupid rules. I must be clueless, because here I was wasting my time over something going nowhere!"
"You act like I'm the only one who wanted it quiet," AJ shot back, "Stupid hypocrite." AJ stood up, grabbing his jacket and moving away from the table in quick bounds. Chris got up eventually, following him as fast as possible. He followed him through the door and grabbed his arm, keeping him from going any further on the street. "Let me go, Sabin!" AJ snapped, trying to pull his arm out of Chris' hand.
"Hold the fucking phone, AJ." Chris turned AJ so they were facing each other. "Every time I kept myself from getting too close, and every time I played 'good friend', it was all for you. You think I liked having to sneak around?"
"You were doing it long before me!" AJ shouted, "I didn't know that you were queer until you were suddenly kissing me. Does Alex know? Does your family know? Does anyone know besides me!" The last line, less of a question and more of a declaration, made Chris step back and let go of AJ's arm. AJ wasn't asking; he knew.
"I thought so," AJ spat, "You might not want to admit it, but we both knew this had no future. We both knew we didn't have any future. You might like playing faggot with me in quiet, but to everyone else, in public, you're straight as can be. So shut up and just admit it. You and I were nothing more than a little experiment. It's done now. Get over it."
"Just like you got over it, Allie?" Chris asked, "Just like you got over it, moaning out my name when you're fucking your precious little girlfriend? Like a little fucking faggot?"
AJ fumed, his face becoming redder, as if he was about to go berserk on him. He began huffing, and Chris still waited for the inevitable freak out. Instead, in a cold, quiet voice, AJ said, "Go to hell, Chris." AJ shook his head, turning around and walking away. He didn't look back. A million things ran through Chris' head, but he acted on none of them. He just stared at AJ's back, his fists clenching and unclenching repeatedly.
"You act like I'm the only one who wanted it quiet. Stupid hypocrite."
Chris sat on the side of the bed in his hotel room sometime later, staring at the night. It was times like this when he'd get out of his room, making some stupid excuse whenever Alex stood with him to sneak off to AJ's room. He'd call him up first, making sure he was rooming alone or that Chris or Joe or whoever was rooming with him was out of the way before appearing. If he wasn't, it was his turn to make an excuse and meet Chris in the parking lot or somewhere equally empty.
That was their relationship. An empty room or a place where they had to keep everything chaste for the benefit of those around them. The back stairs, the long way out. The night, when most sane people were asleep. And Chris told himself, he was just doing it because AJ was uncomfortable, because AJ needed time to get used to the idea that they were together. He never once thought that he was keeping the secret for himself.
Maybe I am a hypocrite...
Chris was so far into thought that he didn't hear the multiple knocks on the door, even as they grew progressively louder. He didn't even notice when the knocking was abandoned and the key was used, the door opening. Alex walked in, laughing, not noticing Chris' state in his own euphoria. He threw the hat off his head, a memento of the night he had, before yelling, "Sabin! I knew you'd be awake, you dumb bastard!" He chuckled and said, "You, me, some first person shooter! Whaddaya say, I'm way too wired to call it a night." Chris didn't answer, so Alex went on the bed, poking his best friend's arm.
"Earth to Sabin. I'm inviting you to get your ass kicked via X-box. This is the part where you start pretending that you have talent and say you're going to cream me."
Chris looked away from the window, Alex's poking finally catching his attention. "What... Oh." He shook his head. "Maybe later, Alex."
"Buzzkill!" Alex grabbed a pillow and threw it at Chris' head, watching it bounce off. But Chris didn't react at all, still sitting there, quietly staring out the window. "Chris?" Alex poked him again, concern written across his face. "Chris, are you okay?"
"Yeah. Sort of. Not really." Chris put his head in his hands, sighing. It had to be right then and there. If he wanted AJ to be honest with the world, he had to be also. "Alex, can I tell you something?"
Alex sat down, watching Chris for any sign that he was alright. "Sure, man. Anything."
This was it. The moment was here, and Chris couldn't find the words to begin to explain it. It made so much sense to him most of the time; what he and AJ had felt completely natural. The words came pretty easily. But here, sitting near his best friend, it seemed all the more difficult.
Finally, he said, "I haven't been myself lately. I know you've noticed."
"Yeah man, but you told me you wanted no help with your nookie drought. So I left you be."
"It's not a nookie drought." Chris trained his eyes on a spot on the floor as it all came flooding out. "It seemed so simple before, you know? I had no problem keeping it secret. He said he wasn't sure what it was, so we kept it a secret while he was figuring it out. And I was so sure he'd realize that what we had was pretty damn good, and we'd soon be out in the open. But then...."
"Hold up." Alex put a hand on Chris' shoulder, his mind catching up to exactly what Chris was saying. "Back up. He?"
"Yeah. He."
"As in, a guy?"
"No, as in a goat." Chris snapped, the bitter sarcasm dripping off his words. "Of course as in a guy."
Alex stood silent for a moment, but then he said, "This is a joke, right? Who put you up to this? Harris? Storm?"
"No, true story."
"So you were with a guy?"
"Sort of, yeah. Not quite in the way I would've liked it, but yeah."
"And you're okay with this?"
"Yeah," Chris nodded. "Completely."
"But wait, what happened? Did you and this guy... you know..." Chris knew what was coming next, so he grabbed Alex's hand, stopping him from motioning sex with them. Last thing he needed was Alex motioning the action, given the circumstances.
"He was never even comfortable enough to talk about it," Chris said, "Never made it past second base." The last statement hung in the air as Alex blinked, just trying to take it all in.
"Holy shit." Alex stood up, features twisted in complete disbelief. "Holy motherfucking shit. You sure this isn't a joke?"
"Is it so hard to believe?"
"Yes!" Alex said, "I mean, you're you. I thought I knew you. And now, all of a sudden, you're a homo."
"It's not like you came up to me and said 'Hey Chris, I'm straight'," Chris replied, shrugging, "Why should I go 'Hey Alex, I like guys?'"
"Okay, come on, my straight-ness was completely obvious. I mean, I brought Gail around you and everything. You never said anything, man. And I've seen you with girls, not guys."
"It's not that I don't like the ladies," Chris said, "It's just, I like a guy more than any lady right now."
"Which makes you a homo. Dude, why didn't you tell me before?"
"I already s-" Chris trailed off, looking up at Alex. "Wait a second. You don't care that I like guys? You just care that I didn't tell you?"
"Well, yeah. If you're a homo with such bad taste that you've never hit on me over the course of our friendship, why should I?" Alex laughed, "Bang who you wanna bang, man. Bang a tree for all I care. Doesn't change things between us."
"That's it?"
"What did you expect me to do, smack a bible over your head and tell you to 'go to hell, you stupid faggot'?" Alex said, "Yeah, that's it. Still think you should've told me, but whatever. I know now, right?"
"You son of a bitch!" Chris grinned, jumping up and throwing his arms around Alex. He began laughing, just relieved that it went as easily as it did. Alex pushed him off, a grin just as big on his face.
"What, I accept your differentness, and you insult my moms?"
Chris punched his arm. "Shut up, Shelley. I accept your differentness every day." Chris sat back on the bed, feeling better than he had in a while. He didn't understand how Alex took the news so easily, but he chose not to question "Look man, I got a favor to ask you. Do you mind going up to Detroit with me?"
Alex plopped down next to Chris. "No problem. Why are we going to Detroit?
"Got to see the family." Chris ran a hand through his hair, still smiling. He couldn't believe how much easier he felt now that Alex knew everything. He couldn't even name a single reason why he didn't just come forward before. "If that goes half as smoothly as this did, I've got a lot to be grateful for."
"What about your guy pal?" Alex said, "What's going on with that? Is he still confused?"
Chris nodded. "He and I have been done for a while now. And I miss him every day. I mean, I still see him, but it's not the same, you know?"
Part of Alex wanted to dig, wondering who the he Chris kept referring to was, but he kept silent. He didn't want to make Chris too uncomfortable, especially since he was so clearly hurting. "I could imagine. So, just tell me when we're going, and I'll get ready for it. Just give me a head's up before time, alright?"
"Thanks." They stood quiet for a while, but then Alex broke the silence, obviously thinking about taking Chris' mind off the situation.
"Can I kick your ass on the Box now?"
Rough hands wrapped in the dark, shoulder length hair, pushing the owner closer as their tongues dueled. AJ didn't let up, holding his grip, feeling Chris move in his lap. Chris' own hands were on his shoulders, also working to keep them close together. Neither man cared much about breathing, just about the kind of feelings they were bringing out of each other.
"Fuck Allie, you're going to kill me here," Chris grinned, panting.
"Will you stop calling me that?"
"Ask me again later, Allie." Chris pushed AJ down, quickly holding AJ's wrists down next to his head, just watching the man breathing under him. "You know what you fucking do to me?"
AJ didn't say anything, still just breathing, a small smile on his face. He had some idea, apparently. Chris smirked, forgetting the question, moving his hands away from AJ's wrists. "Can you keep your hands up here for me, Allie? As a favor."
AJ nodded, his fingers wiggling a little but his arms didn't move from their spot. Chris bent down, speaking right into AJ's ear. "Now I want to see how long you can keep them up there. You ready for that, Allie?"
AJ's eyes snapped open, his whole body in a cold sweat. Of all the nights to dream of, to think of, it had to be the one night they got close. The night that they nearly passed the realm of 'fooling around' and touched something real. AJ remembered how afraid he got, moving his arms and grabbing Chris' wrist with both hands when the fingers accidentally brushed too close. Frightened of where they were going and how much he wanted Chris to continue.
"Damn it." AJ's hand went up to his head as he stood up, wiping the sweat from his face. Why would he dream of that after the night he had with Chris? He went back to his room, not even calling Taylor to ask if she was coming to his room that night; he went straight to bed, angry and confused. Wanting to punch Chris in the face and beg for his forgiveness at the same time.
First the thing with Taylor, and then this... things were quickly spiraling out of AJ's control. And that very thought was what found him, three hours later, in his car, driving around the town with no destination in mind. His phone was shut off; he could deal with the rest of the world when his mind was clear again.
He eventually pulled over near a church, feeling the need to go inside as soon as he passed it. He opened the door, very few people inside as it was a Saturday, but there were scattered people praying at the pews. He walked down the aisle to the front, where the pulpit was, sitting on the closest bench. Staring up at the cross behind it.
When he was a child, his mother always insisted they sat in the front row. At their church in Gainesville, little Allen Jones always stared up at the big cross, especially when the pastor said something he couldn't quite understand. For some reason, the looming cross always intrigued him.
"Can I help you, my son?" AJ looked away from the cross, the pastor smiling above him. He was middle aged and balding, but he had a jolly face and a calming demeanor. "I haven't seen you around here before."
"I'm just passing through, thought I'd come in," AJ said quietly, "Was hoping to get in touch with God again."
"No better place, my son."
The pastor patted his shoulder, about to leave, but AJ said, "Wait." The pastor stopped, looking at AJ as he held his hands together nervously. "Can we talk?"
"Sure." The pastor sat on the pew, next to AJ. "What's on your mind, child?"
AJ inhaled, and he said, "I have this... friend." The pastor nodded, prodding him to continue. "And he's recently gotten out of a relationship with another man."
"A friend, you say?" AJ whispered yes, knowing that the pastor probably didn't believe him, but he had to keep up the act for himself. "Alright then, continue."
"Well, he's stopped the relationship because he knows that he shouldn't be with another man, and he's trying to get his life back on track... but he can't stop thinking about the other man." The pastor continued nodding, taking in everything AJ said. "He's trying everything, but nothing's working. He can't stop thinking about him."
"Has he been thinking of him in a sexual way?"
AJ nodded. "You could say that."
The pastor stood quiet for a moment, and then he said, "You know, it takes time, but homosexuality is an affliction that can be cured. The bible tells us that we are created to find our other in the opposite sex. By birth, we are all heterosexual, and certain events can twist a man or a woman until they like the same gender. But it can be cured. Through determination and faith and obedience in Christ, your friend can and will find salvation.
"Your friend must refuse the temptations, refuse to partake in anything that may cause him to stumble. He must ask the holy spirit to lead him, to guide him into the light and the truth, and to teach him how to properly relate to men. The homosexual lifestyle will never give satisfaction, or fulfillment- only ephemeral gratification and excitement. By submitting himself to the holy spirit, by choosing to deny himself what he thinks he craves, by following biblical truth... he can heal his sexual brokenness."
AJ listened to each word, committing them all to memory. Wanting to believe that there was a cure, that there was a chance he could stop sinning each moment he lived and breathed. All because he couldn't stop having those damn thoughts about Chris Sabin. The pastor stood up and said, "Wait here, my son." He walked away, returning minutes later with a piece of paper.
"When your friend feels off track, point him to these verses in the scripture. Particularly this one." The pastor pointed, and AJ read, in the neat scrawl 1 Corinthians 6:9,10. "Make sure he chooses friends who will support his choice to heal from his psychological pain. And of course, tell him to trust himself to Christ and his teachings. And he will, I promise he will, find salvation." The pastor put his hand against AJ's shoulder, passing him the paper. "He can also look up testimonials from reformed homosexuals so that he can know that it does work, and he will find salvation."
AJ nodded, looking at the paper. Not recognizing any of the verses offhand but promising himself that he would look them up in his bible as soon as possible. He thanked the priest, staying a while longer to pray, for strength and for guidance, before heading back to his car. He folded the paper carefully, putting it in his pocket. Making sure he couldn't lose it.
He leaned against the seat, sighing. The pastor used words like affliction and pain, and they nagged at AJ. Nothing about his time with Chris was painful- nothing about what they did felt 'broken'. But he had to believe in the pastor, despite how off some things sounded... he was a man of God. He was trained in God's word. He said AJ needed faith and obedience, and it started there and then. Faith in a power above himself that would heal him, so long as he was dedicated to it. So long as he followed Biblical truth.
He began driving again, this time with a destination in mind. He wasn't sure where exactly he'd find it, but soon, he'd find a jewelery store. And then he could work on staying with God's plan, on his future. With Taylor.