Disclaimer: I do NOT own the following wrestlers, or any of the events that actually happened on camera, or anything else mentioned that is recognizable.
I respect the actual beliefs and sexualities of the following wrestlers.
"You awake?"
Chris could hear Alex, but he didn't answer him right away. He pretended to fall asleep somewhere by Pennsylvania, just wanting to use the time to think about things without disturbance from his idiot best friend. About his parents, about life, and about AJ. Half of him wanted to be back in Detroit, arguing with his mom and dad until they accepted that he wasn't going to change, but the other knew things weren't that simple. And he'd rather not know how his father's real reaction to his announcement.
It wasn't like he didn't like girls. He openly stared at many of the women TNA employed. And he didn't really like guys, just the one who was in a pretty serious relationship with a girl. It wasn't like Chris couldn't get over AJ. He just hadn't given himself enough time. Maybe, one day, he could fall for someone else, and things could be different. He could at least be friends with AJ, things could be better with his family, and things could stop being so damned hard.
But convincing himself of that seemed a whole lot harder to do.
He felt Alex's hand roughly poke into his side, making him jump. "Earth to the mothership, get your ass up, we're coming up at the hotel."
"I'm up, I'm up!" Chris said, rubbing his stomach. "Shit man, did you stab me?"
"Then why didn't you answer me?"
"I didn't feel like it."
"Well, fuck you too, buddy."
Chris sat up, rubbing his eyes like he'd just woke up, stretching out. He couldn't decide if he was happy to be in Florida or if it just depressed holy hell out of him. Maybe it was both. Could it be both? It kind of felt like both. "Hey, Alex?"
"Huh?"
"Thanks."
"No problem."
"I mean it."
"I heard you the first time." Alex said, "Really, it's no big deal. Unless you wanna pay me back, well then, I really can't stop you, can I?"
Chris grinned; God forbid Alex Shelley take anything seriously. And maybe that was exactly what he needed. It had been so long since he'd genuinely been able to just be Chris Sabin. Chris Sabin wasn't this guy, he wasn't old enough to be this mopey guy. Or serious enough. Or ugly enough. "What do you want?"
"Chili Fries. Alone time with my girlfriend. The Batmobile. And some weed. And not necessarily in that order."
"How about I get you the first, you work on the second, we forget about the third, and you share when you happen on that fourth one?" One day, Chris told himself he'd tell Alex exactly what everything he'd done from the moment he came out to him meant to him. But they were barely even legal; if he started telling Alex he was permanently indebted to him, he knew Alex would milk it for all it's worth for the next sixty or so years that they lived, even if they stopped being buddies. So for now, Chili fries would have to do for gratitude.
Alex grinned right back. "Sounds like a fucking plan, my man."
Eventually, Alex split, sure that Chris wasn't great, but at least okay. Chris couldn't blame him; Alex did have a life outside him, a girlfriend, other friends. If you asked him when they first met which of them would turn out to be the normal one, he would've never guessed Alex. But there he was, a vision of what a twenty two year old man should be. While Chris' life was in the toilet.
But he was ready to fix it. Or, start to. Maybe AJ's philosophy on their relationship could work for him; hook up with someone, and the feelings he had would eventually go away. And maybe he could mend things with his parents once he could tell them it was actually just a phase. Or maybe all his maybes were total bullshit, but he had to try. He had to try to make things better.
A lot of things went wrong for him, and maybe the best place to start was right where it all began- with AJ Styles. It was that very thought that brought him to the hotel room AJ was staying in, knocking on the door. Just don't let...
"Oh, hey Chris!" He put on the best fake smile he could manage; of course Taylor would be the one to open the damned door. He kept trying to remind himself that she had no idea what was going on, and that he couldn't blame her for anything; but that didn't stop him from hating everything from her perfect little smile to her voice. And he hardly knew the girl.
"Hey Tay!" Even his voice sounded incredibly fake. "How are you?"
"Great, thanks! Yourself?"
"Super," he said, giving her a thumbs up, "So... your other half around?" He really needed to remind himself to stop referring to them as a couple. They were of course, and he knew that, but acknowledging it made it harder to keep up the fake smile.
"Oh, yeah. AJ!" She turned around, shouting into the room. A few seconds later, AJ stood behind her, expressionless as he saw Chris. He wrapped his arms around Taylor's stomach, seemingly reminding him that he and Taylor were together. Like he could forget.
AJ's mouth curled into a smile, one as false as the one Chris was sporting. "Hey man. Heard you and Alex were outta town."
"Yeah, well, can't keep Chris Sabin away from the action for long. So... can I talk to you for a minute? Won't take too long, swear." Suddenly, Chris couldn't help but be grateful for Taylor Wilde. If AJ had opened the door on his own, there was a chance he could've said no. With Taylor there, he couldn't refuse without making her question what was going on.
"No prob." AJ pressed a kiss to Taylor's cheek, whispering that he'd be right back, before she let him through.
"I'll bring him right back, Taylor," Chris shouted.
"Take your time!" Taylor closed the door as AJ nodded down the hall, asking Chris without words to walk with him. They quietly walked down the hall for a few minutes, no words forming between them. Chris tried to find the words to say, but he couldn't bring himself to start, so he just focused on aimlessly walking down the hall.
Eventually, he managed one word. "So."
"So." AJ echoed the word, seemingly unsure of how to talk to Chris either. It reminded Chris of the disaster at the diner; they were awkward at first then too. But one of them had to break the silence, bring things to ease. And hopefully, this time, things wouldn't blow up in his face again. As Chris opened his mouth, ready to work through the awkward silence, AJ began to speak. "M'actually glad ya came by. I've been wanting to talk to you too."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah. Was waitin' for you to come back."
"Well, I'm here." Chris turned to look at AJ, surprised to see that his face was looking reflective. He didn't look angry, he just looked thoughtful. "So, should I go first, or you?"
"I'll go first." AJ leaned on the wall, collecting his thoughts, before saying, "I'm sorry."
"Wait, what? Why are you apologizing?" Chris asked, caught off guard. Of all the things that could possibly have come out of AJ's mouth, that was the last thing he thought of. "
"Because of... what happened. The last night we saw each other." AJ sighed. "You didn't deserve that, man. I guess I overreacted... I shoulda understood where you were coming from. M'sorry."
"Al, I overreacted. I was the one who said we couldn't be friends. And after everything I said, I'm the one who has to apologize." Chris looked down, wondering if he could actually do this. He knew he had to; he and AJ had too many friends in common, and a job in common. Eventually, someone would wonder what was up, and questions would be asked. He couldn't try to get over what they had unless they made peace, and let things go back to normal. "Sorry, AJ. And... you and me can be friends. I... want things to go back to normal too."
AJ nodded, just taking everything in. "So... do you think we can? Get things back to normal, that is."
"We're two capable guys. It shouldn't be an issue. I mean, things won't be exactly the same right away, but it'll be okay at least." Chris smiled, trying to reassure AJ and himself that they could do this. That in no time at all, he and AJ could fool everyone they knew into thinking that nothing ever changed between them. "AJ, I've been doing a lot of thinking since... you know. And maybe you were right."
"About what?"
"About... us going nowhere." He knew he didn't believe himself, but he could lie. Not the best way to begin their new start, but it was the best Chris could offer. "So, here's to a new start." Chris held out his hand, offering it to shake.
Instead, suddenly, AJ's arms were around him in a friendly hug. Chris blinked, but then he put his arms around AJ too. He felt nice, warm. And in that moment, Chris remembered every reason why he cared about Allen Jones the way he did. Dammit, AJ...
"Thanks," AJ said, patting his back before he pulled away. "You have no idea how much this means to me."
"I think I do. Means a lot to me too." Chris wished he could read AJ's mind, find out exactly what he was thinking. "And for what it's worth, you and Taylor look great together. Wish you two nothing but happiness."
"Thanks Chris." AJ smiled, this one more genuine. He actually looked thankful that this all happened. Chris couldn't help but wonder how much of that had to do with the fact that he gave up on the 'not friends' stance. "Same to you, man. So, I'll catch ya around?"
"Of course. Take care, man." Note to self: no hugging AJ. At least not until you're well into this 'getting over him' thing.
"Right foot green!"
Petey sighed, putting his leg between Traci's, bridging his back in an attempt to keep upward. His left foot was on blue, and so was his right hand. He could feel himself shaking, but he wasn't going to lose to Traci Brooks. He'd already beaten Chris, now all he had to do was beat Traci. Alex and Chris chuckled to each other; they were pretty sure Petey was going to tumble.
Alex flicked the spinner, watching it turn until it landed on a color. "Alright Traci. Right foot blue."
Traci nodded, taking her right foot off of red and moving it to a blue space. Petey turned red, trying not to stare directly at Traci's tits, but it was hard when she was arching over him. "What's wrong, Petey?"
"Nothing... I just..." Can't stop staring at your tits...
"Left hand yellow!"
"What?" Petey shook his head. He couldn't stare at Traci's chest. It was rude, and shit was it distracting. He moved his hand to yellow, making his position even more awkward. Between that and trying not to ogle Traci, he knew there was no way he was winning this one. He stumbled, his back touching the mat, laughing at himself.
"And we have a winner!" Chris shouted, "Miss Traci Brooks... or should I say her muffins. Damn Trace, that was evil."
Petey stared up at Traci, who just grinned down. "I wanted to win, sorry." She jumped up before offering her hand to Petey, helping him off the floor.
"Hey Traci, can I stare at your muffins?" Alex asked, "I'll let you win any game, swear."
"I doubt your girlfriend would like that."
"Well, she's not here, is she?"
"Pig."
Alex made an oinking sound, and they both laughed. Petey looked over at Chris, with a look saying can you believe this guy? Chris just shrugged; there was no way he was changing Alex Shelley now. "So," Traci said, looking over the three men, "Who's next?"
Three games later, the door opened, and Gail came in carrying two bags, both filled with drinks. "I come bearing gifts. And idiots." She walked inside, letting Christopher Daniels walk in, holding three boxes of pizza, and AJ brought up the rear with bags filled of what could only be such foods as Cheetos and Doritos.
"Sweet." Alex stepped forward, grabbing a bag from Gail, pulling out a bottle. "Oh dear baby Jesus I love you." He brought the bottle up to his lips, kissing it, before looking over at Gail. "What? I love you too, but we were drinking water over here. We were in major need of booze." He looked over at Chris, nodding him over. "Let's go Danny, we've got people to feed!" Daniels carried the boxes over to the bed, opening the first, and letting the smell of a supreme pizza fill the room. Everyone gathered around the pizza, ripping off slices for themselves.
"Hey, can we get at our cheese?" Traci asked.
"In a minute, the men are eating." Gail slapped Alex's shoulder, making him mouth 'What did I do?'
AJ put the bags down on the nightstand, making his way over to the pizza. He ripped off a slice for himself, stuffing a chunk into his mouth. "Hey, AJ?" He looked up, seeing Chris. They didn't talk much anymore; not unless there was a big group of people around. They were definitely never alone. "Please tell me you got my cool ranch."
"Wouldn't forget them."
"You rock, bitch." Chris bit into his own pizza, savagely eating it as well. Some things never changed, and one of those was eating habits. It had been a little over a month since Chris and AJ decided to try being friends, and Chris thought they were doing fairly well. Sure, he still thought about AJ every now and then, and maybe AJ was the one he was thinking about the last time he had some 'self-improvement' time, but he'd been able to keep things friendly. Work, video games, moments like this when they were all bored and decided to eat pizza and play twister in Petey Williams' room; it was pretty normal. He'd pretty much fooled everyone.
Except Alex, but he never said anything about it. He'd pretty much taken the stance 'you're a grown man, I'm pretty sure you know what your doing, I won't step in.' He was grateful for it too. If Alex ever decided to question if he was okay with hanging around AJ, Chris was pretty sure it'd make him question himself. At least he hasn't had to apologize over the past month; he'd already done it way too many times with AJ, for mistakes and things he wasn't even sure he had to apologize for.
We're moving on, Chris reminded himself, trying not to dwell on... that stuff. Whenever he saw AJ and Taylor together, saw that sweet grin on AJ's face, he knew that he'd managed to move on. There were no more awkward moments. AJ seemed genuinely happy with work, his friends, Taylor, and life in general. And maybe one day, Chris could follow his lead.
"So, who's up for some Halo?" Alex shouted out, taking another slice, "Loser has to eat Petey!" Everyone laughed as Petey nearly choked on his pizza.
AJ crashed on the mattress as soon as he got back to his room, unable to keep the grin from his face. There was nothing better than pizza, video games, and watching Alex Shelley try to force Christopher Daniels to eat out Petey Williams. For so long, normal felt out of his grasp, yet here he was. It was as if the last few months never happened. More days like this, more nights with Taylor... he was sure he'd be able to get it clear out of his head.
He hadn't given more thought to proposing since the night he went drinking with Harris and Storm. He remembered it every time he went through his bag and passed the small box, but he always told himself that he'd know when the time was right to propose. And it wasn't. Not yet, anyway. For now, he would happily stick to dating Taylor, strengthening his relationship with her. The right time would come, soon enough.
He could feel the bed dip under her weight, and he moved over, giving her room. Soon, she was laying right next to him, snuggling into his side. "You tired, Allen?"
"Yeah. Forgive me if I fall asleep on top of you." AJ pressed a kiss to her forehead. "What did you do today?"
"Met with my mom, talked some. She wants to know if you can come home with me for Christmas. She wants to cook for you."
"Tell her I'd love to come over for Christmas."
"Good. She's been wanting to meet you for a while." Taylor wrapped her arm around AJ's midsection, leaning against his chest. "Also did some Christmas shopping."
"Oh? Get me anything?"
"You'll have to wait on Christmas for that, big guy. It's just another two weeks. So... get me anything?"
"Little hypocrite." Taylor giggled. "Oh, and you think it's funny, huh?"
"No, I think you're cute." She kissed his chest before looking upward. "My parents are going to love you, you know that, right?"
"You really think so?"
"Yeah. They'd be crazy not to." She grinned. "So, you wanna give me a hint?"
"You wanna give me a hint?"
"I asked you first!" Taylor laughed.
"Alright. Well... it's something. A solid object, you can say."
"You ass." She slapped his stomach, making him laugh. Yeah, he was in a good place right then, and he wouldn't trade it for anything. Sure, he still thought about the past every now and then, but it was happening less and less. His obedience was paying off, every step he took to reform was paying off, and he had no doubt that he'd soon be ready to take the next step with Taylor.
Things were finally going his way. And hopefully, it would only get better from there.
It was easy for Chris to pretend things were alright when he was surrounded by people, having a good time. But then he went to bed, and in the silence, he remembered everything.
If it wasn't AJ he was thinking about, it was his parents. Sometimes, it was both. But he'd throw himself into the charade until he damn well believed it. He'd allowed Petey to hook him up on dates, none going to well. He wrestled. He had fun with his friends. Things were closer to the way things were. No relationship, no matter how much Chris cared for him, was worth not talking to his parents for over a month. He'd missed Thanksgiving, unwilling to find out if his parents still wanted him around. And now Christmas was coming up, and for the first time in all twenty three of his years, he would probably miss that too.
"Shit." He put his hands on his head, sighing. He couldn't imagine Christmas passing by without him seeing his parents, giving them a gift, getting one of his own. Tasting his mom's roast. Laughing as Uncle Patrick ate popcorn off the hangings, only to get lectured by his mother later. And that pudding he didn't really help his grandma make but took credit for anyway; he just licked the spoon clean and washed the dishes for her when she was done.
Finally, he picked up the hotel phone, using it to dial his house number. He didn't use his cell, too afraid that they'd see the number and automatically reject him. He just wanted to hear their voices, and possibly see if there was a chance that they'd be willing to talk to him. After three, long, fear-increasing rings, he finally heard a "Hello?"
"Mom, please don't hang up," he said. He couldn't keep himself from begging; it was like he was a child again. One time, when he was little, maybe five, he decided to play the 'I'm invisible' game. His parents eventually began playing along, and even when he wanted to stop, they kept it up. He remembered crying that he didn't want to be invisible anymore and that he wanted some of momma's "scetti", and his mom picked him up and apologized until he stopped weeping.
It was like he was invisible again. And although he wasn't crying, he felt just as upset as he did all those years ago. Hearing her voice, so warm and kind, when the last time he saw her she told him through tears that it would be best if he left, just crushed him.
"Chris? Chris baby, is that you?"
"Hi ma," he said, "It's me."
"Good God." She sounded close to tears herself. "Chris, I was beginning to think I'd never hear from you again."
"You could've called me, ma. I was the one you kicked out of the house."
"No, no! Chris, it wasn't like that. I'd never kick you out of the house."
Chris couldn't say a word without yelling at her, and that was the last thing he wanted to do. That was exactly what she did. Finally, he took a breath, preparing to speak again. "You told me it would be best if I left."
"Because your father was upset, and I didn't want to see things get worse!" He was sure she was crying then, and he immediately felt terrible. He knew he was right, but he didn't want to hear his mother cry. "You have to know I'd never abandon you. Chris, I love you. You're my baby."
"I love you too, ma," he said.
"I was shocked, sure, but... if that's what you are, I'll accept it. You're still my Chris." He could hear her blow her nose, and all he knew was that he wanted to be beside her. Hug her. "Chris, you have to believe me, I'd never. Please tell me you believe me. Please."
"I believe you." He could hear her mutter thank you, more to some mystical force- or maybe God- than to him. It was probably the most times he'd heard his mother address God in his whole life. After a pause, he said, "Has... dad talked about me?"
"No. Not since the day you were here. He... he looks at that picture of you. You know, the one of you in your little league uniform?"
"The one where I don't have my front teeth?" Chris knew the picture. He hated it. An incident with a bat knocked out his front teeth, and for some reason, he liked to grin wide when he was little and poke his tongue through the opening. He looked like an idiot. But his father loved the picture, hanging it up in the living room. He told the story of the bat knocking out his teeth like it was some heroic tale.
"Yeah, that one. He looks at it all the time, and when he does, I know he misses you."
"But he hasn't said anything."
"He will, honey."
Chris sighed; at least he didn't know what that meant. It could mean he needed time to accept it, or it could mean that he wanted nothing to do with his same-sex loving son. If AJ were a girl, all his problems wouldn't exist. And he still didn't understand why it was a problem. He knew the arguments, he wasn't an idiot, but he just didn't get it. It made no sense to him at all. "Ma, I... I want to talk to him."
"I know you do, but you have to give him time. He'll come around, I know he will." She didn't even sound like she believed herself right then. "Just give him some time to think it through. He loves you, Chris."
"Alright. I will." He nodded, knowing he'd probably be spending Christmas in Orlando. Alone. After they filmed on the 21st, people would filter out to their homes, and Chris would try to distract himself in the hotel room. He could already see this being a terrible, terrible experience. But he couldn't let her know how disappointed he was. He couldn't make her cry anymore.
Life sucked balls.
AJ couldn't believe how cold it was in Toronto. He was lucky Taylor reminded him to bring a coat; he was so used to Christmases down south that he probably would've forgot it. He knelt down in the snow, running his fingers through it. It was nice. It felt a lot more like the kinds of Christmases he saw on television.
A bunch of Taylor's cousins were having a snowball fight, while the female family members attempted to make a snowman which looked a lot more like a mountain. Most of the adults were inside, cooking or putting last minute decorations up for the next day, but some were around, watching the younger ones run around the yard, throwing snow at the kids playfully as they passed.
A snowball slapped him in the head, making him look up. The kid was maybe seven, giggling at his triumph. AJ grinned before grabbing a handful of snow, giving the little boy a chance to run before he tossed it in his direction. He expected it to miss, but he wanted to play along.
"You know, you play along, they come back." AJ turned around, smiling up at Taylor. She held out her hand and he took it, letting her help him to his feet.
"Maybe I want them to," he said, "They look like they're having fun."
"Aren't you glad you came now?"
AJ put his hand on the back of her head, gently bringing it over and kissing her forehead. "Already was."
"Now kiss her on the lips!" AJ and Taylor both turned, seeing a little girl grinning up at them. AJ couldn't see much of the small girl in the coat, but her face was a lot like Taylor's. He could tell they were pretty closely related. Taylor laughed, waving her hand as if to shoo her.
"Come on Shantelle, give us some space."
The little girl pouted. "Come oooooon, Auntie Taylor." She walked over, tugging AJ's arm. "Make her play with me, please?"
"Well, I can't make her do anythin'." AJ said, kneeling down so he can look in the Shantelle's face. "Tell ya what, I'll play with you though." Shantelle grinned, leaning forward and pressing her lips to AJ's cheek.
"Come on, I wanna make a snow fort!" AJ stood up again, allowing Shantelle to pull him away, laughing. He turned back to Taylor, shrugging.
"I guess m'making a fort!"
Taylor's smile grew wider. "Can't wait to see it!" AJ hoped Shantelle knew how to make forts; he had no idea where to begin. But he wanted to try to make a fort. And he liked feeling like he was a part of Taylor's family.
Things were falling into place for AJ. This was something like the life he'd always seen himself having.
"You handled my family well." Hours later, as the loud pre-Christmas cheer died down into excited sleep in hopes 'Santa' left the children the things they wanted, AJ and Taylor were able to wind down. AJ looked around Taylor's room; it looked like it hadn't changed since she was a teenager. Pictures littered the room of a younger Taylor, at school, with friends, with family. There were some certificates for perfect attendance on her dresser, and a ribbon for English hung off the top of her mirror.
"Your family was easy to handle."
Taylor nodded, noticing that AJ was looking around her room. "I'm not here enough to redecorate it, you know that?"
"It's cute."
"It makes me feel like I'm still sixteen." She walked over to her bed, sitting down and smiling up at AJ. "Like you're the guy I snuck up here for some alone time."
AJ joined her on the bed, chuckling. "How many guys did you sneak up here?"
"Allen, a lady doesn't kiss and tell."
"I thought that was gentlemen."
"Them too," she nodded. "So... guess what time it is."
AJ turned, looking at the clock on her nightstand. "12:13."
"You cheat." She chuckled, but then she bent over the side of the bed. A few minutes later, she came back up, holding a bright purple bag. "Merry Christmas, AJ."
"Thanks, Taylor." He opened the bag, pulling out a tin container. He read the name across the top in his head, sure he'd mess the last name up if he said it aloud: Jean Paul Gaultier. He had no idea who that was at all.
"You don't have much cologne, but I thought you'd like this one." AJ opened the tin, taking out the oddly shaped bottle. He sprayed some on his hand, taking a small whiff of it. It didn't smell bad; it was actually pretty nice, but AJ couldn't see himself using it. The colognes he did own lasted for long periods of time because he never really used them. He didn't say anything, not wanting to tell Taylor he wasn't much of a cologne guy, instead walking to his bag. He dug around, looking for the small blue box, a necklace he'd bought at Gail's suggestion. He went back over to Taylor, holding out the box. "Merry Christmas Taylor."
She took the box, opening it and smiling at the necklace. She picked it up, holding it in front of her face. "It's beautiful." She leaned over, pressing a quick kiss to AJ's lips. "Thanks baby." She placed the necklace back in the box gently, placing it on the bedside table. "You really enjoying yourself here?"
AJ nodded. "Thanks for inviting me."
"Anytime." Taylor lay there quietly for a moment, just looking peaceful. "Maybe next time, I can go over and spend time with your family. It'd be nice to have one Christmas when I didn't freeze my ass off."
"We'd happily have you over." As he said it, he realized that Taylor just suggested that they could possibly be together a year from then. If there was any time to propose, it would be the perfect time to do it. She admitted that she saw this as a long time thing, he wanted this to be a long time thing; he could go to his bag and kneel on one knee, make it official. He liked her family, had fun with her, they shared a profession and a passion, she liked his family... there was no reason for him not to propose.
But he couldn't bring himself to move from that spot on the bed, ruin the peace they made.
Finally, he leaned over, pressing a kiss to her cheek and whispering Merry Christmas one last time before turning off the light. Things were perfect the way they were; there was no need to rush. He didn't need to propose yet.
Chris was relieved when people started flying in. He had spent most of his holiday with such loyal friends as Jack and Jim and General Tso and three different versions of Ebenezer Scrooge, and he was relieved when the first people started coming back. He was best around other people; when there was no one to keep the charade up for, he found that it was near impossible to pretend he was happy.
But people were back, and that's all Chris wanted. Company.
He wondered how Alex's time in Canada went. He didn't meet Gail's family, he said, but they spent a lot of time at her place. They went out for dinner on Christmas and spent every other day holed up in her house. Chris had no idea that Alex had the mental capacity to spare the gory details, yet he did.
The wonders of a steady girlfriend.
He stood outside the hotel, waiting for Alex and Gail, ready to force himself into their business third wheel style. They could have alone time at night; he was in desperate need of company, of something to do other than eat bad takeout and drown himself in alcohol. Finally, he saw Alex in the passenger window, banging his head to some unheard song. As it stopped, he walked over, knocking on the window. Alex lowered it, grinning over at him. "You missed me that much?"
"Shut up." He didn't need to know how much. He held out his hand, giving Alex a high-five, before looking passed him to the driver. "Well. My my, Gail, you gained some pounds."
"Yeah, and I cut my hair too. How does it look?" AJ asked sarcastically.
"Gorgeous. Dump the zero, Gail. You deserve a hero." Chris winked over at AJ before flexing a muscle. He didn't expect to see him there, but he'd act like nothing was wrong, even if it meant flirting with Gail "Styles" Kim.
"I might actually take you up on that offer," Gail called from the back. She opened the back door, hopping out, and Taylor came out after her, passing Gail her baggage. Chris said hello to both of them, still unable to keep the fake honey smile from his face when he talked to Taylor. It was a shame and he knew it; he didn't know Taylor. For all he knew, beyond the bubbly exterior lie someone pretty cool. She was a pretty good wrestler, from what he'd seen of her work. But as it stood, she had someone that, at the end of the day, beyond all the jokes and friendly gestures, he wanted. He just couldn't like her.
Ah well, he was a grown man and he was allowed at least one irrational hatred. Or two.
"So." Chris pointed from Gail, to Taylor, than to Alex. "Where'd you pick up the strays?"
"We were all flying back from Toronto, so we decided to fly together," Gail said, "It gave me something to do other than listen to Alex fart for four hours."
"I did not fart. AJ, tell her I didn't fart."
"I don't get involved in domestic disputes," he said, putting his hands up in innocence.
Alex flipped AJ off, before turning to Chris. "I was the picture of great seating buddy. AJ's being a dick."
"You stole my cake."
"I thought you didn't get involved!"
"You called me names!"
Chris scratched his head, watching them go back and forth, unable to keep back his amusement. He held out his arms, more so because he felt more comfortable with the situation the sillier he was. "Ladies, since your men obviously want some alone time?"
Gail and Taylor both shared a grin before going on either side of Sabin, grabbing his arms and letting him lead them inside. AJ slapped Alex's side, showing him that Chris was taking their women. "Way to go, Styles, now Sabin has our girls." Alex reached out, hooking his arm around AJ's like Chris did with the girls. "You owe me."
Alex knew exactly what Chris was doing, had been doing for the past month or so. And he decided not to ask any questions because, most of the time, Sabin looked genuinely happier than he had in a while. But he couldn't help but wonder if this pretending nothing happened thing he and AJ seemed to be on was actually working. Until he got proof otherwise, though, he'd play along.
Chris waited with the girls inside, just grinning as they talked about some story they heard on the way over. Eventually, Alex and AJ came over, bearing keys. They all went upstairs; Chris watching as they put stuff down and settled in. Instead of being a third wheel, he got to be a fifth. But the more the merrier, even if the more included Taylor Wilde.
"Hey," Alex shouted out, "You guys up for a movie? There's that scary Christmas flick I wanna see." A few different versions of yes came at him, making him pump his fist. "Yes! No way to cap off the holidays like watching pretty chicks die."
The more people that came back, the easier and easier it got for Chris to lose himself in working and having fun. New rule- being alone gives one time to think, so it's a terrible, terrible thing which should be avoided at all costs. Chris didn't want to think. He wanted to just do, distract himself with spitting contests with Sonjay, playing pranks on Joe or Petey, or playing video games with Alex, Daniels, and AJ. The multi-player always made for fun times, even if Alex screen-watched the whole time and got more head shots than anyone.
When he was alone, there were only thoughts of loneliness, of betrayal, of feelings that were still very real, of fresh pain. His mom, crying. His dad, not saying a word, just walking away from him. AJ, all those months ago, staring at him with guilt filled eyes as he tried to explain why they weren't going to see each other anymore.
He had to move, to joke around, to smile. It was a temporary escape, but it was escape nonetheless. And it was better, at least, then where he was before.
Once actual tapings and shows got underway again, Chris also had the luxury of being completely exhausted sometimes. When that happened, there was a lot less thinking and a lot more sleeping. The more occupied he was, the better life went. It wasn't perfect, but at least he wasn't drunk behind a dumpster hoping that AJ cared enough to at least come find him when he was in that state.
Tired, somewhat okay, and not all kinds of fucked up: it was the best he was going to get, and sometimes, a man needed to know when to settle. Especially when he had matches like the one he had that night- even if he had to eat a Canadian Destroyer, he felt pretty damned good, high off adrenaline and surrounded by guys joking around and talking about their matches.
"What have we got here?" Chris turned around, chuckling as Daniels held something out of AJ's reach. Normalcy. It was kind of nice, knowing that through the shitstorm, some things didn't change. Friendships didn't change. Daniels still bullied AJ, and little things like that made it easier to believe that life was still somewhat
"C'mon, give it!" AJ said, reaching to get it, but Daniels stepped backward. He was unwilling to let the game end so soon.
"I just wanna see it, AJ. What, a gift for your lady?"
"What's it to you?" AJ lunged forward, but Daniels dodged quickly, barely avoiding being tackled down.
"Just let me see it!" Daniels looked over at Sabin, and nothing needed to be said. He knew how keep away worked. He put his hands up, catching the box when Daniels threw it to him. AJ whirled around, shock written on his face.
"Sabin, hand it over," he said quietly, holding his hand out.
"What's the matter, giving up already?" Chris chuckled, opening the box. He quickly pasted a smile on his face, hoping his initial reaction wasn't too apparent. He looked up at Daniels, who looked surprised, and AJ, who was looking at his feet.
"Congrats man!" Daniels slapped AJ's back. AJ laughed a little.
"Don't jinx it, Chris, I ain't ask her yet." AJ moved forward, taking the ring box from Chris' hands, wishing Daniels hadn't taken it from his bag, or that he hid it in a better place. Something. Anything.
"Why would she say no?" Chris asked, trying to sound half as excited as Daniels did, "You two are all over each other. No way she'd say no." He watched without a word as AJ put away the box, zipping his bag quickly as if it would erase what Sabin and Daniels just saw.
"Thanks guys," he said, "Chris- uh, Daniels Chris- m'gonna go out by the car."
"You could just wait for me," Daniels said, "I won't be long."
"Just need to walk. I'll be by the car." AJ kept walking, not waiting for Daniels to respond. They both watched AJ walk away, Daniels shrugging once he was out of eye range.
"He must really think Taylor might say no. I wouldn't have played around if I knew it was that."
"Don't worry about it, Chris. Just don't bring it up. AJ's just being sensitive." Chris grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder. "And you really need to change your name dude, I feel like I'm talking to myself."
"I was Chris before you were even thought of. You change your name." Chris shook his head, walking out of the locker room, chasing after AJ. He wasn't even completely sure why, but he had to talk to him, especially after seeing the diamond AJ had, obviously preparing to make the big step with Taylor. He got into the parking lot quickly, finding AJ throwing his bag into the trunk. Chris grabbed AJ's shoulder, making him jump.
"Holy crap, don't sn..." AJ turned around, facing Chris. For a moment he just stared at him, unsure of what to say, but feeling the need to say something. Finally, he managed to say a few words. "Great match tonight, man. That cradleshock looked pretty brutal."
"Yeah, sure," Chris waved it off. AJ knew that Chris wasn't there to make small talk, and Chris wasn't willing to tip toe around what he was really after. "So. When you gonna ask her?"
"I don't know," he admitted, staring past Chris to a spot beyond him. "I'm sorry."
"No, she's your girlfriend, you have the right. I just didn't think it'd be so... soon." Chris squeezed his fists, trying not to show how upset he was. But AJ undoubtedly caught onto it, the mask Chris prided himself on crafting slipping right in front of him.
"I'm sorry, Chris, I..."
"Don't explain. Really. You two are staying together. Looking happier and happier every time I see you. Practically married already." He smiled at AJ as best as he could. He knew AJ didn't believe it, but he had to try. For AJ and for himself. "It was going to happen sometime. Like I said, didn't think it'd be so soon." Chris couldn't make heads or tails of AJ's guilt-ridden expression; he didn't do anything wrong. In fact, he did exactly what he wanted to do. He was well on his way to making that family he mentioned. AJ should've been happy. And in that moment, he wondered if AJ was just like him, pretending to be happy. He didn't think AJ was upset, no. But he wasn't happy.
Neither of them were better off. AJ was on the cusp of what he thought he wanted, and there he was. Apologizing for it. "Is it really impossible?" Chris asked. The question visibly threw AJ, confusion mixing in with the guilt.
"Is what impossible?"
"That you and me can be alright?"
"I am alright, Chris," AJ asserted, but Chris knew he was lying. They both did. AJ put his hand to his head, looking down. "I don't know, okay?" He tried, he really did. AJ threw himself into falling in love with Taylor, doing everything, even buying a ring. But he just couldn't do it. She was great, but he couldn't do it. And he couldn't bring her before God and promise his love when he wasn't in love with her.
And hearing Chris say he had the right to marry her was what finally made him realize it. He couldn't marry her. He couldn't leave her. He couldn't lie anymore. He had to keep up the lie. It seemed either way he went, he would still sin against God.
"I wish you tried lying again."
"Would you have believed me?"
"I would've tried." Chris laughed hollowly. "You know, you made me think it was possible. That maybe I could... 'reform' too. Fix all the shit life's piled on me. But fuck, if it's not working for you..." He didn't need to finish the thought. AJ just felt his heart sinking, watching Chris. He did that. He ruined both their lives just to trespass again. And he was this close to ruining Taylor's life too, making her fall in love with him when his mind was somewhere far from hers. If he had any sense, he would've ended it when it was just fun and games. He wouldn't have led Chris on until he fell in love with him.
He wouldn't have kept it going until he fell in love with Chris.
"I'm sorry," he said again. It was all a mistake. All of it. And now AJ and Chris were too deep in to rectify it.
"Stop apologizing." Chris stepped forward, reaching out his hand and grasping AJ's. His thumb ran over the palm of AJ's hand, just trying to keep him from saying those two words again. Even if Daniels or any other passerby saw them, they wouldn't notice their hands right away. "It is what it is, AJ. We've got no choice but to work with it." He squeezed AJ's hand before letting go, not willing to risk holding it longer. "Really. I wish you two nothing but happiness. She's... going to be a great wife. You're lucky to have her."
There was nothing else he could say. He'd probably just make things worse anyway. He waved at AJ, starting to walk towards his car, telling himself not to turn back. Another look at AJ's lost face, and Chris wouldn't have been able to keep what was left of his countenance up.
He damned everyone. His dad, mom, Taylor, God, AJ, himself, and all the rest in between them. Nothing was alright. And there was no sign of that changing.