It started just like every other day for Buck.

He woke up in the morning, prepared the breakfast for him and Chris while he had his first coffee. He really liked these first few minutes for himself inhaling the silence, before Chris alarm clock would roll him out of his bed and everything suddenly started to get going.

Usually that was the time to catch up with Chris telling him everything about what Buck had missed: How he got a praise for doing his math homework without a mistake from one of his favorite teachers, how he and his friend got in a fight whether superman or badman was the better superhero and how he helped Carla making spaghetti for dinner last evening.

He loved this time with his son. Just the two of them talking about everything and nothing. He was so thankful to have these moments. Chris was growing up way to fast and sometimes it was difficult to keep up with the time. So much has changed over the last few years. Sometimes it seemed that it was just yesterday that they moved to L.A., that he graduated fire academy and became part of the 118.

After the first few weeks he had thought it was a huge mistake, coming into this city by himself, with a kid with special needs, enlisting for the fire academy and no one to help. But he had managed. They had. They were so lucky, Buck thought while listening to Chris chunter about his English teacher who apparently talked to much for Chris likings during his lessons.

Smiling Buck told him that it was time to get ready for school, while he ran his fingers through Chris' hair. It was unmanageable like most of the times, which meant that it was definitely time for a haircut during the next two weeks or so, Buck thought.

"But it's too early", Chris told him rolling his eyes.

"No more eyes rolling, I told you Chris. And yeah, I know, but there is a heatwave which makes people go crazy, especially when they are driving their cars. Plus: we were already late two days ago", Buck told him to hurry up, while he was cleaning the dishes.

"But Mr Thompson said it was okay, when I arrived", Chris said stubbornly as he shrugs his shoulders and Buck had to hold onto himself that he not started laughing.

"Yeah, and that's a nice thing to tell you, but it shouldn't happen often. It's an unpolite thing to do, you know?", he explained to his kid, while watching him putting on his shoes.

"Okay, ready to go", Chris opened the door and walked with his crutches through their small garden and as if he were a clairvoyant, they really needed almost 15 minutes longer than normal to school. And then he needed another 10 minutes more to drive to work and it really stressed him out. Sweating he ran into the fire station to the locker rooms, finding Hen and Chimney already talking and gesturing towards Chimneys mobile phone, barely noticing Buck's arrival.

"Hey, guys! What's up?" He leaned towards the mobile phone and saw a couple of half-naked photos of Chimney. "Really? You want to submit these? You will stand no chance. Look at these", he showed them his. Proud that his additional workout had paid off. These last few weeks had been hard. But he would love to be part of the LAFD- Hot Firefighter Calendar. For charity of course and a little bit for himself. Time rushing with Christopher made him feel old and he wasn't even 30 yet.

"You, too? Really? This calendar is such a stupid reductive, sexist thing to do, that insults the dignity of this organization and furthers the myth that all firefighters are male", Hen told them, shaking her head. "Why would you even like to be treated like meat?"

"It's for charity", Buck told her while changing.

"As if", Hen snorted.

"Yeah, and you mentioned it yourself, it's also for visibility", Chimney continued to defend them. "When I, we were young the world was just white. All the superheroes, bad ass agents in cinema, even the firefighters you saw on the news. I would have loved to see someone like me or you on TV. An Asian or black firefighter or police officer, just to know, that there is a chance to become someone like us. And not just a banker or some other shit."

"Yeah, but really? This way?", Hen asked in disbelief as they were leaving the lockers, greeting the other shift, which were already about to clock off.

"Really, and nice story, Chim, but still no chance for you to be picked. Because I am working with DXA Scans and these new app on my phone. See", he pointed at an image on his mobile phone with the silhouette of a human body in different color shapes. "It measures your body fat. You can see the percentage in every part of your body. I trained with this the last few weeks and look at these babies. They are ready for the world to see", he told them smiling while stretching his biceps in front of them, earning irritated looks from their other colleagues.

"Yeah, maybe they are. But are you?", Hen asked walking upstairs.

"I don't know what you mean", Buck said while following her to the coffee machine. He did know what she was talking about, and it made him all tense. It was as if someone put his entire life under a spotlight.

"You know exactly what we mean, Mr. Nice deep story Chim, but back to the important trivial things of life, Buckley", Chimney said while standing right next to him at the countertop, holding the cup in Bucks direction.

"And don't even start to take Chris as an excuse", said Hen doing the same, watching Buck closely as he pours them coffee.

"But it's true. I barely manage to have enough time for my son. He is in a good place right now, for the first time it feels like I have life under control, and I don't wanna risk that for nothing. Besides, I am really happy with being single: no strings, no pressure", Buck puts the coffeepot back in its place with a little bit more force than necessary, taking a deep breath.

"Buck, I hate to tell you that, but I think you're confusing the issue a little bit", Hen said while placing a hand on his shoulders. "I mean, you feel comfortable with your life right now. But you' re not happy. There's a difference."

Searching for help he looked at Chimney, who was sipping his coffee in the background, nodding. Brilliant, Buck thought, the two of them have talked about him without him. How he loved that idea. Not. "That is not true."

"It is. Buck, you said it yourself: your life is fine. You are ready for the world to see. I mean what else is the point in all that training and submitting photos?" –

"Healthy lifestyle?", he suggested smiling.

"Buck… Chris' mother is dead for how long exactly?" Hen asked.

"8 years", Chimney answered for him, while Buck stubbornly crossed his arms in defense.

"8 years. And I know it's hard to start a new part of life, letting go. But you can't be alone forever. You don't want to look back and regret what you have missed in your late twenties, which should be the best time of your life, just because you're afraid of new experiences. I mean I get it, that you have to be careful, thinking about Chris and all that, but that is no excuse to be alone for the next twenty years. So: what's holding you back besides you yourself?", Hen asked him, with this wise tone of life experiences, Buck sometimes hated so much, feeling Chimneys hand on his shoulders: "We don't say find the new love of your life just now. We are talking about a little fun. Going out there, dating nice women and eventually you find someone special on the way."

And he knew it. Maybe they were right, but they were also wrong, because… Wow, he wouldn't even know how to begin, how he not exactly lied to them all, but somehow yes, how they all were missing a piece of their picture of Bucks life, that he would rather forget than to bring back, because it was painful, didn't even matter anymore, but was everything he could think of at the same time. And wow, he never had been so fucking grateful, when the alarm went off.

"This conversation is not over", Chim assured him as they were running downstairs and Buck sighed but saying nothing at all. It wasn't the first time they had talked about this. But the first time his friends were that serious about.

"Ready to move", Bobby greeted them, getting fast into the ladder truck with a small smile on his lips.

"What are we facing, cap?", Chim asked looking out of the window. The heat wave has turned the city into a dessert a few days ago. The trees were brown, as well as the bits of green spaces in the streets of L.A. The sky was cloudless, the sun mercilessly and the air above the city was hazing.

"You mean besides the craziness of this heat wave?", Bobby chuckled from the front seat.

"Do we even want to know?"

"There was a crash with a minibus", Bobby told them, and it really sounded not that exciting. But then they arrived at the scene, and it turns out, the minibus had fallen of a cliff and crashed into a house with a party ongoing.

And with that, it turned into the day they all had expected: with all the craziness in one shift. A man who cemented his head on a microwave, an old, dehydrated lady falling into a water fountain, getting a heart attack, several pets who had to be rescued out of different cars. But the weirdest part the whole day was Buck fishing that amputated arm out of a swimming pool, so they all thought they got lucky: nothing more than a few bruises and concussions and Buck appreciated the distraction because it kept Hen and Chim busy. It kept his thoughts from spinning around.

A few hours later they were all tiredly standing in front of the ladder truck, cleaning the dust away, hoping for a quiet night, the heat of the day had taken the most of their energy. The only one who seemed as fresh as in the morning was Bobby. He was watching them from above, trying to cheer them up with a suspicious high amount on compliments. He even registered the new hairstyle from one of their colleagues.

"Are you okay, Cap?", Chimney shouted upstairs as Bobby told him, that he was doing a great job with wiping up the door handles.

"I'm great. Why?" –

"You sure? No… dizziness or dehydration? Headaches?", Chimney asked, and Buck laughed out loud:

"Yeah Cap, how long have you been standing in the heat today with the sun burning down on your helmet, melting your brain?"

"Can't I be just in a good mood?", he asked. "And Buck, you missed a spot over there."

"Really, Cap?", Buck sighed and started to look closely over the surface as the alarm started again and all of them were groaning. They really would have rather enjoyed the meal Bobby had cooked.

"Bad juju for joking with your Cap", Bobby came running down the stairs. While everyone was hopping on the truck again. The city was sinking into the red light of the sun set, while still hazing. Silently they were sitting side by side, while Bobby was listening to dispatch.

"Okay listen guys: we have a 50 something male, owner of a gunshop. He was cleaning his weapon and we all know where this will end", he told them as they were arriving at the scene. It was a gun shop at a small shopping mall. The big parking lot already empty with the shops closed.

"Sure, we do Cap", Chimney said while bringing his rescue bag.

"Fire and Rescue. Hello? Is anybody in here?", Bobby announced as they entered the shop, walls full of weapons, looking for hints where their victim was.

"We're here", a voice shouted clearly in pain from the back office.

"Okay, Buck, go get the gurney, while Chim and Hen will have a look how bad it is", Bobby told him.

"Copy that", Buck turned around, leaving the shop. He got the gurney out of the ambulance, wondering how it's possible to work at such a dark place. Small windows, high walls. He didn't like the idea of weapons surrounding him, he thought as he entered the shop again. He followed the voices into the back office, feeling watched by several stuffed animals who were spread over the whole shop.

"- it's not that kind of a grenade. It's a 40- mike mike. A practice round for an M203 grenade launcher", the victim explained in pain as Buck entered the room, where the victim was laying on the ground, moaning in pain, his leg already in constriction. And the first moment he couldn't see it. He couldn't see him kneeing in front of their victim, checking the wound because he was hidden around the corner of the file cabinet.

"Yeah, I saw metal. I think the femoral artery was hit."

But Buck would always remember his voice. Even if he hadn't heard it for years. He barely couldn't believe it. But there he was. Right in front of him. On the same continent, in the same country. In this city. Out of nowhere. Turning his whole life upside down, just like that.

"Okay, he needs to get into a hospital, now." Bobby looked at him expectantly, but Buck needed a moment to remember that the world hadn't really stopped. "Buck?"

"Uhm… Yeah. Sure", Buck answered, and he really would have appreciated, if time had remembered, that slowing down wasn't a thing that happened in real life. But him turning around, making space for the gurney, suddenly freezing in his movements with his brown eyes widening in surprise.

"Evan", was everything he said, before dead silence spread, and surprised glances were wandering back and forth between the two of them.

"Eddie."

…

"You two know each other?" Hen asked.

"Barely", Buck answered short and moved the gurney into the room, as Charlie let out a cry of pain and a lot of new blood flooded the ground.

"Shit", they all moved their attention back to their victim. "Okay, hangin' in there Charlie. Stay awake okay?" Eddie said while he pressed with his hands against the wound to stop the blood as he suddenly froze again: "You told us, it is a practice round."

"It is", Charlie cried.

"No, everybody needs to get out of here. Now!", Eddie turned around, looking at Buck.

"What's going on?", Bobby asked alarmed.

"You see that? Practice rounds have blue caps. Gold caps are live", he pointed towards the wound, while pressing harder with his hand to stop the blood as Charlie passed out.

"You sure?"

"He served multiple tours in Afghanistan as an army medic. I think he is sure, Cap", Buck answered instead of Eddie with a flat voice, earning suspicious looks from his team.

"Dispatch this is 118. We need bomb squad right here at the gun shop. We have a live round embedded in our victim's thigh. Evacuating the building now", Bobby said into his radio, looking straight into Bucks eyes.

"Dispatch to 118. Bomb squad is on the way. They are 7 minutes out. Copy that?", answered the voice from the radio immediately.

"Copy", Bobby said, turning around to his team. "Okay, you heard me, evacuating the building. The mall should be empty, but I want to be sure of that. Buck, Hen, Chim, I want you to look around for other civilians-" –

"But I thought this thing already went off?", Chim asked. Nobody of them moving.

"Believe me. It didn't. This kind of grenade has two components: gun powder, which makes it travel, which it already did, and an explosive charge, and that makes it go boom", Eddie explained with a dangerously calm voice.

"Maybe it's a dud shot and that's why it didn't explode." –

"No! Okay?! I've seen this before", Eddie exploded, before forcing himself to calm down again, pressing harder against the wound. "Please, the only reason, why it hadn't exploded yet is that there is a proximity fuse. A sensor that tells the cap it travelled a safe enough distance from the shooter to explode. From his hand to his leg just wasn't far enough. So, believe me when I tell you, that it's not safe in here and you have to leave now."

"You heard him-" –

"But Cap!" Buck contradicted Bobby desperately, who only shook his head:

"No, I need you three outside, searching for civilians while we are waiting for the bomb squad to arrive", Bobby repeated looking to each one of them.

"But he is a civilian, too", Chim tried to change Bobbys mind.

"Yeah, and he has a hand pressed on a wound with a live bullet in it. We don't trigger this thing any more than we have to. And we don' t let this man die either. So, please: Go!", Bobby commanded.

"Okay." – "Let's go."

Hen and Chim were turning around, waiting for Buck to follow them.

"Buck."

Slowly he turned around with one last look at Eddie, who was staring at the victim. Who hadn't changed at all, but somehow seemed different. Colder, quieter, hardened. Or maybe that was all he ever was, and he didn't notice.

"Yeah, right behind you."

In silent they went outside to the parking lot. And for a moment Buck was listening to the night, looking up to the stars as if the universe had answers for him.

"So, you and him… How do you know each other?", Hen asked looking at him as if she knew exactly that he was lost. Drowning in his mind. Thinking, that maybe his parents were right, and it was all his fault, looking through rose-colored glasses back then when it was as if his dreams had come true, just to turn into his biggest nightmares not even a year later.

"This is uhm Eddie… He's … He is Chris biological father … and my husband."