"Any of you who wish to come are more than welcome,"
Oh, they were, were they? Alex rammed a hard fist into the punching bag. A grim sort of satisfaction settled in his gut when it shivered beneath his hand. How he wanted to blow something up right now…
"What about Charles?"
Alex swung around on one heel and delivered a right kick to the bag, and another and another, all without moving, letting his body do what it was designed to do. Help him survive. It was times like this when Alex felt most in his element. When he could forget the world and the worries and just go back to the basest, simplest thoughts of eat, fight and breathe.
"He isn't coming. He doesn't believe in it,"
Of course he didn't! What Erik wanted- world domination- was wrong. Whether humans or mutants started it made no difference. What was wrong was wrong. It was hypocritical. It went against everything Alex had thought they were fighting against. But it seemed that Erik had possessed his own agenda. Now he was just leaving them all behind. Alex should have known. Guys like Erik never stuck around long. And Raven… He could at least blame Erik's leaving on his insanity and nature but her?
"What if we don't want to go?"
Alex was not leaving. He did not care about the war Erik claimed was coming or evolution or the future or anything. All he knew was that when Erik and Charles had found him in his prison cell all those months ago, he had been alone. He had wanted to be alone, and his life had been a torment of loneliness, pain and guilt. Then they had offered him a purpose and a team. They had offered the thing Alex had most wanted his entire life: a family. And unlike Erik, he knew what family meant. It meant that you never left the other person behind. Not for anything.
"If you don't want to come, you're more than welcome to stay with Charles. He'll be going back to the U.S."
Why Erik had phrased that as if it were an insult was slightly offensive. Alex was an American. Mutant or not, he was still proud of that fact. Sweat stung at his eyes as he hopped on his toes around the boxing bag, ready to extinguish it. Alex knew that things were probably going to get ugly in D.C, but he was ready for that. It was only natural since people had never known about mutants until now. If things did get ugly, Alex would be there to defend his friends, especially Charles. The guy was in a wheel hair now. He would need some looking after. He had believed in Alex when no one else had. Alex was determined to repay the favor or die trying.
"Erik…You don't have to do this! Surely you knew none of us would come willingly?"
Alex had liked Erik. The guy was not very emotional and frankly sort of scary but there were times when he showed a bit of humanity. Like the early days of trials with Banshee's suit and the little red head had flown out of the window with a yelp. Alex had watched as Erik nearly toppled to the ground laughing. And as he had watched, before he knew what was coming, Erik had pulled him and Raven down into a pile of hysteric giggles. It was then that he had started to see the other man as an older brother of sorts. His older brother was abandoning them.
"I wouldn't say that. I'm going, after all,"
And Raven. She had become a little sister to him in the past few months. He knew he was not as close to her as Charles was, but that did not matter. She was still Raven-funny, unsure, sweet-he felt responsible for her. When he had learned she was going with Erik into war… He slammed both elbows into the punching bag with a roar of rage. How could she do this to them? To Charles? Granted, Alex had seen what Charles had done to her. He had erased her memory and never told her about his dad and stuff, but…That was no reason just to up and leave; was it? Sure, Charles did some stupid, bad stuff. But he was a good man. Why couldn't they just talk it out? Alex huffed, knowing that if it had been him, he probably would have left too after learning that.
"We're leaving first thing in the morning with Shaw's mutants. Who's coming with us?"
Alex had been relieved when no one had raised their hand. Instead, Hank had shook his head, staring at Raven as if he did not know her. Sean gazed at them blankly as if he could not remember who they were and Alex stood there fuming. Why did everything good in his life get ripped away? And what was this, fraternizing with the enemy now? Shaw's mutants? Angel and the other two? Those traitors!? Alex slammed his fists against the punching bag, getting loser and his jabs becoming faster as fury built inside of him. They were supposed to be a team.
"It seems you're going alone,"
Despite himself, the hurt in his chest grew when he remembered how devastated Raven had looked. She turned to Hank, eyes imploring, but Beast turned away. Erik had gazed at them sadly, but he did not try to convince anyone. Instead, he met eyes with Alex, and the sorrow there nearly sent him into a rage at once. What right did Erik have to stand there and pretend they were the lost ones? What right did he have to break apart their team and yet gaze at them with remorse?! It wasn't fair. Alex wanted to be angry at him, wanted to blame them both, but he couldn't… Damn it, he could only miss them already and hope to everything good they did not get hurt or worse out there. Damn it!
"So be it,"
The punching bag was suddenly gone. Alex realized his eyes were closed and opened them to see the source of his anger lying on the ground a few feet away. He had snapped the chain. Alex stood there a moment, breathing hard and trying to get himself under control.
"Impressive," he swiveled around, startled by the sudden voice. He was surprised half way out of his boots to see Charles in the doorway. His metal wheelchair twinkled in the gym lights. Alex realized that he alone stood there, dripping sweat. The men on board had learned that it was a bad idea to come down here when he was in a bad mood. Charles wheeled himself inside, gazing at the chain Alex had snapped.
"You did it without your powers, even," the professor observed shrewdly. "Erik taught you well," for defensive fighting and martial arts skills had fallen to Erik to teach them. Charles had proclaimed it uncivilized and opted out. Alex happened to know that that had not stopped Erik from giving the professor some advanced lessons on it though. Charles probably knew karate by now.
And he was in a wheelchair.
Alex snatched out the protective mouth piece so he could speak freely. "Yeah," Alex gulped. "So, did he tell you?" Charles nodded and sighed, turning his wheelchair towards Alex. He gazed at him with bloodshot, dead eyes. Alex shuffled awkwardly. It did not take a Hank-sized genius to tell that Charles had been crying.
"He told me first, actually," of course. That was why Charles looked so calm. He had known before Alex.
"And Raven?" He instantly regretted asking when he saw Charles flinch as if he had been struck.
"I know." Okay then. Alex suddenly wanted to offer the professor a beer. He looked like he needed one. "Are you going with them?" Charles then asked, and Alex felt a rush of anger again.
"No," he told him emphatically. "How could you even ask me that, Charles? I don't believe in their stupid crusade of justice or whatever they're calling it. It's stupid and arrogant. Besides, I'm not leaving…" he halted, before he could finish that sentence and totally embarrass himself now. Charles needed no more explanation anyway. He smiled lightly raised his hands in a sign of peace.
"I was just asking. It is good to know someone is sane on this boat, at least," Alex felt guilt stab at him. After the week Charles had had, he did not deserve to be yelled at even more. Alex was too proud to apologize though.
"Yeah," he mumbled again. "You know Hank and Sean aren't…?"
"Going, yes. I already asked them," Alex nodded. Then, as something occurred to him, he waved at his forehead.
"Why didn't you just read our minds? It would have been quicker," as soon as it came from his mouth he realized it was the worst thing to say. Charles's eyes flashed and his face drained of color.
"I…" Alex watched Charles struggle for control of whatever emotion was strangling him. "I've noticed that reading people's minds has gotten me into quite a bit of trouble nowadays," no more needed be said. Alex really felt bad now. He scratched his head, wondering how to say what he wanted without sounding…Well…Mushy.
"Listen prof," he began. "Not that I want you going on a joy ride through my head or anything, but… I trust you, ya know. In there, I mean. I mean you, like, trusted us enough to know so I… I mean I just… I trust you," well, from that conversation he was sure it was obvious that he was the most intelligent being on the face of the planet. Charles was chuckling though, not in a mocking way but just… In that quiet, caring way of his that let Alex know he was pleased.
"Thank you, Alex," Charles said merely. Alex gave an uncomfortable shrug.
"Yeah, well…" he was not feeling a spread of warmth in his chest because who did that? He was almost eighteen for goodness sakes; he couldn't just walk around feeling stuff. It was unnatural, more unnatural than his entire existence already was. Alex glanced down at the professor, and from the amused smile could tell Charles was listening to his every thought.
"Well," Alex repeated with finality, that being the only thing he had to say on the matter. I'm an articulate eighteen year old, after all, the number brought an image unbidden into his head, one which did not come from his memory.
"Hey Charles," he suddenly said aloud, voicing his thoughts. "Whatever happened to Josef and Hilda?" Though it had been asked out of genuine curiosity, the way that Charles's gentle smile suddenly dropped into an expressionless scowl complete with eyes darkened and dead made a shiver run up his spine. He suddenly felt cold.
Charles did not deny him knowledge though. It seemed he had learned his lesson about withholding information. Still, when he spoke it was as if he were reading out of a textbook. "Have you ever heard of a pogrom, Alex?" He asked emotionlessly. Alex shook his head. The word sounded bad, though.
"No," I have a feeling it's not good though.
"It is a mob harassment or killing of Jews," for one of the first times Alex saw rage flicker in Charles's eyes. He recalled Josef and Hilda, the love he knew Charles had felt for them despite their differences. "Do you remember what you told me equality meant?"
"You and I are the same,"
While Erik and Raven wanted freedom, Charles wanted equality. Alex wondered which he would advocate for. "There were quite a few after WWII ended. I'm afraid," a sigh. "Josef and Hilda were caught in one," Alex gulped. They were dead, then, the only parents that Charles had ever really had.
"I'm sorry," he truly was because he knew… "My parents are dead, too," Alex was startled by the voice that had just said that. Had it been his? He had not meant to just burst out with that. Charles cocked an eyebrow at him, but said nothing. He only sat there, listening. Alex felt as if he had to explain himself now that he had just popped out and said it.
"I mean, I think they're dead," he stammered. "I always told myself they were, but I don't know. I guess they could have just left. No one told me," his grandparents had raised him and Scott. Cranky and bitter, his grandfather had always sneered that he reminded him of his father Alex had learned early on in life that that was a bad thing. His grandmother had been kinder, but weak-willed.
Any abuse their grandfather dished out with his tongue their grandmother would happily agree with if only to spare herself. From her Alex had learned selfishness. He hoped Scott would not learn the same. Last he had seen his little brother; he was living with an aunt of theirs, a gentle and passionate surrogate mother. But not gentle and passionate enough to accept any disruptions in her house, and Alex counted mutation as one of those. Alex had left before his powers ruined the one chance at a normal life that Scott had.
"Maybe they knew about my mutation. Maybe they just didn't care. I don't know," he scuffed his shoe on the boxing mat and jammed his hands into his pockets. "Prof, do you think…?" He trailed off, relaxing that his rambling had taken him down a vulnerable and dark path. He clamped his mouth shut. Years of learning what not to say in order to keep Scott relatively healthy in the head stayed his tongue. But he had forgotten that Charles, too, was a big brother. And what was more, he was a telepath. The other smiled sadly.
"No, Alex," he told him softly. "I don't think you're like your parents. You did leave your brother, that is true, but I doubt your parents-if they did leave- had quite the same motives. I don't know if what you did was actually the right thing to do, but I do know you did it with a good heart. One day, Scott will understand that too," Alex felt tears sting at his eyes. His shoulders sank a little in relief. He had told himself that at least ten million times by now but just hearing someone else say it took some of the guilt away. He nodded.
"Thanks, Charles," said man nodded and it only took an Alex-sized genius to know what he was thinking. "You know," Alex said, wanting to give something back to make Charles feel better. "I don't know if what you did with Raven and everything was right either, but I do know you did it because you wanted her to be happy. One day, Raven will get that," and the light that suddenly brightened Charles's eyes made Alex feel as if he were not such a failure after all.
Charles's shoulders loosened. "Thank you, Alex. We should get to bed," Alex nodded and snatched off his boxing gloves.
"I'll wheel you there," they had a long day tomorrow after all. It was when Erik and Raven were leaving and on from there to D.C to help decide the fate of mutant kind. Alex prepared himself for the worst. He was relatively sure this might be the last day of peace he would have for awhile, and that thought made him feel very, very alone. That feeling was quickly ousted by a gentle voice in his mind though, as comforting as a flame and wise as the wick.
"You're with friends now, Alex," Charles told him. "You're never alone."