King Arthur stared out the window of his chamber at the grey and soggy morning. Clouds hovered barely above the castle walls and everything was thoroughly soaked after a day of rainfall. He should be going through his correspondence, but Merlin was perfectly capable of reading the tedious missives and advising Arthur of the important things.
He pondered when it was precisely that his manservant had gone from dogsbody to clerk, scribe, and advisor. It wasn't when Arthur became aware of his friend's hidden talents; it had been before that, shortly after Agravaine's betrayal. Gradually they had fallen into new routines. Arthur was pleased to have Merlin assume the administrative tasks Arthur hated, and besides there were so many of Merlin's former duties George was better at. The fastidious servant was unfailingly courteous, punctual, thorough, and well groomed, qualities Merlin did not possess. Now that he thought about it, Arthur wondered exactly where the younger man had been on those many occasions he was absent or late to his duties; doubtless magic had been involved.
The king stared at the dark head bent over the pile of parchments. He looked like the same peasant boy who had polished the prince's armour, mucked out stables, emptied chamber pots, and laundered clothes, although he had matured with age: his build more muscular, his face more angular, and his voice deeper. He still dressed the same. Arthur idly wondered whether the man owned more than two shirts. If not, they were kept in remarkably good repair. Guinevere had tried to explain once that the rough fabric worn by the lower classes was much more durable than the expensive materials worn by nobles. It looked itchy and Arthur's shoulders twitched as he imagined having to wear such clothing.
Arthur heard Guinevere come up behind him before her arms slid around his waist and her breasts pressed against his back. He turned around to embrace her in return.
"This one is from King Rodor," Merlin announced as he set one parchment aside and picked up the next. "He is congratulatory on your recent victories against Alined and Urien." Merlin's eyes scanned down the page. "He thanks you for keeping the peace and he wants …"
When he said nothing more, Arthur looked away from his wife to see Merlin's face had gone pale. Then, before the king could question such a strange reaction, Merlin collected himself and went on in an oddly flat voice.
"He would like Princess Mithian to have a permanent home in Camelot and he asks you to arrange a suitable marriage. She arrives in a fortnight."
Frowning at his friend's lack of enthusiasm, Arthur said, "But this is good news. I feared with Rodor's illness Meliant may be less kindly disposed toward us and give Urien an opening to forge an alliance between Rheged and Nemeth. However, if Meliant's sister is a permanent member of my court we can count on the prince's support no matter what develops with Urien. Why would this proposal bother you?"
"Me? I'm not bothered at all, I'm glad," Merlin said with a tight-lipped smile.
"This really is good news!" Guinevere smiled happily. "I look forward to Mithian's company."
Arthur gave his wife a grateful look. "You wouldn't mind her presence?"
"Of course not. Surely you don't think I'd be jealous after all this time?" Guinevere did not wait for a response before she continued. "Is there any hint as to who they have in mind?"
"No one, but Rodor has included a list of criteria to assist in choosing someone appropriate." Merlin retrieved the parchment and handed it to Guinevere who took it eagerly, running her eyes down the page.
Her nose wrinkled in disgust. "This details the required rank, size of estate, extent of land holdings, number of servants, number of residences. It reads more like a business proposal than an attempt to find a husband for a beloved daughter."
Arthur raised his brows at her. "There is no doubt Rodor dotes on his daughter so he would want to ensure she is properly cared for. She's not going to cook her own meals or sew her own clothes." He looked thoughtfully out the window. "It will not be easy to come up with a suitable husband. I'm not sure even Leon's estate would be considered sufficient to maintain a royal bride."
Guinevere sighed. "I do know how these things are supposed to work, but I hoped this proposal was the result of Mithian's desire and not strictly a strategic move. Rodor does say she specifically requests we choose a man whose home is within the city so that she can live here."
"Perhaps you can make up a list of eligible suitors and when Mithian arrives you can help her find one she will fall madly in love with." Arthur gave his queen an indulgent hug.
"I will," Guinevere responded challengingly, leaning back from the embrace to look him in the eye.
Mithian smiled at the formal welcome she and her attendants were given when they arrived at Camelot's citadel. The king and queen were attended by several knights in red capes with chain mail glistening in the sunshine ranged along the palace steps, framed by red banners with the golden dragon which hung limply in the warm day. It was not quite as grand as when they had expected her to be queen, but it was an impressive show nonetheless. Arthur and Guinevere stood front and centre dressed as finely as Mithian herself, waiting calmly to greet her once she dismounted.
The princess was not fooled by King Arthur's calm detachment at her arrival; she knew he was both pleased and relieved by this permanent tie between their kingdoms. Her father had not relaxed his implacable condemnation of sorcery or Camelot's tolerance of it, yet this gesture of sending his daughter to marry and settle in Camelot proved his respect for Arthur.
She frowned to think how frail her father had seemed when she left, he who at one time had stalwartly led his own army and dared to dispute Uther over the sovereignty of Gedref. There was no doubt her brother would be king before the year was out. Meliant was a good man, but he leapt to conclusions too quickly. Part of the reason Mithian had agreed to marry now was to ensure her brother could not easily break with Camelot. He shared their father's disapproval of magic, and whereas their father had grown more lenient with age, Meliant was young enough to be intolerant of those he disagreed with. He would not have countenanced Arthur bringing Merlin to Nemeth had Meliant known that the man was a sorcerer.
Mithian's eyes searched the crowd around the king and queen but she could not see Merlin's familiar face. It was uncharacteristic for him to be absent from Arthur's side and she wondered if she was the reason. She felt her cheeks grow hot at how anxious she was to catch sight of a mere peasant, a man with no land and no income, and her concern with what he might be thinking or feeling. Determinedly, the princess focussed on the warm greetings from Arthur and Guinevere and followed gratefully after the servant who had been tasked with showing her to her quarters.
She had been given the largest, warmest, most comfortable chambers in the citadel save only the queen's apartments. She had been afforded a look at the queen's apartment on her first visit to Camelot which she was told had been closed off from the time of Ygraine's death until Guinevere's coronation, except for a brief period when they were apparently occupied by a troll. Mithian had been unable to discover the story behind that odd, cryptic remark. The queen's chambers were more luxurious than even the king's – either the current or previous king. Arthur had kept his own chamber rather than occupy his deceased father's larger rooms. In fact, gossip had it that the queen herself rarely slept in her beautiful chambers and both Arthur and Gunievere spent every night they could in each other's arms.
The happiness the two of them shared strengthened Mithian's determination to find a way to accomplish everything she needed to do without sacrificing her own happiness or, hopefully, anyone else's.
Merlin avoided accompanying the king and queen to greet Mithian's party when they arrived in Camelot at midday. It was painful enough to know she was here to cement the alliance with Nemeth by choosing a suitable husband from the list of high-ranking nobles Arthur and Gwen had assembled, no matter how often Merlin told himself he had no reason to feel that way. He had shared few conversations with the princess the handful of times he had been in her presence, and one kiss was hardly sufficient to make him feel like a jilted suitor. There had never been any hope of a courtship between them. He was thankful she had been honest with him and stopped him from making a fool of himself. More of a fool, anyway. He wondered if she had looked for him on her arrival or noticed his absence.
He continued to elude the visitors as well as Arthur and Gwen for the rest of the afternoon. His guardian gave him a few searching looks as he stabbed at the evening meal Gaius had prepared without eating much. Merlin had no intention of sharing the source of his melancholy, thankful Gaius was used to his ward's secretive moods and refrained from questioning the young man.
They had just finished their meal when the princess appeared at the physician's door. Gaius greeted Mithian cordially but Merlin only glanced up in dismay at the sound of her voice before staring fixedly at his uneaten supper.
"I wondered if I could have a private word with Merlin?"
Without raising his head Merlin knew Gaius' eyebrow had reached his hairline.
"Perhaps we could use this chamber," she continued.
Merlin heart thumped in alarm as Mithian strode across the chaotic workroom and up the few steps to the door of his tiny bedchamber. He looked helplessly at Gaius but his guardian merely watched curiously. As Merlin jumped to his feet he recalled what a state his room was in; untidy did not begin to describe the mess. He muttered an incantation under his breath as he hastened to catch up to Mithian before she got a glimpse of the disarray.
She had already reached the top step and as she glanced over her shoulder to give him an amused look, Merlin realized she had probably seen discarded clothes scooting under his bed and books closing themselves before they jumped up on the small table. He schooled his features into his most innocent expression and followed her into the tiny room, shutting the door before he turned slowly to face her.
Mithian stood with her hands clasped in front of her holding a pair of the gloves she usually wore, staring fixedly at the floor. "I have missed you, Merlin."
The words as well as her uncharacteristic shyness surprised him and he found himself at a loss for words.
"I was hoping you missed me, too," she prompted, glancing up at him.
"I did … I mean, it's good to see you," he choked out.
"You weren't there to greet me when I arrived."
So she had noticed his absence.
Mithian was twisting the gloves she clenched in her hands. "The last time we met you led me to believe, well, that you wanted to be with me. I was hoping your feelings hadn't changed because I wanted to ask your assistance," she began hesitantly before rushing on. "I was hoping you could suggest which of Arthur's nobles would make a suitable husband for me."
Merlin's eyes widened in shock. She was usually so observant, how could she not know how painful it was for him to even contemplate her marriage?
Without meeting his eyes she continued, "I thought you might know if there was a man amenable to the match who has no intention of sharing his wife's bed and would not object to my sharing it with another."
As his mind slowly grasped what it was she had asked, Merlin experienced a mixture of affront at what she was suggesting along with a spark of hope that she would go to such a length to have any relationship with him at all.
"I have shocked you again," Mithian said with an apologetic smile at his expression. "I am sorry this is all I can offer you, but I did explain about noble marriages – it's not about love and companionship, it's a legal contract to determine property rights and succession."
He was torn between contempt for the way the wealthy negotiated marriages and a desperate wish to take what she was offering even so. At the same time, he was conscious that she was the one bargaining away her freedom, placing herself permanently in Camelot to pledge Nemeth's commitment to Camelot while making few demands on him.
"Are you certain you want to do this?" he asked.
"I am most certain I want to remain here, close to you, for as long as you want my company."
That a beautiful, intelligent, charming, desirable princess claimed to want to be with him, knowing who and what he was, overrode his sense of injustice that his lack of rank and property precluded public declaration of her sentiments. "Lord Olwyne and Lord Eldred are devoted to each other. Lord Eldred married when he was much younger but Lord Olwyne never has. After his older brother was killed by bandits and his eldest brother fell in the battle against Morgana's troops, Olwyne became heir to his father's estate and title, even though he lives in his apartments in the citadel so he can be near Eldred. There is always talk about his parents pressuring him to marry but so far he refused. He might …" Merlin's voice trailed off but Mithian gave him a grateful smile.
"Then I'll speak with him," she said softly. She took a step closer to Merlin, making the tiny room seem even smaller. "It is good to see you again."
He tried to catch his breath but his heart had started racing at her nearness. Her dark hair was held back from her face with the simple circlet of braids she wore for travelling but her gown was as fine as any she had worn to court Arthur. A sparkling necklace drew attention to the tops of her breasts framed by the low-cut gown. Merlin dragged his gaze up but only as far as her lips. Then he took the final step to close the distance between them and captured her mouth in a kiss. In response, she slid her arms around his neck and pressed closer. Rational thought did not return until she ended the kiss and stepped back out of his embrace.
Her brown eyes were bright. "I hope that means you spared at least a thought for me during your recent adventures."
He was jolted by the memory of the spell that made him believe she was in danger and how desperately he had wanted to rush to her immediately. "I did."
She seemed gratified by the sincerity of his response, then she glanced at the door. "We should return to the main room before Gaius grows suspicious and comes to make sure I haven't taken advantage of you."
"Haven't you?"
"Not yet."
Before he got lost staring into her eyes again, Merlin forced himself to turn and open the door. He preceded her down the few steps and gave a properly deferential bow as she passed.
"Thank you for your help, Merlin." With a smile for Gaius she swept out of the room.
The physician turned an inquiring gaze on him but Merlin tore his eyes away from the princess' retreating back and sat back down at the table to finish his meal.
"Lord Olwyne, I wonder if I could have a word with you?"
The tall nobleman who had been addressed halted in the palace corridor. His eyes widened when he realized it was the princess from Nemeth who had accosted him. "Of course, Your Highness." He gave her a courtly bow.
"In private, if you please."
She had been waiting outside his chambers and he could not fathom any possible reason, but one did not refuse royalty. He opened the door he had been heading for and ushered her inside.
"My lord, I would guess you are aware of the purpose for my visit here."
It dawned on him then what her reason for speaking with him was. He smiled and he shook his head. "My lady, …"
"Hear me out, if you would. I think we can help each other."
As she outlined her proposal he wondered how she had come by her information about him. It was certainly more thorough than his scant knowledge of her. "I have successfully avoided any pretense of marriage up to this point. Why do you think I should break that now?"
"For the same reason as me," she said. "To please our families even though we cannot help where our hearts go."
"Deception rarely makes anyone happy," he said.
"Wouldn't a union with royalty please your family?"
Olwyne had to admit such a match would go a long way toward healing the rift that had developed between him and his parents since the deaths of his older brothers. Two boys had died in infancy. His eldest brother, a knight who had fallen in battle, had died childless and the middle brother had not married before his life was cut short by bandits. From having three grown sons to carry on the family name, his parents were now solely dependent on their youngest for the successors they so desperately wanted. He would never have children, but he could give them grandchildren with royal blood; his family would overlook much for such a happy outcome.
Olwyne could get along perfectly well without his parents' good opinion, but if this union would appease them and restore family harmony without interfering in his personal life, perhaps he should make the gesture. It would not cost him much after all, and the princess seemed charming company.
Mithian must have seen his answer in his face because she continued speaking. "All I ask is your respect and your discretion and I will grant you the same."
"Can I ask who your lover is?" he questioned, curious.
She hesitated. "No."
"You know trysts are never secret for long." As he well knew.
"You are correct," she said. "But I think it would be best to keep this one private for a while."
He examined her face, trying to ascertain if she had been entirely honest with him. She seemed sincere, and he sympathized with her situation as he had always pitied his eldest brother for being the one whose marriage would carry the weight of the family name.
"Princess Mithian, would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"
Mid-morning the next day Mithian heard a knock on the door of the chambers she had been given as an honoured guest of the king and queen. When her maid opened the door, Mithian was pleasantly surprised to see Queen Guinevere.
"Princess Mithian, could I speak with you?"
"Of course, my lady. Please come in." The queen was beautiful, with long dark hair artfully arranged in a crown of braids and dusky skin, but Mithian knew that was not the reason King Arthur was so enamoured of her. The princess had watched them as she and her father waited in Camelot until Odin had been removed so they could safely return to Nemeth. Guinevere had been unfailingly clearheaded and Arthur never hesitated to give her his full attention when she chose to speak to an issue. Mithian sincerely hoped she and the queen would become friends.
"You can call me Gwen."
Mithian smiled. "Thank you, Gwen. And you don't have to address me as Princess."
"Arthur and I prepared a list of noblemen." Gwen indicated a parchment she held. "I hope you don't think me too forward in speaking with you so soon?"
"On the contrary, I appreciate your kind concern. But I fear your efforts have been wasted."
"I knew it!" Gwen smiled broadly. "There is someone you had in mind."
Mithian wondered how she had given herself away. "I didn't have any particular husband in mind but a suitable suggestion was presented. I've spoken with the man in question and he's amenable to the match."
"So you have met him?" Gwen said, eyes bright with excitement.
"Yes, briefly, when we spoke yesterday evening," the princess answered cautiously.
"You like him well enough?"
It seemed an odd question. "I believe we are perfectly suited."
Gwen looked unaccountably happy. "May I ask who?"
"Lord Olwyne."
Gwen's face fell and Mithian felt oddly sorry for disappointing the queen, although the princess was not certain exactly how she had let the other woman down.
"Perhaps it would be best not to rush into any decision. There may be someone you fancy more," Gwen said.
"Is there a reason we should wait?" Mithian asked. "Olwyne is the heir to a perfectly suitable estate as I understand it and he seems pleasant and well-mannered."
"I'm not certain he would love you in the way a husband should love his wife."
"Oh, that. It's of no consequence to me that he's in love with another man, in fact it suits my purposes perfectly well." On the spur of the moment Mithian decided she would be candid with the queen. "He and I have already reached an understanding. I hope I haven't disappointed you? Present company excepted, noble marriages are a matter of strategic convenience, not love. I do hope that after all we can be friends? I would truly treasure your company. I certainly do not bear any grudge against you regarding Arthur's rejection of me years ago." Mithian hoped she had convinced Gwen of her earnestness and was rewarded by a smile.
"Honestly, I would like nothing more than a good friend. I have few at court, I'm afraid."
It did not surprise Mithian there would be disdain among Arthur's nobles about his choice of wife, although Mithian knew the queen was far from friendless. "You certainly have Merlin's loyalty. He did his utmost to be rid of me on your behalf when I threatened to become Camelot's queen."
"I hope you don't bear him any ill will? He is truly a good friend to both Arthur and I." The queen's anxiousness about Mithian' opinion of Merlin reminded her of his efforts to protect Gwen when Mithian threatened to steal Arthur.
"Don't be concerned, I know he's a charming man."
Gwen seemed taken aback at that description. "Charming is not a word I've often heard associated with Merlin, even though he is." Gwen leaned closer. "I was quite taken with him when he first arrived."
Mithian felt a stab of suspicion that perhaps Merlin's devotion to Gwen's happiness was more than just friendship.
"I never knew if he returned my affections, he was always too shy. I should be flattered he noticed me at all given his complete obliviousness to the other serving girls with their eyes on him."
Her suspicion that Arthur was not the only one to make her his second choice, cooled her tone. "Well, thank you for coming by, my lady. I hope we will have further opportunity to speak soon."
Gwen seemed surprised by the abrupt dismissal although she graciously hid it. "If I can be of assistance with the wedding preparations, please tell me."
It did not take Mithian long to track Merlin down. "I had a lovely conversation with your queen," she said, coming up behind him in the quiet corridor.
Merlin spun around, startled. He looked confused.
"She was kind enough to share with me how close you two are. Working side by side, I imagine it was only natural." His bewildered look was not fooling her. "That you would fall in love with her."
"Why would you think that? Because she kissed me?" he asked in surprise.
Mithian's anger changed abruptly to hurt. "A kiss?" At least she knew now her suspicions had been justified.
A slow smile spread across Merlin's face as the puzzled look faded. "It was the first time a girl kissed me. But then, I had just died."
"Died?" Mithian gasped.
"I couldn't let Arthur drink the poison," he explained nonchalantly. "I had to drink it instead. Then he risked his life to get the antidote and Gaius administered it but it was almost too late. It was sweet of Gwen to watch over me while I was ill. She's one of my dearest friends, has been since I arrived in Camelot. But only a friend."
Mithian wished she could undo the last few minutes. She had let jealousy make a fool of her.
"Arthur would have killed me before now if it was anything more."
A laugh escaped her at his joke. "I'm sorry, Merlin. I don't know what came over me to make me behave so foolishly."
"I'm flattered," he said softly.
She felt a flush warm her cheeks. Her gaze dropped to his mouth and she felt an almost overwhelming urge to kiss him but at that moment three of the palace serving girls came around the hallway corner giggling together. They smothered their laughter and hastily composed themselves at the sight of the princess standing in the corridor.
The shortest of the three young women, a plain-faced brunette with a buxom figure, gave Merlin a familiar smile and he greeted her by name. She gave Mithian a curious look.
"My lady." Merlin executed a proper bow to the princess as though he had received some instruction from her before he preceded the serving girls down the hallway, drawing their attention with him.
The princess straightened where she stood and gave every appearance of having already dismissed the king's manservant from her thoughts. The girls did not give her another glance as they continued down the corridor. For a moment, the princess envied the serving maids. Although their lives were bound to their masters and they had no say over much of their lives, they were free in a way Mithian was not – free to marry or not, free to give their hearts as they chose, even to act on their feelings if they wished and no one would gainsay them or even care. Only once she was married would the princess enjoy similar freedom, and even then only as long as appearances were maintained.
Mithian turned and moved away in the opposite direction down the corridor, longing for a taste of that freedom and hoped her wedding could be arranged in short order.
Mithian was flattered by everyone's efforts to make her handfasting a grand affair given the haste with which it had been arranged. The banquet tables were laden despite it being the end of winter and the dishes had been prepared with all manner of spices to flavour food that had been stored for months. She had even seen flowers gracing the hall and was well aware how time-consuming it would have been to find blooms this early.
Still, it was all blending around her as disjointed, vague impressions rather than clear memories as her anticipation grew along with her nervousness. When Olwyne took her hand to escort her from the feast she gave him a grateful look, happy to leave the guests to continue their enjoyment of the food and drink and entertainment.
Olwyne led her to her new chamber and accompanied her inside before executing a courtly bow. "And now, my lady, I leave you to enjoy your night as I hope to enjoy mine." He gave her an amused grin. "I believe Eldred was actually jealous given the cold looks I have been getting from him all through the celebrations which should make for an entertaining evening. We've gotten comfortable in our years together; it doesn't hurt to stir the pot a little." Olwyne gave her a wink. "You'll understand in time what I mean."
"May you have a pleasant evening, my lord," Mithian said with an answering smile.
After Olwyne left, Mithian turned slowly and her gaze roamed around the room and came to rest on the bed. As a married woman it was safe for her to indulge her passions, yet she was suddenly more than a little nervous.
Then her reservations were swept away by the sight of Merlin who had entered quietly through the servant's entrance. Her heart skipped a beat as he walked slowly up to her while she stood transfixed, staring at him. He held her gaze as he came closer until he was standing right in front of her. She tipped her head back to look up at him. His expression made her catch her breath, yet he seemed uncertain.
She lifted her hands to lay them on his shoulders, reminded of how strong those shoulders felt despite his lanky build, then she slid her hands up into his hair to cup his face and bring his mouth down to hers. The kiss was gentle and sweet but suddenly she wanted more. She pressed herself against him, wrapping her arms around his neck to hold him tighter. She felt his arms clasp her to him in response.
When they broke apart to catch their breaths, Mithian rested her forehead on his shoulder. His hands stroked her back and she eased her hold enough to tilt her head back. His hands stilled as she looked into his eyes. Then his gaze dropped to her mouth and she answered his unspoken request by kissing him again.
This time when the kiss ended her hands went to the lacing which held his shirt at the neck and she tugged it open. She slipped her hands under the garment, running her fingers across bare skin, pleased to hear his groan. She lifted the shirt up over his head and he let her, then her eyes followed the path of her hands only to gasp in surprise at the round patch of puckered skin in the middle of his chest. She ran her fingertips over the oddly circular scar before looking up at him questioningly.
An embarrassed flush had reddened his cheeks.
"What happened?" she asked softly. "I've never seen a scar like that before."
"It was a ball of fire in a duel with a High Priestess," he muttered, covering the blemish with one hand.
Her eyes widened. "A sorceress? But, that could have killed you."
Merlin gave her a lopsided grin. "I'm pretty sure she thought it had."
Mithian's eyes dropped back to his chest only to frown at the evidence of what had obviously been a deep wound below his left shoulder.
"A mace," he answered before she could ask.
She ran her hand over the mark, frowning. "It must have been a bad injury."
"It was so bad Arthur refrained from insulting me and even began complimenting me."
Mithian felt a tiny laugh escape her. "You're lucky you have such a good physician here."
A serious expression darkened his face. "It was Morgana who healed it."
"Morgana?" Mithian asked, shocked.
"She decided she had a use for me alive."
He rubbed the back of his neck and Mithian wondered what scar he had there. "Merlin, how many times have you almost died?"
His eyes jumped to meet hers and he flushed. "Well, I might have lost track."
"Merlin!" Her heart skipped a beat. "What if you had been killed before I even had the chance to know you?"
"You would have married a handsome prince," he said.
"I don't want a handsome prince," she said tenderly. "Actually, I want you."
He shook his head with mock sadness. "And I thought you were intelligent."
Mithian gave him an arch look as she stepped back. "You think too much." She undid the lacings of her gown, pleased to see that his gaze riveted on what she was doing. His eyes darkened as the dress came loose and his breath caught. She let the layers of silk puddle at her feet until she wore only her long-sleeved shift.
Merlin stood without moving, in fact she wondered if he was even breathing, as she undressed in front of him. Now she took both his hands in hers and laid them on her shoulders. His fingers trembled slightly as they slipped under the straps of the embroidered white shift and slowly slid the garment down.
"You are so beautiful," he whispered.
His tender words and the worshipful look in his eyes made her feel loved in a way she had never felt before. She ran her hands over his chest with the dusting of dark hair, gently caressing the pink scars before pulling his head down to touch her lips to his again.
It was nearly daybreak before Merlin forced himself to don his clothes and make his way out of Mithian's chamber. She had fallen into a deep sleep, as though she was as spent as he felt, and he thought ruefully that at least she could not coax him back this time. Except the sight of her stretched out in the bed was inviting enough that he almost threw his last bit of good sense to the wind and crawled back in with her.
Instead, he stole through the dark corridors and crept quietly through Gaius' workroom where his guardian was snoring loudly on his cot, then up the stairs to his tiny bedchamber. With a heavy sigh Merlin tossed his clothes haphazardly on the floor and crawled into bed.
In what seemed like only minutes, Merlin woke to Gaius shaking him. "Get up, Merlin, and you might have time to take a bite of breakfast. Arthur has been looking for you."
"Why? What?" Merlin mumbled. "He has a non-sorcerer person to get him out of bed now and bring him breakfast."
"It's nearly midmorning and the Round Table meeting has already started," Gaius said disapprovingly. "Why are you so tired?"
Merlin sat up quickly and grabbed his discarded shirt to pull over his head before his guardian noticed his reddened cheeks. "I had trouble sleeping," he murmured.
Merlin slipped into the Round Table chamber as unobtrusively as possible to take up his customary position at the back of the room. He stifled a yawn, thankful there were other servants to ensure the king's cup never ran empty because he did not think he had the energy to lift the pitcher let alone walk all the way to the table and back.
Although he tried to concentrate on what was being said, only bits and pieces of the conversation pierced the fogginess in his brain. So far, Urien had not made any further move to invade Camelot but nor had he reduced the size of his assembled forces. Annis was reinforcing her own border with Rheged and keeping Arthur apprised of every bit of information which came her way. Alined appeared to have accepted defeat, especially as Olaf had supplemented his standing army with reinforcements supplied by Arthur. All indications were that Alined did not have the funds to mount an attack force in any case as evidenced by the many of his former soldiers who had sought employment with Olaf, untroubled by such a change of allegiance if it meant they would be paid for their service. Of Morgana there had not been further word since her aborted attempt to have Odin execute Arthur.
There was a loud snap and Merlin focused on Arthur's fingers poised in front of his face. The room was empty except for the two of them and an amused Guinevere who was seated at the Round Table. Merlin wondered if he had actually fallen asleep standing up.
"Why are you so tired?"
"I –" Merlin began but Arthur cut him off.
"We need to discuss your duties here."
"Is this about not refilling your cup, because you have plenty of servants to take care of that."
"I know." Arthur seemed unusually hesitant and Merlin wondered what it was the king was trying to say.
"I'm not doing any more training with George," Merlin said.
Arthur's lips twitched at that. "He wouldn't train you anyway, he said you were a hopeless case."
When the king did not say anything more Merlin gave an exasperated sigh. "What, then?"
"Arthur, just say it," Gwen said impatiently and Merlin looked at her curiously.
The king took a deep breath. "There really is no need for you to attend these meetings pretending to be my manservant when we all know the real reason you are here is as my advisor and friend."
For a moment Merlin wondered if he had fallen asleep again. He blinked several times, but Arthur was still standing in front of him with an uncharacteristically humble expression.
"At all future meetings of the Round Table I expect you to be sitting with us."
"Oh." Merlin decided he was not dreaming because his flabbergasted expression put an amused smile on Arthur's face.
"Are you certain everyone will accept a sorcerer as a member of your council?"
Following the events in the battle against Alined, all of the Round Table was now aware of who he was, although so far only rumours had spread through the courtiers.
"I've spoken with Sir Ector, as my seneschal he needed to know, and he fully supports my giving you your rightful position at this table."
A warm feeling spread through Merlin at the acceptance by a noble as highly esteemed by nearly everyone as Sir Ector was. But there were also those who never would accept him. "What about Sir Aldric?"
"I respect him and value his contributions to the kingdom, both as a knight and now as an advisor, but his opinion in this matter is not relevant. He will either accept your presence or remove himself."
Arthur would not welcome any show of affection so Merlin merely grinned in response. "Does this mean you're firing me as your manservant? Again?"
"Well, it isn't like you actually do anything, anyway."
Merlin put a hand over his heart. "I beg your pardon."
"And you were never particularly good at being a servant. I'm surprised any of your duties got done at all since you were apparently sneaking around doing magic every time my back was turned."
A smile and a shrug were the only answer the king got to his veiled inquiry.
"Merlin." Gwen smiled broadly as she came up behind Arthur. "You deserve to be acknowledged for what you've done, even if we never know all of it."
"Thank you, Gwen." Merlin returned her smile, but he could not hold back a yawn.
She gave him a concerned look. "Why are you so tired?"
"I couldn't sleep," Merlin muttered hoping she took his blush to be a touch of fever. "Since I've just been fired, I guess I have the rest of the day off."
Arthur raised his brows. "Hang on. Just because you're no longer my manservant does not mean you won't have plenty to do to earn your keep. As a matter of fact, there will be correspondence and speeches required to make your appointment to the Round Table official. You should probably get started on that. I have better things to do."
"What are you going to be doing?" Merlin questioned.
"I have knights to train." The king held out an arm to escort his queen from the room. "Guinevere."
"Arthur," Merlin said. He waited until both king and queen paused to look back at him. "I still am your servant. It's what I was born for, to help you become the greatest ruler this land has ever known."
For a moment Arthur did not respond although the look in his eyes spoke volumes. "Thank you, old friend," he finally replied.
Merlin thought the king appeared to be struggling to say more, but he only cleared his throat and escorted Gwen out of the chamber.
Merlin determined he would go back to his own room and get some sleep regardless of what Arthur said. When he reached the physician's chambers he found Gaius working busily and he could not hold back the news of his changed position. As expected, his guardian's proud smile was followed immediately by a warm hug. Merlin had not, however, expected to see a tear in Gaius' eye.
"What's wrong?" Merlin asked.
The old man shook his head. "I never thought I would see this in my lifetime: the land safe for magic, the king's closest friend and advisor a sorcerer."
"I thought you believed in me," Merlin protested with mock hurt.
"I knew you were destined to make this happen, I knew it would come about eventually. I am just grateful it happened while I am alive to see it."
The mention of Gaius' advancing age reminded Merlin how his guardian moved more painfully of late and how his hand occasionally shook as he worked.
Merlin took one of the old man's hands between both of his own. "I couldn't have done it without you. You were my teacher and my guide; without you I would never have kept my head on my shoulders this long."
"That is no doubt true," Gaius said with a choked laugh before he hugged his ward again.
Merlin returned the hug but did not try to hold back the next yawn.
Gaius looked at him worriedly. "Are you still tired?"
"I didn't get much sleep last night," Merlin said. "I promise, I just need a little rest. If Arthur comes looking for me, tell him I'm in the tavern."
All in all the reactions to Merlin's change in status were not as hostile as he had feared. Gwaine and others of the king's most trusted knights were vocal in their approbation while Sir Ector was quietly supportive. Aldric made no secret of his belligerence but he remained loyal to his king. Geoffrey of Monmouth frowned at Merlin's presence but not more so than the fussy old archivist had ever done.
A few of those outside the Round Table, especially nobles of Arthur's court, openly expressed their displeasure at the king's latest act of appointing a commoner to a position of influence but they were well aware that Arthur would take no note of their censure. Merlin wondered if their grudging tolerance might change to suspicion when it became known Merlin was a sorcerer as well. Not that he was overly concerned with the good opinion of those who believed a person's worth was determined by their birth.
The one noble whose hesitancy at the change troubled Merlin was Sir Leon's. They had been friends, and the knight's visible discomfort around him now was saddening. Gwen's staunch support and Gaius' obvious delight, however, cheered him, as did the old man's general lightheartedness. It was clear to everyone a burden had been lifted from the physician shoulders, although only Merlin understood the burden his mentor had carried, his wish to return to the time when those with magic were respected members of the court. The only worry in his guardian's face now was when he noticed Merlin's frequent need to sleep during the day.
By the end of the week following his promotion in status, Gaius was taking every opportunity to poke and prod his ward, certain there was something wrong with him which was causing him to fall asleep at odd times and in odd places. The physician continually attempted to administer various tonics his ward either refused outright or dumped the first chance he got.
One time Merlin nodded off while reading through the royal correspondence which prompted Gwen to give him a concerned look. He was certain she subsequently joined Gaius in the campaign to help diagnose his 'illness.'
Every day he determined he would get some rest, or at least not stay with Mithian quite so late into the night, and every morning found him staggering into his bed, exhausted but happier than he could remember being.
Spring passed peacefully enough to make the feast of Beltane the joyous celebration the beginning of the light half of the year was meant to be, despite the threat of war hanging over Camelot.
Merlin was on his way down the stairs from the tiny room that served as his bedchamber, blinking sleep from his eyes and grateful again that Arthur had someone else to drag him out of bed and serve him breakfast. Predictably Gaius was long awake, had a morning meal prepared, and was busily concocting various potions despite frequent pauses to work the stiffness from his fingers.
A knock at the physician's door was followed by a well-dressed young woman hesitantly entering the cluttered workroom. Merlin recognized Mithian's blonde maidservant and froze on the stairs as he worriedly ran through the reasons Mithian might have to send for a physician. He could not stop himself from reviewing in his mind every word and gesture of the previous evening which may have indicated she was unwell. She had seemed preoccupied.
"My mistress asks for the physician and his assistant," the young woman said shyly.
"What is it I can do for the princess?" Gaius questioned.
The young woman hesitated, blushing slightly, and glanced past the old man to the younger man on the stairs.
"It would be helpful to know what I may need to bring with me," Gaius added gently.
The maid came further into the room as Merlin finished descending the stairs. She leaned close to the physician and said softly, "My mistress believes she may be in a family way."
Merlin went white and dropped onto the nearest bench, knocking over a container which clattered to the floor. His guardian spared him a curious glance before assuring the young lady he would attend the princess directly. The maid nodded and hurried away as though embarrassed to have mentioned such a delicate topic in the presence of men.
Gaius turned to give Merlin instructions, then he frowned at his ward's pale complexion. "Are you ill?"
"No, no I'm fine." Merlin was dismayed by the squeak in his voice and attempted to cover it with a falsely bright smile, aware his mentor always knew when he was lying.
"Do you want to take some of that bread and cheese with us? You haven't eaten yet."
Merlin glanced at the food he had been eagerly anticipating a few minutes ago but his stomach recoiled. "No, I'll eat later."
"You're tired day and night, white as a sheet, and now you're not hungry?"
Merlin gave his guardian his most innocently reassuring smile. "Really, I'm fine. She asked for both of us, we should go."
With a concerned frown at his ward but refraining from further questions, the physician gathered a few items and handed his bag to Merlin to carry.
Gaius knocked at Mithian's chamber and announced his arrival deferentially. Merlin was relieved Gaius had preceded him. If he had walked into her quarters as familiarly as he normally did it would have seemed unaccountably forward.
The maid opened the door to admit them. From inside, Mithian thanked the blonde woman and dismissed her, gesturing the physician into her chambers. Merlin's gaze locked with hers. He decided he must appear a little shell-shocked because she had an amused glint in her eyes.
"My lady," Gaius broached the delicate subject he had been summoned about. "What are your symptoms?"
Mithian indicated a basket of rags in the corner of her room. "I had those sent up a month ago but I still have no need of them."
Gaius nodded at her to continue.
"Yesterday morning I woke later than usual, feeling hungry, only to feel sick the moment I looked at the food tray waiting for me. Once I did eat I felt fine. It only occurred to me later, well I wondered …"
The physician used his most reassuring voice. "There are other possible explanations, but if you would allow me to conduct a brief examination I can make a more certain diagnosis."
Mithian nodded and moved to lay down. Seeing that Merlin stood unmoving near the threshold, Gaius motioned for the young man to come further into the chamber and deposit the bag he was carrying near the bed.
The old man turned his back to give Mithian a moment of privacy to get partially undressed. When he faced her again, he raised his brows in surprise to find Merlin sitting beside her, holding her hand. Merlin could see the physician's look of reproach.
"If I am with child then Merlin is the father," Mithian said.
Gaius stood immobile, a shocked expression on his face, staring at his ward.
Merlin looked back at Mithian.
She smiled reassuringly at the question in his eyes. "I appreciate your concern for my reputation but I'm sure you want Gaius to know."
"Thank you," he replied, giving her hand a grateful squeeze before turning to meet his guardian's stare.
The physician recovered as much aplomb as he could in response to his ward's unspoken plea for understanding. "Well then, let's see if your suspicions are correct."
When Gaius confirmed that indeed they were going to have a child, Merlin felt the jolt of those words echo through his spinning head.
"You're supposed to be happy," Mithian said wryly.
"I am," Merlin hastened to assure her. "I think I am," he added. "Can I be happy and in shock at the same time?"
"I've seen it a dozen times," Gaius said.
Relief surged through Merlin at the lack of censure for keeping such a secret from the one person who knew everything else about him. The old man gave him a beaming smile completely at odds with his usual professional detachment. An overwhelming sense of joy flooded Merlin then, and he turned to give Mithian a tender kiss.
Gaius cleared his throat audibly, waiting until the two broke apart and Merlin returned his attention to the physician before he spoke.
"I'll see you later, Merlin," the old man said pointedly and Merlin realized there would be some explaining to do at that time.
He gave his guardian a sheepish smile. "Yes, later."
Although Gaius tried to maintain a stern expression, a look of fatherly pride stole over his face again as he gathered up his things and gave the two young people a nod of farewell.
Gwen thought Mithian seemed unusually cheerful when the princess joined her for their now-customary afternoon walk. There was a sparkle in the other woman's brown eyes that gave Gwen the impression she was bursting with news, and yet she gave no indication what was on her mind as they greeted each other. They took their usual route through the busy palace corridors to the queen's garden.
Once they were outside, Mithian turned to Gwen to make her happy announcement. For an instant Gwen felt a stab of pain at her own childless state before she chastised herself for such a selfish thought in the face of Mithian's obvious joy.
"I'm so pleased for you." Gwen gave the princess a hug.
"Thank you, Gwen." Mithian returned the hug. "I have been wanting to tell you since Gaius confirmed it earlier but I knew you would be occupied all morning and thought I should wait until our afternoon visit."
As Gwen stepped back curiosity overcame her. "Is it Lord Olwyne's?"
"The child will have his name of course but no, we have never shared a bed," Mithian said. "You knew ours was a marriage of convenience."
"But I thought, I mean, I was under the impression your lover was a woman."
"Oh," Mithian said in surprise, then, thoughtfully, "I see how you came to that conclusion but I didn't intend to give that impression."
"Why the secrecy then?" Gwen asked, her curiosity aroused even more. "Who is he?"
Uncertainty clouded Mithian's expression. "He's lived here longer than I. I'm not sure if I should be the one to tell you since he hasn't."
"So it's someone I know?" Gwen asked excitedly.
Mithian nodded apprehensively.
"I won't ask you to reveal any confidences you're not ready to share," Gwen said comfortingly. "But I hope you will confide in me. Meantime, you must join Arthur and I for supper so we can share your happy news."
"Thank you. I hope we can all be friends, Gwen."
Gwen smiled. "We already are."
For the remainder of the afternoon Gwen found herself wondering which of the knights was Mithian's lover. The father must be of common birth, although it could be a noble whose property and rank were simply not sufficient to be considered a suitable match for a princess. The mystery kept Gwen from dwelling on a darker thought that if Arthur had married the princess rather than herself he might have an heir by now.
Despite her curiosity, the queen kept her speculations to herself as she greeted Mithian for supper. They had barely exchanged pleasantries when Arthur arrived at the royal chamber, Merlin at his heels. Gwen saw her friend stop short when he saw the table laid for supper and a guest already present.
"Merlin, join us," Arthur said. "You know Mithian almost as well as we do."
Gwen thought Merlin had an ironic glint in his eye as she began apologetically to contradict Arthur's invitation, thinking Mithian might prefer to keep this announcement among the three of them.
"It's all right, Gwen," Mithian said. "Merlin already knows; he was with Gaius this morning when he confirmed the news."
"What news?" Arthur questioned, looking from one to another of them.
"My happy news," Mithian said. At Arthur's blank look she spelled it out more explicitly. "I'm with child."
Gwen watched Arthur's reaction with some trepidation but he seemed more surprised than anything else. His puzzled look told her he had not expected the marriage to produce children, either, at least not so soon.
"Congratulations," he said, trying belatedly to appear delighted. He glanced at Gwen.
"Mithian told me this afternoon during our walk," she said.
"You spent the afternoon walking around?" Merlin asked Mithian with a frown.
Gwen gave him a puzzled look.
"Shouldn't you be resting?"
Mithian gave him a condescending smile. "I'm with child, not an invalid."
"But in your delicate condition –"
The princess good-humouredly cut him off mid-sentence. "I am not delicate and I will not spend the next several months resting."
The queen shook her head at her friend's unwarranted concern and her husband's discomfort with the entire subject and for a moment regretted putting Mithian in the position of discussing her state with either man. "Perhaps we should sit and begin our meal?" Gwen suggested to put everyone at ease. She allowed Arthur to hand her into her seat and was mildly surprised when Merlin had the grace to do the same for Mithian.
They had just begun to fill their plates when the princess sat back suddenly before putting a hand to her mouth. Merlin shot her a worried look.
"I'm sorry," she apologized when she saw the concern in their faces. "It was the smell of the pastries."
Gwen felt a touch of sympathy for the odd ways pregnancy could affect a woman.
"But those are your favourite," Merlin asked in a worried tone.
How would Merlin know that? Then Gwen saw Mithian send him a look so full of amused but loving tolerance that a shock of comprehension shook Gwen.
Having belatedly realized the reason for Mithian's queasiness, Merlin looked sheepishly away from her condescending gaze only to encounter Gwen's stunned stare. A guilty flush crept up his face. Her mind suddenly reeling with a sense of betrayal and all the jealousy she had been fighting to control since Mithian's announcement, Gwen stood and fled the room.
She walked hurriedly away down the corridor until she reached a staircase where she dropped down to sit on the top step and lean against the cold stone wall. She heard footsteps approaching from behind but did not turn to see who it was. Merlin sat beside her at the top of the stairs.
Without looking at him Gwen said, "It's you, isn't it? You're Mithian's lover, you're the father of her child."
"Well, since you made it fashionable for servants to fancy royalty."
He did not say any more but when she looked at him he gave her a sympathetic smile. As she smiled back she asked herself why she was so upset.
"Life never gets it quite right, does it?" Merlin said."You and Arthur can finally be together publically, free to show your love to the world, but haven't yet been blessed with children. Mithian and I are forced to keep our relationship private but already we're expecting a child."
Gwen acknowledged her jealous resentment that her friends had been granted the one thing she had not been able to obtain. She admitted to herself how much she wanted a baby, both for herself and for Arthur's sake. She put a hand on his shoulder.
"Thank you, Merlin. In wallowing in my self-pity about what I don't have, I forgot to be thankful for my blessings. There were many times over the years when I doubted Arthur and I could ever be together. I do truly appreciate how unlikely our relationship is and I should be grateful every moment that he loves me as much as I love him and could make me his queen against all odds." She smiled at Merlin. "I am happy for you and Mithian. I want to help in any way I can with the child."
"Thank you." He smiled back but then an anxious look dimmed the happy expression. "I'm going to need all the help I can get."
When they returned to the royal chambers a few minutes later, Arthur immediately rose from the table, looking concerned, but her happy expression eased the worry from his face. Seeing the questioning look he shot at Merlin, Gwen walked straight toward Arthur.
She threw her arms around him to hug him tightly. "I am so lucky to be married to you." She had an urge to laugh at the combination of pleased vanity and utter confusion on his face.
Arthur grasped her arms and pinned her with a look. "If this is about not having children, you know I don't care about that. There is no one else I would have as my queen."
"I love you," Gwen said softly. Then she went to hug Merlin tightly. "Congratulations." Gwen moved to throw her arms around Mithian. "I am so pleased for you both."
"What are you congratulating Merlin for?" Arthur demanded impatiently.
Gwen gave him a look of exasperated fondness. "Merlin and Mithian are going to have a baby."
Hearing it stated so baldly caused Merlin to pale and sink into a chair at which both women laughed. When Gwen turned back to Arthur, his shocked expression threw her further into peals of laughter. He stood dumbfounded before turning his head slowly to Merlin.
Merlin raised his eyebrows in response. "You look more gobsmacked than I was."
"I'm not sure he does," Mithian said dryly causing Gwen to laugh again.
"How?" Arthur stuttered.
"Really, you don't know? You've been married for years," Merlin said.
It was a measure of Arthur's complete amazement that he barely reacted to Merlin's jibe. "But I thought Mithian was in love with me."
All three of his companions looked at the king in surprise.
"I like you well enough but ours would have been a union for purely political purposes," Mithian said gently.
"But … him?"
"She raised her standards," Merlin got a quelling look from Mithian for his teasing which wiped the smirk from his face.
Arthur walked slowly over to Merlin who seemed slightly concerned at the evil glint in his friend's eye. "Well then, congratulations are in order."
Merlin winced at the force of the punch in the arm he got. "Thanks." He rubbed his sore arm.
The king turned to Mithian. "Princess Mithian, my sincere congratulations. If everyone is done sharing secrets?" Arthur questioned, his gaze meeting each of them in turn, "Then let's eat."