(trigger warning for depressive thoughts. please read end note for summary of last chapter.)

The vodka on your tights were dry now.

Your eyes were dry too but they still stung like hell. The beginnings of a migraine were starting to form in the back of your head.

Sans rubbed your back slowly as you rested your skull on his shoulder. His jacket wasn't as fluffy as his blue one seemed to be, but it was still nice. He was warm and comforting.

Neither of you really tried to speak, your voice was too sore from sobbing and you felt like Sans probably just felt uncomfortable. Really, only you could bring down the mood that quickly.

Everything hurt.

You didn't want to feel anymore.

"Sans?" you said quietly, not necessarily wanting him to hear you, "How many shots have I had?"

You felt Sans tense underneath you and he took a moment to respond, "kiddo..."

You were sure he felt sorry for you. You were sure that if you said one more personal thing you'd rip apart like a failed sewing project. Sans would know everything about you, even the things you've tried so hard over and over again to hide.

If Sans knew more about you, the more he'd hate you. The more everyone would hate you.

People always leave. Monsters will be just like people. Everyone leaves. Mom left. They all leave.

Books are better than people. Why did you think it'd be any different?

You didn't want Sans to leave you.

Please don't let him leave you.

Stop feeling, stop feeling, stop feeling. Emotions hurt. Everything hurts. Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!

You'll always avoid your emotions like this, _. Stop hiding it. You're a mistake. A coward. A pathetic nothing.

"look, _," Sans's voice sounded a bit tired, "if you're thinking about drinking... i don't know if it'd be a good idea."

"Sans..." you sounded desperate. You moved out of Sans's arms and looked straight at him, "I don't feel very good... I just want to forget about this for a minute."

"that isn't a good idea," Sans stared straight back at you.

You felt nervous and looked away.

You knew you were going to regret your next words, but you said them anyway, "This sounds stupid, but... I just feel kind of normal right now. Well, earlier. I don't have to question everything silly or stupid thing I do, and..."

"I know it's dumb, and this might be a stupid, stupid thing to say, but... After tonight, I'll let you know anything you want to know about me, I guess."

"you're drunk," Sans stated the obvious.

"I might be," you sighed, "But my heart feels like it's hurting right now and I just want to block it out. Sans, please."

Sans sighed and shook his head, "_, this isn't a good habit to start. you can, um, always talk to me if you feel sad or just need someone to hang out with. you have me, paps, undyne... everyone. we all care about you."

You felt your face flush and you turned to look towards the smaller skeleton, "You care about me?"

Sans's face hinted blue and he turned his look towards the wall, "'course i do."

You smiled and rubbed your puffy eyes, "I care about you too, Sansy."

"that being said," Sans's voice sounded concerned, "you're an adult, i can't really stop you from drinking more. but, kiddo, i think it would be a bad idea. and i'm the master of all bad ideas. so, please, _, let's just talk if you want to."

You stared at Sans and sighed, "Okay."

Sans let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding in, "alright, alright. this is good. you okay?"

"I don't know," you admitted honestly.

There was a moment of awkward tension between the two of you.

"i know words can't do a lot for you," the skeleton's voice wavered, "but i'm real sorry about your mom. i honestly don't know what to say, but that's an awful thing to go through."

"She was in a lot of pain. I don't blame her," you hugged your knees tighter, "I just miss her a lot. And it's okay... You don't need to be sorry for anything. Thank you for listening to me about it."

Sans put his bony arm around your shoulders. In different circumstances, you'd likely blush. "it's no problem. i didn't say that to be nice either, you can talk to me if you ever need anyone."

You smiled shyly, "Thank you, Sans."

"you're pretty special, _," Sans said after a moment, his cologne filling up the air around you, "for a human, that is."

You laughed, "I think you're okay too. Especially for being a skeleton."

"i think we're both drunk," Sans laughed, "definitely drunk."

"What time is it even?" you looked around for your phone, but no such luck, "I hope it isn't too late. Do you have work tomorrow?"

"don't worry about it," Sans shrugged, "we'll both likely have to take the day off tomorrow. we're gonna feel like shit for sure."

"I'm glad I get to feel like shit with you," you turned to look towards his face, which was a lot closer than you had remembered. You smiled shyly, inches away from the skeleton.

Sans seemed to notice the sudden closeness and the blue grew across his cheeks more, "no one else i'd rather feel like shit with."

"Sans..."

"_."

You didn't know what to do, your heart simultaneously feeling like it was going a million miles a minute while also not beating at all.

"if i tell you something," Sans said quietly, "you should know that it's not just me being drunk, or even trying to take advantage of you. i really mean it. every word."

You felt your eyes widened, "Sans?"

"i like you, _," Sans looked you straight in the eyes, "that kinda sounds weird, huh? a skeleton liking a human. it makes no sense scientifically. it's okay if you don't think of me the same way. i just needed to tell ya that at some point. kinda felt like i was lying to you."

You noticed him staring at your lips.

In other circumstances, you would have blushed and thought he was joking.

In other circumstances, you would have ran off and pretended this wasn't happening.

In other circumstances, you wouldn't have been completely drunk with a cute skeleton who was confessing he liked you.

And you found yourself not minding where you found yourself in it all.

You leaned closer towards Sans, so close that you were just a twitch away from meeting Sans's lips (teeth?).

"I like you too, Sansy," you whispered, "I don't have to be drunk to know that either."

You closed the gap between you both.

Sans's lips (Are they lips?) were hard and, honestly, a bit cold. It felt nice and comforting, like Sans was. It wasn't a bad first kiss at all, considering your eyes still stung from crying and you were drunker than a skunk.

You moved to break the kiss and apologize to the skeleton, before you stopped.

Sans kissed you back.

He wrapped both of his arms around your neck and kissed you deeper. You were surprised by the action at first, but quickly found yourself kissing him over and over again.

Sans's arms moved down to hold onto you at your waist, his hands squeezing the sides of your waist softly. You moved to wrap your arms around his back, not breaking the kiss for a second.

You knew you should break apart for air for a moment, but not a single molecule in your body really wanted anything besides Sans.

Sans's cologne, his boney-yet-oddly-soft hands and mouth, his gentle touches. Oh god, you couldn't get enough of him.

Did you mention that Sans was kissing you? Yeah. That was pretty great.

He slowly pushed you to the ground, having a boney arm support you underneath. He kept kissing you more and more passionately than you would've expected from anyone. You wondered how badly it showed how inexperienced you were and just how experienced Sans seemed to be.

You weren't expecting something like this.

Sans seemed to be pushing at your mouth, begging you to open it wordlessly. You did as he asked and found yourself with something even more unexpected.

Did Sans have a tongue? How did you not notice this before?

You didn't have much time to question anything before Sans's tongue tasted yours. He tasted sweet, almost like a blueberry. He fighted for dominance, and easily won.

You felt your face heat up once you let out a small moan, hoping Sans didn't hear it.

Knowing your luck, Sans obviously heard it.

He took that as a sign of enjoyment and took the steps to further deepen the kiss. His arm underneath you was gone and you felt a hand go hesitantly up your shirt.

Oh god.

Sans broke apart the kiss and, between both of you, a strand of saliva connected both of your mouths together. You felt messy and unfocused, but Sans stared at you with a look of pure excitement. You smiled shyly back at him, your lips feeling a bit swollen.

He looked at you for a second before moving down to kiss your neck. In surprise, you let out a small noise.

Sans chuckled against your sensitive skin.

It all was too much, too much all at once. You wanted to stop, but you didn't want to stop. Sans liked you, out of all the people he's met, he choose you.

A wonderful skeleton like him chose someone as plain and boring as you.

Shouldn't you be happy?

His hand kept trailing up slowly as he started sucking on your neck, likely going to leave a mark the next morning. You jumped when you felt him squeeze your breast.

"S-Sans..."

Were you comfortable with this?

"you're so soft, _," Sans said inbetween kisses, "it's so weird."

Sans hand kept moving in unexpected places, each touch made you jump more than the last. It felt good, it felt too good. Did it feel bad?

Were you uncomfortable with this?

This was your first kiss and it was all happening so suddenly. Was this how first kisses were supposed to go?

You didn't feel comfortable even talking about sex or anything like it; what made you feel like you were ready for anything sexual?

Suddenly, everything stopped feeling okay.

I am not ready for sex. I am not ready for this. I am not ready, I am not ready, I am not ready.

"Sans," your voice sounded afraid, but Sans was too caught up into the moment. His hand moved out of your shirt, and for a second you felt relieved, before it started going down.

Sans's boney hand started going into your skirt and then your tights before you finally did anything.

You knew you weren't ready.

"Sans!" you said louder than you expected, pushing him off of you suddenly.

Your neck was wet with his saliva and you were almost a hundred percent sure you looked like a mess. Your hair felt disheveled and your shirt was up so high that it showed a little bit of your belly button.

Sans's face was almost too painful to look at. It was a mix of rejection, fear, anxiety, and all those other bad emotions only you were allowed to feel.

"oh my god," his eyes widened in fear, and he didn't dare look at you in the eyes, "i am so sorry, fuck. i didn't mean to push you or anything, i'm sorry."

"Sans," you pulled your shirt down, your heart feeling like it was in your throat, "I-"

Sans stood up suddenly, "i'm so fucking sorry, _. i should really go now, i'm sorry. there's a blanket and a pillow on the other couch."

"Sans-"

"i need to go," he turned away and started walking towards the stairs, "it's not your fault, it's just – fuck. have a good night, i'll see you in the morning."

In a blink of an eye, Sans was gone. You didn't even notice him climbing up the rest of the stairs.

You stared where Sans was just a second ago, feeling a disarray of different emotions.

You were uncomfortable, it's okay.

You made Sans feel like shit. You're awful.

I can't believe what you just did, you bitch.

You've ruined everything.

They'll all leave like everyone else. Guess who's fault that is?

It's yours.

I can't believe you expected this to go anyway different.

You didn't want to feel anymore.

Make it stop.

You didn't know what to do. You were on autopilot now. You grabbed the scratchy blanket from the couch and went to go lie down on it. It smelt like Sans, but it wasn't like you deserved to know that. Your neck felt a little sore from Sans and your lips felt puffy. Your eyes felt puffy.

You closed your eyes to try to prevent yourself from crying.

It didn't work.

That night, you hardly slept a minute. The whole time you felt yourself silently sobbing to prevent yourself from waking up Papyrus or Sans.

I want to die.

(a/n: reader is such a sad baby. i just want to snuggle her.

also. this is like. my first ever makeout session i've ever wrote, so if it's a little odd i'm really sorry! i love you all and thank you so much for reading. please feel free to talk to me always over on my tumblr. it's been a wonderful experience to meet some of you.

SUMMARY: Sans and reader played a drinking game with shots of vodka. Reader asked if Sans would work at the bookstore whilst Undyne was Underground with the other monsters. Also, reader got her bookstore after her mom was diagnosed with glioblastoma. Sans embraced her and let her cry on his shoulder until she was able to calm down. Pretty heavy stuff...)