What ever is this? An update? :O

Well it seems the temporary hiatus has been lifted… Is that a distant cheer I hear? Or dead silence? Lol, I hope it's the first =P … I hope there's some of you still left out there? =S

I should tell you that updates probably won't be as frequent as they have been. But they will come, I promise! I really like to finish what I start, and I feel compelled to finish this one.

Thanks again to those that have commented and read/added me to their Author Alert list. Makes it all so much more worth it =]

I hope you enjoy this one, its from Edwards perspective!

Just to recap -

After becoming tired of Edwards flippant moods, Bella discovered there was more to him than meets the eye. He had a past which involved him once losing his ex-girl friend (whom he loved dearly) and his ex-best friend to an illicit affair. With that and the shaky relationship he has with his mother, he's found himself battling trust and loyalty issues, not to mention becoming fearful of relationships in general. Rosalie (Edwards sister- the one and only family member he feels truly understands him) had been the one to inform Bella of this, behind Edward back.

During the Cullen's Christmas party Bella had found herself listening in on others conversations…they'd ridiculed Edward to the point where Bella could no longer take it. In her fury she'd ranted to Rosalie… neither aware that Edward was secretly listening in. He had heard it all, realising Bella knew everything about his past he was now so ashamed of… he stormed off over his friends and his sisters betrayal...

Chapter 22:

Edwards POV:

My phone vibrated for the 4th time in 5 minutes. It was Bella, again, asking me where I'd gotten to. As with the other messages, I didn't reply. Instead I shut it down, stuffing it into my back pocket. I couldn't see her now, not knowing everything she knew about me. I needed time alone, time to think.

For the past few weeks I'd been dreading this very night. It was truly a bane in my existence; forced to be in a room with people I couldn't care less for, bar my family of course, and yet, as it had transpired, it hadn't been them that had proved a problem, it had been my sister and my supposed best friend that had blown the fuse; dredging up a part of my life that I never wished to revisit.

Truthfully, I knew deep down I owed Bella an explanation. I'd been unfair this past week, growing close to her one minute, pushing her away the next. But I'd never planned for this.

I never for a second thought I'd fall in love with her. From the first moment we'd met, when she'd practically stumbled at my feet in the supermarket parking lot, I knew she was different. It didn't take me long to notice she was awkward and self conscious, yet also so self assured. I loved that about her, I still do. It was what drew her to me in the first place. She wasn't like the other girl's I'd been surrounded by. She wasn't fake; never putting on a front to please other people. She was so completely imperfect, with her flaws unconcealed for the world to see. She was very much a, you-get-what-you-see kinda girl. And that to me, that made her perfect.

She still is.

Well, she was. Now I didn't know what to think. The fact that she'd gone behind my back suggested she wasn't as far removed from the other girls as I'd hoped for.

Don't get me wrong, she wasn't anything like Lizzy, or Matt. Bella had morals, and a heart for that matter. But she had lied to me, snuck around in secret and gossiped about me behind my back. And with trust already an issue I often struggled with, it made it so much harder to understand her reasoning for having done it.

"Signor Cullen?" a well-worn-Italian voice called to my left, and I turned to see Alisa, the Italian cook, with cooking bowl and wooden spoon in hand, walk towards me. "You come back. Why?" Alisa's already tanned and wrinkly forehead crumpled that much more as her well-aged eyes stared up at me in confusion. She was only a little thing, barely up to my shoulders in fact. Strangely enough, with greater cooking expertise and growing knowledge, she seemed to shrink.

"Oh, hey… sorry Liss, I didn't mean to take up all your kitchen space" I told her as I stood up, looking around at the small surrounding space of the kitchen where I'd chosen to hide. It probably seemed massive to her, but I felt like I'd swallowed the entire lot.

"Nonsense Signor Cullen. You are always welcome ere". I offered her a small smile in response.

"The girl? She like, eh?"

I knew exactly what she was referring too, having been in here less than 10 minutes ago asking for a home made cocktail for a special friend of mine. "Actually she…" I went with honesty, but halted at Alisa's warm and expectant eyes. "Yeah, she loved it" I lied, knowing the drink was probably still sitting un-touched on the wall outside where I'd left it. I hated lying, but I could never crush the happiness of a much-treasured elderly Italian woman. Besides, I'd no doubt Bella would've loved it anyway.

"Ah, good! She wants another?" she asked, wide eyed.

"No, thank you".

She frowned once again, "Then, why you ere?"

"I…" I struggled to find an explanation. My face no doubt said it all though.

She shook her head as if to say, 'nonsense!'. "Go Signor Cullen. Go find" she ordered. "No good ever come from hiding" she eyed me pointedly. And it amazed me how she was always so intuitive.

I gave her a nod and a small lazy smile, knowing she was right, even if she didn't have any idea what it was truly about.

Gathering the only courage I had left, whilst pushing my hurt and irritation to the back of my mind, I made my way out of the kitchen and re-entered the dining room area. It was currently being occupied by a few more people, either by those that were eating or others that were deep in conversation.

I breezed past them, my focus straight ahead, but I still noticed a couple of eyes glance my way as I passed them. I did my best to ignore them as I walked further inwards and towards the main function room, where the music continued to pound through the various large speakers, dotted from wall to wall.

I spotted her a mile off. My Bella-radar on as high alert as ever. She was sat nearest the bar; head slumped into her hand, her elbow resting on the table's surface. I couldn't see her expression, but from where I stood, she looked as miserable as I felt.

She bolt upright at the change of song though, as Beyonce's 'Single Ladies' came on on the loud speaker, and her head started to bop from side to side, her foot going with it.

I tried not to smile, still angry at her betrayal, but I couldn't help the tiny smirk that curved my lips, she looked so adorable.

I dodged past a herd of people as I tentatively approached her, my eyes not straying from the brunette that sat up ahead.

As I grew ever closer I felt my hands start to clam up. What would I even say to her when we came face to face? She already knew everything anyway, so an explanation seemed so pointless. I hoped, being the coward I am, that she would take the lead on this one. In her texts she'd mentioned wanting to explain. And I supposed I at least owed her a chance for that.

"Edward!" she practically cheered on my arrival, and upon seeing me almost slipped off her chair in excitement. I was lucky I caught hold of her, otherwise she would have had a nasty bruise along with that almost-healed ankle.

But as I observed her glazed eyes and dopey smile, and the way she hung onto me like a tiny rag doll, I knew something wasn't right. And on helping her off the chair and onto her feet it was suddenly plain to see.

She was drunk. Reeking of alcohol having drunk god knows how many glasses of champagne. She looked a mess, her eyes looked tired and barely able to focus, and strings of her hair near her face were soaking wet, which I guessed were either from her sweat or the consequence of her hair falling into her glass whilst she'd been drinking.

"Champagne anyone?" a waiter passed by on his usual round with yet another tray of sparkling champagne.

"Ooo, me please!" exclaimed Bella, sticking her hand up as if this was a classroom. He nodded, almost bowing at her request as he attempted to hand her another, but I was quick to refuse his poisoned offering.

"Actually, I think you've had your lot for the evening" I forced a smile her way, and Bella shook her head at me whilst she pouted. "How much have you given her man?" I turned back to the waiter with glaring eyes.

"I'm sorry Sir, she seemed so fine a few minutes ago" he pulled an awkward face, which I simply rolled my eyes at. Yeah right, as if! He submerged himself into the crowd a moment later, probably trying to avoid me.

"Where'd champers go?" she moaned, re-capturing my attention, trying to look past me as I stood in front of her, blocking her view.

"Oh … we ran out. Its water or nothing now unfortunately" I lied, and she scrunched her face up in disgust. "Anyway, I think its time for bed now, don't you" I told her, taking her arms and encouraging her to follow me.

She giggled then as she leant into me. And it took so much effort and concentration not to melt right then and there. She was all over me, her fruity hair in my face, the smell of her perfume intoxicating me. I'd never been this close to her since that one time we'd kissed. And what a beautiful nightmare that had turned out to be. Truthfully, I hadn't planned it, but at that moment, on seeing the pain in her eyes after she'd taken a fall, I only longed to take it away.

As I'd leant in and kissed her lips, I felt a surge of emotion bubble up inside of me, happiness, excitement, hunger and comfort, but just as we'd gone to take it further, and I felt her tongue touch the tip of mine, a flash of something awful hit my mind. A life without Bella. My best friend.

We'd become so close this past week, the best friend I'd always wanted. And even though I'd spent weeks battling with my feelings for her, confused over what I wanted, the bottom line always won out…

I feared for losing her.

I know it's merely paranoia, the irrationality within me always taking over. But I can't deny the way it plays on my mind.

Relationships are complicated, and it takes a hell of a lot of dedication and compromise to make them work. I proposed that at least if we remained close, platonic friends, I'd be at a lesser risk of losing her. Here's my logic; because in taking that step further, in crossing that line of friendship to relationship, I'd risk losing two of the most important things in my life. If something did go wrong, I wouldn't just lose my girl friend, I'd lose my best friend as well. And having already experienced that loss not so long ago, I wasn't about to go putting myself in that very same position once again…

'Friends' was all it could ever be.

I just wish I hadn't kissed her. Because since the moment I caressed her lips, I've only wanted her more…

On entering the reception area she announced happily to herself, "Bed time! Will you tuck me in?" she asked, and I manoeuvred myself behind her, grasping her waist to push her forward down the hallway, whilst she leant her back into me, her head rolling below my shoulder.

"Yeah, sure, whatever" I muttered through my discomfort, "let's just get you inside, yeah."

I walked her down the hallway, well, pushed actually, each step requiring a heap of effort as I literally heaved her weight along with me. By this time I wasn't even thinking about everything that had happened earlier on, my only mission was to get her safely back to her room, preferably without causing anymore drama.

We all but passed through the French doors; hotel in sight. And with the majority of the people inside still dancing, there were very little obstacles left we had to encounter. It was looking like we were home free until we came face to face with some much unwanted company.

"Hi Edward, great party tonight" a female voice called to my left. We halted. And I was suddenly aware of three smiling, blonde, wide-eyed girls standing before me.

"Oh... Hi" I muttered, half smiling and really not in the mood for this.

"How about a dance…" she went on, her eyes fluttering at me like butterflies, but oddly enough it had no affect on me at all.

They weren't smiling for long though.

"You BITCH!" a scream that didn't even sound like Bella stung my ears, and she lunged for the girl before us. The girl winced at the unexpected confrontation, stepping backwards into her friends, who all staggered to keep her standing.

It took all my strength to pull Bella back and restrain her, her body weight resisting against my arms that acted as a barrier, and although she squirmed impatiently, ready to attack, I succeeded in holding her tight.

The girl meanwhile, after having straightened her ensemble, and flicked her hair to the side, very much like a typical pretentious HS girl, put her hands on her hips as she looked at us. "I suggest you put reigns on that girl! She's obviously unstable!" she snapped at me, and I felt my fists clench up at her words. "Maybe you should be a little more selective with the people you hang around with Edward, you could catch all sorts of things" she scoffed at me, looking at Bella as if she were something dirty on the sole of her shoe.

I was actually thankful I had a fidgety Bella in my arms to occupy me; otherwise I would've probably lunged for her myself.

"Thank god were leaving now ladies" she spoke lastly to her friends. And I felt the thermometer in my head reach an all time high. I was actually surprised in myself at my level of self control. I could've quite easily snapped right then and there. But to an extent, I held it together...

"Oh, you are? Well what a shame. The doors that way anyway, don't dawdle will you" I added with a mocking smile, before pulling Bella through the garden along with me. I heard a melodramatic gasp from behind me from the girls we'd just left. We'd caused a scene, and it was certain people had witnessed it. And yet, despite my fury at how she'd spoken to us, I couldn't help but feel a little better about everything…

…

We took the lift up to the 3rd floor, the quicker and easier option. I couldn't be dealing with stairs at a time like this.

As the doors to the lift closed shut I sighed a breath of relief. And as my tensed arms relaxed a little, Bella managed to squirm out of my hold. She staggered forward a few steps; a combination of her drunken state and the motion of the moving elevator, before resting her back against the side. A second later she slumped down onto the floor, sitting in a heap with her legs stretched out.

"I've screwed everything up" she cried, no longer angry, but entering that melancholy stage that comes with excessive drinking, "…everybody hates me… Edward hates me…" I frowned as she rambled to herself whilst staring at the floor. "Rose hates me. Alice hates me".

"Why does Alice hate you?" I looked down at her, but she didn't look back. In fact I wasn't entirely sure if she even knew it was me who was with her.

She shrugged her shoulders as she sulked. "Well she may as well do, everybody else does".

I sighed once again, but this time through sadness and regret. "That's not true. Nobody hates you… if anyone's to blame for this, it's me" I muttered to myself.

-Ding.

The lift came to a halt, doors sliding across to reveal a large expansive hallway.

"Alright you. Time to go" I hovered above her, thankful the hallway up ahead was empty. But Bella remained stationary, busying herself with tracing the patterns on the tiled floor she was sat on. She eventually moved though, as soon as I'd offered her my hand, she took it with a smile, pulling herself up with legs like jelly.

She had the sweetest smile as she looked at me though, a tear trickling down her cheek, and right now, as she leant into me, tucking her head beneath my chin as I led her out, she looked so innocent.

I hated myself for being the cause of this. Because even though I felt betrayed, I never wanted to hurt her, or put her in a position where she became so vulnerable.

I suppose I was lucky I'd gotten there when I had done. If I'd left her any longer, god knows what could've happened. Two possible thoughts came to mind, one in which she would have inadvertently humiliated herself in front of everyone, making her the laughing stock of the entire night. Or one where we'd end up in the emergency room having her stomach pumped.

Neither one seemed awfully appealing to tell you the truth.

Reaching her door we stood in front of it. She splattered a hand on the wooden surface before calling out, "Can we come in?" to no one in particular.

"Do you have your key card Bella?" I asked, and the only response I received was a vacant look, as she turned her head to face me; oblivious to what I was asking.

In the end I managed to unzip her bag without her noticing, she was far too busy staring at the door to even notice what I was doing.

The door unlocked, making a light buzzing sound as I slid the card into the slot to open it.

I ushered her inside a moment later, closing the door behind us.

"You know, my dad said I'm not allowed to have boys in my room" she chuckled cheekily.

"Oh, well good thing Charlie's not here then".

"Alcohol bad, boys - badder" she mocked her father's voice before giggling. "I wonder when he'll be home?" she questioned, once again oblivious to her surroundings.

"I don't think he's coming home tonight…" I went to say, humouring her, but was left gobsmacked as she immediately lunged for the bed, scrambled onto the mattress and proceeded to jump up and down on it like a little child.

"Edward! Come on!" she practically cheered.

I'd never known anything like it. I'd been around drunken people before, but they'd been nothing like this. It didn't even look like Bella, it was like she'd had a complete personality transplant, as she recklessly jumped up and down, arms and legs all over the place. So not like my Bella.

My Bella? Who'm I kidding? She's not mine at all.

I could only put it down to the fact that she'd never been drunk before. And given the amount she'd consumed in such a short space of time, it was having an adverse affect.

For a moment I almost took pleasure in observing such a free spirit, but as she jumped near the edge of the mattress I abruptly rushed forward, playing the protective father role and telling her to come down before she hurt herself.

Naturally she thought I was a killjoy, and maybe I was, but I wasn't about to stand back and watch her hurt herself. We'd both only end up paying for that later on, in different ways of course. Bella's would be physical pain, an injury of some kind no doubt, while mine would be internal; guilt and regret having not done anything to save her.

But as she relented and slumped down onto her butt on the bed, a flash of exhaustion across her face hinting she was now ready for bed, I felt myself relax, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Bed time" she spoke breathlessly, her hair all over her face. She stared down at the dress she wore, now all creased and with a slight wet patch down the chest area, but she still looked unbelievably beautiful in it. "Do you like my dress Edward?" she smiled at me; her eyes so round and bright, I almost couldn't answer. "I got it for you" she added expectantly.

My heart fluttered as I nodded back, "It's beautiful" I replied, almost choking as I did. I then wished that I'd corrected myself by saying 'you're beautiful' instead, because that was the real answer. Yes the dress was lovely, but Bella was what made it exceptional. Before I could correct myself though, she was scrambling up the bed, her shoes somewhere along the way ending up on the floor, shuffling her way under the covers until she lay soundlessly in the bed.

I walked forward with hesitance, nearing the bed to see her face. She was already half asleep by the time I'd gotten there. Her tired eyes opening and closing as she came in and out of awareness.

I almost contemplated walking out then, now knowing she was safe. Choosing to leave her alone and get some rest. But I couldn't. The sensible side of me always winning out. I couldn't leave her in this state. What if she choked? Or woke up confused to her surroundings? No, I had to stay. I wanted too.

"Night night Edward" I then heard her murmur. And a moment later she muttered something else, something that sounded an awful lot like "I love you", unless of course I was imagining it, which I probably was.

And that in itself only made me feel ten times more miserable.

Taking a seat beside her bed, I leant an elbow on her mattress as I watched her sleep. "Good night Bella ... Sweet dreams", I spoke to her sleeping form. Only hoping that maybe tomorrow, things would look a little brighter.

A/N: Well I hope that gave you a bit more insight into what's going on in that head of his! He's a troubled boy, poor thing.

The next chapter will be back to Bella's POV… stay tuned to find out what happens, the morning after the night before ;)

Did you enjoy that? Because I certainly enjoyed writing it :)

PS, almost forgot to say... hope everyone enjoyed Eclipse =D! I thought they did a great job of it. May have been the best one so far!