A/N: Yaaaaay, summer is finally here! Actually, I'm dying over here in Norway XD SO DAMN HOT! Oh well, enough about me. CHAPTER 7 IS UP! PLZ ENJOY ;3
The whole way home blocked out the sights of the people and the buildings. My head was completely occupied with thoughts. Yoshiki's mother, Yoshiki himself and… Mochida-kun.
Ugh, my blood starts boiling just imagining his face. But I can't be mad at him forever, since I know where he's coming from. I can't return his feelings. I know that much. The only one I can feel something stronger than friendship for is…
I gulped and slowed down. I… I guess I always knew. But to think that so straight-forwardly is so… so…! Embarassing. I think that's the word. But it's also like I started seeing him in just a little brighter light. So I know how I feel about him. But I can't base my destiny off of those feelings. I need to remember my position. I won't be selfish for now. More than anything, I need to help Yoshiki with his problems, and maybe then we can… Sigh… I started thinking about my theory from earlier. It does make sense. So much that I even have a solution. That goes back to what his mother told me…
«It said that his biggest dream was to recieve a home-knitted scarf for Christmas. A christmas without his parents fighting and just honest smiles around him…»
If my theory is right, then Yoshiki's still deaf because he's still haunted by the idea that his parents are still fighting. But there's one thing I don't get… He said that the nights were the only times where his parents weren't fighting.
Could he regain his hearing during the nights…?
Maybe I shouldn't think too much into it… If I can somehow convince him that everything is fine and that he needs to move forward, then that might just work… But how can I do that? I haven't met his father and I barely know anything about his mother. Isn't something coming up that can somehow bring them together?
Wait… Of course! Christmas! Christmas is next week! If I can bring them together and make them celebrate christmas together and exchange gifts in happiness, then I'm sure he'll be able to get over it! Just a tiny bit of my mind knew the way home as I was reflecting so deeply. I was suddenly in front of the door to my apartment. I almost fricking choked on my saliva. After collecting myself, I unlocked the door and went inside my home sweet home.
…
All that thinking about Yoshiki, made me more and more eager to see him. Not that I hadn't expected that before-hand. This is what it means, eh? To feel like this for someone? Besides… We are friends now, aren't we? Then I guess… It won't be weird to text him! I enthusiastically grabbed my phone and found him in the contact list.
What's up, Yosh?
Sorry, I'll stop that XD
How about coming over to my place?
I'll fix up something real good, trust me!
I'll text you my adresse later, k?
Seeyuuu…
I closed my eyes and held my breath, hoping that he would just see it as a normal friend's request. I don't want him to be suspicious or anything! I tightly clutched a pillow and literally smashed it against my face over and over. I'm slowly losing my mind… What if I can't contain myself when he comes over…? I mean IF he comes over?! Ugh, damn that thought from before! Couldn't I have just ignored it and keep lying to myself?! Suddenly, the screen on my phone lit up. My heartbeat sped up and I read the message I got.
Seriously, it makes me uncomfortable when I imagine you talking like that irl.
Stop pls.
Sounds sweet!
I'll be coming shortly!
My cheeks were so warm at that moment. Even my eyes were getting really moist. «Yoshiki…» Just whispering his name made me feel so giddy inside…! I swayed left and right, my heart beating out of my chest. Alright, I said I would make something good. Therefore, I'll make something good! Hmmm… Chicken curry? Chicken curry it is! I got up the moment I approved of my thought and ran to the kitchen.
*DING DONG!*
Wait, what?! He's here already?! Sigh, alright… I'll just have to deal with it. I lowered the heat on the pan and went to the door to open it.
«Hey,» he said with a purposely fake confidence and chuckled. I laughed with him and returned the greeting: «Hey!» His nose twitched and his eyes widened. «Chicken curry?!» he blurted out, even scaring me a bit. «Um… Yeah… Do you like chicken curry?» I asked nervously. He clenched his fists in excitement and literally yelled out: «Are you kidding?! I LOVE chicken curry!»
I laughed at him and said: «Well, I was making loads!» «Yayyyy!» he yelled out spinning around and gradually ended up in my apartment. Gosh, that was the first time I saw his childish nature…. How cute…!
…
«Oh my gooooood! I love it!» he moaned out… very sexually, his mouth filled with the extra spicy chicken curry. I raised an eyebrow at him. «Really? Everytime I make this for my mom, she always complains about how spicy it is,» I said. He swallowed the load in his mouth and said: «If you haven't figured it out yet, I love spicy food. Suuuuper spicy food.» «Oh my gosh, me too!» I blurted out excitedly. Seriously, the things we had in common meant so much more to me after I admitted my feelings to myself!
«By the way, Yoshiki… What are your plans for christmas?» I asked cheerfully while we ate. Luckily, he didn't look so gloomy about it. «Hmm… I thought about visiting my parents. I do that every year,» he replied. «Oh… So you ARE going to celebrate christmas with your family?» I asked surprised. He nodded, understanding why I would be surprised.
«I do… But it's always the same routine. After giving me gifts, mom and dad start arguing due to comparing gifts. I feel like… every single christmas is not a happy one,» he said sadly. That just broke my heart. It was so easy to see that he even had scars from something as small as that.
«Y'know, Yoshiki… I have an idea for this christmas,» I said after gathering my courage. «Huh?» he asked. I assume he meant «What is it?» «How about both of our nuclear families together to celebrate christmas?» I asked.
He stopped chewing his portion and just looked at me. «You… you serious?» he asked after about 20 seconds. «Dead serious. What do you think?» I asked with a smile. He scratched the back of his neck, clearly having mixed feelings. «Trust me. My parents are very accepting and good-hearted,» I assured him. He shyly smiled and said in a low voice: «I know… Otherwise, they wouldn't have been able to make such an amazing daughter…»
«Huh…?» I asked. That was mean. I clearly heard what he said. But I was so selfish that I… wanted to hear it again. «Nah, never mind… I doubt that you'll believe me, but you're a really strong girl, Ayumi. Even after I acted so reserved towards you, you still sticked with me and tried to help me,» he said. I bit my burning lip in embarassment. Has Yoshiki always thought that about me…?Yoshiki suddenly picked up a notebook from his pocket and his usual black pen and quickly wrote. Wait, is that the diary I gave him? Has he filled out half the book!? «You… have a lot on your mind, don't you?» I asked. «Mm.. I guess,» he muttered and closed it. He always carries that around… I'm glad he doesn't hesitate to let his feelings out, though.
«But y'know… I sticked with you for a reason,» I said, still not satisfied. He looked up at me, his lips a bit seperated. «I just can't leave you in pain like that… I just can't. Only the thought of you living with regrets and scars makes me so sad,» I said, looking down on the floor to hide my reddened face. I had unconciously gotten up from my chair. Even if I can't tell him how I really feel… I can at least give him hints.
«Ayumi…»
I flinched when I felt a pair of soft finger underneath my chin. I looked up at Yoshiki's eyes, so gentle and affectionate. Why… did I feel like crying that moment? Do I really feel this strongly about him? «All the time… You're so sweet that I just feel like I can't even get close to you like this. I could fall apart at any second…»
His voice had a pained ring to it… But it was a pain he barely felt because of the passion. I could almost feel his warming breath on my lips. «Won't you spare me…?» he whispered out, our lips only inches away from touching.
*DING DONG!*
We both immediately let go of each other when the doorbell all of sudden rang. «I-I'll be right back…!» he blurted out panicked and ran off to the bathroom. Dammit! Screw that guy who just pressed the fucking doorbell! Ugh… I went to the door and opened it once again.
My jaw literally hit the floor and my eyes rolled to the back of my head.
«M-Mochida-kun!?» I yelled, shocked at his sudden appearence. «Shinozaki… I'm sorry, but I really can't wait any longer,» he said, struggling to even say the words. It was easy to see that he had been restraining himself. But I still didn't want to reject him just yet!
«Come on, just answer me! Do you wanna go out with me or not?» he asked me impatiently. I backed away a few steps as he got closer to me. Pfft… You still think I'm strong, Yoshiki? He sighed annoyed and spat out: «You give me no choice…!»
Before I could say anything, he had pinned me against the door and pressed his lips very harshly against mine.
Why did I have a feeling that he'd do this again? I was paralyzed in fear and couldn't do anything while he kissed me so roughly. «Haa… I love you, Shinozaki… I love you so much…!» he breathed out, only to kiss me again. No… That's not true… Based on this behaviour, I can't believe him! My stomach literally twisted when I felt his tongue brushing against my bottom lip. He was strong, so I had to push his cheeks instead of his chest.
I panted while glaring at him. «Bullcrap… It's not me you love. The only thing you love… the only thing…» I whispered out of breath. I collected all of my anger in my throat and literally yelled at him:
«YOU ONLY LOVE THE CONTROL YOU HAVE OVER ME!»
He widened his eyes at me and furrowed his eyebrows. «Get… away from me…!» I hissed out, but of course, he didn't listen. He almost crushed my hips and kissed me again. «Nnf…! Mm!»
«… Ayumi?»
No… Not now…!
At least Mochida-kun let me go, but my mind became completely muddled at Yoshiki's blank gaze. He just stared at me and Mochida-kun. But his look gradually changed into sadness. He looked downwards at the floor, shadows covering his eyes.
«Heh… I guess I'll get going…» Mochida-kun muttered, disappearing as suddenly as he appeared. Everything was so quiet after he left, and I couldn't say muvh that would change the situation. It was only one thing, actually. But no matter how many times I said it…
«Yoshiki… Please, it's not what you think!»
«I'm sorry, Ayumi. I'll get out of the way for now.»
Yoshiki just walked out… Leaving me with only cuts of heartbreak.
A/N: Fuck… What will happen next? PLZ review and tell me your thoughts! UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3