A/N: CHAPTER 8 IS UP! PLZ ENJOY ;3
How many hours have passed? The sun has gone down and I feel as empty as the winter's night. After Yoshiki just left my apartment with just wrong beliefs and misunderstandings about me and Mochida-kun. I know… I'll never forgive Mochida-kun. If he decides to do anything more vulgar, I'll tell Onizaki-san. She's the only one who can do anything about it, considering how weak I am.
But it's not him I'm worried about…
…
Half an hour passed. It was hard to shed tears. Not that I tried to on purpose. I kinda wanted to prove to myself how sad I was. How much I hated myself. How much I wanted to go back in time and kiss him right there before Mochida-kun rang the doorbell. Then, maybe I would've had the courage to show Mochida-kun the door instead of letting him in.
I wrapped my arms tighter around my knees and buried my face in them. He must've went home, right? I mean, where else could he have gone? I don't know where he lives, so it would've been the perfect plan if his plan was to get away from me. Actually… I do have his adresse. I wrote it down during our first consultation. However…
I looked out of the window to the side from the couch and let out a heavy sigh. I don't think seeing him right now is the best idea… It's a bad idea, to say the least. But… Damn it!
I punched the table in front of the couch, frustrated by my complicated feelings. I want to see him… I want to see him, for God's sake! I feel like I might lose my mind at any second if I can't feel his precense! I tightly clutched my head and literally broke down on the couch. And I'm supposed to be a psychologist? Look at me! Seriously, just look at me! I'm a mess. I became this mess ever since I met that guy. That blonde bastard stirred up my mind and emotions so severly that I can't even think properly. He has completely… taken over me.
Ugh… I need some food. Maybe I'll get a grip after ending my hunger. Is there any curry left? I got up from my couch and went to the kitchen to reheat the small leftover in the microwave. While I waited for 3 minutes, I sat down on the dining table. The dining table with one empty chair that Yoshiki used to sit on. I rubbed my eyes harshly, tired and frustrated. Can I please keep myself from thinking about small, heart-breaking details…?
…
My super spicy chicken curry has never tasted this bland before. Maybe the feeling of emptyness nummed my taste buds too? One after one. Bite after bite. The sound of cars in the distance only added to the atmosphere. Come to think of it… My life would've been so much more easier to handle if I didnt't complain about the clients that dealt with love troubles. If I just kept having those clients, I wouldn't have had to deal with Yoshiki's problems. But if I had met him before-hand… which I had… I would still help him.
So…. Would it have been better if I never met Yoshiki Kishinuma?
After I finished eating and washing the dishes, I decided to keep resting by the dining table. I felt like all of my spare-energy had been wasted by opening my mouth. After looking around at the table with an empty gaze, I suddenly noticed something on the empty space on the table in front of Yoshiki's seat.
«The diary…» I murmured out and took a hold of it. The material felt rough sgsint my fingetips when I lifted it up from the table. It feels heavier than when I gave it to him… Has he really been writing that much?! Well, I did say that he should use in when he has to say something he can't say to me.
I can't… It's the same as invading his privacy!
Come on, just one little peep…! I need to know his secrets, for a few seconds at least!
With bad choices roaming over me, I opened the notebook and read the first page.
I haven't had a diary since high school. Oh well, guess it's back to the basics! I was really surprised when I saw that the girl that crashed into my last night was my psychologist, but I'm so glad that it wasn't a complete stranger. Plus, she's really cute and smart. And seriously, she's so nice… Even though she found out that I'm deaf, she was still so nice… effortlessly. I really hope she'll be a great help.
I sighed in awe at the way he wrote the paragraph. Well, he IS a writer. That's what you'd except from a guy who used to write for a living. I should have stopped there. But I was carried away by his vocalbulary.
I saw Shinozaki with Onizaki-san's nephew earlier. I didn't like it. I don't know why, but my hands were shaking in anger when I saw him make her smile. But when I think back on it now, she's not like that when she talks with me. Shinozaki's eyes literally sparkle when she talks to me. The way her lips move Is really interesting too. Her fingertips shake after a sip of coffee, as if the caffeine is too much energy in one portion. I never thought I'd be this satisfied by just an image of a woman. I'm not either, so I don't know what I'm getting at. I would've loved to hear her voice. I'm sure hers is really cute. Maybe if she visits me one night, I could hear her without her noticing?
Wait… During the night? Does that means that… Was my theory right?
Everytime she's with me, I feel like I can show everything. Like I can let out everything, without any shame. How can I be so confident around her? In the cafe where everybody else were too busy with themselves. I can't forget the feeling of her warm chest pressed against my face. If she could make me feel that special every hour of the day, I'm sure my wounds would finally heal.
The way he had written down his raw feelings anf passion from that time was enough to make my heart soften up and my eyes moist. He has such a pure heart…
Lately, I've been so depressed from overthinking situations. «A future with Shinozaki doesn't exist». «She won't ever see you as anyone other than a client». «She won't ever solve your problems. Get over it!» Everytime I think that… It happens all the time. My breathing changes and the fear and anxiety I felt everyday of my teenage-years comes right back at me. My body trembles and all I can do is crouch up somewhere and suffer, the entire night. I want Ayumi to help me, more than anything. But how is she supposed to when I'm too scared to tell her about my real condition?! I'm so helpless that no one can help me right now… All because of Ayumi. Because of her, I can't feel safe with my scars anymore. I've now seen the true identity of my wounds from the past that won't heal. All because of… Ayumi Shinozaki.
Great… Now I don't know how to quit her.
Drip… Drip… Tears were falling down, one by one. The tears I'd been holding back the entire day were not hesitating anymore. I'm so sad… but so happy at the same time…! The thing that happens to him during the nights… It sounds awfully lot like seizures. That's not good. That's really not good. The thoughts from just half an hour ago were thrown out of my mind. I quickly turned on my laptop and wrote down his adresse before heading out.
…
*KNOCK KNOCK!*
«Yoshiki!»
My throat was already getting worn out by just shouting once. If he can hear me now, then it'll be okay to knock and yell. But he won't recognize my voice. «Yoshiki! It's me, Ayumi! Please, open up!» I yelled, slamming my hands against the door. This won't go anywhere. I put my ear against the wall and searched for any possible noise. Wait…
«Haa….Haa…!»
As if someone was getting chocked, someone was gasping for air. There's no doubt about who that person is.
«I'm coming in!» I screamed as loud as I could and took several steps back, my breathing quickening. No… I need to concentrate. When I thought I was ready, I ran towards the door, lifting my right leg up when I was close enough and kicked it open with all my might.
…
His eyes.
With the door out of the way, my face was completely fixed on his face. He was sitting down on the floor, clutching the sides of his head tightly, his face stained with tears and his lips trembling.
«A-…. Ayumi…?» he whispered out in a weak voice. My heart ripped out of my chest, seeing him as helpless as he seemed there. It felt so real that it was hard not to think that it wasn't. I just wanted to pull him into my arms and tell him that everything was going to be okay. I hadn't kicked the door in completely, so it was still working fine. I shut it behind me and walked towards him with careful steps, afraid that I would scare him.
When I got close enough, I sat down in front of him and just looked into his eyes. His eyes were quivering at me. «I knew it… I knew that you would come… You're such a nice girl… There's no way you wanted to be with that guy, anyways… right?» he whispered out.
I struggled with not being able to cry when I cupped his cheek with one hand, gently stroking it. With a trembling hand, he held mine, moved it to his smooth lips and gently planting a kiss on my hand. «Yoshiki… I'll do everything I can to heal your wounds… No matter the cost,» I promised him, feeling the tears build up.
Yoshiki's eyes widened at me and his lips parted. Huh…?
«Ayumi… you… your voice…» he whimpered out, removing his hands and relocating them on my shoulders. Right… This is the first time he's heard my voice. A portion of tears slowly ran down his cheeks as he whimpered: «I knew it… I was right. Your voice is so beautiful…»
He immediately pulled me into his arms and tightly embraced me, letting me feel his breath on the back of my neck. «Yoshiki….» I whispered, returning the embrace. I just closed my eyes and sweeped myself into his affection. «Your voice… is really beautiful…!» he hissed out, embracing me even tighter.
I slackened the embrace so that I could face him once again. With our hands intertwined, I didn't hesitate to move closer to his face. This time… I won't let anyone interupt this moment. After Yoshiki closed his eyes, my courage reached its highest point and I immediately melted my lips into his… for the first time.
…
«Ayumi…»
At some point or another, we had ended up on his bed. We were still holding hands when he kissed me for the second time of the night. It was so much more deeper and passionate… Yoshiki gently pushed me down on the bed and drifted his kisses downwards to my neck, collarbone, breasts…
«Ahh… W-Wait…» I shyly breathed out and hitched up my shirt and pulled down my skirt. Even through the darkness, the red color on his cheeks was so easy to see. He started undressing himself as well, revealing his surprisingly muscular torso.
«Oh… Your skin is so smooth…» he muttered when our naked bodies touched, sending an incredible tingle from my chest to the tips of my toes. Yoshiki gently kissed me on the neck and whispered: «If you really want to be with me… Would you go off to hell with me?»
I looked up at him and ran my hand through his blonde hair. I had my answer ready. It was probably ready from the moment I realized how important Yoshiki was to me.
«Yes… I'll follow you anywhere…»
From there… I just closed my eyes and drifted away in pleasure and love.
A/N: Yaaaaaaaay finally! Hope you enjoyed! PLZ REVIEW AND UNTIL NEXT TIME ;3