Disclaimer: I own the plot only. The characters of Kingdom Hearts I, Kingdom Hearts II, Kingdom Hearts Chain of Memories, Kingdom hearts Re: Chain of Memories, and Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days belong to Tetsuya Nomomura and Square Enix. Dr. Phil and his wife and show belong to Doctor Phil. Please don't sue! I have no money! (Hides behind giant check)

Larxene grumbled as she packed her stuff into a suitcase she had bought a few years ago. As if having to see Axel and Roxas going at it all the time wasn't enough, why'd Demyx have to make it seemed like she liked the pyromaniac Seme? Men.

Marluxia sauntered through the door, swinging his hips a little too much. He plopped down on his bed. "Heyya, Larxe." He greeted.

She glared. "How many times must I tell you to not call me that?" She wondered.

He shrugged. "So what-cha doing?"

"Packing!" She snarled. "What do you think I'm doing?"

"Fantasizing over Axel."

"Ugh, not you, too."

Marluxia cocked his head to the side, meaning he wanted to know more.

"Demyx."

"Aw, what'd Demy say this time?" Marluxia sounded like he was talking to a four year old.

"You heard him at the meeting, we all did."

"Oh, that." Marluxia waved a hand at her. "Ignore him. You know all he wants is for you to react to him."

"Why?" Larxene questioned, zipping her suitcase.

"Ain't it obvious? Maybe he likes you." Marluxia winked. "You know. Likes."

"I know what you mean and he better not! I'd claw out his eyes so fast with my knives that he won't know what hit him!" She flashed a throwing knife.

Marluxia rolled his eyes. "Sure you will." He didn't seem to believe her.

"I will. Don't you test me. Him and Axel are both getting on my nerves."

"We're talking about Axel again?"

She flushed. "Shut it." Larxene grabbed her suitcase and left the room.

Sometimes sharing a room with Marluxia was a good thing, but other times it was a pain in her ass.

Xemnas paced back and forth in the garage of The Castle That Never Was at 20 hundred hours that night. Where was everyone? Had they not taken him seriously?! He bit his nails. No, they had to take him serious, they just had to! What kind of a leader would he be without his men, and Larxene, doubting him? His students didn't take him seriously, but he didn't have to share a house with them!

The tapping of boots on the floors made him look up. The rest of the Organization XIII members trudged in, not looking very happy. Xemnas noted that both Axel and Roxas' clothes were messed and a little torn, but he didn't say anything. They were probably going at it again. He swore that when it was late at night, he could hear them getting it on when his room was in the tower on the backside of the Castle.

"Everyone ready to go?" Xemnas called, once they got closer to him.

"If we have to be." Zexion muttered.

"Aye, Matey!" Xigbar answered him. "We be ready to go. 20 hundred hours, like ye said."

Xemnas rolled his eyes. Damn that job of Xigbar's…

"Well, then let's go." Xemnas told them, gesturing to the Hummer-Limo he had rented for the day.

Roxas' eyes almost bugged out of his head. "We get to ride in a Humo?" He wondered.

"Are you saying Humo or Homo?" Zexion muttered.

"It fits either way." Saïx muttered.

The two of them snickered.

"Yes you get to ride in one." Xemnas beamed, happy he had at least someone's interest, even if it was the new kid.

"Let's go!" Roxas grabbed Axel's hand and dragged him to the limo.

The others followed, watching Axel stumble over his own feet. Once they were all successfully loaded into the limo, Xemnas told the driver to leave through the intercom.

Roxas snuggled up against Axel on the seat against the back window of the Humo. Marluxia watched them to see if they'd start doing anything explicit, but the others were doing their best to not look. An extra bag sat between Axel's feet on the floor.

"Hey, Axel, what's in the bag?" Vexen questioned.

Axel opened it up. "Fireworks. Lots of um." He responded with a chuckle. "I brought them from work so we can have a show later."

"Cool!" Lexaeus commented. "I've always wanted to see a fireworks show up close."

"Oh, don't kid yourselves." Roxas rolled his eyes. "Axel just wants something to set on fire at the beach house."

"That isn't true." Axel shook his head. "I brought my Axe. I can set that on fire."

Roxas moaned. "Sometimes I wonder why I ever agreed to be your boyfriend."

"Cause you were desperate." Larxene sneered.

"Aw, come on Larxene." A pirate accent ordered. "Leave the poor lubbers alone."

"Lovers, Xigbar. Lovers." Xemnas corrected. Note to self: Get Axel to burn the Amusement Park to the ground.

Demyx played a soft tune on his sitar. He didn't seem interested in the others too much. Saïx watched Demyx's fingers move over the fret bar as the notes changed.

"Is there a movie on this ride?" Lexaeus questioned.

"Sorry. I didn't bring one." Xemnas flushed.

How could he forget that? Movies are what kept the peace in this Organization!

"We could watch one of the ones I brought." Axel suggested.

Roxas grabbed his hand to stop him from searching in the bag for one. "Axel, I don't think they'd be into Yaoi." He whispered. "Marluxia and us, yes. Them, no. Save it for tonight. I'll make it fun."

"You'll do anything to make it fun?" Axel wondered with a raised eyebrow, emerald eyes gleaming.

"Yes, anything." Roxas whispered.

"Alright then." Axel kissed the corner of Roxas' mouth. "Sorry, don't have one."

Marluxia pouted. He obviously knew there was a Yaoi porno in that bag.

"That might be a good thing, mate." Xigbar nodded.

For once, Xemnas couldn't agree more.

Xaldin folded his arms and settled into his seat. "I'm going to go to sleep now." He told them all. "Wake me when we get there."

Roxas lay his head on Axel's shoulder. "You've got the right idea, Xal." He told the black haired man. "Wake me up later, baby?" He looked up at Axel.

"Aw, how could I say no?" Axel kissed his forehead. "I'll give you my special wake up call."

Roxas smiled before his eyes slid shut.

Lexaeus pushed the tip of a needle discretely into his arm and pressed down on the top. The once white substance entering his veins relaxed him. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the ride. Vexen opened up the mini bar. It was filled to the point of explosion with wine, champagne, and beer.

"Jackpot!" He whispered.

"Where?!" Luxord almost jumped out of his seat.

"Liquor jackpot, Luxord." Vexen muttered, pulling out a couple beers.

"Oh." Luxord attached a bluetooth headset to his ear and dialed a number on a regular cell phone. "Hey, Gambit, it's Luxord. Yeah. I'm going out of town. Pay that guy in District 3 a visit. I want my money."

"Luxord, this is a vacation. No working allowed!" Xemnas scolded. He tried to take the phone, but Luxord growled and he backed off.

"You know better, Xemnas." Demyx wagged his finger at his Boss.

"I know." Xemnas rolled his eyes.

Demyx went back to playing his sitar. Marluxia giggled.

"Care to share with us, Marluxia?" Xemnas wondered.

"I just realized something." Marluxia stated.

"And?" Xaldin questioned.

"If you rearrange the letters in Xemnas' name, you get 'Man Sex'."

The occupants of the Humo exploded into laughter and Xemnas flushed ferociously.

"Shut up!" Xemnas ordered softly. "It comes from Ansem!"

"There's no 'X' in 'Ansem'." Axel taunted.

"The naming ceremony puts an X in there!" Xemnas argued. "Come on, lay off!"

"I'm sorry." Marluxia giggled. "Do you need a hug?" He held out his arms.

"No, Marluxia."

"H-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-g!" Marluxia drew out the word.

"No!"

"Hug." Marluxia nodded and leaned across the laps of three people. He wrapped his arms onto Xemnas. "Hug."

"Okay, fine, you got a hug. Now get off."

Marluxia plopped back down in his seat.

"Thank God." Zexion muttered, crossing his legs after Marluxia moved.

"Hiding something, Zexion?" Axel chuckled.

"No!" Zexion flushed. "Lay off, Pyro."

"I think you are hiding something."

"He said to lay off." Demyx growled, not looking up or stopping his fingers from playing.

"Oh, and what are you protecting him for? We all know he can defend himself. Can't you, Zexy?"

"Zexy?" Demyx wondered. "I like that name."

"Well, I don't." Zexion responded, pulling a pocket knife from his pocket. "I don't like it at all." He took a look at the sleeping Roxas before dragging the knife over his wrist.

Xigbar pulled the knife from him before he could do too much damage to himself. "I thought you quit, mate." He told Zexion.

"I did." Zexion shot Axel a look. "I blame him." He slid into his seat and pulled the hood to his jacket over his eyes.

Xemnas plucked the blade from Xigbar and slipped it into his jacket pocket. "And what was the look at Roxas for?" Axel growled.

"He always tries to stop me." Zexion muttered from under the hood. "I wanted to be sure he was sleeping and didn't see me."

"Alright, alright, no fighting!" Xemnas growled, exasperated. "Can't you guys all try to get along?"

"Try to get along, we can. Yeah, can." Vexen's words slurred and he laughed.

A twelve pack worth of beers were open and empty on the floor of the Humo.

"Vexen!" Xemnas scowled. "That's coming from your paycheck!"

"Zha va gloo va tho." Vexen gurgled.

"You know what pay check I mean." Xemnas scowled.

"Pretty colors." Lexaeus commented, trying to grab the air. "Come back…"

Xemnas sighed. Why was his Organization so screwed up?

Xemnas couldn't help but feel a huge wave of relief come over him when the Humo came to a stop in front of the Organization XIII Beach House. Xemnas was the first out into the salty air. He breathed in deeply through his nose. Nothing like the smells of the sea to wake you from a bad mood. The others piled out after him, clutching their bags. Axel carried the sleeping Roxas, bridal style, out with him. He kissed the boy passionately, waking him up. Roxas snapped from his sleeping state and wrapped his arms around the taller male's neck.

"Morning." Axel whispered against his lips once they separated.

"Morning." Roxas returned the greeting and pulled out of Axel's arms. "Let me down, please."

"Just let me hold you a little while more…" Axel snuggled into Roxas' hair.

"It's been ages since we were here last!" Marluxia spun himself in a circle. "I can't believe we're back!"

Xemnas smiled, proud. "Glad you're happy, Marluxia." He told the so-gay-he-doesn't-know-it male. "Everyone go on in."

"Are we sure this place is safe to stay in?" Saïx wondered, backing up from a rat that scuttled by his feet. "It looks like…well…crap."

Sure enough, the building seemed to be very run down. Boards were hanging in front of the windows to serve as blinds and several windows were smashed. It appeared as though the front door had been kicked in, since it was hanging off it's hinges, but Xemnas had a feeling it wasn't.

"Oh, come on." Xemnas ordered. "It's not so bad."

"Except for the rats that keep going by." Saïx muttered, pointing to a group of rats running across the lawn.

"At least the view is nice." Roxas commented, looking up at Axel.

"I hope you mean the ocean, Roxas." Larxene informed. "Cause if not, then no, it's a terrible view."

The dark sky didn't leave much light to actually see the view, so for anyone knew it was filled with garbage and pollution. Saïx looked up at the moon. "Least the moon's full." He spoke. "I'm sleeping under the stars." He looked to Marluxia. "Join me?" He raised and lowered his eyebrows, making Marluxia giggle.

"I don't think they're gonna be doing too much sleeping, if you know what I mean." Zexion muttered to Demyx.

Demyx played a chord on his sitar. "You're telling me." He answered, before going into a full-blown rift.

"What's going on?" Lexaeus wondered.

"Nothing, Lexaeus." Luxord responded. "Shut up for once in your life…no, I didn't mean you, Sebastian…blast." He clicked a button on the cell phone. "Damn it. He thinks I was talking to him."

"Nice work." Vexen sneered. "Now you've lost all your money for a while. The crab holds a grudge."

"I don't know why I bother with him." Luxord shook his head and dialed a new number on his phone. "Diz? What's up, my man?!" He walked off.

Vexen and Lexaeus shrugged before chasing after him, stumbling over their own feet and each other. Larxene sighed. "Great." She muttered.

"Ah, the life near the sea be the right life for me, matey." Xigbar told Xaldin.

"Stop talking like a pirate." Larxene scolded.

"Thank you." Xemnas rolled his eyes.

"Does it bother you, wench? My salty seadog language?"

"I'll show you salty seadog language." Larxene scowled, pulling out her knives. "You'd better run like hell."

Xigbar screamed and ran off, Larxene in tow. "Get your ass back here!" Larxene ordered.

"Well, I'm gonna go inside and wash my hands." Xaldin told Xemnas, scrubbing his hands with antibacterial soap.

"Isn't that enough?" Xemnas wondered.

"NO!" Xaldin freaked out and ran to the house.

Saïx and Marluxia giggled as they walked off together, holding hands loosely.

"What was that about?" Zexion watched after them.

"Who knows?" Demyx shrugged. "Let's go find some inspiration for my next song." He ordered.

They walked off together, talking about music.

"Well, Axel, Roxas, I guess it's just us now." Xemnas stated. "Boys?" He looked around to find them missing. A noise made him look down.

Axel lay on his back on the ground with Roxas sitting on top of him, straddling his hips. Neither bore shirts and Axel's pants were unzipped. Roxas was massaging one of Axel's nipples and their lips were fused.

"Ugh." Xemnas scowled.

He walked off. Maybe there was something in the house he could use to drill the last few images from his head…

A white TV Van drove down the dark highway in Twilight Town in silence. A balding man in a suit and tie sat in the back with a man who was cleaning the lens cap to his camera and a man wearing headphones, listening to feeds from a transmitter. The balding man wiped at his brow, swiping off sweat.

"Do you have any idea where you're going?" The balding man questioned his female driver.

"Uh…sorry, Mr. McGraw. I think we're lost." The driver muttered sheepishly.

"Lost?" The brunette woman in the back wondered. "Ask for directions." She ordered Mr McGraw.

"Men don't ask for directions." The man with the headset told her.

"You need to pull your guy head out of your guy butt." Mr. McGraw ordered the man. "If my wife asks for something, you guys have to do it."

"Do it?" Questioned the man with the camera.

"Please, Riku, not in front of my wife."

Riku smirked. "Sorry, Mr. McGraw." He answered, cleaning the lens cap.

"Yeah, come on, Riku. Don't disrespect the lady with your talk." The man with the headset ordered.

"Like you're one to talk, Sora." Riku smirked. "Remember last week when you were telling Kairi of our latest sexual endeavor in full detail and Mrs. Nelson walked by? Poor thing must be scarred for life."

Sora stuck his tongue out at Riku. Riku made a biting motion and Sora put his tongue away, giggling maniacally.

"Come on, you two. Stop goofing off." The driver ordered. "Don't make me get out the tape."

The boys shuttered and went back to their respective jobs. They never should've role played Kingdom Hearts, the newest video game craze, when Kairi slept in their apartment that night.

"Uh oh." The driver stated. "Shit."

"Kairi…" Mr. McGraw scolded her. "Please, no swearing. A young woman like you shouldn't talk like that."

"Cut the crap, Phil. We're almost out of gas." She sneered.

As soon as she spoke, the van sputtered to a stop. Sora's equipment shut off. He flipped the switch back and forth and pounded on the keyboard, but nothing happened.

"I knew we shouldn't have wired the computers to the van's engine." He moaned.

"Hey, your idea, not ours." Riku stated, standing. He walked over and set the camera on the useless keyboard. He kissed Sora and rubbed his shoulders. "We'll find gas somewhere." He was optimistic. "And we'll have the system up and running in no time." He kissed Sora's neck.

Sora lay slack in his chair and leaned into Riku's touch. "You're right." He muttered, eyes slowly closing.

"You know, if you want, we can divulge into your pasts and try to figure out why you crave sexual attention from other males…" Mr. McGraw started.

"We don't crave it from other males." Riku looked over his shoulder at his Boss. "We crave it from each other."

"And we get it." Sora muttered.

Riku kissed his temple.

"Let me rephrase." Mrs. McGraw answered. "We can divulge into your past and figure out what made you want to have sex with other males."

"We're no guests on the show, Robin." Riku snarled. "Don't diagnose us, either of you."

"Alright, alright." Kairi turned, knowing a fight was brewing and wanting to stop it…or see it, whichever worked out. "Look, there's a house over there at the top of the hill. Let's ask them for gas."

"Great idea, Kairi." Mr. McGraw answered and pushed open the back doors to the van.

Mrs. McGraw, Riku, and Sora climbed out the back after him. After Riku jumped down, he turned and put his arms out for Sora. Sora jumped into his arms and Riku spun him in a circle, kissing him. Kairi slammed the van's side door shut.

"Better lock it." She stated. She pressed a button on her keys and the van made a 'beep' noise.

"Let's go." Mr. McGraw walked up the gravel trail to the front door, the others in tow.

Riku carried Sora as if he was a prize to the top. He set him down once they got there. Sora stretched. "My legs needed a break." He commented.

Kairi rang the doorbell.

A man with silver hair answered. "Yes?" He wondered. "How may I help you?"

"Hello, there." Mr. McGraw smiled in greeting. "I am Doctor Phil McGraw. Perhaps you know me as Doctor Phil?"

"No, but go on." The man leaned on the door frame.

"This is my wife Robin, Kairi: Our driver, Riku: Our camera man, and Sora: Our technical guy."

"Look, if you want money, we don't got any."

"Our TV Van broke down outside your home here." Dr. Phil gestured to the van. "May we use a phone to call our studios for help?"

"Uh…sure. You can use Luxord's phone." The man pushed the door open wider with his foot. "Come on in, have a seat."

The inside of the place was a total wreck. A girl with blonde hair was chasing around a man in a pirate eye patch around the house. The man was screaming pirate lingo at her, which seemed to make her mad. An Emo looking boy sat on one of the couches with a man playing a Sitar, eyes focused on the instrument. A blue haired male stared out the window at the moon as though he loathed it. A blonde guy with a bluetooth came in from the other room, being followed by a red haired man and a sandy haired male, who was stumbling over his own feet.

"You know what to do if we don't get the money." The man with the bluetooth was saying. "Well, don't just give him a warning! Enforce the last one we gave him. Break his legs if you must."

A black haired man ran in and out of the room, the sink water running in the other room when he went in. A person with long pinkish hair was brushing and styling it in the mirror, but no one could tell if it was a man or a woman. But judging from the way that Riku and Sora were both checking out it's rear end, it was a male. Two males, one brunette and one redhead, sat on a couch together, lips joined. The redhead was leaning over the shirtless brunette. When Riku and Sora noticed, they stared at them. Kairi joined in too.

"Yaoi!" She whispered, rubbing her hands together.

The man with the silver hair came back with a cell phone. The man with the bluetooth and his followers were in tow.

"Here." The silver haired man told them.

"Don't break it…or else." The blonde sneered, making Sora hide behind Riku.

The man with the sand colored hair shot ice from his finger tips into the ground.

"Right." Dr. Phil took it and turned away. He dialed a number. "Selphie? Cancel the guests for the next week…well, just reschedule them…we just found our next big story…"