Chapter 55

At the cory's Rachel was sitting on the couch,while she looked at Jamie and lisa;"I've asked you both to come downhere for a reason."

"Did you want to talk to us about sam and Amanda?"asked her son;"Or about Mathew?"

"About neither of them."answered mac as he saw how difficult this was for his wife;"Your mother has asked you to come downhere for another reason."

"You asked us downhere so that you could tell us something,rachel,didn't you?"started their daughter-in-law hesitating;"Something important?"

"Yes,I did."said she softly;"About four weeks ago I went to see doctor white because I'd been having a lot of headaches,along with other symptoms."

"What did Edwin say?"asked Jamie worried when he saw the sad look in rachel's eyes;"It must be pretty bad if you've waited so long to tell us,mom."

"It's…."began his mother not sure how to tell them;"It's a braintumor that can't be removed or cured,Jamie."

"Oh,my god!"answered he shocked as his wife put her arms around him and held him tight;"Does that mean that you're going to die?"

"Yes,it does."said Rachel tired;"Probaly in about five or six months."

"Are you in a lot of pain?"asked her daughter-in-law worried;"It must have been terrible these last few weeks while you were walking around,rachel,knowing that you're going to die."

"At first it was,but there was nothing that I could do to change it and so I have accepted it."answered she with a faint smile and took her husband's hand into hers;"I've had a good life,so it isn't as bad as you think and I've got medication to block out the pain."

"How can you say that?"started Jamie angry;"How can you say that dying isn't so bad,mom?"

"Calm down,Jamie,getting all worked up about this isn't going to change anything!"said his step-father;"All your mother is trying to say is that she has accepted the fact that she's dying and that she's happy with the life that she's lived."

"I don't see how you two can both talk about this as if it's no big deal!"answered he and looked at his mother;"How can you just give up without a fight,mom?"

"Because I can't win this fight,honey,there is nothing that I or anybody else can do to stop me from dying."said Rachel and grabbed his hand;"I just want to spend whatever time I have left in peace with my family."

The next morning Michael was on his way out the door when shane showed up;"Goodmorning,shane,you're up early."

"Is Nicole here?"asked he uncomfortable;"I really need to talk to her."

"She's here,but I don't know if she wants to talk to you."answered Michael;"She's really angry at you."

"I know that,Michael."said the young cop tired;"Are you angry at me too for taking donna down to the policestation with me?"

"No,ofcourse not,shane,I know that you were only doing your job and you didn't have much of a choice."started he slowly;"But Nicole doesn't seem to understand that and she's really angry at you right now."

"What is he doing here?"asked a voice behind them and when they turned around they saw Nicole standing there with donna;"Didn't I tell you guys that I never wanted to see him again?"

"Come on,Nicole,you're only saying that because you're angry right now."said here sister and stopped Nicole as she wanted to walk away;"This isn't shane's fault,because he was only doing what he was told to do and you shouldn't be angry with him for that!"

"Please,just listen to me,Nicole,that's all I'm asking of you!"begged shane;"I didn't want to be on this case or bring in your sister down to the station and I've asked the captain to pull me off the case,but he refused and said that I had to do my job."

"You could have said no!"answered his girlfriend still angry;"How can you work on something that is all about our family,shane?"

"If I had said no then I would have been out of a job."said he tired;"Nobody says no to the captain when he gives you a direct order."

"Then your job is more important then I am!"yelled Nicole furious as she ran up the stairs;"Go to hell,shane Cassidy!"

"Don't worry,shane,I will talk to her when she's calmed down."promised her sister as she looked at shane,who stood there with tears in his eyes;"I'm sure that she will change her mind if you give her some time."

At the hospital sam was having breakfast when his wife came in,sitting in a wheelchair;"Amanda…?"

"Hi,sam."said she hesitating;"How are you feeling?"

"A lot better."answered her husband;"And you?"

"I feel fine,but sharlene doesn't want to let me go home yet untill she's sure that the contractions have really stopped."

"Jamie said that I could go home by the end of the week."started sam slowly;"I have asked felica if I can have mitch's old room at tops and she said yes."

"Why do you want your brother's old room?"asked his wife surprised;"Aren't you coming home,sam?"

"No,not yet,because I think that it's better if I stay at tops for a while."answered he;"Just untill we can sort things out between us."

"But moving out?"began Amanda shocked;"Do you really want to move out of our home?"

"I don't see it as moving out,honey,it's only to give you some space to get over what I did to you and to let you decide what you want to do,Amanda."

"I want us to get back to the way things were between us before I found out about your night with tara,sam,I want things to get back to normal again and I don't want my mother to die!"answered his wife with tears in her eyes;"That's what I want!"

"I know that and I want that too,but the fact is that I spend the night with her and that your mother is going to die."said sam softly and put his arms around her to comfort her;"There is nothing that we can to change that and all we can do is try to get past it."

Mary was making breakfast for everybody when Cheryl came home after spending the night at chad's;"Goodmorning,honey."

"Goodmorning,mama."said her daughter;"Is everything okay again between you and pops?"

"Yes,everything's fine."answered she surprised;"Did your father tell you about our fight?"

"No,but he was in such a bad mood and you were gone all day long yesterday that it wasn't hard to figure out that you two must have had a fight or something."

"We did,but lastnight we sorted everything out."said her mother;"How was chad?"

"He's doing good and ofcourse happy to be home."started Cheryl hesitating;"He wants me to move in with him,mama."

"That's a big step."answered she;"Do you want to move in with him?"

"Yes,I do,but I don't know if I should."said her daughter;"I'm glad that everything is out in the open,but moving in together might be a bit too much right now."

"You shouldn't let other people live your life for you,Cheryl,if you really love chad and want to move in with him then you should."

"Just like that?"asked she surprised about her mother's advice;"But how do you think pops will react to the news of me moving in with chad?"

"I don't know how your father will react,Cheryl,but this is your life and not your father's."answered mary;'You have to do what you think is the right thing to do,honey,even if that means that your father or somebody else might get upset."

It was just before one o'clock when m.j. was brought into susan's office in a wheelchair by one of the nurses;"Hello,doctor Harrison."

"Please call me susan."said she looking up;"Are you nervous?"

"A bit."answered m.j. hesitating;"I don't feel comfortable about being here."

"That's only normal."started susan slowly;"You don't have to talk about anything that you don't want to talk about and everything that you say remains within these four walls,m.j."

"I don't want to talk about anything,but I do realize if I don't then my nightmares aren't going to go away."

"Why don't you just start by telling me about new York and then we will see where that gets us?"

"New York was great and I loved every second of it untill that day."began m.j. softly;"I will never forget the sound and the pain I felt after that."

"Do you still remember getting shot?"asked susan curious;"Do you remember every little detail,m.j.?"

"No,it's funny,but all I remember is the sound of the guns and the pain."answered she;"I don't remember the car coming down the street or aaron screaming at me to look out,susan,these are all things that aaron told me afterwards,but I do remember the sound of being shot and the pain I felt."

"Except for in your nightmares?"said she;"Aren't you nightmares all about what happened that day?"

"I'd just wish that the nightmares would go away and I could forget about that day,but I guess that I will never forget it because I have my nightmares and my scares to remind of what happened every single day."

"Maybe the memory of what happened will never go away again,but we can atleast try to make it fade away a bit and make it less painfull."answered susan slowly;"Those nightmares are only there because your mind has been trying to hard to block that day out instead of dealing with it."