Emily is dead.
I should say that from the outset. This isn't Five Stages; she's not coming back. JJ knows it, you should, too.
That being said, if you're willing to stay for the sadness, then I hope you enjoy.
"Help, I'm still at the restaurant."
Raucous laughter drifted across the crowded restaurant, earning us dirty looks from people having their dinner disturbed by our joy, and perhaps we were too loud, too boisterous, perhaps it was distracting, but we didn't care. We didn't even notice the glances cast our way from the other disgruntled patrols who had expected a quiet Sunday evening meal; we were too engrossed in each other, too high after a rare, successful case.
Droplets of wine splattered the white table cloth and we only laughed harder as Emily dabbed it with her napkin through tears of mirth.
I don't know what we were laughing about. Looking back, could it really have been that funny if I don't even remember it? But I know it was, because I remember that Hotch snorted, he snorted , and that never happened, ever. We were lucky to get so much as a smirk from him, so whatever the joke was, it must have been hilarious. Was it something Penelope said? I think so, but as hard as I try, the memory is lost to me. I can't even remember what I ordered that night, or what kind of restaurant it was? Italian? No, Dave only likes Giorno's, and it wasn't that place. Greek? Mediterranean?
I don't remember the restaurant, but I remember the beaming grin on Emily's face. I remember the way her eyes creased with happiness as she surveyed the team, as she met my eyes across the table and shook her head in amused disbelief. I can see it all, now, in slow motion, like a movie. Her slim fingers, wrapped around her wine glass, the liquid in it about to slosh over the rim, again. The stained tablecloth.
White fabric stained scarlet. Red droplets on the concrete floor. A pool of blood.
I'd go back to that night, if I could. I'd live there, forever. Never leave that table, in the corner of the restaurant I can't remember.
I should have held on. To the moment. To the memory. To her. I should have held on.
She is lost to me now.
"You left me no choice but to stay here forever."