jaiden83 – she's gradually gotten more forward as the relationship progressed…and going from shacking up in a dorm to really having a home together is a big step forward personally and together so I think it breeds even more familiarity. Glad you got a laugh :)
Tara wrapped her robe around herself, relaxed after a long, steaming shower.
The room was still misty and she could feel her pores unclogging and refreshing. It was still a treat to take her time in the shower and not worry about the timer blasting her with cold water while still having conditioner in her hair.
She moisturised her face and neck and rubbed the excess into the tops of her breasts to keep them soft to the touch. Her legs were smooth and her hair smelled great and she was just generally feeling pampered and joyful. She'd be starting work soon and it was thrilling to be at the point she'd worked so hard to get to.
She exited the bathroom and turned into their living space, where Willow was sitting on the couch with a ripped envelope lying beside her. She had a letter in her hands, which she was peering at intently.
Tara came over and dropped into the seat next to her.
"Did we get our first mail at our new address?"
She rubbed her toes along Willow's calf, but Willow unusually didn't respond. She was nervously thumbing the corner of the letter.
"Forwarded on from campus. I didn't know they did that."
"They do when you have an 'in' at the admin offices," Tara replied with a grin.
"Oh, right," Willow replied absently, "Yeah. I forgot about that."
Tara glanced over Willow's shoulder and noticed the school emblem in the corner of the letter. Her eyes scanned a few words in and she inhaled softly, feeling the mood shift.
She'd been waiting for this conversation ever since they'd graduated, and guessed that the catalyst to having it had just been introduced.
"Whatcha got there?" she asked, keeping a casual air to her tone.
Willow's knees started to clap together and she stood up to stop it being so noticeable.
"It's, um…from the graduate school I applied to. They wrote before graduation and said I was on a waiting list…and now there's a place."
"Wow," Tara replied, picking up the letter from where Willow had left it on the coffee table to read properly, "Well, that's amazing."
"Uh huh," Willow replied, gnawing on the skin in the corner of her thumb.
Tara wished she was in something other than her somewhat-skimpy robe, so she made sure it was tied tight and her knees were closed before addressing Willow again.
"You don't seem very pleased," she said softly.
Willow shrugged both shoulders, trying too hard to seem indifferent.
"I'm just…thinking, you know. About the logistics. I'd have to take out a student loan."
Tara nodded.
"Yeah, you would."
Willow snatched her thumb away from her mouth, accidentally drawing blood but too preoccupied to notice. She yanked the nearest chair at the table out to sit on.
"That's a big deal. Saddling me – a-and you – with debt for the rest of our lives. You know, when we get married and stuff. Laying it all on you. Legally and such."
"If it's what you want, it's worth it," Tara assured, wanting Willow to work out her own decisions without her being a factor, "We'll pay it back. A lot of people do."
Willow's face was creased with concern and worry and when she finally looked up, it was the most scared Tara had ever seen her.
"What if it's not what I want?" she asked, her voice barely above a hollow echo.
Tara's heart broke; she knew how difficult it was for Willow to admit that. She knew Willow's heart had never been totally bonded to the area she'd chosen to study and Tara got the impression it had been that way since the rift started with her parents. By then Willow wouldn't have had the confidence to change her major and her interest had slowly dwindled since.
Tara had begun to wonder after the research project and picked up on Willow's uncertainty since.
She was very pleased Willow was finally being honest with herself but was under no illusions how difficult this could be. She came over to Willow and knelt at her feet, taking Willow's hands in hers and holding her fingers gently.
"Then don't do it."
Willow forehead creased and uncreased several times, moving between relief at the thought and confusion at the consequences.
"But if I don't do it…what do I do?"
Tara reached up and brushed some hair from Willow's brow.
"Do what makes you happy."
Willow stood up abruptly, unable to stay still, and accidentally knocked Tara over in the process. She was too busy beginning to hyperventilate to notice.
"But I don't know what makes me happy. Apart from you. I thought what I studied did, but it doesn't, not, not like I thought. I turned into a horrible person during the research project and I felt like I was living at home again, jumping for any kind of scrap of attention and feeling like I was only worth my work. It was the whole reason I chose it in the first place; to impress my parents. I don't like the academia and I have zero interest in listening to people's problems all day or hearing the hells they've gone through and I just don't, I don't–"
Tara brushed herself off quickly; she knew it was an accident. She stood up and grabbed Willow by the shoulders.
"Sshh," she soothed calmly, "Breathe."
Willow's cheeks were starting to flame and her eyes were wild.
"How can I breathe!? I just spent four years getting a degree for nothing!"
Willow was struggling, but Tara kept a firm hold on her.
"Having a psychology degree doesn't mean you have to work in psychology. It's a broad degree. It wasn't for nothing."
"So what the fuck do I do?" Willow asked, almost physically tearing her hair out.
"Do you need to know right now?" Tara asked, tone gentle and calming.
"Yes!" Willow screamed.
"Why?" Tara asked, placing her hands delicately on Willow's face.
"Why? Why?" Willow spat, jaw clenched, "Because, because what the fuck do I do with my life?"
She pushed herself out of Tara's embrace and Tara's face hardened.
"Willow, stop pushing me."
Willow flattened her balled fists and looked contrite.
"Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."
Tara approached Willow again and took one of her hands.
"Can you please take a breath and come sit down with me so we can talk?"
Willow swallowed and let herself be lead back to the couch without argument. Tara got her a glass of water and oversaw her drinking half of it, before sitting beside her again.
"Okay. Now let's not freak out. You don't need to know exactly what you want to do at this moment in time. You know how some people take a year off between high school and college?"
Willow nodded, holding the glass in both hands to keep them occupied and not flailing.
"Yeah."
"You can take that time off now," Tara suggested easily, "Figure out what you want to do. I start work soon, we'll have money coming in. A roof over our heads and food to eat. You can find yourself, or your interests, or whatever you want to call it."
"Don't people travel and stuff?" Willow asked, looking down into her lap, "When they're 'finding themselves'?"
"Do you want to travel?" Tara asked.
Willow shook her head.
"Not without you."
Tara scooted closer and put an arm around Willow's shoulders.
"There are no rules. You can volunteer, learn a new hobby. You never let yourself breathe. You're allowed to breathe," she said softly, but Willow's brow remained permanently creased, "I know you're terrified not to have a plan. But all you've ever known is school. It's okay to take a break."
Willow was, quite literally, at a loss. It was all too big to contemplate in a few moments.
"…I never intended for you to be paying all the rent and stuff."
Tara waved a hand.
"That doesn't matter. How much did you pay for when we were dating?"
Willow shrugged.
"It's not like I kept track."
Tara leaned over and pressed her lips to Willow's cheek, sweetly.
"Exactly."
Willow accepted the few seconds of comfort and stayed close to Tara when she pulled away. Her eyes were sunken and she looked up at Tara like a lost child.
"I'm scared," she admitted.
"I know," Tara replied, rubbing Willow's arm, "But it's a lot less scary than facing into a life of something you don't love."
Willow considered that and actually seemed a little shocked that Tara wasn't wrong.
"Yeah…you're right," she said, swallowing again, then offering a weak smile, "Guess you can call me Willow No-Plan. There's a Western name to be jealous of, huh?"
Tara kissed Willow's forehead and Willow leaned her head against Tara's chest.
"I wish I knew like you do. I wish I had that conviction."
"You'll find it," Tara replied, with plenty of that conviction in her voice, "I believe that. I believe in you."
Willow closed her eyes and tried to block out the sound of her hammering heart.
"At least someone does."
Tara kissed the top of Willow's head since the kisses seemed to be soothing her.
"I always have."
Willow swiped at her eyes with her sleeve and took the letter again in her shaking hands.
"So, this is it…I'm rejecting the spot."
Tara rubbed the small of Willow's back.
"Take some time to think it over if you need to."
Willow suddenly had a flash of herself in the future; hair greying, smile non-existent and her face pinched and full of disdain as she was surround by books and papers. She looked way too much like her mother.
The letter was ripped in half immediately.
"I don't."
Tara put her arm around Willow's shoulders, squeezing with praise and pride.
"See, you're sure of something already. Knowing what you don't want to do is just as important as knowing what you do want to do."
The two halves of the letter fell back onto the table and Tara pressed a long, reassuring kiss to Willow's lips.
"Everything will work out. I have no doubt."
Willow pressed her palms together and interlocked her fingers, in her lap.
"How can you be so sure?"
Tara closed her hand around Willow's wrist.
"Because I have faith in you. And that's unwavering."
Willow's head bobbed in a nod and her palms hit together with a nervous twitch. She stood up and looked around, acting as lost as she felt.
"I think I need to lie down?" she asked, smoothing her hair back with both hands to disguise further fidgeting.
"Yeah, come on," Tara encouraged, standing and offering her hand, "I'll lie with you."
Willow took it gratefully and clung to Tara like a child. Tara brought them into the bedroom and lied down with her, on her stomach so she could reach across and play with the ends of Willow's hair, while still sharing the pillow so they were close.
She felt the effects of the hair-playing calming Willow down and matched her breathing so they synced up and created a tranquillity in the air.
Willow felt safe and comforted by having Tara around her and finally felt together enough to turn her head and meet Tara's eyes with her own vulnerable ones. Tara leaned in and pressed a kiss to either eyelid, then an even softer one against her lips.
"I know you're scared and unsure and confused and a thousand other terrifying things. But know, this is where I'm going to be through it all."
She leaned in, forehead to forehead and nose to nose.
"Right by your side."
Tara gently patted her face with a cold washcloth, careful not to disturb her lightly applied make-up.
She checked the buttons on her blouse to make sure they were all tied to the right hole and checked her neck again that it was hickey-free after Willow getting a little excited the night before.
When there was nothing left to fuss over or recheck, she took in a soft but deep breath and left the bathroom. Willow was carrying a flask over to the table to accompany a lunchbox and water bottle.
"Flask of coffee, packed lunch with completely inoffensive smells to not piss off new co-workers, bottle of water for your desk and an extra apple and banana for energy boosting snacks," she said, feeling very useful and very domestic, "I would have chosen a Snickers myself, but I figure the fruit was more up your alley."
Tara was touched by the effort and walked straight over to embrace Willow. Willow noticed she was clinging on extra hard and returned it with a reassuring squeeze.
"Hey…it's gonna be okay. You were all excited last night. 'Can't wait to start my job, Willow'. That was my impression of you, by the way."
"I am excited," Tara replied, but her voice was less than convincing.
Willow put her hands on Tara's shoulders and looked her square in the eye.
"It's okay to be nervous. First days are like that. But you'll do great. You already did great. They offered you a job before you even graduated for god sake! You're a freaking rock star, Tara Maclay."
Tara smiled bashfully and gave the ends of her blouse another tug.
"Do I look okay?"
Willow nodded.
"Smart. Professional. And very sexy. But don't worry, that's a requisite when it comes to me."
She pulled lightly at Tara's collar, smoothing it, then began gathering up the things on the table and packing them into Tara's new 'work bag' – a plainer, black messenger bag that was wide to accommodate files and had plenty of pockets for miscellaneous other items, like a lunchbox, a water bottle, and Willow's favourite pen that she'd given to Tara as a gift for her first day.
Tara spotted the pen again as Willow zipped up the bag.
"I'll take good care of it."
Willow smiled and placed the strap around Tara's body.
"I know you will. That's why I gave it to you," she said, smoothing out the strap and centering the bag, "Look at my working girl. You know your way on the T, right?"
Tara nodded nervously.
"Yeah, I think so."
"Want me to come with?" Willow asked, squeezing both of Tara's upper arms, "Not like I'm doing anything else while I'm, um, 'finding myself'."
"Are you making fun of my phrase?" Tara asked wryly, "You can call it whatever you'd like."
Willow pursed her lips in an attempted smile. She wasn't totally okay with her new life not-quite-a-plan but she was also trying her best to embrace it. After a few days of being uneasy about it all, they had switched roles as Tara became nervous about starting work and Willow became the reassurer.
"My Not-Gotta-Clue Vacation."
Tara relaxed and grinned back.
"You can be my little housewife-y."
"Okay, okay," Willow replied with a playful roll of her eyes, "Right now I'll be your escort – wait, not that ki– oh, just come on."
She took Tara's arm and her set of keys and walked her out. As they walked down the hallway, their grimy neighbour passed with his mail; his robe way too loose and face dirty, made dirtier by the seedy grin he was shooting at them.
"Ladies."
Willow's nose scrunched and she marched Tara right past him and onto the stairs.
"He is so gross. He looked down my top yesterday when I dropped my keys on my way in."
Tara cast an angry look over her shoulder, but they were already out of sight.
"Make sure you never go into his apartment if he invites you."
"I'm not a total idiot," Willow replied, holding the building door open for Tara, "He won't be getting any more than thought-jollies from me and I won't be giving him much to work with either! Baggy jeans and too-big hoodies when I'm collecting the mail from now on."
"Are you trying to turn me on?" Tara asked with a lopsided smirk.
"Not this early, but hold that thought 'til later…" Willow replied with sparkling eyes.
The T stop was only around the corner, but it took them several minutes to get through the crowds to wait for the train. There was standing room only and zero chance at conversation, so the trip was quiet apart from the bustle of people and the occasional bump into each other.
Willow didn't envy Tara having to make that rush hour trip every day but kept her mouth shut as they walked off the platform back onto the street. When they got to the large office building, Tara started fidgeting with her clothes again.
Willow took her hands to stop her, well-practiced from Tara's handling of her.
"You look great. You'll do great. You are great."
Tara turned her hands in Willow's and squeezed.
"Don't know what I'd do without you."
Willow smiled and forewent a kiss, not wanting to draw attention to or embarrass Tara.
"I'll be here at 5:30pm on the dot."
"You don't have to," Tara replied shyly.
"I'll be here," Willow repeated insistently.
Tara smiled, kissed her own fingers and pressed them against Willow's lips.
"Wish me luck."
"Won't need it, but good luck," Willow replied, releasing Tara's hands, "I love you."
"I love you," Tara replied and went into the building with a wave.
Willow waved back excitedly until Tara was out of sight, then sheepishly lowered her hand as busy people continued to bustle past her. She swung around to join them in-step and made her way back to the T station, where thankfully the line going back wasn't as chaotic. She sat in a seat and played on her phone, hidden in her sleeve.
When she stepped back into the apartment, she felt herself deflate slightly. She had no plans, nothing to do and no Tara to distract her or take care of. It really hit her that they were living real lives now and she was responsible for scheduling and occupying her day.
She had a look around and there was nothing really to do; the place was tidy, the dishes were done, but there was a hamper full of laundry. She considered it, and decided it would be great to be helpful, so she searched for detergent and hiked it downstairs with the bag of clothes.
She had the run of the laundry room to herself as most other people were at work, so she picked out the least old looking machine. She almost emptied out the entire thing straight in, but remembered at the last second about sorting colours and put them on the floor instead.
She carefully considered the machine and filled the tray up with detergent, then set it onto a spin wash like Tara had showed her how all those years before.
She smiled at it confidently as it started to whirr up, for all of ten seconds until suds started bubbling out over the top. Her eyes bugged and her arms flailed before she tried the fruitless endeavour of trying to catch the bubbles as they escaped. When that plan failed as soon as it began, she ran around to trace the plug and yanked it from the socket.
Thankfully, it stopped and Willow grimaced at her wet shirt. She did some sleuthing around the machine and figured out her problem fairly quickly.
"Fill to the line, Willow, not the whole thing! Dammit!"
She spent a couple of minutes pondering what to do and finally decided that she had to finish the clothes now they were thronged or they'd be ruined. She switched the clothes into a different machine, very cautiously put new detergent in to the line and set it to spin again. She waited with baited breath and heaved a huge sigh of relief when it just rattled on like it was supposed to five minutes later.
She looked guiltily at the corner machine and glanced out the door at the landlord/super's office. She knew she had to be and adult and face the music, so she knocked timidly. A grunt gave her permission to enter and she nervously pointed over her shoulder with her thumb.
"Hey, so, um, the machine in there-"
The landlord grabbed a laminated page from atop a filing cabinet and shoved it at her. Willow read the 'Out Of Order' sign and figured if there was trouble enough for him not to even ask what the problem was, she didn't need to alienate herself any further or admit being the culprit.
"Well, okay then. Thanks."
She shut the door, grateful to get out of that little corner of hell and carefully placed the out of order sign on the corner machine.
She hung back and watched the machine shake and jostle and had a naughty thought or two of sitting on top, or sitting Tara on top, though she knew the fear of breaking another machine would keep that fantasy firmly in her head and nowhere else.
When the machine came to a halt, Willow checked that the dial was definitely fixed at the end of the cycle. When she was sure she wasn't causing another sudsy Pompeii, she transferred the load to the dryer, which was a lot easier to use with just a minute timer to negotiate.
There was an old, ripped sticker with time guidelines for the size of the load and Willow was able to estimate from it. She stayed with it to stop and check intermittently, determined not to mess up her first attempt at keeping the chores and their home in order.
She smiled when it was all done and warm to her touch; it made folding less of a hassle and more of a comfort. She decided she liked that part, even if the rest had been gruelling. Finally she arrived back upstairs, quickly got changed out of that damp shirt and packed all their freshly laundered clothes away.
When everything was in its place, she stood in the middle of the living area and checked her watch.
She slumped.
Even with all the excitement, it had only killed a little over an hour.
With not much else to do in the apartment, she chose a book as her next task of choice, and she decided to use her Kindle to find something new she could sink her teeth into. She spotted a leaked copy of a new book called The Hunger Games and figured it looked right up her alley, so she cosied up with a tall glass of iced tea and her reader.
She was halfway through before she looked up again, from a hollow rumble in her stomach. She smiled, happy to have gotten so engrossed and saved her page to come back to the next day; giving her something to put on a schedule and something to look forward to.
Sure, reading wasn't a new experience or discovery, but it was also never a bad thing, and you never know when a book can surprise you or introduce you to something new.
She made herself lunch and made the decision to dedicate the afternoon to really discovering new things she liked - to 'find herself', using the words she'd teased Tara about. She set up her laptop on the table and did a variety of searches related to finding new interests and learning about yourself.
She waded through a lot of wishy-washy blogs and websites promising the secret to enlightenment for the low, low price of $19.99, but nothing with a lot of substance or that she personally found very helpful. She pushed her computer away in frustration and crossed her hands behind her head as she took in a deep breath.
She wasn't sure where to go or what to do next, when she got an IM chat from one of her hacking buddies, inviting her into a challenge.
Willow grinned at her screen and pulled the laptop back to her.
She closed all the tabs, stretched out her fingers and began to do what she did best.
Tara rode the elevator, trying not to feel intimidated by the other professionally dressed people and thankful that she was the only one to get off on her floor.
She didn't allow herself to pause to take any more breaths, lest she pass out and walked straight into the Department of Children and Families offices. It was just starting to get busy but the receptionist wasn't there yet, so Tara waited. After a couple of minutes, a familiar face popped her head around and spotted her.
Alice walked over with a pleasant smile.
"I heard that we'd hired you. I'm glad the boss took my recommendation."
Tara immediately stood up, her mouth opened in surprised that she'd been recommended at all. Before she could say thank you or form any other thought, Alice jumped right in.
"Do you remember the young mother you visited with me last time?"
Tara's head bobbed quickly. She'd thought about her almost every day.
"Yes, of course."
Alice smiled.
"She got her son back last week. Doing well, both of them."
Tara was slightly stunned at the surge of emotion that stirred in her. She had to quickly pull herself together so she could speak clearly.
"That's wonderful. I'm so happy to hear that."
Alice put a hand on Tara's shoulder, then nodded towards the boss's office.
"Go see the boss, but a little birdy told me you were being assigned to my team, so we'll be talking soon."
She winked and went back to her section of cubicles and Tara approached the office in the back. She knocked politely and waited to be called in.
Mr. Evans beckoned her forwards as she entered, looking through his cluttered desk for papers.
"Hello, hello, Miss…" he started, continuing to root before pulling out a file and reading her name, "Maclay. Nice to see you. We were glad you accepted our offer."
He gestured for her to sit, so she did.
"I was honoured to be asked."
"Well you gotta act fast when one of my best staff says you're one of the brightest young workers that have come through those doors," Mr. Evans said with a jolly Bostonian laugh, which then turned serious, "We know this is your first assignment, but we expect the best from our case workers. There are real children and families in our care."
Tara was still lingering over the first part, but quickly nodded solemnly.
"Yes, sir. I want to do my best. I want to help people."
"If you're still saying that in a couple of months of this day in, day out…then you have a future here," the boss replied slightly jadedly, "I'm putting you on Alice Kenter's team since you worked so well with her last time. Team meetings on Monday mornings and Friday afternoons, she'll tell you the times. Here's your computer and email log-in, you're on desk 4."
He handed her a sheet with information on it and nodded at her once. Tara stood there a little dazed for a moment, then realised he was waiting for her to leave. She stood up a little too quickly and clumsily stumbled out of the door, blushing and clearing her throat as she closed it again.
She wandered over to the section Alice had come out of before and found her desk easily as it was the only one empty. She sat on her chair and patted the desk for a moment, appreciating what a big deal it was that she'd gotten there. She'd barely had a moment when Alice was beside her again, this time holding a pile of files.
"Don't get too comfy, team meeting time."
Tara left her bag down and stood up, eager. Alice beckoned her into a conference room, where three males and two other women were already sitting, some looking a bit worse for wear and all nursing a large coffee.
Alice pointed downwards at a seat, which Tara took quietly. Alice stood at the head of the table and dropped the files in front of her.
"Good morning everyone," she said cheerily, though to little response, "First, let me introduce Tara, our newest member."
People's eyes diverted to Tara, who tried her hardest not to avert her own.
"We all remember our first day, so please be helpful," Alice continued, a slight warning tone in her voice.
The others did all offer smiles and Tara felt like the moroseness was Monday morning blues instead of any animosity towards her. She smiled back, then gratefully at Alice, who acknowledged her with a small nod.
The meeting was fairly standard and almost entirely conducted by Alice, handing out assignments and casework. Tara gathered that the Friday meeting would hear a lot more from everyone else as they reported back and she used Willow's pen to jot down some questions to remember.
When there was only one file left, Alice slid it across the table to Tara.
"Jennifer Patella. Seven years old, first reported last year by her teacher for bruising around her arms. Parents claim clumsiness, daughter backs up the story. She was in the ER again this weekend for a cut lip. We're checking up on her later this morning. She's yours."
Tara stared down at the file and Alice clapped her hands.
"Okay team, let's get to it."
Everyone else ambled back out into the office and Alice pulled her chair around to sit by Tara.
"Don't look so terrified, I'm coming with you," she reassured, opening the file to brief Tara, "The parents are tricky and know how to work the system. I need to catch them unaware or get the girl to talk. You have to understand, even abused kids are scared to speak out and there's only so much we're allowed to do."
Tara swallowed. She knew that all too well.
"I understand."
Alice handed Tara the file to read and learn and sent her back to set up her desk and computer. Tara logged in and started writing up her impressions on the case. She appreciated being able to jump right in but not being overloaded with work – she would have hated to let something slip through the cracks.
She noted from the medical reports that the girl shared some of the same injuries she herself had sustained, especially the bruising in places that would be hidden by most clothing. She was most disturbed by the persistent evidence of bruising on her thighs, something she'd only experienced when a kick landed the wrong way.
She poured over everything again and again, getting a feel for the language used by all sides and to know the girl as best she could, having never met her. Eventually Alice came to get her and they drove to a suburban street and approached an older looking, slightly crumbling house.
A woman answered the door with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and Alice flashed her identification. The woman rolled her eyes and grudgingly stood back to let them in. A man was standing behind her, looking over her sternly.
"Here to harass me some more?"
"We have some questions," Alice answered in a neutral tone.
He gruffly moved into the living room and sat down on the couch. Alice sat in an armchair opposite and Tara hovered by the door to observe. Alice had a clipboard and pen and started going through standard questions on a form.
After a few minutes, Tara noticed a flash of dark hair was poking out of a doorway up the hall. Tara raised her fingers in a wave and the girl hesitated, then waved back. Tara glanced at the parents whose faces were burrowed as they focused completely on answering Alice's questions with methodological evasion.
She silently pushed herself off the door and walked down to the little girl's bedroom. She was playing with some dolls and looked scared as Tara came in, so Tara hung back and waved again. It pained her to see the girl's swollen lip and the fresh stitches.
"Hi. I'm Tara."
The girl gave Tara the once over and finally answered.
"I'm Jenny."
Tara gestured towards the dolls.
"Can I play with you?"
Jenny seemed both confused and pleased and handed up a dolly for Tara to take. Tara did and came to sit with her, brushing the dolls hair with a mini comb. She didn't make any attempt to push the conversation, and finally Jenny spoke up.
"I don't like it when the people with the clipboards come here."
"How come?" Tara asked, twisting the doll's hair into plaits.
Jenny started brushing her doll's hair much harder.
"He gets mad when they leave."
A lump caught Tara's throat, but she pushed through it.
"Your dad?"
Jenny nodded and Tara inched just a tad closer.
"What happens when he gets mad?"
Jenny's brow furrowed.
"I'm not supposed to talk about it."
"My dad used to get mad too," Tara replied, covertly watching Jenny's face intently, "Does he only get mad when we leave?"
Jenny shook her head.
"When else?" Tara asked.
Jenny's eyes travelled to her bed, then to Tara. They were glassy and Tara saw her fighting between blurting out and shutting down. Jenny looked at her bedroom door, then scooted over to Tara and whispered in her ear.
"During bed games…when I cry. I'm not supposed to cry."
"Does he touch you?" Tara asked, and continued much too fast when she nodded, "Where?"
Jenny retreated again, back to her dolls.
"Mommy says you shouldn't talk about your privates," she answered, giving a cursory but not unnoticed glance to some small, pale marks on her arm that Tara knew all too well were healed cigarettes burns, which weren't mentioned in any of the medical reports.
Tara knew she'd come on too strong and needed to reign in her emotions.
"Are you scared?" she asked softly and timid eyes rose to meet hers, "Is there any time you aren't scared?"
Jenny finally smiled.
"At my nanny and pop-pop's house. They read with me and make me hot chocolate."
Tara smiled back.
"Do they live nearby?"
Jenny thought about it, looking away pensively before looking back at Tara like a normal, happy little girl.
"Two bus rides away."
Tara was contemplating what to ask next, when Alice appeared in the doorway and intently beckoned her over with her eyes. Tara could tell she was in trouble and handed the doll back to Jenny.
"I have to go now."
Jenny looked saddened, but resigned and it broke Tara's heart.
Tara walked over to Alice, who took her arm and spoke in a hushed voice.
"Tara, don't just run off like that."
"I'm sorry, I was speaking to the girl," Tara replied.
"You're lucky the parents didn't see you talking to her alone," Alice said sternly, "I should be supervising your first interviews. I had to say I needed to use the bathroom to come find you."
"I know, I'm really sorry," Tara repeated, voice lowered to a barely audible whisper, "But she told me her father is molesting her."
Alice's face shifted and she brought Tara further down the hall.
"What exactly did she say?"
Tara recounted the whole conversation and Alice's body language completely changed.
"Okay," she replied, matter-of-fact and brought Tara back to the living area, "That will be all for now, Mr. and Mrs. Patella."
Tara's eyes went wide, but she remained quiet until they were back outside.
"What are we doing, we can't leave her."
"We're going to file an emergency petition with the court for removal and see if the grandparents are suitable and willing to take temporary custody," Alice replied, walking briskly back to the car, "Then we'll come back with the authorities."
Tara was stalled on the road and Alice had to come over and drag her to the car.
"Come on Tara, there's no time to waste," she said, then held Tara by the arms seeing the conflict in her eyes, "It's the safest way to do this. Any step wrong and we jeopardise the entire investigation. We need to have a place lined up for her to go. We'll work quickly and we'll get her out of there as soon as possible. Now come on."
Tara got in the car and stared glumly back at the house. They were the last moments of quiet she had for the rest of the day, as she went through the whirlwind process of going to family court, testifying, sitting in with the grandparents during an interview and finally returning to the house with the police to remove Jenny from her parent's custody.
Her cut lip had been reopened in the intervening time and Tara felt completely sick over it. She comforted Jenny through the process, assuring her she was being taken to her grandparents, who were thankfully willing and able to take her.
The parents caused a scene, screaming and shouting, and the father was arrested. Both parents were brought into the police car to go for questioning and Tara tried to shield Jenny as best she could from the whole ordeal by playing music with her in Alice's car.
Finally Alice returned to the car, frazzled. She'd been pushed around a bit but straightened herself up in just a moment. She turned off the music and made sure Jenny had her seatbelt on while they went to drop her off with her grandparents.
Jenny just seemed to think she was going on a little vacation with her nanny and pop-pop, which was the best way she could be thinking at the moment. She hugged Tara when they got there and thanked her for bringing her there. Tara just smiled, unable to speak.
There was lots and lots and lots of paperwork and Tara was amazed at how much work was involved in one case – especially considering she'd eventually have many on her plate all at once. She remembered her templates from the internships but it still took her the whole rest of the day and scoffing her lunch at her desk to get everything in place for another court appearance the next morning.
She appreciated how quickly family court worked, but if she let one thing slip through her fingers it could ruin their entire case. It was a lot of responsibility, but she took it on in the knowledge she had someone looking over her to watch her back.
Finally everything was in order and Tara realised it was past 6pm. She gathered her stuff to leave.
"Great job today, Tara," Alice said, still at her desk and the only other one left in the office, "You were thrown right in at the deep end and you treaded that water. You helped that girl. Keep it up – but don't sneak off again. Stick to the protocols. Be creative where you have to, but stick to the protocols."
Tara nodded repeatedly.
"I will. And I'm sorry, again."
"Make sure to look after yourself," Alice advised kindly, "Take a bath. Pour a drink. Have sex. Do all three. Just make sure you unwind."
Tara blushed.
"Thanks. I will. I mean, um…thanks."
"Next day like this I will bring you out for a large glass of wine," Alice replied with a tired smile, "Today, I need to get home to my new kitten. Now there's a de-stressor. One rub of that little belly and I'm golden. You have someone to go home to?"
Tara smiled and nodded again.
"Probably waiting for me outside actually."
"Have a nice evening," Alice replied easily, "Bye."
Tara lifted her hand in a wave and left, riding the elevator with her earlier fears alleviated but new ones on her shoulders.
Willow was outside, leaning against the wall and Tara hurried over.
"Willow, I'm so sorry. I didn't see the time."
"No big," Willow replied tiredly, though not annoyed, "Didn't want to call and disturb. How'd it go?"
Tara made a non-committal gesture and Willow didn't push. The T ride home was as busy as the morning ride and totally sapped the last bit of energy from Tara. She was slumped walking home and went straight to the couch when they got in.
"I made some–" Willow started to say, but came over to Tara when she saw her hanging her head in her hands, "Hey…you okay?"
Tara's hands slid behind her own neck to massage it.
"Really…intense day."
"Wanna talk about it?" Willow offered, rubbing the small of Tara's back.
Tara opened her mouth and started to retell the whole tale, but only got about halfway through before bursting into tears. She vaguely finished it out that they'd gotten the kid to her grandparents for the moment but was mostly just blubbering, remembering the pain and hurt in Jenny's eyes and how it had mirrored her all those years ago.
Willow just held Tara and let her let it out, but as it went on and on, she really started to worry.
Was Tara going to be able to cope with this day in, day out?
Could she subject herself to this kind of evil without destroying herself?
Would all she worked for be for nothing?
Could it reduce her to nothing?
A long, long time passed until Tara was just sniffling and she finally looked up at Willow, surprising her to be smiling through her glassy eyes.
"I helped her. I really helped her."
All at once Willow's fears were broken and she knew this was it – this was what Tara was put on the earth to do. She pulled Tara into a hug and wiped the last of her tears with her sleeve.
"You did. You should be so proud of that."
Tara dismissed it with a shake of her head.
"It scares me how much people can get away with until we can intervene. Even the medical reports weren't up to snuff. She had healed cigarette burns that weren't noted in any of them. If someone had noticed those, we would have had proof of intent to cause harm."
"You noticed them," Willow pushed, wanting Tara to recognise her very noticeable achievement for her first day, "I wouldn't even know what healed cigarette burns look like."
Tara's brow furrowed slightly, then she angled her back towards Willow and lifted her shirt up. Willow wasn't sure why she was doing it, until she connected what she had said with the markings on Tara's back. She was shocked.
"I thought they were beauty marks," she said, swallowing, then touched each one reverently, "You are beautiful."
Tara smiled, although sadly, at the sentiment and lowered her shirt. She noticed it was dark and was surprised at how long she'd been crying.
"I'm sorry," she said, sniffling once, "Made you wait and cried all over you. I don't even know if I was allowed to tell you all of that. I shouldn't have. I can't do that again."
"My lips are sealed," Willow replied lovingly, "What about everything else? Are the others nice? Do you have a desk?"
"Yeah, and a work email," Tara replied with a lopsided smile, "Everyone is really nice. Alice is my supervisor, she was the one who I shadowed during my internship. They're government offices, so everything is kind of old. The lights kept flickering."
Tara didn't notice the guilty look on Willow's face.
"Well, I'm super proud of you," Willow said, changing the subject, "You must be starving. I made a pasta sauce."
"You did?" Tara asked, impressed, "I'd love some."
Willow jumped up and kissed Tara's cheek.
"You sit, I'll get it all ready."
Tara sat back and settled a cushion in her lap.
"So how was your day?"
Willow had her back turned and scrunched her face as she decided how much to reveal.
"I did the laundry," she said eventually, "Fresh clothes await your donning."
"You did the laundry?" Tara asked, surprised, "…and they all came out okay?"
"Yup!" Willow replied quickly, "No big deal. Now where did I put those bowls?"
She ducked down under guise of a search to avoid any more discussion. She didn't need Tara knowing about her near-catastrophe with the rabid washing machine, especially when she'd figured it out eventually. It was embarrassing.
As for her online dalliances…there was nothing to gain from another conversation there. She knew Tara didn't like it. It would just make her worry.
She found the bowls and hummed while she served up leftover penne with the new sauce she'd made after her afternoon keyboard fun. She felt sophisticated as she cracked some black pepper and grated some parmesan over their dishes.
Tara shook out a napkin in her lap and inhaled the steam.
"Smells great," she said, then had to try really hard not to choke when she took a bite, "Lots of oregano."
"Is it no good?" Willow asked, worried, "It said put five tablespoons in. 5 T-S-P!"
"Oh, honey," Tar replied, gently, putting a hand over Willow's "T-S-P is teaspoons. T-B-S-P is tablespoons."
Willow hung her head.
"Damn it. Spoons are not used as units of measurements in science!"
She slapped her palm against her forehead, but Tara took it and squeezed her hand.
"Easy mistake."
"I wanted to make you dinner after your big first day," Willow muttered, mad at herself for not double checking, especially since she figured a basic pasta sauce would be the simplest thing she could make from scratch.
"Is there more pasta?" Tara asked and Willow nodded.
Tara gestured for Willow to follow her and went over to the pot of sauce. She stirred in another tin of tomatoes, a little cream and some lemon juice. Some dried basil was tapped in on top and Tara made a note in her head to get the fresh stuff in the future.
They stirred it together so it blended nicely and let it simmer, then Tara offered some to Willow on a wooden spoon. Willow tasted it and smiled wryly.
"Delicious. Should have done that tasting thing before I unleashed it on you."
"That's how you learn, and next time you'll know," Tara replied kindly, "Let's eat on the couch and cuddle. It has definitely been a cuddle-worthy day."
Willow leaned her head in against Tara's shoulder, taking a moment with her.
"Every day is a cuddle-worthy day with you."
Tara leaned back, secure knowing she could get through any day with Willow on the other side.
"And every day with you is a joy."