Dlbn: Once again, I am so sorry for not updating in so freaking long! Bad author! Scolding is welcome
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. It all belongs to Tetsuya Nomura and Square Enix, or Dr. Phil. Even my soul isn't nine. (Looks fearfully at The Square Enix Lawyers in her room.) Gulp.
The Organization members, minus their 'brilliant' leader and his second in command, sat on couches together in the living room of the beach house.
"If they don't show up, I vote we get the hell out of here." Axel said.
"I second the notion." Larxene muttered, shining her kunai.
"I sent Riku and Sora up to get them a little while ago." Dr. Phil informed, scratching the side of his head. "You think they'd be here by now."
Riku and Sora ran into the room, panting.
"Well?" Dr. Phil wondered. "Where are they?"
"They…both of um…bed…it looked painful…" Sora muttered.
"Huh?" Robin wondered.
"They were in the silver haired guy's room…" Riku started.
"Man Sex." Marluxia interrupted.
"And they were…well…going at it…"
No one said anything.
"Ew." Roxas said after a minute, interrupting the awkward silence that had settled over the room.
"I knew they were doing each other." Larxene muttered.
"Surprise." Zexion muttered.
"Really?" Demyx wondered. "I thought everyone would have seen that coming."
Xigbar raised an eyebrow at the brunet. "Kingdom Hearts, you're a rather dumb one." He told the younger Nobody.
"Thank God for your ass." Zexion muttered.
"Hey!" Demyx protested, lightly slapping Zexion's cheek.
Xaldin ran into the kitchen, and Dr. Phil rubbed his temples.
"You do know that there's nothing there. Your hands are clean." Dr. Phil informed.
"Not clean enough!" Xaldin declared. "Not clean enough. They must be spotless! Spotless, I say!"
"You're wasting your breath." Vexen informed, words slurred. "He's a hypochondriac."
"Vexen…I didn't know you knew such a big word." Lexaeus said, his voice changed in pitch from its normal even tone.
"Shut up, Number Five. I'm your superior; you have no right talking to me like that. And besides, I'm a genius!" Vexen said, pointing to himself and sitting up straight. "Of course I know big words like that. I can spell the longest word in existence!"
"Nuh uh!" Lexaeus argued. "I bet you can't!"
"Sure I can! S.U.P.E.R…"
"Kill me now." Axel tilted his head back on the back of the couch.
"F.R.A.G…"
"God, Vexen, shut up!" Larxene sneered. "No one wants to hear it!"
"I want to get back to my sitar." Demyx informed. "Can we just leave now?"
"I'd go for that." Zexion nodded, bangs bouncing in front of his eye.
"They will arrive shortly, I have no doubt." Dr. Phil answered, which meant 'no'.
"Want me to go up and get them?" Marluxia wondered. "Two guys making out doesn't bother me."
"It doesn't bother any of us, or we wouldn't be able to tolerate each other." Larxene sneered, not looking up from her knives.
"You don't tolerate any of us anyway, Larxene." Axel sighed, not lifting his head off of the back of the couch. "What's the difference?"
She gave him a look, but she didn't answer. The question was probably rhetorical, anyway.
"I give them five more minutes, and I'm out of here."
"D.O.C.I.O.U.S! There! I spelled it!" Vexen announced.
"Are you drunk, young man?" Dr. Phil wondered.
"Who, me?"
"No, the wall." Demyx answered.
"Hey, shut up." Vexen gave him a look. "I was just asking. And I wasn't asking you."
"Are you drunk, Mr. …"
"Vexen." Roxas offered.
"Mr. Vexen."
"Yes?"
"Are you drunk right now?"
"Maybe." Vexen looked at the door. "Can we go?" He wondered.
"He's sober enough to say that."Axel informed, standing. "I guess that means you have no problems to work on right now."
Saïx walked down the stairs, without Xemnas. His hair was messed up slightly, and his cloak was unzipped, showing that he indeed wore no shirt underneath. He looked a bit disheveled, running a hand through his hair before sitting on one of the open chairs. Axel, who was still standing, sat and inched a bit away from Saïx. Riku and Sora were both flushing, obviously thinking Saïx knew he and Xemnas had been caught by them. They stood and went to Dr. Phil's side. Riku began to set up the camera as Sora whispered into his left ear, reading off of a clipboard.
"Where is Xemnas, if you don't mind me asking." Dr. Phil spoke, making Roxas choke on the water he was drinking.
"He's upstairs. I locked him in the bedroom." Saïx folded his arms and sunk into the chair. "I told him no, for Kingdom Heart's sake."
"No to what?" Dr. Phil looked to Riku to see if the camera was on, earning a nod from the boy.
"Nothing. Don't worry about it." Saïx flushed deeply.
Axel looked at him. "Just tell him, man. You know he won't give up unless you do."
"It's personal!" Saïx argued. "And I'm not about to talk about it in front of all of you."
"We're all friends here, silly!" Marluxia argued, looking at Larxene and then at Dr. Phil and his crew. "Most of us, anyway. We won't judge you or anything."
"I'm not talking about it." Saïx slinked into the chair even further, if that was possible.
"Are you sure?" Dr. Phil wondered.
"Yes!" Saïx sneered. "Bother someone else."
"Come on, leave him alone." Zexion ordered. "He obviously doesn't want to talk about it."
"Everyone has to talk." Dr. Phil argued. "How can you be helped if you don't participate in activities?"
"Hey, I talked already, so don't give me that look. Just pick a number."
"One that's not seven."Saïx muttered.
Dr. Phil motioned for Riku to turn on the camera. "How about eight?"
Axel raised an eyebrow. "Yes?" He wondered.
"You're aware of how the word association works, correct?"
"How about you try a different technique. Word association obviously isn't working." Axel scowled.
"That's his way of saying 'leave me alone'." Roxas muttered to Demyx, who was sitting between him and Zexion.
Demyx chuckled.
"Well, let's start with a few simple questions, I suppose." Dr. Phil answered. "A lot of people can only focus on the bad, never the good. Why don't you tell me some of the things that are going well for you?"
"Good for me?" Axel looked to Roxas. "Roxy and I keep ourselves busy, there isn't much for me to say."
Roxas caught the double meaning in Axel's words and flushed.
"How about your job? I know everyone here has one."
"Me? I work at a Fireworks Shop."
"Really? What an interesting job. Can you tell me why you chose to apply there?"
"I like fire." Axel said, a fire of his own burning in his eyes. "I like it a lot." He formed a fireball in his hand. "See?"
"Well…I've never…seen anything like it?" Dr. Phil seemed a bit confused as to how Axel did that, but he didn't say anything to him about it. "Do you enjoy your job?"
"More or less. Some people are real assholes, but what do you expect in retail?"
"So that's another positive. A good job." Dr. Phil avoided Axel's question. "What do you do there?"
"Work behind the counter, stock shelves, get the items people want off shelves…I'm tall enough to reach the top shelves, so I'm doing that a lot. Multitasking a lot between customers and getting stuff."
Dr. Phil nodded. "So you keep yourself busy, then?"
"More or less."
"Now, by 'busy'…" Vexen muttered, making the others chuckle.
"Very funny, Vexen." Axel rolled his eyes. "Anything else you want, Doc?"
"You said you like fire. How much?"
"Well, I like setting things on fire…"
"Sometimes us." Marluxia piped up, rubbing a small burn on his arm.
"I said I was sorry." Axel rolled his eyes.
"You…set your coworkers on fire?"
"Not on purpose." Axel shook his head.
"Well, I didn't walk into the flames!" Marluxia protested.
"It was an accident!"
"Alright, alright." Dr. Phil interrupted. "That's enough of that." He sighed. "Can you think of anything else positive?"
"I'll have something else to add to the list when you go away." Axel said.
Roxas chuckled and shook his head.
"Okay, then. So let's look at a point of interest. Since this is a family program, we won't go into details with how you and your friend keep yourselves busy, since I have a pretty good idea myself. Instead, let's talk about your fire obsession."
Axel made a fireball form in his hand. Sora looked fascinated.
"This?" Axel wondered.
Dr. Phil nodded. "Why do you like fire?"
"It's my attribute, so I'm used to it." Axel said.
"Um, excuse me, but 'attribute'?"
"Each Nobody has a special attribute, which is the type of magic we fight with." Saïx explained.
"Okay, then." Dr. Phil scratched the side of his bald head. "Is there any other reason you like fire?"
"It's…pretty…?" Axel asked. "I honestly have no idea."
"Aren't you the bright one." Xigbar rolled his eye.
Axel gave him a look that clearly said 'I'm going to light you on fire if you don't shut up'. Roxas nudged him. "Come on, Ax, stop." He ordered.
Axel gave him a small smile, but Roxas knew he was still up to no good.
"Have you ever heard of the term 'Pyromania'?" Dr. Phil wondered.
"Yeah. 'An unhealthy and sometimes lethal addiction to fire'." Axel said. "I'm not dumb."
"Have you ever considered being a pyromaniac?"
The entire Organization burst into laughter at that.
"Axel? A Pyro?!" Demyx laughed. "I never would have guessed!"
Axel was even chuckling. "I even had me fooled."
They all laughed harder and Doctor Phil pulled at his collar. Sora started to snicker, which warranted him a scolding look from Robin, and making Riku and Kairi burst into laughter as well.
"Alright, that's enough!" Dr. Phil snapped.
The laughter died down slowly. Larxene smirked. "I have to admit, Doc." She said. "No matter how annoying you are and how much I want to stab you with my kunai, that was actually quite funny."
Dr. Phil's face was red from embarrassment. "Alright, you all had your giggles, but this is serious work here." He started on a lecture. "How can you expect to get any better if you won't try the exercises I'm giving you? Don't you want to be healthy?"
"How can you make us healthy when you probably aren't?" Saïx asked, sliding down in his seat. "I'm telling you, this is a waste of your time."
"No case is completely helpless." Dr. Phil argued. "If you'd all at least try the stuff I'm attempting to do, you'd…"
Xemnas trudged into the room. His pants were unbuttoned and his coat was opened. He looked out of breath. Larxene looked away.
"That is way more of you then I'd care to see, Xemnas." She said, shielding her eyes with her arm. "Zip up at least."
Xemnas looked down at the button of his pants and set it back together. "I'm fine, thank you, Larxene." He sneered, before looking over at Saïx.
"Hey, I told you no, and you wouldn't listen to me." Saïx said. "So I locked you in the room."
"You could've just hit me." Xemnas protested.
"This was funnier."
Axel chuckled.
Dr. Phil smacked his head. "Well, I can see everyone's a bit stressed out. Saïx, why don't you come talk to me in private?"
"Because I don't want to." The blue-haired Nobody sneered.
Dr. Phil turned to the camera. "When we return, more of my session with Organization XIII."
Riku grinned. "And cut!"