Dlbn: Well, here we go. The next and final chapter of A Very Disorganized Organization Vacation! Things are less funny and more serious towards the end, but that's sadly the way it had to be. You'll see what I mean. I'm sad to see it come to an end, as I really liked this story. But I'm planning on a sequel, so keep an eye out for it in the future.
Nbld: Thank you to LightWithinDarkness, Ravenclaw992, and Blue Moon for reviewing chapter 12!
Disclaimer: I own nothing in this fic. Doctor Phil and his wife belong to themselves. Organization XIII, the nobodies, Sora, Riku, and Kairi belong to Tetsuya Nomura and Square Enix.
000
Later that night, Xemnas and the rest of the Organization sat in the basement of their vacation home, except for Xaldin who was still running to the bathroom every five minutes. Dr. Phil and his crew and wife had fallen asleep an hour or so before. Roxas and Axel had come to the basement and destroyed all the surveillance equipment installed in the place, Roxas by whacking at them with his Keyblade and Axel setting them on fire, so they were sure they weren't going to be watched.
Xemnas cleared his throat and the others, surprisingly, stopped talking and looked at him.
"Alright, we all know why we're here." Xemnas said. "Dr. Phil and his crew are nothing but trouble and we need to get them out."
"About time you're doing something, Xemnas." Larxene sneered. "So what's our plan?"
"We've got to convince them that their services are no longer required."
"So we make them think they helped us?" Zexion wondered, peering at Xemnas from behind his bangs.
"Exactly." Xemnas said with a nod.
"In case you haven't noticed, they haven't done anything." Axel said. "Xaldin still runs to the bathroom every five seconds, Larxene's still a bitch, you still don't have a spine, Xigbar still talks like a pirate-which I think is getting worse, actually-, I still set things on fire, Roxas is still clingy, Lexaeus is still stoned, Vexen is still drunk off his ass, Saïx is moody and refuses to let anyone touch him, Luxord still calls people on his Bluetooth every five minutes to threaten them, Zexion has fresh scars on his arm…"
Zexion pulled his sleeve down and glared at Axel, who continued on talking.
"Demyx is…whatever he is…and Marluxia still thinks he's a girl!"
"Yes, I know things look dim…" Xemnas flushed and pulled at his collar. "But if we can fake emotions, I think we can fake being healthy."
The others exchanged a look.
"Xaldin's gonna have a hard time with that one." Roxas pointed out.
"Well, yes, but the rest of us can get it." Xemnas nodded. "I'm pretty sure on that."
"We need a plan in order to completely fool them." Larxene looked over her kunai. "So how?"
"We don't let Saïx near Phil again." Demyx said, not looking up from his sitar.
Saïx glared. "He set me off. I can't help it."
"Yeah, but it makes you look crazy."
Saïx growled.
"Saïx, Demyx, please stop." Xemnas rolled his eyes. "So I guess we should start off one by one on how to appear normal."
"You need a backbone, mate." Xigbar said. "We should start with that."
Xemnas glared. This was going to be a long and painful process.
000
The following morning, the Organization members were sitting down to breakfast in the kitchen, something they rarely did, when Dr. Phil and company awoke. Dr. Phil seemed surprised that they were sitting and eating.
"This is a…pleasant change." Dr. Phil said.
"What is?" Larxene asked, a bit too sweet for her.
"You're all getting along." Dr. Phil said.
"And not trying to kick us out." Sora piped up.
Riku nodded. "Did you guys all start on downers or something?"
Larxene giggled.
The others blinked.
"We've been reviewing the tapes you guys have of us." Xemnas said. "And it appears that we have been behaving irrationally. Isn't that right?"
"Yes, Xemnas." They all droned as one.
Sora and Riku shared a look as Dr. Phil's jaw dropped.
"So…you don't need us?" Dr. Phil asked.
"I suppose not." Xemnas smiled. "Now, how about we call you a tow truck for you van, huh?"
"Yeah, I think that would be a good…" Dr. Phil started. He was cut off by Kairi.
"Wait a minute." She ordered. "Something's not right here. How could they be reformed over night? Nothing you do works that quickly, even on willing participants."
"I suppose we aren't your average group of people." Zexion said.
"I think that was an understatement, Zexion." Demyx said with a smile.
That sent giggles over the table.
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit!" Dr. Phil said. "This is the greatest change I've seen in a long time! I think I'm tearing up!" He rubbed at one eye with a finger.
"Come on, Phil! They're trying to pull a fast one on us!" Kairi argued. "You can't honestly believe that…"
"I must be the greatest psychologist ever to live! I turned around the lives of thirteen people over night!" Dr. Phil was really teary. He clasped his hands together and held them over his heart.
"Are we sure it was me with the gender identity disorder?" Marluxia wondered, relaxing back in his chair. Though he didn't like to sit the way he was, in order to look more masculine, he had to sit like any normal guy, and act like one, too.
Dr. Phil flushed. "Oh my! This is so amazing! I'm sure to get a Nobel Peace Prize for this! Oprah, eat your heart out!"
Xemnas raised an eyebrow. He could swear he could see little hearts and sparkles floating around the balding man. "I think someone's delusional."
"People will hold a parade in my honor! Dr. Phil day will occur every year! Twice on leap years! Oh, it will be grand!"
"Honey, you're having delusions of grandeur again." Robin said quietly. "I think it's time we got out of here. Our services are obviously no longer required."
"They're not completely fixed! They've got to be faking!" Kairi turned to the rest of the crew. "Sora! Riku! Help me out here!"
"I have an idea." Sora said with a smirk. He walked over to the table and stood next to Roxas. "Hey, Roxas." He greeted with a sly smile.
"Hey, Sora." Roxas returned a smile. "What's up?"
"I got a question for you."
"Okay." Roxas shrugged. "What?"
Sora leaned down and whispered into his ear. Fake emotions played on Roxas' face.
"Seriously?" He asked, eyes wide in fear. He neutralized his expression as quick as it had changed. "Oh, very funny, Sora." He rolled his eyes. "I'm not falling for that." He leaned a bit closer and whispered, "Axel wouldn't leave me, silly."
Sora smirked. "Are you sure?"
Thankfully, Roxas kept his false emotions in check. "Of course I am." He smiled.
Sora gave him a scrutinizing look before walking back over to Riku and Kairi. "He doesn't seem to be faking it." He muttered.
"Seriously?" Kairi asked. "You're just as dense as Phil!"
"Hey, now, don't insult me!"
"I heard that, Sora." Dr. Phil took a moment out of his 'Nobel prize' rant to scowl at the younger boy. The break only lasted for a minute, however. "They'll give me the key to the city…no, to the white house! Or the UN! I would be world famous! I'll go down in history for my awesome feat!"
"Can it, Phil!" Riku finally yelled. "None of that is ever, ever, ever going to happen!"
Dr. Phil gave him a look. "Don't count your chickens before they hatch, Riku." He said.
"That makes no sense." Xaldin pointed out.
"If you wish for something to happen, it will." Dr. Phil said. "You just have to be ready to grab the opportunity when it comes close to you."
Riku rolled his eyes. Sometimes the Doctor was so irritating.
"I still say they aren't cured." Kairi shook her head. "Why don't you guys tell Phil what exactly you learned that is helping you cope?"
"What a splendid idea, Kairi!" Dr. Phil said. "Riku, go get the camera! It will be a group confessional!"
"Fine, Phil." Riku shrugged and left. He returned in a few minutes with the camera. He set it up facing the Organization, most of the members looking nervous.
"Well? Go on, boys." Kairi said.
Larxene gave her a death glare and she backed up a bit. "Sorry." She said. "Everyone, go ahead and tell Dr. Phil what he's said that has helped you out the most while we've been here."
"Who would like to begin?" Dr. Phil wondered, looking over the group. When no one answered, he spoke again. "How about we go in order from one to thirteen, hm?"
"Shit." Xemnas rolled his eyes as he cursed under his breath. "I would be delighted to go first."
Riku pointed the camera to him. "And go."
"Wait!" Dr. Phil cried out. "First, state your name, what you think your issue was and then what I said to get you to change. Okay, go!"
Xemnas rolled his eyes. "I'm Xemnas, the leader. My problem was uh…that I didn't think anyone had faith in me as leader. So I was kind of a push over." He said. "The thing Dr. Phil said that helped me most was said during my session with him earlier. It was that the others can't respect me because I don't respect myself."
Dr. Phil nodded happily and motioned for the others to keep going.
"I'm Xigbar. I'm number two in this Organization, but I'm not second in command. That's Saïx's job." He said. "My problem was that I believed I was a pirate. I had worked at an Amusement park that had a pirate ship ride, and I was in charge of that. I let my job take over my life. I'm sorry, Dr. Phil, but it was more my companions asking me to stop all the time and getting annoyed that helped me. Not you."
Dr. Phil looked defeated, but he motioned for more.
"I'm Xaldin, number three." Xaldin said. "I had an extreme fear of germs. I was running in and out of the room all the time to go and wash up. But now I see that the germs are all in my head. They aren't really there."
"I'm Vexen. Number four, if you must know." Vexen spoke up. "I was a heavy drinker. Alcohol can be addicting sometimes. Like when I used to watch Marluxia dance around in tight clothing when he didn't know I was watching."
Marluxia flushed and the others seemed to gag at the same time. Strange.
"Doctor Phil told me that the answer wasn't in the bottom of the bottle and, after thinking about that for a while, I have to agree."
"Lexaeus." Lexaeus went on. "I did heroin. Doctor Phil says you can't take back stupid. Doing drugs when in a house like ours was stupid. I don't do stupid anymore."
"I'm Zexion." Said nobody pushed his hair out of his eye, only to have it fall back into place a moment later. "I was a cutter. I did so to relieve the pain I felt inside. Doctor Phil asked me if it was teenage angst that made me do it, and I avoided the question. But now I see that he was right in that assumption. I had nothing to be hurting over. There was no reason."
"I'm Saïx." Saïx said. "Something happened to me when I was younger, but I'm not comfortable going into detail with it at this moment. I didn't like any romantic contact with others…especially down…there…"
"Saïx…" Xemnas paused, as Saïx turned to him. "You never told me that." He put his hand on the other's knee."
"You never asked." Saïx said softly, before turning back to the camera. "But I have come to terms with it, even though it's hard to talk about, and I know that what happened wasn't my fault. I have no reason to believe that the same thing will happen again if I let anyone close."
"Axel." Axel said. "I'm a pyro. Doctor Phil said that some people mostly focus on the bad things, rather than good. I took a second look at my obsession with fire and noticed that there were a few negative things about it. Mostly good. So that didn't help. But seeing my friends, and I use the term loosely, take his words to heart and change, I figured I'd give it a try."
"Demyx!" Demyx spoke. "I'm a bit of a sadist. The Doc didn't deal with me much! But Zexion asking me to not, "do that so hard" all the time made me realize that something needs to be done."
"Name's Luxord. I have a gambling problem. But as you can see, I've put down my Bluetooth and no longer have that issue." The blonde said.
"Marluxia." Marluxia said. "I was very feminine before Doctor Phil came. Hell, I was feminine while he was here. Doctor Phil told me that it's not normal for a man to wear woman's clothing and act like a woman. Just because wearing dresses and painting my nails made me feel good, it didn't mean I had to do so."
"Larxene." She toyed with her hair. "I was angry all the time, always picking on the others and starting fights just because I could. Doctor Phil had said that anger is an outward expression of fear. I didn't think I was afraid of anything. But now I realize that I was afraid of something. I was afraid that if people saw the real me, if I let them get close enough to, then they wouldn't like it…like me…but now I know that it doesn't matter if they like me or not. As long as I like me."
"And lastly, I'm Roxas." Roxas said. "I was afraid of being abandoned by the people I trusted most. My parents left me to survive on my own for a long time when I was young. I think that's where it stems from. Anyway, I was thinking the other day about the Organization. And I realized something. We're not Organization XIII without thirteen members!"
"So there you have it, America!" Dr. Phil said. "I have successfully turned the lives of the members of Organization XIII around 180! Everyone is on the road to recovery. And that is the best gift any one man can give."
Riku pressed a button on the top of the camera. "And cut."
000
Xemnas and the rest of the Organization stood along the side of the road as a tow truck hooked up Dr. Phil's road crew van up to his truck.
"Well, I guess this is goodbye, everyone." Dr. Phil said, tears glittering in his eyes. "It was such a pleasure working with you! You will all receive compensation for your time on the show."
"The pleasure was all ours, Doctor Phil." Xemnas said. "Without you, we'd be in a heap of trouble right now."
"Yes, it is all thanks to me." Dr. Phil nodded.
"I still don't believe that they're really cured!" Kairi cried from behind the Doctor, where she was being restrained by Robin. "I can't believe you're falling for this!"
"I think you found your next case, Doctor." Marluxia said.
The others laughed, but stopped when Xemnas moved his hand to stop them.
"I think you're right, Marly." Dr. Phil winked.
"Oh please, Doctor. I'm beyond that phase now." Marluxia waved a hand. "It's Marluxia."
"Noted." Dr. Phil nodded.
"We'd better be on our way, Doctor." Riku said. "If we want this to air soon, we have to get back to the studio."
"And the tow truck guy is done rigging up the van." Sora said. "He said we can ride in it, since he's not going to elevate it."
"Then in that case, we shall leave." Dr. Phil held out a hand to Xemnas. "Thank you for your time."
"On behalf of Organization XIII, thank you for all you've done, Doctor Phil." Xemnas shook his head. "We will never forget you."
"We'll never forget you either!" Sora said. "We'll send you a backup of the tapes if you guys want!"
"That would be cool." Xigbar said.
"Well, we're on our way now. Bye-bye." Dr. Phil waved.
"It was a pleasure. Thank you for your hospitality." Robin smiled and dragged a kicking and screaming Kairi off.
"I'll prove that you're faking it one day!" She cried. "Do you hear me? I don't know how, I don't know when, but I will p[rove it. One day!" Her cries were cut off as she was shoved into the van.
"I know how to get a-hold of you, Roxas, so I'll send the tape and money to you, but it will be in everyone's name." Sora said. "And go home. Your mom's worried."
"Okay, okay." Roxas hugged his cousin. "I'll see you around."
"You bet!"
"It sure was an interesting experience being here. I think I'm going to miss it." Riku said. He didn't say more as he walked back to the van with Sora and climbed in. the tow truck driver pulled away as the crew waved out the windows. The Organization waved back. "We'll never forget you!" Xemnas called.
They waved until the truck disappeared over the horizon.
"Or forgive you." Larxene sneered.
"Germs!" Xaldin cried, running back into the house.
"Phew! I'm so sick of standing like this!" Marluxia crossed one leg over the other.
"Aye, mate. I'm glad that's all over!" Xigbar said, wiping his brow.
"No more vacations." Xemnas muttered, turning back and going into the house.
"So do you really not want us to call you Marly anymore?" Roxas looked to the older Nobody.
"Of course not! I am and always will be Marly!" Marluxia threw his arms around Roxas' neck.
"I need to go stab something." Larxene growled and slinked off around to the back of the house.
"I need a cocktail." Vexen said.
"I'll join you. My arm itches." Lexaeus said, as they went in together.
Luxord pressed a button on his Bluetooth and turned on his phone, before dialing it. "Gambit?" Luxord asked. "It's Luxord. Sorry about the interruption. Other pressing matters needed my attention. Now about that guy in District 3…" He left as well.
"Did you really want me to go easier, Zexy?" Demyx asked the shorter male.
"You know I like it rough, baby." Zexion winked before slicing his arm again.
Demyx scolded him and they bickered as they went into the house.
"I'm going to go get laid." Saïx muttered, before going into the house and calling for Xemnas.
"I need to set something on fire." Axel said. "Then maybe we can have a bit of fun?" He winked at Roxas.
"It's a deal." Roxas nodded.
"Alright, I'll be right back."
"Don't leave me!" Roxas latched onto Axel's arm and followed him off to wherever he was going.
"I'm going to go and find that dress Larxene had while she's out. I looked fabulous in it!" Marluxia ran into the house.
Xigbar looked down the road, in the direction Doctor Phil's van had gone. "Goodbye and good riddance, Doctor." He said.
Xigbar turned around and went inside. The sound of the door slamming was like a final goodbye.
000 END 000
Dlbn: The next chapter that will be up is the epilogue, which will also have a bit of a preview for the sequel I'm hoping to get out.
Nbld: But before we go, we would like to take a moment to say thank you to all of you who have reviewed A Very Disorganized Organization Vacation, added this to your story alerts list, and/or favorite stories lists. There are way too many of you to thank, but thank you all the same. Organization XIII action figures for all of you!
Dlbn: Also, we would like to say that A Very Disorganized Organizatino Vacation turned a year old last Thursday, the 16th. Seems fitting that it ends after a year, somehow. Whatever.
Dlbn and Nbld: Until the next time!