I went back and forth about posting this chapter as is, but in the end and with some coaxing from a fellow author, I decided to just let you guys have it, and take it for what it is. Thanks so much for all the reviews, guys! You all fuel my fangirl fires, and I appreciate every favorite, every review. So keep 'em coming, and enjoy!
Oh, and another thing. The other night I had yet another dream that saving the world from a zombie apocalypse relied on me. Am I seeing a pattern, reader-sans?
Anyways, with much deliberation, I present, Chapter thirteen!
It wasn't until her eyes met his that the emotion of it all set in. Here she had come, barreling through the rain to his apartment, and here she sat, soaking wet and wringing her hands together, and for some reason, all Audrey wanted to do was pull her knees to her chest and close her eyes and swallow the lump down her throat. She shook her head and quietly said, "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have come like this."
Matt leaned his elbows on his knees and rested his chin on the knuckles of his pale interlocked fingers. The empty spaces of his apartment seemed as endless and echoing as the ones inside himself. He cocked his head to look at her. "But why did you come here like this?" She continued slowly shaking her head from side to side, looking down at her hands before clearing her throat and forcing herself to say something more explanatory. "I-I don't know why, Matt. I… I wasn't thinking." Her eyes were an iridescent gray when they lifted and caught hold of his. "I'm s-sorry, this was really stupid of me," she pushed herself off of the futon, "I'm going, I'm sorry."
She hadn't taken half a step when he grabbed her hand and pulled her back down beside him. He watched her eyes grow wide with nothing more than a shrug. "Quit apologizing," he said almost sternly. "No one wakes up so damn early just to break into some apartment and to just leave. Not even you could be that mental." The last remark came out through a quiet chuckle. Audrey pushed her fringe of hair out of her face, tucking what she could behind an ear. A small smile fought its way over her lips.
She wanted him to say something, Matt just knew it. So what does he do? He reaches around on a side table and finds a cigarette, determined to keep his mouth occupied on something besides looking stupid by saying the things than ran through his head. Audrey stewed in the silence.
And then she couldn't stand it.
"What happened then?" She'd blurted it out and resisted the urge to slap her hand over her mouth the instant the words left her lips. Matt blew smoke towards the ceiling, as nonchalant as ever. "When?"
"Oh, ha ha, Matt," she feigned sarcastically, suddenly irritated by his attitude. "You can't just pretend nothing changed!" Audrey's hands flew out in exasperated gesticulations before she leaned her elbows on her knees and propped her face up, staring him down.
He ground his teeth together and turned his body sharply to face her. "If you're talking about that other night, I said I was sorry –"
"I didn't want you to be sorry!"
"Then what do you want from me, Audrey?!"
The air fell tense and silent between them. Matt dragged deeply on his cigarette, settling himself back against the cushions, wordlessly vowing not to cut her even the slightest sideways glance. But he could feel that she was looking at him through hurt eyes, and a part of him wanted to make an apology. Audrey huffed an agitated sigh and stood up. "I can't believe I thought I could talk this out with someone like you." She grabbed up her jacket and her scarf, kicking on her shoes on her way to the door.
He beat her to it before she even saw him move, and in reaching for the doorknob, she got a handful of nothing. Matt stood there, looking down at her, like a brick wall that she could sooner fly over than try to move. She heard him gritting his teeth. "What do you mean by that?" His voice was a venomous calm; she narrowed her eyes up at him. He'd asked for it. By name. She dropped the affects she hadn't pulled on; her sweater and scarf hit the floor at her feet with the quietest of thuds.
"I mean that you are a self-righteous, punk-ass kid who doesn't take anyone's emotions seriously because your too afraid of your own," she spat venomously, her voice pitching higher than normal. Audrey didn't realize she was jabbing her pointer finger into his chest. "You always say stupid, aloof things that you never explain, and you always act like nothing I say has any meaning at all to you and - and, well - you're just, your just so – ugh!" She threw her hands in the air from frustration and turned to stalk away. However, she quickly found that there was nowhere to stalk to, and she ended up whirling around with a stamp of her foot to face him again. "Move," she glowered.
And then, he chuckled. He crossed his arms and began to laugh. It started slowly; quietly, but quickly tumbled into a laughter so great he was leaning his back against the door with his head tossed back and his arms wrapped around his sides. She thought he would collapse with raucous giggles. Anger began to boil inside of her small body. "What on Earth are you laughing at?!" she screamed at him.
Tears welled in his eyes as he tried to speak. "You.. you –" His speech was interrupted by another burst of hilarity. "You don't mean any of that!" The words were carried on a puff of laughter and cigarette smoke with an air of epiphany that made her want to punch him in the gut. He almost slid down the door in another sated fit of conviviality. Audrey scoffed, her mouth hanging open in the shock that the spectacle of this grown man laughing in her face. "Of course I mean it! You're just proving what I said!" She tossed her hands in his direction. "See?! No regards for anyone's feelings at all! Now move out of my way, I don't have to listen to this!"
"Audrey," - interrupted with laughter. Matt cleared his throat. "Audrey." He even tilted his head down to look up at her through his eyelashes, trying to contain himself and appear more authoritative. But the stern expression meant nothing; she knew nothing that he could say now would seem the least bit serious.
"In all seriousness," She rolled her eyes. He just had to say that.
"I know you don't really think all of that about me."
Audrey scoffed. "Then you don't understand at all. If you cared at all about anyone else's feelings, you would tell me what happened the other night, and you would fucking explain yourself to me!" She huffed a sigh, suddenly feeling breathless. "You would own up to what you caused, and you would… you would explain this to me."
In a fleeting moment of weakness, Matt's hands lifted towards her face, only to stop a few inches away. Her eyes pleaded with him, and the sadness that passed between them as their visions met was one of immeasurable proportions. He detested being the cause of that stormy gray that clouded her eyes, but it would only be worse if he touched her the way he wanted to. If his fingertips fell to the expanse of skin stretched smoothly over her cheek bone, surely she would move her face against his palm, and the tenderness of it all could be enough to break his heart. Imagine the damage control to both parties if his lips landed softly upon hers the way they longed to. He balled his fists and lowered them hesitantly to his sides. One of the final glimmers of hope seemed to die inside of Audrey's eyes, and unquestionably, her own heart was feeling the effects.
Matt moved past her with an audible exhale, walking to sit on the edge of his bed. All traces of his hysterics evaporated from his expression. He sat with a soft sigh and looked up at her from across the room. "You aren't gonna let this go, are you, Audrey?"
She scratched at the back of her leg with her opposite foot and crossed her arms over her chest with a slight shrug. "If you can honestly tell me that you already have, then I'll leave right now and just forget you ever happened," she added dejectedly, "for the second time in my life."
Matt was looking at his clasped together hands, shaking his head. "You can't just leave it alone," he said softly, more to himself than anyone else. She took a few tentative steps toward him. "I won't lie to you like that," he said gently, lifting his head only just enough to have an upward glance of her face.
"Then just be honest with me." She was standing in front of him, at the foot of the single step-up that was his plat-formed bed. And he was silent. Moments blended together and neither of the two moved. "For the love of God, Matt, can't you for once, please, just for once tell me what you want from me?" Her hands fell to her sides the same way the hopeless pleading of her voice fell into his ears.
He looked up at her, his eyes wide and silvery with a regret that he wasn't familiar with.
How could I ever hurt you, Audrey? What would I ever do if I did?
She's just some dumb girl, Mello would have said with a sneer. It wouldn't be so hard to get what you need. His head shook with an awful jerk, and he dropped his head into his hands and squeezed his eyes shut, but Mello's voice seemed to bleed through his mind and drip from his fingers, down his arms, into his lap, to the floor… He heard Audrey sigh softly in a moment of complete silence.
"What could you have to say to me that could possibly be so difficult?" The sound of her voice was distant, and hopeless, and had he looked up and seen that she was standing with her hand on his doorknob with her things gathered and replaced to her body, Matt surely would have dispelled Mello's voice from his head for the promise of softly touching her skin or breathing in the scent of her hair just one more time. Whatever words he had hoped to say died on his lips when she pushed open the door and stepped through wordlessly, without a backwards glance. The image of her head hanging down with an inaudible sigh as she slipped away was one that would likely haunt him for the rest of his restless nights and empty days.