STAY WITH ME
Hello all. I really missed writing, so yesterday I finished one story and today I'm starting another one. This idea has been haunting me for weeks, but I constantly had to put it off, because of other things that needed to be done. Now, finally the moment has arrived. This will be my own version- a little different and definitely much more extended, about Joe Burns situation. Hope you will like it.
Story summary: Elsie feels trapped in her current life and she grabs an opportunity for a change, thinking, that it is the best decision, but people in her life made her rethink that decision...
Legal note: I do not own any of the DA characters, I'm just giving some of them (mostly Chelsie), more life and adventures, than the series has ever gave them.
Elsie sighed with relief, when another day of hard work has finally ended. She was sitting in front of the mirror in her bedroom, plaiting her hair impatiently. From one side, she was really glad to go to sleep and have some rest, but from the other, she was wondering, if she will be able to fall asleep at all.
Recently it felt like a lottery. One night she was asleep five minutes after she put her head on the pillow and the other, she was tossing and turning for half night or more, being frustrated about lack of sleep and annoyed, because she knew, how another day full of duties will look like, after another sleepless night.
Those who knew Elsie, people who worked with her, would probably never figured out, that Elsie was unhappy about her life, but that was mostly because she didn't like to reveal her true feelings to others. She had an important job at Downton, tons of responsibilities, a high position among the staff, but not many of her colleagues could say, that they knew her.
Of course the lower staff would never even dare to try to be friends with Elsie. English class system was very clear to everyone. All the people knew exactly where their place was. Scullery maids, house maids, hall boys, or footmen, could only respect her and be obeyed to her and that was all the contact that they had.
It was different in Mrs Patmore and Mr Carson's case- they were standing a lot higher on the social ladder and even though they were the ones, that Elsie was talking to most often, neither of them could really see, what was happening in Elsie's mind and heart.
Elsie was used to hide her feelings inside- she was taught that by her grandmother, who was her greatest friend, when she was little. Granny told her, to always remember, that a woman needs mystery, because that's the only way to gain interest and respect of other people. Elsie remembered that very well, even now, after all the years that have passed and she was sticking to that rule.
From this very reason, she didn't confide in anyone about her dilemmas. There were so many of them recently. After serving in Downton for so long, Elsie felt, that she has achieved everything that she could achieved professionally. It was not that she didn't like her job, because she certainly did and she was always doing all her duties with highest devotion and precision, it was more about the monotony of this job.
Every day was exactly the same- mornings, afternoons, evenings and nights looked alike. Elsie knew exactly, what she is going to do in each hour and she was tired, with repetitiveness of her days. The same story all the time.
She generally liked people that she was working with, but sometimes, even she was fed up with repeating the same story over and over again- reprimanding the footmen, reminding the maids how to do the same things properly, scolding scullery maid and hall boys, for neglecting their duties. She wondered, how many times she can say the same things, over and over again. During her good days, it wasn't such a problem, but during her bad days, which unfortunately seemed to dominate in her life recently, she was pursuing her lips and her normally warm and kind eyes, became narrow and her sight became more severe.
When it came to her relations with Mrs Patmore, she really liked the red head cook, although she had to admit, that her temper, which seemed to suit the color of her hair perfectly, was sometimes exhausting. Elsie was trying to excuse some of Mrs Patmore's tantrums, knowing, how much work goes through her hands every day, but even she was was tired, with her anger outbursts at times.
She liked Mrs Patmore and she would gladly become friends with her, as they were the same age, grew up in similar backgrounds and it would be relatively easy for them to get along, but somehow, she often had a feeling, that Mrs Patmore is not very keen on the idea of them being friends, at least not the way Elsie would want it...
There were moments, when she was feeling, that Mrs Patmore was a tad jealous of her, she had no idea why, maybe it was because Elsie had a higher position in the household, maybe from some other reasons, but Elsie noticed, that when they were making three steps ahead in their relation, almost immediately, they were making two steps back.
As for Charles Carson it was even more complicated...From the very beginning, nothing seemed easy for Elsie when it came to that man...When she came her and met him, he almost immediately set free feelings in her, that she never felt before in her life...Elsie was not very romantic, or sentimental, plus once again, she was holding onto the wisdom of her grandmother, who also taught her to act a little aloof in contacts with men, explaining to her, that a pinch of aloofness is much better than a too much eagerness...
Elsie was always very true with herself and she could admit, that Charles Carson was a man that she would gladly spend her life with...Not only because he was very attractive physically, very alluring, but also because they had a wonderful connection.
They understood each other well, liked spending time together, laughing, joking, sometimes even challenging each other intellectually, which was really stimulating for both of them. Elsie was fully aware, that Mr Carson was admiring her devotion to the duties. She wasn't that emotionally involved at Downton as he was. For her, it was just a job, a job that needed to be done well and efficient, but just a job, whilst for him, Downton was the essence of his life.
She knew, that he liked having her as his equal, as a housekeeper that he trusted and could rely on, but that wasn't enough for her...She would gladly see in him something more, that just a very good colleague or even a friend...I think that she could assume, with a big doze of certainty, that by now, they were friends...But nothing more...
Just as she, Mr Carson was taught to keep his private emotions to himself, buried deep inside his heart and soul and he wasn't keen on revealing them to anyone, not even to her. She would have given anything, to know his thoughts, but he was even better trained in hiding them, than she was...
She knew, that he was observing her, it wasn't once or twice, when she caught him staring at her, in the moments when he was sure that she didn't see that...In the beginning, when she started to work at Downton, she assumed, that it was because he was checking if she was doing a good job, if she was fulfilling all her duties as she should, but as time has passed, she realized, that it was not just about that...Now he already knew, that there was no need to check if she was working correctly, but she still caught him looking at her in that particular way...
She was blushing in those moments and she was angry with herself, being afraid, that he may read her true intentions, but he pretended not to notice that and acted like nothing has happened...
It was all so mysterious, so ambiguous and she really liked it in the beginning of their relationship, it gave her hope, that something may arise from that...She was playing with that thought in her mind, she was creating some scenarios, dreaming even, that maybe one day, he will finally say or do something, which will let her be convinced, that he was having similar feelings.
Unfortunately, time has passed, years gone by and nothing was happening...That made Elsie feel very frustrated and unsure, if the thing that she was dreaming about being between them, was only in her mind... Or what was even worse, that it was only from her side...
She was feeling embarrassed with the very thought, that maybe on some level, she has made a fool of herself in his eyes, letting him know, even through those little signals, that she was interested with him, while he was not...
That concept didn't make her feel good and it contributed a lot, to her general feeling of frustration, of being stuck in one place, that she couldn't get out of...
She was a middle age woman now and besides all the other things, that made her feel sad and uneasy, recently, she was also feeling something which could be described as home-sick...Even though she was living in England for a very long time, deep down her heart, she was still a Scottish girl inside...
She missed the Highlands landscapes, long winters, cold summers, beautiful, dark lakes, mysterious and wild moors. She missed her family, her old friends, neighbors, she missed hearing that unique Scottish accent, that she never heard now...
She would gladly visit her hometown and meet all the folks from her youth, but she knew, that it wasn't possible now...Which made her feel even worse, more lonely and more disenchanted with her life...
Sometimes she was wondering, what her life would look like, if she decided to accept Joe Burns's proposal back then, when she was a young girl, full of dreams, with need of adventure, convinced, that she was destined to do something more with her life, that just get married and have children, like all the other women did..
Elsie was weighing in, if she would maybe be more happy now, if she decided to live her life in a traditional way. Would she be more fulfilled, being a simple farmers wife, having few children and still living in the same village, that she was born and grew up in?
Would it be better scenario, than living in a big house, having secure and stable position, but living among people, who she almost had no connection with and living by th side of the man, who was so dear to her heart, not even being sure, if he had the same kind of feelings for her? She still wasn't able to find answers to those questions...
Few weeks later...
When Elsie walked into her sitting room, she noticed, with surprise, that there was a letter to her on the desk, which was quite unusual, as normally she almost never received letters now...Intrigued by that, she opened it and read it very quickly. She had to sit down, because it felt so unreal to her, that Joe Burns, who still appeared in her memory from time to time, was going to visit Downton during the village fair and was actually asking her to meet him...
She put down that letter, wondering what that might mean? She suspected, knowing Joe, that it wasn't just a friendly visit, from a man who was an integral part of her childhood, to catch up and find out what was new with her...
She was aware, that he was a widower now and she was more than sure, that his visit can only mean one thing- he wanted to come here to ask the same question one more time, a question that she once said no to...But if she was to be honest with herself, she had to admit, that if he is indeed planning to ask that question one more time, she will not be so sure and so decisive, about denying his request, as she was many years ago, as a very young woman...
That's all for chapter one...I hope that I made you feel a little bit curious...I'm sure, that Elsie had a real inner battle with herself, when she met Joe after all these years and she was seriously wondering, if she should say yes...I always felt, that Elsie was a little bit unhappy about her life, especially after the famous "going another way" conversation...Anyhow, if you are curious what will happen next, just let me know and I will deliver another chapter of the story...Your opinions are always welcome...Have a very good week and thanks for reading!